But Not a Word I Heard Could I Relate*

I have this calendar announcement that pops up once a month that is obviously from an ancient online calendar that I can’t access to delete the announcement. It’s Untitled. It has no announcement except that it is Untitled. So every month, I close it or snooze it, depending on how I’m feeling, and wonder if the month I die, that untitled announcement will still pop up, and if the month after I die, what will happen with that announcement. Will it still pop up somewhere? I mean, it’s gotta be years old and who knows where it’s hiding, but I can’t find it and so it will never ever go away for good.

That’s kind of how all of life seems right now. Laughs hysterically. Too many things to do, as always. I need stuff done for school that I have to get copied for next week…like 3 different worksheets or assignments or something. I need all the stuff prepped for at least the first week of January, so they can get copied in time. I have been backwards planning and the first 8 days back are still blank. Blank is nice. Blank will be good. It’s because I can’t possibly fit all the things I should be teaching into that space, so I have to figure out how to logically place all the things they absolutely need to get through the rest of the units I know we’re teaching, and my brain is just not engaging with that yet, because it’s still panicking about next week. And with multiple meetings each day, I’m not catching up.

Here’s an example of how I cope:

Yes. I’m at the gym. On an elliptical. Grading the last two questions of the assessment they did Monday. I finished! I’m excited about that actually. On my phone, I had the rubric, so if I wasn’t sure what score a kid should get, I could quick look at it again. While listening to Linkin Park. So there.

But I got to the gym late (tutoring after school) and so then I ate dinner late and started doing other stuff late, and then because everything was late, I stayed up too late, and now I’m feeling that.

I already called my online pharmacy (they called yesterday, but they keep East Coast hours). They’ve discontinued the little stabby things I use in my diabetes kit, so I need a new device for the new stabby things, which are just like the old ones, but of course, a slightly different size and design that won’t work in the new device. Assholes. Diabetes is expensive and complicated and annoying.

I have to admit to lolling on the couch for 15 minutes before I started tracing. Kitten came by and was trying to figure out how to sit on this, but the drawing is huge and she was nervous about finding the table underneath.

Also, no one can sit on the couch while I’m doing this (not true…I have my ways).

She finally settled for this position. In case you were wondering, yes…yes, she IS sitting on the edge of the drawing so I can’t move it.

Because she is a cat.

This stage is never very photogenic. It’s just days and days of this. I find it meditative, but that’s me.

I’m watching Killing Eve (thanks to whomever suggested it…it finally popped up somewhere I could watch it for free). It seems appropriate to my holiday, last-two-weeks-before-break-middle-school-teacher-mode brain. This week is going…it’s managed. Next week will be crazy time. I should get all my shopping and wrapping done this week, if I’m smart. HA! Not smart.

Anyway, I have 4 hours into the tracing and I’m at 330 or so. I’m on the 2nd figure…I’ve finished one arm, most of the other, and the torso up until whatever arm is covering it. So head and neck and shoulders left on this one, plus the stuff that’s touching it. I have a ton of stuff after school today (including negotiating a new tester for the pokey stabby things?), but the goal is to be tracing sometime late tonight, plus going to bed a little earlier than last night? That would be a good plan. I really wasn’t watching the clock last night. My bad.

*Led Zeppelin, Kashmir

Another Page in Your Diary*

I fell asleep last night trying to organize today’s school assignment in my head, trying to figure out who gets what and how, and how I will manage the different groups, and whether I’ll have enough copies, and whether they’ll come in time, and holy crap, even sleep is not sacrosanct. I guess I should know that by now. And I still don’t have it all figured out in my head this morning…but I know what I need to do if I can’t get it all done. It will work out somehow.

I’m looking forward to teaching stuff I have more control over…notionally. Not stuff where I’m trying to do the same thing an online system does, but without the online supports. January. It’s coming. What’s also coming? Rainy times. Not the end of times (although it may feel that way after another inch and a half of rain in drought-struck California…Rainy Times.

(did someone forget a word?). Speaking of droughty California, I came home yesterday to a neighbor who had a raging bonfire in their backyard, smoke barreling off into the sky, sparks flying up. So first of all, where are you from that you don’t know better than that in fire territory? Plus pollution? And laws? A nice little firepit when we’re not in fire season is fine…a bonfire that reaches to your neighbor’s second story? Dumbassery. Yes, I called the sheriff, who put me on to the fire department. I hope they fined their asses. Seriously stupid. Lots of wood around here and it just takes one spark. People don’t think.

Two meetings after school yesterday. I drew through the first one. It’s random stuff.

No logic at all to it.

Then I came home and numbered the rest of the heads. Not bad, actually…

I didn’t hit 2000. That’s good. A nice big solid piece to work on during the holidays. It’ll be my first 2019 finish, knock on wood.

After dinner, while finishing up the last episode of Castle Rock, I worked on sewing wooly bits down.

October blocks? I think.

And then I started tracing. I worked for a couple of hours, I think. I’m in the 100s, around 175, I think. The first figure is almost done. She needs a head and a tea cup or something.

She’s the tiniest one in there. Fussy little finger bits. I’m going to be doing this for a while…it’s very meditative, so I’m OK with that. I might be done sometime next week…although there are some bitchy meeting days next week. I think there are three days with 2-hour meetings. UGH.

This is what about 175 pieces looks like.

Not much. That’s about a yard of Wonder Under.

And that’s a sleepy puppy.

And a sleepy eyeball of a cat…

Tonight I’m hoping to add the gym to the mix, so maybe not as much tracing. We’ll see.

*Yazoo, Nobody’s Diary

Stuff Art in the Cracks

Rough night. Something stung my toe and it hurt. Or bit it. Or whatever’d it. And then whatever my innards are doing in response to the diabetes meds…doctor appointment on Thursday. If I can get there on time. Crazy hours that day. I don’t feel right. That’s always nerve-wracking. But teaching today should be easy, so I can grade and I don’t have to feel awesome. I just have to get it all done. ALL OF IT. Yeah right. I already had one group try to turn in their project even though I haven’t given them all of the instructions. Like CHILLAX you sweet little things. You’re doing it wrong. You don’t need to panic yet.

One of the things with diabetes is that they want you to be stress free. I get all these emails and mailers from the insurance company and the doctor’s office about how to reduce stress, but my doctor actually laughed at one point and said I’d have to quit my job and that would be stressful in itself. So there’s that. I’m not sure when I will hit “less stress” for work, but it isn’t going to be this week or next. I am just trying to stay as much in control of it as I can. Exercise, take breaks, stuff art in the cracks. As part of that, I try to go do something interesting or fun on Saturday nights. We went to see the Skull Art Show at La Bodega Gallery…kind of a manufactured thing because they all start with the same skull, but some of them were interesting enough…

Huichol bead technique always makes a statement…this is Jose Lopez…

Interesting composition…Franky Agostino…

Reminds me of my students when I ask where their late work is…Cesar Castaneda…

One of my favorite artists at La Bodega, Evgeniya Golik…

And the always intriguing Optimus Volts…

Maira Meza with her lilies…

Another interesting compilation of things, Renee Tay…

And I really should have taken a better picture of the side of this…Mary Juhn.

Then we ventured out to a new place for dinner. It was strange, but the food was good. Not many choices in the drinks arena, but all the caps were outside.

Nailed to the railing.

Came home and finished trimming all the Wonder Under…it was something over 7 hours or so total.

Then Sunday evening, after my fiber-art-group meeting, I was grading again…all the late work. Simba was very helpful…

As was Satchemo…

OK, he woke up, but mostly because he wanted me to take him out to pee.

Which I did. I finished the butterfly in the car on the way to and from the meeting…

So that’s July finally done, on to August…which are the three unembellished blocks on here…

Next in line.

So then I went to sort all those pieces. I don’t throw out the trash pile until I sift through it, which is good, because I found this piece…

And then I laid out all the bins…

And spent about 40 minutes sorting pieces by the 100s.

The last step? Coming into the office and cleaning up…putting all the fabrics away from the last quilt…hanging up the new drawing.

Now I’m ready to iron tonight. Looking forward to it. But before that, I have to take my achy body to school and get all the things done.

I’m Useless but Not for Long*

I woke up this morning, having slept through lots of noises and daylight arriving and I feel like I didn’t move all night, I was so tired, I must have been like a block of sleepy concrete that weighed down the bed and refused to let pillows and blankets move, until the first dog whined, and then it was awake time.

Quilts=Art=Quilts opens today and I have a piece in it…this is You Pollute Me…

It’s actually not a very big piece…just long.

I’m grading Unit 2…lots of them. I didn’t actually bring them home, because I have three days next week, maybe four, when the kids are supposed to be working on stuff independently (ha!), so I should be able to grade them in time at school. That’s my goal anyway.

We’ll see what reality looks like, won’t we.

Last night was tiring. But I got the field trip permission slips all trimmed, checked, and double-checked, so I know who’s going and who’s not. I started a spreadsheet for the chaperones as well…and I did seating charts for Monday for the project week, which will drive me nuts, but they do have work to do, so hopefully they won’t be total assholes about being with their friend. I’m always boggled by certain groups…when a fairly high-level girl agrees to work with a boy who does NOTHING. Sigh. Oh well. They don’t always get to pick their groups, so I guess I’ll balance it out. Put all the lazy non-workers together next time.

But the dogs last night…this was after I came back from watching the band play. Calli heard fireworks before I left and it was still upsetting her. The other two just wanted closeness, I guess.

That’s Calli’s nervous face. At this point, the fireworks happened three hours ago, but she was still panting and breathing hard about it…

And here she is with her head on my leg. Yes, I petted her lots. I told her she was a good girl and it was OK. It just doesn’t seem to help any more. Oh yeah, and here I am cutting out yard 4 of Wonder Under…

Four yards in, one to go…

Hopefully that gets done today…along with the humongous pile of other things that need doing, which are giving me palpitations at the moment: grade one assignment, start looking at the next unit which we’ve never taught before because I’m going to be gone for two days in the beginning of it so I have to leave something they can actually do with a guest teacher, plus find and sew on D-rings for a quilt that has to be delivered next week, and do another blogpost for the fiber art group I’m in, plus laundry and deal with compost bins and vacuuming and cleaning floors and groceries and cleaning up in here so I can start ironing, because if I don’t start ironing soon I’m not going to get this quilt done in time.

Deep breath. Maybe more than one. I’m overwhelmed. I know that. What my brain and body really need is a 7-mile hike today. And I’m not going to get that.

So I did go watch the man play disco, of all things, last night. Not their genre. And I drew this…

Definitely influenced by the music. I’ve been to this venue, crashing this same party, at least three years in a row, and I recognize the wait staff and one of them waved at me. I’m amused. Anyway. There’s art. I did do art. I did school. I slept. I’m going to make a list and conquer its ass. And then hopefully get some down time. Get out of the house time. Maybe some exercise. Definitely dinner out with that guy I’m barely going to see in the first two weeks of November. Yeah. That.

*Gorillaz, Clint Eastwood

Fearless on my Breath*

My head is fluffy, like the pillow I’d like it still to be laying upon. Inside it’s like clouds, those puffy white ones that look like animals and then turn into vampires. Or cannons. Seriously, I always see cannons…or spaceships, but those are a particular type of cloud. I remember that. I’m sure by the time 9 AM rolls around, some of the fluff will have cleared and I’ll have more space in there for coherent thoughts. It’s a good thing I can get up, check my blood sugar, take a shower, get dressed, feed the animals, make lunch and tea and sometimes breakfast, and sit down in here without any noticeable ability to grab an intelligible thought from my brain. This stuff I write just spills out…it’s right at the edge of my brain and wriggles into my fingers, pushing keys, hey did I tell you I finally got a new keyboard? You can actually see the letters on it. What a concept.

See. My brain just got away from me there.

Interesting segue (not Segway) into one of the things I did last night…which was to see Nick Cave (the sculptural/performance artist, not the Bad Seed)…

He’s looking perturbed by some of the crazy stuff the PBS commentator guy is saying. But also…Nick, I love your stuff, but you aren’t always coherent about your place in the world. Then again, PBS guy wouldn’t shut up. It was still cool to see and hear him…the best parts are when he would describe how he did something or when he would talk about why he was doing it. As artists, we are often called upon to explain our work, and it’s not always explicable. Or it’s private enough that we put it out there and let you interpret it, but we’re not dumping the real story out there. As one of my artist friends said, if I could put it in words, I would have…but I can’t, so I use art.

I came home and graded (oh yes), and then cut another yard out…

At least this part is semi-relaxing at the moment.

Katie is so needy some nights. The other dogs were gone, so she followed me everywhere.

Blurry night dog. She’s lying behind my chair right now. Like RIGHT BEHIND it so I can’t get out.

So this is what 3 yards of cut-up Wonder Under looks like. Slightly bigger pile than 2 yards. Hopefully after tonight it will be 4 yards, although I have a show to go watch…but late, so I should be able to sneak an hour and a half of cutting stuff out into my evening. And more grading, of course.

I really want to be ironing on Saturday, but I’m not sure that’s an option. I need to get the last two yards cut out…that’s about 3 hours. I need to grade at least one major assignment…that’s another 2 hours. Plus I need to clean up from the last quilt, put all the fabrics away, so that’s another hour. Huh. Sigh. Busy day. Don’t even think about vacuuming, mopping, washing bedding, all that crap. The compost pile. All that crap.

I did buy background fabric the other day, plus I bought these to add to the stash…

Here’s the two choices for the background. I think it has to be the one on the left, just because of how busy the quilt is and what needs to go on there, but it’s OK…I’ll use the one on the right for something.

There’s always something. It was too nice to leave behind.

Today in class, the kids are researching stuff. The hope is that they are self-sufficient enough that I can grade Unit 2 before report cards go home. In the past, this has worked. The last two years have not. Sometimes I sit with a kid or table that is off task…it’s amazing how much work they get done when I’m sitting next to them, doing my own work. I guess I’m a role model at that moment. An old scary role model who is sitting next to them. As long as I can get through at least one class worth of the units, I’m not sure I care.

*Massive Attack, Teardrop

Today is About Stuff

I feel so uninteresting lately. Every day I grade, I do some variation of eating, cooking, or cleaning, or all of the above. I teach things and mostly those days are not horrendous unless I have to carry 12 trays of sand in and out of the room 10 times. I do some art-related thing, which right now is boring to watch and semi-boring to do, mostly because I can’t find anything to watch that I really WANT to watch while I’m doing this semi-boring thing, which is sad in itself. Our ability to binge watch things and the media companies’ ability to regulate what we can see when has meant there are fewer things to watch? Or fewer things that are left that I want to watch? I don’t know. I started one the other night that was not in English. I can’t cut things out or grade stuff while watching captions, so that was out. I watched 7 episodes of Grace and Frankie before I got annoyed. I’m not really a comedy person. I like a good drama. I made it through 1 3/4 episodes of Daredevil before the sound of punch punch punch started to just annoy me beyond belief. And one episode of Midsomer Murders…too pat, too obvious, too old-school British. I love things like Prime Suspect or Sherlock, but Midsomer is too perfect.

So I haven’t found the perfect show for cutting out Wonder Under yet. It’s been a bit of a slog, working on it after I finish grading…not starting until 10:30 PM or so. I have two of the five yards cut out at this point. Yesterday was so exciting that I only took one photo…

IMG_8371 small

That is what two yards of cut-up pieces looks like: not much. This is going much slower than I thought it would. I have a thing to go to tonight and tomorrow night, so I guess I probably won’t be cut out by the weekend. That said, I did go to the fabric store yesterday to get the background fabric so I will be ready to go when I am done. Because next week is a mess. And when I got to the fabric store, the girlchild called…from a fabric store! Be still my beating heart. Ah yes, for a Halloween costume. This fabric or that fabric? Facetime colors things weird. Anyway. We both bought stuff. In different states. A bonding moment.

OK, teaching stuff and then watching/listening to hopefully cool stuff and then more cutting out of stuff. Today is about stuff.

No One Can Find the Rewind Button*

Well, this will need to be quick…been juggling stuff all morning without nearly enough caffeine in me to face the world and now I’m just plain running out of time.

I wasn’t really motivated to work on anything last night, but I did anyway. One more school assignment out of the way…one where I question the sanity of it every single time, but whatever. We sometimes do what’s best for the kids, even though it makes our heads hurt. I found an easier way this time, faster, so I got through it.

I did come home to the giant pile of branches that used to be here all cut up and gone, so now I can call the tree guy…before giant ass branches start to fall. It’s OK…storm season is late here.

Apparently the boychild and my ex took care of that. Nice.

Satchemo has a new hiding spot right in the middle of the kitchen. If there’s a padded lunch bag anywhere around, he’s lying on it…

Compost or not.

I did cut things out for over an hour. It’s just really boring to look at the pile growing. But there it is!

I wasn’t in the mood. Trying to find something really good to watch to motivate me, but having a hard time of it. I need a really good sci fi show with 12 seasons I can binge watch, but that I haven’t seen before. Yeah. Right.

Look! He moved onto my sweater.

You wonder why I’m always covered in pet fur.

OK, off to work. I’m late and nothing is done. As always. More cutting out of things tonight.

*Anna Nalick, Breathe (2 AM)

Anchored Down in Anchorage*

Have you noticed that mornings are darker? Yes, winter, and yes, daylight savings time is coming (or NOT daylight savings time…I’m never really sure when we are in REAL time and when we are in FAKE time or what any of that means). So it’s harder for me to wake up in the dark and it’s harder to not trip over the dogs on the stroll down the hallway to the place where all the pet foods are (I have a train of furry beasts in the morning). It’s not a stroll…they are rushing toward the food bowls as if it’s the end of the world…except for Calli, who stops to scratch. Her skin is awful right now. Lots of medicated baths.

Sometimes (because I live in Southern California) I have to stop and think explicitly about what season it is. Although I’ve started wearing a sweater to school every morning, so it’s not early Fall or late Spring. I know, shut up. I got that. I like my weather mostly.

Yesterday afternoon was delightful for walking. The poison oak knows it is Fall…all of a sudden, it’s changing color rapidly. There’s poison oak in my newest quilt.

It was sunny in the morning, but the afternoon was lovely and cloudy and a bit chill, but not really. There’s wind out here.

I always wish I knew more about the rocks and formations around my home. Strange rock outcroppings abound.

We went all the way out to the water bridge. It’s old. It’s protected.

It’s somewhat dangerous looking. The mountain lion signs are still up.

The dogs got tired. Really, that’s the purpose…plus me getting exercise. Perhaps getting out into nature.

Calli was certainly tired out.

I ate. I graded. And then I traced the last 170 or so pieces.

Grading seems a never-ending thing. I’m getting close to caught up, if I ignore the major unit being turned in on Thursday, plus a comic strip, and then another project due the following Monday. Because I’m crazy. But we were smart enough not to assign any additional homework for two weeks. Because then we’d have to grade it.

I finished tracing just before midnight (I started late). It took almost 12 hours and ended up being about 5 yards of Wonder Under.

Usually it takes me an hour to cut out one yard…so that’s the next two or three nights, I think. Depending on other stuff. So ironing to fabric by the weekend? It means I need to go buy background fabric. Or look at what’s in my stash and see if there’s enough of anything that will work.

On to the next phase of this one. Getting close to the fun phase. It’s not that tracing Wonder Under isn’t fun…it’s meditative trying to fit all the pieces in while tracing. But sometimes it’s boring or tiring, depending on how much standing I’ve been doing. Progress is good though. I need to finish this one in a little over a month, which I can easily do, except there’s some traveling in there too…so that’s a constraint. Anyway…it’s going to be an awesome quilt even if I don’t finish it within the deadline. So there’s that.

*Michelle Shocked, Anchorage

Let Me Enfold You*

I’m excited! The 2019 official Spring Break vacation is booked! We’ll even have no showers for a couple of days! Oh boy! I like showers. I do. Especially when hiking and camping. But I’ll live. It’s Utah this time…we tried to stay in one place a bit longer than last time, although last time, there were a couple of campsites that I was glad I didn’t have to stay there more than one night. Anyway. It’s done…although the tent caterpillars in Zion are keeping us out of the campsites there, and you can’t book Bryce in advance, so we’ll only actually be IN one of the National Parks to camp. It’s OK. We will survive. Looking forward to lots of rock and probably freezing my ass off at night. It’s a good thing I’m bringing my own personal space heater.

I also booked the girlchild home for Winter Break, which is nice. Now I just need to get my parents to answer email so I can book her graduation trip. I have no idea what full name my mom has on her drivers’ license. Can’t book a flight without that. Like does she have her real middle name that she never uses? Or her maiden name as her middle name? Or what? I don’t know. I never changed my name when I was married, so I don’t know what people do. Honestly it’s a practice I’ve never really understood, so there’s that.

Anyway, trip progress was made. That’s all that matters.

What did I do all weekend? I did go to see the Visions opening at the Visions Art Museum. There were some interesting pieces in the show. I always recommend it. I also graded a bunch of stuff and traced a lot of Wonder Under, like 6 hours’ worth or so. All good.

But what it looks like HERE is a lot of piles of Wonder Under…which is not very exciting for YOU, but it is for ME. This was Saturday night…I had almost 4 yards traced…

Piles of done yardage…

Three dogs refusing to be photographed. Or to lie in the same place…

More yardage on Sunday!

I’m done with the main figure…I’m doing the water contrails or whatever you wanna call them.

I’m in the second to last of them, around piece 820…so another 170 pieces to go.

I seriously considered doing those last night, but the clock (and my teacher brain) told me no. Fun stuff. So now you know what I’ll be doing tonight.

OK, this song was on what I was binge-watching yesterday…and I remembered how much I loved it when I was young…

So now you get to listen to it.

*This Mortal Coil, Song to the Siren

Three-Dog Late Afternoon

Weekends are for catching up on sleep. For catching up on errands, although I did a pretty good job of that on Thursday. For catching up on grades, unfortunately. And hopefully for a little free time and relaxation. I’m going to see the Visions exhibit this evening…looking forward to that.

But before that, I gotta wake up. Ugh. My head.

I walked the dogs again on Friday…by myself this time…

I took them over three miles, trying to tire them out. It worked. Tired me out too…but then I’d already had a long walking day at work. The kids played a rock cycle game and I always have a few who need me to walk them through it. It went well otherwise though. My legs were dead by the time I got to the dog-walking part of the day, but it was good for all of us.

After dinner, I eventually persuaded my legs to stand up again. I didn’t trace for long, because I didn’t realize how late it was…but I’m in the 300s now. I wanted to be much further along, as always. So tracing is on my list for today as well. A nice big fat chunk of it please.

I sat for a bit…Satchemo love…and Simba putting up with the cat.

Who knows whether he likes it. He always looks nervous. That cat has sharp pointy bits.

Anyway. Art tonight, by other people, hopefully making my own as well. Same for tomorrow. I’ll never get caught up with grading anyway.

Happy birthday to my dad, who is hopefully still in Spain (if he’s not, I don’t know where he is)…he’ll be home soon, and then his dog will be at HIS house, making all the caterwauling noises that she makes. Plus walking the dogs will be easier.