A Slow Drip…

My dad called me about 3 three weeks ago and asked me how old my water heater was. I read all the stickers on it and told him I didn’t know. He said it was on there somewhere and I just wasn’t seeing it. Generally I’m a pretty observant person, but whatever. He sent the plumber over (who was replacing my garbage disposal, which died about three weeks ago, coincidentally) to look at the water heater. He’s a nice guy, so he admitted he had to look up some code to see how old it was. But 2000. Yeah. So 15 years old. I told dad I thought it predated the divorce, and I was right…because I distinctly remember it going last time, water everywhere, having to dry the carpet and the pad underneath, plus my studio being watery, and I was a copyeditor then, so piles of paper everywhere on the floor. Not enough desk space. Just stacked manuscripts vertically.

So dad said he would schedule a replacement. He’s in this mode where he fixes everything before it breaks. Me, I wait until it’s catastrophic and I can’t live without it, right? Which is why we lived without a stove for two weeks last January. My house is at the age where everything breaks and falls apart. And I can’t afford to fix it.

So yeah, yesterday morning, the water heater was leaking. Luckily it wasn’t a fast leak (isn’t…because it’s still leaking). By the time I found it, the water was halfway across the studio floor, but almost everything in there is in plastic. I learned from last time. Very few piles of paper on the floor. The water heater is in a closet that backs up onto the studio, and instead of inundating the laundry floor with water, it goes under, into the studio.

So I got all of one wall of crap out and deposited it in the boychild’s room…

Then I sent him that photo and promised it would all be gone by the time he came home for Winter Break. Settin’ myself some goals! That’s 8 weeks, by the way. And now that it’s out, I’m going through it and culling. Because I can. I was kind of shocked by how much stuff was in such a small space.

Here’s Kitten exploring before I got the bookshelf out of there. It’s in the living room. All the stuff that was in it is in the boy’s room, though. It was full.

When Dad came over, he said something about replacing the floor. Well yeah, it has two holes in it, but NOW? Now is not the time. I can’t handle it right now. I can’t even handle THIS right now. Except I am. Because I just have to.

I had to clear out part of the pantry so they could get in there to replace the water heater, which is happening this afternoon…which is why I had a cold shower this morning. I could get the gas off, but couldn’t turn the water to the heater off, so it’s still dripping. Faster. But it’ll be OK.

The towels in the basket are sopping wet. The washer is full of more of them. I’ve used every beach towel and big towel that I have.

And I pushed everything else into the corner. It’s kinda dysfunctional in here on a good day.

Today is not a good day. But in true Kathy fashion, I cleared enough space to quilt last night. Because the presence of drippy water and leaky water heaters and minor disasters in the home should not stop you from making art. Seriously. I could have started going through the crap in the boy’s room last night, and when I finished grading, I surely thought that, but fuck no. I already had a significantly stressful day, and I need the wall to dry out anyway after they install (thank god for unseasonable warmth in San Diego over the next few days), so I’ll start tonight. Set a timer and do 30 minutes, and then move on to grading or quilting. I did grade a ton yesterday so I don’t feel bad. And Saturday. I did my duty. Plus I can’t move the bookshelf back by myself, and I won’t have help until Tuesday. So it has to all stay outta there.

Here’s Cat 1. She’s small and sweet. And quilted.

I did finish stitching down (obviously) this one and Cat 2. Then I quilted. Tonight I’m hoping to quilt some more. I’m also hoping to have a hot shower tomorrow morning and be able to do laundry tonight, because otherwise, I gotta go do the laundry at my parents and their wifi sucks. I’ve got too much work to do right now to not be working for 2 hours or more. And cold showers suck.

All this after I spent about an hour on Saturday calculating and moving money around and divesting college funds and texting kids about money in their accounts, just so I could make two college payments by the 1st. So I made one, calculated it out, decided not to make myself broke completely this week…gotta eat, although boychild reminded me of the large bunny and raccoon population (is eating raccoon a thing?), plus my well-stocked cupboard. I can eat! OK, really, I went to Costco back in August and bought a bunch of meat, so I’m using that up, and whenever it’s on sale, like yesterday’s BOGO sale at the store, I just buy some for weeks like this, when there isn’t much money, but I apparently still need sustenance. And then I made him pay for part of this month’s college…”made” isn’t really fair, because I just stole it out of one of his college accounts and he said OK, because what else is he gonna say? Same with the girlchild. I still need $8000 though. That’s more than I thought. If I think too hard about that, I might cry.

