And You Got to Take a Little Dirt to Keep What You Love*

The morning starts with Apple disabling my ID. That’s always nice. Perhaps later you can crash my computer again and then maybe delete all the grades I input on Monday. I’m not out of the woods yet…it’s still verifying my existence. I could be no one all day.

That might be nice for a while.

I traced for a good solid chunk of time last night, but I wasn’t particularly fast about it. First I finished my book for book club tonight. I read it in 3 days flat. It wasn’t that good unfortunately. Calli wanted to play instead of watch me read.

Simba was perfectly happy to sit on me while I read.

Yes! An actual book from the library.

Then I did some red-orange blanket stitch around the eye on the right.

I also sewed the hippo down on that other piece, and then I decided I could trace while we watched another difficult movie, but I had to fold the drawing so it didn’t cover the couch, since someone was sitting on it.

Sometimes it’s hard to pay attention to something on TV and trace, but I really don’t like just watching TV and not doing anything else. It’s very hard for me to do that.

I think I’m in yard 6 or something. There’s a lot of big pieces on here, so they take up more space. I traced a baby and then most of her torso, except for the heart. I’m in the mid 300s…no wait…400s. I think. Must be for me to take 3 hours to do it.

You can see how I try to fit the smaller pieces in the spaces between the bigger ones. I don’t like to waste Wonder Under…

Well I’ve spent all this time trying to clear my Apple ID and it’s still disabled. So I guess I get to call those assholes later…you know, between school, my union meeting, and book club. Laughing hysterically. Ain’t got no time for that.

Speaking of time, gotta book outta here early. Tonight? If I have the energy to stand for another hour or so, I’ll be tracing.

*Tonic, If You Could Only See

Can’t You Hear You Talk Too Loud?*

Sometimes I wonder why I try to get enough sleep, go to bed earlier to prep myself for the week or for early meetings. Because then I’ll be working and I’ll totally lose track of the time (like you’re supposed to) and then it’s almost 1 AM and I still need to go to work the next day. Whoops. Oh yeah. Two jobs, sometimes three…sigh. I did about 2 1/2 hours of tracing Wonder Under last night. AND made dinner from scratch. AND finished grades. Plus I had to go buy more Wonder Under after school. I should have gone over the weekend…if I’d thought about it…because it would have been on sale. Oh well. Life goes on. And it’s getting dark so early. Ugh.

I did two nights’ worth on this first…on the left side, fly stitches in purple and lazy daisies in pink…

Then after dinner, I started tracing. I got all the way up the landscape on the other side, and then started tracing body parts…

In this photo, you can see the dog sprawled on the other couch…because the paper from this is covering the couch in front of the light table. I finished tracing both arms up to the shoulders, all the hands, and the torso below them…

I’m up to the high 200s in numbers, with about 3 1/2 hours in total. Usually it’s about an hour per 100 pieces, but the stuff down below was pretty complicated to trace. So I’m figuring about 16 hours total. So with Friday as a holiday, maybe I’ll be done then. We’ll see. That’s my goal. I really want to get all the ironing done the week of Thanksgiving. But in my head, I keep deleting next week (seems a relatively good attitude). I wanna go straight into a week off.

Not happening. I have to deal with school next week.

So I keep forgetting I actually have more time than I thought. Finish tracing this week, then cut it all out next week, ready to iron going into the holiday week. Sounds good. Plus the copyediting that’s coming in that week. Gotta balance it all.

These guys. Man, Kitten looks pissed. Look at that face. To her credit, Satchemo is kinda socially inept. Sigh. The two of them will hopefully get along at some point.

I was still tracing when that happened. I said I would just be half an hour…it was more like over an hour, because I got into it and forgot to look up at a clock. I’m on the third yard of Wonder Under…big pieces do that.

Should be tracing time tonight, but I will have been on my feet all day, nonstop walk and talk, so we’ll see what level of energy I have after that.

