Finishing with Dogs

First of all, hello to all those new to my website who are wandering over here to wonder why I would get busted for a penis that isn’t even in my quilt (I do have quilts with penises in them…just not that one). Funny, because in my mind, that issue is a million years ago (OK, it was August…and September…and into October), and I’ve mostly moved on, except when I’m drawing and feel like adding a bunch of secret penises (penii?) into a landscape or a pretty earth woman covered with flowers. But that’s just the vengeful part of my brain talking. I let her out occasionally, but honestly, the state of the US government is way more pressing on my mind at the moment than some woman in Michigan who imagines penises where there are none. Or a quilt organization that calls itself supportive of creativity in quilts, but apparently only if they are pretty. And nonconfrontational (shut up, WordPress…that IS spelled right. What do you know.). You know, not art.

And dammit, I make art. I don’t sit there trying to figure out how to shock the easily shockable. What a waste of my time. If they don’t like it (like I don’t like some of their traditional stuff with 80 million jewels attached to it), then they can walk on by…like I do.

So with that in mind, here I am finishing another quilt. Actually, here are the dogs sleeping next to me while I finish another quilt.

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OK, so I made it all the way around the binding…just the sleeves are left to go. And now I’m starting to panic about the next one, because the drawing is only started. But it’s OK. I’ll draw tonight or Wednesday…and hopefully I can get at least one of the three (four?) I want done. I think I need to sit down and visualize how this is going to go. I mean, I have a wish list in my head (who doesn’t?) for the solo show next summer, but I’m not sure I can pull it off with the time available. Especially after seeing how little I got done the week I had off. And knowing I have a big copyediting job ahead of me.

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I wish I were a little less stressed about this. It’s the time of year, though. At school, we’re trying to finish a unit and make sure we’re ready to come back in January. Then there’s all the holiday stuff, lots of food for potlucks etc., and parties and family stuff. And then I’m trying to get art stuff done at the same time. My students all wanted to know if I did grades over the weekend. I told them no, I was working one of my two other jobs. Because I did 14+ hours of quilting stuff over the weekend. I did do grades last night, for a little while…but I still spent most of my evening handsewing a binding on with dogs and cats right next to me…not a bad way to spend an evening. I didn’t even poke any major holes in my fingers. Yet.

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And while I was writing this, the internet on my computer disappeared (it’s still working on my phone), so I’m giving up on the deep philosophical consideration of my artistic future and getting my butt to my day job.

Same As It Ever Was*

Finally a lie in. No raccoons. No coyotes. No howling. No barking. Just sleep, blessed sleep. I want to go on a vacation and sleep all night, get up and eat breakfast, and then take a nap. Lunch. Nap. Dinner and do some fun and crazy stuff. Not really. I’m not a very good sleeper…never have been. Even as a kid, I was hiding under the covers with a flashlight and a book instead of sleeping. I’d rather be doing or experiencing shit than sleeping. But occasionally a good night’s sleep is a blessing. Even when you feel drugged the next morning because your body is confused by what you just let it do. The alarm didn’t go off? We slept? Wait…what? We slept the normal amount? That can’t be right.

Accept it, body. It was a gift you probably won’t see again for a few weeks at least.

I didn’t get home until late (for me)…a meeting and a trip to the bank (on a Friday? What was I thinking) plus Home Depot for school stuff…but I hung up my door wreath (a present from my parents every year) and set out my poinsettia (which the dog knocks over with her tail every year, breaking off some major branch so it looks lopsided for the rest of the season). And I ordered pizza, because I was freaking tired. Then I cleaned the entryway floor, because it was dirty as hell and that’s where I pinbaste all the larger quilts.

Puppy was hyper, and I’d thrown the ball for him quite a few times, but he wasn’t done. So I kept throwing for him while pinbasting. He knows (mostly) not to step on the quilt. All the animals know to go around or I throw things at them. So he would bring me the ball and I would throw it and he would chase wildly after it.

Backing taped to the floor…if I ever have the money to remodel and this tile goes, I will still need tile in here, because sometimes on the really big quilts, I have to iron shit in here on the floor.

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I was really efficient the night before…the batting and top were all nicely smoothed out already, so I just dropped them on top. Easy peasy.

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More ball throwing.