It could be worse. I’m still quilting. The water heater is a slow drip…not a rush of water like last time. The sky was pretty this morning. I’m not eating the raccoons yet…saving them for later.

Even If I Suck at It…

So I think my head is exploding. Probably because I’m being so efficient. I’m sure that will stop soon. Surely tomorrow is a clusterfuck of scheduling, so I should remember that. I shipped all the Halloween stuff and birthday presents I needed to get out of here. A miracle. Four packages to four different cities…four different states even. Made it 16 minutes before the post office closed. It’s really NOT convenient to those of us who work during the daytime, by the way. I was at school until 5:30 last night with a parent meeting. I came home and worked. Then I did some more stitching down of things.

I made it through three of them. I was tired last night; I’m still tired right now. I know I slept long and hard, but it doesn’t make up for the rest of the week, I guess.

Here’s the black and white kitty. I could do any of these in black and white, I guess. Yes, these will be for sale, soon I hope. And I could take any one of them and redo it in another color scheme. Last year’s owl was done in grays, then in purples, and finally in browns.

This is the orange kitty…kinda foxlike in some ways.

And I think this is my favorite, because it’s so obviously Kitten. Plus curled-up kitties are just cute.

There’s two more to be stitched down, and then I can start quilting, binding, etc. Some of them will need whiskers and eye bits that will be hand-embroidered. I wanted them all to be done by Halloween, but I think that’s unlikely. I am going to go through my drawings and pick one for real soon, for the next big project. I think I have some already enlarged; maybe I should pick one of them. I’m hoping to get more grading done today and tomorrow. I have a meeting tomorrow, but I often grade right through it.

In other news, the SAQA Oasis exhibit that was supposed to be in Palm Springs and at PIQF in Santa Clara is lost at the moment. There were 8 exhibits on a pallet that all disappeared from the shippers’ warehouse before they left for the first show. It’s over a hundred quilts estimated lost. Insurance has been contacted, videos watched, people notified. All we can do is wait. They’re somewhere. I know that. Meanwhile, this quilt, Part-Time Oasis, can’t be entered anywhere though…

It sucks. I’m crossing my fingers. This shit happens.

Plus you can buy the book! From here! Currently $12.99, free shipping with Amazon Prime. I really do think these will have to show up at some point. They’re in a warehouse somewhere stupid and someone thinks they’re part of something else and haven’t even looked.

(Neighbor is up on the slope coughing up a lung…putting the music back on)…

If you didn’t know, I’m an INFJ…

Does not matter how many versions of this thing I take, I get Introverted Intuition Feeling Judging: The Advocate! Rarest on the planet! Less than 1%! Famous INFJs include Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and Mother Teresa. OK, that kinda makes me laugh. Way to make me feel inferior, guys. But yeah. I’ve had people argue that I’m not an introvert before, and I’m like, wait WHAT? I totally am. I need to recharge on a regular basis. I unfortunately have a job that fully sucks up all my energy. In fact, I use this as my excuse for not doing lunch detentions at school. If I do those, I want to kill people. In fact, tutorial often makes me feel that way too. Sigh.

So I still want to draw. I keep running out of time to do the things I want to do, because NEED is such a fucking asshole. October has been just as much of a clusterfuck as September. I have not figured the whole balancing-time thing out, despite kids being gone. I seem to be more buried than ever. I’m finding it incredibly frustrating. I keep trying to get a handle on it.

I don’t know why Doctor Who is fucking around with Clara, when I obviously need his help, like now. Time machine? Really? Get your ass over here, Doctor, and help someone with some real time constraints.

So I’m going to go sit and watch some stuff today and try to bang out some major grading this weekend, even if it kills me. Plus finish a story, stitch down the remaining two quilts (two or three? There’s only two left. Did I say three up above? Damnit), get ready for school this week. Major crazy lab prep this week. And money is super tight, with two college payments coming up on the first, both of which I’m trying to pay, at least some of each anyway. Boychild reminded me that I always have a fairly well-stocked pantry though, and he’s right. I have frozen meat in the fridge and pasta and rice. I shouldn’t need much to get through the week. Milk and veggies I think…thinking it through.

Will draw. Even if I suck at it.

Not on the List of Have to Get Done

I’m having to be a nasty hard-ass at school. I’m asking kids to do a difficult assignment and their first response is to give up. Interesting that we have raised them to have that reaction. So I can’t be nice in class. I have to bug them and set these rules that makes me a cranky bitch by the end of the day. And then in the middle of it, the fire alarms go off. Not a drill. No fire in the end…just a science experiment gone awry (not ours!)…but the kids are distracted afterwards and can’t get back on task. They don’t want to get back on task.

