Even If the Skies Get Rough*

Aargh. So I was not very efficient yesterday. I could blame missing the kids, I could blame post-school brain. I could just say…hey…sometimes I can’t do what I need to do. I did walk the dogs. That was good.

And I started one drawing…just in pencil, because it’s not very high on the list. It’s just in my head, so I needed to start something.

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I don’t usually start in pencil, but I needed to for this one.

Then I started one that’s been in and out of my head for about a month…maybe more.

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This will be part of my solo show at Visions next year. I’d like to get it to a point tonight where I can enlarge it to draw the rest…because no way is it going to fit on one piece of paper. I guess I could enlarge it now…maybe. I’ll think about it.

I was supposed to spend all day yesterday cutting out pieces and then starting the ironing process. That didn’t happen.

If you walk dogs, they sleep.

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I spent about an hour with Expedia and the kids trying to reroute the boychild to the girlchild. I couldn’t make it work last night, so he’s going today. Hopefully. If the universe doesn’t fuck with us again.

I did eventually start cutting stuff out…

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And honestly, I got a lot done. All that’s left are the flesh fabrics and the sun and clouds. That’s not much, but it was more than an hour’s worth, I think. So I didn’t finish it last night. Puts me behind. Sigh. Giant sigh, actually. I still need to actually grade things. So I’m going to try to double up my efficiency today to make up for yesterday’s brain.

I miss my kids. Did I say that already? Yeah. Well. Three weeks. They’ll be home then. I can do that. And hopefully sometime today I’ll start ironing this thing together. It’s easier to stay on task when I’m ironing than when I’m cutting stuff out. Cutting just feels like it takes forever. And it doesn’t.

*Jason Mraz, I Won’t Give Up

It’s a Very, Very Mad World, Mad World*

Reeling. More worried about how to walk into my classroom today and let my almost 100% immigrant kids know that they are safe here in TrumpWorld.

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Because I’m not sure they are.

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Reeling for women’s reproductive rights…hell, women’s rights in general. LGBTQ rights. Human rights. The Supreme Court. My taxes. My kids in college, paying college fees and loans. My health insurance. But mostly knowing that I am currently under a government that doesn’t care about those things. Or me. Or my students. And people around me voted for them…not just Trump, because he is just one man, but a conservative, racist, misogynist man who takes the slightest offense and turns it into a Tweet war, and a government that might be on his side.

I started having a panic attack around 7 or so, so I turned off the news and started tracing. I traced for over 3 hours. My kids were texting me all throughout. It’s possible the girlchild is rioting right now, while the anarchist boychild plots some sort of political overthrow. I’m OK with both of those right now. (And if they’re not, maybe they should be.)

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I guess that was my meditative solution to the stress levels.

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I’m about 540 pieces in. Another night like that and I’ll be done.

Simba tried to help. Petting animals is supposed to help.

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Yesterday’s new unit cover page.

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It’s pretty cool, but I’m more horrified by my country right now than pleased with my cover page.

Peace on people. Stand up. Get educated. Yell loud. Don’t stop yelling. Don’t give up.

*Gary Jules, Mad World

You’re My Wonderwall*

Exhaustion hit yesterday. I went to bed early even. I have to listen to the body sometimes or face consequences. Part of the exhaustion was an opening after school of the new exhibit I’m in at the Women’s Museum of California. It’s called Night Stand: Bedside Imaginings by the Feminist Image Group…strangely, I have a nightstand (it’s one word, dammit) and a bed in the show, one of only two beds…and one of the things I’ve found about trying to take photos of 3D art, even a quilt lying on the bed, is that it’s hard to get a decent picture…gallery lighting doesn’t help.

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It’s an old army cot…one I actually slept on a couple weekends ago while camping. The quilt itself doesn’t come all the way down…it’s just the top part. Begging the question of…what the hell am I going to do with this after this show closes? Dunno.

Here’s a long view that includes pieces by Stephanie Bedwell and Jeanne Dunn, as well as my nightstand with Prudence Horne on the right…oh, and Irene Abraham’s nightstand in honor of Barbara McClintock.

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This show kind of morphed, I think, after the first discussion of trying to do something like Judy Chicago’s Dinner Party (copyright issues) and then somehow got to WomanHouse…although I think I missed that meeting.

