Portland in Review

We’re back from Portland. I haven’t slept much. I’ve been awake since 4:42 AM. I did go to bed early, so I think it was about the same amount of sleep. It was a fun trip, too short of course, but I think I might be able to handle the rest of this week. We’ll see. Perhaps the sub notes will send me over the edge. Certainly some of the student emails I got over the weekend might. I’m getting a shirt that says “It’s not fair…” and then something pithy. That my students won’t understand. Like most of my shirts.

Anyway, we picked Portland just because. We had to use a flight before the end of the year and we didn’t have much time, so we didn’t want to spend it all flying. Portland was a good distance, had some entertainment stuff we liked, had some friends we liked, and the man had never been there. Plus we might do a camping trip up there sometime. A ways out. So this was just kind of checking it out.

My ex-San Diego friend Susan (she’s not my ex-friend…she moved to Portland recently) picked us up and pretended to be our Lyft driver. We fed her lunch, which we don’t do with our Lyft drivers…

She then dropped us off at our Airbnb…with a stop at a grocery store for some supplies. We did talk about the street art and the homeless population…comparing Portland’s treatment to San Diego’s…

No spiky rocks planted there to keep them from camping out…

It was a longish day of travel…we were up early…so the man crashed out for a couple of hours. He needed it.

I graded stuff and drew and read my book. I’m good at entertaining myself.

Our Airbnb was up a huge hill, right next to Forest Park. Pros: right next to Forest Park and great views. Cons: huge hill.

We did walk down for dinner. The cold is not something we’re really used to, but we layered up. Ate dinner. Decided not to walk back. I would have. The man called a Lyft.

We got up at a reasonable hour the next morning, ate breakfast, and walked the half block to the first trail…

This was cool.

It’s been a while since we’ve hiked together…and it was good. Lots of dogs and misty rain and runners and green, so much green.

We went out Wildwood Trail for a good 4 miles or so, and then hiked down to the road coming back. It was shorter on the way back, but a healthy start to the day. Then we did a bunch of stuff that involved two Lyft drivers, wandering through Powell’s Books mindlessly, some chicken wings and cider or beer, plus seeing an old high-school friend, his wife, and their dog (dog is sweet), plus more walking, some more cider or beer and some food, plus this…

That’s from a dollhouse in the Freakybuttrue Peculiarium…

Which reminded me a lot of an alien museum in Roswell, NM, that we enjoyed…although I wanted to file a complaint about this…because that’s not needlepoint.

So there.

Drawing in bars…my specialty…although this was a bottle shop…

This was a painting outside a food co-op…

And this was the drawing I finished on Friday…

Sort of out of order. Here’s Saturday’s drawing…

finished in the bottle shop. I persuaded the man to walk back to the house! I know. He probably had a bit too much beer in him, but we made it! I think that was 7 miles total.

Sunday, we got up, ate, packed, and our lovely not-Lyft driver took us to the airport…on the plane, we saw the first sun we’d seen since we left San Diego, plus one of the volcanic majesties around Portland. We saw two, so this might be Mt. Hood…it might not.

Someone knowledgeable will tell me. Drawing 3 happened in the Las Vegas airport, surrounded by people with hangovers…

And then we were home…the man left to go get the babies, who got spayed last week…and are quite recovered. They look sleepy there, but that was after 3 hours of rampaging around the house…

They are officially ours now…paid for and our problem.

I consoled the old lady, who missed us. Maybe.

She helped me grade more stuff. It’s always good to go on a trip right before grades are due. I really only graded in airports, except for the 2-hour nap thing. No, I’m not done. I’m close though.

This morning, babies are up and crazy again…

Stitches my ass. They are not feeling it now.

