Medium-Sized Clusterfuck

It feels giant. Like a huge fuck up. But it’s really not. It feels that way because I’m overwhelmed…and overwhelmed is a place I don’t like to be. My counselor says I must like it, because I spend a lot of time there, but I haven’t been able to figure out how NOT to be there. She doesn’t have a map to get out of it.

So it wasn’t a small clusterfuck. I pinbasted 9 quilts and then finally got into my studio last night to do the last one and hopefully start quilting. I even sat down at the machine, all set up for quilting, and then put the owl quiltlet under the machine, and stopped. Fuck. Seriously? Where the hell is my brain? I don’t even know. I have to say that I always have some issues this time of year because it’s the anniversary of my marriage falling apart…after 13 years, I still can’t erase that date from my mind. Which is one of the things about my brain that I don’t appreciate. Can’t remember what I did last week, but 13 years ago is fresh, like it just happened. I could do without that. My anniversaries are all nasty ones.

Anyway, so I hadn’t stitched any of the pieces down. I iron, then I stitch down, then I pinbaste. Somehow my brain decided that completely skipping that middle step would be OK. And yes, I briefly considered a variety of options, including going to bed, having another glass of wine, sewing them down while sandwiched, or quilting without sewing them down. I also went through the pros and cons of each option, and then unpinned the owl. I stitched him down, ironed him again, and repinned him.

There. Done. So was that so hard? Nope. I can handle that. I’m more pissed at myself for spacing out. The fix isn’t bad, not too time-consuming. It was only another 5 minutes. Not the end of the world, right? But frustrating at 10 PM. Frustrated with my own brain.

Then again, I had a weird day. I didn’t teach yesterday. A local youth services group came in to talk about suicide and depression to my kids, so I sat off to the side and graded papers and tried to keep track of the kids who needed reminders of good behavior. And by the end of the day, I was reacting to all the talk and videos and listening to the kids. I could tell. I actually don’t remember this day from last year at all. It’s a total blank. This is like the second trigger event for me this year at school. I guess it makes me relate to my students. One of my weird ones was having an issue with the video. I could see her curling up into herself so I made a face at her. She giggled. Then the instructor (who was getting tired, I could tell…even teachers get crankier as the day goes on) got all snarly about her giggling and lectured us on feeling uncomfortable and not laughing (for whatever reason, because if you’re uncomfortable enough to laugh, that lecture just made you more so), so I gave her the giant scared eyeballs and she started to giggle again (I am evil), but muffled her mouth under her hand. I got that kid. She’s working for me now. Not a lot, but a little. Better than the I-Don’t-Care attitude I got for the first month.

I know I appreciate all the people who checked in with me repeatedly, sometimes annoyingly so, while I was going through my depression. Because it was bad. And it’s still there, the remnants of it. It never really goes away. It makes me question everything I think or do some days. Some of the mood this week is trying to visualize a future, a place where I have everything in balance, semi-under control (because I don’t think my life will ever be beautifully under control). I know some of the things I want, but getting there seems pretty impossible most days. I know I’m working my butt off at the moment, and I need that to loosen up a bit. So fucking up the quilting process, something I’ve done for years, doesn’t help me feel like I have a handle on things. I mean, I know everyone’s needs are mostly being met, but I need to get my head up and over this pile of crap, both the work stuff and the mood stuff.

Anyway, because I like to make it hard on myself, today I’m giving my students a hard, really hard assignment…for like the next three or four days. So that should be fun. For none of us. You will hear my frustration probably starting tomorrow. But whatever. Sometimes things are hard, and you do your best, and if you happen to succeed at the hard stuff, the reward will feel that much better. Maybe I should start with that today. For them and for me…

Hearts in Hands…

Saturday came to me early and I told it to fuck off. I reminded it of all the Saturdays I’d been up early for soccer games, up before dawn, getting cranky-ass kids out of bed and finding their uniforms. Getting up early because kids were up. There was no such thing as sleeping in. Saturday reminded me that Kitten was hungry. I rolled over and told Kitten to fuck off, that there was dry food in there and she obviously could gnaw on my arm if that ran out.