This guy…barkarama…

This was after I closed the windows and doors that gave him access to whatever part of the house had an animal outside it…or maybe it was the helicopter that was circling out there after midnight. Probably he was just looking for a lap on which to sleep. I don’t have those when I’m standing and tracing all night. Poor baby.

*Caesars, Jerk It Out

A Cat Would Be Nice

Well hello. I am still supremely sad about Midnight. I’m trying to do all the stuff I’m supposed to do, like grades and errands and finding obscure lightbulbs (don’t even ask), but it sucks sucks sucks. She hung out in my office all the time, and now she’s not here, so it’s hard to be in here…

Her fur is still on everything, because she laid on everything. She’ll be in every quilt from now until I die. And beyond probably. Aargh. Dammit world, why?

It’s hard to be out in the living room too, because she was out there too…

Thursday night before she got sick, monopolizing my sketchbook. She seemed fine then. So it’s gonna take me a while I guess. The hardest ones are when you get no warning. You spend months medicating a cat and taking it to the vet and giving it subcutaneous fluids and it’s almost a relief for everyone, including the cat, when it’s done. I’m sure that’s true for people as well. For 5 years, my grandma had 6 months to live. We were somewhat ready when it actually happened.

So I’ve been keeping busy, because there’s just too much shit to do to NOT be busy.

Friday night was gaming…I sewed these blocks together and then worked on the bottom left block. That guinea hen needs feet, but apparently I need to sew something to the bottom of it for that to happen. I need to finish the flowers on that block and then the monkey has a bunch of stitching, and then I can move onto the sheep.

I did two nights on this (actually I did three, but the second picture is crap). I’m mostly trying to fill in on the left side now.

Then I was trying to get the rest of the June block organized, since I’ll need it soon enough. I wanted to keep all the blocks separate, because it’s easier to embroider a single block than a conglomerate, but that doesn’t work with the road and overlapping shit, so I gave up and sewed all this together. June is the three blocks that still have pins in them. So I’m still sewing wool down for those. Obviously.

All that happened on Saturday afternoon, when I was done with grades (well, for the day) and I had run errands and I had very little brain power.

Then we went to an art opening in the roof area of a hotel in Little Italy…great views, shitty parking. But it was a good base for hanging out in the evening, and a friend of mine was in the show, so it was a good excuse for it.

I was lame and didn’t take any photos of my friend’s work, Kim Kane Niehans, but you can go look at her website and know that she does beautiful work.

So this show is associated with 1805 Gallery, which does artist residencies in this tiny studio, all glass, on the street level in Little Italy, here in San Diego. The goal is to interact with the community, so artists deal with that in different ways. I was not consistent about taking photos, but I liked this work by Chantal Wnuk…very expressive.

And these pieces by Lauren Siry, the organizer/gallery curator/owner.

A view of the entire space…very cool…5th floor on a gorgeous San Diego night.

Then dinner down the street at Queensland Public House…

And home for some episodes of Orville and drawing…I added Kitten into the quilt. She stars in lots of them.

Still trying to persuade her to come sit out with me in the living room. I know I complain about them sitting on the light table, but I like their presence…just not their effect on the drawing.

Then I started adding more hands…an apron…80 cents to a man’s dollar (still trying to figure out how to show that), a uterus…

On the other side, I went for birth control…because that’s gonna get more expensive, harder to get, which equals more babies that people can’t feed and maybe don’t even want. Sex is a biological urge, but women aren’t supposed to have it? Men can, and we’ll even fund the drugs for them to have it longer and harder than their bodies will allow, but women, we’re supposed to be prim and proper and fuck you, seriously?

I’m pretty irritated with politicians and white men and a huge swath of the voting public at the moment.

I’m just filling in spaces at the moment, trying to visualize what the final drawing will look like. I’m close, very close. I just need some time with my head and some tea and a cat would be nice. Sigh.

