She Isn’t Sure Where She’s Gone*

I would love to say I finished grading and got down to the nitty gritty of artmaking yesterday, but it was not the case. In fact, I’m still semi-buried. Remind me next time to close the gradebook a week early. That would have been smart. I still have kids sending me makeup work. I’ve just stopped looking at it. I’m just dealing with the last big project at this point, and it will get done today (even if it kills me).

My internet is still fucked. Gonna have to deal with that. But I can’t deal on a school day, so it’ll have to be Friday or Thanksgiving break. I think everything I need to do in the world is falling on Thanksgiving break. It’s a little scary.

I’m artistically frustrated right now. I feel off balance when I don’t make. I get cranky with no creation. Working on it, art brain. Trying to get there.

Some of yesterday’s delay was because I was trying to help the girlchild with an essay about political crap I barely remember…usually that involves her sending me an essay and FaceTiming me while I tell her what doesn’t make sense. At this point, I think she was reading to me out of her professor’s book.

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Before that, I was trying to grade projects with puppy asleep by me…

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Which is significantly easier than when he tries to play with me while I grade.

At some point, my input wasn’t enough…so we enlisted the boychild as well. We tried to get all of us on Google Hangouts…

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But we couldn’t hear the girlchild…hence her sad face. So she FaceTimed her brother in his dorm room in Ithaca while I was in Google Hangouts with him. Super complicated. And in the end, we all ditched her to her words…

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She finished this morning…or at least, she resolved all the comments we made.

I took a break and finished my library book because the loan was ending this morning and I only had 50 pages left of a 680-page book. And I didn’t want to wait until it was available again dammit. Puppy moved up to cat position…

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It was chilly last night…and then I went back to grading until I realized it was late and I was frustrated.

This was earlier, when I was grading on the computer with Kitten’s help…

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She’s very good at standing in front of the screen and knocking papers down.

So an entire weekend of grading stuff, a few breaks in there. And I’m not done. I feel like I’m doing it all wrong. That’s the problem with assigning these big engineering projects…at the end, you have to grade them.

And the part driving me nuts…four days with no artmaking. I wanted to be done with tracing by tonight. That’s so not happening. I wanted to be ironing by the weekend. I think that is also a no go. It’s going to make this one a really tight deadline. Deep breaths. Because when this one is done, the deadlines stretch out a bit and I have a little more freedom on what I do. Maybe. Hard to say. Certainly with school taking so much more time this year, it seems like I will never stop grinding my teeth. And someone called me about a side job…supposed to call them back today. Aargh. I need the money to pay for college, but I don’t have the time for this. I have to make time for it. Sleep. Whatever.

*Talking Heads, And She Was

Looking at the Mutating Skyline*

I’ll be so glad when the internet issues get fixed. I literally sit here and watch it come and go. Right now it’s here. But it might not be by the time I get to the end of the sentence.

We’re doing a field trip this week, so a ton of my time has been spent dealing with that. And energy. By the time I got home last night, I was already exhausted. But I dealt with food and then graded for a while and then prepped food for an opening tonight that I don’t really want to go to. Oh well. Actually, there are two. I’m not in the mood for either. I could skip one. Mentally I could skip both, but really not an option.

So it wasn’t until late until I started tracing again…

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It’s going slowly. Not sure if it’s because in the bottom part of the quilt, the pieces are all pretty big, so they take longer to trace, or it’s because I’m tired. I’m about 160 pieces in, but it’s taken me about 2 1/2 hours. That’s too long. Anyway. It will get done. It’s obviously not getting done quickly though. I guess my job gets in the way of that sometimes. Or a lot. Regularly. For instance, I had to get up early today and will have to be at school 30 minutes early for a staff photo. Let me tell you how I feel about that. No really. Because (1) I love having my photo taken and (2) I love getting up earlier than I have to. And I already had massive issues falling asleep last night (too much shit in my head). So I’m tired. Ugh.

I’m really really looking forward to next week (only a 4-day week) and Thanksgiving break (ah, so many days to sleep in. Potentially. If I didn’t have the puppy.). Then I can stay up as late as my brain needs to in order to fall asleep quickly, and I won’t have to get up early to go have my photo taken.