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He gets closer and closer, tries to sniff the pins, treads on the edge of the quilt. Why aren’t you paying attention to MEEEE.

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And then gives up and sits on my leg (as I’m sitting on the ground, pinbasting). As I move around, he gets up and then settles on me again.

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Not the most comfortable for me, but apparently I was what he needed. He fell asleep there until I needed to move to the next section…

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It didn’t take long to pinbaste her.

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And then I started quilting. I do the outlining first, usually in a dark blue. I like it better than black. Black is really flat for some reason. Sometimes I use purple or dark green.

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I finished the whole dirt area and up into both legs, and to the uterus…

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And up one side of the torso, plus stomach and liver. Then it was after midnight, well after midnight, and I realized I was getting sloppy. I had quilted for almost 4 hours, which isn’t a huge long time, but after teaching all day and a long week with not enough sleep, it was best to quit. I’m back at it this morning, though, with a real true goal of finishing this weekend, although I think I have to go buy thread for the background quilting. Yeah. I don’t have enough of anything that’s the right color. So probably I should shower and eat and pick up my rain barrels (rebate!) and buy thread…and then hunker down and quilt my eyes out until it’s time to go out tonight.

A plan…I always have a plan.

*Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime

We Both Go Together if One Falls Down*

So I’m going to keep making my daily goals for this quilt and then not meeting them. I think that’s just gonna be how this thing goes until it’s done…if it’s ever done. Part of it is I have to do schoolwork when I come home too, and that’s taking longer than I’d like. But I honestly think this quilt is fucking with me. You will NOT finish me bitch.

OK, that sounds a bit crazy, yes. But usually I’m ahead of the game, not behind by a week.

I don’t think I started until almost 10…that’s part of the problem. Stay at school late to do tutorial, go to grocery store to buy more yeast packets for today’s lab on the way home, get home and read stupid email fucking up the entire schedule for next week, deal with that and dogs and order more yeast (I’m thinking I should buy stock in yeast, vinegar, and baking soda now that I’m teaching chemistry). What’s in my school fridge? Yeast. Eyeballs. A frog or two. I think I tossed the hearts. They went bad. Tapatio. Because. Yeah. Made dinner, hung out, tried to type up a worksheet when I couldn’t remember the damn materials and process. Fuck. OK. Finish that tomorrow.

Sigh. I’m overwhelmed. And irritable as shit. So I’m trying to hold that like a big huge ball of Playdoh and squish it down into something manageable, or even better, something I can throw away from me. I’m a visual person. I need to see all that shit rolled up in my head. Shove it into a cupboard, throw it out a window. In my head.

I had this drawing in my head for a while that I could never get out on paper. I was stuck in one of the old glass phone booths and everything else was banging on the outside, demanding shit. Yeah. Here’s how (and why) I hermit. Hard to do that with a classroom full of kids.

So I had started stitching down the night before, but I didn’t get very far. Honestly, I didn’t get much further last night, even with a couple of hours in…

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This threw me for a bit. I swore a lot (yes, mom, I turned it off and walked away and then came back to it). Nothing made it stop. That message came back up after I turned it back on. And I’m thinking to myself, YOU’RE overloaded? Fucking A. I’ll show you overloaded. I love that my machine takes on my moods. So just before I was about to give up and go meditate (while swearing profusely at the universe), I thought about that Google thing.

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You know, where you Google your error message (wait a minute…I’m getting a flash of how to solve ALL my personal problems) and someone else has a fucking answer? Yeah. Found it. Turned the damn hand wheel…all the while thinking, no fucking way this is going to work…and in typical Kathy brain fashion, I have now imagined all the possibilities to how I’m going to get the quilt done (including NOT getting it done or anything else, because I’m tossing everything in the pool and moving to Mongolia).

It worked. Seriously. Stupid machines. Kitten was perturbed by my yelling.

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Now did I get done? Hell no. I stopped at about 12:15 because I remembered I had to be up early for a meeting.

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I draw that face a lot because in my head, my mouth is often yelling like that. This quilt is about time. I don’t ever have enough of it. And apparently I’m old. You know how that goes (sure, many of you are older than me…). Bodies break down. I got the whole bottom dirt area done, plus the legs and torso up to about her waist, and I made it up one arm to the shoulders. So more than halfway, but I probably have a good two more hours to do. Yeah. Schedule shot to hell again. Whatever.

