Did You Know You Brought Me Around*

I think when I finally get to the chiropractor tomorrow, he’s not gonna let me leave. I’ll just have to stay there until my neck and back are fixed. And that might be days. In awesome-sauce news, I finished grading the giant science unit, so now I can breathe a little easier. I still have grading to do, of course, because it’s not the end of June (seriously, that’s the only time it stops), but the big ugly thing is gone. Whoo! I really wanted to celebrate with someone at 10:30 last night, but everyone I knew who would care was asleep. So I did a little dance, scared the crap out of the animals, took some deep meditative breaths, and tried to stop grinding my teeth…that’s been going on for over a month now. Not a good sign. Think I either need a vacation where I sleep and sit in a hot tub and nothing else, or about 17 massages.

But in other good news, I did manage to finish cutting out the rest of the Wonder Under…only 6 hours and a few minutes to do that. And then I sorted it…

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That’s the easy part. Next is the fabric choosing part, which is fun. But hard to do at the end of a school day, because of all the standing. I’ll do it, though. I need to be ironing by Monday. And that means about 10 hours of ironing and another 6-8 of cutting shit out before then. Plus everything else that’s happening this week.

Luckily, the animals just lie around and sleep all night…

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Or look cute.

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That makes some of it easier to think about. Progress. I wanted to draw last night. These two drawings are wearing on me. I need them out of my head.

*Zero 7, Somersault

I Blame It on My Own Supply*

Interesting couple of days. I really really really wish I didn’t understand HTML. Because I spent about an hour last night editing it…

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Why? Because Blogger is a piece of crap sometimes. Sigh. Some bug in the fonts was driving me nuts, so I just went in and deleted all the code until I could make it work. Just so I could write a post about the Night Stand exhibit I’m in with Feminist Image Group…go check it out. We’re having a pajama party (no really) on Thursday, aka an artists’ talk, but not really? But if you want to hear the artists talk about their pieces, that would be the time to go. In your pajamas. There’s food.

This might be the closest I got to making art this weekend…photographing the cat next to the cold iron.

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Oh wait, I did buy background fabrics. I couldn’t choose. I will use the others (I use blue a lot for some reason), so I’m not worried about having extra, but I haven’t made a decision yet.

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Which is fine, because I still haven’t cut out the last yard. Tonight. Hopefully. I went back to school yesterday and graded more science units, plus spent about 4 hours on that post (resizing photos, pulling all the text, editing the text, at least I didn’t have to type the text, fussing with the damn stupid code. See a non-copyeditor would have said “Oh Well” and moved on because they wouldn’t have known what to do.).

I don’t think this is art. Although it seems like it.

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But I did make it to art on Saturday night. This is amazing work by Marianela de la Hoz, currently at ArtProduce.

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Her work is tiny and delicate and incredibly detailed…

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And political on top of it. This is Paradise Lost and the Big Bang.

The detail on this piece…The Absurd Monologue Between Adam, His Image, and His Likeness…

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I stared at this one for a long time…

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The skulls alone…

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Behold the Man I…no joke there.

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Definitely fitting work for the times. I really enjoyed this show.

Anyway. So I’m still not getting art time in, although my plan is to spend almost all of next week arting. I now have two full drawings in my head, and I still need to start ironing Wonder Under to fabric this week. Somehow! Seriously. I’m not enjoying this. My chiropractor is gonna have a field day with my neck and back this week. Deep breaths. I can survive this week and have a week off with all the goodness that I can save up until Winter Break. I can do it!

*AWOLNATION, Sail

If I Just Lay Here*

It’s amazing how two full nights of sleep help. Although things are still looming, I think I can handle them. For now. Ask me how I feel about that on December 1, though. Or in January, when the politics get worse than they already are. Friends are worried about their posts becoming an issue with the change in political climate. Artist friends are ramping up their political pressure. I know where I stand on that, I guess. I’ve been apparently making controversial art for a long time…I suspect that’s going to continue, based on the drawings currently in my head.

I was grading yesterday at school…there’s A/C there (it was in the 90s yesterday here in sunny Southern California), plus the construction noise here was driving me bonkers. I’m going back tomorrow. But I’m sitting there grading as both my kids are going back and forth about political stuff they’re involved in at school…and you worry, because you’re the mom, but I’m really proud of them. Good kids. Go out and change the world. Because this sucks. Big time. I feel a disconnect between their marching in protests and the like and my sitting here and grading papers about atoms.

Meanwhile, I got about halfway through the piles. That’s it. I’m going back today.