So looking at the rest of the week, I’ll be lucky to finish tracing this by Monday night. Which is scary, because I know when the deadline is and this is another tight one. Shee it. So hopefully fabric choosing by the 3-day weekend. That’s my goal. We’ll see if I can pull it off.

*M83, Midnight City

Don’t Matter What I Do*

Internet is sorta resolved. I spent hours on it this weekend, and I’ll need professional help at some point, but for now, I’m mostly up and running. Slowly. (“I’ll need professional help”… ha ha ha. Story of my life. Seriously though…it would be nice to be able to fix something without help.)

So it was an insanely busy weekend. But I managed some drawing time…like I wrote on Saturday, I’d decided one of the problems with this drawing was the existing head. It wasn’t quite right…her expression was off. At least for what I wanted.

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Then I filled in with white paper…this thing is like a Frankenstein drawing with all the things I keep cutting off.

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That’s as far as I got Saturday…and then last night, I started drawing in. No the old head isn’t staying. She’s just watching…

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I still don’t think this thing is done. For one reason…there’s no dinosaur yet. And there needs to be a dinosaur (can’t think if I’ve ever put a dino in a quilt? Don’t think so…it’s about time.).

I’m using this Google extension Momentum on my home and work computers. It makes you write a focus each day…Sunday was impressive. But the to-do list went from 16 or so things to just 5, so I did good.

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I made the semi-last-minute decision to add a cloud to this thing, but was trying to figure out how to attach it without the staple gun that I’m pretty sure is at my ex’s house. The animals were not helping.

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Yes. I made a cloud out of fabric and stuffed it. I might make more.

This came in the mail on Saturday.

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Obviously I’m on the Turmoil side of that with my Goddess of Never-Ending Chaos…

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It’s hard not going to the opening, but oh well. People are there seeing her, vulva and boobs and all. No there’s no penis. Why? Because she’s a goddess and the only appropriate place for a penis in that scenario is perhaps in her hand. Of which she has 10.

So she’s premiering in Houston, Texas, right now at IQF, which I think officially starts Wednesday or Thursday.

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That quilt has a lot going on in it.

Then over the weekend, Quilts=Art=Quilts opened with two of my quilts…although I haven’t seen pictures of them yet at the show…

Here’s Finding Peace (Bathtub 5)…

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And the ever cheery You Make Me Wanna Die…

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Yeah. That one. Crazy painful. Or painful crazy. However you wanna look at it.

So hopefully people saw those too. No penises in any of them…although technically there’s a male in that one. Maybe 2.

OK. Well it’s Monday. I have an early parent meeting. It’s Halloween, so everyone will be dressed up. The teachers have this thing for themes. They annoy me, the themes (well, sometimes the teachers too). This year is Heroes and Villains. I debated Trump. But I decided to make a different statement…I’m going as Ms. Marvel, the Muslim female Captain Marvel. Easy costume from one of the covers. Way easier than last year’s cow costume, which was hot as hell…but kinda like wearing pajamas.

I’m hoping to come home, walk dogs, and then finish this drawing, maybe even number it…OR make more clouds. Whichever makes more sense to me at the time. I am so not ready for it to be November. Sheesh. Not sure where the month went, but it went. My deadlines. Yikes. And I think I’m supposed to hear about 3 entries in the next two days. Knock on wood. I don’t need to get into all of them, but one would be nice.

*The Style Council, Don’t Matter What I Do

Wrong Way on a One-Way Track*

Well the wifi is strangely working again today. It was only one side of the house, you see. I actually powered up the ancient Mac Mini and did grades last night in the kids’ sanctuary. Pain in the ass. I figured it was the repeater dying or something, but today it’s fine…which means either it’s still dying, but this is a gasp of renewed life, or it’s the damn cable company screwing stuff up somehow. I don’t have time (or patience) for that. Too much to do.

The Feminist Artists Coloring Books are going to be in two galleries after this weekend, plus the Women’s Museum. Plus it’s on Amazon. Plus there’s me…trying to make back my investment and earn some money for the group’s next big show. Plus maybe even pay me for some of my time. What a concept in the art world, eh? Paid for your time.

Anyway, the nightstand has another coat of varnish on it…it’s making it look deeper somehow…although not in a philosophical sense. I think at least one or two more coats.

