No One Told Me About Her*

I have these goals to go on long hikes on the weekend or go hang out at the zoo (new passes for Christmas) or sit down on the deck and do a new drawing (that’s a perennial goal for me), but often it just ends up being the grocery store and the compost bin and maybe laundry if I’m really organized. I have two openings coming up in LA, and the thought of having to drive all the way up there and back in a day is disheartening…although I’m gonna do it. Twice. Which means having to plan ahead for the school stuff I normally do on the weekend.

It’s not that I’m not getting anything done…I just always want it to be more. And I forget how much energy school sucks out of you (I have three THREE parent meetings this week…for parents who just figured out their kids are failing. Sigh. I guess I’m glad they figured it out.). Meetings and grading and explaining and planning and grading and sending the parent email (I did that at 11 PM last night. Normally I do it today, but I’ll be in a car for a significant portion of the day.). It’s supposed to be almost 90 degrees here today, but my feet are freezing. I should go sit on the deck. Really. It’s warm out there.

I am glad to say that I finally finished the quilting on the small quilt.

The lighting in here seems worse than usual…so quilting during the day is easier (although impossible during the week). I’ve been considering pulling this room apart at the beginning of summer, removing wallpaper, replacing flooring, painting the whole thing, maybe a new window, take the TV I never watch out and put more shelves in, replace a bunch of plastic drawers with something more sturdy and wall to ceiling, maybe even put in French doors instead of the sliding door so I can get more air in here…or something. But I don’t think I can afford it. I can think about it though and price shit out and see if it’s something I can do in the future.

At some point, I won’t be paying for college any more.

This was really quick to quilt because it’s small. The tree leg was the most complicated bit. It was only 4 hours and 45 minutes total.

But it was just big enough that I wouldn’t have enough fabric for binding…I generally buy half yards, and that’s what this was going to take.

But nothing worked. OK. Don’t lie. You didn’t even try. You wanted to go to the fabric store. It’s true. I haven’t been there in a while. I like the fabric store.

Here she is trimmed…

About 36 x 42″ or so. So I made a trip to the store and put all that in the wash…

Then settled down to some TV and finishing this finally. Packed up all three blocks to send back to Social Justice Sewing Academy…

And then graded for a while last night…cleared out all the makeup work (37 emails) and input those, plus pulled grades for another assignment from the website. I don’t have to grade anything but the last question…and then it gives me the score. Easy peasy.

Then heard briefly from the girlchild. With 11 hours difference, her day is my night etc. But this morning, I heard a lot. I’m going to let her tell her own story on her blog, though, although she’ll need wifi to get that posted. There are two posts so far, but she’s got another two written and ready to post. You can read her here if you want…all I can tell you know is that this is her bed in her host family’s house…and she’s feeling a little overwhelmed. (The bed alone would do that to me.)

I remember doing this…barely knowing the language, staying in a strange house. It’s hard. But worth it. I hope she feels better after a long night’s sleep. She’s trying to learn two languages at once and adjust to a new place and not get sick. Hard stuff. Makes me appreciate my host family even more. They were really easy compared to some.

Here’s the fabric I bought after they came out of the washer. I didn’t allow myself to wander and shop much. I didn’t have much time and I don’t have much money. Although! The first check for the commission piece showed up yesterday, so I’m going to be starting tracing Wonder Under tonight! That’s actually exciting. I’m looking forward to it. In fact, I got some of the purplish fabrics for the spacey bit I think. Or I just liked them. Yeah that’s it.

There’s the one I picked for the binding. I actually picked two, but couldn’t decide until I got home. The store was full of people, so I didn’t feel super comfortable throwing my naked climate chick out on the floor and trying binding fabrics out around her.

Sometimes you just have to buy more than one and decide in the peace and quiet of your own home.

