My Brain Is Like Swiss Cheese on a Good Day

Some mornings I look back on a day and want a redo. I suspect we all do. Sometimes we just want to pretend that day didn’t happen. Luckily yesterday wasn’t THAT bad. And honestly, I don’t want to do it over again because I’m just now realizing how exhausting it was. Explains why the cough is worse today and I feel more sick…I pushed too hard yesterday and my body is yelling at me because of it. Giant-ass sigh. Seriously. I’m thinking I need to be bionic or something. This morning it’s my left heel and my sinuses. Tomorrow it will be my right elbow and a twitching eyeball. Robotic Kathy sounds nice. Maybe I could send her out to do professional development today and I’ll stay home and read my book.

The day was relatively successful actually. I got 4 out of 5 classes through a sunprinting lab…in the 4th class, it had clouded over and started to rain, just a few big drops, and they whined, but I pushed them through (I am that mean…and/or motivating) and we were successful. By the last class of the day, though, it was actually raining and pretty damn dark, so we tried inside with lamps and it so did not work. So I’m gonna have to do theirs again. Don’t even look at the schedule and panic about that. I will make it work.

Then off to tutoring. My 8th period requested a video showing them everything in the current unit, which is due Monday. At first, I was like WTF, are you kidding me, and then I was like….hmmm. Good point. Kids could pause it and find their papers, because I go really fast. The kids who are always on top of it already have everything in there, so they won’t need it. That’s not who it’s for. Fuck. I hate when they’re so much smarter than I am. So I did it. But the one I did in the tutoring center was way too loud, so I came home and did another one. But I forgot to go to the chiropractor until I got home. LONG DAY FUCKS WITH MIND. Too bad…I need it. But I’ll survive until next week I guess. Then I edited another cover letter for the girlchild…have to laugh…we were both editing the same sentence at the same time. I love technology sometimes. It really does make some things so much easier than they used to be. And finally to the gym at 7 PM. Sigh. Time doesn’t stretch out enough. Except at staff meetings. And professional development. Then it’s way too long.

So I have a solo show coming up and I need a name for it (yikes!), but I’ve also somehow misplaced one of the quilts that they want for the show. Don’t panic, it’s a little one. Ever since they said they wanted it, a little part of my brain has been panicking about where the fuck it is. Most of the little quilts are in my office in a pile or hanging up, so I know where they are. A lot of them are sold (hey, by the way, if you’re browsing through my Gallery page, the 2014/2015 small quilts of birds and cats are all remakeable. Which is not a word). But this one’s not there. And I kept thinking, well, it’s fine, they’re not really going to pick that one (they did) and if they do, I’m sure it’s in that pile (it’s not) and I’m just not seeing it (nope. nopers. no way.). Then I’m thinking, holy shit, did I sell it and not remember doing that? Nah. That’s not a thing. I go back through my list of quilts, and nope. I should still have it. OK. So then I search emails, because I think I might have consigned it somewhere, but I thought I had picked all those quilts back up, but maybe it sold there? Or I didn’t get all of them? But for once, I deleted emails (seriously, I have thousands of them…why did I get efficient on those?), so I can’t find a record of what I picked up, besides the part where I have a pile of small art quilts and this one isn’t one of them.

As a side note, in the search for this quilt, I locked the cranky man cat in my daughter’s room (don’t tell her) overnight and he’s still pissed about it, so I had a conversation about following people into rooms and fucking HIDING right away so we don’t know you’re in there, you sneaky bastard, don’t fuck with me. What? These aren’t the conversations you have with YOUR animals?

And no, I’m not posting a picture of it until I find it. Because maybe you own it and I forgot and you’re going to be all sad that I don’t remember that, until you realize my brain is like swiss cheese on a good day, and like a pile of baby powder on a bad day, waiting for the wind to pick up. Except for art brain. She’s always around and wishing for more time.

So I sent an email. Hopefully the consignment place has it. If not, I can remake it. Seriously, it’s small. No biggie. Although matching fabrics might be an issue. Or not. That whole mess took a significantly long time. It was late. But I can’t go to bed without art most nights. My brain was in overdrive, I wasn’t feeling relaxed…so I traced.

I didn’t get much done. But I got something done. And that’s what I needed. I might have needed another hour of that, but it was already past midnight. So I put down all the balls that I try to keep up in the air…

Oh yeah, some small pieces there…and I went to bed. Tonight will be better. Tonight I will grade an assignment and walk the dogs and someone else will cook and I will FIND THAT DAMN QUILT if it kills me (OK, yesterday’s muscles are still complaining) and send the email list to the peeps who want it and try to come up with a title (Kathy Did Not Kill Anyone Today seems appropriate…and yet not. Wait. Seriously. I like that title. Where can I use that title.). And and and.

It’s OK. Frustration happens. It fosters change. I’ll get there…wherever there is.

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