A Strange Place

I’m tired tonight. My head is in a strange place. Kinda floaty. Probably that’s the tired talking. Or I quilted my butt off today. OK. Not my butt. But I quilted a lot. More importantly, I quilted until I was fucking done. Ayep. That’s part of the floaty head thing I think. This quilt is almost done. It didn’t exist before the middle of November in any form whatsoever, except for a vague image in my head that followed me around to school and the gym, but wouldn’t vomit itself out on paper. And now it’s almost real.

Cool. My head’s still trying to figure that out. It’s been a quick quilt.

I spent a lot of time over the last two quilting days trying to keep Babygirl away from this quilt. She really really wanted to lie on it…

In fact, that photo above is after she tried stepping onto it, sneaking really, about three times in a row. To her credit, when I said no, she stopped. And looked away. Pretending she was really doing something else. You know, like cats do.

So I figured maybe she’d be happy with lying in the sun, and that worked for a while…

Because she is an old cat and it’s been cold here lately.

But then I left the room once, and she decided to sit on my quilting chair…which leaves no room for my butt…

So I pushed her back onto the computer chair. She was not pleased. There was some hissing and batting of claws towards humans.

This is not a human house, apparently, but a cat house.

I quilted yesterday for a few hours…

And in the bright sunshine. I also quilted today, for many hours…less sunshine. And at some point, I pulled the quilt off the machine and went and bought binding fabric…

And other fabrics, because they jumped into my arms and wanted to come home with me.

But the binding, interestingly enough, is the same as the background, except obviously a different color. I tried for a darker blue, but that’s a hard race to win with most shades of already-dark-blue. There’s lots of red in this quilt, so it makes sense…

Tomorrow, after dealing with my car, the dentist (x3), and god knows what else, I will trim this down and put a binding on it. Because photography Tuesday, maybe Wednesday. So that means I must get my butt into gear and just get it done.

Really, that’s relevant for so much in my life right now. But at this very moment in time, my brain is very tired and hovering around the strange place. It made me do math earlier. It took 11 hours and 38 minutes to quilt this…well below the 17 hours it took on the last one, thank god…because if I still had 5 1/2 hours to go, I wouldn’t be done in time. So that’s good. Right? Total, I have about 74 hours into this quilt right now. It’ll end up being about 80 hours, I think. Still a lot of hours in say 6 weeks? Thirteen hours a week? Really? Is that right? Wow. I’m a bit crazy. Just in case you were wondering.

The Day After…

The day after Christmas dawned bright and clear, although a bit cold for us Southerners (high of 60?). It was warm enough for hiking, of course, and after dealing with a variety of crap in the household that never seems to loose its hold on me, I donned my hiking boots, found someone willing to traverse the wilds with me (not hard), and took off on a trail that I’ve gotten lost on twice.

You’d think no one would dare come with me with those odds, and sure enough, I took one wrong trail, but quickly found the right one and actually made it around the whole loop (about 6 miles) without any trouble…

Holey crap. Love being outside. Tired afterwards, not a bad thing.

Looks like Spring! Yes, it’s December still. And now I know how to get back without getting lost. Finally. It’s only been a year. Honestly, I shouldn’t be allowed to lead anything.

When I came back, I had to go to a soccer game, where I stitched more on birds (nothing completed) and froze to death, not so quietly. It’s funny…the temperature seems OK when you get there, and then as time goes on, you get colder and colder, yes partly because the night is slowly creeping towards 38 degrees, but also because you’re sat frozen on a metal bleacher bench, not the warmest place in the world.

After that, warming up, and feeding children, who are picky as hell about their Mexican food (food is fuel, people), I came home and tried to pick out some bird fabrics…actually, I think I did this one before the soccer game.

This is another Hey Bird, number 3 I think…requested. Oooh. A commission. He was easy to do, because I can still find the original fabrics, although I don’t know what I have for the background…I’ll find something.

But this is Owl #3, a whole ‘nother colorway. I actually went for realism…the iPad is there because it had a picture of an owl on it, a barred owl of some sort…

The background will be harder to choose for this, I think, but it’s not like there’s a shortage of fabric here.

I’m glad I got those two to the next step…moving on. I’d like to get them done next week.