So now I have three bindings to sew down, plus one quilt that needs a lot of hand embroidery…it’s going to be my go-to for after dinner but still watching the end of that TV episode. So it’ll probably be around for a while. I’m hoping to finish one of the others in January, just to say I finished something in January, because I’ve been lax as hell this month. Normally I do 50+ hours of art-related stuff each month, and the last month has been only 20 hours…and that’s WITH time off from school. Lame. Yeah, it’s OK, I know the kids being home and being discombobulated about what I was doing next was part of that. But I’m done now. I’m on a roll. I have 60 days to get this quilt done…partially because that’s what I put in the contract, but also because I leave on vacation in 63 days. Don’t laugh. I’ll be fine. I have a goal now, a place to look forward to. That helps so much. Really, it does.

I’m going to be feeling better this week. The cold is going to go away, I’m going to get some exercise in, I’m going to finish some things and start some things. It’s all good.

*The Zombies, She’s Not There

How to Bend Without the World Caving In*

One thing I can say is that I’m really glad it’s Friday. Some weeks just seem harder than others. This one maybe because I lost sleep the first night of the week and then got sick immediately after. I want to just lie around and sleep and read a book and maybe eat some ice cream. Really healthy stuff. In reality, I’ll be grading and sewing and dropping off a quilt and going to a meeting and doing the grocery shopping. But I might sleep in. That would be nice. Life goals! Sleeping in!

I’m quite a few hours from getting to that point, unfortunately. I did come home last night after running a few errands and I finished grading another assignment and put some stuff in the gradebook. All good. Very efficient. Good Kathy. Keep going. Stay on task. The fun thing about being a teacher is that as soon as you finish grading one assignment, they turn in two more. Some people (who do not understand my population of students…or maybe any population of middle-schoolers) say hey! Why don’t you assign fewer things that need grading! Well. They won’t do anything then. It’s hard enough some days to get them to read instructions (hence yesterday’s lab, which continues tomorrow)…I adjust my speech each period based on the things the previous period did that I didn’t tell them to do. My basic lab mantra is, “If I didn’t tell you to do it, don’t do it.” It makes it hard for any real experimentation to happen. The one kid who wanted to eat the hydrogen peroxide and yeast, I said, “Hang on, let me get 911 and your mom on the line…then you can eat it.” Sigh. Probably it wouldn’t kill him. Burns going down, eh? Did I tell you to eat it? Then why are you doing it?

These are the things they don’t teach you in teacher school.

So yeah, after grading, I made some dinner and read my book and cleaned up some random stuff. I keep finding piles of things the girlchild left, so I funnel them to her room (which now has some of my stuff back in it…but I went through one container and cleared it out…only four to go! And I have 100 days to do it! Actually more…she’ll be going home to Boston, not here.).

And then I felt pretty good…I went to buy the better cold medicine, the one they use to make crack, and it works. The other stuff just makes me feel woozy and clogged up. So I’m totally willing to give the government my ID so I can breathe!

And then, because I could breathe, I quilted! For over an hour!

I actually got close to done on the outlining…

All I have left is the wooden tree leg thing, which is actually really complicated, and the world stuff to the right of that. And then the background, which isn’t very big. Maybe I’ll finish tomorrow and find a binding. I could handsew a binding (or three, because that’s how many are lying around right now) at my meeting on Sunday. I don’t like just sitting around at meetings. Obviously.

At some point, I needed to fill a bobbin and this happened.

No. I was not watching. Do you watch your bobbins fill? I do not. Unfortunately, because this was unsalvageable and I have no idea how it happened. Also, at some point, after I ran out of black thread for the bobbin, I started using a dark gray. I have no idea when I switched to the lighter gray, but there it is. So the back is kinda funny looking. Not that I recommend you ever look at the back of an art quilt. It’s not going on a bed and the wall doesn’t care.

Then I got hit with a Wall of Tiredness. It happens. I sat on the couch and drew in my journal, but nothing worth looking at, just doodlings, and then this happened. Puppy is on me, everyone else to my left…

It’s still cold at night, eh? And everyone wants attention. I was OK with that. Petting warm furry beasts is not a bad thing.