*Coconut Records, West Coast

I Can Paint This Picture Any Way That I See Fit*

Efficiency and balance…two things I’m always working towards…and often fighting like a ninja. I am just like you. I stare at a screen (phone, computer, TV) sometimes, unable to move off the couch (more lately…disheartened). I’d rather read my book or scan stupid articles sometimes than stand up (more standing! after a job where I stand all day) and make art. Sometimes I’m just tired. Sometimes I’m not motivated (deadlines help with that…hence, I just emailed the photographer…on a quilt that’s nowhere near done). I still do this though…this making, creating, pulling apart and putting back together based on the shit in my head. I can’t tell you when the drive to make got so strong…I know it’s gotten stronger than it was when I was a kid…every year…more of a push.

Yesterday, after teaching and prepping for crazy lab days this week (we are going to boil and foam and bubble and explode everything), I drove in traffic and rain across town to pick up my nightstand pieces from that show (that was quick)…and over an hour and a half later (ugh), I got home and started dinner. Fed the dogs. Did some school stuff. And then settled down to the artmaking.

It didn’t take long to iron the head to the rest of the body…

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The bottom’s all rolled up there to get it out of the way. Then I laid it out on one of the possible backgrounds. Now it’s true I was tired, but I probably should have cut the piece a little bigger, because it got a little fussy in the end, trying to fit it on there. Not sure what I was thinking. This piece is all about making shit work, even when I fuck it up.

Flipping the locations of the sun/cloud and the bird worked OK…I had to fuss with it a little to get the bird to fit, but it will be OK. And stitching will give it the detail I want…

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And this morning, the name (so far) popped into my head.

Unfortunately, my sewing chair was already populated…Huh. There’s all these other places she sleeps in my office, but today apparently this was the place. She doesn’t like the other chair, either, so I can’t just move her. She used to sit in the other one…but not since I bought this new one. Not sure why.

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Well. I’ve lived with cats for a long time and sometimes I push them off, but I’m much more likely to adjust to sit with the cat wherever it is. I started stitching down with her there. Eventually she left…but she stayed for a good long time. It’s cold here (for Southern California, that is…), so it’s probably pretty warm stuck behind my butt.

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I didn’t get a ton done, so I will probably still be doing stitch down tonight. I was hoping for pinbaste tonight, but I don’t think I’m going to get that far. I did about an hour and 15 minutes of stitch down last night, and I’m still down in the dirt. So it’s gonna be a while. Finish tonight, then pinbaste Wednesday. Hopefully start quilting Wednesday. I’m crazy if I think that’s going to be quick. The outlining won’t be too bad, but there’s a shitload of background in this thing (reasons to make the image cover the background…less quilting needed). I’m going to guess there’s about 25 hours left in making this quilt…and so it’s a good thing the copyediting job got delayed again, because this needs to be at the photographer just before that starts. So 25 hours in a week and a half, on top of teaching full time and trying to plan through January. Uh huh. Yeah. I can do that (yes, I’m crazy…but honestly, I haven’t been sleeping well…so there’s no point in going to bed early.).

Today, though, first I need to go to school and get ready to set fire to things (seriously…and hopefully not myself). I’m glad I got started on the stitching at least…finally progress on this thing. It’s been a frustrating quilt…I’m ready for it to be done.

*Indigo Girls, Collecting You

Wherever There Is

Hello Monday after a week off from school. Hello tired eyes…my fault for staying up too late working on a project that is trying to fight being finished on multiple levels. And then the coyotes’ fault for howling and yipping and generally driving the puppy bonkers. He does howl, that little beast…while Calli snores on. They’re coyotes, dude. They’re outside. They’re not coming in. We can sleep through that shit. (I personally cannot sleep through puppy howling…or coyotes half the time…but with puppy howling, there is no way I’m sleeping.). So I’m sleep short, for sure. I did manage to finish almost all of my grading last night, leaving the evenings free for artmaking (well, around the other stuff I’ve gotta do, but mostly)…at least until Friday, when they will turn more stuff in. A blissful few days…as it were…because we’re doing some monster labs this week. ‘Twill be a messy few days at least.

