Surviving Openings…

Art openings are strange beasts. On the one hand, hey, your art is getting out there and people are seeing it, because it got into a show. And it’s lit well and hung on a nice wall, usually white, and there’s space around it that you never get when you hang it in your house, and you can stand back from it and actually SEE it. And there’s often free food and drink (although if it’s on a college campus, then there will be no alcohol). But there’s also the nervousness you get from putting your work out there, wondering if anyone will understand it or if, like what often happens to my work at quilt shows, they’ll just walk away, muttering something about that not being a real quilt. There’s photo opportunities, which mostly drive me nuts. I know I need to take them, but I’d really rather not…

(Thanks, Julie, for taking that one…really it’s best to make me laugh.)

If you’re in the show, you really are expected to stay for the whole opening, even though most of us would rather be sitting in our studios staring at the next piece than standing uncomfortably in a gallery situation, wondering what to look at next. I am the photographer for two groups I’m in, so that makes it a little easier. I walk around and take photos (although I am often lame about it…missing an entire artist at times). I need to go write that blogpost for the group as well…I’ll probably link to it here in a later post, because there’s no way I’m writing two separate posts.

I spend most of the day before the opening trying to distract myself, grinding my teeth, girding my loins for social niceties about my art and their art and all the art. I did get interviewed last night and photographed by two different official types. The interviewer was very nice, although it was a bit strange to “talk into his pen.” But he liked the piece and got it, and talked about his grandmother and mother being quilters, and how his sister would like this quilt. So that was sweet.

It’s also nice to see people looking at your work and reading your blurb and then some of them come up to you afterwards and tell you how much they like it or ask about how it was made (usually people that have never seen an art quilt before)…

Many people have an idea of what a quilt is, and this just blows their minds.

Overall, though, it was a good opening. I was tired at the end. Friends and family showed up and were supportive (always a good thing). The show itself is interesting and varied. I got good vibes off my piece. All good things.

The show continues at Grossmont College’s Hyde Gallery through April 23…I’ve posted this before, but it shows that it’s only open Mon-Thurs, which kinda sucks, I know, but it does stay open until 6 PM.

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to do any of the student talks, because I’ll be back in school. But I survived the opening. And the piece is out there. Enjoy.

That Crazed Look in My Eyes…

I’m currently walking my son through filing his taxes 3000 miles away. Actually, I wonder how many miles away he really is. Only 2680 miles. It would cost about $315 in gas to drive there. Girlchild, if she ends up in Boston (a distinct possibility at the moment), will be 3001 miles away. ANYWAY. Taxes suck. Even suck more when they are more complicated than they need to be. Presumably, the government would like to punish you for being smart enough to put money away for your kids’ college futures. Whatever. It’s done. Well…it’s not done, because he’s still texting me and the damn state, which is the only part that wants money from the kid for going to college, has questions. Or TurboTax has questions. Sigh. I have taxes (not mine), the FAFSA, and multiple financial aid forms and all their usernames and passwords glaring at me at the moment, hanging over my head, giving me ulcers.

It’s no wonder I hide in my office/studio, quilting like a maniac, eh? Seriously, everything else is hurting my head. Is it too early to hang out at a wine bar with my sketchbook (yes. it is.).

I quilted yesterday. Which is something I’m not really getting done today. Dear taxman. You suck. College financial aid departments too. You also suck. Go the fuck away.

I quilted for almost four hours yesterday, which is pretty good, considering I had to go buy thread and pick up cat meds, plus I hiked a mountain…

You know, just for fun. It wasn’t a big one. I’m still outlining. I honestly thought I would finish the outlining last night, and I would have, if I hadn’t hiked. The hiking made it impossible for me to get off the couch for about two hours. Seriously bad. Ugh. But eventually I did and came in here…

I’m over 7 hours in. I have just a bit of the head area left to quilt and then I can start on the background…

I’m never really sure which is more time-consuming, the outlining or the background quilting. I guess it depends on how much background is showing. There’s a big chunk of it on the right side. I should start over there. But I had hoped to be quilting all day today, and I think I have lost that…for a good reason, though. My Belgian exchange sister (AFS) from high school is visiting for part of this week with two of her kids, so that will take up some of my free time, which is why I’m pushing to get the tax and financial aid crap done this morning so I don’t have to think about it. I’m also trying not to think about yardwork, housework, or schoolwork. It’s not really working. I’m a giant ball of stress. Plus there’s an opening tonight, so I’m already nervous about that. Although I’m sure it will be fine. That whole standing in public with my art thang. I like to send in stand-ins. Like my kids. Neither of whom are available. Whoops!

