In This Time, Give It To Me Easy*

Technology is frustrating me. My pool is frustrating me. The neighbor who is blasting PBS radio to the whole neighborhood is frustrating me. ICloud is frustrating me. My internet is frustrating me. Or maybe that’s the wifi or the router or the repeater or the modem. Fuck if I know. My schedule is frustrating me. My to-do list is frustrating me (notice a theme yet?). Shit. Seriously.

The only plus is that Sears finally sent me a check for the service they never did (probably my swearing at the 9th person I talked to when she told me that they installed on the 25th of August and my husband let them in might have been the impetus for them to finally write a check. Don’t make shit up, Sears. I fucking hate that.).

Last night, I fought tech and then graded stuff for a while and played with puppy, and finally had to leave the house. Just to find a brain. I went and watched music for a while and then came back and couldn’t function at all. I varnished the nightstand again. It’s got three coats and that might be enough.

I stared at the drawing…

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And couldn’t decide what to draw. There’s no point in fighting it. I can’t MAKE stuff come out on paper. It has to go with the idea I’m working with on this one. I wish it didn’t. Part of the problem is that this original drawing is months old, so I have to reacquaint myself both with the drawing and the ideas behind it. Apparently that worked down in the leg area, but up here around the head? And the head is part of the problem. I already cut off the bird that I originally drew because it was god-awful, but I’m not real happy with the face either. I’m seriously debating cutting her head off.

Seems appropriate for Halloween weekend. In fact, yes. I’m going to cut her head off.

So there we are.

I still need to trim this up a little for the opening next week. Not a big time consumer there, but I had this pair of pajama pants lying on it that needs fixing, and then I was thinking they needed to be part of the show too. Not sure.

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I guess this brings up a whole bunch of ideas about who sleeps naked (um. It’s hot here. I have hot flashes. Did I mention hot?). I don’t ever actually sleep in pajamas. I live in them in the mornings on weekends and after school if I know I’m not going anywhere, but I take them off to go to bed. Too hot (see hot above). So I don’t know. I’ll think about it.

This was last night, after music, when I was feeling spectacularly unmotivated to do shit.

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Apparently I am an animal magnet. Hi guys. You’re not helping.

OK. Cut off her head. Draw a new one. Draw a bunch of other related shit. Number it and start tracing it because Deadlines Abound! My SIL offered to fly me up to Seattle for Thanksgiving, but I really need to stay here and make art for 9 days straight. Tempting. But no. Work. Also. Grade a bunch of shit. Input it into the grade program. Try to make kids get a clue about how grades work (I can’t grade invisible things. I am not that special.).

Tonight? Apparently crash some Halloween party to support the band (that’s what I did last night, but it was probate lawyers. Yeah. I know.). Also go to one art show and drop some coloring books at a local gallery. I gots a plan.

*The Zombies, Time of the Season

Wrong Way on a One-Way Track*

Well the wifi is strangely working again today. It was only one side of the house, you see. I actually powered up the ancient Mac Mini and did grades last night in the kids’ sanctuary. Pain in the ass. I figured it was the repeater dying or something, but today it’s fine…which means either it’s still dying, but this is a gasp of renewed life, or it’s the damn cable company screwing stuff up somehow. I don’t have time (or patience) for that. Too much to do.

The Feminist Artists Coloring Books are going to be in two galleries after this weekend, plus the Women’s Museum. Plus it’s on Amazon. Plus there’s me…trying to make back my investment and earn some money for the group’s next big show. Plus maybe even pay me for some of my time. What a concept in the art world, eh? Paid for your time.

Anyway, the nightstand has another coat of varnish on it…it’s making it look deeper somehow…although not in a philosophical sense. I think at least one or two more coats.

But I was frustrated this week, trying to get done with the nightstand, AND all the grading I have weighing me down. And realizing I have another deadline in December (wow, I actually get a whole MONTH or more)…plus deadlines piling up in the spring. I had pulled the beginnings of the drawing for the one in December…and I just couldn’t do much more than tape more paper to it. Very creative process that.