But I was frustrated this week, trying to get done with the nightstand, AND all the grading I have weighing me down. And realizing I have another deadline in December (wow, I actually get a whole MONTH or more)…plus deadlines piling up in the spring. I had pulled the beginnings of the drawing for the one in December…and I just couldn’t do much more than tape more paper to it. Very creative process that.

Until I finally just penciled some stuff in. Ironic after drawing a ton of stuff on the nightstand without penciling anything in (didn’t think the paper would hold up to lots of erasing), last night, I needed graphite support. But once I started, it got easier…

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I was missing the normal quiltmaking process. Drawing on the nightstand was artmaking, but it wasn’t the same. I’m still not even sure about the product. The quilts though…they have a satisfying finish to them.

I’m still fascinated with layers below the ground, with digging around down under there, or what’s hiding under there. So I put her in a hole in the ground. I’m still debating a dinosaur somewhere in the distance.

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Anyway. So this is the next one in process. I’m trying not to add a ton of tiny pieces (don’t look at the snake’s face and you might just believe me). This school year is stressing me out and I need a break from it. I think art is going to be the only place I get that, honestly. Although I’ll be glad to have the deadlines behind me.

I’m just really glad to be starting a new quilt. Really. And yes, I need to grade like crazy over the next week, but hopefully I’ll get a good start on this quilt too. And start drawing for the next two major deadlines. Which I think are right on top of each other. Yikes. No stress. Grinding my teeth dammit. It’s only October. And the next unit in science? I don’t fully understand it. Minor issue. It’ll be a relief when we get to photosynthesis and cell respiration. I know that shit. And I know a shitload more about elements and the periodic table and atoms now than I did two months ago. So there we are. I’ll be fine. It just feels really stressful in the moment to realize you either don’t remember anything, or that they’ve discovered new shit that you didn’t even know about because you were focusing on a different portion of the science world. Yeah. I’m not feeling stupid or anything. Sigh.

*Soul Asylum, Runaway Train

Daylight Licked Me into Shape*

I think that’s the longest blog break I’ve taken in a while. No real good reason except out of cell area one morning, out of time the other two days. The weekend was busy and it fell over into Monday as well. Sometimes that happens. I’m so used to writing daily, though, that it felt weird.

I think these are from Friday morning…I’m not sure…I know I found these glasses in my classroom a couple of years ago and no kid would ever claim them. Weird, right? But I think they go with the nightstand.

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I had started drawing down below…all the down below stuff, ironically.

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Then Friday after school, I drove in the dark to Agua Caliente to a friend’s bachelorette weekend. This was my home for 24 hours…

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Cute little thing. Actually not so little. We hung out in the pool, tie-dyed, didn’t hike (WAY too hot, even in October), and napped. OK. I read. I didn’t nap. Here was my before shirt picture.

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Interesting what plants are out there…

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I had to drive 2 miles out of camp to get cell service to tell people I was alive and well. These guys were everywhere.

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I never got a picture of the ocotillos…

We played Cards Against Humanity…always fun…although I had to wait until I got home to Google “YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.” Because it’s from some military sci fi game I’ve never heard of…and I’m OK with that.

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So then I drove back in the dark on Saturday night, worked most of Sunday on school and art stuff, and then went to see the Proclaimers. Last time I saw them was in the late 80s and I remembered their show as really good and raucous. They did not disappoint. They were still awesome, even though I realized how many albums they’d released that I’d never heard of. It was a good show.

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But then I took Monday off work because. Well. Yeah. Because. Because I never take personal days and I needed one. I slept in and picked up the dogs and got stamps and voted while researching and texting back and forth with the girlchild about the 223-page booklet of propositions we have in California at the moment.

And then I graded. For hours. While texting my co-teacher, who was back at school and stuck in a staff meeting where she was supposed to be planning with me. Oh well.

I walked both dogs (the parentals are home and their dog is back with them…the cats are pleased), fully expecting to be rained on at some point, but it wasn’t until we got back that we got thunder and lightning and pouring rain. Calli hates thunder. REALLY hates it. This was an hour later, when she was either hugging my leg or the cabinets or both. Poor baby.

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After dinner, I gave up on grading, plus the girlchild called.

And then I drew. This had been in my head since Friday.

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I did most of the other side last night in a couple of hours…

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I think it’s done. Maybe.

And then I started on the top.

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It’s not done. But it’s more done than it was. So far, I have about 4 hours of drawing on this. I still need to varnish it, so I have to be sure it will be dry by Tuesday. I’m hoping to do it Friday or Saturday at the latest. It would be nice to have more than one coat on.

And then I can move on to the next set of deadlines, which are admittedly less crazy, but only slightly so. I know what I’m doing over Thanksgiving Break…let’s just say that.

*The Cure, Just Like Heaven

Using Your Headphones to Drown out Your Mind*

Artmaking is the core of my existence. It really is. I’m not happy without it. If I look back over the years, when I was just out of school, first married, I made art a few days a week. I actually had a studio downtown for a while, which was nice, but still…I had a life outside of that. I went places. I hung out with my husband. I worked on the yard. Walked the dog. I still did art…probably a good amount, because I made about 6-10 new pieces a year (this is before quilting, so screenprints). I entered shows and got rejections and acceptances and shipped stuff all over the US.

Then the kids came along and that kind of put a minor wrench into it. It was a lot harder to find the time, so I shifted from screenprinting to making quilts, because I didn’t need big blocks of time and I could carry parts of it around with me. It wasn’t a quick shift. It took a long time to figure out how to do what I wanted to do. Sometimes I think I’ve figured too much out about the how…it’s not a challenge any more. And then I remember all the images I want to make into fabric, and I tell myself to shut up. I do about one piece a year that’s a challenge, usually for this feminist artist group I’m in. So I’m good. I usually get significantly frustrated with the process and feel some relief at going back to what I usually do. So I guess that’s good. “I’ll never do THAT again,” is often how I feel after one of those.

Now the kids are at college, gone 3/4 of the year, and even though I do have some social stuff, I mostly do art. Yeah, I’m an introvert, so honestly, at the end of a school day, I need fewer people around anyway. I need some quiet space.

So I have two for this feminist group at the moment…the fabric one is going OK…not TOO out of the box…I pinbasted the top part…batting and a backing even. Like a quilt. Going onto a bed…

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So I’m making a quilt of someone sleeping on a bed. To go on a bed. Weird.

My cat…because she’s there almost every night…I’ve always had a cat in the bed.

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Here she is modeling for her next cameo

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Oh yeah. And before I did all that (and made dinner and graded stuff), I walked the dogs. It was nice. Not hot (unlike what it will be later this week). We got the whole three miles in. Only one horse (two of the dogs go a little bonkers at horses…I have to stand off the trail and rein them in).

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I found yesterday very frustrating. I’m getting a lot of that this year. Some difficult kids. Trying to build a relationship with someone who acts like an idiot most of the time is a challenge in itself. I’m not sure I always have the patience for it. Sometimes I’d really just rather find a job that doesn’t follow me home and stress me out. Then just make more art.

*Regina Spektor, Eet

I Can’t Do Much from Way out Here*

Yeah. I took the weekend off writing. It really was just that I ran out of time. I regularly take Sunday off, but Saturday started with places I had to be, things I had to do, and I never got caught up enough to write. I got a lot done, though…so I guess that’s good. I’m still a little panicked about deadlines and having too much to do this week, but I’ll survive. I’m a few steps closer to being done with what has to be done.

I had ironing to do on Saturday…but Kitten really thinks of the iron as her own space heater…

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I was trying to figure out how to attach the sheet to the background fabric and keep the bottom free, but also leave the possibility of finishing the top as a wall quilt.

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For this show, I want it to hang free…but I don’t know if I want that in the long term…

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So I figured that out, marked the fabric, cut and washed the background, and then headed off to the Visions opening (more on that later), plus band watching. I draw in bars a lot…this because I like the music, and I do sometimes dance, but I’m often in there for 4 hours or so, and that’s a long time for someone like me to just SIT there. So I draw.

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I did two drawings…I don’t think this one is done…

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Nice shadows though.

Sunday, after spending most of the day dealing with household stuff and a ton of grading (I think I described it as grading until my eyes bled), I finally got back to the problem…So I didn’t want a visible stitch line, because I want it to look like the sheet is just pulled up. So I started with Wonder Under underneath…

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And once I had it attached, I hand-stitched the top and the folds…

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Because if I want all that to hold when it’s hung on the wall, it’s got to be more than Wonder Under…you can see the stitching on the back…

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Then I laid out the pieces where they belonged. I had to put another layer of white under her butt so the sheet wouldn’t show through so badly.

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And then I did the stitch down, which took less than an hour, compared to the two hours it took me to get it all on there today.

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I got it all stitched down…here’s the back.

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I don’t even remember what my time estimates were before, but the ironing took a lot longer than I thought, mostly because of the sheet. Hopefully tonight I can sandwich it and start quilting. This is a crappy busy week, though, and I still need to draw on the nightstand. Sigh.

I’ll figure it out. I always do. I think I’m OK on time, actually, so I should stop panicking…but this week feels tight already. Starting with today, because I didn’t prep for today’s lab AND I have before-school duty…so I really need to be at school early. I’d much rather make art…honestly.

*Freedy Johnston, Save Yourself City Girl

Now I’m on My Knees*

Yesterday went sideways fast. Never assume that because the mornings are going well that the afternoons will follow. Afternoons at school are like recalcitrant, tired, hungry children. Sometimes you can get them back to normal with a snack and a nap, and sometimes it’s a clusterfuck. Yesterday? Clusterfuck. I swear. I need to find that balance.

I even came home and worked some more. I have to. I barely have time to grade at school because of planning. This one made me laugh out loud…

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Dammit. Why isn’t the floor salad? It should be! I love my language learners…sometimes I can’t figure out what the hell they’re saying, and sometimes I know what it is but it just amuses me.

But then after dinner and hanging out, I finally got to this point…I took all this glue from school, where I hadn’t used it since I taught art up at the other middle school (9 years?)…this glue never dies, people…

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And I found all the books Prudence got, plus the one I already had, and then I did something I have been trained for years NOT to do…

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I tore pages out of those books…and I mixed me up some gluey water…and I started to decoupage. Yeah. That.

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So my feminist art group has a show coming up about nightstands, about the women who sleep next to them. Prudence and I have done all our brainstorming via email, because both of us are too busy to ever be in the same room together, but we both read in bed, sometimes to fall asleep, sometimes because we can’t sleep. And so we picked books by female authors who either had to write under a masculine pseudonym or one so anonymous that you wouldn’t be able to tell…and this thing is covered with those pages.

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It probably took 2 1/2 hours to cover it. I’m OK that they’re not flat. I’m sure a perfectionist would have issues. Now it’s ready for the drawing stage! Oh yeah. You read that right. I’m not sure how that’s gonna fly, but we’ll figure it out.

At the end, I took a break with the puppy, who needed some lap time. I needed some wine.

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Yes. I did decoupage in the middle of my living room on the coffee table. Gotta love living alone sometimes. I was a little worried that I’d wake up in the morning and find a cat glued to it, but they stayed away.

Calli was significantly uninvolved in the project. So was Katie…

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I think they were afraid they’d end up in the project.

This goes with the fabric one I’m working on…they both have to be done by November 1st, possibly earlier. Ha! Yeah. I’m working on it.

Speaking of working on it, this is what I face to get out of my street, my one lane…

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They move the plates back over so I can get out, but it takes time. Pain in the ass…for the next two months on and off. Sigh.

*Peter Gabriel, Shock the Monkey

You Can Ponder Perpetual Motion*

Aargh. I feel like this year is going to burn me out quicker than most school years, and not because of the kids (that’s usually what does it). I’m trying to do all the things I’m supposed to do to handle that, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Yesterday I had a ton of professional development, although honestly it just felt like another way to make me do more work than I’m already doing. It’s enough to write curriculum from scratch…but to then have to do all this supplementary stuff on the curriculum I just wrote is killing my brain. When I got overwhelmed (and irritated) in the morning, I started drawing. Unfortunately, this is on the back of some crap I’m probably going to need later (and they told me I would need yesterday, but did not).

This is what it looks like when Nida is overwhelmed in a PD…

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And it’s not because what they were saying was hard…honestly, I’ve seen most of it before, but then that just irritates me, and then they assigned some really vaguely worded homework for when we next meet, and I just don’t fucking care about their little projects that I have to jump through a hoop for. Let me plan. For god’s sake, let me get some grading done, because I’m buried. Stop telling me I have to do more.

This year. Damn. There are 17 other things I need to manage today that are school-related besides the two additional things that were assigned yesterday. Bastards.

So by the time I got home, I was antsy as hell. I just needed to like RUN somewhere (and my knees don’t go along with that much). I’ve been having a person issue with one of my walking routes with the dogs, so I didn’t want to drag all three dogs through that route…but I needed somewhere close. So I drove to the ex’s house with two dogs and picked up the third dog, and walked their butts off. Mine too…we needed it. OK. I needed it more than they did.

But I came home and dealt with grades, because I lost my prep period yesterday and didn’t have time to get them done. Plus I’m constantly trying to catch up.

Then I sanded this sucker for the nightstand project…in the dark. On the deck. With the dogs. Listening to the yelling down the road from a major accident…I heard it happen and then the yelling started. Sirens. They were yelling about a rollover. Scary stuff. It’s the turn I make onto my road and once a car barely avoided my ex with both kids in the car, taking out a mailbox instead.

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Tonight I’m hoping to start gluing shit on it. Not really shit. You’ll see. The holes on the bottom are a bit of an issue. Trying to decide what to do about them. Quick fix. There’s metal screens in there. I don’t want to spend a lot of time dealing with the holes. And I’m not great with a power saw. I have a piece of wood that’s too wide…but it would just be one cut.

Then I settled down with scissors. I thought I could finish cutting these out last night, but I was too damn tired.

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I’m maybe halfway done. Another thing to try to get done tonight. And grades. Always grades. In fact, I should be doing more of that right now…sometimes I do feel like a perpetual motion machine…

*Creedence Clearwater Revival, Up Around the Bend

Everything Zen…I Don’t Think So…*

OK. Feeling better. Got some stuff done. Did a ton of grading…still not done, but better. Finally got to the next step in the project that has to be done way too soon, and got the materials for the other project that has to be done at the same time. Got a quilt ready to ship. Now the house and yard are still a disaster, and I’m sure I forgot something, but I’m starting out OK. I even have clean laundry. See? I am functional. And how I feel about the day is directly related to how much of the to-do list I cleared the day before AND how much time I got to make art. This is why I feel better over breaks. Even the ones where I have to spend 40 hours grading.

One of the things that was delaying my start on ironing the newest piece to fabric was that I had to put away all the fabrics from the last quilt. There were a ton of them…

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But it’s not like this process takes very long…I just don’t ever want to start at 11 PM.
So I was good yesterday…I started in the late afternoon.

I had spent a good chunk of the day grading, just like I did on Friday. And puppy came to me exhausted on Sunday, which was a good thing.

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Honestly, having three dogs is a pack, and it’s a bit too much for me, but they do entertain the little one better.

The newest piece is a bit of a departure, since it will (a) actually lie on a bed and (b) not be bound. At least not for this show. I may bind it later. I’m also incorporating a real sheet in the bottom of the piece, but I realized the pillowcases in the drawing probably should use the sheet fabric as well.

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There are two human figures…but there’s only 200 pieces total in this whole piece, so I thought I could probably iron it all in one go…the flesh of the adult below.

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I had to talk myself into continuing at one point, because I was tired, but I was so close to done. It’s always a balance…because I find it hard to fall asleep anyway, so when you add that into the mix, it’s really better if I stay up too late and then I’ll fall asleep quickly (well, honestly, that didn’t work last night, but puppy barking was part of the issue…he needs earplugs).

Here’s all the fabrics I used in this piece…35 of them. In about 3 hours…

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And there they are, all ready to be cut out tonight.

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That is, if I survive today. Professional development in the morning, teach in the afternoon, and then a 2-hour staff meeting. Plus the dogs need a walk, but I’m not sure I can handle all three of them at once. I don’t have enough time during the week to pull off multiple walks usually. So I’ll have to figure that out.

Three dog butts eating in a row…

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Feeding them is seriously a chore, keeping the two fat ones out of the little one’s food. Piglets. And then he just looks at me…”Mooooom. They ate my food again.” He’s the slowest eater. By far. Survival of the fittest.

I’m awfully tired this morning to sit through a PD. They make me cranky as hell anyway. Not a good sign. I’ve already seen the topics list and the things they’re going to make me write about, and I don’t have the brain power. It’s more work on top of a huge pile of work that already exists. Oh well. At the end, there’s art.

*Bush, Everything Zen