Not Lesser Than

Happy Candy Day to those who celebrate it. Being a teacher today is not always the easiest thing in the world. Actually, tomorrow is worse for candy and trash. Fridays for Halloween are always best. They have the whole weekend to eat all their candy and get tired of it before coming back to school.

That said, we get to dress up…not much this year, but a little. I had an idea but then lost my roll. Oh well. It’s also the last day of the month, which means it’s almost November…that’s crazy. October is usually one of the longest months of the year, but I feel like I took a breath and it’s gone. I guess the plus is that I have some vacation days coming up, so more artmaking! Yay. Looking forward to that.

So I graded last night…I’ve been super efficient lately, so that’s nice. It feels better than being really behind.

We have a sick kitty, so there was some time last night trying to assess what her issue is and how emergency-like it is. I’m still not sure. I know the vet closes early today, so I’ll have to go tomorrow. Sigh. She’s not a happy kitty, but I can’t really say what’s wrong. And they’ll ask about her eating and peeing, and this is the cat I never see eating or peeing. She’s very secretive. Strangely, I thought she was only 10 years old, but when I was checking my records, she’s actually 12…going on 13. Yikes. So I freaked out about that for a while, because I haven’t had a lot of cats live past 13. It’s like finding out your parents were 90 years old when you were sure they were only 60. Whoops. I’m a space cadet. Anyway, lots of pets for Midnight and hopefully we’ll figure out what’s bugging her and it will be simple…after $500 of blood tests, because you know that’s how it goes.

My ex exercised the puppy yesterday afternoon, so he was asleep on my shoulder while I was worrying some of that out last night.

I did some more on the left…fly stitches…

Trying to make a shape that can be enclosed in a crazy quilt in some way. Not sure how I’m going to do that. I don’t have to know until January 1.

When my brain eventually started to behave, I grabbed the enlargements I made after school. I did one set at 250% and then realized how big the main head would be and sized it down to 200%.

Then I cut and pasted them together…they actually fit pretty well for once. I’m not even sure why sometimes it’s better than others. It could literally just be the copier I picked…or it could be some other variable. But here’s 200%…

The group I’m making this for is called Things That Matter…and I’m focusing on women’s issues again for this one. It needs to be at least 60″ wide, so I added paper on all sides to make the head not quite in the center. There’s more below her than above her.

I knew I wanted a nursing baby, so I penciled that in. I don’t always draw directly with Sharpie. At this size, there’s a lot of pencil that happens.

Then I inked in some of the basic shapes.

I’m just getting started. That was about an hour last night of drawing. I’m still letting the sides and upper area (above the shoulders) percolate. There are a lot of things in my head. As always. I’m tired of all the attacks on women in the last years, especially this year. It’s exhausting. I even had a student tell me that men work harder than women. This is a kid who is majorly failing. A boy. He said women can’t be scientists because they don’t work hard enough. I love it when a 12-year-old is sexist like that. Then I had to explain sexism, because they thought I said sexy. Whoa. No 12-year-old is sexy…sorry. Not to adults. Unless there’s something wrong with them. So that was a fun moment.

Sometimes I wonder if I have any effect on some of those boys whose cultures tell them women are lesser than. LESSER THAN. Hmnnn. That’s a place to go for a title maybe. We’ll see. Meanwhile I continue to try to brainwash them while they’re young. Respect all people, male, female, or other. No judgement on what is better. There is no better or smarter. There are those who work hard and those who work average and those who don’t work hard and those who try but can’t work hard and those who don’t try, but even they often have so many things in their heads from home and family that they honestly can’t be engaged at school. But they all have potential. And a place in our world.

Not lesser than.

I Think There’s a Flaw in My Code*

So even though I am nowhere near done with grading, finishing the project I did over the weekend seems to have cleared a panic blockage. Of course, I may feel differently as the week goes on, but for the moment, I’m good. I still have to grade all week, but it’s not so bad-feeling as it was last week, I’ll even (hopefully) have some time in class this week to manage some of the grading. It’s good. I got this. Seriously.

You don’t wanna know how many hours I graded this weekend. BUT! I finally got a good start on the new drawing…I just needed some time and mental space to do it.

First of all, some more photos from Saturday’s museum run…here’s a Monet…which are always way better in person, just like most art. I don’t know how much longer these are at SDMA, but you should check them out.

Because that cliff is pretty amazing.