I’m still spacing out a bit while I quilt…sewed the cord to the extra light on my machine right into the quilt…

I’m sure it will come in useful that way. Huh. No, I fixed it. Ugh.

That’s where I quit. I think I just have the left side of her hair and the big cloud over there to outline.

Not much. Then background stuff. It’s hard, because the hike was totally worth it, felt great to get out there and see that I could still climb a mountain and I didn’t feel too bad (breathing was an issue for a bit), but I kicked butt and I’m sore today, but not overly sore. So yeah. Can’t stop doing that stuff in between all the other stuff and maybe the yardwork isn’t really that important, even when my ex and my dad come over and cluck about how little I’ve gotten done. I remind myself that they do not have two jobs and I do. And obviously yardwork is not that important to me. The boychild is home in 5 weeks…maybe he will do some of that until he gets a real job. Maybe that will motivate him to get a real job. It sure would motivate me.

OK, I seriously need a lot more caffeine and to start quilting, even if it’s just for a few hours today. I’d like to quilt the whole afternoon until the opening. It would put me in the right frame of mind. I’m always a little spacey after quilting all day…but calm, incredibly calm. As long as I can stay in that quilting mental space, it will all be good.

The opening tonight, by the way, is at Grossmont College here in San Diego from 5-7 PM. Late notice…sorry. The exhibit is Women at War…

And my piece in the show is Absolutely Nothing…

I’ll be there tonight…come say hi. You should be able to tell how much quilting I got done by the crazed look in my eyes.

Quilting. It’s Happening…

Saturday ended up kicking my butt in many ways. The stress of picking colleges and trying to figure out how to make that decision reverberates out into surrounding people. But the girlchild is much closer to a decision, and I will not be the one taking her on this college visit. I’m OK with that. I did the last one. And I have a ton of work to do, both for school and art (and honestly, around the house as well). So that was a bit of a relief. Paris is out, because NYU wouldn’t offer enough money to even make it a realistic possibility. A year there is more than my annual income. I guess they think I have a basement full of cash somewhere.

Anyway. With all that off my back (mostly) by 1:30 PM on Saturday, I had really wanted to be pinbasted by then (ha! Life kicks my ass yet again.). I did have the floor cleaned by then…which was shortlived…someone threw up on it last night (a cat). Anyway, I got the backing pieced and everything ironed on Saturday afternoon and then took a well-deserved break from my life (really a hot tub should be involved on a weekly basis) and started again yesterday. Once I was back from the grocery store (Easter dinner had to be purchased, even for us heathens), I laid the backing and batting out…

Walked away and came back to a cat kneading it all into submission (no photos of my yelling at her and chasing her off). And then I put the top on…

And pinbasted it. I have lots of people who ask why I don’t spray-baste. I’m not a fan of chemical overspray, and this thing is large. I don’t have anywhere flat to baste something this big except in the entryway. I might try it someday with something small, but then I forget and I don’t actually own any of the spray and it’s just way easier to pin it anyway.

It took less than an hour. And then I realized that I hadn’t bought thread for this. I usually have a bunch of dark blue threads rolling around, because I use them the most, but I remembered on the last big quilt making a huge effort to use up all the bits and pieces on spools and emptying like 5 of them. I found one partial spool of a color that would work, and of course, my thread store was not open on Easter (sigh), so I knew I would only be able to quilt until I ran out of thread.

And then I would have to WAIT. Until today. Horrors.

