It’s No Better to Be Safe Than Sorry*

This summer, the heat is really getting to me. I don’t have a lot of extra money in general…even less so during the summer…but I’m sort of currently obsessed with installing A/C in my office for NEXT summer…and maybe the bedroom as well. Although I think my lack of sleep is more about noise (of the ceiling fan) and my brain not shutting down properly than about temperature…so A/C in there won’t help. It’s hard to say. I’m currently fighting heat rash on the inside of my elbows from ironing…I think if I could get my sliding glass door to open in here, that would help at night. I’m ironing more at night because (in general) it’s cooler. It’s at least dark. Sometimes there’s a breeze. So today, my plan is to get the sliding door to open and to finish the ironing. Then I go on to cutting things out…and YES, I’m a good three days behind where I wanted to be, but that’s reality, so you just suck it up and move on. I have no jury duty today, but there’s no guarantees on the rest of the week, and after this week, things get hinky. Sigh.

Anyway, I did manage just about 7 hours of ironing over the weekend…not great, but progress. My total is currently almost 22 hours, so maybe I will finish at about 25 hours. Hard to say at this point.

So let’s walk through the weekend. I entered another show on Saturday morning and did some techy stuff to help with that group. Kitten helped.

Calli also helped. She’s especially helpful when I’m trying to walk across this small room to get to the drawers of blue fabrics. Usually she leaves after I do that a few times.

More sleepy Kitten. She’ll be 10 in two weeks.

So the first thing I needed to do was pick the fabrics for the hill behind everything. I did finally decide on greens (no florals though)…and I dumped the last one…the lightest one…because it was too busy. I found another interim one and bumped the second-to-last one down.

I really like that fabric, but busy isn’t good for backgrounds…usually.

This is a lot of fabrics for what was two tiny figures on the hill.

I’m having to pull a different flesh run for every body…in this case, only a hand. It means I’m using a lot more fabrics than usual.

This was the pile before we left on Saturday for the man’s show…

And this is the to-be-cut pile. Growing growing growing.

Interesting wall near the Belly Up Tavern in Solana Beach. I really like this wall…wish I could afford to put one in my yard.

So we had to be up there early so the band could set up, but I wasn’t allowed in (no problem)…so I found a coffee shop and drew. I have a piece that needs to be done by the end of October.

This drawing is pretty close actually. There’s some things I would change.

I ate and read my book and then walked back to the show…this wall was on the way.

No doubt about that.

Announcement board…

Here’s that drawing so far. Tree needs stuff. I think the whole thing needs more space. Not sure about the bottom leg.

In the Belly Up, we had an hour wait for the opening act…so I drew some more.

And another one…

The show was great…they did well. Hopefully it will turn into more shows for them. I don’t get to see all of the shows…the next two are high school reunions, so those are harder for me to get into (I do crash some things). I guess that means more artmaking time. On a Saturday night. Ugh. I do like to make myself get out of the house and do stuff, but sometimes, making art is easier.

So I started ironing late on Sunday. Got up late, did a bunch of stuff, groceries and all. This is the run for the next human…a light one.

I had to move 3 of the now 5 boxes of fabrics being used in this quilt so I had enough room on the ironing board…it’s the three smaller boxes on top of the grays. I’m still pulling from those boxes.

One of the fabrics I picked had a piece ironed to it…from I DON’T KNOW WHAT. Seriously. I obviously forgot about it, and probably had to cut it from something, but it’s a very low number. Strange. Maybe that small quilt with the hand?

Kitten is still holding down the fort. She likes to be near me, but isn’t keen on being out in the living room. This feels safer for her.

At some point, I looked at the clock and went Huh. OK. Well past bedtime. Wide awake, brain racing along, but I knew I’d have to pee both dogs and I’d be woken up at 6 AM and you’d think I could fall asleep that late, but no…my brain was going overtime on the next figure and how to make it stand out from the background. Sigh. I need to get the brain under control before school starts.

So the pile grows.

More today. I think I’m in the 1400s at the moment. I lied. I’m in the 1500s…about halfway through, but a huge chunk of that is leaves, so they’re all chunked together and will get ironed in one fell swoop. So I have about 350 pieces left. Easy peasy.

I did some Palestrina knots on the hippo last night at the parentals…

Almost done. OK, need a shower, some food, finish ironing, do some GISH stuff (google it), wash a sleeping bag, try to clean a tent that was immersed in Madagascar mud (yup, it’s been a while), and maybe check some other stuff off the to-do list. Running out of days. I start looking at school stuff August 1. I need to put my classroom back together too. Ugh. Don’t wanna.

*a-ha, Take on Me

I Know You Can Make It Good*

Hey world. It’s a Saturday morning. Looks a lot like all the other mornings except one of the household is still asleep. What have I done so far today? Perused the GISH list (google it…too late to enter) and decided on a few things I might be able to do today, transferred money so my mortgage payment won’t bounce (ah, the month with no paycheck), balanced the kid money output, and ordered about 250 folders for school…which will show up just in time and end up on the NEXT credit card bill, which I might actually be able to pay, because I will have a paycheck. Oh wait, I did get paid for that one day of jury duty…not covering the mortgage or the folder order. I’m not off the hook for jury duty either…I don’t have any duty Monday, but they didn’t release me from the whole week this time, so who knows. I’m hoping it’s a no go next week, because I don’t have time for it, but I don’t get to decide those things.

I know, really, all I’m doing is running errands, planning for school, and MAKING ART. Not really civic duty. Should be ready to serve. Blah. Pros: doing my duty. Air conditioned. Cons: the rest of it.

Tonight I’ll be watching the man at his first ever show at the Belly Up Tavern in Solana Beach…he’s very excited. I think it’s cool, having seen a lot of amazing music there. I do have to be there 2 hours before the doors open, though, so you can find me in a local bar with my sketchbook, trying to draw the next piece and finish some GISH stuff if my brain can get there. I should find some food while I’m doing that. My requirements for a drawing bar? Food, wine (not just beer or cocktails), and a big enough table that I can draw on, or prop the sketchbook on, without people staring too rabidly at me (well, that’s a thing). So I have a couple of choices…none of their Yelp reviews tell me if I will get what I want, although I already pulled two off the list for no seats or not enough space. We’ll see.

