See Where That Goes…

Hey y’all. Two days of silence. Well, only here. The rest of my existence has been loud. I just didn’t have time to write in the last two days. But today, I am back to school, and this is part of my morning wakeup routine. I’m really not awake until after 9 AM, which is difficult, because I usually have students at 9. And they require interaction…energy I usually don’t have at 9 AM. Hence writing, which gets the word part of my brain in gear, plus also makes me reflect on the day and what I might need or want to get done.

Needs and wants are often very different, of course. I want to go back to sleep, because oh hells that was a shitty night’s sleep and I’m mostly braindead…but no, I get to sit through a few hours (or more) of meetings and professional development, which is pretty much the bane of my existence. I mean, I guess another colonoscopy would be worse, but I don’t need another one of those for like 10 years, so that’s a plus. These damn things come every week (although not the all-day version, which has its own special level of suckage). It is what it is. My day job pays the bills and is generally not boring and I even enjoy the teaching/kid parts (well, mostly), although not when I realize two of my top students were copying off each other. I’m disappointed in that.

I’m also sort of reeling still about finding out Saturday that my cousin Jennifer died. She was a sweet and quietly sarcastic woman and although she had been sick for a while, we all had hope that things would turn around. I did see her in October, but had plans to do that again…too late. So I’m sort of walking around in a daze with that one…trying to put something that makes sense in that hole in my head where she resided.

Saturday I was in Palm Springs for a class taught by Svetlana Shigroff…who I follow on Instagram. I’m not sure how I found her…Instagram has its algorithms…”you like this so your friends like that”. I had seen her work and then a video of her making the work, and I was fascinated by the process and the product. I feel like I should follow those urges to learn new things, so when I saw she had a class coming up (I actually missed the first one in November, couldn’t go then), I signed up. Yes, it’s a 2-hour drive. Each way. It was Winter Break. I felt like I could handle that.

And I could…the class was tufting, which is kind of like rug hooking…here’s the setup…

You can see the weird tool we used on the frame.

You work from the back…

It took me a while to get the loops regular and consistent…

This is still from the back. You can use a variety of fabrics, but I stuck to jersey because for me, it was more about the image than the texture.

There were about 13 people in class. I’m pretty sure I knew one of them from somewhere (odds of that)?

Still from the back. Definitely some new muscles using this beast.

I got as much done as I could…

Here’s the whole class with their pieces…

I’m famous! Nah. But if you want to follow the artist on Instagram, you can…

You can see I didn’t sit for this…

And she had a better picture of the group than I did.

I made it home by 5:30 and settled down for some cheery Chernobyl and brainless stitching.

The next day, I had an opening up at the beach…so you need to see the water…yeah?

I have two pieces in this show with Allied Craftsmen at the Front Porch Gallery in Carlsbad, California. This is my work, Desert Daughter, in front of Arline Fisch’s cool metalwork.

And my snarky self with Some Like It Hot…which meant I got to explain menopause to two college students.

Home to kitten activity…and getting ready for school.

Sometimes they stop moving. On me.

Finally started drawing again…this thing will be done soon, with or without Luna’s help…

It’s coming. All good. Meanwhile, school is back in the schedule. I can be irritated by the lack of work I got done over break, but there’s no need or purpose for that. I am trying to process Jennifer’s absence. I have a lot of grading that’s still not done. I can’t fix all that. I can just start now and see where it all goes.

There’s Ploding

OK, since I resized the photos and opened this blogpost, SEVENTEEN THOUSAND THINGS have shown up in text, my inbox, my brain, wherever. I hate the last few days of break. They implode. Or explode. There’s ploding. Of some sort. I literally can’t focus on anything, even my eyeballs are all floaty things and goo. Wait. Maybe that’s pinkeye. No. Why would I have pinkeye? I wouldn’t. OK, so I’m just tired and there’s too much looking at things going on. IDK how you go through life without looking though. I’m an observant person. Maybe I look too hard or too much. Whatever that means.

I can’t get anything done the last few days of break. I mean, I get things done, but things explode in time, like a pufferfish or those biscuits you break out of the cardboard tube or bread rising. Like one thing yesterday that should have taken not much time took forever. Well. In my head.

Anyway, so I should accept the time-wasting, the fast-moving (only in my head) clock. Just accept. Yesterday, I did manage to go to Dick Blick for fancy art paper. I didn’t need much…but it means driving downtown. Well, I drove to SDSU first and that was a mistake because mapping sucks AND it was closed for break. So I don’t like the downtown one because parking is hellacious. But I managed it and got the paper, because I’m making an artist book. No really. Not one you’ll want to read so much. Well, honestly, I just don’t know what I’m doing with it, but I needed paper I could make a box (or 17) out of. So it’s a good thing I took that class over the summer about paper building and boxes and embroidery, because now I’m gonna use it. Well. Maybe not the embroidery. We’ll see.

