Even If the Skies Get Rough*

Aargh. So I was not very efficient yesterday. I could blame missing the kids, I could blame post-school brain. I could just say…hey…sometimes I can’t do what I need to do. I did walk the dogs. That was good.

And I started one drawing…just in pencil, because it’s not very high on the list. It’s just in my head, so I needed to start something.

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I don’t usually start in pencil, but I needed to for this one.

Then I started one that’s been in and out of my head for about a month…maybe more.

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This will be part of my solo show at Visions next year. I’d like to get it to a point tonight where I can enlarge it to draw the rest…because no way is it going to fit on one piece of paper. I guess I could enlarge it now…maybe. I’ll think about it.

I was supposed to spend all day yesterday cutting out pieces and then starting the ironing process. That didn’t happen.

If you walk dogs, they sleep.

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I spent about an hour with Expedia and the kids trying to reroute the boychild to the girlchild. I couldn’t make it work last night, so he’s going today. Hopefully. If the universe doesn’t fuck with us again.

I did eventually start cutting stuff out…

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And honestly, I got a lot done. All that’s left are the flesh fabrics and the sun and clouds. That’s not much, but it was more than an hour’s worth, I think. So I didn’t finish it last night. Puts me behind. Sigh. Giant sigh, actually. I still need to actually grade things. So I’m going to try to double up my efficiency today to make up for yesterday’s brain.

I miss my kids. Did I say that already? Yeah. Well. Three weeks. They’ll be home then. I can do that. And hopefully sometime today I’ll start ironing this thing together. It’s easier to stay on task when I’m ironing than when I’m cutting stuff out. Cutting just feels like it takes forever. And it doesn’t.

*Jason Mraz, I Won’t Give Up

Gonna Go to the Place That’s the Best*

I know. I usually post Saturday morning. And not Sundays. But I was working with (aka following around like a puppy trying to figure shit out) the internet fixer-upper guy for over an hour yesterday to get all the pieces of equipment to talk to each other politely and consistently. He was worth every damn penny, because now everything works. Well. Until the kids get home probably, although we tested kid scenarios as well. We ran videos and Netflix in three rooms at once. So. For now, it will work.

And then I thought about writing, but I had made absolutely no art since Thursday night, so what was the point in writing about nothing? Or writing about the fact that I was on vacation, a whole week off the crazy. Honestly, I flailed about for a bit, and then managed to get my butt in here and iron stuff for over three hours. So that was nice. My brain appreciated it. Such a relief.

It took about 30 minutes before my brain fully kicked off the fuzz and detritus of school (I do still have shit to grade…let’s not kid ourselves. School cannot totally be written off, but I can certainly try to ignore it for a few days).

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Ironing the flesh and bones was a bit more complicated. There were scars and cracks, all the purples. There were only 5 actual flesh colors. And then three bone colors. I lay them all out, pulling from multiple bins, until I have all the fleshy bits on a fabric. It takes a while…I think the flesh pieces started in the 100s and finished in the 600s.

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And then I iron all of them down. Which takes a long time.

So although I’m in the 600s on the bottom part of the table, the two top rows are all the things on or near the body that aren’t supposed to be flesh-colored…like hearts and lungs and a mammogram and a bunch of other crap. Eyeballs. Teeth. So all those need to be ironed down, and that’s usually pretty time-consuming.

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So as much as I’d like to say that I’m up to the 600s, that’s not really true.

These pieces used up almost all of what I had left of this fabric.

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There’s what’s been ironed so far. I think I need a bigger box.

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And everything I’ve used so far…

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Kitten’s got it right. This is some of what I did yesterday, until the phone rang. Some survey. Nope. Not unless I can nap through it. Think I need another one today. Nap. Not a survey. I don’t ever really need a survey. Although I did this one; you should do it too. Interestingly, there were a couple of things where I actually agreed with our future Asshole-in-Chief. Like childcare and eldercare. But mostly he’s crazy. Nucking Futs as one friend says.

Sleep, Kitten. I’m sure he has issues with calicoes too, but I will protect you when they try to send you to an internment camp for your differences.

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My sarcasm abounds.

