You’ve Got Everything Behind You but Yourself*

I don’t like this morning so far. (Think positive) No cats have thrown up yet. I don’t have to deal with homeroom for two hours today. My lunch is already made. Tea is a wonderful thing.

(Ignoring the increasingly overwhelmed feeling that emanates from school and my house. Also not quite ignoring that the girlchild is currently being evacuated due to a bomb threat. This world we live in. These people. I hate thinking the only solution is to lock them up and throw away the keys.)

I managed the second-to-last trip to dump stuff at the thrift shop yesterday. There’s just two or three more bags. This is good. The driveway almost looks normal, instead of like hoarder central, as it has all summer. I didn’t manage much else in the cleaning phase though. And as I walk around, there’s still a lot to be done. I miss the boychild…he made me do it. But coming home from school at the moment…I’m just so exhausted. And I still have to deal with food. Dealing with grades on top of that is going to make it ever so much more complicated.

I did some pale yellow straight stitches and French knots in the feather stitches at the top.

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I should find a green and deal with those roses. Didn’t think about that last night. Wasn’t thinking about much of anything.

I did trace for a couple of hours…maybe not even that long. I made it to the 200s. The main female figure is done, torso anyway. Her neck and head are next…

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I stopped there because I was tired. Puppy kept me up the night before. Last night, he was better…he is a sweet asshole. Sweet at times, asshole most of the time. Definitely a character.

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That tail. So annoying. He gets stuff stuck in it and will snap at you if you try to comb it. But he’s adorable when he sleeps and plays. Until he bites.

Calli is not so adorable, just due to her size. But we still love her.

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In light of my trip around the house…it seems that I should be cleaning things tonight. Although there’s that dental appointment too. And dinner. I have to cook dinner. Ugh. I honestly don’t know how to stop feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. Yesterday I totally missed some part of an email sent out, so I forgot the stuff the kids needed (I went back for it…it wasn’t the end of the world). And I wonder when that happens if it’s just me…I didn’t read that one line. So then I question my brain. A lot. I did go back and read a bunch of emails looking for one piece of information. It wasn’t there. So it’s not just me sometimes. Give myself a break. Then I had to rush to do textbook assignments for books that are totally irrelevant (sometimes laws and governments make us do really stupid stuff…and I get why, but surely there can be adjustments when there need to be, without waiting four years to figure it out). There’s too many things. I need fewer things being hurled at me. Eight AM meetings. Sigh. How am I supposed to eat at the right time? This year. Deep breaths. It will all mellow out in a little while.

Make lists. Cross things off. Prioritize. Ignore the stupid shit. Don’t worry so much. Go make some art.

Now you know why the house is never under control. That last one. Because when the others are said and done, the last one is what keeps me sane. Or some version of that.

*Max Frost, Suspended Animation

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