Gonna Go to the Place That’s the Best*

A mostly efficient and appropriate weekend: some personal time was had, a personal goal reached. I graded a bit and performed some school-related activities. I dealt with the giant-ass pile of leaves in the driveway, said pile containing the damn bougainvillea-thorned branch that sent me to Urgent Care last week. Groceries, laundry, dinner with parental units…all complete. I even did some ironing on the new quilt (more about that below)…but then sleep…sleep is so hard some nights. I kept trying to relax my brain enough to go back to sleep after something woke me up. It was rough. Sunday nights are bad for sleep. Anticipation of the week? Of the pace of the week? Who knows. Not conducive to good sleep…that’s all we do know.

I think the girlchild is officially done with all her school stuff in Madagascar. She comes home next weekend. That was fast. Or was it? I’ll be glad to have her back in the US, although I won’t see her until the boychild’s graduation in New York the end of May. She has a job for the summer in Boston, so that’s alternately good and sad. We’ll survive. But we’ll miss her. Boychild has another week and a half of classes and then goes into finals. I’m sure he’s stressed about the future. I would be. Hell, I am every end of the school year, worrying that my district or principal will do something stupid and move me to 8th grade science or move our principal to another school and give us someone horrible. Again. But interspersed among that worry is anticipation of sleeping in and making art and getting stuff done around here…slightly dissipated by the jury duty crap, but whatever. I’m supposed to be making a mammogram appointment…normally I’d do it in early July. Now I’m not sure what to do about it. Sigh.

Maybe that’s what’s keeping me up. Who knows. Trying to remember to do all the things…that causes some anxiety. So I made the mammogram appointment and I’ll cancel it if I have to. Reschedule. Whatever.

So my office…I put all the fabric away from the last quilt and then straightened up a bit so I could start on this one. I’m watching the second season of A Series of Unfortunate Events…it makes me laugh. The ironing board moves around the office…when it’s here, it’s totally in the way. There’s a chair in front of it for computer access, so I have to shove it back to sit in the chair, then push it up to fit behind it for ironing.

I generally pile fabrics all over the board when I’m picking them…but only ones I’ve actually used get to stay up there. I leave them on the ironing board until I’m done, so I can reuse them throughout the quilt.

Then to the right, I hang the drawing, so I can refer to it…figure out what number is what piece.

Behind me is the table where I lay out the Wonder Under pieces in order by 10s and 100s. I haven’t even finished the first 100 so far. It’s a backpack and a pile of books and other stuff. For some reason, it felt very complicated to pick the fabrics…a lot of consideration of lights and darks and contrasts. I’m two hours in and this is all I have done…

The next batch should go faster…the rug and the first figure. I pick the run of 6-7 fabrics for the body and then I can lay out all those pieces fairly quickly. My brain is still arguing about rug color (it started last night…maybe that’s what kept me awake).

Here’s the pile I had by the time I needed to go to bed…lots of grays…

It’s easier for me to see them all organized, and eventually, by color…I even managed to use the tiny hedgehog fabric. That makes me happy.

But I still have another 900+ pieces to iron down. Hopefully it will start going a little faster than it has.

Ugh. I’m really tired. Sigh. Well. Can’t do much about that. I don’t ever seem to get the right amount of sleep, do I. It might feel better once I get this whole cup of tea in me. Hopefully. Because there’s a 2-hour staff meeting in my future…could be ugly.

*Norman Greenbaum, Spirit in the Sky

Sinking Is All I Had Planned*

Took a day off from all the things. Looking ahead to May, I can see some stressful events and lots of meetings (three in one day? Really?), so I wanted to do a hike before all that. We originally were looking at a short one, but the weather was right and I had this hike that had been bugging me. Last June, I tried to do a hike with the boychild, but I had recently started taking a new medication, and it fucked with me…so I ended up having to get helicoptered off the mountain (that was a fun experience actually). The situation was scary, though, in that when that happens, you get paranoid that it will happen again, where you’ll feel like you can’t control or trust your body and do the things you want to do. So it’s been on my list since then to do the hike again (it’s one I’ve actually done 5 or 6 times anyway), just to prove to myself that (a) I can do it and (b) it was the meds, not me.