At the end of the day, I can’t get back on task either. I can’t even remember where I’m supposed to drive after school; I automatically head home. Dammit. Drive in a big circle, remember the other errand. Do them both. Go to counseling. Sigh. Many things are much better than a year, fantastically better than two years ago. That’s good. There’s hope. Doesn’t help this morning when I’m exhausted, looking forward to another day of being a bitch, managing pre-teen lives. But I learned something from how I taught this last year. I’m going to do it better this year. It will still be mean mom teacher and hard work for me, but the product will be better. I hope.

All I can do is hope.

Then a parent meeting late late late. Ugh. I’m already tired. But ideally this will solve some problems with a kid…they lie to us and parents until we all get in a room together, and then they realize we talk to each other. Sometimes I wonder how smart teens are. They think they can copy each other’s homework and I won’t notice the same awkward phrasing in two different assignments? They think I can’t hear across the room. They think I don’t know that staring into your lap and grinning stupidly means they have their phone out.

Yeah. So that’s my day. Yesterday was fire engines and helicopters. Hopefully today will be calmer.

I had a 2-hour-long conversation with the boychild, a shorter one with the girlchild, and side conversations with a high-school friend who took girlchild out for food and solved her boot problem in Boston. All of that via text, of course, so all at the same time.

And then I managed to get up off the couch (so tired) and come in here to keep going. I stitched down three tops and repinned them…

It was less than an hour I think. I was just tired. I actually went to bed early.

I’m going in backwards order now. Did the owl, the two hearts, Cat 7 and Cat 6…

So five cats left for tonight. Then quilting. Except my grading workload is huge and out of control. Still. But grades are due in two weeks, so I have to decide how that’s going to roll. Sometimes I push assignment grades to the next trimester; sometimes I bust my butt to grade them in time; and honestly, sometimes I toss a graded assignment. One isn’t going to make or break any kid, not at this stage.

Still looking for a possible vacation option in the next few months…doesn’t have to be a long one. Just a few days away from everything. Seems impossible most days. Walking away from the list of things to do. Thinking about that throws me back into the depressed place.

I’ve said all week that I want to be drawing. If I can get the teacher part of my brain to shut up, maybe I can do that this weekend. Give myself time to do something that’s not on the list of things that HAVE to get done. We’ll see.

What You Yelling At?

It’s weird how teacher irritation seems to move through us like a virus. You think it’s just you, that you’re having a bad day, but no, you talk to your coworkers and everyone’s frustrated, on the edge. Except it’s October. And there’s a lot of the school year in front of us yet. But maybe this is just what it’s like when the kids are in a mood, the moon is swinging one way or another, and then next week, there’s a confluence of stars and student work ethics and it all mellows out for a few days. You take a careful deep breath and try not to disturb the universal peace too much.

So I came home and went to the gym. After I wrote a bunch of emails and tried to make phone calls where people don’t answer and I leave messages and then they call back and it’s not a good time, because hey, I teach during the day. The gym was a good choice. I’m reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula though (book club selection…even though I missed the meeting…I’m trying to force myself to finish it). I don’t think it’s a good choice. I may give up soon. I’m just not in the mood for all that plodding old classical stuff of diaries and Renwick’s bug-eating tendencies. Yick. I think I need to NOT make myself work at reading unless I’m enjoying it. And I’m not.

Then I made dinner from scratch. Crazy that. What amuses me is that the recipe is supposed to be like 20 minutes or LESS! Fuck me. Am I cooking-stupid? Because it was 50 minutes. And I’m sure there’s a trick to grating onions, but I don’t know what the fuck it is. I’m pretty sure there’s grated finger in there with the red onion. Whatever. It was good and now I have leftovers. I really try to only cook from scratch 3 times a week and then I eat leftovers the rest of the time. It’s not lazy…I just don’t want to use up that much of my life cooking. I like to eat good fresh food. I just don’t really enjoy cooking that much. It’s definitely work.

Then I graded. I am so freakin’ tired of grading things. I know I came home last year many nights and graded nothing. How the fuck did I do that? I think technology is really cool, but I’m not sure it’s helping me grade…I think it’s slowing me down.

And THEN. See I still didn’t make art. Some bank donated backpacks (cheap nasty backpacks, you assholes) to our school for needy kids, and the stitching is shit, so they’re falling apart. So I took two of them home (and there’s a third one in my mailbox at school apparently) and tried to fix them. But I don’t think they’ll last forever because the fabric is shit too. Might be better just going online and begging LLBean to donate to us. Then I know they’ll last for two years, even with middle-school abuse.