I also finally finished grading the huge assignment. Well. There’s another one. This one felt huge while I was doing it.

The next one probably will too. Although the fact that not everyone turned in the next assignment will mean it takes less time.

OK, so I’m still in this brain place that hasn’t started drawing the next quilt. I think it’s because I’m still doing a drawing a day. Maybe I should stop.

I like the birds.

I had some stuff that was copied and I taped one of them together…

But it won’t work for either of the two library shows (I sent an email for clear guidelines on what’s allowed, but I’m pretty sure nudity is out). And it’s not what I want for the next big one. I just need to draw it.

Maybe that’s today’s plan. Clear the light table, prep a big damn piece of paper, and start drawing it.

I’m still working on the binding…with doggie help.

Or not. This was around midnight. I finished the last side and started one of the sleeves. One finger is really hurting. I’m not sure it’s related to this…I think I pin-stabbed it. Whoops. Simba really just wants me to rub his belly instead of stitching.

I even got Kitten at one point…

The other kittens were out being treated for worms. Gross stuff. They came back and played around for a while and then got locked up in the crate for sleepy time.

Boychild has been digging up this Tree of Heaven (it’s a weed…a seriously fucking tree weed that goes to the center of the Earth and out the other side)…

He keeps finding glass buried down there. I’m pretty sure the newest pieces are vintage whisky bottle…

Fascinating shit out there…

Meanwhile…today…I need to get new hiking boots. I need to start grading the last of the hellacious things. I need to pull some quilt rolls out for a curator who’s doing a ‘studio visit’ tomorrow (my studio is the whole house…makes it difficult). I need to take a freakin’ shower! Seriously this day is kicking my butt. I need to make the other batch of scones before the ingredients go bad. I need to clear the damn light table and start drawing! Yes. That thing. OK. Well. Let’s start with the shower and see how the day goes. Or not. Because the boychild is still doing laundry. OK. Let’s start with the quilt rolls or the scones or maybe the light table. SEE! This is how it starts. I should write all the tasks on little pieces of paper and put them in a jar and then pick one to do first. Geez, even I am rolling my eyes at that.

I can only do what I can do. And realizing that the end of break is ALWAYS this fucked up should help.

Running Low on Butter…

I had this terrifying (school) dream last night. I hate those. For some reason, I went out to lunch during the school day (so unrealistic…lunch is 30 minutes and includes peeing for the first time in 3+ hours and eating lunch after getting everyone out of your classroom), and ended up in some sort of weird protest/trip in a bus/possible performance art thing with a teacher I really don’t like and doesn’t even work at my school any more (shit, now y’alls are tryna figure out who THAT is) and she was all chill and meditative and so was I until I realized my class started in 10 minutes and we were miles away and how the fuck am I getting back and I’m running, literally RUNNING to class, but all of a sudden, I’m running up my childhood street (Mirasol!) and toward my old high school, but you know how when you’re running in a dream, it’s like the street is lengthening or you’re being held back or something crazy like that? And the phone rings, and it’s the AP Secretary wanting to know if she should get a sub for me, and I’m like NO, I’M COMING I SWEAR, just drop someone in there until I get there, but the street is like quicksand and I can’t even move.

So there’s that. Helluva a way to wake up this morning. Too early. The man is at work this week and I went to bed late because I wasn’t tired yet and I was on a stitching roll and I just didn’t want to (petulance noted). So I got woken out of this dream…nah…nightmare, groggy, WTF is that noise (the shower), and UGH. Yeah. Well. Should go to bed earlier, but I know my brain. Lying in bed, TRYING to fall asleep is not a thing. I mean, it’s a thing, but not a good thing.

Speaking of school, yesterday’s post hit a nerve with co-teachers, that’s for sure. I still have most of that one big assessment to grade and ALL of the other one. Oh well. And all the makeup work. It won’t all get done. I did end up going to the gym yesterday, which was lovely. I love the gym. I’ve missed the gym. Somehow I need to figure out how to balance the pilates and the gym and the hikes. There’s so little time for all of those. Boychild and I are trying to figure one last hike out for this week. I do have to go to school today. Well, I could go to the copy store or I could try to print rubrics here, or I could break into my co-teacher’s house and steal the extras she has, because we didn’t divide them evenly enough and I am 21 short. Fuuck. Also I need to go buy paper if I’m going to try this artist book thing for an upcoming exhibit. Plus the kittens have worms and the dogs eat their poop, so now I need to call the vet about whether to worry about THAT shit (shit…hehehe). Sigh. The answer is probably yes.

Yesterday’s drawing…

Very overlappy.

I got 3/4 of the binding done, so I have 1/4 and the two sleeves left.

Time to email the photographer.

Kitten has a special message for all of us…

I’m with her on that.