We go out Sunset Trail, then pick up Big Laguna back…pretty simple, not too much climbing, gorgeous views and a meadow.

It was a gorgeous day, weather was warm but breezy, not too bad. Probably better than last June, which was hot. The fires came through here however many years ago, so there are always new trees that have finally succumbed and are lying around.

This was a perfect time to go…lots of meadow and mountain flowers, plus the oaks have all their new pinkish growth coming in.

Seriously, there were flowers everywhere…

We didn’t see any animals, except lizards and birds…not even the cows that are usually in the meadows!

Looking down at Water of the Woods, which had quite a bit of water in it. There were only about 4 hikers on Sunset Trail, but a lot more (mostly bikers) on the Laguna trail. Bikes aren’t allowed on Sunset…that’s a plus.

This bird is loud and weird. Pretty sure it’s a
Red-winged Blackbird.

You can listen to one here…but the one I was listening to seemed to have been listening to a bunch of electronic music. He had a definite electronic twang to his song.

Walking up from the pond, that tree was just leaning there, most of its bark gone, just perched on its stump.

Some dead trees, some burned trees…

A view of Cuyamaca Peak, Middle Peak (to the right), and Stonewall.

Then we come to where I sat for about 20 minutes or so last June, waiting for the helicopter to show up. They had sent out the Forest Service guys who were already out there to check on me, and then the official rescue people hiked in from Penny Pines. Boychild and I had debated if I could hike another mile, mile and a half, to Penny Pines, but I was barely able to walk more than 10 steps without feeling like I was gonna pass out by then.

So the helicopter landed there. I had plenty of water, had drunk, had eaten. And yesterday, I was fine. No problems at all.

So we kept hiking.

A view of the meadow from Sunset Trail…

There were pinecones all over the place.

We kept going around the meadow, avoiding the mountain bikers…

Nature at its best…

And there’s water in the lake!

I’ve actually never seen this much water…then again, I didn’t hike there right after the rains last year…I’m sure there was more than this.

But it was nice to see this much anyway, along with the swathes of color across the meadows.

No cows. Girlchild would have been disappointed.

Heading back…

A little over 8 miles. Definitely tiring…I zoned out most of the afternoon, but it was good. It felt good. I’m glad to have conquered that.

Meanwhile, I did buy fabrics for the background of the new quilt. There’s a contrast challenge between bodies and fireplace and floor and background wall. The left is part of the fireplace, the middle is the wall, and the right is the floor.

I got these too. Maybe if my kids ever have kids, they will realize what all the alien fabrics are for. Or not.

These two are still nervous about each other…

Friday night I finished cutting out all the Wonder Under with Simba’s help…

This mermaid with two tails was in the Starbucks in the morning…

I finally got off the couch yesterday afternoon and sorted the Wonder Under…it didn’t take long.

We got dinner at the new Mexican place in town. I don’t believe that Frida actually said that.

And then I started ironing.

I didn’t get very far, because I was tired and it was late and standing hurt my feet at that point, but it’s a start.

Some blues for a backpack…

I’m expecting the ironing to take at least 10-12 hours…so all week, really. Hopefully I’ll be cutting pieces out by next weekend. That’s the plan anyway. Stay on task. I might need to grade some stuff sometime soon though. Sigh.

Today has a long to-do list, as always. Better get on it…

*Aimee Mann, Humpty Dumpty

In My Dreams…

Things that help: exercise, reading, interesting food, not bringing work home, even though you probably should. Things that don’t help: the weirdass dreams I’ve been having almost every night this week. I seriously wake up thinking I’ve lived this entirely different life in my head (and you’re all there, doing weirdass things), and my brain is confused by the alarm, by the bed, by the cat, by everything. I feel like I have to recite this mantra in my head: You’re a teacher. You teach middle school. You teach science. You will have to go to work today. Wait, I’m NOT discovering some weird anthropological creature in an underground dig in Mozambique? With my high-school chemistry teacher? Who’s probably dead by now (OK, maybe not…he wasn’t THAT old)? With 3 friends from elementary school and one from college, none of which I’ve seen in 30 years? OK. Brain reset.