So once I figured out that there was no way around the retracing of the head and the cat at least, I did that on Friday…and then Saturday, I did a bunch of Christmas shopping (small business Saturday…hitting all the art events) and started cutting out the new pieces…

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I didn’t get very far, because I went to see Dr. Strange (definitely worth it). See, I’m not totally antisocial. I do stuff.

And yesterday, I worked a good chunk of the day before I was allowed art time.

So what I had to do was lay out the already cut pieces to see what fabrics I’d already chosen, then lay out the corresponding Wonder Under pieces traced the right way round, and then figure out what went where. Pretty easy, actually…

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Once I had them all ironed down (and I had two or three I had to retrace…I had some that I just stole from the other-way-round pile. So if I do make a quilt that is just her head, a small one, I would need another eye piece and cat ears and nose, plus top of head, I think.

Then I sat down and cut them all out. Usually I do that on the couch, but I was in the middle of an episode and it was easier to sit here…

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I just looked at the clock. Shit. Gotta book through this. I laid out all the pieces that needed ironing…

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Found all the scissors I was stockpiling in there and got them together (it’s not even a quarter of the scissors in the house)…

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And I started ironing. Now I probably should have stopped here. About. Because this was midnight.

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Ah well. There goes midnight. Kept going.

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I love the face fabric. Ironed the eye separately…

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And put it where it belonged.

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Head done. Not ironed to body yet. Whole mess not ironed down to background yet (things that were supposed to be done last Wednesday). Tonight…iron together and start stitch down. Tomorrow finish stitch down and maybe pinbaste. Quilting by Wednesday. Binding on over the weekend. Need to email photographer.

I did stop to throw balls for dogs. Simba left his at the other end of the hallway and is too scared of Calli to run by her and get it because Calli (despite that goofy smile) growls and then tries to steal the ball from him. Meanie.

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So that’s where I’m at. Significantly behind still, but getting there. Wherever there is. No music this morning for some reason (I was on hold with one of the college payment plans…woo hoo!).

This Ain’t Gonna Work*

Well. So. I ironed for about 7 hours yesterday until I realized I’d made a major mistake two steps back. I’m not even sure how I pulled it off. It’s funny, though…I can go back through the blog and see when I made the mistake…it was the day after the election. For some unknown reason, I flipped the drawing over and kept on tracing, but now everything was backwards from before. I have a light table because you have to trace the Wonder Under upside down so when you iron it to the back of the fabric, everything will be facing forwards again. So I did it right until I got to the head. And then I flipped it. For no apparent reason. Wednesday the 9th. Wow. OK.

Anyway, I didn’t figure that out until last night around 9 PM. When I was so close to done. Sigh. Giant ass sigh.

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Uterus in purple and red…legs going into the water…

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Kitten in one of her sleeping spots…

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Prosthetic arm balancing the ever-present cup of tea…and trying to catch that lost eyeball.

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There’s some weird stuff in this quilt…

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The other arm has a giant cell on it…

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And around 9 PM, I started the hair and went. Wait. Fuck. That’s backwards.

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Dammit. I’ve done it before. In fact, I have one entire quilt that is backwards. A full-size one. But to do it midway? Shit. So I was sitting there, head in hands, trying to process. Because it was the last 300 pieces. I hate to waste fabric. And time. So I ironed the sun/cloud combo…

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And I ironed the bird. So the sun would still work on the left side of the body…it was a little different, but I would be the only one who knew. Well, except I just told y’all.

The bird though…not gonna work. Orientation is all wrong. So that’s another 150 pieces or so…I mean, the head had to be retraced because the shoulders and hair wouldn’t work going the other direction. Same with the cat. So that was already 100 pieces.

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I didn’t want to retrace the bird. So at the moment, this is the plan. Flip the bird and cloud locations. I don’t think that will be an issue.

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But I had to retrace about 100 pieces…

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And I did that. And cut them out. Last night. Today, I’ll iron them down to fabric…and cut them out and iron them together. Dammit. Because I was going to be done with the ironing yesterday. Shit. I guess it makes sense that a quilt about time would fuck with MY time. And now you know how much the election affected me. Yeah. Well.

You know what sucks? Colleges deciding midyear to change housing/food costs, so you need to come up with an additional $700 right after the holidays. With no warning. Dudes. This is why I do that payment plan thing…so I can PLAN for it. Fuckers.

