We Don’t Notice Any Time Pass*

Insert pithy statement about being a middle-school teacher two days away from a week off from school. Make a Venn diagram about your feelings about the next two days versus break and your students’ feelings about the same. In your case, add in holiday stress because food, family, and travel. Then drop in some missing-your-kids feelings, because they are a million miles away. And take two Motrin for that headache that must be caused by something other than drinking heavily at night, because you didn’t.

I had plans for last night! I got about oh say maybe 45% into my plans and my brain and body gave out. So be it.

Somewhat strangely, on this day last year, I had just started ironing Wonder Under to fabric for my last quilt of 2016. Ironic that, because I did NOT start ironing last night, although that was my plan.

Here’s a puppy for you to look at, because he’s cute. He’s not actually a puppy. He’s over 2 years old. But he will probably always be the puppy because he’s small.

And hyper.

I did French knots on the righthand side to fill in some of the empty space in there.

Apparently empty space offends me. Actually, that might really be true.

I did manage to go shopping for background fabric yesterday, wash all the other things I bought (it was a weak moment), and then make piles of that and all the fabric from the last quilt that need to be put away.

So I guess there’s that, because I didn’t put any of it away. Or start ironing. In fact, I went to bed early, because I knew I’d have to be up early today for another ~~stupid~~ meeting. OK, they’re all stupid at the moment.

I couldn’t decide on a background fabric. I just knew I wanted it to be dark, and these are dark. So it will be one of them and then the other will get used for another quilt…or on the back of this one.

I wish I could say I’d get further along tonight, but I have an opening on the other side of town and it’s a lab day today (gonna melt crayons! in the name of science!), so the odds of my having any energy at all at the end of the day are decreasing rapidly. But I always have hope.

That’s how I get so much shit done. Hope. And crazyassness. Mostly the latter.

*The White Stripes, We’re Going to Be Friends

So Take That Look out of Here*

My new oatmeal tastes funny. I couldn’t find the old stuff. Instant, but low carbs. I don’t need a million carbs for breakfast, but on a cold morning, a quick and easy oatmeal is nice. So the new one, ironically, being low carb, is way too sweet. I’m sure they’ve been uber-healthy and used some fruit juice or something, but blech. Yeah I’m a diabetic who doesn’t like sweet things. More irony. So I’m forcing myself to eat it because I need food and I hate wasting food (Hello Grandma…that’s you talking)…but yikes yuck blech.

Yesterday, my students started a new unit, so I got to draw…I know how meditative that is for me, but I was noticing how it worked for them on a Monday as well…just time to sit and color. To interact with the new content merely as pictures first. They were relatively calm for a Monday after a 3-day weekend…a Monday before getting a whole week off…

It didn’t take me all day to color it…I was done in 4th period…so I could grade stuff.

But then we had a 2-hour staff meeting afterwards, watching a video. The guy we were listening to was fine, although I don’t focus well at 3 PM on a Monday after teaching all day, so I had to draw to stay awake.

It was a long video…

I’m not disagreeing with the guy…I just think I’m already trying to do what he says. Not quite at the level he does, but I’m not sure I needed a video that long to get it. I fully understand the difference between equity and equality…there just aren’t enough hours in the day sometimes to do all the things teachers are supposed to do. Teach content. Take care of their basic needs. Give them the self esteem they’re lacking. Teach them the difference between their, there, and they’re. That one alone is a bastard.

I have no great insights after all that. But it makes me feel better about how I was trying to deal with the one kid a few weeks ago.

Home to the dogs and grading a couple of assignments (I’d really love to go into the week off with no grading…which is just about impossible)…Simba got his toy to stand up.

I did two nights’ worth on this…that weird chain-stitch R shape and some pistil stitches below it.

I don’t know why the dogs were so tired…they did nothing all day…

This one is really tired apparently.

I cut out another yard, the second to last one. I should have been more focused and finished, but I wasn’t. Tonight hopefully. Although I still have to grade.

Then I can sort and start ironing to fabrics…early! That’s a plus, for once. I’m looking forward to that part.

*Big Country, In a Big Country

You Put the Load Right on Me*

‘Twas a productive weekend…I finished grading 2 or 3 assignments, didn’t finish a bunch of other stuff, hiked a mountain, cut out a ton of Wonder Under, and replaced the headlight in my car (with help). That was an achievement.