Somewhat disorienting.

I went to the gym last night to finish my book. Oh yeah, and get some much-needed exercise. I’d forgotten how nice it was to do that. Must add back into calendar. Then I came back and made a lovely healthy meal. Also a good thing.

I pulled this picture of the girlchild’s travel group off the webs…

A motley crew for sure. They are all writing 40-page papers in the next three days, and then she’ll have a week of being a tourist, and then back home. Fast, eh? And then it’s less than a month until the boychild graduates from college, holy crap, when did that happen?

This is every teacher right now…especially as we realized yesterday that the full moon is this weekend…and that was fully apparent on our campus.

I have had to explain multiples times that they have almost TWO MORE MONTHS OF SCHOOL SIT DOWN AND DO YOUR WORK. Yeah. Rough year. Time to start teaching sex ed.

After the healthy dinner, I did more of this…not as much as I wanted to get done…

I only cut for about 2 hours, but I finished the second yard and started the third. I figure I’m about 2/3ds of the way through. Maybe another 3 hours? Sounds like tonight, eh?

I’m hoping. And then sort them and start ironing down…which means I should go buy fabrics today for the background. Store closes at 5…they used to have one late day a week, but no one (but me) used it. I can kamikaze over there after work…I try to never have meetings after school on Fridays. I need a break. Especially this week…it’s been meeting-heavy. And next week is May! Holy crap that was fast.

OK, today will be a lot of managing behaviors and pushing them through learning…hopefully it will go well. (in my dreams! ha ha ha…I don’t usually teach in my dreams…although I’m often at school. A girl can dream. Ha ha ha! I’m killin’ myself laughing over here.)

Tell Me Now How Do I Feel*

The early mornings are getting to me…I actually went to bed early last night. I know, it’s a miracle. I was tired though. Yesterday was three meetings before and after school, and the afterschool one took a lot out of me. When we teach reproduction, we have to allow the parents to preview the curriculum, which is fine. I’m glad they’re paying attention…but this was more about a culture clash than reproduction. Those are hard. I think it might have been just as hard for the dad. The parents can choose to opt their child out of a sexual education, which I don’t really agree with, but I respect their right to do so…so every year, we send letters home and do these meetings and then have parents who choose to have their kid NOT learn about how their bodies work. And no, it’s not just girls. Anyway…unfortunately, they don’t let US choose who to opt out, because there are some pure trolls and some incredibly immature (um boys) who make it a lot harder for us to teach this unit.

When I got home from that, which took longer than it ever has, I walked the dogs.

It was over 3 miles, and they were dragging at the end of it. It felt good, though. All of us need the exercise. Unfortunately, because of coyote sightings, I’ve limited the walks we go on now. I need to go out into those wild places and see if that’s still an issue. Of course, I know the coyotes are still there, but with daylight stretching later, it’s possible that I can go and avoid them.

When I came home, after eating dinner, I started cutting out Wonder Under.

I had (tired) couch companions…

He’s now licking his paw something awful, so there must be something in there. Unfortunately, he’s a bitey asshole, so he won’t let anyone else look at it.

This one also slept…

And I cut for almost 3 hours.

It’s a very methodical process, very meditative. Cut this larger section, cut the big pieces out, then down to the small pieces. Then pick up the next larger section. I got through one whole yard of Wonder Under and part of the next one…looks like it’ll take me three long nights to get through it, but I could potentially be done Friday night. I’m not caught up with grading at school, but I know there are many opportunities in the next week or so to get caught up, so I’m going to try to limit what I bring home. That life-work balance is a bitch for teachers.