My goal is to iron more tonight, hopefully all of it, but probably not. Depends on how efficient I am, I guess. Finish ironing tomorrow and cut stuff out. Try not to read anything political for a day. Ha. Yeah. I know. Well women aren’t smart enough to understand what they’re reading, right? (Hello, Breitbart, I’m talking to you.) Oh holey moley. Sometimes it’s hard to just have a conversation with people without everyone getting angry or sad. Amazing that an election can do that.

OK. Gonna iron. Not gonna nap. Will drink more tea instead. I can nap when I’m dead. I think.

*Norman Greenbaum, Spirit in the Sky

Into the Sea of Waking Dreams*

It’s a survival day. I’m tired, I’m emotional (for a variety of reasons, none of them particularly clear or definitive), the kids are psychotic (anyone who’s ever been on a school campus the day or so before a week off knows what this looks like…it’s worse than the day after Halloween), and I just want it to be done. I want everything to just stop for a while and leave me alone so I can think. And maybe read my book. Because it’s good but really long and I want to finish it before the damn library steals it back from me. It’s digital, so they can actually do that, instead of my just holding on to it for an extra few days to finish it. There’s over 1000 pages in it, so that doesn’t help.

I had an artists’ talk last night…I know my brain slowed down enough that I couldn’t remember the phrase “free association”. Amusingly. Some guy came up afterward and asked if that’s what I had meant. Sure. Yeah. Couldn’t free associate free association. It was a hard lesson to teach yesterday, mostly because I knew I was being observed in my last period, which is notoriously one of my worst, but also because some days I only barely have an understanding of what I’m teaching (as I’m quickly googling sublimation because I kinda know what it is, but not well enough to explain it to 7th graders). By the end of the day, though, I had reminded myself of stuff I used to teach that was related to what we were doing…and it helped.

But exhausted. That’s the place I was…and still am. So tired it hurts to hold my eyelids up. And I can’t get the puppy to come inside this morning. He just wants to be out and running around and digging at something that was out in the yard last night. I can’t leave him out all day because of coyotes, so he’s got to come back in. Fuck.

I’m nowhere near where I wanted (needed?) to be on this quilt dammit. And that basically means I need to finish everything before Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Yeah. I know. That’s crazy talk. OK, maybe I can still have binding to hand sew at that point. So Saturday through Thursday. Probably another 8 hours of ironing, then say 6 hours of cutting, another 10 hours to iron it together, then stitch down of about 4 hours (I am totally making this shit up), then sandwich and pinbaste for an hour, then quilt for 6 hours. Sew binding on is another 2 hours for the non-handsewing part. Ha! 36 hours. OK. That’s only like 7 hours a day. Shit. OK. Sigh. It’s good to see that out in front of me.

I did iron a little bit last night…added some purples and yellows…

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Found those silly dirt pieces from the night before.

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Still need to decide what color the dinosaur is going to be.

I was tired.

Thing is, on a good day, I can work on art for 10+ hours…so maybe I just need to aim for that. And ignore the fact that I do have stuff to grade. And the house is a mess. And I have a copyediting job that’s showing up. Minor issue.

I’m still trying to persuade the dogs that it is warmer together (yeah, I had two cats with me last night in bed), but they are both wary of each other…

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Simba loves Calli’s bed and wishes he could sleep on it all night (he can’t, because he’s a destructive barky asshole at night). If Simba’s on the bed, Calli comes running to me to complain about the interloper. I try to tell her how BIG she is and how she should just lie down next to him, but it takes me forcing the issue for it to happen.

OK. 1. Survive today without crying in front of students (wow. That sounds pitiful.). 2. Make art like a crazy woman. 3. Meditate regularly. 4. Go out in nature and hike around with dogs. 5. Sleep more. 6. Fix and clean everything. Seems like a good plan for the week off.

*Sarah McLachlan, Possession

Saying It’s Not a Catastrophe*

I think my brain just stopped. I woke up to news (again) of internment camps and registries, woke up too early because I have to be at school to help with a rewards breakfast, probably for a couple of Muslim kids, as well as other types of kids…honestly, if we’re going to do internment camps and registries, let’s start with those who kill the most in our country: white males with guns. OK. Once we have that camp going (which probably includes a goodly number of my neighbors and even probably my dad, although not my brother, hallelujah), THEN we can talk about the next largest group who kills people here in the United States. And just a clue…it’s still not Muslims. How does any of this make sense? Is there a white male politician internment camp being planned? I say we pick a state who wants them and put a wall around it. I’m pretty sure I could write an fairly entertaining dystopian (except NOT so unreal and in the future at the moment) novel about this.