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It was about 3 1/2 hours yesterday. Probably will be the same today, if I can find 3 1/2 hours. I still need to finish a worksheet for Tuesday, write next week’s warmups, write and send next week’s parent email (these are the things I do on Sundays), and who knows what else. But my goal is to have all those graded before break so I don’t have to worry about them then. I can work on the quilt that has to be done in early December and the copyediting, when it comes. And maybe clean the house and clean up the downed branch that’s been in the back yard for about 6 weeks now.

I walked the dogs too…and myself. A nice 3-mile hike to clear the mind. Those are harder to do with the time change…it gets dark too damn early.

I went to an opening, shopping for pens (there’s only one place I’ve found to get them locally, and it’s in Hillcrest, which is a pain in the butt for parking), made dinner, and then settled down to the long boring task of cutting out Wonder Under pieces…with Midnight supervising.

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It’s actually sort of meditative, and I kind of get surrounded by animals…it’s hot during the day, but chilly at night, so they gather around.

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Simba isn’t sure about being next to Calli…but she really doesn’t care…unless he’s biting her.

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Of the 5 yards, this is 4 of them cut out on the bottom, a box of trash on the top. Just one more to go. Not sure if that will happen today, but I did give myself Sunday as well…because sorting them will probably take an hour as well.

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Then later this week, I can start ironing them down. Although one other thing I’ll need to do today or tomorrow is find or buy a background fabric. Which means staring at the drawing for a while to figure out what color that might be. I don’t have a clear image of this in my head at the moment, in color at least, so that might take some rumination. I’d really rather be ready to go today…so that’s grading, drawing, and fabric today. Plus an opening. Plus some version of socializing. Well. Maybe with just one other person. Not sure I can handle more than that at the moment. Says the woman going to another opening tonight. Sigh. OK. Whatever. Still crying at the drop of a hat. I am so worried about the future of my students…about the future of my own children. There is too much crazy in the world.

*Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars

I Don’t Know Why Sometimes I Get Frightened*

Yes. I have the day off. Thank you, veterans of the world. I’ve been reading too much (as many of us over-educated people apparently do) lately, and am disturbed by references to how major conflicts and wars began in the past and what we are seeing with Brexit and TrumpWorld. Though I am not pro military in many ways and I wish we could coexist in this world without always trying to force each other to behave, I also realize the Hitlers and Putins and Mugabes of the world probably need a military force in order to make them behave. A worldwide force. So for stopping concentration camps and dropping atom bombs, I will say thank you to our veterans. And for anything that we need to do in the future…protecting human rights for all…not just whoever seems to be in charge.

That said, holiday or not, I am going to work as soon as I finish this. I have a pile of work that is taller than I am, I think. I can’t go into this weekend with that hanging over me. I want to get a good chunk of it done. Especially since I know I have a quilt that needs to get done over Thanksgiving week…because I’m starting a copyediting job right after that. So time is tight.

But my brain is in this place. We met last night for the next show my women’s art group is planning and we revised it in light of the election. And on the way home, the drawing for it popped into my head. I need time to sit out on the deck and draw that. Although the mosquitoes are back. So maybe not on the deck. Sigh. But the world does not feel safe at the moment, not for women, not for LGBTQ, not for my refugee and immigrant students, not for anyone who does not want to feel attacked all the time. There is a call for people like me to better understand those who voted for Trump, and I have a hard time getting past the reality that a lot of it was probably a sexist choice or a choice based on fear of change. But I will listen. And I will act…if that act is making more art, or if it is marching in solidarity somewhere, or if it is speaking up against racism and sexism and xenophobia everywhere (I already do this in my classroom), then so be it.

I came home and finished tracing the Wonder Under on the new piece…just over 10 hours…

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It’s 5 yards…about…of Wonder Under. I almost met my revised schedule on this. I think I wanted to be done tracing on Wednesday and cutting on Thursday.

Midnight. You are such a dork.

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But I did start cutting…got two yards cut out. And watched all of Colony…dystopian societies with revolutionary groups fighting for freedom and rights. Huh.

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This morning, there’s the remaining three yards waiting for me. Tonight?