Then I quilted for a while…finished all the outlining and started the background quilting…

I didn’t get super far, because I got tired…but I’m about 6 hours in. More today. I already emailed the photographer, so now I have to be done by Tuesday morning. Can you say crazy? I can. I have somewhere I need to be this afternoon, but it won’t take long, then my evening is booked, happily. So there’s this morning, all day Sunday mostly, and all day Monday. If I can get it all quilted by Sunday afternoon, I can go get binding fabric.

Probably not this…

Although I can’t wait to use this somewhere…I love that Julie looks out for crazy fabric for me. Apparently there’s more coming at the next meeting.

Holidaze…

It seems I spent 24 hours straight cooking and cleaning and doing household mom-type things. I’m exhausted. How weird. Some people like doing this shit? Whatever. They crazy.

So this is how Kathy’s brain works: Yes, these are homemade cinnamon rolls…

No, they are artistic shapes. See how they expand to fill the space and the spiral changes to fit that shape?

And when the dish is a different shape, they do even weirder shit? Yup. Who needs hallucinogenic drugs when you have Kathy’s brain. On the positive side, we did just freeze that last dish of cinnamon rolls, because otherwise there is entirely too much sugar in the house (they are now covered with a river of maple-flavored sugar that might kill the diabetics among us). Plus there’s a drawing (or seven) that I need to do BECAUSE of the cinnamon rolls. Totally.

So Christmas morning started late, due to teenagers who sleep in (oh hell, I slept in)…

So did Grandma. Besides, it’s all about the children…I mean, the dogs. Calli got a tummy rub from everyone.

She loves Christmas. She doesn’t seem to notice that Jake is gone, but she’s never been the smartest dog in the world…Babygirl is getting used to boychild again…

Mostly, though, she sleeps a lot in the sun and on the chair in my office. She is directly behind my butt, even as I type.

I had two hours yesterday after gift-opening and cookie delivery to finish all the cooking and get to my ex’s house (turns out, I really had three hours, because girlchild was behind)…so I made green beans, cookies, and deviled eggs all at the same time while watching an amusing Wild West movie on television.

I actually frosted MOST of the cookies this morning. I took some over last night, but the frosting is supposed to dry, and I didn’t have enough time to do that. These are the POST-Xmas cookies…for the POST-Xmas sugar hangover. Which is why I’m going hiking in about 20 minutes. Probably I should go run 10 miles (not happening).

While waiting for dinner to get done, I drew…

I really like the dog. I might mess with this a bit more, try again maybe. I want to be in the habit of drawing.

Then I remembered I only had 10 minutes left on this bird…so I finished it.

There’s another soccer game tonight where I can start the next color way.

Finally, I left the ex’s house at around 9, after listening to girlchild read out all the comments on his old report cards (nothing was a surprise…to anyone at the table)…I fortified myself with caffeine, because yes, I was tired. I don’t want you to think I never get tired. I do. Freakin’ exhausted sometimes…but I bully through, have a cup of tea, and persuade my brain to keep going. Usually if I can get beyond the 8 PM slump, I can go for a while. And I hadn’t quilted during the day…I flat out ran out of time. So I was determined…

I got 2 1/2 hours in. That was good. The whole body is done and I’m up in the tree.

My goal is to finish the outlining tonight (after the soccer game) and start the background quilting. Of course, I also have to fit in some hiking, some hanging out, some eating, some soccer, some cleaning (again? WTF.), and who knows what else. I did just bribe the kids to do one of my errands though, so that is cool. Checks one thing off my list. Because part of finding the right balance in your life means not taking it all on yourself. Saying yes when people need help, but then also saying no. Or putting your foot down and saying, “I’m taking this time. It’s mine.” I’ve been working on all that shit for so many years…I’m almost getting good at it. Sort of. Going to put my boots on now…

Hooves on My Rooftop

OK, so it’s 10 minutes after midnight on Christmas Day. In the old days, I would have just finished putting all the Santa gifts out at whatever house Christmas morning would be. I might be stumbling into bed, actually tired, instead of wide awake like I am right now. I did nap earlier, though, so that’s like cheating. But once again, Christmas Eve was a psychotic race through shopping, cooking, and cleaning. Exhausted? Yeah. A bit. I did quilt though, and that was my goal. I wanted to be pinbasted yesterday, but the world conspired against me…so I got up early this morning and did it then instead…

This one is smaller on purpose…had to get done quicker, plus the gallery is relatively small and my work tends to be bigger than other media. I had to get up early because the plumber was coming at 9 to deal with the toilet that hasn’t worked for a good long time (turns out it was a nasty long living root) and I had to be at school at the same time. Our school staff donated over $1000 to a few needy students, and this morning, we delivered food and presents to 4 families. I was in charge of drawing/sketching supplies for a 7th-grade girl, so that was easy. I can always find a sketchbook and some stuff to color with. So the only time I was guaranteed to get it pinbasted was early. So I did. Because that’s the entryway floor and so you can’t have people coming in and out while you’re pinbasting.

