I Can’t Do Much from Way out Here*

Yeah. I took the weekend off writing. It really was just that I ran out of time. I regularly take Sunday off, but Saturday started with places I had to be, things I had to do, and I never got caught up enough to write. I got a lot done, though…so I guess that’s good. I’m still a little panicked about deadlines and having too much to do this week, but I’ll survive. I’m a few steps closer to being done with what has to be done.

I had ironing to do on Saturday…but Kitten really thinks of the iron as her own space heater…

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I was trying to figure out how to attach the sheet to the background fabric and keep the bottom free, but also leave the possibility of finishing the top as a wall quilt.

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For this show, I want it to hang free…but I don’t know if I want that in the long term…

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So I figured that out, marked the fabric, cut and washed the background, and then headed off to the Visions opening (more on that later), plus band watching. I draw in bars a lot…this because I like the music, and I do sometimes dance, but I’m often in there for 4 hours or so, and that’s a long time for someone like me to just SIT there. So I draw.

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I did two drawings…I don’t think this one is done…

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Nice shadows though.

Sunday, after spending most of the day dealing with household stuff and a ton of grading (I think I described it as grading until my eyes bled), I finally got back to the problem…So I didn’t want a visible stitch line, because I want it to look like the sheet is just pulled up. So I started with Wonder Under underneath…

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And once I had it attached, I hand-stitched the top and the folds…

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Because if I want all that to hold when it’s hung on the wall, it’s got to be more than Wonder Under…you can see the stitching on the back…

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Then I laid out the pieces where they belonged. I had to put another layer of white under her butt so the sheet wouldn’t show through so badly.

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And then I did the stitch down, which took less than an hour, compared to the two hours it took me to get it all on there today.

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I got it all stitched down…here’s the back.

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I don’t even remember what my time estimates were before, but the ironing took a lot longer than I thought, mostly because of the sheet. Hopefully tonight I can sandwich it and start quilting. This is a crappy busy week, though, and I still need to draw on the nightstand. Sigh.

I’ll figure it out. I always do. I think I’m OK on time, actually, so I should stop panicking…but this week feels tight already. Starting with today, because I didn’t prep for today’s lab AND I have before-school duty…so I really need to be at school early. I’d much rather make art…honestly.

*Freedy Johnston, Save Yourself City Girl

There’s a Place That We Belong*

It’s Friday. That’s a good thing. Unless you’re trying to get a doctor’s appointment as soon as possible. Insert crying/laughing face here. Oh well. Urgent care on Friday after school it is. Nothing major…just an allergic reaction I think. Love my body’s immune system. It goes into overdrive for the stupidest shit. It would be fine if it weren’t constantly evolving. Intelligent design, my ass.

So when I got home and was done with dinner, peppered by texting from the kids about politics (well, the girlchild jumped ship early on that one), I went straight to the studio. I had updated the coloring book files, fixed the two typos and the one picture issue, and submitted the new files for review. This thing is almost done! Hallelujah.

But I also need to finish these two projects for the same deadline.

I ironed…

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I lost part of the cat’s ear for about an hour, but then it reappeared. I actually did really well with all these parts…nothing lost permanently.

It was a fussy iron though…lots of tiny pieces.

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I originally guessed 2-3 hours and it was just under 3 last night…but I still need to iron it to a background and engineer the sheet part. So that will take a while.

Here’s the second 100 pieces all laid out for me. You can see all the tiny pieces in the top half. Finger wrinkles and baby faces…

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So I didn’t really get anything else done last night except this…

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Good progress though. Hopefully she’ll get completely ironed down tonight. And maybe even stitched down. We’ll see. That’s the plan anyway.

I have pens for this now, nice new ones. But I didn’t draw last night. I sent this picture to the kids and they were worried about how sad puppy looked.

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Well yeah, he’s sad because I won’t come sit with him (I did eventually and then all he did was bite me). I’m not a good dog entertainer when I’m working.

All our ballots showed up yesterday. Time to vote! Then I can really ignore all the drama. I’ve been trying, although the media certainly doesn’t want me to give up on it. Please tell me how I can lose my right to vote. Please remind me that I’m a second-class citizen for having a uterus…god forbid all of us who aren’t straight white males have rights in this world. I’m often confused by the things people say, supposedly intelligent people, about how I’m imagining the war on women, that it’s not really that bad. Oh yeah? BE ONE. That doesn’t even touch on being someone who’s not white or not straight or not a round peg in the round hole. So frustrated with humans right now. Moving to a really big island and taking the sane people with me.