There was a section on Latin American art. But I didn’t take photos of the signs, so all I know is that this disturbing image was in there…

I feel bad that I can’t tell you who that is. Oh holy cow, I found it online: Alfredo Castañeda, Figure in a Landscape (Figura en el paisaje), 1980. I work for you people, seriously.

In other art news, Quilts=Art=Quilts opened this weekend in Auburn, New York, at the Schweinfurth Art Center, and my piece All Stacked Up in My Head is there on the right…

Then last night, we put on a movie…a kind of disturbing movie honestly, with lots of death and shooting and aargh (Lawless about the Bondurant brothers, moonshiners). But I did some stuff, filler bits, on the left side.

While the animals left me alone (mostly…they were walking on me at one point)…

And I pulled up the other multi-head drawing on my iPad, took the drawing from last Thursday night, and did this…

It’s nowhere near done, but it is ready to enlarge for the full-size drawing. And it spilled easily out, like it should. Sometimes it takes a few iterations for whatever it is to come out. So I’m going to enlarge it this afternoon, get it taped to some larger bits of paper, and hopefully work on the full-size drawing tonight. It feels good now. I’m ready. (Don’t look at the calendar and see how little time you have to work on this. DON’T.). It’s good. I’m good. I’ve got some holiday time coming up. If I can get her drawn and numbered this week, maybe start tracing Wonder Under? I want to be at the fabric-picking stage by Thanksgiving week…although I do have a copyediting job that week as well. No rest for the wicked! Or the driven. I’m probably more the latter.

You know what’s really hard today? Not that it’s Monday…but that I want to stay home and draw instead of dealing with school and all the fun stuff that goes along with it. Oh well…that’s the grownup part, right? I will always be envious of those of my friends who can work on art whenever they like…I remember the conversation I had with my ex about how I would be able to do that at some point…both exes actually. Whatever. I’m pretty proficient…it works however you make it work.

*Halsey, Gasoline

Everything Looks Perfect from Far Away*

So grades are due in about a week and a bit. Again. End of the trimester though, so higher stakes. This means I have been grading a lot of stuff. The best line from what I was grading this weekend so far: “Everybody liked him, girls were dying on him, but he did not like any of them. They were all ugly and they did not look cool.” In case you were wondering, he’s writing about his Element Superhero. I don’t remember what element it was, but this was what he cared about in the story he wrote.

I did spend time at the San Diego Museum of Art (the Monets are there!) and the Mingei Museum yesterday with my stitching friends. We attempt these outings occasionally to get together outside of our monthly stitching meetings…and it was good. I have way more pictures than this…I may post more later this week.

This was a montage of some of the really amazing kantha stitching at the Mingei right now. The woman on the left is giving birth…her waters are breaking. And that’s a tiger on the bottom right. Don’t question the spots. He’s a fucking tiger.

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This is a children’s exhibit of Frida Kahlo at SDMA…there was more, but I liked the monkey on the wall. down low where the 2-year-olds could see it.

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At the Mingei…my camel is obviously underdressed compared to this one.

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And Arline Fisch’s wire flowers hanging from the ceiling.

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Then I came home and graded for over 4 hours. Seriously. I did. The plus is I’m almost done grading that assignment from hell. It was great for the kids, great for a learning opportunity, but I basically had to memorize 55 elements and their physical and chemical properties to be able to grade it well. I know more now than I used to. That might be a good thing.

Then I headed out for my regular session of Draws-in-Bars, where I watch that band do their thing and try not to get annoyed by some of the other patrons. Which was harder last night, but eventually got better.

I did this one before dinner arrived…in the mood for Halloween? Might as well start with a skelly.

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And then this one. I really like her facial expression. Those are really hard. And another skelly.

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Anyway. Not a solution to the current drawing issue yet, but it was relaxing. And yes, eventually I put all that away and I danced to the music. Of course, I can’t breathe this morning…not sure if I’m STILL sick or if I’m getting sick again. I’m going for still being in recovery.

I came home and did two nights’ worth on the right…more filler in that cretan stitch.

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A little bit of relaxation, some fun, some educational stuff, some work, some dishwashing happened and a little tiny bit of laundry. Today will be more of the work stuff and less of the fun and relaxation, but that’s always what Sundays look like for teachers. You gotta catch up with everything someday. Well. That’s a joke. I never catch up.