Ironing yesterday was a total fail. By the time I cleaned up and ate and bought cat food, I only got in about 3 hours before I had to leave for gaming…I did stitch at gaming though…

I got the sun done and started working on the hippo. Almost done with this month…this month being July 2015, just to be clear.

It’s taking forever though. But gaming ran late. I thought I might be able to get in an hour or two, but was too tired and went to bed. Today is also going to be a little like that…oh well. Goals shattered. What’s new?

Here’s the heart of one of the female figures.

And I took this picture of the piles before I left for gaming, sure I would come back and straighten them up for the next batch of pieces (I didn’t).

And the box so far. Yesterday, I ironed graffiti, two walls, some bits and pieces on one woman…and that’s it. I’m just under 1100 pieces done. So almost 800 to go. Sigh. I wanted to be further along by now.

Oh well. Today? More pieces. Goal? I have to leave in 6 hours. I need to shower and eat at least twice in that time period…so that’s a lost hour, plus pack up stuff. It would be realistic to say I could get 4 hours done today. I won’t be done…but I’ll be more done than I was yesterday.

All the animals today…Kitten in her safe spot (she leaves this spot when I’m gone…).

Satchemo trying out the sink. Kitten does it, so why shouldn’t he?

Simba with his sad face on.

Calli after her first dunk in the pool (she had two)…

Poor old lady. The dog, not me. My feet hurt and my hips were bugging me last night (just a sign I need to walk more often). I couldn’t fall asleep last night…I remember 3 AM. I’m a little groggy this morning, but that’s why I drink tea. Got more milk yesterday so I can keep doing that. Looking forward to some drawing time tonight, some significant ironing progress today, and watching the band play. Sounds like a good Saturday.

*Peter Gabriel, Don’t Give Up

Working on It…

Ah, my head is filled with things. I have to admit to being a hermit when I’m head down, making a piece. I don’t watch the news, I rarely read it, I barely surface for meals, I don’t leave the house if I can help it. Sometimes bits and pieces of it surface when the people around me say something, and then I fall down a Google rabbit hole. I heard about Nia Wilson a few days ago, but didn’t follow up until this morning. Young woman of color, killed randomly (or not? probably not.). Shit. This world sucks for women in general, but add color to the mix and it explodes in their faces. Imagine as a mom…I worry about my kids all the time, but they’re white. It’s a million times safer to send them out into the world than if they were of color. It’s interesting (or telling, maybe) that so many times, we hear that the white murderer has mental issues…does this make it OK? Sure, the US does not manage psych issues well…there are very few ways to get some people help, but still…WHY did he murder a young black girl and try to kill her sister? Sigh. There is so much violence. None of it is OK, but it’s hard to believe racism wasn’t part of this death. If you raise your children to be blind to racism (and perhaps I didn’t do enough there…I constantly check myself in the classroom, with race, culture, religion, and gender…did I do enough?), then you are part of the problem. It isn’t enough to treat all races, cultures, religions, and genders the same (is equality enough? No, equity is the aim…make up for the privilege)…you have to acknowledge that there are stereotypes and incorrect beliefs in play. Constantly. I know this is something I try to do All the Time in my classroom. Do I do it everywhere else? Nope. I’m sure I don’t. Working on it.

So that’s in my head as I’m starting to pick out fabrics for this new quilt, which is hard to explain in terms of theme, but has more distinct human figures in it than any quilt I’ve ever made (they’re all female…which is another issue I keep going over in my head…the thought of gender and how it determines what we are, or not, and how to portray alternate gender issues from my perspective, which seems woefully incomplete). In my last multiple-women quilt, I had a long moment where I was troubled by my own whitewashing of experience. So much of my work is interior, based on my experience, not quite autobiographical, but mostly…yeah…me. So self-centered, white, but we do what we know? I can’t speak for others. But this quilt is about a wider experience of female, about viewpoints and issues and saving the Earth…really, it’s my brain on the news, a small portion of the news. Not all the women in the quilt are meant to be white. More of a universal womanscape…so my brain is percolating over whether it’s even OK for me to talk about immigration when it doesn’t affect me directly, unless you consider my students who are affected by it. But I won’t be deported. I won’t be torn away from my children (this pains me so greatly, those parents who were sent back without their children…WTF are the people in charge thinking, and if you say to me that those parents DESERVE that because they brought their kids up here, I will let loose in a rant about safety and asylum so verbose that the words might bury you). But there is immigration in the quilt. And pollution. And birth. And loss. And abortion. And breastfeeding in public. And the male gaze. Dick pics. Geez. And how to portray women of color in a way that doesn’t perpetuate racism or stereotypes or assumptions. I’m working on it.

It’s not pretty. It probably won’t get into the show for which I’m making it. That’s OK. I think sometimes I have to make these just to get some of this shit out of my head. Although getting this…Nia?…out of my head? Not happening. Love to her family. May she receive justice, although I don’t think that ever makes up for a death. If John Cowell is really mentally ill, maybe he will get the help he needs, but that will never make up for killing an 18-year-old woman.

We have to speak up. Us white folks, we have to hold the world accountable, best we can. Better than we can.

With all that in my head, here’s a rattlesnake skin picked up on the last hike…

Yeah, I just left it on the hat rack. Like you do.

I started ironing yesterday with the oil slicks. I got fabric for that.

Hell, I’ve got fabric for everything. Who am I kidding?

Then all the water…this took a while, both to pick and to iron.

I took a break. Satchemo enjoying the breeze with the second tower of Wonder Under pieces. Hopefully he won’t knock that over.

Boychild made dinner. This incorporation of three people into meal choices can be difficult.

‘Twas tasty.