*Peter Gabriel (with Kate Bush), Don’t Give Up

I Follow Where My Mind Goes*

Brain muddle. Good description of where your brain goes sometimes, right? I’m sitting here trying to write artist statements for two pieces that aren’t even done. There are days when I can’t explain what I HAVE done…today is apparently not the day to try to explain what’s still unfinished and largely exists in my head.

I didn’t get home until late last night…I’m a union rep, so those meetings just seem to go on forever. And then the parental mail and check up on their stuff. In good news, though, educating children went a little better yesterday after the previous day. I had to be mean to some kids, but that happens sometimes. I think I need a baby gate for one of them. Or an exercise ball (she wouldn’t sit on it).

So I didn’t get started on anything artistic until late. I thought about drawing on the nightstand, but I really need a new thick Sharpie for that. So that’s on the to-buy list for today, along with more milk. Too bad I can’t get those in the same place. I need a general store. Grocery stores don’t cut it. Maybe Target. I was just there Monday night, desperately buying a pair of headphones that didn’t turn out to be so desperate (still a good thing, though, because both of mine stopped working on the same day). I need to finish proofing the coloring book too. That came out of nowhere…this is why my phone calendar is so full of stuff.

So no drawing…I still needed to finish cutting out the pieces for the quilt portion of this thing…so I did that. And then I sorted them. There’s only 200 of them. Well, there’s more than that because I misnumbered, but close enough.

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Ideally, after that, I would have gone to my studio and started ironing, but it was after 11 and I was tired. Ugh. This is such a tiring year. So I didn’t. I’m starting to panic about the timing on this project. And trying to write a statement! I need to go back and read the organizer’s info and make sure I’m talking to that. I know I did mentally in the beginning, but I don’t have a clue what I was thinking way back when. In May or June.

Calli distinctly does not give a shit.

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Sometimes I wish I could be her.

OK, but I do better if I think this shit out. I need to iron down this quilt top, which will probably take 2-3 hours…mostly because I have to figure out attaching the sheet with the body on top of it. Then I need to do stitch down, which should take less than an hour. Then sandwich and pinbaste it, which ought to be interesting, because of the sheet again. I think this is why I keep delaying work on this…it’s an engineering problem. My SIL asked me last night why I don’t do 3D work, like make a person and stuff them, and all I could think was “because Susan Else rocks it and I can’t think like that.” The construction throws me. But I like it when this art group I’m in makes me think outside my box.

So I’m up to maybe 4 hours. Then it needs quilting. This is where I can cut time if I need to…but let’s say at least 2 hours. I’m not binding it for this show. I just want raw edges. In fact, raw should be in the statement. So I only need 6 more hours. I have Saturday, most of the day…I have Sunday, a little. So maybe that’s my goal…is to finish the quilt part of this thing by Sunday night. Then I can draw a little at a time all week on the nightstand, varnish it on the 24th (shhh…I’m taking the day off), and it should be dry by the opening.

No Problem. I Got This.

Really. I just needed some mental space to place all that work time. Now I can concentrate on sticking to that schedule…

*The Psychedelic Furs, Love My Way

Now I’m on My Knees*

Yesterday went sideways fast. Never assume that because the mornings are going well that the afternoons will follow. Afternoons at school are like recalcitrant, tired, hungry children. Sometimes you can get them back to normal with a snack and a nap, and sometimes it’s a clusterfuck. Yesterday? Clusterfuck. I swear. I need to find that balance.

I even came home and worked some more. I have to. I barely have time to grade at school because of planning. This one made me laugh out loud…

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Dammit. Why isn’t the floor salad? It should be! I love my language learners…sometimes I can’t figure out what the hell they’re saying, and sometimes I know what it is but it just amuses me.

But then after dinner and hanging out, I finally got to this point…I took all this glue from school, where I hadn’t used it since I taught art up at the other middle school (9 years?)…this glue never dies, people…

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And I found all the books Prudence got, plus the one I already had, and then I did something I have been trained for years NOT to do…

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I tore pages out of those books…and I mixed me up some gluey water…and I started to decoupage. Yeah. That.