Anyway, Prudence and I worked on a nightstand that started out about the fact that we read ourselves to sleep, so our nightstands always have books on them, and then the stories you’re reading about end up in your dreams, followed by hey, some women writers have to write under pseudonyms…having to hide who they are to do what they love. So we put names of women authors with their pseudonyms (which we crossed off…it’s not who they are)…

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It’s a weird little beast, but I like it.

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This group often challenges me to do things I don’t normally do.

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I sold a pile of coloring books at the show, and there are more at the museum. I’ve been paid back at this point, which is good, and now we can start saving for the next exhibit, which is coming up all too quickly, and which I am heavily involved with. You know, in my spare time.

So that was my excuse for exhaustion. Teaching all day, then going almost directly to an opening for three hours. I got home, ate dinner, and went to bed essentially. Sad but true. We did talk at the opening about that…if I went to all the openings I got invites for, or even just the ones I wanted to go to? I would never get any art made. So sometimes we have to just stay home and hunker down.

*Oasis, Wonderwall

No Discrimination Here, Squirrel*

Huh. Yeah. OK. This week. I started a blog post. Internet (or lack thereof) just ate it.

Some weeks…some days…I get up and I eat my breakfast and take my meds and get showered and dressed and shuffle through. And it’s already a trial, so I do that thing in my head where I try to talk myself through it or persuade myself there’s some light at the end of some shortish tunnel. But some days. Weeks. Are just hard. October was a bitch. November can only be better.

It has to be. There’s no other way to go but up. Cooler weather (90 on Saturday. Shit.). Days off from school (piles to grade). Shut up brain. A chance to hike. Maybe go to the movies. Just be instead of having to be it all.

So eventually last night I got up off the couch (I was trying to grade…until I just plain gave up) and started tracing the new deadline. I’m really tired of deadlines. I need to stop thinking of them as a deadline and think of them as a way to make another quilt. But themes kick my ass at the moment. I’m tired of themes. I just wanna make stuff.

So maybe I will figure that shit out.

I didn’t get far, somewhere into the high 50s. But that’s OK.

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There’s only 800 pieces in this one…so about 8-9 hours of tracing. Probably not getting that done before the weekend, especially not with Trimester 1 ending and a field trip. Really I should just go back to bed and take a few days off. Ha!

Calli’s got it. She understands.

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Here’s the one I couldn’t post yesterday. I decided it was a laser for radiation therapy. They probably don’t really look like that at all, but tough shit. I’m OK if I’m the only one who understands my art. Today at least.

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Ugh. This mood. Sucks. Operation take care of Kathy. Going to the gym and reading my book tonight. That’s a start.

*Outkast, The Way You Move

Guess It Will Have to Wait

The tech issues continue to plague me. They’re sending a tech out Saturday. Now they think it’s the external lines. Woo hoo! “You just need to have someone home at a random time during the day.” “Do dogs count?” I guess everyone has someone waiting around to deal with the internet provider. Oh well. I’m struggling here, but surviving with waves of internet on and waves of internet off. But grades are due this weekend, and I don’t want to do that in a Starbucks.

Yesterday was mentally exhausting. I think I added up the field trip numbers 17 times and got a different answer each time. So it was an actual requirement to walk the dogs last night…especially since with the time change on Sunday, I’ll be lucky to do that after school for a good four months or so…

The sky rewarded me.

Kitten was chilly, so I didn’t get much attention from her…she wants me to iron things so she has a space heater.

It’s really not cold here compared to where the kids are.

I finished drawing. I told you it needed a dinosaur.

It’s the first time I’ve put a dinosaur in a quilt.

I tried to persuade the little dog that the big dog would let him curl up next to her. He didn’t believe me.

She’s warm, little boy.

I finished drawing an eyeball, like you do…

Gave her some weather…

And though ’twas late, in good Kathy fashion, I stayed up way too late numbering shit. Hey! Only 803 pieces.

Not bad.

I’m having to do this from my phone, as the computer is being an asshole. Which is too bad, because I have this edited photo on the computer that won’t freakin’ load of one of the things I drew originally on this drawing…and I’m not sure what it is.

Guess it will have to wait.

Don’t Matter What I Do*

Internet is sorta resolved. I spent hours on it this weekend, and I’ll need professional help at some point, but for now, I’m mostly up and running. Slowly. (“I’ll need professional help”… ha ha ha. Story of my life. Seriously though…it would be nice to be able to fix something without help.)

So it was an insanely busy weekend. But I managed some drawing time…like I wrote on Saturday, I’d decided one of the problems with this drawing was the existing head. It wasn’t quite right…her expression was off. At least for what I wanted.

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Then I filled in with white paper…this thing is like a Frankenstein drawing with all the things I keep cutting off.

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That’s as far as I got Saturday…and then last night, I started drawing in. No the old head isn’t staying. She’s just watching…

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I still don’t think this thing is done. For one reason…there’s no dinosaur yet. And there needs to be a dinosaur (can’t think if I’ve ever put a dino in a quilt? Don’t think so…it’s about time.).

I’m using this Google extension Momentum on my home and work computers. It makes you write a focus each day…Sunday was impressive. But the to-do list went from 16 or so things to just 5, so I did good.

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I made the semi-last-minute decision to add a cloud to this thing, but was trying to figure out how to attach it without the staple gun that I’m pretty sure is at my ex’s house. The animals were not helping.

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Yes. I made a cloud out of fabric and stuffed it. I might make more.

This came in the mail on Saturday.

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Obviously I’m on the Turmoil side of that with my Goddess of Never-Ending Chaos…

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It’s hard not going to the opening, but oh well. People are there seeing her, vulva and boobs and all. No there’s no penis. Why? Because she’s a goddess and the only appropriate place for a penis in that scenario is perhaps in her hand. Of which she has 10.

So she’s premiering in Houston, Texas, right now at IQF, which I think officially starts Wednesday or Thursday.

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That quilt has a lot going on in it.

Then over the weekend, Quilts=Art=Quilts opened with two of my quilts…although I haven’t seen pictures of them yet at the show…

Here’s Finding Peace (Bathtub 5)…

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And the ever cheery You Make Me Wanna Die…

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Yeah. That one. Crazy painful. Or painful crazy. However you wanna look at it.

So hopefully people saw those too. No penises in any of them…although technically there’s a male in that one. Maybe 2.

OK. Well it’s Monday. I have an early parent meeting. It’s Halloween, so everyone will be dressed up. The teachers have this thing for themes. They annoy me, the themes (well, sometimes the teachers too). This year is Heroes and Villains. I debated Trump. But I decided to make a different statement…I’m going as Ms. Marvel, the Muslim female Captain Marvel. Easy costume from one of the covers. Way easier than last year’s cow costume, which was hot as hell…but kinda like wearing pajamas.

I’m hoping to come home, walk dogs, and then finish this drawing, maybe even number it…OR make more clouds. Whichever makes more sense to me at the time. I am so not ready for it to be November. Sheesh. Not sure where the month went, but it went. My deadlines. Yikes. And I think I’m supposed to hear about 3 entries in the next two days. Knock on wood. I don’t need to get into all of them, but one would be nice.

*The Style Council, Don’t Matter What I Do

In This Time, Give It To Me Easy*

Technology is frustrating me. My pool is frustrating me. The neighbor who is blasting PBS radio to the whole neighborhood is frustrating me. ICloud is frustrating me. My internet is frustrating me. Or maybe that’s the wifi or the router or the repeater or the modem. Fuck if I know. My schedule is frustrating me. My to-do list is frustrating me (notice a theme yet?). Shit. Seriously.

The only plus is that Sears finally sent me a check for the service they never did (probably my swearing at the 9th person I talked to when she told me that they installed on the 25th of August and my husband let them in might have been the impetus for them to finally write a check. Don’t make shit up, Sears. I fucking hate that.).

Last night, I fought tech and then graded stuff for a while and played with puppy, and finally had to leave the house. Just to find a brain. I went and watched music for a while and then came back and couldn’t function at all. I varnished the nightstand again. It’s got three coats and that might be enough.

I stared at the drawing…

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And couldn’t decide what to draw. There’s no point in fighting it. I can’t MAKE stuff come out on paper. It has to go with the idea I’m working with on this one. I wish it didn’t. Part of the problem is that this original drawing is months old, so I have to reacquaint myself both with the drawing and the ideas behind it. Apparently that worked down in the leg area, but up here around the head? And the head is part of the problem. I already cut off the bird that I originally drew because it was god-awful, but I’m not real happy with the face either. I’m seriously debating cutting her head off.

Seems appropriate for Halloween weekend. In fact, yes. I’m going to cut her head off.

So there we are.

I still need to trim this up a little for the opening next week. Not a big time consumer there, but I had this pair of pajama pants lying on it that needs fixing, and then I was thinking they needed to be part of the show too. Not sure.

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I guess this brings up a whole bunch of ideas about who sleeps naked (um. It’s hot here. I have hot flashes. Did I mention hot?). I don’t ever actually sleep in pajamas. I live in them in the mornings on weekends and after school if I know I’m not going anywhere, but I take them off to go to bed. Too hot (see hot above). So I don’t know. I’ll think about it.

This was last night, after music, when I was feeling spectacularly unmotivated to do shit.

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Apparently I am an animal magnet. Hi guys. You’re not helping.

OK. Cut off her head. Draw a new one. Draw a bunch of other related shit. Number it and start tracing it because Deadlines Abound! My SIL offered to fly me up to Seattle for Thanksgiving, but I really need to stay here and make art for 9 days straight. Tempting. But no. Work. Also. Grade a bunch of shit. Input it into the grade program. Try to make kids get a clue about how grades work (I can’t grade invisible things. I am not that special.).

Tonight? Apparently crash some Halloween party to support the band (that’s what I did last night, but it was probate lawyers. Yeah. I know.). Also go to one art show and drop some coloring books at a local gallery. I gots a plan.

*The Zombies, Time of the Season

Wrong Way on a One-Way Track*

Well the wifi is strangely working again today. It was only one side of the house, you see. I actually powered up the ancient Mac Mini and did grades last night in the kids’ sanctuary. Pain in the ass. I figured it was the repeater dying or something, but today it’s fine…which means either it’s still dying, but this is a gasp of renewed life, or it’s the damn cable company screwing stuff up somehow. I don’t have time (or patience) for that. Too much to do.

The Feminist Artists Coloring Books are going to be in two galleries after this weekend, plus the Women’s Museum. Plus it’s on Amazon. Plus there’s me…trying to make back my investment and earn some money for the group’s next big show. Plus maybe even pay me for some of my time. What a concept in the art world, eh? Paid for your time.

Anyway, the nightstand has another coat of varnish on it…it’s making it look deeper somehow…although not in a philosophical sense. I think at least one or two more coats.

But I was frustrated this week, trying to get done with the nightstand, AND all the grading I have weighing me down. And realizing I have another deadline in December (wow, I actually get a whole MONTH or more)…plus deadlines piling up in the spring. I had pulled the beginnings of the drawing for the one in December…and I just couldn’t do much more than tape more paper to it. Very creative process that.

Until I finally just penciled some stuff in. Ironic after drawing a ton of stuff on the nightstand without penciling anything in (didn’t think the paper would hold up to lots of erasing), last night, I needed graphite support. But once I started, it got easier…

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I was missing the normal quiltmaking process. Drawing on the nightstand was artmaking, but it wasn’t the same. I’m still not even sure about the product. The quilts though…they have a satisfying finish to them.

I’m still fascinated with layers below the ground, with digging around down under there, or what’s hiding under there. So I put her in a hole in the ground. I’m still debating a dinosaur somewhere in the distance.

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Anyway. So this is the next one in process. I’m trying not to add a ton of tiny pieces (don’t look at the snake’s face and you might just believe me). This school year is stressing me out and I need a break from it. I think art is going to be the only place I get that, honestly. Although I’ll be glad to have the deadlines behind me.

I’m just really glad to be starting a new quilt. Really. And yes, I need to grade like crazy over the next week, but hopefully I’ll get a good start on this quilt too. And start drawing for the next two major deadlines. Which I think are right on top of each other. Yikes. No stress. Grinding my teeth dammit. It’s only October. And the next unit in science? I don’t fully understand it. Minor issue. It’ll be a relief when we get to photosynthesis and cell respiration. I know that shit. And I know a shitload more about elements and the periodic table and atoms now than I did two months ago. So there we are. I’ll be fine. It just feels really stressful in the moment to realize you either don’t remember anything, or that they’ve discovered new shit that you didn’t even know about because you were focusing on a different portion of the science world. Yeah. I’m not feeling stupid or anything. Sigh.