So I didn’t make art until 11:35 PM. Crazy, right? And frustrating as hell. I got one done.

Unpinned it. Stitched it down. Pinned it back together. Whoo! Eight to go. Maybe I’ll get more done tonight. Giant ass sigh. Some nights just suck.

This amused me. Cat sleeping on mouse. Ha!

Simple pleasures. While I was grading, I had both cats. One was half on my lap, lying on the red pen. OK, I’ll use pink then. The other was lying on the pile of ungraded papers, and every time I’d reach for a new class section, she’d attack me and bite my hand. Sheesh. That’s how I feel about them too, Kitten. I gave up after two periods because it was so freakin’ frustrating reading answers to questions they obviously hadn’t read. If I’m pissed off, it makes it hard to grade and be fair, so I stopped. But seeing as how I didn’t even get dinner until 9, it was late and I was justified in stopping.

Plus I’d finished the second episode of Elementary. Good time to break.

It’s probably a good thing I have counseling tonight. When I burrow between the couch cushions and yell, she’ll know what to do. Oh wait. I do that here too and all the animals just stare at me. Like really. What you yelling at?

I know. What’s the point. Mantra for the school year…whatever!

I really want to draw tonight. Remember that.

Medium-Sized Clusterfuck

It feels giant. Like a huge fuck up. But it’s really not. It feels that way because I’m overwhelmed…and overwhelmed is a place I don’t like to be. My counselor says I must like it, because I spend a lot of time there, but I haven’t been able to figure out how NOT to be there. She doesn’t have a map to get out of it.

So it wasn’t a small clusterfuck. I pinbasted 9 quilts and then finally got into my studio last night to do the last one and hopefully start quilting. I even sat down at the machine, all set up for quilting, and then put the owl quiltlet under the machine, and stopped. Fuck. Seriously? Where the hell is my brain? I don’t even know. I have to say that I always have some issues this time of year because it’s the anniversary of my marriage falling apart…after 13 years, I still can’t erase that date from my mind. Which is one of the things about my brain that I don’t appreciate. Can’t remember what I did last week, but 13 years ago is fresh, like it just happened. I could do without that. My anniversaries are all nasty ones.

Anyway, so I hadn’t stitched any of the pieces down. I iron, then I stitch down, then I pinbaste. Somehow my brain decided that completely skipping that middle step would be OK. And yes, I briefly considered a variety of options, including going to bed, having another glass of wine, sewing them down while sandwiched, or quilting without sewing them down. I also went through the pros and cons of each option, and then unpinned the owl. I stitched him down, ironed him again, and repinned him.

There. Done. So was that so hard? Nope. I can handle that. I’m more pissed at myself for spacing out. The fix isn’t bad, not too time-consuming. It was only another 5 minutes. Not the end of the world, right? But frustrating at 10 PM. Frustrated with my own brain.

Then again, I had a weird day. I didn’t teach yesterday. A local youth services group came in to talk about suicide and depression to my kids, so I sat off to the side and graded papers and tried to keep track of the kids who needed reminders of good behavior. And by the end of the day, I was reacting to all the talk and videos and listening to the kids. I could tell. I actually don’t remember this day from last year at all. It’s a total blank. This is like the second trigger event for me this year at school. I guess it makes me relate to my students. One of my weird ones was having an issue with the video. I could see her curling up into herself so I made a face at her. She giggled. Then the instructor (who was getting tired, I could tell…even teachers get crankier as the day goes on) got all snarly about her giggling and lectured us on feeling uncomfortable and not laughing (for whatever reason, because if you’re uncomfortable enough to laugh, that lecture just made you more so), so I gave her the giant scared eyeballs and she started to giggle again (I am evil), but muffled her mouth under her hand. I got that kid. She’s working for me now. Not a lot, but a little. Better than the I-Don’t-Care attitude I got for the first month.

I know I appreciate all the people who checked in with me repeatedly, sometimes annoyingly so, while I was going through my depression. Because it was bad. And it’s still there, the remnants of it. It never really goes away. It makes me question everything I think or do some days. Some of the mood this week is trying to visualize a future, a place where I have everything in balance, semi-under control (because I don’t think my life will ever be beautifully under control). I know some of the things I want, but getting there seems pretty impossible most days. I know I’m working my butt off at the moment, and I need that to loosen up a bit. So fucking up the quilting process, something I’ve done for years, doesn’t help me feel like I have a handle on things. I mean, I know everyone’s needs are mostly being met, but I need to get my head up and over this pile of crap, both the work stuff and the mood stuff.