Speaking of a plan. I need to do that. For my quilts. It’s in my head. I just wrote it on the whiteboard on my studio door. I’m crazy. You might as well know that now. I’m hoping for four new quilts for the show…which would be fine, if they didn’t need titles, sizes, and photos by April 28. Yeah. I’m working on it. That’s about one a month.

Still trying to get the dogs to be cozy together. Previous to this, Calli was smelling Simba’s privates. Which dogs do. And he lets her, because she’s big and scary. To him. She’s a Golden…she’s really not that scary to most living beings. She’s scared of the cats.

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Yesterday morning, we worked on these trees. Which are on my neighbor’s property, but up on his slope. We’ve trimmed them before, with his permission. But they’re putting the house on the market, so that’s fun (both houses on either side of me selling in one year’s time after 18 years of the same neighbors). The trees block my view of the mountains…so we try to trim them to deck railing height every 5 years or so. I think it’s been longer this time.

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Now when I say we, I should really admit that my job is to stand on the deck and say “cut that. No, there.” while throwing balls or sticks for the dogs. My ex climbs into the trees and I ask where his health insurance card is and make sure the phone is ready to call 911. Because that shit scares the crap out of me. Yes. He has a chainsaw up there. He’s fucking nuts.

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And then we hauled it all back to my property…but here’s my view! The trees will bush out again…and that one roof is ugly as shit…but there’s the mountains! Yay.

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So that was productive. We also took out a volunteer tree that will never be a real tree. It’s a tree weed. But now I can hope the new neighbors are not loud noisy assholes. The guy above me and his cigars. Sigh. I hate that people don’t realize their bad habits affect their neighbors. Then again, I sew in the middle of the night.

Trying to make up for the stupid head stuff that messed up the quilt. Well. I will deal with that. And then start drawing. Well, there’s that school shit I need to do too. Ugh. And Christmas gifts. I started early, which is good, but it’s never early enough.

I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t put all the fabrics away that I used in this quilt, because I’m going to need them again. I hope I have enough of all of them. Eek. One of the flesh fabrics was pretty devastated…hopefully not the face fabric. I think all the grays are OK.

And yes, I will probably iron the wrong-facing face together and do something with it. Like I said, I hate to waste fabric. Those Depression-era sentiments passed down from Grandma through Mom…although I don’t save my tin foil. I do save rubber bands and twist ties though. OK Kathryn…focus. Yup. That app…read the quote. Sometimes I think it knows me.

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Because the mistake isn’t the end of the world, now is it? It was just hard to take last night. And now that I know where my head was when I made it, I just want to give myself a hug.

*Glass Animals, Gooey

Everything’s in Order in a Black Hole, Part 2*

Running late again. I started this earlier and then deleted what I’d wrote…don’t even remember why. I am NOT shopping today. No way. Got art to make, shit to grade. I’m way behind. Don’t want to deal with people for a while. Sorry people.

That said, I did start ironing yesterday and it was good. Sure, it was Thanksgiving as well and I did head out for dinner, but most of the day was here…grading stuff…and ironing.

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A hundred pieces laid out in piles of ten.

Look. It’s a mole. I think I did a mole once or twice before, but this one is particularly cute. And tiny.

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So many of my quilts start down in the dirt…

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This one is a little different because of the hole in the middle…I think I got all this done before I left for dinner…

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Kitten sleeps in my studio/office with me. She’s back in that box again today, but facing the other direction.

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When I got back from dinner and laid around for a bit (because that’s what Thanksgiving dinner does to you), I started ironing again…some water…

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And then I pulled that whole section up off the ironing sheet and rolled it up and set it aside. I’ll come back to it.

Then a volcano with a dinosaur.

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And legs…from the part in the water up to the hips…

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That’s where I quit…at around midnight. I didn’t want to start on the next bits because it would get complicated. So that’s where I’ll start this afternoon, I guess. I wish I could say I’d be done with the ironing today, but I think that’s a long shot. Maybe tomorrow…then stitch down. This thing is gonna be tight. If I can get it done in time at all. Ironically, it’s for a show about time. OK, then. Yeah. This time of year, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it just kicks my butt.

Here’s puppy waiting for a tummy rub…he doesn’t usually show his belly…

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Sorry about the private parts…his are fairly well hidden for a boy though. He’s a fairly atypical boy dog. He thinks he’s half cat for one, and I’m not sure about the rest.