I did book the girlchild’s flight home to San Diego (not until August) last night. I’ll see her in May in New York for the boychild’s graduation. She’s on short time in Madagascar now…hoping she stays healthy for the last bit and manages to get home safe.

*New Order, Blue Monday

Too Much Water Damage

This week is tired. I’m pretty sure I thought yesterday was Wednesday, which would make today Thursday, but you know it’s not. Tuesday inserted itself rudely back into the week, refusing to be ignored. Damn you, Tuesday. So now it’s Wednesday and there are two more meetings today which makes it long and tiring. Plus, let’s be completely honest here, I’ve stayed up too late two nights (or more) in a row, trying to get the Wonder Under traced. That said, even going to bed late, I find it hard to fall asleep…my brain is racing, stressed, on overdrive, wants to read my book, wants to work on the quilt, wants to do anything but slow down and relax and rest and rejuvenate. Bad brain.

Yesterday’s afterschool meeting was about National Board certification…something I’ve been considering. I need to get my district to pay for it, though. I love that the only professional development that might actually be useful for me is something I have to pay for myself…all the stuff they force me to go to is mostly useless. Sigh. So it was an interesting meeting…we’ll see if I decide to do that. It might be best to wait a year, until I don’t have to work three jobs to pay for college. Being one kid down in that respect is not necessarily helpful…the boychild had more grant money, so his payment was pretty small…in fact, we haven’t paid anything this year out of pocket…it all came out of the college money we started saving when he was a baby. That was nice. Maybe the girlchild’s will be similar. Going into the 5th year of college payments is hard…there’s nothing left. (Who am I kidding? There was nothing left after the second year.)

Then I came home and soaked my very-much-not-infected (well, at the moment) foot. They still have me on antibiotics until the culture comes back…one of the wonders of diabetes…the fear of foot injuries. I was multi-tasking…reading my book (that’s due in 3 days) while soaking. Of course. And then! I’m a character in the book!

So far, I’m kind of a lame character…but I’ll take it. Might be a true representation of the Nida character right there in the second-to-last sentence.

Then right back to this, because when I stopped Monday night, there were only about 230 pieces to go. And that’s doable in one night.

Well, it’s probably more doable when you start earlier, because it was well after midnight when I was done. Piece 1000 is in there, but honestly, last night, there were at least 3 numbers that were used twice and at least 4 pieces that weren’t numbered, so who knows what I’m really at. Somewhere AROUND 1000.

It took about 10 1/2 hours…not bad…almost exactly an hour per 100 pieces. I was on a roll! That’s 10 episodes of Agents of SHIELD too. I think. I must have watched something else too, because I still have quite a few episodes in there.

I spread out all the Wonder Under…it’s about 3 1/2 yards’ worth. Covers the light table and more…

Next comes about 7 hours or so of sitting on the couch and cutting them apart. Oh yeah, I never found two numbers on the drawing…so either they were hiding completely (sometimes I number illogically) or they never existed. The human brain is a messed-up device. Too much water damage.

Meeting this morning with the science department; after school, with any parents who want to see our sex ed program before we start teaching it. Yes! It’s almost THAT time of year. Oh boy. Seriously, they might wake up and pay attention…I’d be good with that.

If you want a copy of the catalog for the Things That Matter traveling exhibit, it’s available now on Amazon right here. All the quilt statements are in there too, which is nice. I still haven’t had a chance to read them all.

With that, I’m going to go deal with some other things that matter…

It’s Much Too Late to Find*

Apparently the girlchild and I are simultaneously on antibiotics for infected leg/foot wounds. Impressive. Except mine was a tiny little bougainvillea thorn and hers is a whopping scab from a hiking fall with a 70-pound backpack that didn’t help her Not fall. And hers is in a third-world country that hosts some nasty-ass infectious bugs. Although they cultured my tiny wound…so maybe I have something fun too. FUN.

My afterschool experience: Yup, that sucker was tiny, but my body had already mounted significant pus protection against it. Plus it hurt like a bitch.

It was deep enough that my science co-teacher rescinded her offer to dig it out with one of the rusty school scalpels (we would have put a new blade in, no worries).