Then I saw this message in multiple places explaining the Original Sewing and Quilting Expo’s official reason for removing the Threads of Resistance exhibit from their last two shows…

Um. Yeah. Right. (cough…bullshit). Hey, I don’t have a problem with your pulling it because your sponsors and vendors objected and threatened to pull out…but be honest about it, please? Sure, your vendors and sponsors don’t want to be called out, but hell, this world would be a better place with some sincere honesty. Then I can look at the sponsors and decide if that’s where I need to focus my efforts next (there are three sponsors listed whose products I use all the time…). I find that often the negative comments are so loud that vendors and organizers can’t hear the positive comments. Maybe they need to hear those. Louder. Like, I made my Threads of Resistance quilts USING YOUR PRODUCTS. I have a Viking sewing machine. I use Sulky threads. I use Wonder Under. I buy fabric from just about ALL the companies. My batting is Warm and Natural. There. Those guys. (By the way, none of them have given me anything for free…)

I’m back to this, although having a wool quilt on your lap in summer is still an issue. I haven’t been working on it at all.

Time to get the balls done. Seriously.

Then back to ironing. I set a goal for yesterday of 6-8 hours of ironing…I made 6. Every time I took a rest (from standing and the heat in here of ironing under bright lights with little air flow), I would let myself sit for a bit and then I would say, I need to go back to ironing. It worked.

Here’s the mermaid earth mother…all in greens and purples.

I still need to do her internal organs and her hair. I quit just after midnight. I was tired.

So I’m in the 400s, but there are some of the 300s that aren’t ironed yet. The pile of stuff to be cut out and the pile of fabrics used so far.

Based on yesterday, it’s going to take more than 25 hours, but not much more. Today’s goal? Another 6-8 hours…hopefully on the longer end of it, because I’m starting earlier. Although I might need to leave the house. I can’t handle anything else when I’m in this space, in this head space. Careful introspection of how to depict women of color in this quilt. Sometimes I just want to make them all rainbows, but that’s a cop out too. Working on it.

Then You Really Might Know What It’s Like*

I’ve been up for a while, fed all the animals except the human ones, balanced some money stuff out, paid the Visa (oh crap) and then the girlchild’s fall semester (oh holy crap), and read some stuff, but haven’t really got the goop outta my eyes or the even the full cup of tea down my gullet. This is NOT the Summer of Sleep. Totally not. Perhaps I should go to bed earlier, but I really do find the late-night hours are the most useful to me, especially if it’s warm. It’s not too bad (yet) today, so that’s nice. Maybe I can use that to my advantage. One more day without jury duty. That’s good. I swear, this regular uncertainty just fucks with me.

I wasn’t very efficient yesterday until later…I was tired and had a brunch thing I had to do, so then you eat the the brunch foods and they make you tired and it’s Sunday so you’re already tired even if you didn’t work all week. Yeah. That. I did bid on a copyediting job last week or maybe the week before? I didn’t hear anything, so I’m betting I didn’t get it. I bid on one this morning, but she’s already said money might be an issue…I think people don’t have any idea how many hours copyediting 80,000 words takes. We don’t just read it once…but at least three times, looking for a variety of stuff. And her sample wasn’t great. So I’m assuming I won’t get that one either. Oh well. Not sure I’d have time to do it anyway. It would really suck to get a job and then get stuck with jury duty…double hours. Ugh.

Anyway, each day I don’t have to sit in a courtroom is a good one.

Kitten is a freak…very needy at the moment.

We had dinner with the parentals…so Calli wanted the ball thrown 700 times. Grandpa obliged…until we decided she was tired. She won’t ever stop unless we make her.

I worked on the sun…all I got done was chain stitch around the whole thing and a little bit of backstitch. Then I have to go find the hippo instructions from March or something.

I tried to get all three dogs in one picture…semi-successful. They don’t follow instructions well.

Calli is a good girl. Simba is on a leash because he gets up the slope in the bushes and no one can get him down. We let him loose at one point, but he was tired and behaved. Katie was a pain because of food.

Then we came home and I sewed the binding on the other quilt. This is Satchemo supervising the pinning. He really wanted to sit on it, but I wouldn’t let him.

Pile of quilt. I won’t be working on this really soon. Or maybe while I’m watching the telly. Who knows. It’s a nice break from standing.

It’s hard to get up off the couch when the headless wonder is all draped over you. I feel bad getting up and leaving him there. He obviously wants the loves. He was licking my leg (ick).

But eventually he left, and my brain strangely went to graffiti walls. You can blame whatever I was watching on TV. It had a graffiti wall that said BOOM. And that was it. I was down a rabbit hole. Suddenly it made sense to have a graffiti wall in here.

Continued it on the other side, added a viewpoint, finished the hill behind.

There isn’t much left…just the sky to the left. Then numbering it (I’m a little scared of that).

It’s time to get this one rolling. The deadline on the other one is a ways out, so I can slowly hand-stitch the binding and wait a bit on photography. I do need to finish those two little ones too, but since I finished the binding on the other one, I can use the machine for that today. So finish the two little ones, finish the drawing, number, start tracing onto Wonder Under. Hope for no jury duty.

*Everlast, What’s It Like

Purple Hair, Tea, and a List

Friday the 13th! My favorite day, besides maybe Halloween (as long as it’s Halloween when I’m not at school so I don’t have to deal with the candy and the kids). It’s supposed to be bad luck, but really it’s just a number and a day and a really bad series of movies. My favorite! I only just realized what day it was…I keep having to look at calendars to remind myself that it is a day or another day and WTF am I supposed to be doing today (meeting at my district print shop with my co-teacher to print all the crap we need for the beginning of the year, instead of waiting until the week before school starts, for the first time EVAH.).

So I started writing that a million hours ago and then she texted that she was there and we hung out in the foyer at the print shop for over an hour, because it’s the only place besides school where we can be on the district server and actually send stuff to the print shop. Annoying…but air conditioned. So that’s done…the entire first unit is in for copying and we will start the year out organized! Maybe. Well. There’s the disasters of a classroom we have to come back to, after shoving everything in cupboards at the last minute because of the district use of our rooms. Sigh. I’m not thinking about that…or when I might be able to deal with that.

So we took about 8 hours to plan the first unit and beginning of the year stuff, and that was just the time we were together doing that…not all the time we spent doing shit on our own for that. Unpaid. Oh well. It’s my sanity. It’s not like anyone was going to pay me for that prep time anyway.