Until I finally just penciled some stuff in. Ironic after drawing a ton of stuff on the nightstand without penciling anything in (didn’t think the paper would hold up to lots of erasing), last night, I needed graphite support. But once I started, it got easier…

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I was missing the normal quiltmaking process. Drawing on the nightstand was artmaking, but it wasn’t the same. I’m still not even sure about the product. The quilts though…they have a satisfying finish to them.

I’m still fascinated with layers below the ground, with digging around down under there, or what’s hiding under there. So I put her in a hole in the ground. I’m still debating a dinosaur somewhere in the distance.

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Anyway. So this is the next one in process. I’m trying not to add a ton of tiny pieces (don’t look at the snake’s face and you might just believe me). This school year is stressing me out and I need a break from it. I think art is going to be the only place I get that, honestly. Although I’ll be glad to have the deadlines behind me.

I’m just really glad to be starting a new quilt. Really. And yes, I need to grade like crazy over the next week, but hopefully I’ll get a good start on this quilt too. And start drawing for the next two major deadlines. Which I think are right on top of each other. Yikes. No stress. Grinding my teeth dammit. It’s only October. And the next unit in science? I don’t fully understand it. Minor issue. It’ll be a relief when we get to photosynthesis and cell respiration. I know that shit. And I know a shitload more about elements and the periodic table and atoms now than I did two months ago. So there we are. I’ll be fine. It just feels really stressful in the moment to realize you either don’t remember anything, or that they’ve discovered new shit that you didn’t even know about because you were focusing on a different portion of the science world. Yeah. I’m not feeling stupid or anything. Sigh.

*Soul Asylum, Runaway Train

Keep Coming up with Love but It’s So Slashed and Torn*

I love mornings when technology has it out for you. The printer refusing to print, for instance. It’s on. The computer sees it. The computer maybe is the issue, because it tells me the printer is not installed. Except it is. Yup. There’s something confuzzled in its tiny brain. I understand how it feels. Except it’s kinda being confrontational. Attitudinal. Dude. I’m just gonna pull your plug. It won’t end well for you.

I’m reaching the end of this project and I’m in this weird place where I’m not sure if it’s done or if I should just keep going. I think it’s done, but then I wake up and my brain tells me I’m not, that it needs more here or there or everywhere. I even photographed all the bits last night and THEN…I fucking added more. So whatever. I’m going to come home tonight and go to the gym and then stare at it and decide its fate.

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Yeah. I added more to the top after this photo…

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Still debating this whole side, but honestly, I think that’s where the books are going. And it’s inside. Who’s going to be looking in there?

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I added one thing to the bottom part. I guess I drew more on the legs too.

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I’m not sure I added anything but legs here…

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Or maybe they were already done. At least these sides were.

The inside again, from the back.

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Maybe the bottom needs more. Or does it?

There’s more on this side now too. Seriously. I photographed. I sat down. I picked up the pen. And I kept going.

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Yeah. My breakfast is at the end of a rainbow. Isn’t yours?

And then I colored.

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It’s OK. There’s no way in hell I’m coloring more than the few things I colored. I don’t really want a lot of color.

I have to keep reminding myself of the point of the piece. I don’t know. I do get these pieces, usually the non-fabric ones, where I’m not sure where the end is. Maybe the end is just when I say it is.

*Queen, Under Pressure

Daylight Licked Me into Shape*

I think that’s the longest blog break I’ve taken in a while. No real good reason except out of cell area one morning, out of time the other two days. The weekend was busy and it fell over into Monday as well. Sometimes that happens. I’m so used to writing daily, though, that it felt weird.

I think these are from Friday morning…I’m not sure…I know I found these glasses in my classroom a couple of years ago and no kid would ever claim them. Weird, right? But I think they go with the nightstand.

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I had started drawing down below…all the down below stuff, ironically.

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Then Friday after school, I drove in the dark to Agua Caliente to a friend’s bachelorette weekend. This was my home for 24 hours…

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Cute little thing. Actually not so little. We hung out in the pool, tie-dyed, didn’t hike (WAY too hot, even in October), and napped. OK. I read. I didn’t nap. Here was my before shirt picture.