I was only going to quilt for an hour or so, but the bug got me and I did over three hours…

There’s still a bit of thread on the spool, and in a few minutes, I will head on out to get more.

I stupidly sewed the quilt to itself at some point (whoops)…

Because the girlchild was in here, bogarting my computer and distracting me with all her prom-dress shopping trauma. We finally found the dress she likes, but only if she’s a size 2. Which no one is, c’mon now. OK, some people are, but they won’t be forever.

Anyway. I was also getting tired. This is how I store it so the cat can’t lie on it (or throw up on it, honestly)…

I’ve finished the whole bottom third of the torso and started up the fox arm. The elephants were a challenge…go see my Instagram (knida) if you want to check out their crazy detail. If I didn’t have 17 other things to do today, I could get significantly done…and I might still do that. That’s the problem. Art brain gets closer to done and won’t let me do anything else but make art. Which explains a lot about me, I guess…how I have to force myself sometimes to leave the house for work or social events. Anyway. (Hiking tonight, by the way)

Quilting. It’s happening. Don’t got much to say about it. Just gotta do it. I figure 20 hours or so…so 17 to go.

Stitched Down…

I sewed a lot yesterday. I also stressed about taxes and colleges and flights yesterday. There will be more of that today. But I did finish the stitching…it took 6 hours and 21 minutes. I suspect a good hour of that was fighting with the machine and having to restitch part of the whole bottom section on Thursday night. Still, it’s time spent, and I keep track of that, because that’s part of how I price the piece…

I even went to a gaming party in the middle of all of it, ate, drank, played some Cards Against Humanity and almost won, and then came back and finished up.

Once the machine was behaving, it was easy. I just kept going until it was done. I got up every 30 minutes or so to stretch or warm up my tea or pee or walk to the mailbox…anything to get me out of the chair. I had a major tweak in my shoulder/neck yesterday from the night before (maybe the not-sleeping part of the night)…it’s still sort of there today, but much better. I didn’t get much else done yesterday, of course, because that’s how it works. When I buckle down and get serious about getting the art done, I don’t leave the house. I don’t do yardwork or housework. I don’t run errands. I don’t grade papers. I don’t do shit but get the art done. I even forgot to eat for a good portion of yesterday…realized around 1 that I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch. Whoops.

The cat slept behind the machine, obviously not concerned about the vibrations…

Sometimes they like the machine and sometimes they don’t. Limbo didn’t like it. He’d make that complaining cat noise and then leave. I miss that cat. Babygirl didn’t seem to mind yesterday, even when the quilt top was on top of her at one point.

My brain is in a better place today. Maybe I sewed it all out. No. Some of the angst and stress and badness are still there, lurking around a corner. Maybe they will always be there. Maybe that’s just who I am. I don’t know.

Can’t even come up with a decent title today for the blog post. Fuck that.

My real problem this morning, besides having to clean the entryway floor so I can baste the damn quilt, which is a big sucker, is this pile…

on TOP of the quilt, tax stuff…not mine. My taxes were done in January. These are the boychild’s taxes I’m trying to do, and I don’t understand any of it…it’s college funds that matured and rolled over and were somewhat dispersed, and it all makes my head want to explode. So the ex will deal with that or we will find a professional, because I can’t finish his financial aid without all that. It took me an hour to find 19 years’ worth of data on one financial fund. Ugh.

So I take a deep breath and consider the fact that I finally have most of a cup of tea in my tired brain, and I can clean the floor and then piece the backing and pull the batting out of the dryer and then get it all laid out, and worst-case scenario, the only thing I will accomplish today is the start of quilting this beast…and then perhaps my Easter will be a quilting day. Because that’s not a bad way to spend a Sunday. Everything else is going to get solved, one way or another, except for possibly the angsty depression that I carry around all the time…and I have been living with that long enough to know that I don’t have to listen to it. Depression panics and says the worst things ever, and the next morning after a cup of tea, it all seems manageable. Mostly.

People like this quilt. Maybe that’s all I need to know or care about right now. That and the 12-plus hours it’s gonna take to quilt it.