Then I came home and realized I needed to go to the store for milk, shampoo, and beer. One for each of us! The milk is mine, by the way. Need tea. Should have bought the other kind of milk too, for drinking, but oh well. Yes. I require two kinds of milk.

Still need to clean floors, mopping and vacuuming…with the boychild’s assistance. But before that, finish this, AND dye my hair purple. Because what else do you do on Friday the 13th? Hopefully it won’t fry all my hair, although then I could just shave it all off and be annoyed by it even more than I already am. Seriously, when you’re hot (because of weather AND hot flashes), hair seems like a useless accessory. Then again, so does a bra…so there’s that. So I’m sitting here cooking my hair off and writing this, trying to make my plan for the day when it’s already 2:30 PM, where the fuck did the day go? I just don’t know.

That’s what happened yesterday also. I dropped my car off to get the damn window motor fixed (oh holy crap, those are expensive, but if I have to crawl out of my car one more time to deal with a ticket booth in a parking structure, I’m gonna scream.). So that. It won’t be done until probably Monday. Slightly problematic if I have jury duty on Monday, but whatever. Then off to pick up a quilt from a show that ended…it’ll get shipped out to Arizona in October, so it’s staying in the box. Then to the fabric store for binding fabrics…still haven’t dealt with trimming those two quilts. That would be good to do this afternoon. OK. Make list:

Trim two quilts
Sew binding on two quilts

So then I went to quilt “class” (aka hangout) and trimmed the fabrics for the two little quilts. The more complicated one is on the left…

And here’s the easier one. Yes, I am using a sandwich tupperware to store those pieces. The other one is a lunch container, I think. They work.

When I made all the bird and cat quilts, they were all in tupperware for a while. Easier to keep parts separated but organized that way.

Then I worked on the coral-colored flowers at quilt hangout…finished all of them. Also finished the second block for June? July? I don’t know. And started the third one, the one with the sun in it.

But that was at my nighttime stitching meeting. Lots of that going on yesterday.

Progress! No worries…it will be 2019 before I finish this one. I only work on it at meetings and gaming. I also worked on sewing wool on this one…but I didn’t have the thread to sew the blue circle on and then the leopard is supposed to have spots, and I have the fabric for it and the hole punch, but it’s this huge piece of fabric and so I start reading the instructions, because there must be something else that’s supposed to be made from that fabric, and yessiree, it’s a monkey. Damn. Which monkey?

So I’ve been doing Sue Spargo patterns since I think 2012, with Earth and Twig (maybe earlier?), and she sends the pattern but she also emails a newsletter. And I just realized this year that maybe those were important, that they had information that wasn’t in the patterns. I always saw the corrections and would go hand write them in the instructions, because I knew I would be way behind in making these (this one, which is called Folk Tails, is from 2015.). But you know what? I didn’t save all of them. So I had to go back to my old email address archives and find all of them and load them onto my computer so I would be able to find them when I finally got around to making the quilt…and sure enough, that’s where I found out about the monkey. So that wool is not done. I needed to find the monkey and trace him onto freezer paper and cut that out and iron it onto the brown wool, and then, ONLY THEN, can I use what’s left for the leopard’s damn spots.

Well we are 27 minutes (nope, now it’s 47 minutes…I went down an internet rabbit hole about stitching patterns, because I don’t have enough of those stashed in my house to keep me going into my 3rd or 4th life) into cooking my hair and nothing is stinging or burning. Also good. My allergies have ramped up since being a disastrous 20-something, so you never know. Sure, I could have tested it in my inner elbow like they always tell you, but fuck that shit. I need the purple to wash out before school starts (OK, maybe my principal needs that), and I don’t have 48 hours to fuck around waiting. Plus Sunday is looking quite busy. So not then.

So if I’m at urgent care later or downing Benadryl, just say nothing. I’ll know it was a stupid decision. I don’t need you to tell me.

Then back to the drawing at 11:20 PM or so…woman on the left, a skeleton, although looking at this, I need a bone pile in there somewhere, and then the volcano. I’m down to just a bit of land and sky…maybe tonight? Damn. Wait. The list.

Trim two quilts
Sew binding on two quilts
Iron small quilts together
Stitch small quilts down
Finish drawing

Probably those are out of order and more than I will get done today, but it at least reminds me of what I should be thinking about working on, once the hair and the floors are done.

Speaking of hair, those who are around me may have noticed I had one side shaved when I got most of my hairs chopped off. So I have to decide whether to maintain that or not, and I guess I decided that today.

Tiny little hairs. So tempting to just get rid of all of it in this heat. It’s not even that hot right now. Anyway. I have a list. I can ignore the list. I can get some of the shit on the list done. I can (not) get it all done. But it’s a list. Yeah. Need more tea. Here’s why I bought the milk. Tea. Purple hair. List.

I Can’t Feel a Thing from My Head Down to My Toes*

I keep thinking I’ll get so much done, but then reality kicks me in the head. I did quilt. I did draw. I even walked dogs. All good things. I also drove 2 hours to pick up a quilt and went to the chiropractor. And made dinner from scratch. Still all good things. I did not finish the quilting. I didn’t even finish the outlining. That’s OK. I’m going to do more today. There’s progress…

Although, even though I checked the back for missed stitchdown areas, sure enough, there were three I fixed yesterday…the octopus tentacle was just one of them.

Where the pin is. It’s OK. It happens most times.

Then quilting the rest of the legs, above the knees…

Then the dogs earned a walk…and it was cooler (although still humid) yesterday, so we dragged them out to our regular place. I’ve seen the stinky melons on this vine, but don’t remember the spiky balls. So many plants around here have spiky balls for protection…

And I don’t think I’ve seen these out there ever. It’s weird, because I was just there maybe a week and a half ago…so maybe the bushes were there, and the extreme heat made them flower?

Lovely cloudy skies…cuts down on the temperatures. Not so today.

And wild roses…not sure I’ve ever seen them blooming here. But they were beautiful.