The backing I found when I was moving fabrics around…I had quite a large chunk of it, so there’s still some left…

I seem to have a small piece of every skull fabric ever made.

After all the delivery of stuff and some errands, girlchild had finally sent me the Christmas dinner grocery list, so I headed over to get her and we went grocery shopping. Only two stores and 700 crazy people. It was good. OK. It was. I hate shopping under the best of circumstances, but at least most people are in a good mood on Christmas Eve, whether they want to be or not. We came back and I spent the next 8 hours cleaning and cooking. Girlchild went out to finish her Christmas shopping (we did some of that too), and I did one batch of cookies, then cleaned some more, then prepped something, I don’t know what else, there was a breakfast casserole in there, plus dinner, and also cookie dough to be cooked tomorrow. And cleaning. I hate cleaning. I especially hate it when it’s trying to find homes for things that need homes but you don’t really know where that home should be. I try to throw out as much as possible, but some of this stuff needed to be put away, not thrown. I wasn’t totally successful, but it’s better than it was. Really, why do we have three guitars?

It was a lot of hours. Honestly, I really wanted to be sitting on the couch, reading my book with a nice glass of wine at about 5 PM, but that didn’t happen. The glass of wine has finally shown up after midnight.

One of the things I wanted to do was a family photo. Not sure why. I’ve always done the kids and animals, but I guess I thought I should be in there too this year. Don’t know why. Girlchild and Calli are the only ones who are good at smiling…

But there it is. Now I can do a Christmas card. Yes, I realize it will be late. Whatever. Don’t judge. Let’s call it a 2015 card.

Girlchild wanted one with her and Calli by the tree.

They are both way more photogenic than I am.

Sweet puppy. She was sleeping on me while I napped.

So at some point in time…FINALLY…around 9 PM, I started quilting…

And I just did that until I started to get really tired…for almost 2 hours…

I wanted to do more, but my brain says that sewing while tired is a bad plan. Besides, I will have part of the afternoon tomorrow. I still need to make cookies (the dough is in the freezer) and green bean casserole (not the one everyone else makes…we have a special Nida version with no onions or cream of mushroom soup) and deviled eggs. The breakfast casserole is ready to go in the oven. Our fridge is so freakin’ full it’s crazy. I almost drove the chickens over to my ex’s house, because she’s cooking there tomorrow and his fridge is mostly empty compared to mine…but here…

She made cinnamon rolls from scratch. She crazy.

Anyway. I’m quilting. That’s good. It was a crazy busy day, but mostly it’s done now. And I wish I had gotten more done, but then again, I always wish that. I wish for the sound of hooves on the rooftop too…it’s a sign of magical doings during a magical season. Remembering when the kids were small and there was that crazy excitement…instead of the crankiness I’ve been experiencing lately. Theirs…not mine. And half the house is really clean, which is nice. The other half…I’m working on it. Have I thought about grades? Fuck no. They can wait. How long will the quilting take? I don’t know. The last one took 17 hours to quilt. Holy crap. I hope this one doesn’t. It’s smaller. It has fewer pieces. I don’t think I can finish in time if it’s 17 hours. Maybe I can. Whatever. I’m two hours in. All I can do is log more hours tomorrow, because it’s Christmas Day, and it should always include artmaking…the gift to myself.

Best Present Ever

So in case you haven’t noticed, Christmas is about to bitchslap you across the face, whether you like it or not. I’m so not ready. The tree is finally done, and there’s three presents and a big fat black cat underneath it, waiting to vomit up the three pounds of pine needles she’s eaten.

The house is getting closer to clean, after I threatened all living bipeds in the house and got the floors cleaned (well, part of them…I have to do the rest, and no, there are no undead bipeds here). The shopping…oh god. The shopping is not done, and I’m afraid of going anywhere, plus we’re still down to one car, because the mechanic can’t find the problem in mine, so he’s gonna drive it to LA and back today to do his Christmas shopping and to see if it will reproduce the issue (not really. But I told him he could.).