OK. Gotta go to work. Teach kids. Ignore the whiny It’s Not Fair crew. Grade some shit. Give a test! Whatever. Hopefully art this week, beyond just drawing…not that I don’t like to draw. I truly enjoyed giving myself that time this weekend. Keeping that in mind for the future. Oh yeah, Portland…we’ll be back…maybe with a tent and more hiking time to spare…

We Survived…

Today we take a bunch of kids to the zoo. Hopefully we don’t lose or damage any of them and they all come back with us. Well, you know, our classes are big this year…we wouldn’t miss a few of them. No really. It’s usually a good field trip, one I enjoy, even though I currently feel like I’ve been hit by a Mack truck. My team rocks, though…they’ve handled a good chunk of what’s going on today, which I appreciate. I, however, will be carrying about 17 epipens and inhalers in a backpack, along with 149 permission slips, just in case we have to call a parent or guardian about a kid. I feel like that could be automated, but what do I know. Nothing, by the way…I know nothing.

I stayed late last night for an hour-long parent meeting, plus the last bits of field trip stuff. Came home way too exhausted to deal with going to the gym (too bad…I really wanted to this week). Plus I was supposed to make dinner, so timing was an issue.

I started grading the horrible assignment last night…made it through about three of them before my brain shut down. One of those three was actually pretty awesome. One could have been awesome. The third one was the ouch. I’ll keep working on them. I need to get through them before next week. I don’t want to take my computer with me at all. And grades are due about 36 hours after I get back.

This weekend is busy. Not horribly so, but enough. I’m tired. I’m always tired though. The holidays are demanding. I’m looking forward to the girlchild coming home and having a lot of time for art. I will have grading to do, of course, but hopefully it won’t be too bad.

After dinner, after talking to the girlchild on the actual phone, after doing some work, I sorted the quilt pieces…only 8 boxes because there are only 800 or so pieces in this one…

This part doesn’t take long usually. I had some assistance? Not really. Luna is incredibly curious about Kitten.

Kitten is less interested…

Although she didn’t do as much hissing as before, and I played with both of them at the end of a long ribbon. So there was some staring at the little one, who played like a kitten. And they’re all fascinated with the Christmas tree. So I think there’s hope. We’ll see.

It took about 48 minutes (which included cat interactions) to sort all these…

Then I came into the office and cleaned up a bit so I could iron. I made it through part of the first torso and all the stuff behind.

That’s about an hour’s worth. More tonight, hopefully, after the artist talk I have to go to. It’s going to be a long day.

Here’s some of the drawing stuff I’ve been doing for school…I did a worksheet for a video and website we wanted the kids to go through…

I don’t know if doing this is ever worth the amount of time it took.

This is an assignment we have them do with lyrics of a song about the layers of the Earth…

And I finally got the cover page colored…

Space cat! Yes, I needed a lot of coloring time this week. It’s good. Next week is a lab and then more coloring, and then I’m ditching school for a day. Hopefully I will be well for that, because I’m surrounded by sick people at the moment. I can’t afford to get sick. I don’t have time. Nobody ever has time…that’s when it’s mostly likely to happen.

Wish us luck. This could be newsworthy. Hopefully not. Last year? Oh, last year, when our bus driver took the wrong turn (she was a newbie) and couldn’t figure out how to get us on the freeway without getting hit…oh shit, it was scary. We survived.

I Like to Color…

Another early morning. The parent didn’t show yesterday. I got an angry parent email this morning. Yesterday I called a parent and now I will be meeting with them after school with their kid so I can explain all the stuff that’s in the email we send out and that she gets, but she needs to see it (I’m actually totally OK with that one…it’s just the timing that’s rough). The meeting today is with the principal, so as long as he shows up mostly on time (he’s got littles), I’m good. At some point, we need to finalize the field trip stuff today…yesterday at 9:00 PM or so the texts started, trying to get groups fixed and wondering how we aren’t gonna end up burning the whole zoo down and letting all the animals go. I think I know which chaperoned group will do that too. They’ll have my phone number. Minor issue. I can almost guarantee one of the teachers will be making their group race across the zoo to grab that one kid who can’t deal. It’s possible all of us will.