Weekend plans? Grade. Finish quilts. Maybe start Wonder Under on the commission piece? Get some rest and get well. Most importantly. So probably more of those sitting-on-the-couch-with-all-the-beasts photos…those are OK.

*Jason Mraz, I Won’t Give Up

I See This Life Like a Swinging Vine*

Well the sick is going away, so that’s good. I did sit down for most of yesterday, though, and I won’t be able to do that today. It’s a lab day. It’s a walk-the-room-and-avert-disaster day. Although this one isn’t bad. Last year, though, one kid read the instructions wrong and destroyed a significant portion of the materials. We’re ready for that this year. Reading instructions is hard…especially when you’d rather just mess around and make people laugh. Cooperative learning is difficult y’all.

The girlchild is still alive. We’re currently using Facebook Messenger for communication and she’s posted one picture on Instagram. It will be harder later when she has spottier or nonexistent internet. She has to have some for school, but not every day, and since she’ll be living with host families for part of the time, there’s no guarantee that they will have internet. I thought about telling the boychild I was gonna have to text him more to make up for radio silence from the girl, but I knew he’d just ignore me. It’s only the first week she’s been gone…I’ll get adjusted soon enough.

I was more efficient yesterday, despite feeling like warmed-over crap. I graded two assignments and part of a third, including the stuff I did when I got home. Then I rested, because still tired, even if not that sick. And then I started quilting.

Apparently I did almost an hour and a half. I must have been feeling better. Honestly, as soon as I started feeling really tired and spacey, I quit. But I got some of the quilting done. Broke a needle too. Exciting stuff.

There’s at least 3 more hours of quilting in this. My quilt class tonight was rescheduled, so I can quilt…and grade…because I still need to get caught up on that. If I’m smart, I’ll bring my school computer home, so I can lounge around on the couch with animals sandwiching me while I grade. It is somewhat comforting.

This morning…up early for a meeting, so I get to see the sunrise in all its glory…

The phone camera never really captures the pinks and purples well, unfortunately.

I finished reading Leviathan Wakes, the book that was the basis of the TV show The Expanse. I wish I’d read the book first…it made more sense, but then I had the TV characters impressed on my brain. So it’s for book club and we usually read relatively recent stuff (not always)…so when it said there was a series in the plan, I figured, ahhh, I’m gonna have to wait to see the rest. Oh no. This book is not new. The series will have 9 books and 7 are already published…and if they’re all in the 600-page range, I could read them (presuming they remain being good) for quite a while. The second one was available for the Kindle on my library app (I don’t buy many books any more)…so it’s next on my list. I’m intrigued that two people wrote them…I always wonder how that works. I suspect I could Google that. Anyway, I’m hoping they stay good. I wanna read a big long story that continues for a long long time.

OK, well, I’m running low on cold meds…debating trying to get them before school, but think the pharmacy doesn’t open early enough (it doesn’t). I should have gone last night (I didn’t). Guess I will limp along on what I have here.

*One Republic, Counting Stars

It Could Be Normal but It Isn’t Quite*

Being sick just sucks, even when it’s that low-level stuff that makes your nose run and your head spacey, but you’re still able to stand upright and appear human. I didn’t sleep well all night, between the sinus stuff and wondering if the girlchild was still alive. I knew she landed…

I watched her flight all the way south…and then she texted me that she got there…

That’s kind of a joke, because I can’t pronounce the capital city of Madagascar (Antananarivo)…it’s got way too many nananana’s. But then she texted that the lights kept going out, and then I didn’t hear from her for like 6 hours. Which would have been fine if she’d gotten through Customs at that point, but she hadn’t. So in typical worry mom fashion, I assumed she’d been thrown in jail for her stash of ADD pills (she really does have ADD) until I saw her texts come through at like 2 AM.

Yes, my brain does that. Plus iPhone, could you please fix the stupid iMessage problem where the texts come in out of order. It’s really annoying.