It’s such a rare occurrence that my street is quiet and there are no other interruptions in the morning that I can actually sleep. So I did. Because obviously I needed to. Although I have a headache…but I think that is attributable to my need to go to the chiropractor (appointment Monday with a new one, because my old one retired) and possibly the weather. Or a lack of caffeine. Can’t fix the weather.

I graded papers last night. I know you’re shocked. I didn’t grade all of them. I left some for today or tomorrow or for every fucking day between now and the end of the school year. And then it starts again next August. Teacher hell. If you don’t grade it, they won’t do it. Sigh. So I’m buried. Underwater. In a metal tomb that says “She didn’t finish her grading before report cards” inscribed on it.

But then I got up off the couch…and I should admit that I took the dog on a glorious 3-mile walk before I graded papers, so getting up off the couch was a challenge…and came in here. I didn’t get all of them done, like I wanted, because now I’m ironing the more complicated ones, so they take longer. Well, one of them did. The other was pretty quick. I’m hoping to do some more today, but I’m running out of time. Always.

Earlier this year, I participated in a fundraiser for cancer research, and I made a small heart in hands for my donation. It was too complicated for the amount paid, though, so I tried to redraw it simpler…I think I succeeded with this one, but we’ll have to see what the final minute count is…

This was actually the second one I drew…

Because first I drew this one, which is twice as complicated…twice as many pieces and many of them tiny little fingers with tiny little wrinkles in them. So not a success in simplification. That said, I still like it…

And hopefully someone else will too…

So those two are obviously not cats. There’s two cats left…numbers 3 and 6 (the one I called 3 yesterday is actually 2…I think. Sigh.). And then the owl. So I’ll get one or two or maybe even three of those done today. After I eat and shower and consume more caffeine and I really should grade more papers. Stupid job. And I have another story I really need to write ASAP.

But after hiking last night, I had to just sit and space out for a bit. I read some stuff on Feedly. And then I went to ultra-space-out mode and tried to clean up my photo files. I moved all of July’s files into their appropriate homes, which took about an hour or so. And as I was going through those, I realized I really really wanted to make another big quilt…because there were all these photos of the drawing process and ironing of Beyond the Concrete. I really enjoy the time it takes to make a large quilt…the depth of the process, how it consumes you for weeks. These small ones are like potato chips. You get one done and you’re like, oh, that was it? Must have another. A big quilt is like a good piece of cheesecake…it will last for ages. The feeling of fulfillment will last a really long time. You’ll be immersed in it, enjoying it, dreaming about it, thinking about it while you drive. It consumes me. I like that feeling.

I guess that’s a good thing, because I have two larger ones coming up that I want to do. I just need to make a decision about the drawings I’ll use. With the second one, I think I will draw something new. Maybe. I do have this incredible urge to draw as well. I wish schoolwork would mellow out enough that I felt like I could spend a few evenings drawing. I am so buried.

Anyway. Large quilt on the horizon. As soon as I get these tiny beasts done. End of October. My Halloween gift to myself…a new big project.

Hope to see you at the Interpretations opening tonight. Now I have to worry about what to wear…

Time Keeps on Slipping…

Getting there. I am getting there. Despite a long day at work (union meeting went on forever. The only plus was all the grading I got done while I listened to the crazy), I managed to come home and get some stuff done. Not everything I wanted. Never everything I wanted. But sometimes it’s OK to just get a little of what you wanted done. No walking the dog…the meeting went way too late. I did a little grading…figured I did a lot at the meeting. Some days I feel like all I do is grade papers.

And then I got the last of the small quilts cut out…

It’s actually got like 112 pieces, so it’s not particularly simple. But I like it.

Then after coming in the studio and working on computer stuff for a bit, I started ironing…this is Cat 5…

She’s darker in real life…don’t take photos at night!