We started late…the goal? Clevenger Canyon South, apparently 4.3 miles (a fact we questioned multiple times), on a day that was supposed to be cooler than it felt. The wonder of San Diego is the temperature can be quite warm in the mountains, even in November.

We climbed a lot in the first mile…and if you’d told me I was hiking to that rock (and beyond) that you can see on the ridge, I might have given up. But no. We kept going…

Looking back here on the trail we’d been on before going down into the canyon, where it was obvious one of the fires had gone through here (2007)…

So this little guy…I just about stepped on him. He never rattled…he never even moved. I noticed him, yelled snake, moved my foot further along than I had been planning, all in a matter of seconds. Yes, I realize we’re lucky he didn’t strike…because that’s a baby rattler and he wouldn’t have known to only dump some of his venom in my calf. It would have been an interesting hike, I guess…

From further up, the canyon is down where the green is, although there was still no water.

Evidence of burn even on the rocks…

Looking to the north…

And to the south…actually, my car is way way down there…

This was our goal: two metal chairs bolted to a boulder.

And a view to die for. Well. Not die. But we were glad to get there…

It ended up being 4.65 miles, mostly up for the first 1.7 miles.

And the way down was super fast. Yes…we were to the left of that rock most of the way to the far left peak. We didn’t do the last 0.2 miles to that peak. We had the view already.

Poles were helpful on the way down. The snake was gone on the way down.

More evidence of burn…

And then this was delightful…just remember that what looks like a scary dive bar on the outside houses a lovely bar with cool refreshing drinks and snacks on the inside…

Then last night, I did some feather stitching on this, above the righthand eye.

And I cut out a bunch of this…while watching a show in Icelandic. I think I’m semi-fluent now…

I think this was actually the night before…

There’s more of that in a bit, but these photos are from the Threads of Resistance exhibit, which made it to the Original Sewing & Quilt Expo in Minneapolis, Minnesota over the weekend. As always, I’m behind the sign…

And the curtain…

I kinda wish they wouldn’t hang the signs on the quilts…

But I’m in good company back there…

So I’m a woman of a certain age…who knows if and when I will ever have another period (NOT complaining), but the app updated and now it ignores perimenopause completely. I find this highly amusing.

And kind of a metaphor for women of my age (ignored). Whatever.

I graded more videos yesterday…at 3 minutes per kid, it takes a while, so I poured a hot cup of tea and grabbed my stitching, so I could listen better. It worked.

I got the hippo done and part of the sun…

For some reason, this month’s stuff is taking forever to stitch down.

Puppy was tired…but he wanted to be near me and my Wonder Under…

Sometimes more near than others.

I did about 5 hours of cutting out yesterday and 2 the night before, so I have a hefty chunk done…ahead of schedule.

Speaking of schedules, I need to get my butt outta here and to work. More progress tonight, I’m sure.

*The Band, The Weight

Try to Steal Your Mind’s Elation*

I’m so off task at the moment. I love having an extra day…it gives me the ability to BE off task. I worked last night on school and art. I will do more art today, but so far, I’ve put dinner in the slow cooker, cleaned the kitchen, partially cleaned the floors (more later?), talked to both kids (text) and my SIL (phone), and petted all the animals multiple times. I slept in too, although that was an animal management issue. Dozed might be a better word for it.

I spent 3 1/2 hours tracing last night. I got past halfway. Far past…good times. But first, I graded by watching 56 videos of 7th-graders explaining their ideas. With a blood-orange cider to assist in the process.

And I did two nights’ worth on the right side..some French knots and another stitch whose name I can’t remember.

At some point, I’ll put together a photo slide show of all of these over the year. Because that’s a good use of my time.

Then tracing…

I got all the way through Mindhunter’s first season, and then tried to finish Genius, which makes Einstein out to be an asshole, but a genius. Hence the name.

Yes, I did trace individual teeth. I can’t explain that. I just do it. The finger wrinkles (creases? are they wrinkles or creases? hard to say) are smaller, but I do them. There’s a lot of big pieces in this thing, so I don’t feel bad about it.

I just draw what needs to be drawn.

Puppy was cold…

Her sister, not so much. She’s such a sleeping freak.

I have a lot of these piled up to cut out in the next week.