I made dinner…it was lovely. No seriously, it was. I’ll be eating leftovers tonight before book club…for a book I read over a year ago and don’t remember (I just wanna hang out with my book-club mates before school comes back and screws up my schedule). Then I finished all the orange balls (fly stitches) and started on the pink balls (bullion knots).

Second to last set of balls.

Then back to quilting, up into the torso, which was a bit complicated.

Uterus done (it’s not a vajayjay, people). Stomach, liver, intestines (it’s not pornography…it’s parts).

Full view of that section. I have the upper torso, arms, and things floating around. Not a small amount left, but not hard.

OK, quilting is never really HARD…it’s just time consuming and I’ve got a hard time sitting still sometimes. Like now. Hence the walk in the middle of quilting.

When it’s late and my co-housemates all go to bed, they prefer it if I’m not quilting. Apparently the WHOP WHOP WHOP noise of the machine with my music loud enough to cover that is disruptive to sleep. Who knew? Luckily, I have another project in process, so I moved into the living room to work on the drawing. I seriously haven’t started drawing before 11 PM on this thing most nights. It’s too hot in that room. I need to buy another fan. I used to have it in a certain place and it was easy to unplug and move. Now I share it (what!) and it’s not so easy to move. So a new fan would be smart.

Anyway, I had decided that the mermaid sea mother needed a viewpoint, but I had already drawn in that space. So I could use liquid paper, but then when I trace, there are multiple lines that show up with the light and it’s confusing. Usually that’s what I do, but this was a fairly straightforward cutout. So I did it.

Then inserted paper behind and drew the earth.

I added a few more things to the plastic trash.

And then broke up all the water spaces. It looks really complicated, but I just needed smaller pieces of fabric for easier ironing. Lots of dead fish. But I think the ocean section is done. Although looking at this, the space under her arm looks empty. I need to visualize a sand fabric back there…it will be fine.

Then while I was driving to Oceanside yesterday to pick up my quilt, I had some ideas for the last figures…definitely a breastfeeding woman. Faceless though…standing for many women? I guess. There’s another one on one of the other waves that I didn’t ink last night…she’s just in pencil.

Here’s the whole drawing (ish…the top is falling off the back of the light table). As you can see, I’m getting there. Also penciled in is a volcanic area, and I need to put a skeleton in. And then maybe a bird or angel or something? Still considering that. Cherubim? Yeah. Maybe.

This will be a fun one to explain. It started out as one thing and morphed into 17 other things and I think all I can do to explain it is to call it my brain on politics right now. It feels really bad. Although the Thai soccer players are out! That’s good! Distract me from judges and laws and stupid policies and tweets and everything else. We can’t look away…we don’t dare. But Shee-it. So this quilt is that. All that.

I spent about an hour this morning going through upcoming shows and deadlines and organizing for them. I don’t know if I’ll be able to enter everything I want to, just because I have a finite number of pieces available. But at least I have an outline and some organization for that. I do need to iron fabrics for the two little ones though, because they’re supposed to be done in 11 days. OK, stop hyperventilating. It will be fine. They’re small. You could finish both of them in about 2 or 3 hours if you wanted to. Shush.

What I need right now though is breakfast. And then once I finish the legal stuff I have to do today, then I can quilt all afternoon. It’s warm, but there’s a breeze…and two fans in here. One day at a time. (don’t think about the school stuff you have to organize before Friday. Shush.)

*Genesis, That’s All (so I had this significant other who used to give me shit for some of the music I listen to, and this is one of the bands he shamed me for, even though Pandora picked it this time. But I like Phil Collins…and his bald head…and his earnest voice. So I guess it’s a good thing that SO is out of the picture.)

All You’re Giving Me Is Fiction*

So the good news is that I’m released from jury duty all this week, so once again, I feel like I have to get EVERYTHING done this week. No really…car fixed, will done, chiropractor (oh hallelujah on that one), shipping stuff, calling back on insurance stuff, all the crap I never have time to do during the school year. But also, art. Because that shit needs to get on with it. Funny, I have people tell me all the time how prolific I am, but I’m sitting here staring at some deadlines instead of dealing with them. So I have calendars and white boards and to-do lists that remind me, and I look at them and then panic. I also have a task manager that tells me how LITTLE I’ve gotten done, when you consider that I am not going to work every day. I can’t explain that. I know that the pressures of school force me to be very efficient in how I work, and during the summer, my brain kinda rebels and refuses to behave appropriately, which is probably something that I need. So sometimes I just roll with it.

Hi Calli. Speaking of someone who knows how to roll with it.

Yes, I was hanging out in the boychild’s room with the dogs and the boy’s foot. NOT WORKING.

Then I came in here (two fans still on…it’s not as hot, but it’s humid, and my hot flashes have ramped up majorly in the last month…I can’t stand it sometimes, I feel like I’m on FIRE. Before you tell me how they will go away, in my family, they don’t. My grandma had them until she died at 83. My mom is 77 and still has them. This is my world.)…and I finished quilting this fucker.

Too many years. Not even anything amazing. Just something I did while watching kids play soccer. All it needs now is a binding fabric.

Apparently I didn’t buy that in 20-whatever when I put the borders on.

Then while watching the TV after dinner, I did 3 or 4 more balls. There are only 3 or 4 more of the orange ones. I’m getting there.

I figure I’ll be done with balls by the end of July, and then I’ll sandwich this one too. Aack! Never gonna finish quilting everything. Get one thing out of the pile and put another thing in it.

Speaking of quilting…I did start quilting this one, just the outlining. It’s small, so it shouldn’t take long.

I’m actually hoping to be done with it by tomorrow, so I can buy binding for it and the other one at the same time, then get binding on and do some handsewing? Maybe Thursday? We’ll see.

This guy likes the sliding glass doors outside my studio. The cats like that he likes that window. They find him fascinating.

I kind of do too.

So at that point, it had cooled down somewhat and I headed back to the light table to work on the big drawing, which needs to be done this week too. It’s close…

I’m finishing up the water section…then I’ll finish the land section and put some stuff in the sky. I’m looking forward to all those things. The art things.