The Big Sad

I don’t have a lot of words in me this morning. This shit is never easy. I’ll just give you mostly pictures.

2006: Midnight with girlchild…

Midnight Thursday night…

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Ahhh. Poor kitty.

Walking is good.

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I stitched a little.

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I drew a little.

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And some more than a little.

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Women’s rights…

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Women’s issues…

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Midnight…

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She gets to be in this one. It’s hard to put a black cat in a quilt when you tend toward dark backgrounds.. But I’ll figure it out.

And the dumbasses who tried to follow me on Instagram. Fuck you assholes.

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Let’s hope today is a little easier. First time I’ve cried in front of students. Today might be the second time. Oh yeah, rejected from two art shows in one day. It’s OK. I wasn’t really paying attention to that.

We’re gonna really miss you, Midnight.

Not Lesser Than

Happy Candy Day to those who celebrate it. Being a teacher today is not always the easiest thing in the world. Actually, tomorrow is worse for candy and trash. Fridays for Halloween are always best. They have the whole weekend to eat all their candy and get tired of it before coming back to school.

That said, we get to dress up…not much this year, but a little. I had an idea but then lost my roll. Oh well. It’s also the last day of the month, which means it’s almost November…that’s crazy. October is usually one of the longest months of the year, but I feel like I took a breath and it’s gone. I guess the plus is that I have some vacation days coming up, so more artmaking! Yay. Looking forward to that.

So I graded last night…I’ve been super efficient lately, so that’s nice. It feels better than being really behind.

We have a sick kitty, so there was some time last night trying to assess what her issue is and how emergency-like it is. I’m still not sure. I know the vet closes early today, so I’ll have to go tomorrow. Sigh. She’s not a happy kitty, but I can’t really say what’s wrong. And they’ll ask about her eating and peeing, and this is the cat I never see eating or peeing. She’s very secretive. Strangely, I thought she was only 10 years old, but when I was checking my records, she’s actually 12…going on 13. Yikes. So I freaked out about that for a while, because I haven’t had a lot of cats live past 13. It’s like finding out your parents were 90 years old when you were sure they were only 60. Whoops. I’m a space cadet. Anyway, lots of pets for Midnight and hopefully we’ll figure out what’s bugging her and it will be simple…after $500 of blood tests, because you know that’s how it goes.

My ex exercised the puppy yesterday afternoon, so he was asleep on my shoulder while I was worrying some of that out last night.

I did some more on the left…fly stitches…

Trying to make a shape that can be enclosed in a crazy quilt in some way. Not sure how I’m going to do that. I don’t have to know until January 1.

When my brain eventually started to behave, I grabbed the enlargements I made after school. I did one set at 250% and then realized how big the main head would be and sized it down to 200%.

Then I cut and pasted them together…they actually fit pretty well for once. I’m not even sure why sometimes it’s better than others. It could literally just be the copier I picked…or it could be some other variable. But here’s 200%…

The group I’m making this for is called Things That Matter…and I’m focusing on women’s issues again for this one. It needs to be at least 60″ wide, so I added paper on all sides to make the head not quite in the center. There’s more below her than above her.

I knew I wanted a nursing baby, so I penciled that in. I don’t always draw directly with Sharpie. At this size, there’s a lot of pencil that happens.

Then I inked in some of the basic shapes.

I’m just getting started. That was about an hour last night of drawing. I’m still letting the sides and upper area (above the shoulders) percolate. There are a lot of things in my head. As always. I’m tired of all the attacks on women in the last years, especially this year. It’s exhausting. I even had a student tell me that men work harder than women. This is a kid who is majorly failing. A boy. He said women can’t be scientists because they don’t work hard enough. I love it when a 12-year-old is sexist like that. Then I had to explain sexism, because they thought I said sexy. Whoa. No 12-year-old is sexy…sorry. Not to adults. Unless there’s something wrong with them. So that was a fun moment.

Sometimes I wonder if I have any effect on some of those boys whose cultures tell them women are lesser than. LESSER THAN. Hmnnn. That’s a place to go for a title maybe. We’ll see. Meanwhile I continue to try to brainwash them while they’re young. Respect all people, male, female, or other. No judgement on what is better. There is no better or smarter. There are those who work hard and those who work average and those who don’t work hard and those who try but can’t work hard and those who don’t try, but even they often have so many things in their heads from home and family that they honestly can’t be engaged at school. But they all have potential. And a place in our world.

Not lesser than.

I Think There’s a Flaw in My Code*

So even though I am nowhere near done with grading, finishing the project I did over the weekend seems to have cleared a panic blockage. Of course, I may feel differently as the week goes on, but for the moment, I’m good. I still have to grade all week, but it’s not so bad-feeling as it was last week, I’ll even (hopefully) have some time in class this week to manage some of the grading. It’s good. I got this. Seriously.

You don’t wanna know how many hours I graded this weekend. BUT! I finally got a good start on the new drawing…I just needed some time and mental space to do it.

First of all, some more photos from Saturday’s museum run…here’s a Monet…which are always way better in person, just like most art. I don’t know how much longer these are at SDMA, but you should check them out.

Because that cliff is pretty amazing.

There was a section on Latin American art. But I didn’t take photos of the signs, so all I know is that this disturbing image was in there…

I feel bad that I can’t tell you who that is. Oh holy cow, I found it online: Alfredo Castañeda, Figure in a Landscape (Figura en el paisaje), 1980. I work for you people, seriously.

In other art news, Quilts=Art=Quilts opened this weekend in Auburn, New York, at the Schweinfurth Art Center, and my piece All Stacked Up in My Head is there on the right…

Then last night, we put on a movie…a kind of disturbing movie honestly, with lots of death and shooting and aargh (Lawless about the Bondurant brothers, moonshiners). But I did some stuff, filler bits, on the left side.

While the animals left me alone (mostly…they were walking on me at one point)…

And I pulled up the other multi-head drawing on my iPad, took the drawing from last Thursday night, and did this…

It’s nowhere near done, but it is ready to enlarge for the full-size drawing. And it spilled easily out, like it should. Sometimes it takes a few iterations for whatever it is to come out. So I’m going to enlarge it this afternoon, get it taped to some larger bits of paper, and hopefully work on the full-size drawing tonight. It feels good now. I’m ready. (Don’t look at the calendar and see how little time you have to work on this. DON’T.). It’s good. I’m good. I’ve got some holiday time coming up. If I can get her drawn and numbered this week, maybe start tracing Wonder Under? I want to be at the fabric-picking stage by Thanksgiving week…although I do have a copyediting job that week as well. No rest for the wicked! Or the driven. I’m probably more the latter.

You know what’s really hard today? Not that it’s Monday…but that I want to stay home and draw instead of dealing with school and all the fun stuff that goes along with it. Oh well…that’s the grownup part, right? I will always be envious of those of my friends who can work on art whenever they like…I remember the conversation I had with my ex about how I would be able to do that at some point…both exes actually. Whatever. I’m pretty proficient…it works however you make it work.

*Halsey, Gasoline

Everything Looks Perfect from Far Away*

So grades are due in about a week and a bit. Again. End of the trimester though, so higher stakes. This means I have been grading a lot of stuff. The best line from what I was grading this weekend so far: “Everybody liked him, girls were dying on him, but he did not like any of them. They were all ugly and they did not look cool.” In case you were wondering, he’s writing about his Element Superhero. I don’t remember what element it was, but this was what he cared about in the story he wrote.

I did spend time at the San Diego Museum of Art (the Monets are there!) and the Mingei Museum yesterday with my stitching friends. We attempt these outings occasionally to get together outside of our monthly stitching meetings…and it was good. I have way more pictures than this…I may post more later this week.