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So my feminist art group has a show coming up about nightstands, about the women who sleep next to them. Prudence and I have done all our brainstorming via email, because both of us are too busy to ever be in the same room together, but we both read in bed, sometimes to fall asleep, sometimes because we can’t sleep. And so we picked books by female authors who either had to write under a masculine pseudonym or one so anonymous that you wouldn’t be able to tell…and this thing is covered with those pages.

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It probably took 2 1/2 hours to cover it. I’m OK that they’re not flat. I’m sure a perfectionist would have issues. Now it’s ready for the drawing stage! Oh yeah. You read that right. I’m not sure how that’s gonna fly, but we’ll figure it out.

At the end, I took a break with the puppy, who needed some lap time. I needed some wine.

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Yes. I did decoupage in the middle of my living room on the coffee table. Gotta love living alone sometimes. I was a little worried that I’d wake up in the morning and find a cat glued to it, but they stayed away.

Calli was significantly uninvolved in the project. So was Katie…

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I think they were afraid they’d end up in the project.

This goes with the fabric one I’m working on…they both have to be done by November 1st, possibly earlier. Ha! Yeah. I’m working on it.

Speaking of working on it, this is what I face to get out of my street, my one lane…

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They move the plates back over so I can get out, but it takes time. Pain in the ass…for the next two months on and off. Sigh.

*Peter Gabriel, Shock the Monkey

You Can Ponder Perpetual Motion*

Aargh. I feel like this year is going to burn me out quicker than most school years, and not because of the kids (that’s usually what does it). I’m trying to do all the things I’m supposed to do to handle that, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Yesterday I had a ton of professional development, although honestly it just felt like another way to make me do more work than I’m already doing. It’s enough to write curriculum from scratch…but to then have to do all this supplementary stuff on the curriculum I just wrote is killing my brain. When I got overwhelmed (and irritated) in the morning, I started drawing. Unfortunately, this is on the back of some crap I’m probably going to need later (and they told me I would need yesterday, but did not).

This is what it looks like when Nida is overwhelmed in a PD…

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And it’s not because what they were saying was hard…honestly, I’ve seen most of it before, but then that just irritates me, and then they assigned some really vaguely worded homework for when we next meet, and I just don’t fucking care about their little projects that I have to jump through a hoop for. Let me plan. For god’s sake, let me get some grading done, because I’m buried. Stop telling me I have to do more.

This year. Damn. There are 17 other things I need to manage today that are school-related besides the two additional things that were assigned yesterday. Bastards.

So by the time I got home, I was antsy as hell. I just needed to like RUN somewhere (and my knees don’t go along with that much). I’ve been having a person issue with one of my walking routes with the dogs, so I didn’t want to drag all three dogs through that route…but I needed somewhere close. So I drove to the ex’s house with two dogs and picked up the third dog, and walked their butts off. Mine too…we needed it. OK. I needed it more than they did.

But I came home and dealt with grades, because I lost my prep period yesterday and didn’t have time to get them done. Plus I’m constantly trying to catch up.

Then I sanded this sucker for the nightstand project…in the dark. On the deck. With the dogs. Listening to the yelling down the road from a major accident…I heard it happen and then the yelling started. Sirens. They were yelling about a rollover. Scary stuff. It’s the turn I make onto my road and once a car barely avoided my ex with both kids in the car, taking out a mailbox instead.

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Tonight I’m hoping to start gluing shit on it. Not really shit. You’ll see. The holes on the bottom are a bit of an issue. Trying to decide what to do about them. Quick fix. There’s metal screens in there. I don’t want to spend a lot of time dealing with the holes. And I’m not great with a power saw. I have a piece of wood that’s too wide…but it would just be one cut.

Then I settled down with scissors. I thought I could finish cutting these out last night, but I was too damn tired.