Anyway, because I like to make it hard on myself, today I’m giving my students a hard, really hard assignment…for like the next three or four days. So that should be fun. For none of us. You will hear my frustration probably starting tomorrow. But whatever. Sometimes things are hard, and you do your best, and if you happen to succeed at the hard stuff, the reward will feel that much better. Maybe I should start with that today. For them and for me…

A Pile of Quilts

Plodding along some days. Yesterday, my to-do list overwhelmed me. I went to my new chiropractor, who is large and muscular and male, which was kind of a new experience. That said, I can move my neck again. That’s a plus. Then I came home and walked the dog, about a mile of it essentially in the dark. I’m not going to be happy with Daylight Savings, am I. And then the to-do list reached up and slapped me in the face. In fact, the girlchild called and added things to the to-do list, and there are other things on there for her that I haven’t even touched. Because they’re annoying and time-consuming and I don’t want to deal (flight home etc.). But work was screaming at me, plus a bunch of stuff that has to be mailed or shipped, but wrapped first, plus I need change, and it’s all so complicated, so I quit and sat on the couch, completely overwhelmed. I hate that feeling. And I know the best way to deal with it is to make a list or two and prioritize and calendar tasks, and I did some of that, and then I came in here to deal with art quilts, because the rest of it was just too much.

If I can’t get my brain around it, then it isn’t happening.

I sandwiched and pinbasted 9 quilts last night. Granted, they were all small, but I did pretty good. Here’s the stack of them…

I found two large pieces of fabric that were relatively useful for backing…this Monet waterlily fabric you can see in the top left…

And this brightly colored town fabric that I’ve had for a million years. There’s stuff hidden in the back of some of these fabric drawers that might never see the light of day…and some of it isn’t really relevant to the kinds of quilts I make now, so they work well for this.

I am almost out of large pieces that will work for backgrounds on small quilts though.

And then I have a ton of leftover batting I use for this. In fact, I had some leftover pieces that are about 6″ wide, and I have a hard time tossing those even…smaller than I will ever work. Yeah, I know I can piece them…I did that on the 17-foot woman…but I prefer not to for something that hangs on the wall. Anyway. There’s one left, the owl. Long and skinny. It was after midnight by then and I was tired. I’m tired now too.

Interestingly, there will be a group of people teaching in my class today, so I can get some grading done. That’s a good thing I think. I won’t feel as bad about blowing off school this afternoon, when I have a thousand things scheduled on my calendar. That whole thing where having the kids gone would open up my schedule? Yeah right. I don’t know what happened with that…the extra work I took on, I guess. Need more of that. Gonna have to bid again. In my spare time. To do more work. In my spare time.

In other news, the kids experienced snow flurries this weekend at college. Boychild has all the appropriate clothing; girlchild panicked. She now has a winter jacket on the way (temperature yesterday morning was 20 degrees), and spent all day in fleece. Socks were on her agenda as well. Amusing, because it hasn’t even really snowed yet. Guess that one will move back here, no problem. The other one gets cabin fever with a long winter too…he likes to hike like his momma…so maybe he will come back too. I just want them to be on the West Coast in the long run. Back East is so far away.

Anyway, the mood from Sunday continues. It’s just getting pushed out by stress. Or amplified by stress. It’s there anyway. Working on it. Regular exercise planned all week. Regular artmaking planned all week…I’ll have to start quilting these in the next day or so. That will send me back to the chiropractor (already scheduled for next week…told you it was bad). Don’t even talk to me about money. I might explode.

Should have meditated last night…but I didn’t have time. Yes, that’s ironic.

I Hope I Put It in My Phone

I’m never really sure what throws my brain in a hole. It’s stuff that happens all the time, but then my reactions are different for some reason. Like a switch flips up or down and that’s it. There’s the hole. I’m in it. I often blame hormones. But who knows if that’s really it. I had a really successful weekend. I got a lot done. I went to an opening where I won an award. I don’t know what the deal is. Hopefully it won’t last long. Usually being around middle-school kids all day has a tendency to banish the blues. And calling it “the blues” is kinda lame too. It’s just a bad place my brain goes, a place it’s been before, and apparently a place I’ll never forget how to fall into.

With that, here’s what I got done on Saturday. Kitten was the model for this one…

She’s cute. Another quiet one.

Then the second owl…this is pulled from one of the bathtub drawings…in fact, it might be the one I’m going to make next into a quilt.

I haven’t decided for sure yet. I tried him on multiple blues, but this one worked best.

I finished all of that before going to the Interpretations opening at Visions…where I won the Director’s Award. Which is cool. Never won an award there before…me with my giant boob. The show is open until um…January 3. Long time.