*The Postal Service, Such Great Heights

Are There Novels by Her Bed*

Sometimes trying to get my head in the right place to draw is nearly impossible. It does not help to have this staring at me.

So I did some of this on the right side. I did come to the conclusion that this should be the center of a crazy quilt…so it doesn’t have to be a particular shape…I can piece around it. It’s been a while since I’ve done a crazy quilt. I do love the embroidery and the bits and pieces. It doesn’t have to be huge…I like wallhanging size. Because I have tons of free time for this, and everyone has a crazy quilt lying around with two eyeballs on it.

Don’t fuck with me. You know they do.

Eventually I tried to draw. I graded a lot before I drew. I only got this far.

This is essentially a blank canvas for me. Many of my drawings start with the eyes and then a nose and a mouth. So this is not a shocker. I stared at it for a long time but couldn’t find my art brain.

I didn’t write this until this afternoon because I was reading a college essay this morning and getting ready for a field trip. I have now survived both AND the Friday and I’ve got stuff to do, and if I’m lucky, I’ll have the energy to draw more sometime in the next 48 hours. And maybe art brain will join me.

Maybe.

*Natalie Merchant, Jealousy

Sometimes I Get a Good Feeling*

Today is finally supposed to be under 100 degrees. Hallelujah. The heat sucks energy out of me. I’m hoping to find enough of it to get me to the gym tonight, even with the remnants of this wacky virus. We’ll see. It’s been rough this week. I did pick up a copyediting job for Thanksgiving week…and maybe another one for after that. I still have to find the money to pay for college on a regular basis, so job number 3 pops up every once in a while.

I have a quilt in Quilts=Art=Quilts, which is opening this weekend at the Schweinfurth Art Center in Auburn, New York. It will be there through January 7. This one was made for a show that it didn’t get into…and it seems to be doing fine with that rejection. This is All Stacked Up in My Head.

It’s actually a similar idea to what I’m sloshing around in my brain right now…a protective goddess trying to make sure we get what we need and want. But a different image of course. Anyway. I fell asleep on the couch again last night…this cold is kicking my butt. Or it’s because of the 17 thousand things I’m trying to do during the day. Or all of the above. I know I need to get out of here early this morning for a parent meeting and duty and tracking down the principal for a question that he probably could have answered by email. Sigh.

I finally got my act together (seriously, I was grading stuff that’s killing me because I have to look up all the chemical and physical properties of most of the elements just to make sure the kids followed instructions, and then I was trying to write a study guide and found a different version of the quiz from last year and I don’t even know why, so my brain exploded for a while. NO. Teachers NEVER STOP WORKING. Sigh. Double sigh.).

So I wasn’t going to draw, but then my stubborn-ass art brain made me. I had another idea for the quilt, so I started with that…the bubble and the hands…and apparently the cat next to me.

Because when it’s hot, I want a furry beast right next to me. NO! I want it ON me. That’s the puppy earlier.

This is where I got. And it’s not going to work.

I mean, maybe it’ll work for something else. But not this. It’s OK. This is a process. Not every drawing for a quilt spills out of me in one go. I’m enjoying just drawing a little bit anyway. Tonight we try again! Really. We do. After grading. And maybe another nap. No! I’m going to the gym, remember?

*Pretty Lights, Finally Moving

Left You with Nothing but They Want Some More*

So let’s see if I can get my brain in gear today and actually publish the post once I write it. Certainly today should be shorter, fewer meetings (only slightly). It will also hopefully be cooler by 5 degrees, topping us out at 100 degrees instead of 105…in a fire alarm evacuation…apparently due to burnt popcorn. You’d think after so many years at that school it would have happened before? We used to have the fire alarm pull by the door and some jerky kid would pull it for fun. That was always a joy. I’m supposed to try to get my flu shot today, but with two parent meetings and duty before and after school, that might be tricky. We’ll see. I’m not sure I should get the shot when I’m still recovering from whatever the hell this virus is. Google says I’m fine as long as I’m not feverish, and I think I’m past that. I’m in the snotty nose rough throat phlegmy stage. Not quite well yet.

Hopefully soon.

After the school board meeting last night, where we voiced concerns that all the extra work we do is invisible–certainly it seems that way when we see what they offer us–I came home and emailed one of the board members who yelled out at us as we left that we should stay until the end so we could hear what he thought. Ten-hour day asshole. Seriously. I don’t know if emailing politicians helps, but I’ve been doing it for other stuff…now it’s spilling over. Maybe he’s forgotten that teachers vote.