OK. Well. I’m going to go carve my personal turkey (I made one for turkey sandwiches) and then come in here and iron. I’m debating walking the dogs as well, but I’d probably have to make that decision pretty soon. Ugh. Not in the mood for making decisions even. How you KNOW you need a real vacation. Funny. Someone asked me last night about vacations, but those are so outside my reality right now. Sigh. Some day.

*Arctic Monkeys, Fluorescent Adolescent (I love that I picked the exact same line in this song…)

Even If the Skies Get Rough*

Aargh. So I was not very efficient yesterday. I could blame missing the kids, I could blame post-school brain. I could just say…hey…sometimes I can’t do what I need to do. I did walk the dogs. That was good.

And I started one drawing…just in pencil, because it’s not very high on the list. It’s just in my head, so I needed to start something.

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I don’t usually start in pencil, but I needed to for this one.

Then I started one that’s been in and out of my head for about a month…maybe more.

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This will be part of my solo show at Visions next year. I’d like to get it to a point tonight where I can enlarge it to draw the rest…because no way is it going to fit on one piece of paper. I guess I could enlarge it now…maybe. I’ll think about it.

I was supposed to spend all day yesterday cutting out pieces and then starting the ironing process. That didn’t happen.

If you walk dogs, they sleep.

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I spent about an hour with Expedia and the kids trying to reroute the boychild to the girlchild. I couldn’t make it work last night, so he’s going today. Hopefully. If the universe doesn’t fuck with us again.

I did eventually start cutting stuff out…

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And honestly, I got a lot done. All that’s left are the flesh fabrics and the sun and clouds. That’s not much, but it was more than an hour’s worth, I think. So I didn’t finish it last night. Puts me behind. Sigh. Giant sigh, actually. I still need to actually grade things. So I’m going to try to double up my efficiency today to make up for yesterday’s brain.

I miss my kids. Did I say that already? Yeah. Well. Three weeks. They’ll be home then. I can do that. And hopefully sometime today I’ll start ironing this thing together. It’s easier to stay on task when I’m ironing than when I’m cutting stuff out. Cutting just feels like it takes forever. And it doesn’t.

*Jason Mraz, I Won’t Give Up

Gonna Go to the Place That’s the Best*

I know. I usually post Saturday morning. And not Sundays. But I was working with (aka following around like a puppy trying to figure shit out) the internet fixer-upper guy for over an hour yesterday to get all the pieces of equipment to talk to each other politely and consistently. He was worth every damn penny, because now everything works. Well. Until the kids get home probably, although we tested kid scenarios as well. We ran videos and Netflix in three rooms at once. So. For now, it will work.

And then I thought about writing, but I had made absolutely no art since Thursday night, so what was the point in writing about nothing? Or writing about the fact that I was on vacation, a whole week off the crazy. Honestly, I flailed about for a bit, and then managed to get my butt in here and iron stuff for over three hours. So that was nice. My brain appreciated it. Such a relief.

It took about 30 minutes before my brain fully kicked off the fuzz and detritus of school (I do still have shit to grade…let’s not kid ourselves. School cannot totally be written off, but I can certainly try to ignore it for a few days).

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Ironing the flesh and bones was a bit more complicated. There were scars and cracks, all the purples. There were only 5 actual flesh colors. And then three bone colors. I lay them all out, pulling from multiple bins, until I have all the fleshy bits on a fabric. It takes a while…I think the flesh pieces started in the 100s and finished in the 600s.

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And then I iron all of them down. Which takes a long time.

So although I’m in the 600s on the bottom part of the table, the two top rows are all the things on or near the body that aren’t supposed to be flesh-colored…like hearts and lungs and a mammogram and a bunch of other crap. Eyeballs. Teeth. So all those need to be ironed down, and that’s usually pretty time-consuming.

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So as much as I’d like to say that I’m up to the 600s, that’s not really true.

These pieces used up almost all of what I had left of this fabric.

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There’s what’s been ironed so far. I think I need a bigger box.