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If I get enough work done, yes. Finish cutting them out this weekend and sort them. Start picking fabrics by Sunday night? Maybe. Ouch. Way too much to do. Grading. Finishing that worksheet for Tuesday’s class (waited a bit too long on that one). Planning for after break…just getting the normal school stuff done on top of this grading pile. And the holidays coming…

Yesterday, I had this one group of kids fighting over the lab equipment, and then the two boys were denigrating the one girl who was trying to do her part, and I finally went off on them. Quietly. Which I think scared them. And I asked them what we were learning in homeroom about how to listen to other people respectfully, and I asked them why they were trying to make the two girls feel bad for “not doing it right.” They froze. And their faces dropped. And they heard me for once. Hey, that age…when they DO hear you, that’s a big one. I’m keeping that moment in my heart and head at the moment. That was a success. They worked together after that. Mostly. Because one of the boys has some major shit in his head. But those moments give me hope.

Yeah. I need a hike today too. I bet the dogs do too…so despite temperatures in the 90s and early sunset, I’m going to push that into the schedule. Because I have to take care of this stressful, panicked feeling. One of my art friends said, “Make Art Loudly.” Yeah. That.

*Split Enz, I Got You

When the Evening’s Thin*

So many conversations going on. So many worries. So many stories of hate out there. My students who wouldn’t stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. Hell, I’m with them on many days, but I told them, this is YOUR country. Not Trump’s. Be angry. Be scared. But remember this is your country. Hard for some of them to hear, as refugees. As immigrants. I remind them my own family immigrated here. We didn’t start here. We left oppression, starvation, and came here.

I had a long meeting after school, then a longish phone conversation. The plus is I got the copyediting job, but it will start later than I thought. In some ways, that’s good…it gives me a chance to finish the grading I’m trying to do on the last HUGE unit, plus the quilt that needs to be done by December (ouch. scary.). And then December will be a bit of a bitch. But I’ll have some money by the end of it for college. And I need that right now.

I did grade some stuff last night. And then I went back to tracing…

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At one point, I thought I could finish last night…but then I realized I had another 150 pieces to go, which is at least an hour and probably closer to two. And it was midnight. Hmmn. And I had to be up early for a meeting. Ugh. Yesterday, I lit about 45 candles. For science…although I did briefly say some good thoughts to the goddess while doing it. And I don’t do that often. I didn’t set off any fire alarms. I feel pretty good about that. Today I think I will have to tie knots in 45 balloons. We’ll see.

Tomorrow I walk these guys…except it’s in the 90s today and supposed to be tomorrow as well (is it November? Really?).

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Someone left my yard gate open and both of them got out yesterday evening. In the dark. The little one doesn’t come when he’s called, but he follows when the big one and I run away from him. I’m a little creeped out by the gate…who was here? Pool guy doesn’t come on Wednesday. Plus the pool was full of leaves, so I know he wasn’t here. This living alone thing is scary sometimes. I reminded a friend who called last night that she was lucky to have someone to cuddle with in bed tonight…so she should go do that and enjoy it.

Tonight? Another meeting. But maybe I’ll finish tracing and move on to the next step. And maybe I’ll find time to draw. Because I think that would be a plus over the next few days. I need some space for my head to get out on paper. As many of us do.

*Sarah McLachlan, Building a Mystery

It’s a Very, Very Mad World, Mad World*

Reeling. More worried about how to walk into my classroom today and let my almost 100% immigrant kids know that they are safe here in TrumpWorld.

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Because  I’m not sure they are.

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Reeling for women’s reproductive rights…hell, women’s rights in general. LGBTQ rights. Human rights. The Supreme Court. My taxes. My kids in college, paying college fees and loans. My health insurance. But mostly knowing that I am currently under a government that doesn’t care about those things. Or me. Or my students. And people around me voted for them…not just Trump, because he is just one man, but a conservative, racist, misogynist man who takes the slightest offense and turns it into a Tweet war, and a government that might be on his side.

I started having a panic attack around 7 or so, so I turned off the news and started tracing. I traced for over 3 hours. My kids were texting me all throughout. It’s possible the girlchild is rioting right now, while the anarchist boychild plots some sort of political overthrow. I’m OK with both of those right now. (And if they’re not, maybe they should be.)

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I guess that was my meditative solution to the stress levels.

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I’m about 540 pieces in. Another night like that and I’ll be done.

Simba tried to help. Petting animals is supposed to help.

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Yesterday’s new unit cover page.

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It’s pretty cool, but I’m more horrified by my country right now than pleased with my cover page.

Peace on people. Stand up. Get educated. Yell loud. Don’t stop yelling. Don’t give up.