But before that, I need to go pick up a piece of art up in Oceanside. Long drive, but it has to be done. At least I can do it…I find the whole thought of not knowing what I can plan for each day very anxious-making. So when they release me from the jury duty for a chunk of time, I feel very relieved. I like having control of my time over the summer, since it’s so hard to do during the school year. I’m sure there’s something psychological in that, but whatever. I’ll take each week I can get…although now I worry that they’ll try to assign me to a trial in the last week, which they can do (thus extending the service time an additional two weeks, which puts me right into the start of school) and then I have major scheduling issues, because I pushed everything on either side of the service dates. But whatever. Let’s revel in this week and get some shit done.

*Neon Trees, Everybody Talks

Conversations Are So Difficult Right Now

Sigh. I tried to have a conversation yesterday with someone from “the other side” (I don’t believe there are only two sides to anything…especially in this case, because she seemed to believe she was a feminist, as do I, but there were some other things going on…) about feminism. She claimed there were “Real Feminists” (her term) and they didn’t resort to pussy hats and calling themselves nasty women (um. We didn’t start that. We just took it away from the Orange Trumpet). I asked for her definition of real and fake feminism, because honestly, if you believe in equal rights for women (and for that matter, all versions of gender, as we only barely understand them), then I think you’re a feminist. You can be a quiet feminist. You can be a loud proud and in my face feminist. You can be somewhere in between. You can be a male feminist. You can be all kinds of feminist. I didn’t even know about the WAVES of feminism until a few years ago…apparently if you’re part of the 2nd wave, they hadn’t yet figured out that there was more than one wave. Not that it matters to me which wave you are in…as long as you are in the same body of water with us…so honestly, your politics, your voting history, your life existence doesn’t really matter to me, as long as your core belief is in equality.

I think I was a feminist the first time I realized that male artists were “more important” than female artists (they aren’t…you know that’s why I put it in quotes). So that was when I was about 11. Maybe younger. That said, I have a pussy hat. I don’t have a problem with being lumped in with the nasty women. I make art that seems to be in your face, although, honestly, I don’t make it with that purpose in mind. I get accused of it a lot…of trying to shock people with my art. I honestly don’t care if you’re shocked (I do want you to examine WHY you are shocked). I don’t make art so I can stand on a hillside in front of a million people and yell through a mic a bunch of really inappropriate things that upset people. (like I’ve never ever done that. unlike some people.) I make art because that stuff is in my head and it upsets me and angers me and I need to get it out.

I’ve always shown my art because I think it helps our world for (a) those who believe like me to see that there are others out there with similar feelings and build some consensus around that, but also (b) those who don’t believe like me to see other viewpoints and hopefully work around their prejudices or misconceptions or even brainwashing that there are other ways to view issues and the world. If you’re an artist, I don’t care if you show all your work, show some of your work, or show none of your work. That’s your deal.

I’ve used naked people in my art since I was in college (so that’s over 30 years, folks…not new to this rodeo), because I’m more interested in the core of people, the insides, the body shape itself than I am in clothes and the assumptions we make with what we put on people. I’m not trying to shock you. I don’t think nudity is shocking. I don’t think blood or childbirth or breastfeeding or penises or vulvas or uteri are shocking. If you do, that’s about YOU. Walk away if you don’t like it. I will do the same for you. But maybe stop a moment and try to figure out why you’re having that reaction. Don’t stop when you get to the part where it’s a naked person and that’s WRONG. Why is it wrong? Because it makes people do things (I personally think that’s an excuse, but whatever)? Isn’t that about those people? Nudity in itself is not wrong.

If you’re bringing sin into the argument (especially if you’re putting sin on a brand new baby), then you have to admit that religion is informing your reaction. Then maybe walk away? Or…talk to me: “My religion is telling me that this is shocking because of the nudity.” Then see? We can still have a conversation. I say, “Oh, well I don’t believe that, so you can see I didn’t mean for this to be shocking.” And you can say, “Well, I don’t like it. It shocks me.” And I can say, “OK, then. Well move on. Maybe we can have a conversation about something else…like why a pussy hat makes someone a fake feminist? Or where to buy the best fabric locally?” But there’s no need to be defensive about your answer. Just give me an answer. Not angry, not yelling, just an answer. And if I don’t agree? Agree that we disagree and we both (at least right now, right here, in America) have the right to our differing beliefs and feelings…

I do have a hard time with people who voted for Trump and claim they are feminists, but I’ve heard from a few that they voted for him because in general he supported their beliefs…but there was no one who supported all their beliefs. So they let their feminism trail behind on that vote. I can understand that. I’ve had to make similar decisions while voting…to pick my battles…which sucks, but is political reality. I just happen to have like zero things I agree with Trump on, except maybe Space Force. Space Force (pew pew) is an awesome idea. (OK, you know I’m joking, right? Except I really do like exploring space.)

So I will try to keep having conversations, but when someone else uses the term “Madonna lovers” to describe fake feminists, I have to laugh, because the first thought I had was of the singer, because honestly, I’m not a fan of religion FOR ME. It’s not the first thing that comes to mind. It works for some people…some very good and respectful and loving people. I know some of them. But some people use it as an excuse to do some really evil and prejudiced things in the name of their religion or their god(s), and I don’t appreciate that. Don’t start wars because you think God told you to. God told you to get along. If you’re gonna quote him, then follow him.

I tried. I stopped engaging in the conversation, because she thinks I’ve made her a target, and I didn’t mean to do that. I wanted to know what the fuck she was talking about with “Real Feminists.” Because she seemed to think there was a set of rules for that, and I don’t agree. I’ll keep trying. I’m not giving up on communication. I’m not even sure what a fake feminist is. I know there are women who claim they are not feminists, but they appreciate not being raped or beaten with no repercussions, they love driving their cars and going shopping without a man’s permission, they like to vote, they can make choices about their bodies, they can choose to be the most feminine, lacy, home-cooked meal, princess of the kitchen that they want to be (hell, anyone can CHOOSE that, even men)…so I’m not sure why they think they aren’t feminists. Maybe there should be a reality show where those women go back to before we had the vote, before we had rights, or to countries where they DON’T have what we have here in the United States. Maybe then they’d get it.

Double sigh. Moving back to art…which has nudity and uteri and maybe a penis (not in the current one, sorry y’all). Not because I’m trying to shock you. Go back and read it again. Engage in a conversation with me. Don’t just sit there and fume over something that’s only happening in your head.

It’s still hot here in San Diego. That said, it cooled down over 10 degrees and there was a hint of thunderstorm activity (it rained for 14 seconds), so that helped. Kitten has been living in the sink (it’s the coolest place in the house)…

There’s yesterday’s baby thunderstorm…more noise than product (ha ha ha…wait a minute, I’m still talking about the Prez).

I did finish the stitch down…with two fans on me. One was on my face and one on my body. Too damn hot. Lights off (hard to see). My lights in here give off heat, unfortunately. I should fix that.

In the middle of sewing, I had an art group meeting down at Bread and Salt…I love the murals that keep popping up…and this one, melting, was appropriate.

Then back to stitching…I didn’t have much left.

Somewhere in the middle of all that stitching, I saw this. This morning, I redid my fridge whiteboard calendar for the next 5 weeks…and the first day of school is in that last week. NOOOOOOOOO. Yeah. OK.

I don’t have any money to spend right now, but eventually I’ll have to do all that too.

Here’s the back of the stitched-down front…

I always check the back to see if I missed stitching anything down. Sometimes I catch it here, before I change the needle out, but usually not.

It was hot enough for a bunny to sprawl on the driveway…we debated putting water out for them. Then we get mosquitoes though. Ugh. Solutions? I hate maintaining fountains (I suck at maintaining fountains. And the water heats up so fast. You see me dumping ice cubes out there all day, yeah? Maybe.

So before he moved the glass, it was better…there was a horse on the left and a brontosaurus on the right. You can still sorta see them. (yes, I see things in beer foam. I see things everywhere.)

We came back from (air-conditioned) dinner and I did four more of the orange balls. It was way to hot to have the wool on me, so I quit after four. I think there are 9 or so left.

And at the meeting, I did more of those coral-colored flowers. They are tiny and cool, but a pain in the ass.

I also noticed that in the quilt that Sue Spargo did, she stitched French knots all over the wild dog. I like that. But I don’t know if I have enough of that thread to do that, so I’m going to wait until the end? And then probably forget about it. Not sure how to make sure I remember? Maybe write it on the instructions for the last month? That would be smart.

I wanted to draw last night, but I drank too much water and my belly got unhappy and then I got tired and I just couldn’t deal with anything else. I’m hoping to do better today. I know I don’t have jury duty tomorrow, but I have to call in again tomorrow night. One day at a time…one more medical appointment conquered tomorrow, and then hopefully I’ll get Tuesday off as well, because I’m supposed to pick up a quilt and go to the chiropractor (I really need that one)…but we’ll see. Meanwhile, I just need to make art like I’m never going to get any more free time, don’t I? And keep conversing. I’m not writing off the human population…I often want to, and I’m sure they feel the same way about me, but I’d really just rather live in a peaceful, respectful, caring world that doesn’t kill people for their beliefs. Crunchy hippie. I know.

It’s Too Hot…

Ugh. Heat. Smashing my brain cells into headache cells. Yes, I drank water…like 8 gallons of it. And then immediately sweated it back out. I don’t have air conditioning, people. We open windows or close them, then put fans on, then drop a bunch of animals in the pool to cool them off. Including human animals.

So this was the car before I drove east home…at which point, it said 112 degrees. I think the official high in East County was 111 degrees, so I’m sticking with that.

I spent about 4 hours with my co-teacher (a) catching up, (b) complaining about school and shit, (c) sitting in air conditioning, and (d) actually doing school planning.

We managed all of Unit 1 and a good start to Unit 2. We might meet again, depending on the federal court shenanigans that are my summer existence. They called (the Feds) and left a truncated message on my phone that just said “(s;dlkfrag) Federal Court. Thank you.” Um. OK. Apparently if you pick up (who picks up on numbers they don’t recognize?), they remind you to call to check your status. Dudes. Abide. It’s on my fucking calendar.

Anyway, one more day will get us some wiggle room in August and September, which we will probably need.

Here’s the coffee place’s fancy Insta wall…very cute. They had a mild cactus theme. S3…not quite in Mission Valley, but on the eastern edge of it, which is probably close to halfway between our houses.

Plus they had science! This drink changes color when you dump the lemonade in it. I have video.

Sitting on a metrics worksheet, while the computer in the background shows little plastic animals, as we try to decide if they will fit in our graduated cylinders…like you do.

So at home, it was really really hot. The house was cooler than outside because the windows had been closed all day, but even then, the cat who is always hidden was lying in plain sight on the linoleum floor.

Eventually she moved to the bathroom sink, her preferred hot spot locale.

Boychild took the big dog in the pool. I took both of them in. Little one doesn’t like water, but he didn’t struggle. They have too much fur for that.

And in this heat, they dry almost instantly. Hey, it’s only supposed to be 104 degrees today.

So we watched Black Panther last night, and I thought it was way better handled than Wonder Woman. I can’t speak to the POC issue, because I’m white, but the women were appropriately clothed for their jobs, were strong and outspoken and smart (his sister!), and I really liked how that was handled. Although still the patriarchal issue of the king passing his power down to his son and men fighting, with strength being the key to winning. Why couldn’t the queen take over? As I age, shitty representations of women in books and movies become even more obvious and annoying. Oh yeah, and in government. As we watched, I embellished balls…orange balls…but only like three or four of them because this is a WOOL quilt and it was still 90-some degrees after 8 PM.

And then I was looking and thinking, hey self, there’s only two other colors when you’re done with this one. Aren’t there 6 colors? There are not. There are only 5. So I have finished 2/5s of the balls. Good to know. Plus no worries about how I don’t see another color, because there isn’t one. Thank woolly goddess. Going insane here. And here’s the other insanity…I’m close to done on the quilting of that other applique quilt, and then I was going to quilt the wool one that has been pinbasted for two years, and then this one will probably be done this summer and will also need quilting. Like I have time for that, because yesterday I finally looked at the calendar and it’s getting tight. They can’t put me on a trial…I won’t finish the two quilts I need to finish (damn, plus the two little ones that are supposed to be done by the 22nd. Ha! Oh dear. My brain needs to go into overdrive, which it totally can’t, due to the heat).