I Just Don’t Know

This damn piece is giving me angst. It shouldn’t. That’s what I’m told anyway. Wish someone would tell my art brain to get over the shit that bugs it so I could settle into my own existence. Apparently not an option. But maybe that’s why I make so much art…because I never settle into myself. I’m always questioning what I’m doing and how it makes me feel and whether it was good enough. Good enough for what, I don’t know. But that questioning, I don’t know that it’s abnormal in someone who creates all the time. Maybe that’s the difference between me and the people who did art in college and occasionally do something crafty, but they don’t stay up until after midnight every night making some piece that won’t get into any shows because it’s too in your face.

I just don’t know.

After running 17 errands in the morning, I was able to pick up my newly cleaned and tuned machine and I pieced the background. I also decided I didn’t feel like cleaning the entryway floor to lay it out. I thought the piece would be pretty easy to lay out, because it’s basically one large piece that’s all ironed together. If I had to place a bunch of smaller pieces and make them all fit together, I would have done it on the bigger floor space.

So here…it’s a little crowded, yes.

Couldn’t even get it flat. Oh well.

I laid it out anyway. Sometimes I’m kinda stubborn.

I tacked it down on the floor (this might be why my floor is dying…I do in fact iron on it.)…just enough to get it up on the ironing board, where I did the 30 seconds with steam thing that makes it stick better…enough that I can stitch it down.

And then the water droplets had to be placed…and I hung it up…

This thing is big…59″w x 66″ h. I thought 4 hours to stitch it down was probably an underestimate…but I did start yesterday…

And everything went fine for the first hour or so, and then I don’t know what happened. Something broke threadwise and I pulled everything out and tried to restart the stitching, and then spent probably 45 minutes fucking with my machine, cleaning stuff out, resetting it, turning it off and saying abracadabra over it, swearing and assuming I would have to take it back today to get fixed and I would never get done. Thread was tying itself up in huge fucked-up knots that somehow translated to shit in my head. Love that. Art brain. Get out of that hole. And then it magically started working again. And I spent an hour restitching all the crap it had fucked over. I’m sure it wasn’t really magic. I did something and that fixed it. But I don’t know what that something was.

When I finished restitching, honestly I didn’t have it in me to keep going. I was just depressed and frustrated with the whole thing. And with life in general. So I walked away and tried to sleep (ha!). Yeah. That was kind of a failure too.

Fucking Pandora is in pretty perky mode. I want to punch it. Where’s my screaming angry young men when I need them?

Seriously, though, I’m fighting a lot of stress about well everything I think. I’m about to crawl into a ball and lock all the doors (probably not realistic considering girlchild lives here half time…apparently) and not come out until I have to…which might be sometime around April 13. I’m sure there’s some people expecting me to show up before that, but I don’t know if I can handle that. Dammit, I unlocked the front door. The Golden Retriever is now here, lying on my floor. It’s harder to be depressed with a Golden around.

I’m trying to decide whether to stitch for a while (I might not stop) or to go to the gym first. I really should go to the gym. I have a social thing tonight. For a hermit who is feeling overwhelmed and antisocial, that seems problematic. Because otherwise I would go to the gym tonight. I like it when it’s quiet there. During the day is not so quiet.

This song was in my head too much yesterday…not sure why.

Not even sure I like it. Certainly can’t watch the video without getting sick to my stomach. Maybe just the lyric “I don’t know what I believe.” Maybe that’s all I’m hanging on to today. Trying not to think about all the crap I need to do. Trying not to think about that pit in the floor that’s screeching at me. Need to meditate more.

OK. Pandora has figured out I’m feeling depressed and is now playing depressing music. I’m not sure that’s helpful, Pandora. Really, you need a better formula.

She’s in One Piece…

I didn’t get as far yesterday as I wanted to…as usual. My machine is also still in the shop, so that sucks. Hopefully it’ll be done today, because I can’t finish the ironing. I need to see the background together before I can iron the whole thing down.

