Not on the List of Have to Get Done

I’m having to be a nasty hard-ass at school. I’m asking kids to do a difficult assignment and their first response is to give up. Interesting that we have raised them to have that reaction. So I can’t be nice in class. I have to bug them and set these rules that makes me a cranky bitch by the end of the day. And then in the middle of it, the fire alarms go off. Not a drill. No fire in the end…just a science experiment gone awry (not ours!)…but the kids are distracted afterwards and can’t get back on task. They don’t want to get back on task.

At the end of the day, I can’t get back on task either. I can’t even remember where I’m supposed to drive after school; I automatically head home. Dammit. Drive in a big circle, remember the other errand. Do them both. Go to counseling. Sigh. Many things are much better than a year, fantastically better than two years ago. That’s good. There’s hope. Doesn’t help this morning when I’m exhausted, looking forward to another day of being a bitch, managing pre-teen lives. But I learned something from how I taught this last year. I’m going to do it better this year. It will still be mean mom teacher and hard work for me, but the product will be better. I hope.

All I can do is hope.

Then a parent meeting late late late. Ugh. I’m already tired. But ideally this will solve some problems with a kid…they lie to us and parents until we all get in a room together, and then they realize we talk to each other. Sometimes I wonder how smart teens are. They think they can copy each other’s homework and I won’t notice the same awkward phrasing in two different assignments? They think I can’t hear across the room. They think I don’t know that staring into your lap and grinning stupidly means they have their phone out.

Yeah. So that’s my day. Yesterday was fire engines and helicopters. Hopefully today will be calmer.

I had a 2-hour-long conversation with the boychild, a shorter one with the girlchild, and side conversations with a high-school friend who took girlchild out for food and solved her boot problem in Boston. All of that via text, of course, so all at the same time.

And then I managed to get up off the couch (so tired) and come in here to keep going. I stitched down three tops and repinned them…

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It was less than an hour I think. I was just tired. I actually went to bed early.

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I’m going in backwards order now. Did the owl, the two hearts, Cat 7 and Cat 6…

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So five cats left for tonight. Then quilting. Except my grading workload is huge and out of control. Still. But grades are due in two weeks, so I have to decide how that’s going to roll. Sometimes I push assignment grades to the next trimester; sometimes I bust my butt to grade them in time; and honestly, sometimes I toss a graded assignment. One isn’t going to make or break any kid, not at this stage.

Still looking for a possible vacation option in the next few months…doesn’t have to be a long one. Just a few days away from everything. Seems impossible most days. Walking away from the list of things to do. Thinking about that throws me back into the depressed place.

I’ve said all week that I want to be drawing. If I can get the teacher part of my brain to shut up, maybe I can do that this weekend. Give myself time to do something that’s not on the list of things that HAVE to get done. We’ll see.

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