Anyway. So there’s that.

Sometime around 11 PM, I was finally able to come in here, point two fans at me, and stitch down. And you know what? The fucking tension was fine.

Sometimes that shit just drives me nuts because there’s no rhyme or reason to what works. Sometimes the spool needs to be horizontal, sometimes upright, sometimes through the metal thing, sometimes not. Sometimes tension is at 3, sometimes it’s at almost zero. I just can’t figure it out. Temperature based? Maybe. In which case, the machine likes it hot and uncomfortable.

So today? I have an art-related meeting, I’m going to try to finish the stitch down, I’m going to take a totally pointless shower, because I will be sweating instantaneously afterward. I haven’t had enough sleep, I have a massive headache, and it feels like there’s sand in my eyes…luckily it will just continue to be cooler in the next few days, the fire east of us is mostly under control, and I get to hang with art friends this afternoon. So those are good things. And maybe the federal government will release me next week too. Maybe. Or maybe I will have jury duty and then come home and be totally efficient afterward! It could happen.

I Turn to You, You’re All I See*

I didn’t get up early enough yesterday to write. I had to rush around dealing with animals. I went for my annual mammogram which was quick, easy, and painless. No really! It was. So I was convinced I’d have to go back in because they did it wrong. They also gave me this hairband for free. Apparently hair was getting into the scans and freaking out the radiologists, but they can’t reuse the hairbands.

So I tried to give it back, because you know, medical waste, reduce costs. But no. It’s mine now. We squish your boobs? You get a hairband. And everything was fine. Cleared until next year. Thank you.

Simba tryna make friends. Or just clean Calli’s nose. Hard to say.

Satchemo sleeping on my quilting chair. So I didn’t quilt for a while, because…respect for cats.

Eventually he left…this is actually the 4th of July…I finished the quilting around everything…

And then I started on the background…

And then I took a picture of these beetles mating.

And went back to working on the background.

Sewing around these embroidered trees was a little hairy…

Then we went down to Campland on the Bay for the show…this was the view behind me. It actually got cold eventually.

I do know I would never ever camp here…they’re packed in like sardines. It’s crazy crowded. And a lot of people who are not necessarily my tribe…I can handle it for an evening, but all of those kids are gonna be up at 5 AM…right next to your head. No way. But it was fine for the evening…I finished the wild dog, although I need to comb his fringe.

And then I finally started doing these crazy flowers…I’m on the July blocks? I think? But the instructions for the flowers are in the January instructions…which live in a notebook. So I finally took a picture of the instructions, then read the two sets of instructions (because it’s not exactly the same) like 300 times, and then did it and went OOOOHHHH.

Like that. So I have about 30 of those to do. I think.

This is the man doing his best impression of an old man telling you to get off the lawn…he was looking at the view behind me and all the crazy shenanigans people were getting up to when you’re at an urban campground in San Diego on the 4th of July.

I just tried not to look. Although I faced that way so I could duck when the kickball was headed toward me. Plus so many ways to desecrate the flag…and I don’t really care about that, but oh my eyeballs. At some point, you just laugh and shake your head and be glad you get to leave at the end of the concert.

Later that night, behind me were a million people and eventually about 5 different fireworks displays, which was cool…

It’s still not as cool as having them right over you though. It was a good show. The food was eh. Remember that for next year.

Girlchild asked me for a picture of us from when she was little. I sent her this…

Mom on very little sleep…looks like Thanksgiving (jacket, up at the mountains), so she’s about 3 1/2 months old. Ugh. The tired years.

Not that I sleep well now.

So yesterday, after the boob squishing (yes I know my brain is all over the map. Welcome to Kathy on Summer), I went to a friend’s air-conditioned house yesterday and had a hot flash from hell (I’ve been having lots of them in the last few weeks), so she had to turn a fan on me as well. And then I got cold afterwards because menopausal bodies are fucking insane. But I was trying to do stitchdown on this quilt. Because I started looking at the calendar again and I’m being fucking inept this summer.

But my machine’s tension was being a cranky ass bitch. So I kept having to stop and rethread and try to persuade it to work. Very frustrating. I did get almost halfway up (basically I’m about to do the uterus). So that was good. But it’s so freakin’ hot today, I don’t know if I’ll get any more done. I do sit at the machine with a fan right on me, but ugh…doesn’t feel like enough. If I ever remodel this room, maybe it will get air conditioning. Maybe. Except SDG&E wants us to reduce electricity use today (it’s supposed to be either 106 or 109 degrees, depending on which weather app you look at).

Last night, I finally got some balls done…in fact, I finished all of the second color, which was the Pekinese stitch. So that’s 2 out of 6 colors done.

Then I stared at the colors that were left and tried to decide which one was orange…and started fly stitches…

Seriously, the one next to it? Not orange. Blush. Ugh. Or maybe the pink one is blush. No, I think it’s pink. I don’t even know what the 6th color is. Whatever. No one but me (and Sue Spargo) will know. So not important.

Then my brain was hot and tired. But I didn’t want to not use the time. I feel like I’m losing time. So I stared at the blank sections of that drawing that’s been sitting on the light table for a long time, then figured out where to put the first line of waves (I’m taking two separate drawings that were put together in a long horizontal thing and I’m sort of stacking them and then adding and taking away).

Then I traced in the female figure, the hand, and the oil drums from the old drawing. There’s more going in…most of this base drawing is getting tossed though. And I have to decide where the bottom is and what’s going on the hill above it. There’s a couple of issues going on in the drawing…obviously some women’s issues, but also environmental. Currently it’s named Womanscape, but I don’t know if that will stick. Remind me when I don’t remember what I called it.

OK, today I am working for a while on actual school stuff, and then going into survival mode from excessive heat. I do have a pool…I wonder if I can put the sewing machine on a float. Except there’s a foot pedal. Hmmm. I need an engineering brain for this shit.

*Coleman Hell, 2 Heads