This was a montage of some of the really amazing kantha stitching at the Mingei right now. The woman on the left is giving birth…her waters are breaking. And that’s a tiger on the bottom right. Don’t question the spots. He’s a fucking tiger.

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This is a children’s exhibit of Frida Kahlo at SDMA…there was more, but I liked the monkey on the wall. down low where the 2-year-olds could see it.

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At the Mingei…my camel is obviously underdressed compared to this one.

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And Arline Fisch’s wire flowers hanging from the ceiling.

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Then I came home and graded for over 4 hours. Seriously. I did. The plus is I’m almost done grading that assignment from hell. It was great for the kids, great for a learning opportunity, but I basically had to memorize 55 elements and their physical and chemical properties to be able to grade it well. I know more now than I used to. That might be a good thing.

Then I headed out for my regular session of Draws-in-Bars, where I watch that band do their thing and try not to get annoyed by some of the other patrons. Which was harder last night, but eventually got better.

I did this one before dinner arrived…in the mood for Halloween? Might as well start with a skelly.

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And then this one. I really like her facial expression. Those are really hard. And another skelly.

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Anyway. Not a solution to the current drawing issue yet, but it was relaxing. And yes, eventually I put all that away and I danced to the music. Of course, I can’t breathe this morning…not sure if I’m STILL sick or if I’m getting sick again. I’m going for still being in recovery.

I came home and did two nights’ worth on the right…more filler in that cretan stitch.

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A little bit of relaxation, some fun, some educational stuff, some work, some dishwashing happened and a little tiny bit of laundry. Today will be more of the work stuff and less of the fun and relaxation, but that’s always what Sundays look like for teachers. You gotta catch up with everything someday. Well. That’s a joke. I never catch up.

*The Postal Service, Such Great Heights

Are There Novels by Her Bed*

Sometimes trying to get my head in the right place to draw is nearly impossible. It does not help to have this staring at me.

So I did some of this on the right side. I did come to the conclusion that this should be the center of a crazy quilt…so it doesn’t have to be a particular shape…I can piece around it. It’s been a while since I’ve done a crazy quilt. I do love the embroidery and the bits and pieces. It doesn’t have to be huge…I like wallhanging size. Because I have tons of free time for this, and everyone has a crazy quilt lying around with two eyeballs on it.

Don’t fuck with me. You know they do.

Eventually I tried to draw. I graded a lot before I drew. I only got this far.

This is essentially a blank canvas for me. Many of my drawings start with the eyes and then a nose and a mouth. So this is not a shocker. I stared at it for a long time but couldn’t find my art brain.

I didn’t write this until this afternoon because I was reading a college essay this morning and getting ready for a field trip. I have now survived both AND the Friday and I’ve got stuff to do, and if I’m lucky, I’ll have the energy to draw more sometime in the next 48 hours. And maybe art brain will join me.

Maybe.

*Natalie Merchant, Jealousy

Left You with Nothing but They Want Some More*

So let’s see if I can get my brain in gear today and actually publish the post once I write it. Certainly today should be shorter, fewer meetings (only slightly). It will also hopefully be cooler by 5 degrees, topping us out at 100 degrees instead of 105…in a fire alarm evacuation…apparently due to burnt popcorn. You’d think after so many years at that school it would have happened before? We used to have the fire alarm pull by the door and some jerky kid would pull it for fun. That was always a joy. I’m supposed to try to get my flu shot today, but with two parent meetings and duty before and after school, that might be tricky. We’ll see. I’m not sure I should get the shot when I’m still recovering from whatever the hell this virus is. Google says I’m fine as long as I’m not feverish, and I think I’m past that. I’m in the snotty nose rough throat phlegmy stage. Not quite well yet.

Hopefully soon.

After the school board meeting last night, where we voiced concerns that all the extra work we do is invisible–certainly it seems that way when we see what they offer us–I came home and emailed one of the board members who yelled out at us as we left that we should stay until the end so we could hear what he thought. Ten-hour day asshole. Seriously. I don’t know if emailing politicians helps, but I’ve been doing it for other stuff…now it’s spilling over. Maybe he’s forgotten that teachers vote.

I wanted to draw last night. First I did this…filling in on the right side. It’s so big now that I really should remember detail pictures all the time.

That’s kinda how I felt…Calli’s got it right.

But I eventually drew…without Calli’s help…

Honestly, I’m not sure this is the way it’s really gonna go. I have some other ideas…I want to work some of them out…but it’s a start.

I may combine a few starts or start again or I don’t even know. I just know I drew. And now I’m gonna cough up some phlegm and teach more science and go to two parent meetings and maybe get a flu shot if I can slot that into a day that’s already overflowing. Drawing on the couch tonight though. I can look forward to that. And continuing to get somewhere close to healthy.

*Feist, 1234

At Night the Crickets Creepy*

Well. After a 10-hour day at work (ugh), I realize that although I wrote this well before I left for school, I never hit the final publish button. I do that now. Tired. Yup. But still gonna aim to draw. Even badly. Bad drawing is better than no drawing.

I’m sitting here trying to get enough tea in me to be functional (let’s be real…semi-functional)…the cold/viral thing is starting to wane, although I mostly collapsed after work yesterday for about an hour. And I’m texting my kids back and forth until they start having a discussion of how to write about torture (ah college…the things you have to write about)…and then I’m really out, because I don’t know that I could ever be pro torture. And honestly I don’t know much about it. Sure, there’s torturing pedophiles and crazy dictators and maybe even the current president (although you know he wouldn’t last long, the big baby)…and since the kids are obviously having this discussion because someone has an assignment due, I’m OK just watching them converse 3000 miles away. I miss them. Lots sometimes. Although I have nothing to add to this discussion but that torture is mean and we shouldn’t do it.

So where am I today? I finished ironing all the fabrics down for the little quilt last night. It’s really not THAT little, but compared to the last one…it’s small. I’m not going to keep going on it right now. I really really really need to start drawing the next one tonight. Somewhere I need to find the brain power for it. So expect a lot of bad starts and flailings on paper with Sharpie tonight. Woo! It’ll be great. Seriously. Maybe it will just spill out of me. Sometimes it does.

More stuff on the right, filling in spaces…

The parental dog is nervous about the new cat…

Satchemo is not scared of Katie.

I started ironing late…had paperwork, school stuff, other crap to deal with…but I didn’t have much left to iron, so I was pretty sure I could finish.

Here’s all the fabrics I used. I really did think it was gonna all be bright colors. It’s hard to know what it will actually look like from this though, because it doesn’t show the mix…there’s a lot of blue in this. The purples take up a lot of space. The browns are all in one section. Same with the yellows really.

There’s the pile…let’s see how long before I actually cut them out.

I did pick up my most recent quilt from the photographer…first one ever with a gun in it? I think? First one on a beige background, that’s for sure. If that’s important…

I’m glad she’s done.

It was difficult to draw it, to make it, to quilt it. Sigh.

Probably not picking this one for my profile picture any time soon.

Although those are my kids, my students. Even the annoying ones. We’d protect all of them.

Still gotta write a coherent statement on that one. Tonight. I’ll do that tonight. After teaching all day, meeting with admin, duty before and after school in 103-degree temperatures, tutorial, and protesting at a school board meeting. Yeah. It’ll be fine. Really. It will.

I guess it’s good I had another project that was at a good place for occupying my brain for a week or so. It didn’t seem ready to move on right away.

So this was my crew last night.

I told them it was bedtime. Some were more ready for it than others. I get it. I was ready. I’m ready again right now, but it’s morning again, so I can’t really go back to bed. Yet. (growth mindset…that’s a teacher joke.)

Art. Tonight we draw. We draw even if we don’t feel like it. We draw to get to the drawing we need to draw.

*Squeeze, Pulling Mussels from the Shell