Sleeping is not my strong point at the moment. Too bad, because I hear sleep is good for you when you’re sick.

It was cold again last night, cold enough for the pup to put up with a purring cat on his butt.

I stitched some more…almost done I think.

Eventually he realized the cat was there.

Although he refused to stay on the couch without humans. I came into the office and sewed the binding on the second piece I’ve had lying around since like 2007…

I still need to do all the handwork. I was going to go back in and quilt, but I felt like crap…so I read for a little while and then went to bed early. Funny, because I don’t feel like I slept much at all, despite being in bed well before my normal time. I can only hope that today I start to feel better…because I can’t get anything done when I’m sick. And the grading is piling up too, although we’re showing a movie today and we were smart and got loaner computers, so we can grade while the kids watch on the other computer. Planning ahead! What a concept. I always bargain with myself…if I get a lot of grading done at school one day, I don’t have to do any at home. And when I have tutoring, I also don’t have to grade at home. I already did my time. Monday, I cleared out 33 emails of late work after school, though, and this morning, I have 26 more. Holy crap. I mean, yes, I want them to turn in their late work, but that’s a lot of emails to wade through. Gotta get caught up. And hopefully do some quilting tonight…that’s on the list. Hopefully I’ll have more energy than I did last night…or I do right now!

But first, treat the headache, hope the cold meds kick in, pack up, and go in to work. Be efficient today.

*Suzanne Vega, 99°F

Mahna Mahna*

So the girlchild got stuck in Paris for about 5 more hours than she was planning, which sounds like an awesome thing, unless you’re stuck in the airport and haven’t slept in 24 hours or more. She just left for Madagascar, 11 hours long, but she has the whole row in the airplane to herself…I suspect as soon as they hit altitude, she’s stretching out and drooling sleepily for as much of that as possible. It’s a horrible feeling, not being able to lie down when you’re that tired. So sometime tonight, I’ll hopefully hear from her again.

Meanwhile, I’m sick. I guess your body holds off all the crazy sick around you (all my students are sick) until you release some of the stress by putting your kid on a plane…and then that’s it. Not true, actually…I must have been exposed Friday or Saturday. Oh well. It was gonna happen sometime. It’s not the crazy flu everyone’s been having…feels like a bog-standard cold. Woo hoo! While teaching! And setting chemicals on fire! I was so tired yesterday that I forgot to go to the chiropractor. Unfortunately, because I think I needed it.

Instead, I cleaned up all the girlchild’s leavings…we had boxes and plastic wrap and those stuffed-with-air bags that Amazon uses. I sorted it all and recycled most of it. And then went around finding her left-behind bags and water bottles and all the stuff she borrowed from my dad that she didn’t take with her (she did take a lot…just not the 20-year-old lotion…Dad, if you’re reading this…I threw it out. It smelled really awful. I’ll buy you a new one.). And I did some grading and some school tasks. I even made dinner from scratch, but it turned out weird. Dunno why. Probably did something wrong. I’m not an awesome cook like she is.

Then we watched Ghost in the Shell, which was OK…still don’t know why they cast white people in Asian characters…that shit is stupid.

It’s been a while since I worked on the SJSA blocks, and I’m almost done with the last one…

Gotta decide what to do with the gunshots…

It was really cold last night…

Simba is super cranky at the moment. All his favorite people left and he’s stuck with us. We don’t sit still enough for his liking.

Girlchild texting me from over the Atlantic Ocean…

No such texts on this flight…batteries are dying.

So there were a few small changes I needed to make to the commission drawing…I re-angled the “perfect”…it was bugging me…

The original poem was about a boy…but this quilt is about a girl…so one request was to change the two gendered words…

And then these screws are like what is used in scoliosis surgeries (and perhaps other back surgeries), but they weren’t exactly like what was used in hers, so I had photos of the screws to change them…

So I did…I just cut out the space and put new paper in and redrew…just a few things…

Easy fix…

Straightened out…

And then, I numbered…because I couldn’t stand it anymore, not knowing if I stayed within my own boundaries. I knew I tried, but I often suck at that.