I started with the hair…

Then got the full face ironed together…this was the water section, so there’s a jellyfish, some regular made-up fish (Kathy-style), and a shell. Oh, and a starfish on her face…

Then I did the sun on top of her head…

I debated ironing the whole thing together now or fitting the pieces together on the background. It is easier to just deal with one piece though, especially if it can be ironed down to the pressing sheet, because then I can stretch pieces to make them fit if needed…which is what this one needed. So here’s the head ironed to central torso…

While I was working on this, a duck love triangle was working itself out in my pool. This is an annual event. The duck couple has been visiting every day, but today an extra male showed up and there was some significant drama for a bit until this point.

I kept working. Here is ironing the upper section to the lower torso…

Which also needed some adjustment, but overall, everything fit together fairly well. Here’s the whole thing rolled up…

For storage until I can get the background ready to go.

I’m sitting at the vet with the tiny-bladdered cat for her followup. I don’t want to spend an hour here, but it seems that is always the case. I need to go buy batting and hopefully pick up my sewing machine so I can get this thing to the next stage. I might have to do a college-visit trip next week, which is going to seriously mess up my schedule for everything I needed to get done over break (much like last year). Sigh. I don’t know why I make plans…it seems life conspires against me.

Left the cat…she wouldn’t pee and I persuaded the vet to let me leave her there for a few hours. I wanted to be stitching down yesterday! Oh well…let’s see what I can get done today…at least she’s in one piece.

I Need That Right Now…

I’m getting close to done, which is good, because I’m expecting to be able to pick up my sewing machine today, and I’d like to be stitching things down today, although that would mean not doing much else, so I might have to rethink that plan. I’ve been trying to grade a little every other day and to do some yardwork every day or so, and clean some part of the house every day, although my brain just wants to get the art done…it’s worried that I won’t get this quilt far enough along by the end of break, and the reality is, I probably won’t, because stuff will get in the way, but I’m trying. I’m always trying. Part of why I write here is because it forces me to be accountable to myself, to say every day, what the fuck did you get done? What art did you make? And if you didn’t make art, what’s your excuse? Is it a good one (spending time with people is a good one)? Or is it lame (sat on the couch all day and stared at a television)? I don’t usually do that, just to be clear. But I could iron for 10 hours in a day and I don’t, because other stuff just happens. So if I only get two hours in, that’s the same amount I would do if I were teaching…and I’m not…

Anyway, yesterday was pretty good. I cleaned, I did yardwork, and I ironed for 4 hours…starting up in the torso…sunflowers on the shoulder and the arm…

Then added the heron wing, which is quite pretty (and hopefully will still be pretty on the background I picked)…

The heron body is there too, as part of the arm, ending in the head below.

I often have snakes in my quilts…couldn’t leave it out this time…

Although I ironed it separately and then set it aside, because it was in the way. I do try to iron the pieces in numerical order…it’s just easier that way than having multiple boxes out at a time. I had made dinner earlier, because I had some time in the middle of the afternoon where I didn’t feel like ironing yet, and it was lasagna, so I could premake it and refrigerate it. I’m trying to be really efficient with foodmaking right now. Froze a dinner’s worth of it for next week or the following week, when we’re both back in school, plus made enough for two dinners this week. I seem to think this stuff through better when I’m not actually teaching, unfortunately. It’s all practice for next year, when I hope to cook a meal on a Sunday and freeze it so I can have it all month, interspersed with other Sunday meals I freeze. Or something. Some attempt to be healthy and not eat the same thing every night, and admit that cooking for just one person every night is tiring.

Then I ironed the bird in the torso…

Tons of feather pieces between the two of them. Then I added the cat on the right side and a piece of the snake on top…

It got a little complicated in here. I added the rest of the snake and the heart, and then the right arm is a fox, which turned out well…

Although I had misplaced part of his eye, apparently. Never found it. Just cut a new one.

The next two sections had complicated overlapping leaves and roots on a flesh background. With the roots, I just lifted the pressing sheet and put them approximately where they belonged…

But with the leaves, I ironed them together separately and then laid them out on the background. It was too complicated to not be able to see the pattern and try to iron it at the same time.