Meanwhile, 11,000 miles away…some serious pus…

Blech. The mosquito bite on top of the knee looks lovely.

So I actually left school early to go to Urgent Care. We were supposed to have a staff meeting, but because grades were due, he gave us the time to do that instead. So I texted him and told him where I would be grading (and I did…free wifi..score!). But I wasn’t done when I got home…took me another 2 hours or so, maybe 3? Yeah, more like 3, to finish up grades around 9:20 PM or so. Hallelujah. (This is not the first time I have graded in Urgent Care.)

Then I bid on a copyediting job, since I won’t be able to do anything during July without constantly panicking about jury duty (SIGH). So it makes sense to take jobs on now? With school? Whatever. This one has a long deadline. Plus it might lead to more work, who knows. I don’t really WANT more work…but I still have a year of college to pay for with one kid, plus loans that need to be paid off for the other (with his help, after he gets an awesome job at BevMo).

And then I traced some more. I’m well past the 50% mark now…in the high 600s. I found two more unnumbered pieces (I am a space cadet)…so we’re at 1003? I think? No, there was one the night before…1004. I have two yards mostly filled…and I started on the third.

There are a lot of small pieces, even though I tried not to do that with the stuff I added to the original drawing.. I’m almost done with the third figure, so all that’s left is the fireplace and everything on it…cat, log pile, fire, logs, I said logs, the shit on the mantle. Not a small amount of stuff, but maybe I could finish tonight? Probably not though…

What day is it? Tuesday? OK, so finish tracing by tomorrow and start cutting out…I need to see if I have a background piece that will work for this…no, I don’t (remember conversation about fireplace and wood floor contrast)…so I should plan a quilt store trip at some point…can’t iron down without a background to compare fabrics to. Cool. A plan. Background purchased this weekend. Ironing to fabrics sometime next week? I forget sometimes how close this deadline is. I may not make it. Oh well, it will still be a cool quilt.

*Human League, Don’t You Want Me

Save Tonight and Fight the Break of Dawn*

Ahhhh. Monday. Hello. Now shut up.

Grades due tomorrow? Check. Not done. Homework you were grading in the car on the way to and from your fiber group meeting yesterday? Check. Not done. The 17 things on your to-do list from the weekend? Check. Not done. Like any of them, I think. Well, not true…I did the school-related stuff, I made it to the grocery store…so there’s food. The laundry got done somehow by 11:45 PM, so there are clean clothes. So I guess, yes, I am in survival mode. What’s new? Less than 2 months of school to go…it is not the sanest time of year.

Proof: between my co-teacher and I yesterday..

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So this afternoon, I need to finish grading one assignment, finish the makeup tests, input it all, and then decide the effort and participation grades for each kid. Fun stuff. It’s only a progress report, though, so it’s not the end of the world…which is apparent to me by the remarkably small number of kids who tried to turn in late work. Hmmm.

So I did trace Wonder Under on Saturday before heading out to the Visions opening of Things That Matter, where I met some very interesting artists (not all of us made it into this photo, unfortunately). Me, Sandra Lauterbach, Martha Ressler, Bonnie Jo Smith, Sandra Poteet, and Lin Schiffner.

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I also really enjoyed talking to Alice Beasley, whose work for this show is highly political and amusing, and Dawn Williams Boyd, whose work caught my eye right away. I think she challenged me to make a room-size quilt. Because? Oh, and apparently I own one of Bonnie’s pieces (totally spaced on that) from a SAQA auction.

There’s a catalog for this show, currently available at Visions, and hopefully other places soon. Not all of the artists in this traveling show were accepted into this exhibit, so it would be nice to see the full show when it opens in November in Chandler, Arizona…some truly beautiful work.

My piece is hanging next to Susan Else’s amazing piece about gun violence.

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That’s a gun barrel with a classroom inside it. Amazing.

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I really sucked at taking photos at the exhibit, but you should go see it and buy the catalog anyway…it’s what will help us ship our work all over the country.