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I’m maybe halfway done. Another thing to try to get done tonight. And grades. Always grades. In fact, I should be doing more of that right now…sometimes I do feel like a perpetual motion machine…

*Creedence Clearwater Revival, Up Around the Bend

Everything Zen…I Don’t Think So…*

OK. Feeling better. Got some stuff done. Did a ton of grading…still not done, but better. Finally got to the next step in the project that has to be done way too soon, and got the materials for the other project that has to be done at the same time. Got a quilt ready to ship. Now the house and yard are still a disaster, and I’m sure I forgot something, but I’m starting out OK. I even have clean laundry. See? I am functional. And how I feel about the day is directly related to how much of the to-do list I cleared the day before AND how much time I got to make art. This is why I feel better over breaks. Even the ones where I have to spend 40 hours grading.

One of the things that was delaying my start on ironing the newest piece to fabric was that I had to put away all the fabrics from the last quilt. There were a ton of them…

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But it’s not like this process takes very long…I just don’t ever want to start at 11 PM.
So I was good yesterday…I started in the late afternoon.

I had spent a good chunk of the day grading, just like I did on Friday. And puppy came to me exhausted on Sunday, which was a good thing.

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Honestly, having three dogs is a pack, and it’s a bit too much for me, but they do entertain the little one better.

The newest piece is a bit of a departure, since it will (a) actually lie on a bed and (b) not be bound. At least not for this show. I may bind it later. I’m also incorporating a real sheet in the bottom of the piece, but I realized the pillowcases in the drawing probably should use the sheet fabric as well.

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There are two human figures…but there’s only 200 pieces total in this whole piece, so I thought I could probably iron it all in one go…the flesh of the adult below.

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I had to talk myself into continuing at one point, because I was tired, but I was so close to done. It’s always a balance…because I find it hard to fall asleep anyway, so when you add that into the mix, it’s really better if I stay up too late and then I’ll fall asleep quickly (well, honestly, that didn’t work last night, but puppy barking was part of the issue…he needs earplugs).

Here’s all the fabrics I used in this piece…35 of them. In about 3 hours…

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And there they are, all ready to be cut out tonight.

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That is, if I survive today. Professional development in the morning, teach in the afternoon, and then a 2-hour staff meeting. Plus the dogs need a walk, but I’m not sure I can handle all three of them at once. I don’t have enough time during the week to pull off multiple walks usually. So I’ll have to figure that out.

Three dog butts eating in a row…

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Feeding them is seriously a chore, keeping the two fat ones out of the little one’s food. Piglets. And then he just looks at me…”Mooooom. They ate my food again.” He’s the slowest eater. By far. Survival of the fittest.

I’m awfully tired this morning to sit through a PD. They make me cranky as hell anyway. Not a good sign. I’ve already seen the topics list and the things they’re going to make me write about, and I don’t have the brain power. It’s more work on top of a huge pile of work that already exists. Oh well. At the end, there’s art.

*Bush, Everything Zen

Find Out What We’re Made of*

OK. Better. A little. I made art. It’s amazing what that daily dose does for me. Well and a counseling session. Mindset needs to flip about some stuff. Trying to do that without feeling more stress about it. That might be the hardest part.

So first of all, I delivered this commission, Owl 3.0, last night…

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To its rightful owner, Julie…who has been around me and my art for a long time and is one of my two Number 1 Fans.

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We stitch every month together at a Barnes & Noble…this was my name on the cup last night…

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Creative spelling. Or just hieroglyphics.

I worked on one of the Sue Spargo blocks. These are very relaxing to do…and more appropriate in the space than trying to cut Wonder Under out.

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Although with 105 bullion knots just in the flower, I think each block might take 8 months to do…

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I really do like to hand embroider. I just don’t do much of it any more on my own pieces…no time. Maybe that’s something that should be in the solo show. Somehow. Because I still have no time.

I’m followed everywhere by this pod of mismatched dogs…

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They mill about and occasionally settle…I don’t know if you can see the Golden on the floor under my feet.

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She put her bone on the coffee table for safekeeping. Seriously. From the puppy. Who is on my lap.

I finally settled them all enough that I could start cutting out the Wonder Under for the piece that was supposed to be done last week. And I was getting emails about it yesterday…for photos of the piece in progress. Well. Um. Here they are.

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Lots of doggy interaction going on…

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But I cut them all out in less than an hour…

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I even sorted them into two bins (there’s only 200 pieces). So if I have any energy or brainpower tonight, I can pick the fabrics. Certainly I should have them done over the weekend. Cutting pieces and ironing down next week…which means figuring out the construction issue…by next weekend. I’m quilting this, but not trimming and binding it. Not for this show. I might decide differently later on…but for this show, it shouldn’t be.