I know I’m not the only one waking up every morning at the moment dreading what’s being reported next. I guess there is solace in that. I’m gonna go hug some kids today…ALL of them. I talked to one kid yesterday who hates (with a passion) the US military. You know why? They bombed his town. He lay in (under?) his bed at night listening to glass break and bombs fall, he heard how our soldiers talked to his people, and he hates them. I don’t blame him. We had a good discussion. He doesn’t hate America. He doesn’t hate all Americans. He just hates the military. He’s incredibly intelligent…and I talked to him about finding a place for that anger…about processing it. Meanwhile, very few kids want to say the pledge of allegiance still, and there are days when I feel the same way about it. You want white supremacists and women-haters and Jew-haters and Muslim-haters and let’s just break it down here…HATERS in charge. I don’t get it. I won’t pledge to that.

I made art. Slowly. Tiredly. I went to the gym and the chiropractor before that…so it was already late. I keep forgetting how much I like the gym. I should remember that more often.

You may not know that I have to escort (with flashlight) two dogs outside multiple times a night. They’re both scared of the dark, and one doesn’t like water either (sometimes that shit falls from the sky). I’m not sure I understand why she likes to stand in the ferns, but she does. She’s not peeing. She’s not doing anything but standing in them.

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Weird dog.

Here’s all the fabrics I used last night…lots of browns. I just realized I cut out all the dirt except for the dark part around the hole, and I put all those fabrics away. Dammit. I was tired last night.

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And I didn’t even use that pink one on the right. It was too much trouble to put it back though. I need to install a light under the desk so I can see the fabrics under there better. Home Depot trip in my future.

Here’s everything I’ve ironed down. I haven’t gotten very far…I’m in the 100s. But it’s taking me forever. Deciding which browns and grays…I stared at the grays for about 20 minutes last night trying to find a lighter brownish gray to go with the other two I’d already picked…this for a mole who is about 2 inches across. Sometimes my brain doesn’t work well. It probably didn’t matter THAT much, but eventually I found a third fabric that worked.

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Today is a long day…and I’m not sure I’m ready for any of it. Too tired really to handle it well, I think…and yet I will have to. True for all of us, I guess. Although if you’re one of those who is currently fist-bumping the air over the internment camps, I’d tell you to piss off, but maybe, really, maybe what you should do is come visit my classes for a day. And meet some of them. And tell me why those kids (or their parents) deserve to be harassed. Or you can just quietly decide to stop reading my blog. I really don’t care which you choose.

*Aimee Mann, Humpty Dumpty

I Ran So Far Away*

I’m having a hard time with the artmaking process lately. Most of it is about finding the time, but also just wondering if there’s a purpose to it. Will it solve any of the shit that’s going on right now. And I know in the long run that art and music and drama (the good kind…not the kind I see at school) will be part of the solution, but certainly there needs to be some yelling and protesting and organizing that needs to happen. Just as an antidote to the stupid shit we keep seeing. It’s not enough to just shake our heads and go back in our houses, close the doors, and hunker down on the couch with the TV. You can go check this website out…yeah, it’s a little jokey at first, but there’s some real info on there. It’s a place to start…but acknowledging where many of us are right now. Marching in January is cool, yes…and don’t be one of those haters who thinks it’s childish for us to protest. It’s the American way. We can and you will just have to suck it up and let us. We don’t want anyone to be unclear on how we feel. It needs to be loud and in your face and right now. For as long as it takes. Until my future president disintegrates in a 3-AM Twitter rant about it? Nope. Even after that. But something needs to be happening now and every day without let up until 2020. Maybe after. Maybe forever.

So with all that in my head, I’m working on a piece right now that was started before all that. And it’s got some things that are sort of relevant to how I’m feeling, but it seems a little light and easy when facing the future. Which is fine. I’m not going to stop working on it. It needs to be done. But the next batch of pieces is going to be a bit different. I got some of the solo show worked out in my head last night…and there’s opportunity for me to work some of this out in fabric. And that’s a start. I’ll figure the rest of it out. The politics…the protest…how to make the best change…and that might just be in my classroom, but I think it has to be more.