From the opening, I headed to a friend’s bonfire for dinner…a beach sunset eventually showed up.

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And then to a stranger’s house to watch the band. They removed a door and that back wall to get room for the show. My guy is staring at me…I’m probably doing something weird, like photographing the band.

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Sunday was a fiber meeting, and then attempted surgery on my foot. I stepped on a bougainvillea thorn…I was wearing shoes at the time. I think. Maybe I wasn’t. Anyway, that was Saturday or maybe even Friday, but it was hurting Sunday.

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Unfortunately, he was unsuccessful…it was already swollen by then (it didn’t hurt until Sunday, I swear). I’ve slathered it with cream…even soaked it in vinegar last night. Imagine me tracing Wonder Under with my foot planted in a pot full of vinegar for an hour. It’s still in there, but it doesn’t hurt as much. All the other home remedies involve my making some gooey paste, slathering it on there, and covering it with a bandage for 24 hours. Except it’s the bottom of my foot and I stand all day. Hmmm. So there’s that. I guess if it gets worse, I’ll head over to Urgent Care for a more qualified guy with a headlamp.

Meanwhile, the low-level cold is still fucking over my sinuses. This thing is evil.

What is it about cats lying all over our stuff?

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So yeah, I traced some more Wonder Under yesterday. I have about 5 1/2 hours in, and I’m in the 400s…

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Not even halfway. I have two figures traced…one more to go and then the whole fireplace, which has quite a few pieces in it.

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I’ll try to do more tonight, but I have to finish grades first. And before that, I have to get to school and do something. I wish I knew what that something was, but you saw that text. I THINK I’ve done everything I need for today…but I’m honestly not sure. I guess, as usual, I will find all that out the hard way.

*Eagle-Eye Cherry, Save Tonight

I Don’t Ever Wanna Feel Like I Did That Day*

Yeah, I’m up early. I was already awake…trying to remind myself in my sleep to wear my anti-gun-violence T-shirt today for Columbine. Things we remember: Reagan being shot, Columbine, 9/11. Fun stuff. Right eye is twitching. Yesterday was calmer. Today will be frenetic, because things are due to the teacher and you didn’t tell us! I did. You aren’t giving us enough time! Yes I am. Next week will be a little more chill. But we’ll be talking about what war does to a country, to a national park, to be specific, and that’s walking a fine line sometimes. Too many of my students have direct experience with guns and bombs falling. I think about that and I’m glad I grew up in sunny Southern California, where the only guns are in the workplace and at school. Whoops! No seriously, my growing-up time was also pretty chill. Same stupid drama you always see in middle and high school, but also dances and parades and homework and ditching school and dressing up for Halloween and all that stuff. No war, except the cold one. No weapons, except the nuclear ones.

The quilt I’m working on now isn’t about guns or even women’s rights or climate change or anything else political. It’s personal. I need a little mental space to work on it…it’s easier to see each piece as this particular shape than to try to tag it on social media with what’s important. What’s important? Across the board, how we treat people. All people…whether we’re trying to work with them in a group or teach them or love them or be with them or just stand in line with them in the grocery store. Or like that guy who was trying to drive up my ass the other day because he wanted to pass the truck in the other lane and he was in the wrong lane and I wasn’t going fast enough for him, so all I could see was the grill of his pickup truck and his middle finger thrusting at me in my rearview mirror. Really? I was doing 67 mph in an only lane that was exiting that freeway. Not fast enough. I wonder about his life that he thought that was an appropriate move. I hate that those guys sit in my chest and make all the feels.

I graded more yesterday. I’m trying to get caught up. It’s frustrating though, because then some kid emails me, completely confused about what I graded, but he never turned it in. So that’s a zero, sweetheart. I can’t (won’t) grade what you don’t turn in.