I wanted to draw last night. First I did this…filling in on the right side. It’s so big now that I really should remember detail pictures all the time.

That’s kinda how I felt…Calli’s got it right.

But I eventually drew…without Calli’s help…

Honestly, I’m not sure this is the way it’s really gonna go. I have some other ideas…I want to work some of them out…but it’s a start.

I may combine a few starts or start again or I don’t even know. I just know I drew. And now I’m gonna cough up some phlegm and teach more science and go to two parent meetings and maybe get a flu shot if I can slot that into a day that’s already overflowing. Drawing on the couch tonight though. I can look forward to that. And continuing to get somewhere close to healthy.

*Feist, 1234

At Night the Crickets Creepy*

Well. After a 10-hour day at work (ugh), I realize that although I wrote this well before I left for school, I never hit the final publish button. I do that now. Tired. Yup. But still gonna aim to draw. Even badly. Bad drawing is better than no drawing.

I’m sitting here trying to get enough tea in me to be functional (let’s be real…semi-functional)…the cold/viral thing is starting to wane, although I mostly collapsed after work yesterday for about an hour. And I’m texting my kids back and forth until they start having a discussion of how to write about torture (ah college…the things you have to write about)…and then I’m really out, because I don’t know that I could ever be pro torture. And honestly I don’t know much about it. Sure, there’s torturing pedophiles and crazy dictators and maybe even the current president (although you know he wouldn’t last long, the big baby)…and since the kids are obviously having this discussion because someone has an assignment due, I’m OK just watching them converse 3000 miles away. I miss them. Lots sometimes. Although I have nothing to add to this discussion but that torture is mean and we shouldn’t do it.

So where am I today? I finished ironing all the fabrics down for the little quilt last night. It’s really not THAT little, but compared to the last one…it’s small. I’m not going to keep going on it right now. I really really really need to start drawing the next one tonight. Somewhere I need to find the brain power for it. So expect a lot of bad starts and flailings on paper with Sharpie tonight. Woo! It’ll be great. Seriously. Maybe it will just spill out of me. Sometimes it does.

More stuff on the right, filling in spaces…

The parental dog is nervous about the new cat…

Satchemo is not scared of Katie.

I started ironing late…had paperwork, school stuff, other crap to deal with…but I didn’t have much left to iron, so I was pretty sure I could finish.

Here’s all the fabrics I used. I really did think it was gonna all be bright colors. It’s hard to know what it will actually look like from this though, because it doesn’t show the mix…there’s a lot of blue in this. The purples take up a lot of space. The browns are all in one section. Same with the yellows really.

There’s the pile…let’s see how long before I actually cut them out.

I did pick up my most recent quilt from the photographer…first one ever with a gun in it? I think? First one on a beige background, that’s for sure. If that’s important…

I’m glad she’s done.

It was difficult to draw it, to make it, to quilt it. Sigh.

Probably not picking this one for my profile picture any time soon.

Although those are my kids, my students. Even the annoying ones. We’d protect all of them.

Still gotta write a coherent statement on that one. Tonight. I’ll do that tonight. After teaching all day, meeting with admin, duty before and after school in 103-degree temperatures, tutorial, and protesting at a school board meeting. Yeah. It’ll be fine. Really. It will.

I guess it’s good I had another project that was at a good place for occupying my brain for a week or so. It didn’t seem ready to move on right away.

So this was my crew last night.

I told them it was bedtime. Some were more ready for it than others. I get it. I was ready. I’m ready again right now, but it’s morning again, so I can’t really go back to bed. Yet. (growth mindset…that’s a teacher joke.)

Art. Tonight we draw. We draw even if we don’t feel like it. We draw to get to the drawing we need to draw.

*Squeeze, Pulling Mussels from the Shell

I Recognize the Walls Inside*

Still sick…although functional. We’ll see how functional after I have to talk all day, right? And stand up for hours. Sick days are a joke. We had 3 teachers out on Friday and only one sub showed up. That’s our reality…and teaching science means even less of a chance they’ll show. I can let it be chaos in the classroom and have the kids get nothing done, or I can push on through. I think I’m better anyway…not well, just better. That’s a plus.