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Interesting what plants are out there…

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I had to drive 2 miles out of camp to get cell service to tell people I was alive and well. These guys were everywhere.

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I never got a picture of the ocotillos…

We played Cards Against Humanity…always fun…although I had to wait until I got home to Google “YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.” Because it’s from some military sci fi game I’ve never heard of…and I’m OK with that.

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So then I drove back in the dark on Saturday night, worked most of Sunday on school and art stuff, and then went to see the Proclaimers. Last time I saw them was in the late 80s and I remembered their show as really good and raucous. They did not disappoint. They were still awesome, even though I realized how many albums they’d released that I’d never heard of. It was a good show.

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But then I took Monday off work because. Well. Yeah. Because. Because I never take personal days and I needed one. I slept in and picked up the dogs and got stamps and voted while researching and texting back and forth with the girlchild about the 223-page booklet of propositions we have in California at the moment.

And then I graded. For hours. While texting my co-teacher, who was back at school and stuck in a staff meeting where she was supposed to be planning with me. Oh well.

I walked both dogs (the parentals are home and their dog is back with them…the cats are pleased), fully expecting to be rained on at some point, but it wasn’t until we got back that we got thunder and lightning and pouring rain. Calli hates thunder. REALLY hates it. This was an hour later, when she was either hugging my leg or the cabinets or both. Poor baby.

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After dinner, I gave up on grading, plus the girlchild called.

And then I drew. This had been in my head since Friday.

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I did most of the other side last night in a couple of hours…

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I think it’s done. Maybe.

And then I started on the top.

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It’s not done. But it’s more done than it was. So far, I have about 4 hours of drawing on this. I still need to varnish it, so I have to be sure it will be dry by Tuesday. I’m hoping to do it Friday or Saturday at the latest. It would be nice to have more than one coat on.

And then I can move on to the next set of deadlines, which are admittedly less crazy, but only slightly so. I know what I’m doing over Thanksgiving Break…let’s just say that.

*The Cure, Just Like Heaven

Can’t Stop the World*

Well first of all, I’ve been working on this beast technically since June, I think, but it’s finally done. I created and edited the Feminist Artists Coloring Book for one of my local art groups, and I’m really excited about it…first because I think it’s an awesome idea and second because now I have the skills to make my own. It has 47 drawings by 18 of our feminist artists, ranging from nice and simple (you could even zentangle a few) to super complicated. Topics are adult, so this is not a kid’s coloring book. It includes three of my drawings, one of which actually exists as a quilt…

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You can find it on Amazon here…or if you know me and live locally, send me an email and we’ll figure something out.

Here’s one of my drawings that’s in there. nida_3-revise-small

YES! The next step is to make my own coloring book. Give me a minute to get there though, because I’m a little buried at the moment.

When it gets crazy at school, our natural tendencies come out…this is me and my co-teacher in science. Yes. These are our yearbook photos. Next year, we’ll actually plan ahead and do something even weirder.

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Katie was really trying to entertain little Mr. Annoying last night. I was playing tug o’ war with him and then she grabbed the end and dragged him off. I think she was trying to help.

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Or she’s just jealous when he gets all the toys (yeah, that).

Eventually the big dogs calmed down, while the little one went on a rampage throughout the house. He’s kinda driving me nuts…

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I was trying to work on this. I did OK. There’s a lot left to do. A lot more than I thought.

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It doesn’t help that I graded first, so I didn’t even start until almost 11 PM. One of the other artists came over to pick up coloring books, and she said it would look good. I’m still not sure about it, but at this point, I’m just going to keep going.

Because I really don’t have a choice!

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The next two deadlines are weighing on me as well.

Meanwhile, this weekend? I’m not getting any of this done. But that’s OK.

*Modern English, Can’t Stop the World

Lovin’ Is What I Got*

Ah my brain is fuzz. I blame the 150-pound raccoon on my property. Long story.

So I think I’m done with the quilted piece. I want to trim some of the batting away, but I think as far as the show goes, it’s really done. I may rethink it once this show is over.