But it’s the zoo! And outside. And not in school. So tomorrow should be cool. Once the buses leave school, a sense of relief hits and you know you can get through the rest.

Until then, things are tense. I have a good team. They help. I need another brain, but that’s not a team thing.

Here’s the current unit cover page in process…

I need to color it today. Plus the other thing we did yesterday. Lots of coloring at the moment. I like to color.

Yesterday after school, I went to a neighborhood gathering…the house above me finally sold (again). They’re retiring to Mexico and a young family with a baby is moving in. So we’re surrounded by screaming. The boychild and I will respond with music and whatever else keeps us sane. We’ve said all along that house is not kid friendly…and I wonder how a young family affords it, but I guess I was a young family here 21 years ago when we moved in. That makes three families with kids…as they get older, maybe they’ll be able to dog-sit. You never know. My neighbors call me an enigma because they never see me. I imagine they are all talking amongst themselves at tea parties and cocktail parties while I work into the late hours. Plus I don’t garden much.

Anyway, it’s change. No more cigars! I hope. That smell. Ugh.

OK, so after all that, I graded the rest of an assignment (grades are due again in less than two weeks) and then cut out the last of this…

FINALLY. I’m so frustrated with the lack of progress on this. But it’s OK. It’ll be fine. It probably won’t be done until Christmas. It’s not the end of the world. It took almost 12 hours to cut out all the pieces. I started on November 26 and finished last night. I really wanted to be done the week of Thanksgiving, plus have the whole thing ironed together that week. HA! Oh so funny. I will sort pieces tonight and hopefully start ironing it together. Friday night is questionable for that…got an artist talk plus it’s our anniversary of meeting each other, me and the man, so we’re going to celebrate that. Then his holiday work party is Saturday. I’m hoping to get some ironing in on Saturday anyway, but there is still a major assignment looming over me. Sunday has us moving a tree (don’t ask). Next weekend, we’re in Portland. Strange timing…but it’ll be fine.

There was lots of kitten activity last night…Nova is totally about to attack Luna’s tail…

They play really well together…

And then we had Luna sleeping on Simba…lots of belly rubs for Simba so he didn’t freak out.

We had a cat, Midnight, who he just loved, so we’re hoping he can love these cats too.

Calli is bigger and clumsier…but she also sleeps a lot, so she’s been walked on a bit…and sniffed.

She’s still pretty scary though…which is funny, because she doesn’t really care about cats. She is a little bit frightened of their sharp bits, I think.

You have to watch where you sit, walk, stand, step, and lie down right now. There are kittens everywhere.

Anyway. They’re nice. Although we all have stab wounds at the moment, mostly from Luna. Kitten still hasn’t really warmed up to them…although they mostly stay in one half of the house and she mostly stays in the other half.

OK. Meeting. Need to make lunch. Need to figure out all the pieces for tomorrow. I know I’ve forgotten something. Need to take deep breaths. Need to make art at the end of it.

Move On and Make Something…

Reflection is both the savior and bane of being a teacher. Constantly reviewing what we taught, how they learned, how it went. Oh god, that was horrible. Hey, they really got it! And all the places in between. We don’t always know the WHY of the good or bad…sometimes it seems like our success is dependent on the moon phases (seriously, every teacher knows when it’s a full moon), but it means we reflect on ourselves often too much and too harshly as well. The days after a weeklong break are semi-doomed. We’re tired, they’re tired, they think it’s already Winter Break, we wish it was already Winter Break. There’s a definite feeling that I need to Gird My Loins and hoist my scabbard skyward to survive the next three weeks. The plus is that it is only three weeks. I feel like I can grab onto those 15 days physically and just hold them…unlike the vast expanse of time that is March or May…where days drag on for…well…days. Longer days? I just don’t know how to explain it. They’re longer. They are!