But she was quick enough to do. Probably took me longer to pick the background than anything else. Oh yeah, and I lost her back foot somewhere. Don’t know what happened with that, but I had to cut a new one. So that was extra time.

I price these little quilts based on how long it takes me to make them, so I’ve been keeping track of the time. I think I’ll have to make an Excel spreadsheet for the data. Last time, I had a hand-drawn table on a piece of paper (so old school). It’s nice to compare them…pretty much it works out that the more pieces it has, the longer it takes, but I had one bird last year that was just a pain in the butt to put together for some reason, so it took more time.

I have another meeting tonight, so who knows when I will start again with the ironing. I’m tired, and that always makes it harder. It’s funny, because at midnight, I’m rarely tired. I get a second wind that actually makes it hard for me to sleep. I’m sure some doctor would suggest I go to sleep when I feel tired, but then I’d be in bed at 5 PM and wide awake at 2 AM. Maybe that’s how my body should work. It’s so foreign to consider living that way though. I have friends who get up super early in the morning, some at work at 7 AM or earlier, and I know I can DO that, I have had to do it for previous jobs, but ugh. It meant I came home and was still braindead until around 6 PM, and then I had to go to bed earlier because I had to get up so early. For someone like me, it was not conducive to an art existence.

I got photos yesterday from two shows where my pieces have landed, part of traveling shows. One was the St. George Museum in Utah, where Celebrating Silver is for the next few months. No photo of my piece. Nice. I’m paranoid because once my piece wasn’t hung due to nudity, and no one told me, until one of the participants went and noticed the two nude pieces weren’t there. The group in charge never told me. So if I don’t see it in pictures, I’m not sure they even hung it. If you go there, tell me you saw my piece. Please.

The other exhibit is in New York, at the Regina A. Quick Center for the Arts in St. Bonaventure. This is People and Portraits. The space looks nice and open, and I can see one of my pieces…

It’s on the far right (Fully Medicated). It’s way more nude than the other one, so I assume they’re both hanging.

This weekend is the Visions: Interpretations opening, and I will be able to take photos there, so you’ll see those here eventually. And hopefully someone will go to the San Jose Museum opening of Earth Stories and send me photos. I’m not going to Houston this year, because nothing is traveling there. Oh well.

So hopefully tonight I’ll iron more cats or hearts or whatever. Honestly it doesn’t matter what…as long as I’m doing something. And sometime soon I need to sit down and make some decisions about the next two deadlines and what I’m going to do for them. Time keeps on slipping…

That’s All I Can Do…

Woke up to a giant headache, massive, bigger than the space in my head. I’ve backed it off slightly with Motrin, adding caffeine to the mix. The dog was convinced at 3 AM that she wanted to swim. I ignored her. And when I heard the vomiting at 4:30 AM, I put my pillow over my head. Seriously. I’m not dealing with that until I’ve had a shower. Good thing I waited. It’s gone now. Dogs are disgusting but useful.

So I’m not at my best right now. I even went to bed early. Hopefully food and caffeine will help, although there’s some chance this is chiropractic and/or weather-related, both things I can’t do anything about. My chiropractor retired and I had to schedule with a new one and couldn’t get in until next week. Sigh. Damn, I feel it too. The neck and shoulders are a mess. I’m sure it helps to sleep with a pillow over my head to drown out sounds of vomit.

I finally finished grading the first unit for my students, and it was a classified natural disaster in one period…natural only in that if you don’t do any classwork, it will be natural that you might fail. I’m handing them back today, and I’m sure 47 kids will want to know if they can make it up, and the answer is no, do it right the first time. As a culture, we love our do-overs, don’t we? Except you don’t always get a do-over. And do-overs double my workload. I’m already buried. It’s just not realistic to think you can always make it better after completing it. Sometimes you have to try harder the first time and then own the work you did.

Not sure if that’s philosophical or not. I’m still under the influence of that headache.