So now I have to focus on the nightstand itself. Ugh. My brain. First of all, it’s hard for me to draw on something that is upright in front of me. And not flat. But I started.

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I’m not sold on it yet…it needs a lot more. Seriously. This is one side and it’s not done. I kind of hate it at the moment. Artists are supposed to admit that shit. I do have more book pages I can paste on over it if I really hate it.

My brain was blanking last night, though. So I went to bed and started brainstorming other things I would draw on there. Dreams. Hopes. Nightmares. What do we write books about? Why do we read books? Pretty much that’s everything, right? I’ll work on it more tonight. Some of the things I think of aren’t easy to portray in a drawing. Oh well. Still working.

I made it to book club finally last night, after like 5 months of not being able to go. I read all the books for each month. I just couldn’t get there. Amusingly, last night it was about a book I had last read in the mid-80s. But I’ve read the whole series. So I could talk about the whole thing. I just couldn’t remember what specifically happened in the first book. I just wanted to get the hell out of the house and be with other intelligent humans. So I achieved that.

I was amused by this.

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Because Calli is on Katie’s bed. Simba is way too small for Calli’s bed (can I please please sleep on the big dog’s bed?), and Katie gets nothing. Simba has to be crated because he doesn’t behave at night.

Eventually everyone got a bed. Even me.

OK. That’s all I got.

*Sublime, What I Got

I Can’t Do Much from Way out Here*

Yeah. I took the weekend off writing. It really was just that I ran out of time. I regularly take Sunday off, but Saturday started with places I had to be, things I had to do, and I never got caught up enough to write. I got a lot done, though…so I guess that’s good. I’m still a little panicked about deadlines and having too much to do this week, but I’ll survive. I’m a few steps closer to being done with what has to be done.

I had ironing to do on Saturday…but Kitten really thinks of the iron as her own space heater…

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I was trying to figure out how to attach the sheet to the background fabric and keep the bottom free, but also leave the possibility of finishing the top as a wall quilt.

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For this show, I want it to hang free…but I don’t know if I want that in the long term…

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So I figured that out, marked the fabric, cut and washed the background, and then headed off to the Visions opening (more on that later), plus band watching. I draw in bars a lot…this because I like the music, and I do sometimes dance, but I’m often in there for 4 hours or so, and that’s a long time for someone like me to just SIT there. So I draw.

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I did two drawings…I don’t think this one is done…

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Nice shadows though.

Sunday, after spending most of the day dealing with household stuff and a ton of grading (I think I described it as grading until my eyes bled), I finally got back to the problem…So I didn’t want a visible stitch line, because I want it to look like the sheet is just pulled up. So I started with Wonder Under underneath…

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And once I had it attached, I hand-stitched the top and the folds…

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Because if I want all that to hold when it’s hung on the wall, it’s got to be more than Wonder Under…you can see the stitching on the back…

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Then I laid out the pieces where they belonged. I had to put another layer of white under her butt so the sheet wouldn’t show through so badly.

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And then I did the stitch down, which took less than an hour, compared to the two hours it took me to get it all on there today.

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I got it all stitched down…here’s the back.

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I don’t even remember what my time estimates were before, but the ironing took a lot longer than I thought, mostly because of the sheet. Hopefully tonight I can sandwich it and start quilting. This is a crappy busy week, though, and I still need to draw on the nightstand. Sigh.

I’ll figure it out. I always do. I think I’m OK on time, actually, so I should stop panicking…but this week feels tight already. Starting with today, because I didn’t prep for today’s lab AND I have before-school duty…so I really need to be at school early. I’d much rather make art…honestly.

*Freedy Johnston, Save Yourself City Girl

You Can Ponder Perpetual Motion*

Aargh. I feel like this year is going to burn me out quicker than most school years, and not because of the kids (that’s usually what does it). I’m trying to do all the things I’m supposed to do to handle that, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Yesterday I had a ton of professional development, although honestly it just felt like another way to make me do more work than I’m already doing. It’s enough to write curriculum from scratch…but to then have to do all this supplementary stuff on the curriculum I just wrote is killing my brain. When I got overwhelmed (and irritated) in the morning, I started drawing. Unfortunately, this is on the back of some crap I’m probably going to need later (and they told me I would need yesterday, but did not).