I did the same thing on the leaves on the right breast…then ironed the bird and snake down on top of it, where they belonged…

The last step was the grassy area growing on the right shoulder…and there’s the whole torso…

That’s almost 9 hours so far.

It looks a little chaotic without the head on top. And it definitely will need outlining to define some of the areas. I think the whole thing will read as a body, though, especially with the head. I really want to see it all together today at some point, so even though I have stuff planned (gym, more yardwork, book club for a book I read over a year ago and I’m really just going because I haven’t been since December and I feel out of touch), my goal today is to get it all ironed down and at least ready for stitching down. That part should only take 4 or 5 hours, then another couple hours to pinbaste, although that reminds me…I’m not sure I have a big enough piece of batting for this thing. I should check that today.

Everything else right now is stressful. It’s nice to come in here and iron and not have to deal with drama about colleges or health issues or worry about money or taxes or school. It’s peaceful working on this quilt. There’s the problem-solving of trying to get all the pieces to fit together right. It’s very methodical, laying the pieces out numerically, looking at the pattern, fitting them together, ironing them down, seeing the image come together. Apparently I need that right now. Which is good.

I Can’t Explain…

Artists have so many things that get in the way of being able to create: Reality for one. Most of us have to have another job to pay the bills, and if it’s a decent job, it takes up more hours than those for which you get paid. And if it’s a job like mine, it takes up precious mental space as well, as we worry about kids and lessons and new curriculum and all that shite. And then on top of that, if you have a family and you’re the primary caregiver (aka, usually the mom, however sexist that is, it is reality in many families even now), then those things are in your head all the time, so when it’s an hour past when the girlchild was supposed to be home and she’s not answered her phone and you’re not entirely sure where she is, so you get the dad involved and then that turns into a contract for behavior, because honestly, that’s it, you’re done, and yes, dammit, you DO realize she is 5 months away from adulthood, but if she has any chance of surviving until then without one of her parents going nuts because she is yet again late with no communication, then there need to be clear expectations and consequences. And finally, both parents are on the same page and there is a plan. On top of that, if you are dealing with confusing tax situations that aren’t even yours (more kid stuff) and financial aid forms and the possibility of a kid going to college in Paris…yes, that’s FRANCE…for her freshman year (let’s not even talk about expense on that one, but YES, it would be an amazing experience, but when asked where do I draw the line financially? What? The line is drawn. The money stops here. WTF?).

I can’t explain…or maybe I can…why the art brain runs and hides with all that shit facing it. I can see it might think there is no space for it in all that.

It really isn’t surprising after all that AND a uterine biopsy yesterday (whoo! no one told me how fun that would be) that I was almost incapable of getting any art done until almost 10 PM. Which sucked. I did grade papers, because I’m trying to be good. I also cleaned the kitchen because I’m trying to be good. It’s possible that trying to be good is a mistake.

I’ve been accused of being selfish with my time, of not doing what the kids want me to do at the drop of a hat because of my art. And that wasn’t the case. Because it wouldn’t matter if I was spending that time at the gym, making art, or getting my nails done (not happening), I would still need some time to myself, away from the caregiver position that I exist in most of my days. Even when kids go off to college, my job is as a caregiver in many ways.

So yeah. My brain was fucked with yesterday. And today I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed and sad and tired and headachy and not happy about my existence and/or the pile of crap that still needs doing. So whatever. Another doctor’s appointment today, this one without cutting and blood. Hopefully.

But this is what I got done in two hours last night…I started with the trunk and then a bunch of tiny apples and their stems…

I had to cut all the stems out and I couldn’t quite read the tiny little numbers on them, but I think it worked out OK.

Then there were the leaves and all the stems that went with them…

Oh holy moley, that was worse. The stems are on that brown piece. There are enough of them for all those leaves. Actually, I was missing three leaves at the end. I found one of them, but two are still incommunicado.

Not that you can tell. Well, the apple on the ground is kinda obvious…

I’ll keep going through boxes and see if it appears. I have the stem! I just need the damn leaf.