Meanwhile. Art. I hung the drawing…it’s tall. More of those long skinny ones coming your way in the next few months. You can see some portion of my crazy fabric storage. I cleaned up in there for about an hour before I started last night. It needed to be done.

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The triangle of ironing board, iron, and table where all the pieces go…and more fabric storage. Really, this room is all about efficient storage.

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From the door…the ironing board gets in the way of computer work during this stage, but I deal. It’s not a huge room.

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I laid out the first 100, which were all in the dirt and water.

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And I ironed a bunch of dirt fabrics. Although I found one piece in the hallway this morning. Just the Wonder Under. I know puppy ran off with something last night, but I’m not sure how he got it (I must have dropped it), so I’ll have to figure out which fabric it is supposed to be and iron it down.

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There’s a lot of brown in the bottom of the quilt.

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Dirt.

I didn’t get very far last night, but I did get somewhere. And that’s progress…movement in the right direction. And I also know that it will make me feel better, calm down the brain that keeps waking me up in the middle of the night with worst-case scenarios…I’m still looking at the tax scenario NPR put up and going…fuck…really? My taxes go up significantly. You know why? Because I’m not married. And my kids aren’t in child care. Because they’re cheap right now? Holy shit. That makes my stomach tie in knots. I’m already stressed about paying for college.

OK. Stop thinking about shit that hasn’t happened yet. I mean, don’t stop, because you need to protest that shit in art and in writing and in groups and in politics, but don’t let it take over like that.

Yeah. So. Chiropractor today. Oh hallelujah. It hurts.

*Flock of Seagulls, I Ran

I Blame It on My Own Supply*

Interesting couple of days. I really really really wish I didn’t understand HTML. Because I spent about an hour last night editing it…

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Why? Because Blogger is a piece of crap sometimes. Sigh. Some bug in the fonts was driving me nuts, so I just went in and deleted all the code until I could make it work. Just so I could write a post about the Night Stand exhibit I’m in with Feminist Image Group…go check it out. We’re having a pajama party (no really) on Thursday, aka an artists’ talk, but not really? But if you want to hear the artists talk about their pieces, that would be the time to go. In your pajamas. There’s food.

This might be the closest I got to making art this weekend…photographing the cat next to the cold iron.

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Oh wait, I did buy background fabrics. I couldn’t choose. I will use the others (I use blue a lot for some reason), so I’m not worried about having extra, but I haven’t made a decision yet.

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Which is fine, because I still haven’t cut out the last yard. Tonight. Hopefully. I went back to school yesterday and graded more science units, plus spent about 4 hours on that post (resizing photos, pulling all the text, editing the text, at least I didn’t have to type the text, fussing with the damn stupid code. See a non-copyeditor would have said “Oh Well” and moved on because they wouldn’t have known what to do.).

I don’t think this is art. Although it seems like it.

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But I did make it to art on Saturday night. This is amazing work by Marianela de la Hoz, currently at ArtProduce.

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Her work is tiny and delicate and incredibly detailed…

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And political on top of it. This is Paradise Lost and the Big Bang.

The detail on this piece…The Absurd Monologue Between Adam, His Image, and His Likeness…

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I stared at this one for a long time…

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The skulls alone…

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Behold the Man I…no joke there.

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Definitely fitting work for the times. I really enjoyed this show.

Anyway. So I’m still not getting art time in, although my plan is to spend almost all of next week arting. I now have two full drawings in my head, and I still need to start ironing Wonder Under to fabric this week. Somehow! Seriously. I’m not enjoying this. My chiropractor is gonna have a field day with my neck and back this week. Deep breaths. I can survive this week and have a week off with all the goodness that I can save up until Winter Break. I can do it!

*AWOLNATION, Sail

If I Just Lay Here*

It’s amazing how two full nights of sleep help. Although things are still looming, I think I can handle them. For now. Ask me how I feel about that on December 1, though. Or in January, when the politics get worse than they already are. Friends are worried about their posts becoming an issue with the change in political climate. Artist friends are ramping up their political pressure. I know where I stand on that, I guess. I’ve been apparently making controversial art for a long time…I suspect that’s going to continue, based on the drawings currently in my head.