I woke up (the second time, after going back to sleep after the teacher nightmare) wanting to do an artist’s residency. I’ve thought about them for years, applied to a few. Realistically, I need electricity. I think. Maybe. I just don’t know. I need to be away. It has to be on a school break. It needs to be away from here. Somewhere different. Thinking about that. Always thinking about that. Sigh.

OK, do some stuff today. Get it done. Did I tell you I made 24 scones last night? Three batches…still need to do the blueberry ones. Had all the ingredients (running low on butter though). Froze them all up for the next month of school…if only I could do all the lunches and dinners too. I mean, I know I COULD…but would I want to? Eh.

Oh Yes, Procrastinate…

Best teacher skill ever! We’re all experts. I’m writing this and reflecting on yesterday’s work or not work while listening to a podcast on how to reduce time spent grading assignments. Ironically. Because I didn’t finish a full assignment yesterday. I almost did, but it hurt too much, and I quit early. Not really early…it was almost midnight. OK, to be truthful, I graded a bunch and then quit and drew some stuff and THEN tried to grade some more, because I wanted to be done, and I made it through three and stopped AGAIN. THAT was almost midnight. I was tired. My head hurt.

I find when I’m feeling this way, like I’ve done nothing, I should reflect. I did take a bunch of stuff to dad’s dumpster yesterday, stuff the boychild deconstructed. I took one dog to the vet for a shot and got medicated shampoo for the other dog. I made it to the pet store and stocked up on dog and cat food for at least the next month. I like having everything set up for the next month when I come back after break, because it always feels overwhelming to just EXIST after a break, so I need things to be easier when they can be. No matter what I do, it will feel overwhelming. I cut up and cooked a ton of apples for scone-making today, again, to freeze for the next month or so. Baking today. Good plan. I did grade MOST of one of the largest periods of assessments. I can easily finish today and start the next (and last) class. The essays are gonna kick my butt, and that’s all there is to it. I did my drawing a day…can’t explain it, but obviously whatever I was watching had some effect…

You would think so, but I was watching more Craft in America and it was mostly Native American artists…so not so much. All the Craft in America stuff is available on YouTube, by the way. I’m really enjoying it. I even know some of the people in it, like in person.

Here’s the grading help I had…

Oh yeah. And thanks to the kid who thought light green colored pencil was the best choice for his messy handwriting. My Head. Ouch. I did quit soon after his. Hmmm. The first time I quit. Actually, right after his. I blame the light green.

Now I have also been trying to clean up small areas of the house, to throw stuff out and better organize it. I got one counter space cleared (mostly! That’s always the problem…isn’t it?). I keep looking at this pile behind where I sit at the table, but I can’t deal with it. I need a better filing space for house files…they’re all legal sized and I don’t know where to put them. Or how to organize them after 4 refinancings. Sigh. So that overwhelms me. The next space is the art desk and the top of the piano…and the light table, which has all the Christmas books (I want to read them ALL RIGHT NOW). I dealt with a small piece of that and found two patterns and three kits. Why do I buy kits? I don’t have a good answer for that except that when my brain is slow, I like stitching other people’s stuff for relaxation. My own work is not always in a stage that can travel, so I take kits on travel trips, long drives, anywhere I might have to sit and pay attention. I suck at that without handwork. So I buy kits, mostly wool, mostly hand embroidery. Although sometimes quilt stuff…more rarely, or cross stitch. I found one pattern that was an iron-on and ironed it onto fabric. I need to pull threads and put the fabric in a hoop and put it in a travel bag. It won’t take much time. Can you say staff meeting? Yes, I’ve gotten in trouble for that before. Somehow that is MORE offensive than pulling out my sketchbook and drawing. I don’t know why. I know how I learn best and hear best, and it’s while stitching or drawing. So let me do that.

But then I found a wool crazy quilt table mat from 2014. A kit, nonetheless. Holy hell, did I buy that? Well. Now’s the time. I love crazy quilting. It’s fun, relaxing, and easy for me. So I (well, I started to type WASTED TIME by piecing this…but it wasn’t really wasted, because it’s something creative my brain could do and not be super stressed by it…and while I was doing it, some ideas for the next quilt popped into my head, and I wrote them down. Hello Art Brain. How are you?) pieced the mat…

Easy to cut out with freezer paper, although I put it on muslin instead of using their fusible interfacing instructions…mostly because I don’t have any fusible interfacing and didn’t want to buy anything to do this.