I had quilt class last night, which is just the two of us most times now…which is fine. I didn’t want to haul all the stuff to trace Wonder Under, so I just took the box of things that need sewing down. I forgot half my thread, but this is my quilt teacher, so she has that stuff. We like never run out of thread…the spools last seven thousand years when you’re doing applique…it’s such short strands. Even all the bindings I’ve sewn down…I think only the black and the dark blue thread are anywhere near empty…and they’re still NOT empty. When I die, it will be spools of thread and art exhibit announcements…and the FABRIC that drive my children bonkers. I’m OK with that. Maybe by then, I’ll be a mural painter and it will be my spray paint collection in the garage instead.

I got the lion’s body down, the two rectangles in the background, the body of whatever that gray animal is, and now I’m working on the tree. Still lots to do. Not even sure where the wool thread is for that blue hut.

This is Mind the Gap, a show I will never see in person, unfortunately, due to the stupid hours. It closes today, I think…pick up is next week. Good friends drive down and photograph the show for you. Mine is on the right…there’s more pictures, but I didn’t have the energy to download them all yesterday. I partnered with James Watts, whose kokeshi doll is being stared down by my angry earth mother.

I’ll post more later for that. I swear.

Then after dinner and grades, I started tracing the new quilt. At 1000 pieces (and it’s 1001…I just found one I missed), it’s going to be a while…

There are some big rug pieces in there that take up lots of space on the first yard of Wonder Under. There are three figures on this quilt…so there will be lots of flesh tones. The fireplace is gray stone. Something to think about. The background will have two colors: floor and wall. How will I get the contrast I usually love? Well I need to consider that. Red wall? Dark brown wood floor? Dark gray stones in the fireplace? We’ll see. Complicated for sure. It’ll be at least 10 hours of tracing, probably more like 12. So I won’t be done with that until the end of next week probably. Good to have goals.

Time is tight. 39 days. Will I be making the other one also? What…am I nuts? Sigh. Yes. Yes I am. It may not be possible. I may have to reconsider. I may have to work harder.

This was at school. I have no idea why.

Early meeting today. Long day today. But there’s a weekend and that’s a good thing.

*Red Hot Chili Peppers, Under the Bridge

Move Through the Room Like Ambulance Drivers*

It has been pointed out to me that I am in a crappy mood. I agree. I am. It’s true. I do my best to counteract such moods: spending time reading my really interesting book, trying to draw every night, exercising on occasion (I’d like to do more of that), and messing with student brains. I had a kid write “Nida your a bitch” on one of the desks. OOOHH…that’s original sweetie. I have to agree as well. And right back at ya. So I erased it and then started a conversation, although I’m fairly sure this is a different kid…

I’m pretty sure I know which kid this is and which kid thinks I’m a bitch (the one I called out the other day for constantly trying to copy the people at her table, which is why I moved her to a different group this week. HA!). Can you see me rolling my eyes from here? Yesterday had a lot of fun components (not really) that ended in a load of stressful crap that better not show up in my class today…or tomorrow. All I can say is that at least they have bad aim, so I didn’t get hit.

Then I drove down to a show I’m in that I haven’t been able to see yet, because the gallery was supposed to be open late, but it wasn’t. So that was annoying, but I took it in stride. Because what else are you gonna do? Pitch a fit? Nah. Drive home, make a cup of tea, read a chapter. I graded a little bit. I’ve been unfocused on that shit lately…hard when you have to babysit in class after you’ve assigned something, stand over them until they make a start, stand over them so they don’t hurl epithets about Your Mom. Your Mom wants you to get to work, you sweet little dear child, not pick a fight with some other 12-year-old.

My patience is worn thin.

Dark dog…

After dinner, I finished the drawing…eventually I started numbering it…

I knew it was not going to be just a few pieces. They never are.

There’s the thing I put in the bottom corner…the backpack.

There’s the 1000th piece. I’ve never ended exactly on 1000. Yes, odds are I missed a number or didn’t number some piece. I find myself transposing numbers as I write them. I think 783 and write 738. I hope that’s not some form of advancing dementia.

It’s not huge, but it’s not small. Maybe 36″ wide? I’m not actually sure I can finish it in time. But you know me…I’m gonna try.