More stitching on the right side…realizing in two months, it will be done, so what shape do I want? I don’t think it will be square, filling the whole thing. That’s a consideration.

Sleepy tired puppy.

I made it into the studio for a little while yesterday, just over an hour. My parents’ dog Katie was in there too. Or is it Katey? I’m never sure. With dog names, you can never tell…my daughter’s dog is Calli, not Cali, because it’s short for Calliope, not California.

Too much information. Here’s the fabrics I’ve used so far…

Not as colorful as I originally planned…it will be lots of blue in the end. Blue on blue with a hint of blue.

Here’s the pile so far.

I’m actually almost done…could easily finish tonight…so I probably will, depending on how I feel. I did get the OK to change my focus for the next quilt, so drawing that is on my list for the week…gotta get going on that one. I have a fairly free week coming up, although grading is a priority. I did a lot of that over the weekend too, although never enough. Gotta get my focus on. It helps to be well, doesn’t it? I think it might. I think I’ll try that later this week…

*Natalie Merchant, I May Know the Word

It’s Too Late to Say You’re Sorry*

Ugh. Well I’m sick again. This school year is kicking my butt. Too much work, can’t stay well…I usually get sick like once a year. It’s only October and it’s my second viral incursion. Damn immune system needs to get in gear. Makes it hard to stay caught up. Or whatever that means.

The gun quilt is at the photographer’s…will be picked up later this week. I was trying to get fabrics ironed for a small climate change quilt I started in June, just for fun…

I’m not done. I did a little bit yesterday afternoon after grading shit, running errands, and trying to get other stuff done.

Friday night at gaming, I finished Block 15 (bottom right) on Folk Tales (I always call it Folk Tails because of all the animals).

Block 15 is part of May, but I haven’t done April yet…so I started on that.

There are three blocks for April, and I have a lot of embroidery to do on them. Expect to see them rolling around for a while.

Then I realized I hadn’t touched this in days. I did 4 day’s worth around the eyeball…a bunch of filler stitches.

However interesting and challenging it’s been to work on this, and whatever bullheadedness it takes to keep working on it every day for a year, I probably won’t sustain it beyond December 31. It was an interesting experiment. No idea what I’ll do with it…maybe make it the center of a small crazy quilt in all black backgrounds. Who knows? Because I need more projects.

I emailed the woman in charge of the project I’m supposed to be working on next to see if I could change my focus. Much as climate change worries me and however many ideas about it are clamoring for my artistic attention, women’s rights are weighing much more heavily on me right now…and a new drawing for this project popped into my head last night on the way back from the Visions Art Museum opening for Interpretations. It had absolutely nothing to do with the art I saw there…but it’s in my head now. I wanted to start drawing last night, but after about 9:30, I felt like absolute crap and was in bed before 10:30. See, that’s how you know I’m sick. I can’t do anything.

Today is a fiber-related meeting…long drive and interactions with humans. I’m not always up for that. Right now I’m tired and not feeling at my best, stressed about the grading that needs to get done, worried about getting this quilt started so I can get going on it. Probably need to go take more meds. Drink more tea. Maybe nap. Who knows. No time for napping. Shit needs to get done.

*Malcolm McLaren, About Her

It’s Not a Miracle We Needed*

Better. A little more focus. I appreciate that. My brain allowing some space for artmaking, even if it isn’t the most challenging part of the process.

First I made time to hang out with friends…I took this to keep sewing down wool for the next month…

My parents’ dog is visiting, so when I got home, I hadn’t seen one of the cats for a while. They don’t like the dog, because she’s a little too interested in them. I finally found her in a cubbyhole in my office…

I didn’t get far on the wool piece…but the hyena(?) just needs eyeballs. I think I might need to sew something together to do the sun…

It’s not a priority at the moment.

The next part of the quilt I was ironing down, after some fish and stuff, was the tree that makes up the majority of her lower torso. It’s intertwining roots, and it was fun to draw, but not as fun to trace, and pretty mind-boggling to pick fabrics for…

But I did it. That puts me at about piece 175. Super slow on this…but just trying to give myself the space to draw sometime soon. I will finish picking fabrics…but I could draw at the same time. If I had the mental space. It really is too much school stress weighing on me.

I’ll get there. Here’s everything ironed so far…lots of tree parts…

Funny, I really think of this quilt as bright, but brown is never really bright.

Anyway. It’s progress. It’s something.

*Phoenix, 1901