Because the piece needs to be under a certain price, I aimed for something the same size and complexity as one of the bathtub quilts, because they are under that price. I figure cost by keeping track of my hours. It’s the only way that makes sense to me. Some big quilts have fewer pieces (which affects the time) than some smaller quilts. So I can’t do it by the inch or foot, like some quilt artists do. This works for me. Plus keeping track of that shit for the last 15 years or so has made me better at estimating time.

Not perfect, just better…

I wanted to be under 800 pieces…and I was! A miracle.

Now just waiting for the final OK and partial payment, and then I’ll get started. I set up the contract so that they can refuse the quilt at the end if they don’t like it, but I still get a percentage, so I’m not working for nothing. I don’t think it will happen, but I want the new owner to be happy with it and I want to be protected in case they aren’t…so this was what I came up with. It’s hard for someone to look at my black and white drawings and get a good idea of what the quilt will look like. I have a better idea in my head, but I haven’t even colored it out or anything. That stuff kind of comes as I’m staring at the drawing and the drawers of fabric. It’s a very intuitive process.

Also just waiting to know the girlchild is safe on land again…that’ll be a longer wait. I’m excited for her but also nervous. I didn’t sleep much last night because I would wake up and see if she had texted that she had left…because I was worried she would fall asleep in the airport and get left behind. Mom worries, right? Because she’s a capable and amazing adult and she will be fine. Looking forward to seeing her pictures and hopefully reading her blog.

OK, taking my snotty self to school, where, I’m not kidding, I’ll be setting shit on fire. Stand back! I should take a hairband, huh.

*Cake, Mahna Mahna

To Take Away the You*

I was marching yesterday…hence no post. Up too early. Left early. All that stuff.

I made my sign Friday night…

Two sides. Last year, I knew it was going to rain and I left everything too late, so I just printed out a sign and taped it so it wouldn’t run too much…

This year, I even managed a stick.

The rest of Friday night was pretty laid back. I was exhausted by the end of the week. Apparently, so was the puppy. Girlchild was trying to read her textbook (supposed to be done by the time she arrives in Madagascar), but really was binge-watching SVU.

I did some grading…one whole assignment in two days. I know part of my lack of efficiency is because she’s leaving. It’s stressful to send your kid that far away. I am barely used to the 3000-mile distance. This is so far. And we know communication will be difficult. No daily texting. No FaceTiming whenever she’s stressed or wants to talk. It will be hard. For her…and me…

Simba also finds it stressful. He wants to sit on her (or someone) constantly.

But she came along for the march…

It was a pretty day, although pretty damn cold (for Southern California) in the beginning…

And we did actually get a tiny bit of rain…

And they always take too long to get us walking. This sweatshirt design was pretty awesome.

37,000 people marched (apparently) in San Diego…more than last year. The president seems confused by our purpose.

Honestly, sometimes I think we’re confused by our purpose. Well. I’m not. I want equal rights for everyone. I want those who are hurt by racist and sexist policies and behaviors to have a voice and rights. There’s a lot of things I want. Accessible and cheap healthcare for everyone. Consequences for discrimination. More support for the groups who need it…my students…the refugees, those stuck in poverty and affected by jailed family members and disability and familial deportations and the fear of deportation and drugs and gangs and all that shit. The threat of being sent back to where they came from…Yo! White folks who threaten this! YOU GO BACK. Seriously. How uneducated are you to think you were here first? SIGH. Oh my. Seriously.

Anyway…we marched. We yell. I make art. I write. I teach. I hope. Sometimes I laugh.

Oh yeah. I vote. Every damn time. All these women vote.

So two problems to solve: how to encourage people to vote, and to vote thinking about everyone on the planet and not just themselves. To vote with empathy. Then how to talk to the white women who voted for Trump…who thought that was a solution to whatever they are missing or whatever they need. I have a hard time with that…I just don’t understand. Especially those at my job who voted that way…because how can you work at my school and not have empathy for those you work with? I don’t know how to have a conversation about that. What are you trying to protect? Sigh. Big sigh.

After that, I graded some more and then went to the Visions opening…beautiful quilts by Jane Sassaman and Betty Busby…totally worth seeing those. Then dinner and a drawing in their receipt book.

Then came home, finished Stranger Things, and tried to go to bed. Unfortunately, my stomach rebelled. Food poisoning? Who knows. I’m OK this morning. Finally got a decent amount of sleep. Still have a million things to grade, to do, to clean. And up super early in the morning to drive the girlchild to the airport. Then I count the days until she’s back, even though I know it will be an awesome trip.

*Ingrid Michaelson, Sort Of

I Don’t Care ‘Cause I’m Not There*

When I first sat down at the computer this morning, feet freezing off (really should remember socks or slippers in the morning), nice hot cup of tea, stomach grumbling about everything, I thought I had done nothing yesterday. NOTHING. Because I had no pictures, for one, but because I also remember falling asleep on the couch, curled up next to the cat, who was also curled up asleep. Apparently that was cute. There’s photographic evidence (you won’t see it here). And then getting up and going to bed.

That was at almost midnight though.

Then I thought, well you didn’t get any art done last night. And that’s not true. I came home and got my clothes on for the gym, but the girlchild was still here, and she won’t be here much longer, plus the dog needed her meds and I didn’t want to feed her dinner early, so I didn’t even leave for the gym until 6:30 PM or so. And then came home and made dinner and read my book even more (it’s good…what can I say?) and THEN eventually fell asleep on the couch.

So no PHYSICAL art…but being an artist who shows her work means you have to do paperwork and computer stuff, so I did do that. I entered a show that I probably won’t get into (that’s OK…it happens all the time). I organized my calendar and my piles of paper related to that, so that all the rejections go into the huge pile over THERE, and all the shows I’ve been in where the quilts are back here go in a smaller pile over THERE (who am I kidding…they’re all in one big confused pile), and then I have a smaller, more organized pile of stuff that’s upcoming and stuff that’s out. And then I could see deadlines…deadlines I’d forgotten about. Hmmm. Some of them are calling to me (it’s OK, most of them are for the fall…there’s time). So I did all that management stuff.

And then I came up with an idea for my Women’s March poster…because I’m doing that tomorrow morning…but I didn’t actually DO it. That’s also OK. I can do it tonight. It won’t take long. Although I asked my dad for a stick, and it hasn’t appeared. Huh. Hmm.

Anyway, so it was a semi-productive day. Saturday will inevitably be very unproductive. At some point, I will have to stop being so tired and nonfunctional and get my act together. Maybe. I mean, you can’t make me. (Stubborn much?)

Meanwhile…I did have pictures from yesterday. We made Oobleck for our classes yesterday and then made them explore it (OK, not much forcing of touching the gooey stuff needed to happen)…and then explain what state of matter it was. Yeah. That was good. Messy, yes; exhausting, yes. But good. I’m kinda getting used to this teaching chemistry stuff…although we put a project into the chemistry unit that has life science in it…because we miss it. It’s relevant too. So there.

*New Order, True Faith

I Really Do Feel It*

Hooray for short work weeks…I can’t get my brain back into school yet. I haven’t been bringing any grading home…which will eventually bite me in the butt. I answered one parent email last night…so that was responsible of me. I even forwarded it to the other teachers. That said, we stayed after school yesterday for more than an hour making Oobleck for our kids to figure out today…that is so NOT my hand. I let my coteacher do the mixing and I did the cleanup.

We may totally regret doing this by the end of today, but we’re hoping not. It’s cool stuff…most of our students know about and have even made slime, but this is different. Anyway, wish us luck. (maybe pray for us…) So I feel like I did do extra work yesterday…just not at home.