We went to a talk about the zombie brain last night…it was great. Gave us lots of ideas for future zombie science teaching. Instead today I’ll be teaching boring old DNA. You know, the instructions for life. DNA shows up in a few of my quilts. Sometimes it’s a simple bracelet on a wrist. Other times it’s large and in your face.

So that means I got home late…it was totally worth it, but I sat there again on the couch, trying to stay awake…this time, I managed to cut out some fabric though…

Oct 14 15 004 small

Except I was lame and missed the two pieces on that strip of fabric that is lying on the couch. Toldja I was tired. One more to go. Then I can iron. Unfortunately, I have a long, exhausting union meeting tonight. I would love to come home and have the energy to walk the dog, but…yeah. Who knows.

This was the morning sky. Some of the headache might be due to the thunderstorms that are supposed to arrive tonight. I would walk in that…totally.

Well, I’d love to consider the things I might get done tonight, and I truly wish that I am able to come home, sans headache, exercise, cook a healthy dinner, and then iron some things together in an arty way. But I have to be straight up and admit I don’t have much hope for all that at the moment.

I’ll do what I can. That’s all I can do.

A Brightly Colored Cat…

So yesterday was a giant time suck of catching up on everything that didn’t happen on Saturday…because I really did go to a baby shower and then found a coffee shop and graded and then went to an amazing opening of Bhavna Mehta’s paper-cut work. The exhibit is called Gush and it’s currently at the Oceanside Museum of Art.

I have more photos, so I can write a post for our group’s blog. I saw Bhavna’s work years ago, well before she joined the group. It’s amazing stuff. Her brain works in these incredibly intricate ways. And I’m so glad she’s in our group now, because that means I get to see her work all the time.

Actually, before I got in the car, I managed to finish cutting fabrics out for the weird cat…because I was already halfway done.

That’s a lot of fabrics for such a small quilt.

After the museum opening, I kamikazed back to my home town, where I did this drawing in a bar watching a band play.

Then Sunday, after de-installing the 17-foot woman, going grocery shopping and to two other errands, taking the trash out, dealing with laundry, cooking for the whole week, and grading a bit (all that took until 9:30)…then I finally got up, stood up, stopped staring at screens (there were three of them)…and made it into the studio space for some real stuff. I decided on Saturday to trace this one again and make a brightly colored version. I really wanted a brightly colored cat. What can I say? I cut the Wonder Under out on Saturday too…so last night, I got ready to pick fabrics.

There’s the selection! Yup, it’s a little crazy.

I was in a mood apparently.

It doesn’t take long to do these little guys.

And even to cut them out.

I got another two small quilts cut out last night as well…

It’s fast…but I still have two more to go.

Hopefully tonight I can get those done and maybe start ironing these together. I’m already tired, though, and it’s still supposed to be hot today, although it’s not so bad right now. Plus I need to get exercise back into my regular routine. My life is kicking my butt at the moment. I know y’all are like “OMG how does she get so much done?” but I’m like holy hell, why am I not more efficient? I do need to do some major cleaning tonight after the mess I made last night, but at least I have lunches for the week and one dinner in there already made. That’s the shit that saves me during the week. Then I’m aiming for two days at the gym and one hike with the dog if it cools down. Plus ironing all those beasts down. Plus catching up on grading, whatever that code phrase “catching up” means.

Every year, I donate to SAQA in the form of buying one of their small auction quilts…this is what I bought this year…

It’s even nicer in person, a silky organza-type fabric that shimmers a bit. It’s by Daniela Tiger and is called Let’s Chat. Soon it will join the other pieces hanging around my house. It’s hard for me to simplify enough to work small. I appreciate others who can.

Melty Brain…

I swear the hot weather sucks my brain out of my head and spits it out on the ground, where it sizzles and bursts into flames. We took 140 kids to the zoo and it was over 100 degrees. Significantly hotter back at school even. By the time I got home, I just wanted to sit, and then I napped. And that’s how you know you’re old. A nap on a Friday afternoon/evening. But after that, I graded papers (took way too long…couldn’t focus). And I finally got my act in gear and headed into the studio…

I didn’t get very far…

So this is the weird cat. You can’t even see all the weirdness in this photo. But it’s weird. But I like it. So worst case? It’ll be mine.