I ironed the heron’s head in with the hand that came with it…

That’s the hardest part…getting everything to fit together with such tiny pieces and fussiness going on. But it did. At that point, though, I had this huge piece I was working on, and I needed more of the applique pressing sheet above, so I pulled the whole bottom section off and folded it up into a box…

And I thought about just continuing with the ironing, even though it was after midnight at that point, but my brain was roiling with messy emotional crap and it needed more of the calm peaceful fitting of pieces into the shapes they are supposed to fill, everything has a home and a place and it’s all so perfect (except when it doesn’t fit, and then that’s just as frustrating as real life and you still want to walk away from it). Ah fuck.

Yeah. I went to bed. To toss and turn.

Today I’ll continue above that with the arms and the torso. When they’re done, I can iron the bottom on. Or I can wait until I’m ironing the whole thing together. I don’t have to decide that right now.

As far as today is concerned…fuck all of yesterday’s shit. Not all of it is fixable or even my job to fix. I’ll have to deal with some of it, of course. And I’m tired, because I let all the drama into my head at bedtime and it followed me into my dreams. So maybe I should sit and draw today, because some of that could spill over into the horror I want in the drawing. That would be an acceptable place for it to live…rather than in my head. Which is where it’s sitting right now.

And my art brain is sitting over THERE sulking, arms crossed, cranky face, because I didn’t let it play as much as it wanted yesterday. I can’t explain to it that the other stuff has weight too…that it has a place too. That I have to deal with all of it. Or I can just be a hermit and once the kids move out, I can stop talking to everyone and just hide here at home. It’s definitely an option. Artists can be hermits. It’s allowed. I just suck at it.

More ironing today I think. And maybe some loud music. Or something distracting. Because it’s supposed to be vacation. And the art brain does deserve some time away from all the other crap. So do I.

Still Gonna Make It…

I did iron yesterday…I also went prom-dress shopping, something I never did growing up (I wore my aunt’s prom dress to my prom). Wow. That was blingy hell. Blingy expensive hell…like more than I paid for my wedding dress hell. And the girlchild doesn’t want bling. So I could have done without all that, but I managed to come home and iron for a while, then eat with my parents, then iron some more before my body told me it really was tired and could we go to bed, and then it didn’t want to sleep.

Anyway. It’s on vacation. It doesn’t like going to bed early on vacation.

I started by laying the first 100 pieces out…they’re all pretty good sized pieces…

It didn’t look like much at first…

I put the drawing on the ironing board under an ironing sheet…I have two huge sheets and a number of smaller ones. If I can keep the cats away from them, they don’t get damaged (a couple of my cats like(d) to chew on this stuff).

The big stuff at the bottom went pretty fast…

I call this section Earth, Wind, and Fire.

The wind is pretty light in color, so it’s hard to see on the sheet…but the background of the quilt is a dark blue, so that will be much different looking.

Then I started the acacia trees…

All of a sudden, we’re into the teensy-weensy stuff. This is the 100s…check out how much smaller they are.

So they take longer to iron. Those are all elephant pieces…and that took me a while, ironing the three elephants.

Some of the smaller pieces I don’t cut out until I get to this stage, so I don’t lose them…like eyeballs and knee wrinkles. Outlining the elephants when I quilt will really help the detail pop out.

Here they are incorporated into what had been done so far…

I’m well into the 200s now. There’s an apple tree to the right with tiny stems and tiny leaves and tiny apples…so you know what I’ll be doing today. None of the stems are cut out yet…so I’ll be cutting as I iron those. I have a nasty woman-part appointment this morning (one of those where you take pain meds before you even leave the house), so hopefully I won’t be in too much pain this afternoon, and I’ll be able to iron. I’m hoping to get this whole thing ironed together by sometime tomorrow. My sewing machine goes in today for its annual (I really should put that in quotes, because it’s so not annual) cleaning. I can’t pick it up until Wednesday, but it would be nice to be ready to be stitching down on Wednesday.