I was grading yesterday at school…there’s A/C there (it was in the 90s yesterday here in sunny Southern California), plus the construction noise here was driving me bonkers. I’m going back tomorrow. But I’m sitting there grading as both my kids are going back and forth about political stuff they’re involved in at school…and you worry, because you’re the mom, but I’m really proud of them. Good kids. Go out and change the world. Because this sucks. Big time. I feel a disconnect between their marching in protests and the like and my sitting here and grading papers about atoms.

Meanwhile, I got about halfway through the piles. That’s it. I’m going back today.

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It was about 3 1/2 hours yesterday. Probably will be the same today, if I can find 3 1/2 hours. I still need to finish a worksheet for Tuesday, write next week’s warmups, write and send next week’s parent email (these are the things I do on Sundays), and who knows what else. But my goal is to have all those graded before break so I don’t have to worry about them then. I can work on the quilt that has to be done in early December and the copyediting, when it comes. And maybe clean the house and clean up the downed branch that’s been in the back yard for about 6 weeks now.

I walked the dogs too…and myself. A nice 3-mile hike to clear the mind. Those are harder to do with the time change…it gets dark too damn early.

I went to an opening, shopping for pens (there’s only one place I’ve found to get them locally, and it’s in Hillcrest, which is a pain in the butt for parking), made dinner, and then settled down to the long boring task of cutting out Wonder Under pieces…with Midnight supervising.

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It’s actually sort of meditative, and I kind of get surrounded by animals…it’s hot during the day, but chilly at night, so they gather around.

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Simba isn’t sure about being next to Calli…but she really doesn’t care…unless he’s biting her.

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Of the 5 yards, this is 4 of them cut out on the bottom, a box of trash on the top. Just one more to go. Not sure if that will happen today, but I did give myself Sunday as well…because sorting them will probably take an hour as well.

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Then later this week, I can start ironing them down. Although one other thing I’ll need to do today or tomorrow is find or buy a background fabric. Which means staring at the drawing for a while to figure out what color that might be. I don’t have a clear image of this in my head at the moment, in color at least, so that might take some rumination. I’d really rather be ready to go today…so that’s grading, drawing, and fabric today. Plus an opening. Plus some version of socializing. Well. Maybe with just one other person. Not sure I can handle more than that at the moment. Says the woman going to another opening tonight. Sigh. OK. Whatever. Still crying at the drop of a hat. I am so worried about the future of my students…about the future of my own children. There is too much crazy in the world.

*Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars

It’s a Very, Very Mad World, Mad World*

Reeling. More worried about how to walk into my classroom today and let my almost 100% immigrant kids know that they are safe here in TrumpWorld.

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Because I’m not sure they are.

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Reeling for women’s reproductive rights…hell, women’s rights in general. LGBTQ rights. Human rights. The Supreme Court. My taxes. My kids in college, paying college fees and loans. My health insurance. But mostly knowing that I am currently under a government that doesn’t care about those things. Or me. Or my students. And people around me voted for them…not just Trump, because he is just one man, but a conservative, racist, misogynist man who takes the slightest offense and turns it into a Tweet war, and a government that might be on his side.

I started having a panic attack around 7 or so, so I turned off the news and started tracing. I traced for over 3 hours. My kids were texting me all throughout. It’s possible the girlchild is rioting right now, while the anarchist boychild plots some sort of political overthrow. I’m OK with both of those right now. (And if they’re not, maybe they should be.)

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I guess that was my meditative solution to the stress levels.

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I’m about 540 pieces in. Another night like that and I’ll be done.

Simba tried to help. Petting animals is supposed to help.

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Yesterday’s new unit cover page.

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It’s pretty cool, but I’m more horrified by my country right now than pleased with my cover page.

Peace on people. Stand up. Get educated. Yell loud. Don’t stop yelling. Don’t give up.

*Gary Jules, Mad World

She Isn’t Sure Where She’s Gone*

I would love to say I finished grading and got down to the nitty gritty of artmaking yesterday, but it was not the case. In fact, I’m still semi-buried. Remind me next time to close the gradebook a week early. That would have been smart. I still have kids sending me makeup work. I’ve just stopped looking at it. I’m just dealing with the last big project at this point, and it will get done today (even if it kills me).