I started ironing these pieces down and then I hit the mental wall of exhaustion…for like the third or fourth time in one day.

Man, even the camera was tired and couldn’t focus. Ugh.

I’m not a whole lot more awake this morning, unfortunately. Boychild texted me for a turkey burger recipe, girlchild is at work, bored stiff, and I’m trying to wake up enough to deal with leaving the house for about 12 hours straight. I have two events up in North County, one in the afternoon and one in the evening, so I’m just going to take my grading with me and find a coffee shop in between and sit in air conditioning, instead of the heat I have at my house. Then I come back down here to a show. Somewhere in there I need to eat a couple of meals maybe? Or maybe survive on baby-shower food and art-opening snacks? Probably not going to be enough.

And hopefully by tomorrow it will cool down, because I have to go take down the 17-foot woman, and it was incredibly warm in that space last time. I should remember the ice water this time.

My goal for the small quilts this week is to finish ironing Cat 6 (above), finish trimming all of them (5 are done, 4 to go), and then iron them all together and down to backgrounds. The bird backgrounds were obviously blues. Not sure about the cats. And I kinda still want to do one crazy-colored cat, but I did them all normal so far, so I’m considering retracing one and doing it in crazy bright colors. However, I don’t think that’s happening today.

I guess it could, but I’d have to get my butt organized. Saturday mornings are not my strong point. Hell, mornings in general aren’t my strong point.

OK. Focus Kathryn. Get up and do stuff. Yes, it’s still hot. Your brain is still in your head. Get on with it.

Walking in the Dark…

I took the dog for a long walk that ended up being in the dark last night. Apparently she doesn’t like to walk in the dark. I don’t mind. It’s cooler. The cars get annoying on certain parts of this walk, but that’s only at the very end. Most of it was fine, except I had to put her back on the leash, because she was way too interested in the bunnies, who were coming out with the waning light. I had spent all day with people, trying to get them to do work or listen to me, so it was nice to not have to talk to anyone. Just walk. Just look. Just listen to music. OK, I had to talk to the dog a few times. She gets nervous sometimes. If and when I’m ready to hike with other humans again, I will. For now, I need the silence.

Then I came home and I didn’t even sit down. I cooked from scratch and THEN I sat down. After food, I graded papers, because I’m so far behind. Again. Still. Hate that. Hate how it feels. But I tried to be efficient. It takes 2 1/2 hours for me to grade one medium-sized assignment. The Unit 1 journals that I’m grading at school? About 2 hours per period, so 10 hours. I had a couple people tell me that my job is not hourly, that it’s salaried, so I can’t complain about all the extra hours I do, but I know what salaried people get in terms of salary and perks, and I don’t get that. So it’s not OK. And I don’t get paid during the summer, which is hard. I work as a teacher almost every single night, every Sunday and many times Saturday, and almost every holiday. Sometimes the workload weighs on me so heavily, I wish I could be a barrista…just make coffee all day on my feet (I’m already on my feet all day) and then come home and slough off the job and not have to BE my job for another 3 or 4 hours.

Which is why the art is so important. It’s where I get that sense of peace that I need to get up the next morning and sometimes drag myself to school, to yet another meeting where they will take 90 minutes to say in one sentence what we want to hear: Yes, we will help this needy child by providing services. Holy god, yes. Say that more.

I ironed well last night…not long, just well. About an hour and 10 minutes on art…I ironed the more complicated heart in hands…

It had quite a few fabrics because the hands had fingers. What the fuck was I thinking? Simple? Not quite.

They’re ready to be cut out. Trying to decide if I’m going to take these to my stitching meeting tonight or just take grading.