Several people asked if it was me in the story…and yeah. I dealt with about a year of excessive mammogramming and ultrasounds and twisty pokey stuff, and then they proclaimed it a normal dark spot. I did actually see it on one of the scans. It’s been there for over 7 years now and hasn’t changed. It’s the alien in my boob. Much like the aliens in my uterus. Who might all be gone now. Who knows.

So that was Saturday. Sunday was filled with errands and getting ready for school, sending emails and fixing the website and trying to organize the week and get caught up on grading (I will never be caught up).

Then I came in to iron. It was late, but I’d been fighting that mood for hours and there’s no way to make it go away, but making art helps it feel less awful. So I ironed the last of the cats. Yeah, this is the weird one.

I drew it during a staff meeting…or a union meeting. Can’t remember which. The woman next to me kept watching me and it was annoying me, so that’s where the eyeballs came from. Anyway…I’m not really expecting this one to sell (although someone bought the eyeball bird last year, and it was a weird one). I like it anyway.

The next step, hopefully tonight, is to start sandwiching all of them, getting them ready for quilting. Progress…slow but sure.

So I was getting ready to go to sleep last night and looked up at my bedroom ceiling…

Yeah, so I had to get a stepstool and a tupperware and some cardboard and then he kept running, but eventually I caught him and set him free in the front yard. My biggest freakout with this is How do they get in? Because there was the baby lizard on my pillow a few weeks ago. I feel like there’s a lizard family living in my bedroom. But Kitten lives in my bedroom. You think she’d be aware of these things.

There’s also this…

I needed a fried egg in a circle. I was actually fascinated by the patterns of the oil in the tin foil. I once painted a whole 3×4′ painting of tin foil. It’s in the garage somewhere. Ah, the things you do in college. There’s also a 4-foot green penis. And another one of a tin can. That one’s cool. It would make a great quilt. I did it as a screenprint too. I was talking to one of the artists at the Interpretations exhibit about all the stuff I want to try and how I don’t have time, and she just straight up said I needed to retire. Then I would be able to do those things.

Oh. OK. I’ll get on that (excuse me while I roll around on the floor laughing, because I won’t be able to afford to retire until I’m dead).

Meanwhile, I make art in the middle of the night. I draw in my head while I’m in the car. I compose quilts while sitting in meetings. I color them in while I’m grading papers. I get ideas while I’m teaching (I got one the other day and yelled it out, and my students were amused. I don’t remember what it was now. I hope I put it in my phone. I usually do.).

OK. With that, I need to go earn a living.

Hearts in Hands…

Saturday came to me early and I told it to fuck off. I reminded it of all the Saturdays I’d been up early for soccer games, up before dawn, getting cranky-ass kids out of bed and finding their uniforms. Getting up early because kids were up. There was no such thing as sleeping in. Saturday reminded me that Kitten was hungry. I rolled over and told Kitten to fuck off, that there was dry food in there and she obviously could gnaw on my arm if that ran out.

It’s such a rare occurrence that my street is quiet and there are no other interruptions in the morning that I can actually sleep. So I did. Because obviously I needed to. Although I have a headache…but I think that is attributable to my need to go to the chiropractor (appointment Monday with a new one, because my old one retired) and possibly the weather. Or a lack of caffeine. Can’t fix the weather.

I graded papers last night. I know you’re shocked. I didn’t grade all of them. I left some for today or tomorrow or for every fucking day between now and the end of the school year. And then it starts again next August. Teacher hell. If you don’t grade it, they won’t do it. Sigh. So I’m buried. Underwater. In a metal tomb that says “She didn’t finish her grading before report cards” inscribed on it.

But then I got up off the couch…and I should admit that I took the dog on a glorious 3-mile walk before I graded papers, so getting up off the couch was a challenge…and came in here. I didn’t get all of them done, like I wanted, because now I’m ironing the more complicated ones, so they take longer. Well, one of them did. The other was pretty quick. I’m hoping to do some more today, but I’m running out of time. Always.

Earlier this year, I participated in a fundraiser for cancer research, and I made a small heart in hands for my donation. It was too complicated for the amount paid, though, so I tried to redraw it simpler…I think I succeeded with this one, but we’ll have to see what the final minute count is…

This was actually the second one I drew…

Because first I drew this one, which is twice as complicated…twice as many pieces and many of them tiny little fingers with tiny little wrinkles in them. So not a success in simplification. That said, I still like it…

And hopefully someone else will too…

So those two are obviously not cats. There’s two cats left…numbers 3 and 6 (the one I called 3 yesterday is actually 2…I think. Sigh.). And then the owl. So I’ll get one or two or maybe even three of those done today. After I eat and shower and consume more caffeine and I really should grade more papers. Stupid job. And I have another story I really need to write ASAP.