In retrospect, I should have done it their way, because after pinning this, you do a zigzag in black (barely shows) rather than proper applique…it’s all wool and stretchy as hell, and the interfacing would have made it stay in place, but whatever. It worked. I stitched it all down and ironed the hell out of it. This designer fuses stuff on top instead of just pinning it. I’ve done another quilt (well, most of it…let’s not talk about the unfinished projects plan I had for last year that totally tanked…instead, let’s make a NEW unfinished project. Um Plan, I meant. A new Plan. ha ha. Ha.) in this method, and it’s pretty efficient. So I traced all the other pieces on Wonder Under, found their mistake in the pattern, redrew things I didn’t need to redraw (I did check at least 5 times and yes, there was a mistake, but I missed HOW it was a mistake until later. No worries.) and then ironed all of them to the wool bits, making only two mistakes on those. Maybe three. Who cares! No one will know. Except me, and I will promptly forget about it. Now I just need to cut all those pieces out and iron them to the mat, and then I can do the fun stuff.

What’s really the point here is that I spent at least an hour on this instead of (a) cleaning the space I was supposed to clean (in fact, I now have potentially a bigger mess to clean up) and (b) getting anything done on the to-do list or (c) starting the new quilt drawing. Whatever. Obviously my brain needed a break.

I’m tired. The hot flashes are back in force and waking me up multiple times a night, plus the neighbors above, who are moving out, left their porch light on all night, and it shines into my bathroom window, which shines into the bedroom. I’m really light sensitive. Basically sleep is a losing game for me. I should have closed the bathroom door, but I’m always afraid one of us will get up to pee in the middle of the night and half awake not realize the door is closed and walk right into it. So I don’t.

It’s a beautiful warm sunny day today. What’s on the plate? Finishing one class and starting another class of that damn assessment. My next drawing will be Goddess of the Fucking Rock Cycle. I’m going to the gym. I’m making about a million apple cheddar scones and a similar number of blueberry scones. I’m going to Costco, otherwise known as My Suburban Hell. I will probably find some other project I NEED to do instead of what’s actually on the list. The man thinks I need to go to this community meeting about a high school they’re trying to put on this tiny piece of land where traffic will be hellacious. Ugh. I hate people right now. Oh fuck! The grocery store…I need to go there. When we went Sunday, half the freezers had stopped working, so we couldn’t get two things we needed. I was supposed to go yesterday and forgot. So after the gym, run sweatily through the store for those two things. Good plan. That’s a lot of shit for one day, and I haven’t even put in the drawing of the day, plus progress on a quilt. Really, what I need to do is contact my photographer about when to bring that quilt in…I think that’s the only way I can force myself to finish it. Silly, really…sitting in front of the telly and stitching sounds lovely. Why can’t I do just that?

No idea. Procrastinate EVERYTHING. It is my brain.

We Have to…

I’ve been thinking about the risks we take as artists…first, there are of course the risks of making the work. A lot of us have another job that pays the bills and then we make art “on the side.” Someone actually called teaching my side job the other day and I laughed. Because it is…and it isn’t. It takes too much time to be the side job. I don’t think of EITHER of them as the side job…copyediting is the side job. Anyway, so there’s a risk there of not putting enough time into either to be good at either. Plus the work I do has occasionally gotten me in trouble at my job…although I am mostly protected, my district could probably come up with some reason to fire me for my art…other districts have done that to other artists. If you are a full-time artist, kudos to you, but that is also a risk…if you don’t sell enough, you are constantly trying to fill in your income with classes or teaching positions or books or some other way to pay the bills. We’ve all donated to a GoFundMe somewhere for an artist who got sick or injured and can’t pay the bills. There’s no insurance that covers that. Then there’s the risk of sending your work out into the world: the risk of shipping it or delivering it, having it hang somewhere else, having someone else be responsible for it, of having it damaged there or on the way there or back. There’s stories of work being knocked over, of bleach being thrown at work, of work being stolen. All these are terrifying to the artist who spends so much time and energy to make the work. And as my son reminded me today, a lot of the work we make is flammable…if this house goes up in flames, what’s left? Artists have faced that in wildfires, in bushfires, in single house or studio fires. It’s devastating.

So Why the FUCK do we keep doing this risky thing? Well, because we have to. We have a brain that requires the art to be made, that means we have to spend the time, the money, the energy, the risk, the threat of loss or damage. We have to. Hopefully we understand the risks and we do our best to protect against those…and I’m amazingly lucky that my quilt was found before I ever knew it was lost. Sure, I could make it again (would I? Probably not). I have the drawing. I have photos. One of my smaller older quilts was burned in the Cedar Fire. The owner contacted me about fixing it…or really, about preserving it. I sent her the information I could (eventually, over time, it will not last). That’s a survival story. Certainly with all the fires we have here and with what Australia is experiencing, I expect more stories of damage to art and quilts and lives. There’s even a bit of a link here to the President’s threats to bomb Iran’s cultural sites. Because that’s a threat to a cultural artifacts that doesn’t need to be made. But that’s a whole ‘nother issue, isn’t it? Sigh.

Reflection on the practice of art. I drew this on Saturday night…

Trying to escape all the shit in my head and destruction on my planet.

