Up All Night

So yesterday I spent an hour going through two containers of old pens and pencils. I’m fairly sure my SIL would have just tossed all of them, but I don’t have her budget. I did toss about half of them, but a handful are going to school to supplement my stash there…and the others are going into a useful container here. Which I should consolidate with all the other useful containers and then stop buying pens for about 8 years. Seriously, when I die, my children or grandchildren will pull out their hair over the pens. After they’ve screamed over the fabric and thread. But this cleaning house thang, it just takes more than I can handle. I do a little every day. I also did a little yardwork yesterday and will head out for more today because it’s nice and cool. Plus my greenery trashcan just got emptied. I think. I hope. And then I graded. Oh my. Talk about pulling out hair. I got through three periods of the last unit by sheer willpower. Strength. Gimme it. And I input grades right as I finished them, so when those little widgets finally remember to sign on and check their grades, the shock will sit right with them like lead in their guts.

I swear I think I give up on this year. I’m gonna keep on teaching, even teaching good and cool stuff like frog dissections and brains, but I’m going to stop (I swear!) worrying about the grades, because I just can’t. I can’t take this year on and listen to admin saying I get what I give. I just can’t. Where are the parents in that equation? And why is this year so different? Some break happened between kids born in 2002 and those born in 2003. Turning work in must be controlled by a gene that was stymied by a vaccine or something.

Yeah. Stop thinking about school. Grade stuff, but don’t think about school. Laughing heartily over that one.

So after about 4 1/2 hours of grading (which puts me at an estimated 15 remaining? I might have underestimated dammit), I needed to do something else. Even though it was almost midnight. What the fuck? I’m wide awake (no idea why…haven’t slept well for nights) and it’s Spring Break. I gots nowhere to be. Literally. Nowhere.

So I stitched to music. Window closed so hopefully the neighbors weren’t too disturbed…actually, I think this photo is from Saturday, because that’s when I started.

So the thing about small quilts is that the distances are shorter, so the stitching-down part was way shorter than it would have been in a full-sized quilt with this many pieces…less than two hours and I was done.

But it wasn’t even 1 AM and I was still wide awake. I had started stitching down this ancient one (seriously I don’t know when I last worked on this…wait! I have an app for that. Well I picked fabrics for it three years ago, March 2013. I ironed it together that July. And it’s been hanging in here ever since.

Because it’s a little weird. Honestly. But it deserves to be finished. I needed to take some photos of me stitching and this was the only piece lying around I could stitch on, so I started it about a week ago for the photos and then put it aside. Now it’s ready to be sandwiched and quilted. So some pieces really do lie around and wait if they’re not compelling enough. Right now I think it’s calling out for a shitload of embroidered flowers. Or whatever.

I went to Easter dinner at the parentals and worked on these again. I could have taken grading. God knows I have enough of it. But I’m trying to finish these birds…think I’m down to 5 now.

The wool work is soothing. It’s easy to achieve something interesting quickly. Well not really quickly. But they relax me. I’ve been handling a lot of wool pieces lately. Need the calm. The distraction.

So yeah. Today I need to sandwich the two quilts and start quilting the more complicated one. Mostly finished picture due Friday (one day reprieve!). And final photos by April 15. Easy peasy. Seriously. I don’t think quilting will take as long as a full-size quilt. And then I can start on another one. Because my sanity depends on it.

Because the pile of grading is still there. The finished stuff is in the green bin. The other two periods are on the couch.

And there’s another pile on the coffee table of another project. Plus the assignment that’s online that I can’t even bear to look at. It’s just a matter of priorities right this second. What first? Yardwork? Then shower. Then groceries and pick up the poor dog. Then grade until my eyeballs bleed. Then make art. No housecleaning in that scenario. Hmmn. I need a secretary to plan out my days. But he/she would have been here at a reasonable hour, banging on my door, and when you go to bed at almost 2, then you need more sleep than I got. I can feel that behind my eyeballs. Well maybe I’ll sleep tonight then dammit. Stupid hormones.

So not up ALL night. Although definitely went to bed in the early morning. So I guess I skipped night. Yeah.

Find the Balance

Serious hermit behavior results in…well…results. Certainly not my original plan for yesterday, but I guess it turned out OK. Although I’m running a little crazy from the quiet. I finished watching The Killing finally and decided for a change of pace to watch Call of the Midwife…I’m not sure it’s a whole lot different, despite the era change and the content change. Maybe that’s just my brain. The next steps on this quilt will be performed to music instead, so that will be a change.

I did get my taxes almost done yesterday too AND walked the dog, so I did OK. But I also ironed for 6 hours…which is kind of pitiful maybe. Or not. That’s 6 hours of talking to no one. Well…briefly to my SIL. Texting daughter. Ex about daughter and taxes. That was about it. Next week…sigh. I will need to do some things besides art next week, although it will probably hurt my brain. I do need to have this to an almost-finished state by the 31st though. Yikes. It’s sounds impossible when I write it out.

I didn’t start ironing until after 3 PM, after I’d done all the stuff I needed to do.

I ironed the third figure apart first…it was easier than trying to fit the wings around the existing arm.

Then I put it where it belonged and ironed the other wing under her head.

I ironed the vine separately as well and then fit it around his head and hair.

Then all that was left was this bird…whose wings gave me fits. I misplaced two feathers and recut one and fit the others so the last one didn’t matter, but I don’t know what was going through my brain because I found the missing pieces as I finished up ironing. They were just in the wrong section, but I could have sworn I’d already checked there. Brain fade.

Then I ironed everything down to the background.

It’s supposed to finish down to 16 x 24″. The image is about 15 x 23″ I think. I didn’t want to leave a large border.

The next step is to stitch it down, hopefully today. I am going to the gym. Need to strengthen the body and clear the mind. It feels like cobwebs in there.

Then sandwich it Sunday and start quilting. It’s taken as long as a large quilt to iron down because of all the tiny pieces, but hopefully the next two steps will be quicker…although there is a lot of detail, so maybe I’m dreaming on that hope. And it needs a name.

Next up…financial aid, finish the silly taxes (the last form is giving me fits), yardwork, housework (still), and grading shit. Aargh. I can’t. I just can’t. There’s definitely a war going on in my brain at the moment. Trying to process stuff and weed out the crap so I can face the rest of the school year. Calmly. Mindfully. And keep the balance. What I’m doing now is not really balance…but I need to swing back to let the work stuff in so it doesn’t bury me later. So probably FIND a balance first. Like I haven’t been working on that for the last 20 years…

Keep Calm and Hermit On

I often go into hermit mode on breaks from school. I’ll go days barely leaving the house. Yesterday I left twice, both for things that were already on my calendar. I don’t actually have anything for today, but I’m going to walk the dog. Next week is a swathe of unscheduled days. I know I need to grade stuff, clean stuff, trim stuff, but I also need to clear my head, make it possible to go back to school in a little over a week and survive the rest of the school year without totally losing it. I need some calm and patience. My counselor says I need to fill myself back up, and she’s right. More importantly, I need to do a better job of that on the weekends through the end of the school year. Problem is there are so many to-do’s and other things that get in the way of the filling-up.

Anyway, yesterday was hermit mode. I worked on art-related things for over 6 hours, about 4 of those hours on the small quilt I’m putting together, which just so you know is supposed to be 16 x 24″ finished. That’s way smaller than I usually work, and it’s been difficult ironing it together, because tiny pieces are fussy. But it’s a good place for my brain to be at the moment. Clearing shit out inside the head, even though I can’t seem to get it together on the outside the head part.

I had these ironed the other day, but they were in the bin, because a couple of them aren’t attached to anything, and I was waiting on the cloud until I got the legs in.

There were some other free-floating pieces I did yesterday…

And then I started on the legs of the central figure, so the clouds went back in. That damn tree is a pain in the butt…

It’s always in the way.

This is a tiny uterus with an even tinier eyeball in it.

The torso came together. The girl’s knife is because she cooks…not because she wants to hurt things, although at the moment, that’s probably a toss up.

I think that’s when I went to counseling…then the store, came back and went to my quilt class. More on that below. After class and cooking food, I started on the upper torso, which was a little fussy.

Overlapping shit…then on to the head and hair, which I did separate from the torso at first.

Then once I had all the main pieces in, I ironed it to the torso.

There’s a few more things to go on there, like the face for instance, and the missing hand. I was too tired to deal with them last night though. Faces are complicated and they hold the strength of the figure…the expression is important. And on something this small, I didn’t want to fuck it up. So I went to bed with my book instead. Today I’ll get the rest done, I’m hoping. I should be doing other things, but I can’t get my head there. Maybe tomorrow.

On Wednesday night, I was in a bar at a music thing, so I drew. Desert plants were definitely on my mind. Not sure about the rest.

Those big heads are still in my brain, percolating. And a new Earth Mother drew part of itself in my head last night. I guess I should put it on paper. I feel a need to just make some stuff for a while without a deadline attached to it. I didn’t have anything portable on the current quilt to take to class, but I had three drawings I’d copied, one of which I wanted to do next, so I numbered all three of them.

They each came out at about 400 pieces…

They’re all about 17 x 21″ inches, so smaller than what I normally do. I’m in the mood to just bang out some smaller pieces (not as complicated as the one I’m doing right now). So maybe that’s my pre-summer project. And I can draw another Earth Mother in between and aim to do her over the summer.

Although there are shows that are talking to me, and I should consider them. Their deadlines are later in the year, though, and right now my brain hurts. So I’ll deal with these, I think. At least the first one. I’ll see where I’m at once I finish it.

That one reminds me of one I gave away. Unfortunately.

OK, so I’m going to walk the dog this morning, even though it’s a later start than I wanted, because I need to clear my head. Cobwebs. Shitty crap in there. Then I’m going to come back and spend at least an hour on taxes. The taxes I should have done a month ago, maybe more. Then I can do art. Or maybe I should set a yard or house goal as well. Sheesh. Too much in one day. I really just want to iron the damn quilt down. And continue to Keep Calm and Hermit On.

Ironing It Out…

Back to avoiding all the shit I’m supposed to do over break (yardwork, housework, financial aid)…I’m in art brain mode. Why? Because I started ironing and an image started to appear and now that’s all I want to do is stare at it and make it come together. For hours. Fuck the rest of it. Seriously don’t want to deal with anything else. Bad. Bad Kathy.

So the one thing with this quilt is that normally I would have enlarged it 250%. But it can’t be enlarged for this show. It has to be fucking tiny. So it’s taking longer to iron because I’m dealing with these utterly teensy weensy pieces.

The tree is upside down because in real life it’s upside down. I have two right-side-up figures and one upside-down figure. I’m sure at some point the girlchild will complain that she is upside down in this piece and I will explain to her that she was the second child and she came out backwards and that’s why. Then she’ll complain about being naked in the quilt, but that’s what happens when your mom is a quilt artist and does nudes. So there.

See…the pieces are mostly tiny. In fact, some are so tiny that I’m not cutting them out until it’s time to iron them down, because I would just lose them.

This is about 180 pieces ironed. I still need to do the rest of her arm. The moon to her left with the clouds, it’s done. So are the things below the tree. They’re in the bin, waiting to be ironed down to the background.

That’s about three hours of work. Not a small amount. So it took 3 hours to iron less than 200 pieces. I’m figuring 12 hours total. She doesn’t really have a yin/yang tattoo, but she does have a scar from back surgery.

Girlchild got out of her increasingly nasty dorm situation yesterday, finally…a relief to all of us. Still trying to clean up loose ends on that, but hopefully it will be done and behind us soon. And hopefully I can force my brain to do some work soon too…besides ironing. Right now though? Right now I’m going to iron for a while. It’s my meditation. Clears my mind. Lets it process. Sometimes that’s what I need, more than I need a clean house and a weeded front yard. I know some people don’t understand that, but honestly, I’m at an age where I just really don’t care about that. Cronedom, here I come!

Running Away to Anza Borrego…

So I’m back. A short trip to the Anza Borrego desert, only one night of camping (honestly, with the wind trying to pick the tent up, I’m glad we only had to deal with it for one night. Vacation shouldn’t be sleep-deprived.). We saw about a million metal sculptures by Ricardo Breceda…OK, there are apparently only 130 of them, but we saw all of them.

I liked the dinosaurs best…especially the ones where you had to drive way the heck out into the desert to see them. This post is photo-heavy…mostly a picture journal of the trip. The wildflowers were apparently “gone”, but there were plenty of things blooming for me…

I took photos of almost every sculpture we saw, but some of them were definitely better than others. I was amused by the eyelashes…Brecedo definitely likes eyelashes…

Harvester ant holes…we didn’t actually see a lot of wildlife. Even birds were absent the first day, mostly probably because of the crazy winds.

The dinos I liked the best were way off the road. We didn’t see many people out here. This is a newer one…he hasn’t rusted much.

After a while, they all look like they’re dancing.

Teeth abound…

It’s actually a little frightening seeing these guys and thinking about them wandering around…

Humans would not have survived, I think.

You look tasty, my dear.

These guys were wobbling in the wind. Then again, the bursts were pretty strong.

Definitely all about the teeth.

More flowers…I missed the pink cactus. Never remembered to stop for those.

The details on the skin/hide were kind of amazing.

And all the pieces of metal. Breceda wasn’t an artist until his daughter asked for a T Rex.

Ocotillos were in bloom all over the place.

This thing had a name. Most of his creatures are prehistoric, although honestly, there’s one group that wasn’t on the maps, and we’re pretty sure they’re made up things.

Yup. I brought someone to conquer the angry beasts.

That cloud stayed until sometime in the middle of the night. The winds above must have been competing for air space.

The scorpion…that reminds me…Yup. Scorpions have two eyes on top and 2-5 pairs along the sides. Yick.

So this thing. Not on the map. Big curved claws. Carries its young. Furry as heck. Looks like a cross between a beaver and…something.

Here’s one who fell over…

Making shit up. Don’t know what that is.

The famous serpent, which goes across the road. Awesome. Need that for my yard.

Llama with serpent in background…

Indian Head right near the opening to Indian Head trail.

The caterpillars were around…some much bigger than others. The wildflowers come, then the caterpillars try to eat them all, and then the Swainson’s hawks migrate here to eat the caterpillars. More on the hawks later…

One of the few furry beasts we saw…HUGE ears. The rest we saw were dogs. On leashes.

I swear they’re dancing…

These guys were up a road that was misnamed on the map…

The tortoises were all a little feisty too…

Peccary with babies…

An entire wash of bighorn sheep…which was nice, because we didn’t see any in real life unfortunately.

The wind is still scattering the clouds.

An ironic metal saguaro in the middle of the desert without saguaro.

We were sure it was a cutout from a distance, but it was in fact 3D when we got there…

A ha! A hawk! So we headed out to one of the hawk counting areas and saw a kettle of hawks scared off the ground by three coyotes. These hawks migrate from Argentina to Canada…

There’s the kettle settling back down after being scared up.

I’d never seen so many hawks in one place…over 60 of them flying together.

Camping in the high winds…the ice chest kept the tent from taking off.

The campground was nice and quiet, despite quite a few children. There are bathrooms and showers and running water, and even shelters over the tables. Definitely a nice place to hang out.

The next morning, we were tired from the windy-night’s sleep (or lack thereof), but planned a hike up into Borrego Palm Canyon.

It wasn’t a long hike, but there was some chance of seeing bighorn sheep, plus it was supposed to be pretty. And it was.

It was a bit warm, but bearable.

A stiff breeze (and sometimes serious wind) dried off the sweat as we hiked.

There were plenty of flowers still around.

But the wash was dry…at least down here it was.

As we went up the canyon, there was water. It must go underground at some point.

Still no sign of sheep, but I caught this guy in a photo…

The palms grow naturally here…

When we got to the oasis, there were about 100 6th graders there eating lunch. Wow. So get the hell outta there before they leave! They probably scared off all the sheep.

We’ll have to come back to see them (the sheep. Not the 6th graders).

We took an alternate route down and promptly got lost and were wandering through the wash.

A quail led us back home (not really).

After a change of clothes, some food and drink, and a relatively easy ride home, I took my second shower of the day and fell promptly asleep on the couch. The dog woke me up for her dinner. Mine was a piece of toast. So not motivated to cook!

I couldn’t find my brain for the rest of the night, so I just messed around with the wool projects I have lying around. Tried to organize them and cut stuff out so that I could sew things down, but never found the energy to actually sew.

It was a good, albeit short trip. Maybe there’s a longer one in my future. Who knows? Meanwhile, I have plenty of work to get done here, if I can just get my brain to come online. I’m in recovery mode…

Painting with Fabric

I used to post every night, for almost a year. It helped me sleep, and I was having a hard time with that, getting no more than 4 hours a night. And at some point, my brain switched back over and allowed me to sleep without the brain dump in the wee hours, so now I usually post in the morning, before week, setting my mental tone for the day. I don’t know which is better. I know I get more sleep when I post in the morning, because I don’t stay up late writing AFTER my brain is done making art. So that’s how it rolls.

But I’m on vacation, so my brain’s kinda messed up anyway. I don’t usually post on Sundays, but I know I’ll be traveling and possibly out of phone range for a little while, so I figured I’d do this now. (What’s funny about this is that I got distracted last night and never finished. I remembered once I got into bed, but there was no way I was getting back up to finish it. So here it is…in the morning again.) I don’t want to start the next phase of the quilt I’m working on right now, because it would mean leaving parts of it lying out while cats were looking for something with which to wreak havoc. So I’ll start that when I get back. I spent some time grading today, just to get some of those 26 hours out of the way. I did the same thing yesterday and Friday night. Two assignments are done and in the computer. The two giant ones, unfortunately, are still staring me in the face. I figure there’s a good 20 hours in those and the other assignment I have left. Then there’s a small one…it won’t take long.

But first, I’m going to break in my new boots and try to relax for a few days. If that’s possible. I have a ton of pictures from two openings last night, but no time tonight to resize them, so that will have to wait as well. I did finish cutting out all the pieces to this tiny (for me) quilt on Saturday, so that was a plus…and then today, I sorted them into bins…

That was just the beginning. It took just under an hour. There’s a lot of tiny pieces in this quilt. Ironing it is going to be a bitch, I think. Not sure. Maybe not. I also managed to sweep some leaves and take out the trash. The yardwork on this place alone might kill me in the next two weeks. I’m hoping to be efficient, but I get side-tracked by artmaking and it sweeps all the household To-Do lists right out of my head.

This is from Saturday night, one of the openings I went to. This is my quilt Primal Scream…

It’s actually pretty old, but I didn’t have much available for the show and this was in the Grossmont show, so I had just taken it down. Plus the show was about the Power of Feminine Energy, so it seemed relevant. The show is up in the Centro Cultural de la Raza in Balboa Park here in San Diego through April 3, 2016. There’s some really good work in the show, but again, like other shows, more curatorial presence would be good. It’s an interesting space, being in a round building. I don’t know what’s in there usually, because I’ve never been inside (that I remember). But it was not a bad venue for a show…just really loud and kind of uneven.

Ironically, the other show I went to, I had lots of friends in it (which is cool), but it was a higher level of competency. And I thought, hey, self, how do you get into THIS show? I’ll have to ask. Although there were no other fiber artists in either of the two shows. It really is a painter’s world out there in Artlandia. I try to describe my work sometimes as painting with fabric, but only to those who are thinking of their grandmother’s pieced quilts. Because it’s not like that at all. So I say it’s a painting with pieces of fabric. Think about an art painting on the wall but no paint is involved. Unfortunately, I don’t think the art world in general believes what I do is a painting, so I’m always fighting that. And the quilt world thinks what I do doesn’t really belong either. Rock and a hard place. I think if I took my drawings and turned them into paintings I’d be fine. And it wouldn’t take as long. But I don’t like painting and I do like the texture and complexity that fabric and quilting fabric brings to the piece. So I soldier on.

The Mindful Sloth

AHHHH. Spring Break. I feel relief flooding through my body. Calm waves wash through my brain. OK. Wait a minute. Not yet. First I have 700 errands to run this weekend to get ready for camping and hiking on Monday. In fact, I got home, exhausted, yesterday, beyond tired, sat on the couch and fell asleep for about an hour. Then I got up and went hiking boot shopping! Yay! Yup. Bought boots and new socks and new inserts. Had gift cards and my dividend from when we bought the boychild all those winter things. Paid for almost all of it. I’m very excited.

Today includes tires and checking a tent and figuring out what we’re missing and dog food and dog meds and shit I don’t even remember at the moment. Plus an art opening…which I’m hoping is as good as all the hype around it. We’ll find out I guess.

So last night, after figuring out food and eating something and grading for a while, because honestly, grading is going to be a big part of my time “off” (it’s never off, is it?), I went back to cutting tiny pieces out. I really REALLY thought I’d be done last night. Really.

Fuckin’ A.

On the left, stuff that’s cut out. In the middle, the scrap pile. On the right, what’s left.

Bloody hell. I was tired. It was midnight. I couldn’t do it. Tiny little fussy pieces. Maybe an hour at the most. Couldn’t do it.

I cut for almost two hours last night. Should have started earlier? Except when. How. Whatever. So 7 hours in…just a bit to go.

And there’s the grading. Actually, that is only a small portion of the grading. I have a pile on the couch and about 300 things online.

And there’s the cat too. So there will be lots of that going on over break.

I haven’t cleaned up my photo files from last March yet, so this is what I was working on a year ago…

The big Earth Mother quilt. That was a fun one.

I still want to draw a more naked sister to this one. I liked drawing it. I could work with this. But there’s other stuff ahead of it…and two shows coming up in the fall that I might want to enter. Have to look at those today. Maybe today. I’m having a big flailing morning for sure. Cannot get motivated to do shit.

I do occasionally go back and read previous posts from last year, just to check my mood and stress levels. It’s useful because it reminds me that this happens every year, that March kicks my ass and Spring Break has a lot of grading, but I make more art, and I never ever ever catch up on house cleaning and yardwork, and there are X number of days left in the school year and they will be stressful, but I will make art to save my sanity, and maybe I will hike and do fun stuff as well. So yeah. It’s all good.

I am going to make a serious effort to return meditation to my daily practice over break. And to draw more. And to try to relax. Much as I can. I’m just not very good at it…at walking away from all the Have-To’s for any period of time. A significant failing on my part. OK. Well. I might function better with food. And a shower. At least I’ll have some chance of getting out of the house with those behind me. Maybe. Today I am like a slow-moving sloth. Just moving that arm as slowly as possible. Mindfully! ha ha ha. That’s it. I’m moving slowly because I’m being mindful about everything I do today. Yup. That’s it.

What I’m Looking Forward to…

I did some math yesterday, some rough calculations, and came up with 26 hours of grading that I needed to do over break. Ugh. Seriously? I thought I was “caught up” (you’re never caught up until June). So I graded last night. It was frustrating because the iPad is getting increasingly slower and slower and I didn’t bring my school computer home. In fact, I was going to bring it home for break to help with all these assignments, but now they’ve told us we can’t because they’re doing an inventory. It’s amusing to me that they think we don’t NEED the damn things over break. I guess, yes, I could sit in here, in my office, to do all the grading, but I like to be mobile, to be able to go where I want to do this stuff…by where I want, I mean the couch. Way warmer, more comfortable, and I can watch TV while I grade, which keeps me from screaming.

But no. That will not be allowed. Whatever. I’m so pissed off at my school and district at the moment that I can’t see straight. Good to get a few weeks’ perspective. And I applaud the teacher who is able to relax for these two weeks, to do nothing school-related or home-related, but my two weeks look busier than the two weeks before break in terms of the to-do list. Not to mention those 26 hours of grading. Fucking job. Eats you alive.

I’m still doing this…

There’s always a point when it seems never-ending, like I will be cutting things out forever. And sometimes I am…it’s been over 20 hours of cutting before. This is a small quilt though, despite the numerous pieces. So I’m 5 hours in and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This is all that’s left…I briefly thought I would finish last night (ha!), but then reality kicked me in the head.

Reality isn’t a very nice thing sometimes. Kinda rude. 26 hours. Sheesh. And the fact is that while I’m teaching, I’m often grading at the same time. While students were watching a video yesterday, I was getting through the project grades that I could, but I have a huge pile of paperwork that’s coming home as well. I guess I can do those in front of the TV. Depressing though.

So fuck that. This is what I’m looking forward to: camping and hiking, sleeping in, peeing when I need to, napping if I’m tired, reading books, not dealing with other people’s children, going on walks during the day instead of when I’m exhausted after school, straightening up some of the shit around here that’s been driving me crazy that I never have time to do, making art. Hopefully getting this tiny quilt done and starting the next one. Which is bigger. And less insane. I suspect it will end up being more alone time than I need or want, but I have too much work to do around here to be out socializing every day (because that’s how I roll…yeah…not a particularly social person).

And now. Now I am going to school to take 140 kids on a field trip to the science museum. I have meditated (but not sufficiently) and have some caffeine in me, so hopefully I will survive it.

Take a Deep Breath. Take 20.

Some days, you just come home and wish you could take the dog for a walk or sit on the deck with a cup of tea and your book (my book being on the iPad). I came home and did bus lists for the field trip. And then tried to make my scanner behave so I could prep some paperwork for the unit after break. And considered the crazy I’ll be dealing with today. I really should be meditating every day.

And so I did…

I just did it with scissors. On the left, the pieces (tiny little fucking pieces) that I’ve cut out. In the middle, all the trash. I don’t toss it until the quilt is ironed, because sometimes I need some of it, or I’ve tossed some pieces in there by accident. I found two pieces on the floor last night. Don’t know when that happened. On the right is what I have left to cut.

So progress. About 2 1/2 hours of it. Because at some point, you can’t run at 110%. Everything needs to rest. Recharge. With electronics, they often tell you to occasionally drain the battery and then recharge the device. Except I’m not sure that works with humans. I do know most of the teachers around me are drained…possibly as of two weeks ago. Pretty sure you’re not supposed to keep going without recharging. And yet we do.

I have to leave early again today. I’m counting the hours I think until break. Seriously. I was in tears last night over the damn scanner thing. Ironically, I have a new printer with a scanner included that is sitting here on the floor, waiting until I have time to install it. And the scanner isn’t really the issue…it’s Windows 10. Fucker. So yeah. Praying to the teacher goddess this morning. Please o great one. Bless me with sanity today, enough presence of mind not to yell swear words at a child, and not to burst out into tears. Take a deep breath. Take 20. Take some Motrin. And keep looking forward.

The Golden Nugget of Spring Break

I have a friend who’s experiencing some of the same uterus stuff I did last year, when I thought I was going crazy. Sometimes I still think that, but I know it’s the hormones fucking with me. I have kind of a PTSD about the uterus at the moment right now. Even though the organ itself is mostly calm and well-behaved (well, as much as any uterus is), I still tiptoe around waiting for it to rear its bloody head up again, torturing me with its presence. It reminds me of this regularly by causing random pain and suffering, but also I know deep down that it is in charge of the hormones that rampage through me, making me cry through the stupidest stuff, things I didn’t even consider weep-worthy a year or so ago. I figure I’m still riding the last year roller coaster of menopause and hope that the moody crap mellows out with age. Maybe I will never mellow out with age. Who knows.

But when I look at the batch of drawings I’ve done without a purpose or theme, ie, for a show I know I want to enter, then there she is…that tiny organ, so evil sometimes, so dastardly…looming over me. You can track my life through my quilts. The females still cry a lot…well hell, so do I. On top of that, the girlchild is going through some major trauma at school. Mama Bear in me wants to fly out and fix it (it would probably get violent), but you can’t. So I worry about her. Luckily she’s very vocal and lets me know what’s going on. I’m worried, but she can handle it in the long term.

I finished ironing the wings last night. I was still debating wing fabrics in my head until I pulled open one of the drawers of black fabrics and two popped out at me, part of Mariah’s stash, long skinny pieces…I had a lot of one and not very much of the other. But it didn’t take long to iron all the feathers down, and then that was it. Here’s the 71 fabrics I used…although a couple are hiding because I don’t have very much of them left.

The ranges are always very similar. And yet the quilts don’t look the same. It took 9 hours and 39 minutes to iron 800-something pieces.

And then it was still early, so I started cutting them out. They’re freakin’ tiny…

But I got a lot done in about an hour. I’d like to have them all cut out by the weekend. I have a ton of stuff to get through this weekend, some of it prep for camping and hiking next week, but also probably will need to go in and clean out my classroom. We have a field trip Friday and two parent meetings (I swear, if I get another crazy request for a meeting this week, I might kill someone), so lots of work stuff going on. Today the major project my students have been working on is due and I had a ton of crazy online last night related to it. I can see when the kids are working on certain documents in Google Classroom and sometimes it worries me. That said, if a kid spent 5 days of class time doing diddly squat, then last night was probably a rough one for them if they actually want to turn in the assignment.

Today will be rough for me too as those who didn’t work show me the panic. Whatever. I’ve got a plan for the rest of the week. And although I’m not caught up with grading, I’m not as far behind as I was the end of February. This little quilt? It has to be done in two weeks though, maybe faster because it needs photography. That’s a little scarier.

OK. Parent meeting. Tired. Really tired. Trying to be healthy in mind and body. Trying to keep an eye on the golden nugget of Spring Break…right over there.