Because either I’m going to grade there or I’m going to come home and grade. I can grade there and then come home and cut stuff out, or if I have enough energy, I can iron the last one, which is bigger and more complicated.

Then I did the owl…

I did three owls last year, but they were all the same pattern, just three different colorways. This is a different drawing.

We’ll see if he’s popular.

Kitten was in there the whole time, my inspiration for most of the cats in my quilts. Before her, it was Juniper, also a calico. Apparently I have a calico personality. Friendly, but a little feisty…known to bite or attack if provoked.

Here though she is kneading my batting into submission.

OK, another early start. Tomorrow is a field trip. I’d like to say I’m going to the gym tomorrow after school, but I suspect the field trip is gonna kick my ass and I’m going to come home and grade stuff until I can stand up again. At least this time I will have leftovers in the house if I need them.

One more to iron, and then I can start cutting them out. I’m hoping to be ironing them together next week.

Just a Thought…

I have not achieved school/work/life balance yet this school year. I’m either grading or working on some freelance job or making art, but it seems a decision to do one means I can’t keep up with the others. And I tend to prioritize the freelance stuff first, because…deadlines, and then grades and then art, or sometimes art and then I’m horrendously behind on grading (like I have been the entire school year so far). I come home too tired and then have to cook or deal with crap and then I look at the clock and it’s holy-fuck-o’clock and I need to think about sleep. So I might desperately spend a whopping 26 minutes doing art stuff at night (literally, that’s how much time I had last night).

I did the next cat…

Decided to make her a ginger. Not quite a tortoiseshell…not dark enough by far. But more like Rusty, a rescue cat we had years ago, back when we let cats roam. She was a coyote dinner at some point. Too bad. She was a sweetheart. I don’t let the cats out any more.

Rusty had more pieces than I was expecting…

So I did a gray, a black, and an orange kitty, and a couple of calico-types.

Some blue eyes and some green eyes. I think there’s only one more cat, and it’s a weird one. A Kathy quilt for sure. And there’s an owl and another heart in hands. I would have done another smaller one last night, but the last three aren’t small. They’re complicated. So I knew it would be another 45 minutes and that was well past midnight, so I stopped. I have another freelance job I’m working on this week. I’m trying to get enough money together to make the first of about three college payments I have to do for the boychild. I think if I spread them out instead of trying to do three months in a row, I’m going to be better off. It’s just too hard for me to come up with that lump sum in one go.

This is another early morning arrival day for me, unfortunately. I have 21 minutes until I need to leave for school. Yes, I try to write every day before school. For a while, I did it at night because it cleared my brain and I could actually sleep, but this seems to work better now. I can set goals for the day and try to wake up (I really don’t morning well). I eat my breakfast and drink my tea while I write. I try to reflect on the last 24 hours, on what I got done and how I feel about it. Ugh. I feel tired. And stressed. And overworked. Progress reports go home tomorrow and parents will start to panic. One parent yesterday wanted to know why we didn’t contact all parents when a kid didn’t turn one piece of work in (um. Lady. I like to sleep occasionally.). And then proceeded to tell us how busy she was, too busy to check her kid’s grade. Really? It was an interesting meeting. There was another one after school. Another one today. Don’t get me wrong; I love when parents give a shit. But give a shit and take some responsibility yourself for your child, and then at the age of 12? Make them take some too. I will make these kids more capable in the classroom. Or I will die trying.

So. When I get home from what is likely to be a contentious, stressful meeting today, I will hopefully have the energy (and time before dark) to take the dog for a walk, and then quickly do dinner, and do some grading, because I need to. And then I’m hoping to iron the last three quilts. It’s probably 2 hours of ironing, so I should start by 9:30. Just to be safe. There’s the schedule I need in my head. And honestly, if I have that? I am a million times more likely to actually DO it.

Just a thought.