By Sunday night, I was done with escaping…

I still don’t see solutions, but I realize we can’t go anywhere. This might be the start of the next big quilt, although I’m staring at one of my older quilts on the wall, about the Japanese tsunami of 2011. And the themes are similar. Sigh. The missiles are new. Isn’t that fun?

I really haven’t done a good job of making art this break. I’ve full-on sucked at it. I figure there’s a reason. My brain isn’t there. That said, I finally stitched the binding on with the machine last night…

And now I can sit and sew by hand for a while. I also went through a bunch of drawings over the last two days. I have two shows coming up that will require no nudity, and I don’t have a lot of those right now. I’m going to need to make a few of those. But not next. I don’t think. I don’t know. I have a week left before I have to go back to school. I’m trying to stay on top of the to-do list, but honestly, I just start panicking. My weekend coming up is totally full, so I have to be proactive about school stuff. I’ve been working all break, a little at a time. But ugh. This view.

Sometimes I sit on the couch and do it while watching TV; sometimes I sit here. It doesn’t help. I have to get up regularly and do something else. I can’t grade less right now. These are assessments. They require me to pay attention and focus on real answers and feedback. I can’t just throw them out. This is where I realize that I didn’t teach the kids some things, or even that I DID teach them and they didn’t retain it. It’s frustrating. But it has to be done. And it’s time-consuming. There’s no real way to figure out what they know with a multiple-choice test. There’s three different ways for them to show me here. And some got perfect scores. Some didn’t.

So I need to finish those and another assignment. Even though it hurts my head.

Today is a lot of errands though. Gonna get them out of the way and hope for some gym time and a hike later this week. Plus I need to read the book for book club. Minor issue. And pick the next quilt to make. Either I’m drawing a new big one that’s timely (that’s what I’m leaning toward) or I’m drawing a smaller one with no nudity (eh. Later.).

We always have cute kittens…

Even when they’re rampaging around, destroying things. Which is something they do. When they’re not considering playing with the old lady cat…

It’s a work in progress, that…

There’s nowhere to sit sometimes because so many furry things are sleeping. Which is nice. They certainly help clear the mind sometimes.

OK. Speaking of clearing minds, I need Motrin. And more tea. Off to the vet and who-knows-where-else.

2020…May It Be Full of Art…

It was a good New Year’s Day…I never got out of my pajamas…the only thing better would have been a hike, and we have that planned for tomorrow.

Today is the boychild’s birthday…

Wow. That hair. He’s much taller now, hair is longer. Pretty sure he started those bangs the girlchild has…after some revisions by mom. He makes better decisions now. Or at least asks first. He’ll spend some time with dogs and maybe kittens, relaxing. May 2020 be awesome for him, whatever that means.

We hiked with the dogs on Tuesday (yes, I am losing track of days). Simba needed a carry assist at some point…we thought he might have something in his paw, but it might have just been a pulled muscle.

We took them out 4 miles to try to tire the boy out…the boy dog, that is. He’s been in bark mode. Plus we think he misses the girlchild. It was a gorgeous day for a hike…

I love the outside. Plus there was lots of water to look at and stomp through…

Check out that tongue. We definitely tired her out…almost enough to ignore the fireworks on NYE.

I quilted a little bit every day…like one person’s worth…

It was a goal I could handle. Finish one person. Then you get a break.

It stayed that way, one a day, until yesterday…

Yesterday, I finished the requisite person and then had the background staring at me…

I stopped for dinner and then finished quilting the whole thing…

It only took 3 1/2 hours…

So Kitten/kitten play has been happening…a little…

Mostly around corners and under quilts…

There was no hissing here…just play bopping. And this was after Nova went after Kitten’s tail, which was swishing around quite temptingly.

I did my daily drawings…this one from NYE was a little strange…

Here’s the first drawing of 2020…

I always feel like this is such a good practice, drawing every day, but the reality of my days during school are less conducive to this. Unfortunately. I’ve tried instituting a drawing a week, like Friday night, but time is so limited when I’m teaching that I sacrifice the drawing time to actual artmaking instead.

Nova on my sketchbooks…

Not the best footing.

OK, I have two quilts to deliver, a binding fabric to buy (no, I don’t have enough of anything to use for binding), and pilates class…plus grading. I did one period of the UGH assignments (it’s really two assignments put together) yesterday. It took about 2 1/2 hours, but I wasn’t really paying attention well and I will get faster. Or not. I don’t know. Four more periods of those to go…really need to do one a day. Plus decide what art I’m making next. Oh yeah, recap of 2019…only 6 quilts, but 1 was huge…

All of them have been or are going to be in shows, which is cool. Two are traveling for at least a year. One won an award. All good. I feel like making work from my head is a good place right now. Although 4 of these were made for specific themes. My favorite, Swallow Me Whole, was not though. It was a thing in my head that needed to get out. So start 2020 with one of those, one I choose, no theme, just Nida.