This is what it looks like when Nida is overwhelmed in a PD…

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And it’s not because what they were saying was hard…honestly, I’ve seen most of it before, but then that just irritates me, and then they assigned some really vaguely worded homework for when we next meet, and I just don’t fucking care about their little projects that I have to jump through a hoop for. Let me plan. For god’s sake, let me get some grading done, because I’m buried. Stop telling me I have to do more.

This year. Damn. There are 17 other things I need to manage today that are school-related besides the two additional things that were assigned yesterday. Bastards.

So by the time I got home, I was antsy as hell. I just needed to like RUN somewhere (and my knees don’t go along with that much). I’ve been having a person issue with one of my walking routes with the dogs, so I didn’t want to drag all three dogs through that route…but I needed somewhere close. So I drove to the ex’s house with two dogs and picked up the third dog, and walked their butts off. Mine too…we needed it. OK. I needed it more than they did.

But I came home and dealt with grades, because I lost my prep period yesterday and didn’t have time to get them done. Plus I’m constantly trying to catch up.

Then I sanded this sucker for the nightstand project…in the dark. On the deck. With the dogs. Listening to the yelling down the road from a major accident…I heard it happen and then the yelling started. Sirens. They were yelling about a rollover. Scary stuff. It’s the turn I make onto my road and once a car barely avoided my ex with both kids in the car, taking out a mailbox instead.

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Tonight I’m hoping to start gluing shit on it. Not really shit. You’ll see. The holes on the bottom are a bit of an issue. Trying to decide what to do about them. Quick fix. There’s metal screens in there. I don’t want to spend a lot of time dealing with the holes. And I’m not great with a power saw. I have a piece of wood that’s too wide…but it would just be one cut.

Then I settled down with scissors. I thought I could finish cutting these out last night, but I was too damn tired.

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I’m maybe halfway done. Another thing to try to get done tonight. And grades. Always grades. In fact, I should be doing more of that right now…sometimes I do feel like a perpetual motion machine…

*Creedence Clearwater Revival, Up Around the Bend

When You Come Undone*

I know what I wanted to get to last night artwise and it didn’t happen. I was just too tired. My eyes have really been bugging me…getting all watery and tired. I’m blaming the weather, since we’re back to crazy warm again. Or just overuse. Or something. But I didn’t think I could pick fabrics last night when I couldn’t see straight. Perhaps staring at a computer for hours is part of it.

I came home from work…left there late because we are out in the morning on Monday for some training that I am not trying to think of as a waste of time at the moment. Because they say things like, “We’re giving you time to PLAAANNN…” but then it’s plan for what they think we should be doing and not what we’re really doing. Because this is about language standards in science…because we don’t make our kids write their asses off? And I don’t know what I’m doing? You’re right…a Comp. Lit. degree and years of editing does not mean I can write. Or the 500+ words I write almost every day…whatever. I hate saying whatever all the time, but professional development is meant to push up and support those who need it on some general topic…and if you’ve already got that, then you’re screwed. There’s stuff I need help with and I’ll never get it out of PD. Rant over. Well. For now.

And then the errands for my parental units…lots of work in that. Fought the traffic and finally got home, and my water was off. But the guy who did it was running up the road yelling “Miss! Miss!”. Reminded me of school. Got the water back on (they have to move the pipes due to the new behemoth…house that is being built at the bottom of the road. Dealt with dogs…only two last night. Then I worked. School. For about 5 hours. Straight. Ugh. There’s more. I gotta do more. Maybe not today. We’ll see.

So at 11:22 PM, I was thinking, well…what CAN I do…because standing up and going to the studio and cleaning up enough to start picking fabrics is so totally NOT happening at 11:22 PM on a Friday night after teaching all week.