Girlchild had a soccer final yesterday; they lost in the penalty kicks. It sucks, but life goes on. She was more traumatized by it than I. I was traumatized by the yelling that happened afterward and the 45 minutes I had to spend in the grocery store with other people who could not find the fancy cheeses and the eggnog. Apparently I have to go again, because Meat Armageddon here at home for Christmas dinner. I suggested we just serve side dishes and dessert and fuck the meat. I know three people who will fuss about that though. I also know three who won’t. And the dessert is chocolate, and I still won’t complain.

I stitched at the game (I also finished my book, because it was warm and sunny and people are annoying and I don’t want to talk to them right now).

Another bird done…and there’s the third one in this group that is almost done. Seriously, it would take me like 10 minutes to finish it.

Then I made a concerted effort to clean crap up and get the house in shape for Christmas morning, which is here. At my house. But one of the chores for break was to replace two broken fabric drawers, because the sun was starting to fade some of the fabrics…I had bought a bunch of new containers a while ago, but never got around to doing the deed…and what’s cool is that if I buy three more, I actually have more storage space under there.

These are shorter in height, so I can fit three instead of two in there. They’re also thinner in width, but I think that’s OK. I had four in there before and all the blacks and pinks were in those four, but I had about 6 or 7 shoeboxes worth of pinks on top of that, and I think I can get all of them into two more drawers, and then maybe move some of the brown or gray that’s taking over the world into the third drawer. I’m really working on organizing this shit. The old drawers were from when I was married, and plastic does age, especially plastic in the sun. I couldn’t get opaque drawers cheaply this time, so I have old towels covering the backs of these, because yes, that’s a sliding glass door behind them that never opens. Whatever. You make a studio wherever and however you can.

But there is no way in hell I am going to the mall today to get three more drawers. That’s crazy talk.

I finally started stitching down last night again…

I did a little before I made dinner, and then a bunch after…

I was waiting up for girlchild, who has now finished two college applications…of you don’t want to know how many…and needed a break to ice skate. In Southern California. Whatever. I think Denny’s was involved. Remember high school and Denny’s? Yeah.

That pile is going to be awesome when the quilting happens. So I need to sandwich and pinbaste today (which means I need to clean yet another floor), but first we’re doing the gym and I do have about 400 other things to do. I really wanted to draw yesterday, but I can’t find the mental space (or physical space…there’s competition for couch space now). So maybe…um…shit, I don’t know when.

But back to the title of this post. I realized I would be quilting on Christmas Day. You know that down time between opening presents and serving dinner? I don’t have to cook much, being the support chef only, so mostly, I do art stuff during that down time. Every year. Whatever project I’m working on, I get to spend time working on it, usually in a very peaceful space with no one bugging me. Sometimes I have to take dogs for a walk (we’re down to one dog…that’s sad…and yes, we considered puppies for everyone for Christmas presents). Sometimes I am stuck at a grocery store (hell). But mostly, I give myself the gift of art time. That whole art/work/life/love balance is on my mind today. Making sure you get what you need AND what you want…best present ever. Looking forward to it.

So Close

So. Dog. Sigh. Boychild says he wishes he saw him one last time (he comes home tomorrow). I petted him a long time the last time I saw him, the day before. So. That’s all you can do. We’ve lost so many animals over the years, because we take them in and they don’t live long, and some people don’t like that part of it so much that they won’t have any, and I figure they had a pretty good time of it while they were with us. Ivy only lived 6 years, and no, I haven’t replaced her. Considering doing that when the second kid goes off to college. We’ll see.

Today is the day all my students have to have their major project turned in. I did it all online (almost), so I should have almost no paper turned in. That part is seriously awesome. No need to come in over break and grade a bunch of lame posters and one good one. Granted, I haven’t finished grading their science journals, because I’ve been having to hold so many hands in class (“Google it!”), and I still don’t have a great solution to the video issue (not even technology!), but every year is a learning experience. Every Fucking Year. No seriously…one of the things I love about teaching is that I’m never bored. I often joke about getting a job that I don’t have to bring home with me (and won’t wake me up at 2 AM with technology-related nightmares, like the last three weeks), but I would probably be bored all day.

Anyway. There’s two more days. I think I can survive that. Two days, two soccer games, one dinner out, one plane arrival, some 100 pieces, not even, that need ironing.

Seriously, if I hadn’t been tired last night (and as it is, I went to bed WAY too late), I would have just kept going. I wanted to just keep going. My brain couldn’t handle it. Some parts require more brain power to iron together than others, and this part was one of them.

I started late, though, because I came home from the gym and the girlchild had some holiday dessert item all over the kitchen, so I had to wait dinner prep until she was almost done, and then she took over, but we didn’t eat until almost 9.

Then someone really really wanted attention last night.

Actually, two things: I think she wanted my tea (she likes tea) and the iron was warm. So yeah. Mostly about her.

So I ironed…started around 10:20 PM. Yup. I work late. Kind of a workaholic, if you haven’t noticed.

And I got through the legs, abdomen, right arm is done except for a vein/artery thing and a tattoo, left arm needs fingers…then the lung/heart combo in the middle is where I got tired. But that and the face is all that’s left. Seriously, it’s not even 100 pieces…

That’s all there is. It would have been another 45 minutes I think. But I also knew that I couldn’t get it ironed down to the background last night, so I would be ironing tonight ANYWAY, so I thought it would be OK. Although I have a soccer game, a holiday dinner, and then I have to make stuff for tomorrow’s holiday breakfast. So I will be starting late again. The tired will catch up soon.

Eight hours into the ironing. Toldja the second half wouldn’t take as long. Well, it will probably be another 2 hours with the background stuff. It’s a little fussy and takes time, although this one is all one piece, basically. Not like the last one, where the tree drove me bonkers. OK. Wait. There’s another tree with things hanging off of it. Damn. Those suckers are a pain to get laid down right. Who keeps drawing those fuckers? Someone who doesn’t like me?

It is true that I never think of how hard it will be to MAKE when I’m drawing it. Never crosses my tiny little mind.

Oh well. I don’t have to think about that for another 13 or 14 hours. Actually, I really really want to avoid all the project-turning-in drama at school and stay home and iron. But I won’t. Because I’m responsible like that. And a little crazy. Plus I want all those damn journals graded before break. So close.

Finis

Hey. Shhh. Over here. C’mere. Hey. (It’s done. The quilt. I finished it. Really. I did.)

Sigh. Started numbered the drawing September 6. That’s the first official time I take usually; sometimes I keep track of the taping, if it seems bad, but this one got taped and then drawn on the full-size, and I don’t keep track of drawing time. Finished November 17. I guess you could argue finished November 18, because it was after midnight, but I don’t consider it the next day until I’ve gone to sleep and woken up again. Completely arbitrary? Well yeah. I got a late start on the binding yesterday, because I had to meet the girlchild at the sports store to buy her soccer gear after school. I got home (completely exhausted by then) and decided (because I was braindead with exhaustion) that I should paint right away. Something about the paint drying before I started sewing and having more brain power then than later, for some quantity of “MORE”.

The real problem with the painting is that I have a ton of fabric paints, but most of them have dried up, being old, and I really should open every jar and toss anything that’s unusable. But if I had done that, I wouldn’t have been able to paint last night…so I didn’t.

I managed to mix something very close to the lighter color of the briefcase. Took me a while to get it, but I did.

I never took a picture of the bleed through, which is too bad, because it was pretty bad there. Less so in other places. (Must train self to wash with Retayne) Just trust me…there was a swath of blue across the light brown…

And now there isn’t. What a relief.

I used colored pencils and a little bit of paint on a couple other bits that had issues…

But otherwise, I left it there to dry while I moved money and calculated college costs, then cooked dinner and texted the boychild back and forth for an hour. He has snow on and off and ice and cold and rain and cold. Frozen hair (he has a lot of hair). I send him videos of his cat being a brat and he sends pictures of puppies and kittens and long dense sentences out of his essays that I then have to try to make sense of out of context.

Then I wrote a few thousand words where my main character communes with her bad plant self.

And then I sewed binding, poking holes in my fingers again. I don’t do well with thimbles. Put them on and then avoid that finger. It’s like my brain thinks there’s something wrong with the thimbled finger and tries to protect it, so it uses another finger. I debated whether I could finish last night…I had one whole short side, most of a long side, and then two sleeves.

I had one of my trusty companions.

There was another one, but she kept licking the stitching hand, so she got pushed off. I sewed for almost two hours and it was done. Please don’t ask when I went to sleep. It was entirely too late. It probably shows in my face today. But I’m done. Deep breath. I’ll have to total the hours later, because I have a parent meeting this morning. But the trimming and binding was almost 8 hours total and there was about an hour of painting and coloring. Not a small number of hours…and basically I did it in a little over 2 months. During the school year. Yup. Crazy. My hand is sore this morning from the sewing.

The next one? I only have 6 weeks. Ha! But I also have 3 weeks of vacation in that time, so I’m hoping that helps. And it needs to be smaller. So I should probably draw fewer pieces. I’m already at war in my head with this one (ironic, since it’s for a show about women and war). Drawing tonight hopefully. Also need to dehair and pack quilt for photographer…see, if you set up the photo appointment, then you HAVE to finish it. Minor issue: it has no name. I had one pop into my head just now, but I don’t know if I like it. And the boychild would argue it only deals with the traditional genders, which is true. I wasn’t having trans v cis issues, just the standard man v woman in society issues. There are two blogposts on this that I’ve been writing on and off for months. Maybe they will surface in the next week, along with my report from Houston. Maybe.

Philosophy on a Monday Morning…

There’s something about nearing the end of making a quilt that is sort of a letdown. You’ve spent all these hours, you’ve beat yourself up about not meeting this or that deadline that you arbitrarily set in your head, it’s been your life for months, and then…then it’s gone. It’s done. You’re done. It abandons you. It’s no longer the focus of your life. And if you don’t have another one, Right There, ready to take over the part of your mind that needs that level of distraction, of creativity, of something that gives you satisfaction in a world that is incredibly frustrating at the moment, then it can be depressing. And I think sometimes the brain needs to lie fallow a bit in between projects, not that I’ve let it do that in the last year, because for me, where I am, fallow means significant depression, falling into a nasty hole that I have to then drag myself back out of, and that happens even WHEN I’m creating. It’s worse when I’m not.

I have a project to start right now, though. It’s drawn in my head. It’s not on paper. I just emailed my photographer, so this current thing has to be done by Wednesday (I’m almost done with the binding, and then I will deal with the bleed). And I have quilt class on Thursday and I need something to take by then, so that means I have to draw the new one and copy it and tape it by Thursday after school. HA! Yeah. I know. But if you set crazy-ass deadlines like that, worst-case scenario you fail and you say, well, it was crazy anyway. But I’m behind where I wanted to be right now. I wanted the gender quilt done by Saturday. Now it’s Monday. That is obviously a giant fail (not). I’m doing OK. I’m a little worried about time, but I’ll figure it out.

After spending an entire weekend essentially working (second one in a row), I’m a little tense and cranky. I realize that. I don’t have a lot of outlets for that any more. I do stupid things to make myself feel better, like change the sheets on the bed to flannel (it’s getting cold), or throw out something someone gave me that I never liked but was useful, but hell, I really don’t like it and I don’t need it really, it’s just useful, and being raised to be somewhat of a hoarder is a difficult thing to break. But it’s gone now! Now if I could just get the rest of the crap under control. I read. I go to the gym. It’s not enough. It will have to do at the moment, though.

I went over 30,000 words on the novel (understand that I actually have over 56,000 words…but I started with a bunch written in the first place). I added an isolation tank last night. Who knew? I had to go Google them and how they worked, but the idea came to me from watching Fringe episodes. My brain is doing this, “What would you do if you needed to get this reaction?” thing, and it searches all the old databases in my head, and then I Google something like “What’s the name of that water tank that the doctor in Fringe used to use?” which is like the worst Google search ever in the world, but popped up exactly what I needed (previously known as sensory deprivation tanks). And then I was searching “epsom salts and plants,” which was another revelation. I love that the world we live in is so knowable on some levels, so searchable, even though it makes other parts of my life a pain in the ass (how easy it is for my students to contact me at all hours…the dating spreadsheets you now need to keep just to figure out if you want to date someone…the fact that you still have to pick up registered mail from the post office during their stupid hours because there’s no way to do that online).

Anyway. I’m managing things. There’s some magical thing that’s supposed to happen now where I have everything under reasonable control (ha!) and happiness just appears, like a leprechaun and his gold or a genie in a lamp. I think it’s some switch I’m supposed to pull inside my head, but I’m still looking for it. Still trying to get all the crap out from before…an analogy between my brain and my house. I don’t have the time or energy to get everything put back or dealt with from the remodeling over the summer; I can’t get my office clean all over, just 2-foot square at a time; the garage is a scary time warp that seems to breed bizarre half-broken items that I might need in the zombie apocalypse, and even if I don’t, I don’t have time to go through and figure it out right now. I’m not sure if the brain or the house comes first. Which can I get cleaned up for real? I do have time planned over break to deal with the house. If I knew how to do the brain part, I would…but I don’t. I don’t think I was built to just be content with my life. I think I was designed to ever be looking to change, adjust, make better, clean up, improve. I don’t know that I could do the art the way I do without that. Is the creative part of my brain, the part that’s always reflecting and searching and making and observing, is it why I can’t just sit back and say, OK, this is OK? This will do. Because it won’t. It’s not.

Philosophy on a Monday morning…always an issue.

Apparently Adam and Eve…

So. I can’t show you the trimmed quilt. I can tell you some things about it though. First of all, apparently I made an Adam and Eve quilt. I guess that makes sense when you are looking at an image of gender equality and you have a society with all these images of Adam and Eve together, who really are not quite about gender equality (or ARE they…you don’t have to read the pictures with scripture supporting them), but the tree…I wasn’t thinking when I was drawing. I just like trees. But there are so many trees in the Adam and Eve paintings. I did leave the snake out! Interesting that, because I often include a snake. In fact, I just realized the snake in Love (not) probably has more symbolism than I even had thought about. This is why it’s kinda funny to watch the video my mom took at Celebrating Silver when the nice woman asks me what the skull symbolizes and I snarkily say Death, but I’m not even sure that’s the case. When I draw, there are things that have power, weight, meaning, that I plan on including for just those reasons, and then there are the things that sneak in when I’m not really thinking about it. Subconscious symbols just wandering around and plopping themselves on the paper. Because if it took both Adam and Eve to make all humanity, and that’s from the biblical times, before we understood the genetic implications of that, before we knew there were factors from Mom AND Dad that became a part of each human child, then at what time did one become more important than another in any part of the world? Why do women have to be the cookers and cleaners and the baby-minders? Why do men have to be the money-wranglers and decision-makers? Why does anyone have to be in charge? Why this perennial argument over who is REALLY in charge? I’m not really arguing about religion here, but about the images that religion has co-opted or paid for to support their doctrine (because a lot of religious paintings were paid for by the church, and you can’t piss off the boss, so you paint what you’re told unless you’re a rebel). Yes, I had to study all that stuff in school. Years and years of That’s All There Was…religious paintings. And they are fascinating in the ways they are different, but also in the ways they are the same. The Madonna, the baby Jesus, God in his sky, Adam and Eve on the ground, the tree, the animals, the snake.

So yeah, all that to tell you I made an archetypal Adam and Eve quilt. That you can’t see until January. It’s cool, though. Even the girlchild said so. I trimmed it (and ouch, I think I lost 3 inches with all that tight quilting, so don’t tell anyone, but I think it’s gonna be about 1/4 to 1/2″ too short. SHHH. I’ve never had one too small. Crazy.).

I wasn’t going to put the binding on right away. I was going to write first. But somehow, I just kept ironing, and then cutting, and somehow sewing, and then I might as well pin it…and it was done.

I asked the girlchild to help me out by wrapping the UK Xmas gifts for me…did she finish? Fuck no. This happened…

So it’s still not done. Sigh. Tonight.

I promised a photo of the skateboarding skellies…

I’m in love with this, especially the guy who is skateboarding over skelly parts.

Tonight? Sewing bindings. Very exciting. Yup. Got bug videos to watch. Seriously. I do.