The Golden Retriever had a broken tooth pulled yesterday. I had no idea how HUGE the roots were.

About 2/3 of that was in her gum. It’s her fault for breaking her teeth…she eats rocks. Well…chews on them. Anyway, she was significantly drugged last night, but seems OK this morning. She’s a good girl…takes her meds and soggy food without complaint. The pain meds might be helping with that.

The girlchild and I had some errands for after and her dinner plans for us were stymied by the time it takes to soak farro, so we tried out the new location of City Tacos in La Mesa…good stuff! Although not cheap…here’s the veggie versions for the girlchild…

And the meat ones for me…although the veggie ones looked good too…

Then a trip to the 99-cent store for school stuff, plus the grocery store so she could make my students some cupcakes. By the time we got home, it was 7:30 and I was too tired to do anything but just sit at the table for a while. Apparently Simba was tired too…

They’re both soaking up all the last minutes together. I get it. Boychild made it back to New York yesterday, with only minor delays. For once! Despite all the weather stories and cancellations. Impressive. I miss that kid.

I eventually got up and started the stitch down on this. I didn’t finish…

I probably could have, but I had some serious concentration issues. So I eventually gave up and sat on the couch with my book and a glass of wine and a whiny cat. I read until I thought I could fall asleep and then I did.

I’m in a mood. Missing one kid, worrying about the other one, 64 days and probably 10 staff meetings to Spring Break. I hate staff meetings. I think I really just need to get back into my school routine. Next week.

Tonight? Grade some stuff. Maybe go to the gym (that would help…plus I can read my book there). Do some art stuff, even if it’s just hand sewing on bindings while watching some TV. That’s not a bad way to end the day. Not every day has to be amazingly efficient. Some are just days.

*Pretty Lights, Finally Moving

But Here’s a Little Feedback*

Aargh. Some days are like running in oatmeal. Sludge days. I did eventually get all the makeup work graded and input. Yay! One thing done. Miraculous. I went to two openings…more on those tomorrow, because I don’t feel like writing about it now. Watched Wonder Woman and was not impressed…worse than that…irritated. Sigh. The portrayal of women in movies, books, TV shows. So annoying. I hope I don’t add to that. I hope I’m a different voice. Maybe not. Hard to say.

I feel out of sorts with the whole world today. Hard to feel that way as I’m looking out at trees that have decided Spring is coming. I really should go walk something today…even if it’s just myself and my headphones. If I’m irritated by blue skies and trees, there’s something wrong there.

Girlchild finally got a backpack…that’s not really the rain shield…it’s a pocket.

Now to figure out how to fit everything she needs to take in that thing. Ha! Yeah right.

Makeup grading included this. If only I knew what he meant…

Either he was in Israel or he wasn’t real or I really just don’t know what he was trying to tell me.

I finished the second SJSA block. The last one is back to clumpy glue…

But I’m on time, I think, so that’s good.

This morning, Satchemo would claw at my toes every time I stopped petting him…

Sheesh.

So I cut the head off. It bugged me.

There it is. Still bugging me.

Better. It’s not much different, but different enough to make me happy.

I’ve put more time into the drawing…I’m going to be done today. Which is good. And then hopefully approval or minor changes? And then into the doing part…which is where I like to be.

All day yesterday, nuclear bomb drawings in my head after Hawaii’s oops. Terrifying oops. This is the world we live in. It’s not a very pretty one at the moment. OK. So I’m trying to get consensus right now on a grocery list, and even that is too hard for everyone. I’m considering handing everyone a $20 bill and walking away. Deal with yo’selves now. When you’re the mom, you’re the one in charge all the time. I would love to NOT be in charge. Sure, we can blow off grocery shopping until 8 PM, but then you said you’d cook for your grandparents, and when is that going to happen? I don’t know either. My eyelids are both twitching.