And that is why I found the big sketchbook in my hand (finally…oh my, what a relief) and I just let the pen drift across the page, and this idea of hands pulling the upper layer apart to reveal something behind, that happened.

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It’s weird. And it’s not done. But it felt nice while I was doing it. And that’s the point. That’s what my head needed. And honestly it needs a shitload more of it, because if I’m leaving work on a Friday night and facing the weekend, it shouldn’t feel like I’m trying to shove down a panic attack, and that’s what it felt like. I have some big heavy things that need moving, and I can’t do it by myself…both literally and metaphysically. I need help with that. So there’s that side of it, where I feel like I’m on my own and can’t ask for or find help, and then there’s the part where my job is currently so demanding, both of time and mental energy, that I can’t find the space to make art. To relax.

Anyway. Right now I need to make a bunch of deviled eggs for a potluck/art talk thing tonight where I’ll be one of the talkers. I have my Powerpoint done but I have no fucking clue what I’m going to say. Which is fine. And I’m hanging out with a friend midday, but have stuff on both sides of that which need to get done. So off the chair, out of this room, go get shit done.

*Duran Duran, Come Undone

I’m Just a Soul Whose Intentions Are Good*

So instead of just working on the next project (which actually has two parts), I decided to do two at a time. Not really. But last night, I did work on both. One isn’t due until December, so it’s not a rush at all. But it needs more drawing, and sometimes I feel like drawing more than I feel like anything else, so it’s good to have it at a stage where I can do that. The original drawing has actually been lying around for a month or so.

Anyway, after a long parent meeting in a foreign language where we tried desperately to get dad to understand that this kid needs help way beyond our personal abilities (I really hate the law sometimes…I get why it’s there, but it can hogtie us), I came home and actually napped. I always worry when that happens…although I remember coming home from school on the days my mom did her nursing volunteer work and she’d be flat out on the couch, the book folded open on her chest, sound asleep. So maybe being almost 50 and on my feet all day, and then in an hour-long intense meeting, maybe that’s a legit reason to need a nap. I only got 12 minutes, though, so don’t get excited. Because dogs. So I graded. Because I need to catch up. And I entered another show. Because that’s why I’m doing these crazy deadlines.

So I knew what I needed to figure out next…is that figure going to be big enough for what I want? There’s only one way to find out…fold out the damn cot…lay the drawing out…

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So there’s an argument for life size, which this is not. But I can visualize the sheet and I think it will be what I want…so back to the drawing board. I cut out the cat that was on there. And then I found one of the cats I did last year that I liked. There’s the original drawing, obviously too big for this.

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Meanwhile. Dogs. Sigh. They need more people around them. I did throw things for them…not as much as usual, but a little.

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So I drew a new cat. Much better. And more realistic…

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Not that realism is what I’m usually going for. And then I drew a new baby.

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I think that’s much better. So then I numbered the whole thing…and there were only 200 pieces. Wow. Seriously. That’s doable. Even with all those tiny baby parts.

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So now I need to trace it on Wonder Under…but I also need to finish the owl first. So tonight, that’s what I’m going to do. Assuming I don’t fall asleep on the couch. I’m also going to try to get the coloring book into a final stage. Ugh.

So then what next? Well I had this other drawing, the one for the December deadline, and the cat had puked on part of it before I taped it together, so I didn’t know if I’d need to recopy part of it. So I was already standing and cutting and taping…why not keep going?

One of the problems with this drawing was that giant scary bird. That thing needed to go.

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So I taped the whole thing together, cutting out puked-on pieces of paper and giant scary-ass birds. And I got this.

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She’s not done. Obviously. Well, maybe to me. But if I feel like drawing, she’s there waiting for me.

So yeah. Gotta go deal with an early school meeting. And the aftermath of a local shooting that will hit national news…and rightfully so. Another WTF moment. I wish I could figure out what would fix all that crazy. I’m pretty sure we can’t just move all the clueless people who can’t see the light to an island somewhere. But I guess in El Cajon, you don’t call the police for help, unless you want to get shot. Sigh. Giant-ass sigh.

*The Animals, Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood