You Understand They’ve Got a Plan for Us*

I’m realizing this week that I’m not coming home and doing schoolwork. I’m not grading assignments. I’m not being a responsible teacher person. I’m behind and need to get caught up, but I’m not doing it. I will. But this project is driving me. I need it done and out of my head and at the photographer’s so I don’t have to think about it, see it, feel it any more. Plus I’m going a little bonkers because my co-conspirator in furry beast maintenance is not here this week and said furry beasts are being more than a bit demanding.

So yesterday I went to the gym. That was good. I read. I exercised. I zoned out in exercise brain. It’s a good thing.

And then I came home, peed the dogs (which currently requires a couple of leashes and a flashlight due to coyote incursions and massive spider webs), then started part of dinner, showered, came out and checked the timer on the food (16 minutes) and cleaned the entryway floor for later artistic shenanigans. It might be the only way that floor gets cleaned regularly, honestly, because it’s never high on my list. Finally food was ready and I ate and read some more. I do love to read.

Then I had no choice but to get in here and get this thing sandwiched. Huge as it is, this was gonna be a pain.

Iron backing. Trim selvages. Cut in half. Sew halves together. Iron some more. Trim excess off.

Lay it upside down on the now-clean entryway floor (barely fits). Tape it down as flat as possible (replacement floor in here should be tile…but bigger tiles and less obvious grout).

Try to figure out how much batting to cut by laying the top out on the chunk of batting I found over the weekend. Cut batting a bit larger than the top.

See seriously sleeping dog.

Lay batting out. Iron quilt top and lay it out on top. Try to get it straight. Wish I cut the backing a bit larger to make that easier. Duh.

Stare at it for a bit. Realize it’s after 11 PM and you will need to finish pinning before you can go to bed. Accidentally spill all the pins onto the quilt. Not what you meant to do.

Start pinbasting. Look at this view. Disturbing.

That dog. Seriously.

Then this one…he’s never seen me do this before. All the cats have an interesting relationship with my quilts. This one wouldn’t listen when I told him to get off.

The cats never do listen.

This one has learned to stand at the edge and woof at me. Wait. That’s not a cat. And you saw the other dog. Totally ignores me.

Pinbasted by midnight. Ready for quilting. Getting close to the end. Closer anyway. I don’t kid myself…quilting and binding this sucker is going to take a while. No shortcuts on that part.

I head for bed. Kitten. You need to move.

I’m tired this morning. And none of the grading got done. Oh well. I worked for 3 hours last night on that quilt. Sometimes that amazes me. I worked all day in the classroom, went to a meeting after school, the gym for almost 2 hours, and then 3 hours of artmaking. I really wanted to sit and watch some light TV and draw with a glass of wine last night after all that kneeling and crawling around on the floor, but then I looked at the clock and it was almost midnight…so I went to bed anyway. Probably the smarter thing to do, but I still want that other time. Maybe tonight? Or not. That really is the part of the balance I haven’t been able to slot in. Teachers. Silly teachers. Always talking about balance and never achieving it. Sigh.

*Big Data, Dangerous

I Can’t Operate on This Failure*

I’m ready to be Australia. Well. Except for some of the crazy bugs and spiders. Y’all can keep those. But let’s hand in all the guns. I think the biggest obstacles are the politicians who are more worried about their jobs than their constituents. No automatic or semi-automatic weapons…can you really argue that we need those? You do realize people in Australia can still own a gun, right? There are just strict rules for how and what. I have no problems with strict rules. Can you argue that your right to protect yourself is more important than my approximately 3,300 students’ (over 15 years) right to live? Or the 58 people who died in Vegas? Or the 49 who died in Orlando? Or any young black man wearing a hoodie?

The plus is that I finished stitching down the anti-gun quilt. Let’s be clear…my quilt is Anti-GUN. Because we don’t need them. Not in the numbers we have them. Not for what they’re being used for. Not. I just (in less than 5 minutes) contacted my three federal representatives. Told them to stand up and create legislation and keep fighting for it until it passes. Start there. You can do that.

This is who stares at me on the way home…after I pick her up…

She wants to know why I’m not petting her. And then why I’m not throwing the ball faster.

Still working on the eyeball in the top right. It doesn’t look like much right now.

Then I stitched. Well, I made dinner first. And finished my book…The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet. I liked it. And then I read some Goodreads reviews and felt bad for liking it. And then decided those people had no lives and I was allowed to like it. So there.

Stitching things down…

Sometimes I really hate America for its aggressive patriotism. I’ve been told so many times to LEAVE because I don’t agree with the majority…and I explain that is why we are here…because our ancestors didn’t agree with the majority and needed to flee…so we took over someone else’s country in a particularly nasty and violent way (somehow it was our inalienable right? I don’t think so…). So I mostly write off anyone who tells me I’m not patriotic when I object…it’s the core part of our country. I’m allowed.

Ah…this thought bubble. Why do people shoot other people up? Anger? Hate? Fear? Core emotions…that mature brains can learn to manage.

In a society that appreciates that. Yesterday, in the assignment we’re doing in class, I had told each class “no weapons” for their element superhero. One class started to argue…and I turned and said, “Really? After Las Vegas, you’re going to argue that you need weapons? Solve the problem without them. That’s what I want to see.”

Seriously. America. Solve the problem without guns. Do it. You know you can. We have some of the best brains in the world. Use Them. If you’re a politician scared for your job, then GOOD. Do it anyway. It’s worth it.

I did finish the stitch down, just short of 6 hours.

The face of gun violence here in America…tonight I’ll sandwich it and pinbaste it…maybe even start quilting. We’ll see. Meanwhile, I started reading a book about violence in Africa. Maybe I should look for something lighter after that.

*Tears for Fears, Pale Shelter

Dreaming of the Dolphin Song*

I think I have now yelled at every animal in the house…well, except Kitten. No. Wait. Yeah, she hissed at me and tried to bop me. I’ve called all of them assholes. Part of it is that I’m the only human here and it shows. The other part is waking up to a massive shooting event just hours after a conversation with my parents about guns in America vs elsewhere. In fact, if I’d checked the news before I went to bed, I probably wouldn’t have slept.

I don’t pray. But Vegas, you have all my good thoughts, all my hopes that the death toll doesn’t rise, that there’s some sort of explanation for this. Who am I kidding? There is no explanation for this. None. I’d like to think that things might change because of this, that those with guns might see the light. But no. They won’t. It’s not THEEEEMMMM. It’s only the OTHER PEOPLE with guns. Fuck.

I am going to be glad when this quilt is done.

So here’s the random shit in my brain this morning. Because my brain is wandering. Saw this…

Fucked up.

Then there was this. I guess that’s supposed to be an exoskeleton. Or someone doesn’t know that spiders don’t grow bones. Hard to say.

This is when Satchemo was being nice. There were not nice issues later.

I was grading stuff and some kid gave me this. Honestly, it reminded me of the boychild, who often peppers text conversations with puppies and kittens. Ironically.

Good kid. I sewed after dinner. While someone mowed down concertgoers, I stitched down pieces in an anti-gun quilt.

I sewed down a bullet trail and bullets.

I didn’t get to the hand that tried to stop the bullets unfortunately. I did sew down all of the female figure and a good portion of the chalkboard behind her.

I’m using the third trial app for measuring time. I don’t know if I like it yet, but that’s because I still have only one task on it and it’s taking a little bit to get used to it. I need certain information out of it. So we’ll see. I haven’t upgraded yet…waiting to see if it will work for me.

Kitten was waiting for me when I went to bed.

I tried to go to bed early. Didn’t work. Didn’t sleep well either. Need to leave soon. Feeling out of it.

I did spend some time yesterday pricing out what I want to do in shelves in my office to replace the cracking old plastic drawers…it’s only $864. No biggie. Yeah. OK. Moving on. And that’s with 25% off. Then I looked at my mom’s, which is still Elfa, but a cheaper solution than what I had figured out. I’ll price that one too, but it might be a while before I solve that problem.

Tonight? Walk dogs, cook dinner, pet cats, then sew some more. I don’t think I’ll finish tonight, but maybe? Unlikely. Sigh. Guns. Fuckers with guns.

*Regina Spektor, Folding Chair

Long Ago Somebody Left with the Cup*

I’m a little slow today…Saturday mornings should involve sleep and multigrain pancakes and some book reading and the petting of furry beasts. I did already check my batting and backing stash and I have enough for this one…so I can sandwich it on demand, whenever I finish the stitch down. I still need thread, but I can do that tomorrow. I have stuff I can use for the outlining…just the background is that weird brown color and brown is not something I usually use.

No, I didn’t get anything done on it yesterday…yesterday was tiring and then we gamed…yes, I do sew while gaming…

Especially when I’m really tired, because it helps keep me awake and focused on the other stuff. I have a brain that requires multiple levels of entertainment.

I really love how this is turning out. I finished the seed stitch all over the elephant and then embellished the moon.

All I have left is those weird flowers and May is done. I’ve been getting April ready to go…one of the three blocks is ready to be embellished. The others still have some wool stuff that needs to be stitched on…just little things though. Then I’ll try to do the months in order. I promise.

So I’ll start stitch down in a little bit…I was trying to deal with some work stuff this morning. And getting the kids home for the holidays. And considering how to get the girlchild to Madagascar, assuming that’s where she’s going in Spring. Talk about a hellish flight situation. Anyway. All that is done. It’s good. It was weighing on me. I’ll still have to deal with the international stuff once we have confirmation.

Someone asked about the symbols on arms in the new piece…some are pretty obvious. The others might not be.

The female (teacher) figure has an apple and Teach America…pretty blatant.

And a peace symbol. Because. Yeah.

The male figure has a rifle sight image…I found a lot of versions of these online.

And one of the NRA logos. Their lobbying for gun rights here are unfortunately very well-funded.

This is another gun sight. The gray arm in the middle is trying to protect her, but obviously failing…gray for neutral. Because I think the American government is refusing to take a stand (it’s too political) and yet wants to protect the innocents from these shootings. But it isn’t doing (really) anything to make that happen, so they might as well be placing gun sights on all those populations that keep getting targeted…schools specifically, because that’s my own regular experience with these conversations. Talking to 12-year-olds about guns at school. Giant ass sigh. Not teaching science, but death avoidance.

But the government, in refusing to act against big lobbies and gun-happy populations, to do what is best for everyone, with evidence from other countries who HAVE limited gun purchases, have placed those gun sights on many groups…people of color, those in the wrong place at the wrong time, victims of domestic violence, people who just happen to be in a theater when a crazy person who got hold of a gun got pissed off, or a business where someone worked and got mad and got even. Sigh. Seriously, America, get your priorities straight. Humans over gun rights. Hands down.

OK. Gotta get some work done.

*Cake, The Distance

Now the Party’s Over*

OK. Last night was the night. It’s when I finally saw the whole thing ironed out. We’re good. I really should trust my instincts after all these years, but there’s often that moment of uncertainty when I’m not sure it’s gonna work.

Before I ever started ironing last night, though, I packed a quilt up for Quilts=Art=Quilts so I could ship it this morning. And then I went to my quilt meeting…although I should probably stop labeling it with the word ‘quilt’ because half the people knit. Let’s call it a String Meeting. A friend I used to work with always asked me how my string things were going, because another friend at work knitted and I quilted and he could never remember which was which, but he knew they all used strings.

Because this quilt was at a stage that is not transportable, I took my handwork with me. I needed to get the wool pieces sewn down for April (yes, I’m working on May…I’m a little wombly sometimes). These are two of the three blocks, but there’s a bunch of pinky-red flower dots that have to be sewn on, plus I had to find the eyeball fabric when I got home. So luckily I’m still working on the May elephant block, because these aren’t ready. But soon.

Then I headed into the studio and pieced a backing, shoved the ironing board and chairs out of the way (I should have kicked them out of the studio), and threw the whole thing down on the floor.

Sometimes it’s a mistake to try to iron a big quilt down on the floor in there, so I do it in the entryway, but it was almost 11 and I didn’t want to mop the floor, because it was pretty dirty. Luckily it worked…I managed to line up the male’s head and gun with the hole in the chalkboard (note to self…no need for a hole there…if I’d drawn it all behind the gun, I wouldn’t have had to worry about it). I also managed to get everything else flat. Miraculous really.

Midnight was no help.

And then I spent about 40 minutes with a spray bottle and a hot iron, trying to make sure it would stick long enough for me to stitch it down…which I could start tonight, if it wasn’t gaming night. Surely I will start tomorrow.

It’s hanging up there and it’s too big for the space, so that’s a seriously wonky picture. But it’s gonna work. Outlining in the quilting for sure. No way do I have a thread that color…so this weekend, check batting and backing, and buy thread.

I’m sort of amazed by how hard this has been to make. I started teaching at age 35, recently divorced, with two little kids. The school where I started had very little support for new teachers. I had another science teacher I connected with who helped me a lot, but she has since quit. Nine days after I started my first job, two students brought a gun on campus to kill a teacher who “gave” one of them an F. Another kid snitched. I hate that word. I love that she told someone responsible. But those were the days before lockdowns. I remember at lunch, alone in my room, seeing kids running for the back part of the school in a huge bunch, but no one told us what was happening. I went home clueless…until I was watching the news last night and they broke the story.

There was no shooting. As far as I know, the teacher never came back. The gun never made it into the classroom…it was hidden on campus. That was a Friday. Eventually they called an emergency meeting for Monday morning. And that’s when lockdown drills started here in San Diego…or soon after. It was 3 years after the Santana High School shooting, back when these things were not so commonplace. I had a hard time dealing with the situation. It was hard for me to think that I might not make it home to my own very small (at that time) children because of something like that. And I have to say, that feeling has never gone away. I do still go back to school every day. Why? Because of the kids.

I’ll write later about a conversation I had last year with my students…which is also what this is about.

Deep stuff. Stitch down this weekend. Then sandwich and quilting.

*Roxy Music, Avalon

Fake It if You Feel Like Infection*

My brain doesn’t know where to start. I’m listening to Talking Heads. I finished grades yesterday afternoon (I think…I’m always paranoid I missed something). My lunch is put together. All the animals are fed and medicated and settled…well, no, I had to go get the Golden Retriever because she’s being destructive. Paper is her issue. She likes to rip it up and eat it. Nice habit. I need to leave for work in about 25 minutes. I’m fed. I obviously don’t have enough caffeine in me.

Girlchild has been in Copenhagen for 5 or 6 days…her school had a few days off and she and a friend found a cheap flight, so they’ve been living it up in a tiny bedroom belonging to some young couple and their kid. I hear from her a couple times a day, so I know she’s alive. Boychild complains about the weather and sends comics. I know he’s alive. That’s all good.

I’m trying to finish up this quilt so I can move on to another more lighthearted one. Ha! Because the next one is about climate change, and that’s still depressing. Sigh. I did enter another show last night and there’s another few coming up in the next month. My solo show comes down in a week and a half, so all those quilts are coming back here. I didn’t expect to sell anything big, unfortunately…it’s a harder sell. The little ones are safe and relatively cheap. Time is worth money. I’d rather have the quilt than be underpaid for my time.

So finishing grades at work yesterday meant I came home and totally spaced out for at least an hour or so before I came in here and started ironing. I think I made dinner first. Can’t remember. Oh wait. I entered the show, THEN made dinner, and THEN ironed. I have half a brain. I wanted to walk the dogs, but it was hot. Bleck.

I’m considering a change to the head with the target…I didn’t purposely pick head colors…just wanted a variety. And this is less about the colors of specific students and more about all students as a whole. So I’m debating how to deal with that. I have a couple of ideas…one is embroidery and the other is more random. I’m letting it percolate.

The chalkboard…you know, the thing teachers don’t use any more.

The head goes in…

And the writing. The date is the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting…that event had a huge effect on my local school district…it’s when we started locking the campus, fencing it all in, locking our doors for that 6 months afterward because the kids were so freaked out. So were the parents (and the teachers), but we do this stuff for the kids.

Some more stuff on the board…

And that arm in place…

Finally working on the last figure…some may be offended by the American flag, but I think we have a deeply rooted issue with guns that you don’t see in other countries. This school shooting problem is a purely American construct. From Columbine on, we keep seeing these shootings occur and we don’t do anything to stop them.

As a teacher, I have some issues with that. More about that later.

Anyway, I have about 110 pieces left to go, and then I hope it all fits together…it could be a little wiggy where all the hands meet bodies. Hopefully that’s tonight…ironing it down to the background. We’ll see.

*Seether, Fake It

Your Conscience Will Be Mine*

Grades are almost done…they’re close enough that I could ignore them last night and iron for a few hours. That’s how you know you’ve done it right. I’m up early for a parent meeting…I don’t really like morning meetings. I’m not fully functional even with a cup of tea in me. I need time and space to get my head in the right place to teach, to get my classroom ready, and morning meetings fuck with that. It’s better than the days my school day started at 7:25 AM though, so I am glad of that.

I managed three nights’ worth on this…blue, white, and peach down in the bottom left, a variety of stitches…some lazy daisies, straight stitches, fly stitches, and French knots…whatever it took to fill the space. Chain stitches too…

Then filling in the elephant…that might take a while.

Then I came home and ironed…got the face done. The eyes are always a bit fussy. I don’t like ironing one down to the face until I have both of them and I can place them together.

It can be a bit fidgety sometimes, getting them in the right place that is…

And then it gets dark. This is a dark quilt. There’s no doubt about it. I guess many of my quilts are challenging, but this is straight up painful to think about and to make. So maybe that’s why I’m so troubled about whether it says what I want it to say.

I finished the head and the arm in the middle…gray, not flesh. I guess people will read that however they need to.

I’m 500 pieces in…only have 360 or so to go. So hopefully by Tuesday night I’ll be ironing it to the background, and then maybe stitching down after that. It’s big, so that part will take a while. I think I’m about 7 hours in on the ironing. I can’t check right now…my phone is in the other room charging…I’m not sure why it wasn’t charged this morning, but it wasn’t. Weird. Hopefully this is not a sign that the phone is dying early.

This morning’s reward for having to be up too early…

May the rest of the day follow that with abandon.

*Adam and the Ants, Stand and Deliver

Everyone’s Taking Everything They Can*

So everything I was supposed to do last night got canceled, and I ended up with a free evening. Which is strange. So like any good teacher worried about grades, that’s what I did first…but it was good, because I got an entire assignment out of the way and in the gradebook. I’m feeling much better about progress report grades being due next week now. I’ve got one major assignment, but I’m just over halfway through grading it, and I think I can get a chunk done at school today (I hope), so that will help. I don’t want a weekend full of grading. I’m trying to avoid it.

Never look a bunch of cancellations in the mouth? Just go for it?

It meant I was back to art stuff pretty early…well, early for me anyway. When I sat down on the couch, there were three animals with me in about 14 seconds flat…Satchemo, looking plaintive.

Calli, who is finally feeling better, and Simba with his bone…

Seriously, Satchemo always looks a bit plaintive.

Mostly it’s because he does not get all the food and all the pets.

Two nights’ worth on here…in the bottom left still…the pink lazy daisies and fly stitches, and then the flowers in a slightly different pink.

I have to decide on how to add another thing, a motif. And what to add.

I did finish cutting out finally…it’s a good thing I didn’t try the night before, because it took another hour and a half, for 14 hours total.

A lot of bigger pieces…filling up the box.

At that point, it was just after 11 and I was trying to decide…do I sort tonight? Well yes, I do. It’s easier to do that and then start clean tonight with ironing.

It took just under an hour to sort them all…not bad.

Nine bins full of pieces ready to be ironed together. I’ll hopefully start tonight and get some done this weekend. I do want to do some enjoyable things this weekend too, though, so that will be on the agenda. I’ve read another 17 articles about teacher work/life balance (it must be September!). It’s a myth that you can ever have that with this career and do a decent job of it…but certainly you should always be carving out time for self and friends and family. Carve is the appropriate term too…with a rather sharp, nasty, and dangerous sword.

Good news though…three pieces are in an upcoming local show at the Rose Gallery, located at Francis Parker School…so yeah, no nudity! And I had three of them. Miraculous. The opening is November 16…put it on the calendar. They do a lovely reception and it’s a beautiful space…it’ll be the first time I’ve had work there. It’s all good…persuades me to enter yet another show.

I don’t actually need persuading. I know better than to look at any one (or series of) rejection(s) and take any life’s purpose from that.

*Zero 7, In the Waiting Line

Laughed as My Body She Lifted*

So the dog is feeling better…she finally ate something this morning. That’s a relief. Although she’s back on meds. I’m currently negotiating with the two cats in my office. One doesn’t understand personal space apparently. They’re semi-squealing at each other. Really? Knock it off.

Yesterday was too long and stressful, although I was efficient until about 10 PM. Then it all fell to hell. Not surprisingly. I guess I’m not Superwoman. Oh wait. I already knew that.

I’m back up early today for another meeting. I’m not sure why some people assume everyone functions in the morning. I do on here, but this is light and pictures and words typed on a keyboard. I don’t have to really talk to anyone except in my head. I did a lot of that yesterday, talked to people while I was driving around to all the things, chiropractor, vet, and an art meeting. Ugh. I’m not happy about a couple of things at school and it’s dragging me down. I know my counselor would say to knock it off and I’m trying, but I’m just not happy about it at the moment.

Ahh…sigh. Just ignore for now. Get shit done. Hope the rest disappears or changes.

I finally sat down around 10:30 or so to cut stuff out…

IMG_7957 small

Yeah. You’d think I would have finished. And I thought about it. But I was really tired and knew I had to be up early today. So I tried to be a responsible adult. I have 12 1/2 hours into the cutting. I suspect there’s less than an hour left in there. It’s busy today and tonight, and grades are due soon, but my plan is to finish cutting those and then sort them so I can iron tomorrow night.

Now that’s exciting, isn’t it? I think so. Meanwhile, I’m still waiting to hear if I have to make another piece sometime before January 1 (it’s not on my calendar! And I don’t know how I’ll pull it off if I have to…). And I’m waiting to hear about a show. And I really just want to run away to somewhere kinda cold and rainy or warm and tropical and just make a bunch of art while someone else teaches science and grades a million things and cleans up dog vomit and tries to manage a bunch of people. Is that an option? Nope. Probably not.

*Natalie Merchant, Wonder

Face Away and Pretend That I’m Not*

Grades are due in a week…it’s part of why I put my head down and put in 10 or so hours this weekend. I got some significant stuff out of the way, but there’s more in the classroom. That plan to spend an hour on the deck drawing? Well it turned into a half hour of talking and a glass of wine, but that was fine. I forget to take that time for myself…there’s always something dragging me back into what I have to do…so it was nice to have someone else remind me. Yo! Go sit outside and relax!

I’m not great at that.

So I didn’t get as much art done as I wanted to, but it’s coming…this is a busy week with lots of meetings, so who knows what’s going to happen. I’d like to be done with the cutting sooner rather than later, but I can’t guess how much longer it’s going to take. I’m over 6 hours in now and it doesn’t seem like I’m half done…although I did a bunch of tiny pieces yesterday and I feel like the rest is mostly larger pieces, so maybe I am halfway? Hard to say.

Lots of numbers and letters…this bit took forever and fussy little scissors.

You can see them all there…the little triangles will wait to be cut out until I’m ready to iron them down. They get lost too easily.

So here’s where I’m at…trash box at the top…to-be-cut-out on the left, and stuff I’ve cut out on the right. It seems like there’s still more in the to-be-cut box than the cut box…so I guess I still have a lot to go.

Usually cutting out takes less time than ironing, so this being halfway would make sense…and big pieces are generally easier to cut out than the fussy little ones.

We’ll see. I’ll be lucky to get 2 hours in tonight…Tuesday might be a little better. Wednesday for finishing? Eh. Maybe Thursday. But ironing together by the weekend? Maybe even Friday night? That would be nice…this thing is taking longer than I thought it would.

Cat standoff…

Things are getting slightly better. Less growling. Not getting along yet per se, but hey, we’ll take what we can get.

Still working on this…filling in the left bottom. I did a pink and a maroon, lots of French knots and some chain stitch.

Soon I’ll have to decide what to do with the rest of the left side.

Puppy sleep.

Spending the whole weekend working makes my brain fuzzy…seriously. It does. Aaugh. This job. It really does try to take over everything. I guess the art is kinda the same way, but I prefer that. Almost every waking moment thinking about art? Not a problem. Maybe it’s because school is such an impossible problem and art is a solution to me.

*Linkin Park, Faint