*Soul Asylum, Runaway Train

Keep Coming up with Love but It’s So Slashed and Torn*

I love mornings when technology has it out for you. The printer refusing to print, for instance. It’s on. The computer sees it. The computer maybe is the issue, because it tells me the printer is not installed. Except it is. Yup. There’s something confuzzled in its tiny brain. I understand how it feels. Except it’s kinda being confrontational. Attitudinal. Dude. I’m just gonna pull your plug. It won’t end well for you.

I’m reaching the end of this project and I’m in this weird place where I’m not sure if it’s done or if I should just keep going. I think it’s done, but then I wake up and my brain tells me I’m not, that it needs more here or there or everywhere. I even photographed all the bits last night and THEN…I fucking added more. So whatever. I’m going to come home tonight and go to the gym and then stare at it and decide its fate.

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Yeah. I added more to the top after this photo…

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Still debating this whole side, but honestly, I think that’s where the books are going. And it’s inside. Who’s going to be looking in there?

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I added one thing to the bottom part. I guess I drew more on the legs too.

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I’m not sure I added anything but legs here…

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Or maybe they were already done. At least these sides were.

The inside again, from the back.

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Maybe the bottom needs more. Or does it?

There’s more on this side now too. Seriously. I photographed. I sat down. I picked up the pen. And I kept going.

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Yeah. My breakfast is at the end of a rainbow. Isn’t yours?

And then I colored.

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It’s OK. There’s no way in hell I’m coloring more than the few things I colored. I don’t really want a lot of color.

I have to keep reminding myself of the point of the piece. I don’t know. I do get these pieces, usually the non-fabric ones, where I’m not sure where the end is. Maybe the end is just when I say it is.

*Queen, Under Pressure

Daylight Licked Me into Shape*

I think that’s the longest blog break I’ve taken in a while. No real good reason except out of cell area one morning, out of time the other two days. The weekend was busy and it fell over into Monday as well. Sometimes that happens. I’m so used to writing daily, though, that it felt weird.

I think these are from Friday morning…I’m not sure…I know I found these glasses in my classroom a couple of years ago and no kid would ever claim them. Weird, right? But I think they go with the nightstand.

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I had started drawing down below…all the down below stuff, ironically.

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Then Friday after school, I drove in the dark to Agua Caliente to a friend’s bachelorette weekend. This was my home for 24 hours…

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Cute little thing. Actually not so little. We hung out in the pool, tie-dyed, didn’t hike (WAY too hot, even in October), and napped. OK. I read. I didn’t nap. Here was my before shirt picture.

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Interesting what plants are out there…

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I had to drive 2 miles out of camp to get cell service to tell people I was alive and well. These guys were everywhere.

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I never got a picture of the ocotillos…

We played Cards Against Humanity…always fun…although I had to wait until I got home to Google “YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.” Because it’s from some military sci fi game I’ve never heard of…and I’m OK with that.

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So then I drove back in the dark on Saturday night, worked most of Sunday on school and art stuff, and then went to see the Proclaimers. Last time I saw them was in the late 80s and I remembered their show as really good and raucous. They did not disappoint. They were still awesome, even though I realized how many albums they’d released that I’d never heard of. It was a good show.

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But then I took Monday off work because. Well. Yeah. Because. Because I never take personal days and I needed one. I slept in and picked up the dogs and got stamps and voted while researching and texting back and forth with the girlchild about the 223-page booklet of propositions we have in California at the moment.

And then I graded. For hours. While texting my co-teacher, who was back at school and stuck in a staff meeting where she was supposed to be planning with me. Oh well.

I walked both dogs (the parentals are home and their dog is back with them…the cats are pleased), fully expecting to be rained on at some point, but it wasn’t until we got back that we got thunder and lightning and pouring rain. Calli hates thunder. REALLY hates it. This was an hour later, when she was either hugging my leg or the cabinets or both. Poor baby.

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After dinner, I gave up on grading, plus the girlchild called.

And then I drew. This had been in my head since Friday.

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I did most of the other side last night in a couple of hours…

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I think it’s done. Maybe.

And then I started on the top.

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It’s not done. But it’s more done than it was. So far, I have about 4 hours of drawing on this. I still need to varnish it, so I have to be sure it will be dry by Tuesday. I’m hoping to do it Friday or Saturday at the latest. It would be nice to have more than one coat on.

And then I can move on to the next set of deadlines, which are admittedly less crazy, but only slightly so. I know what I’m doing over Thanksgiving Break…let’s just say that.

*The Cure, Just Like Heaven