Restart

So the studio is relatively clean, in that the piles of fabric are put away (well, mostly…it gets harder and harder to find room for them sometimes). I straightened up some of the chaotic piles that live and breed in here. I even threw out a bunch of school stuff that I will never use, but felt guilty about, because the district was so psychotic about it 5 years ago, and now have dropped it almost completely. It’s not like I was going to read through those silly pieces of paper again anyway. I should remember that after the next PD (which, whoops, is today…and which I don’t want to go to, because none of the courses are really something I need, and they don’t interest me either). As everything flips online anyway, I don’t need as many samples of what kids might have done…or if I do, they are online and I should save those. I tried to do that last year too…save examples of each assignment where students might need that. Although often if you give them an example, they just try to copy it. So maybe it’s better to throw them in cold.

The studio got cleaned in the middle of a smallish copyediting job…small in that it wasn’t a lot of words or work, but it was significant to me because it was my first in many years, since I started teaching basically, and it was also online for the first time for me. I was worried, but it was easy. My brain knows exactly what to do when I edit. It took about 30 seconds for that editor brain to kick in and start a style sheet. So that was good. And I even now have an Excel spreadsheet for invoices (in the old days, I had no such thing). I started with the next number on the list, 283. So yeah. I wrote 282 invoices for Harcourt/Elsevier when I worked for them…usually 2-3 per book, depending on the length. I think I figured at one point that I had worked on over 65 books. Anyway, the job wasn’t easy, but it also wasn’t hard…just time-consuming and eyeball-straining. I actually liked the ability to use technology to make the job easier…searching for corrections that needed to be made throughout the manuscript was a piece of cake.

So hopefully there will be more of those. Grades are due Tuesday. I input a lot of stuff Friday night, but I still need to finalize the actual progress-report grade with effort and behavior grades and comments if I have time for those. Some day we will be allowed to write our own comments. This system doesn’t allow it. My last school district allowed teachers to write 3 or 4 of their own comments, although “lazy butt” is generally still frowned upon, as is “can’t think for himself” and “please don’t send sugar with your child” or “why do you let them stay up all night playing video games?”. So it might not be particularly useful if I can’t write what I really think. Or sometimes, honestly, “I think your kid is awesome and you did a great job raising them. Thank you.” No really. There are some of those.

So last night, after all the school stuff that I wanted to do was done (well, plus some I didn’t want to do, but did anyway), I finally managed to touch fabric without the purpose being to put it away.

Look! It’s fabric being chosen for a tiny cat quilt! Oh yes. Finally. I drew these all in what…June? July? Numbered them all. You know, it’s funny. I have an app for that. Seriously. I use a task-managing app to keep track of how much time I spend on stuff, including writing and copyediting. It makes life so much easier. So I numbered all the little quilts in early July. And then I traced the Wonder Under in early July as well. I cut it all out around mid-July. And then I put them in a box and squirreled them away until now, because two giant projects jumped the line. Which is fine. It may actually make more sense in terms of being able to sell these to finish them in October, with Christmas and other gift-giving holidays just around the corner. So I’m OK with it.

And yes, I only finished picking fabrics for one last night. I was significantly tired from the weekend and working so many hours. It’s not physical, but it’s mentally draining. My brain starts to rebel and wants some art and movies and comic books and whatever else it can get besides more workity work work. So it is an incredible relief to turn around to the ironing board, flick the iron on, and start climbing around on the floor looking for the perfect pink for a cat’s nose. I’m hoping to do more of that tonight, but I have an art-related meeting after school and then grades still have to be finished. If I’m incredibly efficient, I might get it done during my prep period, but I’m remembering that my before- and after-school duty starts this week (giant Ugh Sigh), so I will have to be remarkably efficient to make sure each day that I’m ready for the next. I hate duty. I really do. And there’s some chance of rain today during that as well…which is good for San Diego, but bad for my lack of dampness. It also means I need to make an attempt to leave earlier for school each day, because on my regular schedule, I will have a whopping ten minutes to pee and set up my classroom for 1st AND 2nd period, and that sounds like an issue to me. Damn. I hate this.