But after hiking last night, I had to just sit and space out for a bit. I read some stuff on Feedly. And then I went to ultra-space-out mode and tried to clean up my photo files. I moved all of July’s files into their appropriate homes, which took about an hour or so. And as I was going through those, I realized I really really wanted to make another big quilt…because there were all these photos of the drawing process and ironing of Beyond the Concrete. I really enjoy the time it takes to make a large quilt…the depth of the process, how it consumes you for weeks. These small ones are like potato chips. You get one done and you’re like, oh, that was it? Must have another. A big quilt is like a good piece of cheesecake…it will last for ages. The feeling of fulfillment will last a really long time. You’ll be immersed in it, enjoying it, dreaming about it, thinking about it while you drive. It consumes me. I like that feeling.

I guess that’s a good thing, because I have two larger ones coming up that I want to do. I just need to make a decision about the drawings I’ll use. With the second one, I think I will draw something new. Maybe. I do have this incredible urge to draw as well. I wish schoolwork would mellow out enough that I felt like I could spend a few evenings drawing. I am so buried.

Anyway. Large quilt on the horizon. As soon as I get these tiny beasts done. End of October. My Halloween gift to myself…a new big project.

Hope to see you at the Interpretations opening tonight. Now I have to worry about what to wear…

Music in the Morning…

It’s Friday morning. Usually I sit at my computer, drink my tea, read a bit, and write, and it’s all in dead silence. Some of that dates from when the kids got up after I did, so I had to be mom quiet to let them sleep. But then when they went to high school, that was less of an issue…they were up well before me. I’m not quite awake this morning, so I just turned the music on. It might help. Certainly there’s no one here who cares but me and the cats and the dog. And the fat black cat just wandered in, so apparently she’s not offended by morning rock ‘n roll.

I had quilt class last night, but I was crocheting. Long story. It will eventually end up on here. I’ve always known how to knit and crochet; was taught at an early age. I used to sit in high-school history class knitting scarves so I wouldn’t fall asleep. I find history classes kinda boring. Probably means I never took the right ones.

I came home and ironed after eating. I let Rubio feed me last night. Never met the guy, but he saved me from cooking.

So the plus with these little guys is that they iron so quickly. The minus is that because they iron quickly, I have to make fast, repeated decisions about backgrounds…which is hard. But I did it anyway, until I was too tired to stand. Then I sat and did some school stuff instead.

So first I iron the whole thing to a teflon sheet with the drawing behind it…

That’s some brightly colored cat there. Then I pick a background and iron it to that. Pretty much it takes less than 30 minutes per cat…some were only 15 minutes.

Easy peasy. And the ones with a lot of white in the same range, I will outline shapes with a dark thread, almost like drawing on the quilt with the thread. So those features will pop. This one is little…the littlest, I think.

Much happier on a background. I debated green, but there’s a little green in the background and she looked funny on the green. I actually pull a bunch of backgrounds and drop the cat on top of each one until it looks happy. Not washed out. Not lost. But happy. This one made her happy. The green did not.

I did a black and white bird last year, and the patterns made it kind of fun, so I wanted to try it with a cat.

This cat is a little perkier than the last one. All these cats are numbered so I can keep track of them, but I’m not doing them in order any more. Dammit. Because the boxes were piled up in no particular order. Wish I could tell you which one this was…maybe 5?

This is 3…and I used an actual cat as a model, although I changed the coloring. So calm.

Deserving of a calm background. She’s pretty. At some point, I’m going to run out of that fabric I love, the batik with the wispy cloud lines across it.

OK, you’re gonna laugh, because I had this sudden bug up my butt to troll the internet for that fabric, and realistically, it’s probably 4 or 5 years old, so I couldn’t find it, but I found three others that are similar that might give me as much joy. And utility. So yeah, I just bought them. The internet is such an enabler. It’s also amazing with all the fabrics I have that I always need new ones. Not quite the right shade or whatever. But I do try to use stuff up…I haven’t bought anything else for these cats. The background above is from my second mom, who died in June. The spiral blue is the leftover from another background on a larger quilt…can’t remember which one. Would have to go back and search for it. I think the other blue is also a leftover piece.

Anyway. So that’s what I do in the mornings before work. Troll the internet for fabric I need? Well, no, I don’t usually do that.