Plus I did these last year…

These were a new thing…not sure how successful it was, but it was an interesting experience. I would stitch more of my drawings, but they take so much time, it’s hard to make it a profitable thing. Not that I make art for that…but maybe I’ll design a few for traveling/camping. They were good for that. You can find patterns and kits for these at Global Artisans…

2020…may it be full of art and time for that shit.

How to Make It Better…

So many people already saying Happy New Year…I guess that’s legit for Australia, but all you Americans just need to wait a bit. Europe too. Chillax. We’ve got the rest of 2019 to survive.

Speaking of Australia…all the fires and the animals and the people and the crazy fire weather, which doesn’t make the news here hardly at all…my heart goes out to you. Hoping there’s a resolution soon and people can rest easy…although the future weather/drought issues there will still be a problem. I didn’t realize there was such a huge coal industry there. It’s so hard to balance the needs of the world in general in terms of slowing climate change while also making sure people still have jobs and food and homes. It’s a huge mind shift…one that America doesn’t seem to understand either. Our core job needs to be taking care of people…not making money. So many politicians are ignorant (willfully or ?) of the science behind what’s happening and how we humans are making it worse.

Also on my mind…attacks on Jewish people…I hate my current government (because it’s not just the President any more) for encouraging this environment where people are emboldened to attack anyone who is different than they are. Have we learned nothing over the years? I read a friend’s comment about how we are raised to respect others’ opinions, but she was clear in that we don’t have to respect racist or hate-based opinions. I don’t hate you because you are racist…I don’t understand you. I hate your actions toward others. I hate your speech toward others. You are human and so obviously frightened of what is different or what you perceive as taking away from your rights (such an ignorant and limited view of the world). You don’t have the right to hurt someone else because of that…even if the President says you do. This last year has been hard to watch. So much anger and wrongness.

So that’s where I’m ending 2019. Sometimes when I’m drawing or making quilts, I think “this piece of art isn’t going to fix the government or racism or climate change or hate or anything else…” and I get disheartened about what I’m making. It’s not enough. I’m using materials that are causing more pollution, I’m using electricity, my privilege allows me to create art because I’m not trying to find food for my children or clean water…I don’t have tons of money to donate to worthy causes or tons of time to volunteer in worthy places. I try to educate my students about things when I can…there are times when I can’t be political because I teach in a public school…but I can be scientific. I make art because it helps me stay sane. It’s a drive I can’t turn off. I have been trying to be more thoughtful about fabric use in the last year or so…using up weird pieces that have been around for a while. I don’t have a solution for the world right now…I just know large parts of it are messed up and need fixing.

Tomorrow will be all about Happy New Year and looking forward. Today I’m in reflection mode. Ironically, I’m doing this program to help me reduce my school work hours, and they had suggested making monthly goals for school and other stuff, and I don’t know why that sounded like a good idea, but I set up the spread in my journal (which I do use daily…the journal anyway)…

And then. Well. Realized I’m not good at setting monthly goals. I set weekly ones, even daily ones, and ones that stretch out the length of a unit of teaching science (the next one is volcanoes and earthquakes, I think). Also ones that stretch out for the length of a quilt. Sometimes for summer or winter break. Not this break so much…but this isn’t working for me. I can’t get my head around it. OK then. I think I do OK on goals in general, so I’m just going to write this up as Tried, but Didn’t Work.

I did quilt for a while yesterday, the 2nd figure. I’ll do more today, I hope…though my original goal to be quilted by now so I could trim and bind today?

Not happening. So this will be the first quilt of 2020.

I’m still grading almost every day. I prefer doing a little at a time to spending entire days working on it.

This kitten is not at all helpful. Neither is the pup.

I did finish this assignment completely, and stayed up way too late doing another one, but now all that’s left is the three hellacious assignments. I’m just going to bully through one period a day, maybe more if it makes sense. Take a day off when it makes sense. Get through as much as I can. I have 12 days before I go back, and ideally I’ll be done. Which means more than one a day, I think. Sigh. OK. Good to know.

It’s also OK to do some of it when I get back from break. No matter what I was grading, there was always a companion…

These two eventually got off my lap…with some assistance from me.

Although Nova apparently thinks she is cuter than her sister, and should be in all the photos…

Eventually she sat on Luna. It’s nice having siblings…they are amusing.

I did my daily drawing…

This type of imagery shows up often. I was tired. Couldn’t think of what to draw.

This is one of the shows my work is going to be in, coming up in January…

That’s one of my two pieces…the art center is in Ojai, California. I don’t know if I’m going to the opening…it’s a long way for one day. Thinking about it.

OK, time to stop thinking and start doing. I need to put away the Christmas stuff, pack up some boxes to ship, walk the dogs, grade some shit, quilt another person, and IDK what else. Draw. But it’s New Year’s Eve, so I’ll get time for that while having to watch crazy TV. Ugh. I’m not a fan of all the NYE television, and I don’t need to go out and party. I do need to think about how to make 2020 better. Not for me…for others.

