What You Yelling At?

It’s weird how teacher irritation seems to move through us like a virus. You think it’s just you, that you’re having a bad day, but no, you talk to your coworkers and everyone’s frustrated, on the edge. Except it’s October. And there’s a lot of the school year in front of us yet. But maybe this is just what it’s like when the kids are in a mood, the moon is swinging one way or another, and then next week, there’s a confluence of stars and student work ethics and it all mellows out for a few days. You take a careful deep breath and try not to disturb the universal peace too much.

So I came home and went to the gym. After I wrote a bunch of emails and tried to make phone calls where people don’t answer and I leave messages and then they call back and it’s not a good time, because hey, I teach during the day. The gym was a good choice. I’m reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula though (book club selection…even though I missed the meeting…I’m trying to force myself to finish it). I don’t think it’s a good choice. I may give up soon. I’m just not in the mood for all that plodding old classical stuff of diaries and Renwick’s bug-eating tendencies. Yick. I think I need to NOT make myself work at reading unless I’m enjoying it. And I’m not.

Then I made dinner from scratch. Crazy that. What amuses me is that the recipe is supposed to be like 20 minutes or LESS! Fuck me. Am I cooking-stupid? Because it was 50 minutes. And I’m sure there’s a trick to grating onions, but I don’t know what the fuck it is. I’m pretty sure there’s grated finger in there with the red onion. Whatever. It was good and now I have leftovers. I really try to only cook from scratch 3 times a week and then I eat leftovers the rest of the time. It’s not lazy…I just don’t want to use up that much of my life cooking. I like to eat good fresh food. I just don’t really enjoy cooking that much. It’s definitely work.

Then I graded. I am so freakin’ tired of grading things. I know I came home last year many nights and graded nothing. How the fuck did I do that? I think technology is really cool, but I’m not sure it’s helping me grade…I think it’s slowing me down.

And THEN. See I still didn’t make art. Some bank donated backpacks (cheap nasty backpacks, you assholes) to our school for needy kids, and the stitching is shit, so they’re falling apart. So I took two of them home (and there’s a third one in my mailbox at school apparently) and tried to fix them. But I don’t think they’ll last forever because the fabric is shit too. Might be better just going online and begging LLBean to donate to us. Then I know they’ll last for two years, even with middle-school abuse.

So I didn’t make art until 11:35 PM. Crazy, right? And frustrating as hell. I got one done.

Oct 22 15 002 small

Unpinned it. Stitched it down. Pinned it back together. Whoo! Eight to go. Maybe I’ll get more done tonight. Giant ass sigh. Some nights just suck.

This amused me. Cat sleeping on mouse. Ha!

Oct 22 15 001 small

Simple pleasures. While I was grading, I had both cats. One was half on my lap, lying on the red pen. OK, I’ll use pink then. The other was lying on the pile of ungraded papers, and every time I’d reach for a new class section, she’d attack me and bite my hand. Sheesh. That’s how I feel about them too, Kitten. I gave up after two periods because it was so freakin’ frustrating reading answers to questions they obviously hadn’t read. If I’m pissed off, it makes it hard to grade and be fair, so I stopped. But seeing as how I didn’t even get dinner until 9, it was late and I was justified in stopping.

Plus I’d finished the second episode of Elementary. Good time to break.

It’s probably a good thing I have counseling tonight. When I burrow between the couch cushions and yell, she’ll know what to do. Oh wait. I do that here too and all the animals just stare at me. Like really. What you yelling at?

I know. What’s the point. Mantra for the school year…whatever!

I really want to draw tonight. Remember that.

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