So that will make it easier to get it done. A little. I also need to make a slide show of my work for a presentation tomorrow night. Which is a little nerve-wracking. But I guess I know about 5 people in the group…so it won’t be totally like standing up in front of 40 people you’ve met. Just about 35 people I’ve never met. It’ll be fine.

OK. Progress. My brain is in a much better place this morning. Those alpha waves save my ass…

*Bruno Mars, Count on Me

But I Won’t Hesitate No More…*

I have to admit this school year is kicking my butt. The constant planning is hard on my brain…this is planning with no existing curriculum…just a pile of standards. It takes a ton of time. And on top of that, there are the running weekly adjustments to make shit work. And then we try to plan low-maintenance days into the curriculum, days when we should be able to get some grading done or sit and check in with kids who really need it, or at least not be at 130%, and instead it turns into high-maintenance checks. Mostly they want me to check every one of their answers, and I’m trying to train them to check their own work. To have faith in their own ability. That’s a lot harder to teach. To teach a kid that not every answer has to be pre-approved by the teacher. Oh my. It’s exhausting. Seven-hundred hands in the air. Ugh. And maybe only one of them was legit.

I really need to sit next to a few of my kids and walk them through every research step, because they can’t even match up the words on the paper to the words on the screen. Like Find the Atomic Number…where is that? Where it says Atomic Number on the screen. Ironically, our English-learning department wants us to give them high-level text. I’m like…Um…you realize I could write this at a kindergarten level and it would be high-level for them? Sigh. I hate the system some days. Makes me want to be a barrista. Or a bagger at the grocery store. A job where I don’t have to take it home. Where I don’t feel like I’m failing on a daily basis.

Then an after-school meeting and the gym (I really needed the gym). I was so glad to get to read my book. I want to just sit down and keep reading it until I’m done, but that’s not an option at the moment. I honestly don’t have time to read unless I’m eating dinner (yes, I read while I eat) or at the gym. And then I graded. And then it was almost bedtime. I had to be up early this morning.

So I’m sitting here right now feeling UGHHGHG because I didn’t do anything yesterday (really) but work. I worked hard. But I only worked. It’s funny because then the next day there’s usually backlash and I don’t work at all (well, at least AFTER work hours…I don’t really have the option to blow off the day itself). So maybe it does balance. Except then I feel behind in grading or missing good feelings from making art, depending on what I didn’t get to that day. This job is incredibly awful for having a balanced life.

I guess if all I did when I came home was deal with the dogs, eat some dinner, and go to bed, everything would be fine. Silly me trying to be an artist in the face of that.

So I had to revise my door at school. There was a small contingent of whiny brats (sorry, I’m pissed that they didn’t have the balls to talk to me or my students…my students would have explained their thinking, which has nothing to do with the election and everything to do with bullying language) who went to the principal…these were adults, mind you, not kids. And now I have kids asking me why I changed it.

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I told them the principal made me. Actually, that makes me laugh. And it’s still Trump’s face, so whatever.

I have no damn art photos for today, because I didn’t even touch it. But I did have dogs everywhere. And cats.

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Ugh. I need a break. From shit. I NEED TO DRAW DAMMIT.

But right now, I need to go to school. And try to deal. Honestly, this adulting crap is getting old. Ha ha. Old. Because I’m old, right? Yeah. I know. Pandora is playing all this poppy perky-ass music and my brain wants like booming Led Zeppelin or slamming Linkin Park. Whatevs. This is what is known in my household as A Mood. It will wander off eventually if I stop feeding it shit.

*Jason Mraz, I’m Yours

Just Tell Me What You’ve Got to Say to Me*

I’m in a mood. It’s a mood caused by adults. Well…and a really slow loaner computer at school, because my computer is dying and I have to use a shitty loaner. But mostly adults. School politics drives me bonkers. Mostly I just avoid it, if I can, but I do have my students’ backs…so if they want to challenge things a little, I support them in that. I’m disappointed that adults who work with children can’t also have an intelligent discussion with them. So I guess this is my opportunity to discuss free speech and censorship with my homeroom. Maybe I should thank the adults for allowing me to do that. Yeah. Thanks.