Can’t Be Bothered…

I hiked yesterday. I didn’t write because I hiked, so I was up early and then I came back and was exhausted. Plus I don’t know what day it is anymore. Neither does anyone else, so it’s all good.

Girlchild spent a lot of time spoiling dogs…

They love when she’s home…

Which is good for her too…

Although she put this one in timeout for barking too much…

Legit.

We had one family gaming night…

With kitten involvement…they were fascinated…

With laps and dice and little pieces everywhere…

I didn’t win. I really never win. It’s a good thing I don’t care about winning.

Girlchild left this morning. I’m trying to figure out when to go visit her in Boston. Maybe Spring?

Lots of kitten cuteness. I have no family pictures…just kitten pictures.

Lame. I know.

This morning, my cat (Kitten) ventured out and maybe attempted play with kittens…

Maybe. Hard to say. Yes, there’s a kitten up her butt.

It’s progress. We hope.

Yesterday’s hike was at Santa Ysabel Preserve West, out off the 78…there was ice in a puddle and a tiny bit of snow by the path…

It was beautiful…there were lots of cows…and the Coast to Crest Trail book is as always completely wrong about every hike I’ve done in there…

The mileage was right…just under 6 miles…

I’m just not sure how they calculate loss/gain of elevation, because they said 300 feet and I should have checked AllTrails instead, because I would have brought my poles for the mud alone and this beast of a hill…

Down was worse than up for me. The man will never hike this trail again. Only 1174 feet of gain. Or loss. Doesn’t really matter to your knees.

Snow on the nearish mountains…

Beautiful panoramas…and more cows…

Mama is staring at us quite intently. We did persuade her to go stand by her babies…the original trail went between mom and the calves. Not a great plan.

We visited our favorite dive bar on the way back for sustenance…and then collapsed for the rest of the day.

I quilted a little bit on Friday. Super slow progress…

I just have too much to do. I finished grading 4/5 of the larger assignments.

I’m hoping to quilt more today. I’m also hoping someone besides me will take the initiative on the grocery list/cooking plan today, but that doesn’t look like it’s happening. Basically, I don’t think we would go to the store if I didn’t plan it.

Sigh.

I have videos to compile for my Patreon today, plus a drawing to scan and clean up. But hopefully more quilting too.

This was Friday’s drawing…tech on my mind? Much?

And then last night’s…I started with kittens asleep over there…at some point, one headed for me.

It’s hard to draw with a kitten in your face.

But there it is. Join my Patreon for $5/month and you’ll get a high-res copy of the drawing for coloring or staring at or whatever. Just don’t sell it. One a month. Such a deal. At some point, I’ll make a coloring book, but not yet. Need funding.

The Patreon video this month is about my motivation to get stuff done at the moment. It’s lacking. So I’ll do some pondering and then figure my shit out. As always. Until then, maybe it’s sandwiches every night. Can’t be bothered. Welcome to the new year!

Fighting Broken Thread…

Solar guys are here early to hopefully finish the job. Did I go to bed early last night because I knew they were coming? Fuck no. I was too busy fighting broken threads on the current quilt to go to bed early. The parrots were also here this morning, migrating their asses all over my trees, squawking their green little parrot songs. Things I can’t sleep through: rain, wind, parrots, men stomping on my roof and screwing things down through metal. It’s actually a longer list than that…includes Calli licking her paws and Kitten cleaning her butt. Plus coyotes and TVs and light…can’t sleep when it’s light unless I’m dying of some illness…which luckily I’m not at the moment.

Every day right now is about how to get more energy and time for artmaking…and still get shit done. Yesterday was replacing the black boots that finally died…with the girlchild. Plus grading one class of the larger assignment. Honestly, though, if I only do one a day, I may never finish all the things I need to grade, so I might have to step it up to two a day. I don’t know. Sigh. Do you stuff a day full of grading? Or do a little bit each day? It’s hard to know which hurts less. Which annoys less. But at least one period will get done today. The girlchild needs her eyes checked, so that’s on the list. Continuing the drawing a day and quilting some more (hopefully with fewer breaks) is also on the list for today.

Kitten sisters love each other, but in a semi-violent way…

There’s a lot of play fighting that goes on here.

Calli only gets upset when someone tries to take her toy…

Calli was watching me grade stuff. Plus she was nervous about the weather, which is gone today! Beautiful blue skies…cold, but clear. We’ll take it! Tomorrow, we’re hiking…hopefully not in snow, but who knows? A lot fell in our mountains.