*Gary Jules, Mad World

Everything’s in Order in a Black Hole*

I don’t talk about politics much on here. I mean, I talk about political things, but the election crap this year has been more than I wanted to handle. Too much crazy. I voted weeks ago, basically as soon as I got my ballot and found 3 hours to read everything (San Diego ballot this year was hefty hefty hefty). I suspect most of you might guess my politics just based on my regular rants, but just in case, I got this…

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which might be dangerous in my part of town. But whatever. I stand by it. And I raised my kids to stand by it. Luckily, I will be distracted by teaching all day, so I won’t have to hear about voter turnouts etc., and I can choose not to watch the chaos tonight. I’d really just rather wake up tomorrow to a new world. Except no matter what happens, tomorrow will be filled with chaos. Ah well. At least I now have the right to vote, despite my uterus and its apparently harmful effect on my brain.

Whatever your thing, go vote. Then hold them to their promises. Or fight their crazy. Whichever seems appropriate.

This text from the girlchild from yesterday morning is still cracking me up.

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(she was writing an essay.)

So yesterday, I finished grades. At least mostly. Which is good, because they’re due at 2 today. I dumped a couple of assignments. They just weren’t in the cards. That happens. And then I bid on a copyediting job. Which seems crazy, when I look at my deadlines, but it’s a pretty compact job, though not small, and would give me a good chunk of money towards paying the next college bill. I can’t ignore the multiple thousands I need to come up with in the next 6 months. I can’t just scrimp and save to get them. I need to do more work…work that’s paid. So if I get that job, the next few weeks will be a bit crazy. Oh well.

Then I finally made it to the artmaking space…both in my head and on the light table. There’s no motivation like the potential start of a new time-sucker to get you going…

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It’s not going particularly quickly, unfortunately. I didn’t start until after 10 PM and I’m only in the mid 200s…with 800 pieces total in the drawing. And the next big assignment to be graded gets turned in today. I’m not ready. I need a break from hours staring at a computer. That’s the thing…it’s never-ending.

So I trace for three more nights? Get done (might be wishful thinking…there’s meetings galore this week). I have Friday off. It all depends on whether I get this other job. If not, it’s a piece of cake. I start ironing over the weekend and cutting stuff out next week, ready to iron together over Thanksgiving, then quilt etc. (while finishing grading…and possibly copyediting for hours). Yeah. So I’m kind of in flux at the moment. But much much MUCH happier and more relaxed today after tracing last night. Interesting how that works. Make time for art. Shee-it. You’d think I would always be able to do that, but apparently not.

*Arctic Monkeys, Fluorescent Adolescent

She Isn’t Sure Where She’s Gone*

I would love to say I finished grading and got down to the nitty gritty of artmaking yesterday, but it was not the case. In fact, I’m still semi-buried. Remind me next time to close the gradebook a week early. That would have been smart. I still have kids sending me makeup work. I’ve just stopped looking at it. I’m just dealing with the last big project at this point, and it will get done today (even if it kills me).

My internet is still fucked. Gonna have to deal with that. But I can’t deal on a school day, so it’ll have to be Friday or Thanksgiving break. I think everything I need to do in the world is falling on Thanksgiving break. It’s a little scary.

I’m artistically frustrated right now. I feel off balance when I don’t make. I get cranky with no creation. Working on it, art brain. Trying to get there.

Some of yesterday’s delay was because I was trying to help the girlchild with an essay about political crap I barely remember…usually that involves her sending me an essay and FaceTiming me while I tell her what doesn’t make sense. At this point, I think she was reading to me out of her professor’s book.

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Before that, I was trying to grade projects with puppy asleep by me…

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Which is significantly easier than when he tries to play with me while I grade.

At some point, my input wasn’t enough…so we enlisted the boychild as well. We tried to get all of us on Google Hangouts…

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But we couldn’t hear the girlchild…hence her sad face. So she FaceTimed her brother in his dorm room in Ithaca while I was in Google Hangouts with him. Super complicated. And in the end, we all ditched her to her words…

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She finished this morning…or at least, she resolved all the comments we made.

I took a break and finished my library book because the loan was ending this morning and I only had 50 pages left of a 680-page book. And I didn’t want to wait until it was available again dammit. Puppy moved up to cat position…

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It was chilly last night…and then I went back to grading until I realized it was late and I was frustrated.

This was earlier, when I was grading on the computer with Kitten’s help…

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She’s very good at standing in front of the screen and knocking papers down.

So an entire weekend of grading stuff, a few breaks in there. And I’m not done. I feel like I’m doing it all wrong. That’s the problem with assigning these big engineering projects…at the end, you have to grade them.