Call Yourself What You Like…

So I entered this art show recently that wanted me to categorize my art as fiber, textile, or weaving. OK. Well, I know it’s not weaving, because I’m not fucking weaving anything. There’s no under over under over bam bam bam (I grew up with a weaver. That sound is embedded in my brain. Try watching TV with a weaver in the room.). That said, the fabric is woven. Technicality. Now I usually call myself a fiber artist if I’m not calling myself a quilt artist, because I use the methodology and techniques of quilting, but then people get their gramma’s quilts in their heads and what I do just makes their brains explode, so I call myself a fiber artist because it gives me some distance from gramma. But sometimes when I say that to people outside the fabric world, they think I mean the fiber you eat that cleans out your colon, and I’m like YES, THAT kind of Fiber. I make art with Metamucil. Yup. So then you say you’re a textile artist, but I’m not sure that’s a whole lot better, because what the fuck does that MEAN? So I ask my daughter, and she says, “Call yourself what you like.” Wow. I raised that child, didn’t I? So I start looking up the definition of fiber, which seems wrong, except in a holistic sense, more like thread, so if I were a basketweaver or a knotter maybe, so I look up textile, and it says something about weaving fibers, and fuck. I don’t freakin’ know which these are and then I wonder if I should even be ENTERING, but the description definitely says anything using textile materials or techniques, and before I run around the house ripping my clothes off and RENDING them into materials I can use in my next quilt, screaming, and rolling myself into a tiny urine-soaked ball in the corner of my incredibly messy studio that definitely needs cleaning, I click TEXTILE on all of them and thus define myself for the rest of my life.

Or not. Really. It’s hard to say. Probably I shouldn’t be allowed out though.

So. The good news is that I FINISHED QUILTING. Fuck me. I am relieved. And saddened. But I think the saddened is mostly unrelated hormones, so ignore it.

I had guessed 15 hours, but that was before some psychotic bitch took over my brain and made me do teeny tiny squiggles all over the background, so I clocked in at 17 1/2 hours instead. Yup. Two point five hours of squiggling. And last night, when I looked at the clock and said, Fuck yeah, I can do it and who the fuck needs sleep anyway? Well, then the thread broke and the bobbin thread ran out and the thread broke again and I just continued to bully through until it was done. And that was the 2.5 hours right there.

Back only. You wanna see the whole thing? Come to the opening in January at Visions Art Museum. Or hang out here until then. I’ll post it then. I promise. It’s kinda cool. Now I gotta draw the next one. Cuz I’m starting it! Like NOW! Because I keep saying yes to things and at some point that means I have to do the things I said yes to.

Sigh.

And in the hopes of continuing to drag my depressoid brain (thank you, thyroid, for being a stingy asshole) out of the mud and into something like a life, I went over 25,000 words on NaNoWriMo yesterday…which means I’m over 50,000 words for the whole book. Halfway done with both, really. And what was weird was that I just started writing and she fainted. And I didn’t even realize she was GOING to faint. It just happened, and then I thought, why is she fainting? And that answer came too, and it was part of the story, an additional point in the plot, foreshadowing leading up to tomorrow’s action, tomorrow not being today or Saturday, but tomorrow in the story, which is now today, because I got to today in the story. Confused? This is why I have comments telling me in the story what day it is, because Saturday lasted for about 40 pages. Sunday was not as long. There was more sleeping and less action. As there SHOULD be on a Sunday, right? Today is a Monday, and Mondays suck. So this one will suck too.

I haven’t actually decided whether there is a happy ending. I think there is not. I know there is no sequel. So I think it is not. Maybe it is a hopeful ending, but maybe it is an ending where a dozen young women send me hateful contact email about how I killed off their favorite person ever. (see Divergent. She had to die guys. Oops. Spoiler.)

Because that’s how I roll. Crazy. I know.

Binding on tonight. Seriously. It has to. And then I start hand-sewing it, because this thing has to be done. Which means Sunday morning, I need to figure a way to deal with where the blue batik bled. Although it’s minor on most of it, there’s one place that’s bad. It’s OK. I have a plan. Sort of. I am trained for these maneuvers. I have the technology. (Technology just means tools, by the way. Someone told me that. Tools. I got ’em.)

Boychild is texting me about Cambodia and snow! Snow! Not here. No, he’s not in Cambodia. He’s in New York. Here we have drizzle. Well, we HAD drizzle. And my feet are cold (thyroid) and I need to switch the bed over to flannel (thyroid) and there’s a shitload of things I have to get done this weekend around the two school-related things I’m doing that are totally eating up the whole weekend anyway, so there (job that takes over life). And girlchild wanted me to drop her off at the other high school for the Magic Mountain trip at…GET THIS…4:30 AM. Really? Because I probably just went to bed. I think I’d rather have her leave her car there all day and have it stolen (because it probably would be) than do that.

At least you don’t have to listen to me complain about the quilting any more.