My internet is still fucked. Gonna have to deal with that. But I can’t deal on a school day, so it’ll have to be Friday or Thanksgiving break. I think everything I need to do in the world is falling on Thanksgiving break. It’s a little scary.

I’m artistically frustrated right now. I feel off balance when I don’t make. I get cranky with no creation. Working on it, art brain. Trying to get there.

Some of yesterday’s delay was because I was trying to help the girlchild with an essay about political crap I barely remember…usually that involves her sending me an essay and FaceTiming me while I tell her what doesn’t make sense. At this point, I think she was reading to me out of her professor’s book.

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Before that, I was trying to grade projects with puppy asleep by me…

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Which is significantly easier than when he tries to play with me while I grade.

At some point, my input wasn’t enough…so we enlisted the boychild as well. We tried to get all of us on Google Hangouts…

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But we couldn’t hear the girlchild…hence her sad face. So she FaceTimed her brother in his dorm room in Ithaca while I was in Google Hangouts with him. Super complicated. And in the end, we all ditched her to her words…

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She finished this morning…or at least, she resolved all the comments we made.

I took a break and finished my library book because the loan was ending this morning and I only had 50 pages left of a 680-page book. And I didn’t want to wait until it was available again dammit. Puppy moved up to cat position…

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It was chilly last night…and then I went back to grading until I realized it was late and I was frustrated.

This was earlier, when I was grading on the computer with Kitten’s help…

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She’s very good at standing in front of the screen and knocking papers down.

So an entire weekend of grading stuff, a few breaks in there. And I’m not done. I feel like I’m doing it all wrong. That’s the problem with assigning these big engineering projects…at the end, you have to grade them.

And the part driving me nuts…four days with no artmaking. I wanted to be done with tracing by tonight. That’s so not happening. I wanted to be ironing by the weekend. I think that is also a no go. It’s going to make this one a really tight deadline. Deep breaths. Because when this one is done, the deadlines stretch out a bit and I have a little more freedom on what I do. Maybe. Hard to say. Certainly with school taking so much more time this year, it seems like I will never stop grinding my teeth. And someone called me about a side job…supposed to call them back today. Aargh. I need the money to pay for college, but I don’t have the time for this. I have to make time for it. Sleep. Whatever.

*Talking Heads, And She Was

Light Strikes a Deal with Each Coming Night*

Well I can’t say I made art yesterday, but I sold some. So I guess that counts. Certainly it’s good news, although amusing in some ways, since I really need the money right now to pay for college fees, and because the show is traveling, I won’t see the cash until both kids have graduated. Oh well. Life goes on. Plan a vacation for 2019? Maybe.

The Goddess of Never-Ending Chaos sold at IQF in Houston yesterday…it will still travel with the Tranquility/Turmoil exhibits, but at the end, it will go on to its new owner.

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So that’s nice. I’m happy. I wish I’d been able to be there for the opening and to meet the new owner, but such is life.

In other good art news, the exhibit I was in last May, Feminism Now, will be traveling to Stockholm, Sweden in May 2018. Yes. We plan that far out. So that is also cool.

My piece, And Then There Was One, will be part of that show.

Kathy Nida Quilt

Meanwhile, I really need to find time to make the next quilt. I’ve started thinking about the work for my show at Visions next July. I have one drawing sitting in my head, waiting for time to draw. Like. It’s fully drawn in there. Seriously. But the piece I’m tracing right now is due quickly too.

Meanwhile, grades are due for school, so that’s what I’m doing all weekend…basically until I’m done. We took 240 or so kids to the zoo yesterday…

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Which was exhausting…yes…but fun. I forgot the sunscreen…luckily, it’s November, so I am just a bit pinky red.

Let sleeping bears lie, I say.

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This guy. I threw the ball 40 times this morning before he gave up. I felt bad for him after two nights of my being gone at openings.

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And now I’m grading while he runs around outside, barking at anything that moves. Also lying in the sun.

OK. Back to work. Art is in my head, but unfortunately, not on the radar. Hopefully tomorrow night. Otherwise, I think every teacher I know is grading shit right now.

*Iron and Wine, Each Coming Night