In the afternoon, post shoe-shopping and grading, I finished the stitchdown on this never-ending quilt, and then pieced a backing. I’m still using up what I have, best I can…

I ended up using some of the blue from the front and a piece of gray/black that I’ve had for a really long time…I think it was a hand-me-down from somewhere, but honestly, I don’t remember. I cleaned the floor just in time for the kids and dogs to leave…

And then pinbasted it…it’s not huge. I’m not sure what’s taking me so long right now. Best to let the brain do what it needs to do. Stop worrying about it and just do it.

I thought this was going to be an easy 2019 finish…but I think it’ll be the first quilt of 2020.

I generally finish about 6 decent-sized quilts a year…this one would have been number 7.

I still might finish it in time for it to be a 2019 quilt…but for show entries, it’s probably better to finish in 2020.

I need thread for the background…I don’t have that color of blue, I think. I will need binding at some point as well. And I need a decision about the next deadline.

I took a break for pilates and dinner and some TV plus drawing, which is hard to do with a kitten on your chest. But she was insistent…

So I dealt…until she started batting at the pen. Off my dear. Love you. Go somewhere else.

Bone garden…

The man went to bed…too many festivities, not enough sleep (he handles it by sleeping…a smart move, I must say)…and I started quilting. The thread broke at least 10 times in this little space. I changed the needle, rethreaded a million times, applied thread conditioner, changed the tension.

Then gave up and went to bed because who needs that? And sometimes it figures itself out overnight. I’ll try again today.

Here are my Instagram colors from 2019. That’s a lot of blue…

Interesting…because my photos are a lot of art and a lot of hiking and animals. That’s about it.

Plans for today? Shower. Ignore stomping on roof. A drawing, some quilting, grading an assignment, eye doctor with girlchild, thread purchasing, possibly Costco (is it too soon? It might be too soon…but I need stuff. Not a lot of stuff. It can probably wait until next week. I don’t like people right now. The grocery stores on the two days before Christmas were probably enough people for the next three weeks.). Introverting? Maybe. Might be at a show tonight, later. Just don’t know. Art though. Make art.

I’m Useless Right Now…

I’m tired. I had to get up early for jury duty. Once I was there, I panicked. They had three trials lined up with panels of 40 for each. I don’t think there were 120 people in the room. So I rescheduled for April, and will reschedule again for the summer after that. The nice woman said I could do that. I was afraid I’d get stuck on a jury for the next three days (minus Christmas), and we have big family stuff for tomorrow and hopefully hiking on Thursday. Whatever. I will still be irritated by jury duty in the summer, but at least I won’t be as limited or planned out then. I find the whole mess annoying, but whatever…at least I wasn’t the guy yelling, “This is fucked up!” in the jury lounge. I mean, I could’ve been that guy…

I made it to the grocery store again, this time with the boychild. Yesterday was the girlchild, but we didn’t get all the things. As it is, I still need one more thing. But it’s cold and rainy and I’d like to stay put for a while. Maybe I’ll go to the gym later. If I wake up.

Yesterday was a lot of errands and prepping stuff and now I need to pack up a bunch of quilts and ship them…gonna do that next. Absolutely NO PROGRESS on this damn quilt. My brain is off. Welcome to the teacher on break! My co-teacher is diligently grading quizzes, because she’s leaving the country in two days. I’m not…so I should make a plan for grading things, but my brain is fuzz. I have one assignment partially graded and another one mostly graded. Welcome to inconsistencies! Woo hoo!

OK, I plan to finish both of those today, as well as shite…am I making dinner tonight? I don’t remember. Fuck. The holidays kick my ass. NO. I am NOT cooking. Phew. OK, I also will pack up the three quilts that need to ship and the two that need to be delivered next week, which means I need to do two labels I think, and then put labels on the other one that needs to ship and just ship its ass outta here too.

Then maybe I can stitch down the current quilt. Or sleep in. Or something.

I’m still doing a drawing a day…this is Saturday night…

First time I’ve drawn pussy willows? Nah. I think my Sightlines quilt from a million years ago has pussy willows in it.

There are lots of kittenish things going on, mostly with them sleeping…

Because otherwise they are moving too fast to photograph.

Blurry. This went well until Luna sneezed.

I need to sleep more.

Dinner at the parentals last night…apparently Simba likes limes.

He made a face but went back for more…freak.

Tree is finally decorated. Sort of. I’m done with it anyway. Kitten is never done with it.

She’s on the lookout for needles to gack up.

OMG more sleeping…

They are cute. And entertaining. Even when they want to stand on the things I’m doing…which is really more Luna than Nova. Nova was watching the pen move.

I almost fell asleep many times while drawing this…

Which might explain a lot about it.

Anyway…more drawing tonight, lots of organizing stuff to ship this afternoon. I spent a chunk of time looking up all the Expanse novels I hadn’t read. Apparently I missed one. I have no idea how I did that. Right now? More caffeine please. And less rain. Eventually. Maybe a nap. Sheesh. I’m useless right now.