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And everything I’ve used so far…

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Kitten’s got it right. This is some of what I did yesterday, until the phone rang. Some survey. Nope. Not unless I can nap through it. Think I need another one today. Nap. Not a survey. I don’t ever really need a survey. Although I did this one; you should do it too. Interestingly, there were a couple of things where I actually agreed with our future Asshole-in-Chief. Like childcare and eldercare. But mostly he’s crazy. Nucking Futs as one friend says.

Sleep, Kitten. I’m sure he has issues with calicoes too, but I will protect you when they try to send you to an internment camp for your differences.

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My sarcasm abounds.

My goal is to iron more tonight, hopefully all of it, but probably not. Depends on how efficient I am, I guess. Finish ironing tomorrow and cut stuff out. Try not to read anything political for a day. Ha. Yeah. I know. Well women aren’t smart enough to understand what they’re reading, right? (Hello, Breitbart, I’m talking to you.) Oh holey moley. Sometimes it’s hard to just have a conversation with people without everyone getting angry or sad. Amazing that an election can do that.

OK. Gonna iron. Not gonna nap. Will drink more tea instead. I can nap when I’m dead. I think.

*Norman Greenbaum, Spirit in the Sky

Into the Sea of Waking Dreams*

It’s a survival day. I’m tired, I’m emotional (for a variety of reasons, none of them particularly clear or definitive), the kids are psychotic (anyone who’s ever been on a school campus the day or so before a week off knows what this looks like…it’s worse than the day after Halloween), and I just want it to be done. I want everything to just stop for a while and leave me alone so I can think. And maybe read my book. Because it’s good but really long and I want to finish it before the damn library steals it back from me. It’s digital, so they can actually do that, instead of my just holding on to it for an extra few days to finish it. There’s over 1000 pages in it, so that doesn’t help.

I had an artists’ talk last night…I know my brain slowed down enough that I couldn’t remember the phrase “free association”. Amusingly. Some guy came up afterward and asked if that’s what I had meant. Sure. Yeah. Couldn’t free associate free association. It was a hard lesson to teach yesterday, mostly because I knew I was being observed in my last period, which is notoriously one of my worst, but also because some days I only barely have an understanding of what I’m teaching (as I’m quickly googling sublimation because I kinda know what it is, but not well enough to explain it to 7th graders). By the end of the day, though, I had reminded myself of stuff I used to teach that was related to what we were doing…and it helped.

But exhausted. That’s the place I was…and still am. So tired it hurts to hold my eyelids up. And I can’t get the puppy to come inside this morning. He just wants to be out and running around and digging at something that was out in the yard last night. I can’t leave him out all day because of coyotes, so he’s got to come back in. Fuck.

I’m nowhere near where I wanted (needed?) to be on this quilt dammit. And that basically means I need to finish everything before Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Yeah. I know. That’s crazy talk. OK, maybe I can still have binding to hand sew at that point. So Saturday through Thursday. Probably another 8 hours of ironing, then say 6 hours of cutting, another 10 hours to iron it together, then stitch down of about 4 hours (I am totally making this shit up), then sandwich and pinbaste for an hour, then quilt for 6 hours. Sew binding on is another 2 hours for the non-handsewing part. Ha! 36 hours. OK. That’s only like 7 hours a day. Shit. OK. Sigh. It’s good to see that out in front of me.

I did iron a little bit last night…added some purples and yellows…

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Found those silly dirt pieces from the night before.

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Still need to decide what color the dinosaur is going to be.

I was tired.

Thing is, on a good day, I can work on art for 10+ hours…so maybe I just need to aim for that. And ignore the fact that I do have stuff to grade. And the house is a mess. And I have a copyediting job that’s showing up. Minor issue.

I’m still trying to persuade the dogs that it is warmer together (yeah, I had two cats with me last night in bed), but they are both wary of each other…

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Simba loves Calli’s bed and wishes he could sleep on it all night (he can’t, because he’s a destructive barky asshole at night). If Simba’s on the bed, Calli comes running to me to complain about the interloper. I try to tell her how BIG she is and how she should just lie down next to him, but it takes me forcing the issue for it to happen.

OK. 1. Survive today without crying in front of students (wow. That sounds pitiful.). 2. Make art like a crazy woman. 3. Meditate regularly. 4. Go out in nature and hike around with dogs. 5. Sleep more. 6. Fix and clean everything. Seems like a good plan for the week off.

*Sarah McLachlan, Possession