But…art has restarted and that’s a good thing. I know. I took a week off. Sort of. Finished one on Monday, September 29…then cleaned up all week…and started the next one on Sunday, October 4. That IS a long break for me actually. How did I manage no art all those days? No wonder I’ve been cranky. Remember that. Shit, I know that. It just wasn’t in the cards those days.

A Small Break…

I worked 16 hours yesterday. I spent 8 hours, maybe more, at school. Then I went home and sat on the couch with a cat, the dog’s head on my feet, and I graded stuff and fought our grading system, which kept crashing and locking me out. But I got some stuff updated in there, probably enough for progress reports anyway. I might do more, depending on the next few days. I didn’t actually do my progress reports. Minor issue. Then I copyedited until midnight, maybe later. I think my eyeballs were unseating from their sockets at the end of it all. I couldn’t see straight, that’s for sure.

No art. And I’m cranky about it. But if I can finish the editing today, maybe I can make art tomorrow. Or grade more stuff. Because I’m not caught up. I never am. I got an email about a show I entered recently, one where I made a piece specifically for the show, and they are delaying the notifications about 3 weeks because there were so many entries. Damn. And I know the space…it’s not particularly large. But whatever. It’s an awesome piece, so it will go somewhere. Unlikely that it will get in…suspect there will be lots of dramatic and pretty things, and mine is…well…I don’t know what it is. In your face? I love it, but whatever.

It’s October, usually my favorite weather month. Not my favorite school month…too long! October and April or March, depending on where Spring Break hits. I think it’ll be April this year. But you get these cool breezes and vibrant blue Southern-California skies with fluffy white clouds bouncing around, and you can actually go outside without dripping sweat. Well, until next weekend, when it’s supposed to be 103 degrees! Oh well.

So what can I post here for pictures? I hate posts with no pictures. Maybe the drawings I’m considering for the next quilt? But then people will give me opinions! I don’t want those. Sorry. Guess that makes me sorta weird. I know all these artists who are sharing and asking questions, like what do you think about this color or that? And I’m like, well, I don’t care what you think. It’s in my head. I already know what I want.

My next-door neighbors, who actually built the house I live in as a spec house, are selling their house, which is a mirror image of mine. I feel kinda weird about that…I mean, this was the neighbor burping I was complaining about before, but they are a known quantity…occasionally loud, pirate parties where everyone is drunk and yelling ARRRR. And they would love to have me clean up my yard. I actually found a plan for my front yard that I like, all natives, drought-resistant, not grass. Now I just need manpower, money, etc. Yeah. So not happening. Oh well. If I keep barely watering that section, it will eventually be covered by the ice plant. I can see my neighbor up on the slope actually gardening. I usually only see him in bars, and he always recognizes me. Scary, because I’m never really sure if it’s him.

There’s that beautiful October breeze coming in the window, and what I need to do is do some more copyediting, and then probably run a couple of errands. I’m taking tonight off, which is a good thing, because my eyes hurt.

Today, this morning, Bathtub 5 is first on the list for the next big one…

I’m finding it unbalanced though…needs something on the bottom, and I don’t know what that is. With the mood I’m in, it might be a dead body. Hmn. Now there’s a message.

This one is in 2nd…it needs to be made, but I don’t know if I can make it yet…

Maybe it needs to fester some more.

And I originally pulled this one. But then it slipped to number 3.

I like the other two better. I have to decide which one I want to spend 100 hours or so interacting with for the next few months. But today is not really the day I get to think about all that. I can let it all slurp around inside my brain, and one morning I will wake up and it will be decided. But I’m too stressed by work(s) to do that right now.

I just finished this…This One Summer by Jillian and Mariko Tamaki…

I love that I can read a graphic novel quickly, just to give me a break.

thisonesummer_07

I liked it…lots of adult drama on the edges while two preteens try to enjoy their summer vacation. Good topics, good art.

So with that, I will now dump art and reading and get on with one of my paying jobs…