That said, I do have other stuff to work on…I finished cutting out all the pieces for the second recycled piece last night too…

I was too tired to stand and iron, but not tired enough to go to bed and sleep, so I cut stuff out. So I can iron it down as well before I get the machine. And I could even start tracing the next big quilt if I wanted to. I’d have to go enlarge it and tape it together and number it, but that’s all OK. I have free time for that. Yes, I have a list of chores and errands and have-tos as well, but I’m trying not to dwell too much on that. A little a day…today I’m going to start the FAFSA for the boychild and maybe his taxes…and Cornell’s financial aid stuff. I’m worried about next year’s expenses. Really worried. But hey, whatever. I’ll get by. I usually do.

Meanwhile, I toldja I’d be making art. I’m actually excited to see what this one will look like. I’m excited about the recycled one too…even though I think it will fade a bit into the background, because I’m kind of OK with that idea. We’ll see. By tonight, I should be up into the heron arm and whatever’s past that on the numbering (can’t remember). Lots of feathers and petals, from what I remember. Lots of things that overlap each other, which can be a pain in the butt. But that’s how I made this drawing work…no nudity, no politics, no violence. And no, there’s no guarantee it’ll get in. As usual. Still gonna make it.

Art. It Calls.

Sunday morning, no school tomorrow, no lesson plans today, no crazy trying to catch up with grading (although I should do some of that at some point). I don’t have to panic about getting to the grocery store this afternoon, because I could go tomorrow if I wanted. Or tonight at 10 PM. Because I don’t have to be up super early tomorrow and capable of dealing with the vagaries of 140 7th graders. It’s a gift of time and space and sanity. If you’re not a teacher, I don’t think you can understand what a free Sunday looks and feels like. It honestly brings tears of relief to my eyes right now. Thank goddess for a break. I really really really needed it.

Saturday pulled this out of me…

It’s actually not very big, about 10 x 12″. I have a drawing, a large one, that I need to do over break and it’s been fermenting in my head for the last month on and off. This is only half of it…and it has issues, one of which is that it’s tiny and it needs to be much bigger. Another is the damn electrical lines. I was going to have the two figures (yes, there’s another one) standing and facing each other, but now I’m thinking kneeling? I don’t know. I like the shapes and movement caused by the kneeling, but I was reminded that there’s no uterus in this! Oh my god! What shall I do? I could move the hand back and add one in, but what would it be growing on this side? The other side, the undrawn side, is easy…but this side. Huh. Maybe one should be kneeling and one standing? I could argue for that.

I love letting all that roll around in my head though. I’ll pull the big sketchbook out maybe tonight and start over and see what I get. I never used to pre-draw anything, and then I found it wasn’t a bad thing, that it let me work out stuff on paper in a small size and with just a little time expenditure, instead of getting hours into a larger drawing and deciding it wasn’t working.

So yeah, two figures. Gonna draw each one separately in the 14 x 17″ sketchbook, then enlarge 250% or so and put them together and figure out what the hell is going on around them (already have ideas for that, rockets and missiles and bombs and satellites and birds and clouds and tornadoes and I don’t know what else). Plus there has to be an underground. Yes, this is my big summer quilt I think. Although I want to do one of the bathtub series drawings too. I’m sounding a bit on the crazy side. But realistically, if I can get the two I’m working on now done mostly over break, then I can start tracing a bathtub quilt and by the end of school have it at least ironed together, quilt it the first week or so of summer break, while tracing the big one.

Speaking of two figures, this video…

Head over Heels

Back to what I can get done.

It’s doable. I did more than that last summer. And the summer before. I can’t afford to go anywhere…too many college costs coming up. So make art. Play loud music. Maybe clean something. I really do need to do that. But for today, I feel like I should be able to just veg out a little, like maybe a semi-normal person would do on Sunday. Honestly, it won’t last long before I’m up and ironing the next quilt together. Because that’s out in the living room and it’s kinda screaming at me. Because I want to see what it’s gonna look like. And potentially in about 10 hours, I could know. I could start now and not stop to eat or pee, and I’d be done by bedtime.

Yeah. OK. That’s a little crazy. But I did consider it.

OK. I’m going. Art. It calls.