Tonight, I’m hoping to do another 4 or so…I have only 5 left, but I think 4 of them are the harder ones…more pieces, more complicated. So keep your eyes open.

These will be for sale, if you didn’t realize. I meant to do them over the summer and got sidetracked, but if you’re looking for a holiday gift for a loved one (or yourself!) and you see one you like, let me know. I won’t hold you to buying it until I have it completed with a price. I just keep a wait list. They’ll probably all be between $100 and 200, except for the owl and the weird cat. They’re way more complicated. Last year’s owl was $235.

Which reminds me, there are three small bird quilts from last year that never sold. The top two don’t have a binding or a sleeve…they’re finished with a satin stitch and have two small plastic rings on the back that they hang from…they’re each 8×10″ and $100 (cheaper because less finishing time). This is Dove 2, Bird 11…

And this is Diving Bird 2, Bird 13, same size.

This is bound and has a sleeve. It’s Purple Bird, Bird 8, 18.25“ w x 14.5“ h, $205.

And then I’m working on 7 cats, 2 hearts in hands, much like this one…

But not exactly. And a different owl than last year’s…coming up in the next week or so you’ll see them all ironed down. Actually, I wrote this part last night, and I’m hoping to see them all ironed down in the next 24 hours. We’ll see about that. I do have to grade papers too.

And I will be at the Visions opening tomorrow night…posing with my quilt? Who knows…

Time Keeps on Slipping…

Getting there. I am getting there. Despite a long day at work (union meeting went on forever. The only plus was all the grading I got done while I listened to the crazy), I managed to come home and get some stuff done. Not everything I wanted. Never everything I wanted. But sometimes it’s OK to just get a little of what you wanted done. No walking the dog…the meeting went way too late. I did a little grading…figured I did a lot at the meeting. Some days I feel like all I do is grade papers.

And then I got the last of the small quilts cut out…

It’s actually got like 112 pieces, so it’s not particularly simple. But I like it.

Then after coming in the studio and working on computer stuff for a bit, I started ironing…this is Cat 5…

She’s darker in real life…don’t take photos at night!

But she was quick enough to do. Probably took me longer to pick the background than anything else. Oh yeah, and I lost her back foot somewhere. Don’t know what happened with that, but I had to cut a new one. So that was extra time.

I price these little quilts based on how long it takes me to make them, so I’ve been keeping track of the time. I think I’ll have to make an Excel spreadsheet for the data. Last time, I had a hand-drawn table on a piece of paper (so old school). It’s nice to compare them…pretty much it works out that the more pieces it has, the longer it takes, but I had one bird last year that was just a pain in the butt to put together for some reason, so it took more time.

I have another meeting tonight, so who knows when I will start again with the ironing. I’m tired, and that always makes it harder. It’s funny, because at midnight, I’m rarely tired. I get a second wind that actually makes it hard for me to sleep. I’m sure some doctor would suggest I go to sleep when I feel tired, but then I’d be in bed at 5 PM and wide awake at 2 AM. Maybe that’s how my body should work. It’s so foreign to consider living that way though. I have friends who get up super early in the morning, some at work at 7 AM or earlier, and I know I can DO that, I have had to do it for previous jobs, but ugh. It meant I came home and was still braindead until around 6 PM, and then I had to go to bed earlier because I had to get up so early. For someone like me, it was not conducive to an art existence.

I got photos yesterday from two shows where my pieces have landed, part of traveling shows. One was the St. George Museum in Utah, where Celebrating Silver is for the next few months. No photo of my piece. Nice. I’m paranoid because once my piece wasn’t hung due to nudity, and no one told me, until one of the participants went and noticed the two nude pieces weren’t there. The group in charge never told me. So if I don’t see it in pictures, I’m not sure they even hung it. If you go there, tell me you saw my piece. Please.

The other exhibit is in New York, at the Regina A. Quick Center for the Arts in St. Bonaventure. This is People and Portraits. The space looks nice and open, and I can see one of my pieces…

It’s on the far right (Fully Medicated). It’s way more nude than the other one, so I assume they’re both hanging.

This weekend is the Visions: Interpretations opening, and I will be able to take photos there, so you’ll see those here eventually. And hopefully someone will go to the San Jose Museum opening of Earth Stories and send me photos. I’m not going to Houston this year, because nothing is traveling there. Oh well.

So hopefully tonight I’ll iron more cats or hearts or whatever. Honestly it doesn’t matter what…as long as I’m doing something. And sometime soon I need to sit down and make some decisions about the next two deadlines and what I’m going to do for them. Time keeps on slipping…