I keep track of where I am on the tracing…just the number isn’t good enough…I need WHERE the number was. So you can see I got a ton done last night…

Only 300 or so pieces left to go. Another three hours probably. I can find that today…I think. I need to take these fluff balls out for a walk at some point…

And do some schoolwork. And more housework…and maybe eat some ice cream. Although that’s probably not necessary. Enter a couple of art exhibits…that too. But also just relax and enjoy a day home with nothing that is mind-bendingly crucial to do. That’s a joy in itself.

*Red Hot Chili Peppers, Californication

Not Lesser Than

Happy Candy Day to those who celebrate it. Being a teacher today is not always the easiest thing in the world. Actually, tomorrow is worse for candy and trash. Fridays for Halloween are always best. They have the whole weekend to eat all their candy and get tired of it before coming back to school.

That said, we get to dress up…not much this year, but a little. I had an idea but then lost my roll. Oh well. It’s also the last day of the month, which means it’s almost November…that’s crazy. October is usually one of the longest months of the year, but I feel like I took a breath and it’s gone. I guess the plus is that I have some vacation days coming up, so more artmaking! Yay. Looking forward to that.

So I graded last night…I’ve been super efficient lately, so that’s nice. It feels better than being really behind.

We have a sick kitty, so there was some time last night trying to assess what her issue is and how emergency-like it is. I’m still not sure. I know the vet closes early today, so I’ll have to go tomorrow. Sigh. She’s not a happy kitty, but I can’t really say what’s wrong. And they’ll ask about her eating and peeing, and this is the cat I never see eating or peeing. She’s very secretive. Strangely, I thought she was only 10 years old, but when I was checking my records, she’s actually 12…going on 13. Yikes. So I freaked out about that for a while, because I haven’t had a lot of cats live past 13. It’s like finding out your parents were 90 years old when you were sure they were only 60. Whoops. I’m a space cadet. Anyway, lots of pets for Midnight and hopefully we’ll figure out what’s bugging her and it will be simple…after $500 of blood tests, because you know that’s how it goes.

My ex exercised the puppy yesterday afternoon, so he was asleep on my shoulder while I was worrying some of that out last night.

I did some more on the left…fly stitches…

Trying to make a shape that can be enclosed in a crazy quilt in some way. Not sure how I’m going to do that. I don’t have to know until January 1.

When my brain eventually started to behave, I grabbed the enlargements I made after school. I did one set at 250% and then realized how big the main head would be and sized it down to 200%.

Then I cut and pasted them together…they actually fit pretty well for once. I’m not even sure why sometimes it’s better than others. It could literally just be the copier I picked…or it could be some other variable. But here’s 200%…

The group I’m making this for is called Things That Matter…and I’m focusing on women’s issues again for this one. It needs to be at least 60″ wide, so I added paper on all sides to make the head not quite in the center. There’s more below her than above her.

I knew I wanted a nursing baby, so I penciled that in. I don’t always draw directly with Sharpie. At this size, there’s a lot of pencil that happens.

Then I inked in some of the basic shapes.

I’m just getting started. That was about an hour last night of drawing. I’m still letting the sides and upper area (above the shoulders) percolate. There are a lot of things in my head. As always. I’m tired of all the attacks on women in the last years, especially this year. It’s exhausting. I even had a student tell me that men work harder than women. This is a kid who is majorly failing. A boy. He said women can’t be scientists because they don’t work hard enough. I love it when a 12-year-old is sexist like that. Then I had to explain sexism, because they thought I said sexy. Whoa. No 12-year-old is sexy…sorry. Not to adults. Unless there’s something wrong with them. So that was a fun moment.

Sometimes I wonder if I have any effect on some of those boys whose cultures tell them women are lesser than. LESSER THAN. Hmnnn. That’s a place to go for a title maybe. We’ll see. Meanwhile I continue to try to brainwash them while they’re young. Respect all people, male, female, or other. No judgement on what is better. There is no better or smarter. There are those who work hard and those who work average and those who don’t work hard and those who try but can’t work hard and those who don’t try, but even they often have so many things in their heads from home and family that they honestly can’t be engaged at school. But they all have potential. And a place in our world.

Not lesser than.

Sometimes I Get a Good Feeling*

Today is finally supposed to be under 100 degrees. Hallelujah. The heat sucks energy out of me. I’m hoping to find enough of it to get me to the gym tonight, even with the remnants of this wacky virus. We’ll see. It’s been rough this week. I did pick up a copyediting job for Thanksgiving week…and maybe another one for after that. I still have to find the money to pay for college on a regular basis, so job number 3 pops up every once in a while.

I have a quilt in Quilts=Art=Quilts, which is opening this weekend at the Schweinfurth Art Center in Auburn, New York. It will be there through January 7. This one was made for a show that it didn’t get into…and it seems to be doing fine with that rejection. This is All Stacked Up in My Head.

It’s actually a similar idea to what I’m sloshing around in my brain right now…a protective goddess trying to make sure we get what we need and want. But a different image of course. Anyway. I fell asleep on the couch again last night…this cold is kicking my butt. Or it’s because of the 17 thousand things I’m trying to do during the day. Or all of the above. I know I need to get out of here early this morning for a parent meeting and duty and tracking down the principal for a question that he probably could have answered by email. Sigh.

I finally got my act together (seriously, I was grading stuff that’s killing me because I have to look up all the chemical and physical properties of most of the elements just to make sure the kids followed instructions, and then I was trying to write a study guide and found a different version of the quiz from last year and I don’t even know why, so my brain exploded for a while. NO. Teachers NEVER STOP WORKING. Sigh. Double sigh.).

So I wasn’t going to draw, but then my stubborn-ass art brain made me. I had another idea for the quilt, so I started with that…the bubble and the hands…and apparently the cat next to me.

Because when it’s hot, I want a furry beast right next to me. NO! I want it ON me. That’s the puppy earlier.

This is where I got. And it’s not going to work.

I mean, maybe it’ll work for something else. But not this. It’s OK. This is a process. Not every drawing for a quilt spills out of me in one go. I’m enjoying just drawing a little bit anyway. Tonight we try again! Really. We do. After grading. And maybe another nap. No! I’m going to the gym, remember?

*Pretty Lights, Finally Moving

Left You with Nothing but They Want Some More*

So let’s see if I can get my brain in gear today and actually publish the post once I write it. Certainly today should be shorter, fewer meetings (only slightly). It will also hopefully be cooler by 5 degrees, topping us out at 100 degrees instead of 105…in a fire alarm evacuation…apparently due to burnt popcorn. You’d think after so many years at that school it would have happened before? We used to have the fire alarm pull by the door and some jerky kid would pull it for fun. That was always a joy. I’m supposed to try to get my flu shot today, but with two parent meetings and duty before and after school, that might be tricky. We’ll see. I’m not sure I should get the shot when I’m still recovering from whatever the hell this virus is. Google says I’m fine as long as I’m not feverish, and I think I’m past that. I’m in the snotty nose rough throat phlegmy stage. Not quite well yet.

Hopefully soon.

After the school board meeting last night, where we voiced concerns that all the extra work we do is invisible–certainly it seems that way when we see what they offer us–I came home and emailed one of the board members who yelled out at us as we left that we should stay until the end so we could hear what he thought. Ten-hour day asshole. Seriously. I don’t know if emailing politicians helps, but I’ve been doing it for other stuff…now it’s spilling over. Maybe he’s forgotten that teachers vote.

I wanted to draw last night. First I did this…filling in on the right side. It’s so big now that I really should remember detail pictures all the time.

That’s kinda how I felt…Calli’s got it right.

But I eventually drew…without Calli’s help…

Honestly, I’m not sure this is the way it’s really gonna go. I have some other ideas…I want to work some of them out…but it’s a start.

I may combine a few starts or start again or I don’t even know. I just know I drew. And now I’m gonna cough up some phlegm and teach more science and go to two parent meetings and maybe get a flu shot if I can slot that into a day that’s already overflowing. Drawing on the couch tonight though. I can look forward to that. And continuing to get somewhere close to healthy.

*Feist, 1234

At Night the Crickets Creepy*

Well. After a 10-hour day at work (ugh), I realize that although I wrote this well before I left for school, I never hit the final publish button. I do that now. Tired. Yup. But still gonna aim to draw. Even badly. Bad drawing is better than no drawing.

I’m sitting here trying to get enough tea in me to be functional (let’s be real…semi-functional)…the cold/viral thing is starting to wane, although I mostly collapsed after work yesterday for about an hour. And I’m texting my kids back and forth until they start having a discussion of how to write about torture (ah college…the things you have to write about)…and then I’m really out, because I don’t know that I could ever be pro torture. And honestly I don’t know much about it. Sure, there’s torturing pedophiles and crazy dictators and maybe even the current president (although you know he wouldn’t last long, the big baby)…and since the kids are obviously having this discussion because someone has an assignment due, I’m OK just watching them converse 3000 miles away. I miss them. Lots sometimes. Although I have nothing to add to this discussion but that torture is mean and we shouldn’t do it.

So where am I today? I finished ironing all the fabrics down for the little quilt last night. It’s really not THAT little, but compared to the last one…it’s small. I’m not going to keep going on it right now. I really really really need to start drawing the next one tonight. Somewhere I need to find the brain power for it. So expect a lot of bad starts and flailings on paper with Sharpie tonight. Woo! It’ll be great. Seriously. Maybe it will just spill out of me. Sometimes it does.

More stuff on the right, filling in spaces…

The parental dog is nervous about the new cat…

Satchemo is not scared of Katie.

I started ironing late…had paperwork, school stuff, other crap to deal with…but I didn’t have much left to iron, so I was pretty sure I could finish.

Here’s all the fabrics I used. I really did think it was gonna all be bright colors. It’s hard to know what it will actually look like from this though, because it doesn’t show the mix…there’s a lot of blue in this. The purples take up a lot of space. The browns are all in one section. Same with the yellows really.

There’s the pile…let’s see how long before I actually cut them out.

I did pick up my most recent quilt from the photographer…first one ever with a gun in it? I think? First one on a beige background, that’s for sure. If that’s important…

I’m glad she’s done.

It was difficult to draw it, to make it, to quilt it. Sigh.

Probably not picking this one for my profile picture any time soon.

Although those are my kids, my students. Even the annoying ones. We’d protect all of them.

Still gotta write a coherent statement on that one. Tonight. I’ll do that tonight. After teaching all day, meeting with admin, duty before and after school in 103-degree temperatures, tutorial, and protesting at a school board meeting. Yeah. It’ll be fine. Really. It will.

I guess it’s good I had another project that was at a good place for occupying my brain for a week or so. It didn’t seem ready to move on right away.

So this was my crew last night.

I told them it was bedtime. Some were more ready for it than others. I get it. I was ready. I’m ready again right now, but it’s morning again, so I can’t really go back to bed. Yet. (growth mindset…that’s a teacher joke.)

Art. Tonight we draw. We draw even if we don’t feel like it. We draw to get to the drawing we need to draw.

*Squeeze, Pulling Mussels from the Shell

I Recognize the Walls Inside*

Still sick…although functional. We’ll see how functional after I have to talk all day, right? And stand up for hours. Sick days are a joke. We had 3 teachers out on Friday and only one sub showed up. That’s our reality…and teaching science means even less of a chance they’ll show. I can let it be chaos in the classroom and have the kids get nothing done, or I can push on through. I think I’m better anyway…not well, just better. That’s a plus.

More stitching on the right side…realizing in two months, it will be done, so what shape do I want? I don’t think it will be square, filling the whole thing. That’s a consideration.

Sleepy tired puppy.

I made it into the studio for a little while yesterday, just over an hour. My parents’ dog Katie was in there too. Or is it Katey? I’m never sure. With dog names, you can never tell…my daughter’s dog is Calli, not Cali, because it’s short for Calliope, not California.

Too much information. Here’s the fabrics I’ve used so far…

Not as colorful as I originally planned…it will be lots of blue in the end. Blue on blue with a hint of blue.

Here’s the pile so far.

I’m actually almost done…could easily finish tonight…so I probably will, depending on how I feel. I did get the OK to change my focus for the next quilt, so drawing that is on my list for the week…gotta get going on that one. I have a fairly free week coming up, although grading is a priority. I did a lot of that over the weekend too, although never enough. Gotta get my focus on. It helps to be well, doesn’t it? I think it might. I think I’ll try that later this week…

*Natalie Merchant, I May Know the Word

I Can Do No More

Well. So. Some days you just write off. I did get some of this…

IMG_8528 small

And honestly, that’s a good thing. I tried grading (almost fell asleep doing it), I tried reading the book I’m supposed to be reading for school (more almost falling asleep), I hung out, I went to book club, but mostly just to hang out. I’m tired and stressed and cranky and overwhelmed and worried about getting the next drawing done and a whole bunch of other shit.

So today is going to be better. I’m going to hang out and do some hobby sewing and then come back and maybe grade a little and then work on the ironing of this small quilt to fabric so I can start drawing on Saturday or Sunday. Don’t look at the calendar for the next week, because it’s ugly. I’m gonna do what I can do. I can do no more.