Besides, it’ll give me something else to think about…because I’m finding school very frustrating right now. And I’m still low-key fighting this illness. And I ate jellybeans at school all day yesterday because I was that stressed. The right eye is twitching, but not constantly yet, so I have plenty of stress levels left. By the way, if you live with a teacher, and this is the first year you’ve experienced the End of the Year Syndrome, have patience. They give us the summer off for a reason.

Here’s Simba in one of his favorite sleeping spots. He really likes that pillow.

He’s cute. That’s another thing you can do when you’re stressed: Pet the animals. Or try to comb out all their winter fur blobs. It’s satisfying.

*Beck, Where It’s At

Relief

So I moved the jury duty to July. No plans for July, I guess. Day by day. Sucks. I guess I will hope I don’t get called on the days I already have stuff planned. I’m still really irritated that the one single month a year that is usually NOT stressful will be stressful on a daily basis. I will have to set up some sort of prayer circle each night before I call to see if I have to go in. Burn some sage over the phone, sing to the goddess of teachers on summer vacation, trying to replenish the patience that gets us through the year (I don’t have much of it left right now).

Meanwhile, I think my body is trying to fight off the nasty-ass cold from hell that permeated my house last week. I have been fighting the scratchy cough, which I thought was from having to talk too loud in class, but last night it was more than that, and this morning I have the baby beginnings of a migraine. I don’t get migraines. Seriously, I’ve had two in my whole life. I know, bless me, but this is way back behind the bones and it’s vibrating like a mofo.

So stay away, weird illness. I don’t need you. I got shit to do. Yesterday, we didn’t even sit down to dinner until almost 9 PM (see notes from yesterday, this week is not working well)…and then, while letting Dirk Gently make me giggle (I really do love that guy. And Farrah. And Amanda. And maybe even Todd.), I was working on BALLS. Still with the balls. With Satchemo’s help…

OK, dude. Not really helping. “I want to touch the quilt.” “I know. I don’t want you to touch the quilt.” “I’m going to touch the quilt anyway.”

Sigh. Yup, he’s still there. Touching the quilt.

You realize that after I get all these bastards sewn down (which has taken me over a year, because I didn’t really do it for a long long while), I will have to embellish every goddamn one of them? Yeah. Me too. It’s OK. I got this.

After I did that, I considered grading, but I did tutoring after school yesterday, which was work, hard work, it’s so exhausting, so I didn’t FEEL like working. I get to a point where I just fight it. Too many hours already. So I didn’t. It was after 10 PM.

I stood up, went back to the light table (biggest piece of furniture in my living room), assessed my day, wrote a to-do list for the evening (evening! Ha! It’s night now, baby.) and the next day, and then started to draw. Fireplace done…and then the figure in front. So what’s interesting about this drawing is that I started it July of 2014. I did the two main figures and then realized there wasn’t room in my sketchbook for the rest of the vision in my head. So I enlarged it 250-300% (don’t remember which…it was a while ago), taped it together, and then put it on top of the piano to wait. Or percolate. Or something. Because honestly, what came out last night (and the few days before) was almost line for line exactly what has been sitting in my head for the last 3 years and 9 months, minus 8 days.

I can’t remember my phone number sometimes. I can’t remember what month it is. I don’t know if I made my lunch or where I left my damn keys, but I remember that picture in my head. That’s crazy. It was a relief to draw it…seriously, a like-Ima-gonna-cry relief. Weird. I still need to do something in that space around his feet, because the empty is bugging me (that’s really what my drawings are about…the empty space bugging me until I fill it)…but as I was trying to fall asleep last night (at 12:18 AM, way too late), things were popping into my head and trying themselves out in that space.

Anyway. That’s cool. I have a ton of stuff to do today, but hopefully I’ll get the last bits of this drawn tonight and maybe have time to number it. It’s a relief to get it done. I keep saying that word. Relief. That’s not the name of the quilt. Yet. It does have a name…it has from the beginning.