Gonna go draw some more…draw some space and stars and a happy sun and an alien craft, because you can’t draw space without aliens. Damn. Maybe I’ll put an alien in too. OK, that’s probably too much. But a happy alien? Might be OK.

I might eat some ice cream for lunch too. Because.

*Patrick Sweany, Them Shoes

God Forbid You Ever Had to Wake Up to Hear the News*

January 2018. Thinking about politics and shithole nations (oh man. Racist much? Does he not know that in general, Norwegians don’t wanna move here? Are people that clueless about race and socioeconomics and why people immigrate?) and upcoming taxes (is there any point in saving receipts for deductions any more?) and the upcoming 1 year anniversary of the women’s march. How to change my pussy hat up to make it more intersectional. It did have a vulva on it last year. Yeah, I’m marching again. Same group of three that did the science march too. We’re still here. We’re still pissed off. We’re still being marginalized, less so as a white woman than as a woman of color or a nonbinary or a trans woman or all the other permutations. But still listening to white male politicians tell us our place is not at the table. I actually had a conversation with my 7th graders this last week about white privilege and male privilege. There’s a piece of my art brain that’s bulging with ideas about this, but needing to know exactly what I’m saying and am I saying it out of privilege? Or what? I can’t tell other people’s stories. Although I often tell a general story; not all my art is personal narrative. So there’s that. Brain is stirring all these ideas around.

Shithole nations…seriously. I’m so offended by my own race at the moment. Honestly, the vast majority of my white friends are just as offended, but there’s a few acquaintances who are missing some connections. I’m sure there’s a few who never voice their opinions, but think it. Sigh.

I’m exhausted this morning. I have a spike embedded in my forehead above my left eye (I just had to close my eye to try to figure out if it was my left or right eye…I’ve never been good at left and right). The day is warm and I have 7 thousand things that need doing. Now there’s a vise squeezing my temples…and my neck is frozen in place. When is the next chiropractor visit? I’m thinking it’s a long way out.

And yet, here’s Kitten. She really is better at life than I am.

My gradebook calls. I have shit to do in there. I did some last night when I got home from work, before I went to gaming. I think there are 39 emails left.

Late work. I’ll get there. Really, Calli, I’ll get there. I was awakened this morning by the squealing of the girlchild, who is now asleep again. Ugh. Then Calli crying. I know girlchild let the dogs out to pee, but they want food at some point. So I did that. And once I’m up, I’m up. I don’t go back to sleep. I know the boychild is up, because he came in with Simba, but the other two dead bodies are still snoring away, wrapped up in blanket cocoons. Must be nice.

No, I’m not bitter at all. Laughing. I get to sleep in tomorrow, when the dogs are all gone. And so are the kids (not that the boychild is noisy…he’s not).

A herd of balloons. Don’t even ask. It’s my prep room at work.

Gaming. That’s a lot of stress and fatigue I’m collecting over there. I worked on the tree the whole time. If I don’t stitch, I fall asleep. I gave up the comfy chair so the two guys with fucked up ribs and backs could be comfortable. Sigh. I guess I’m never comfortable sitting at a table anyway. True. I’m not.

It’s still not done…needs brown things around and in it. But that’s a nice trellis stitch hole in the tree, isn’t it? I think so.

I have a huge list of stuff I wanna do this weekend. I love that I have these three days after the first week of school. I might almost feel human by the end of it.

I’m going to finish the drawing I’ve been working on, I’m going to sew bindings on those two little quilts I had lying around, I’m going to do the stitch down on the other quilt top and hopefully get it sandwiched for quilting. I’m going to set up my composters. It’s possible I’m going to fire my pool guy for never showing up and find a new one (that’s a pain in the ass). I’m going to some art openings. I’m going to read and exercise and eat decent food and get some sleep (maybe…that one I can’t guarantee).

But right now, I’m going to get more tea in me and take some meds for the headache. It’s probably weather related, but I certainly don’t need to carry it around with me.

*Everlast, What’s It Like