So I left work yesterday and tried to get out and hike…we eventually got there for a shortened version (got dark too early)…

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I love these hikes at the end of the daylight…I really do just dump all the shit in my head out on the path. And then I can focus on whatever I need to. Usually.

So I finished grades. Because they’re due today. Always a good thing. To get them done on time. Because that’s part of my job. Just like encouraging critical thinking is part of my job.

And then I put a binding on the owl…

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And then I settled down for the hand-sewing, a glass of wine, and an hour of training on integrated pest management.

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Yeah. You read that right. Some of the dumbassery teachers get to deal with. Blurry pictures of cockroaches. No explanation of how to get rid of prions. Blaming us for mice in the classroom. I don’t have any damn mice in my classroom, but thanks. Telling me all my materials had to be in plastic containers. Who buys those containers? Teachers do. With their own money. I had to take a quiz. I got 100%. I actually missed one on the court-mandated reporter quiz, because it was really badly written and I got confused by the words. I love badly written teacher materials. Like typos in professional development powerpoints. Those are my favorite.

Adults. Seriously. Need to get out of my way today.

This is the crooked, highly shadowed photo, because I need to take another one later in better light. But this one is good for seeing the quilting.

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That was kinda fun to do. Anyway. It needs to be ironed and dehaired and then Julie can have it. Well. She’ll be paying me for it, which I highly appreciate. This piece was commissioned by a friend, and she very patiently waited for it while I got my act together. It’s actually the same owl that’s in here…

Art Quilts and Fiber Arts

On her right hip (on the left because you’re facing her).

And apparently I have to say this too. Trying to copy my work is against the law. If you want an owl quilt, you have some options. You can look at about 100 pictures or more of owls and then draw your own and make your own quilt (what I did). Or you can buy an owl quilt that either I or some other hardworking, underpaid artist made (what Julie did). One of us who works while you’re asleep because we’re that driven. Now if I made patterns of this (which I’m not going to do), then you could buy a pattern and make your own and then not sell it, just use it for personal use, because selling anything made from a pattern is usually also against the law, depending on what the pattern says. And I say this because artists’ rights are another thing that is often ignored. You don’t have a right to my image because I put it out there on the internet. You have a right to exercise your own creativity and make your own stuff, or to financially reward the other artists who are doing that. Choose wisely.

Oh yeah. It’s gonna be one of those days. Wish me luck. Patience. I need some of that too.

*White Town, Your Woman

Let It Run All Over Me*

So quilting finally occurred. I finally got enough schoolwork out of the way that I felt OK with spending time with art. I made a label for a sold quilt first and packed it up for shipping, but then I settled down with the tiny owl, Owl 3.0, so named because there are two small owls that came before her. Or him. Because really I don’t know how to sex an owl. It would probably help if I knew what kind of owl I’d made…something to do with feather colors. Oh well.

So I started with outlining…I ended up using the purplish-brown color.

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I always forget how fast the small ones go…

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The back of the quilt…

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And then I started quilting the wind…the fun part…

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On most of my big quilts, there’s so much detail that I don’t spend a lot of time on the background…but the bird quilts seem to lend themselves to windy backgrounds…

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Then I picked a binding and cut fabric for a sleeve. Now, in the morning, I’m debating a bottom sleeve as well for weight…we’ll see.

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I realized I’m seeing the future owner of this quilt on Thursday and I might actually be able to finish it by then. So why not? Then I can start the bed quilt (which is notionally for a bed, but for an art show, so not really a bed quilt per se. Probably I should call it Bed quilt for less confusion.). And I have a drawing I need to do for a friend. If I keep the art side busy, it helps reduce the stress on the work side. The work side is pretty overwhelming at the moment, so it would help.

I’m hoping to start my own coloring book after that…once I have this one for my art group figured out. The hardest part of that one was all the art from other people. Fussing over my own art seems easier. I won’t need to label them all with names and websites that have to be correct. But it all takes time. I managed to get the driveway swept this weekend…filled two huge trashcans…but you know it’ll be covered again in a week. Then there’s all the other yardwork to do. I can’t get caught up with anything at the moment. Trying not to think about that…one day at a time…damn, I still need to finish progress report grades…before tomorrow. Sigh.

*Van Morrison, And It Stoned Me