And the part driving me nuts…four days with no artmaking. I wanted to be done with tracing by tonight. That’s so not happening. I wanted to be ironing by the weekend. I think that is also a no go. It’s going to make this one a really tight deadline. Deep breaths. Because when this one is done, the deadlines stretch out a bit and I have a little more freedom on what I do. Maybe. Hard to say. Certainly with school taking so much more time this year, it seems like I will never stop grinding my teeth. And someone called me about a side job…supposed to call them back today. Aargh. I need the money to pay for college, but I don’t have the time for this. I have to make time for it. Sleep. Whatever.

*Talking Heads, And She Was

Light Strikes a Deal with Each Coming Night*

Well I can’t say I made art yesterday, but I sold some. So I guess that counts. Certainly it’s good news, although amusing in some ways, since I really need the money right now to pay for college fees, and because the show is traveling, I won’t see the cash until both kids have graduated. Oh well. Life goes on. Plan a vacation for 2019? Maybe.

The Goddess of Never-Ending Chaos sold at IQF in Houston yesterday…it will still travel with the Tranquility/Turmoil exhibits, but at the end, it will go on to its new owner.

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So that’s nice. I’m happy. I wish I’d been able to be there for the opening and to meet the new owner, but such is life.

In other good art news, the exhibit I was in last May, Feminism Now, will be traveling to Stockholm, Sweden in May 2018. Yes. We plan that far out. So that is also cool.

My piece, And Then There Was One, will be part of that show.

Kathy Nida Quilt

Meanwhile, I really need to find time to make the next quilt. I’ve started thinking about the work for my show at Visions next July. I have one drawing sitting in my head, waiting for time to draw. Like. It’s fully drawn in there. Seriously. But the piece I’m tracing right now is due quickly too.

Meanwhile, grades are due for school, so that’s what I’m doing all weekend…basically until I’m done. We took 240 or so kids to the zoo yesterday…

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Which was exhausting…yes…but fun. I forgot the sunscreen…luckily, it’s November, so I am just a bit pinky red.

Let sleeping bears lie, I say.

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This guy. I threw the ball 40 times this morning before he gave up. I felt bad for him after two nights of my being gone at openings.

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And now I’m grading while he runs around outside, barking at anything that moves. Also lying in the sun.

OK. Back to work. Art is in my head, but unfortunately, not on the radar. Hopefully tomorrow night. Otherwise, I think every teacher I know is grading shit right now.

*Iron and Wine, Each Coming Night

You’re My Wonderwall*

Exhaustion hit yesterday. I went to bed early even. I have to listen to the body sometimes or face consequences. Part of the exhaustion was an opening after school of the new exhibit I’m in at the Women’s Museum of California. It’s called Night Stand: Bedside Imaginings by the Feminist Image Group…strangely, I have a nightstand (it’s one word, dammit) and a bed in the show, one of only two beds…and one of the things I’ve found about trying to take photos of 3D art, even a quilt lying on the bed, is that it’s hard to get a decent picture…gallery lighting doesn’t help.

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It’s an old army cot…one I actually slept on a couple weekends ago while camping. The quilt itself doesn’t come all the way down…it’s just the top part. Begging the question of…what the hell am I going to do with this after this show closes? Dunno.

Here’s a long view that includes pieces by Stephanie Bedwell and Jeanne Dunn, as well as my nightstand with Prudence Horne on the right…oh, and Irene Abraham’s nightstand in honor of Barbara McClintock.

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This show kind of morphed, I think, after the first discussion of trying to do something like Judy Chicago’s Dinner Party (copyright issues) and then somehow got to WomanHouse…although I think I missed that meeting.

Anyway, Prudence and I worked on a nightstand that started out about the fact that we read ourselves to sleep, so our nightstands always have books on them, and then the stories you’re reading about end up in your dreams, followed by hey, some women writers have to write under pseudonyms…having to hide who they are to do what they love. So we put names of women authors with their pseudonyms (which we crossed off…it’s not who they are)…

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It’s a weird little beast, but I like it.

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This group often challenges me to do things I don’t normally do.

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I sold a pile of coloring books at the show, and there are more at the museum. I’ve been paid back at this point, which is good, and now we can start saving for the next exhibit, which is coming up all too quickly, and which I am heavily involved with. You know, in my spare time.

So that was my excuse for exhaustion. Teaching all day, then going almost directly to an opening for three hours. I got home, ate dinner, and went to bed essentially. Sad but true. We did talk at the opening about that…if I went to all the openings I got invites for, or even just the ones I wanted to go to? I would never get any art made. So sometimes we have to just stay home and hunker down.

*Oasis, Wonderwall