So reflecting on my week off. Well. Yeah. The pros: I played a lot with kittens, I exercised mostly well, and I finished grading the large assignment from hell. The cons: I did nothing else. Really. So little art created. I’m frustrated by that, but that means I’m frustrated by myself, because it really was about mindset more than anything else. I didn’t make time for it. I was a lot of braindead. I suspect I needed to be a lot of braindead, but I also know I needed to make the art, because I can feel it today. It’s an ache of not doing. I should have tried harder.

Ah, those should haves. All I can do is try harder now. When I have so much on my plate. It’ll be fine. It always is somehow.

We walked the dogs on Saturday. You can’t really see it, but there’s snow out there, way out in the distance.

And brand new green stuff on the ground. Saturday was a lot of grading…

Sunday was chaotic. It always is. Started with pilates. Then groceries and schoolwork to prep for today and prepping breakfasts for the next three weeks and organizing my brain for the same three weeks. I think most people have no idea how much prep teaching takes…especially on Sundays. I send the parent email from my whole team, I try to prep warmups for the week (I made it through Tuesday…whoops), set up any online posts that aren’t set up already, answer emails etc. I did do art stuff though. I entered a show yesterday. I was hoping I would hear from another entry before I entered this one (rejected pieces are good for new shows, right?), but ironically, I had just hit SUBMIT and then the other show results came in. Oh well. Frustrating. But I did get in to the first show with one piece, so I can’t really complain.

It was busy. But I did get the last bit of the grading done on that project, so that was good. Oh yeah, I drew Saturday night. I made myself. I was exhausted. But there’s a piece in my head that happens to be next on the list. This is a very rough start to it…

But it is a start. More hopefully later this week.

The kittens are getting more comfortable with hanging out on the couch with us.

Of course, this was after an hour or so of tearing around like maniacs.

Last night during dinner…the blue-eyed beast kept trying to sample off my dinner plate. Her sister was more interested in a nap.

About 10 minutes later, they were racing all over the room again.

This guy wanted to play too…

He’s a little nervous about the kittens still, but he’s a good boy.

OK, so it’s school. Followed by two meetings. Ugh. Then get my hair cut before the holidays start for reals. Honestly this was when she was available. I don’t really care what my hair looks like. I care that I can get a brush through it. Then come home and do some artmaking. Maybe I just make more when I’m too busy not to. Or something. Down time is not my friend? Who knows. I can reflect on it or I can just move on and make something. Going for that.

A Better Person…

I want to be done. With schoolwork. With grading. With worrying about Christmas presents. With worrying about school. I want to take a year off work (ha! So funny. So financially not happening) and make art for a year. Every day for a year. Doesn’t that sound lovely? It does. OK, I wouldn’t talk to anyone probably for that year, but hey…that might also be a good thing.

This attitude will not help me get through the next three weeks of school. I need a better one. I need a long walk today. Outside. I need to finish the grading today…well, the major assignment anyway. I need some artmaking today. Those are all good goals.

I wrote a public post on Patreon today…mostly because I thought I owed my patrons a post and then I realized I didn’t. So I made it public…I keep trying to encourage people to support my Patreon. Because otherwise I’m copyediting during my breaks to try to make up the extra cash I need. Or worrying about how I have nothing really on my Etsy and I could finish some things and get them on there, why am I not doing a Shop Small Saturday thing? I’m small. Sigh. Because it takes too much time and energy for where I’m at right now. I had this great idea last week about what to do with some of the smaller unfinished stuff I had, but it requires time and energy I don’t have right now to do. Yes, they might sell. Yes, they might clear out some of the little pieces I have lying around. But is it worth it right now? Or should I spend more time drawing and working on the current quilt? Those are probably a better use of my time.

I’m constantly second-guessing what I’m doing. Maybe less of that.

So Thanksgiving…I did go to pilates, which was good. I’m appreciating the slow exercise and meditative aspect of it, but focus on the core. At some point, I’ll have to find a better balance with the gym, hiking, and pilates, but I committed to three months of twice a week, so that’s through January…which is easier, because there are a lot of holiday days in there, so it’s easier for me to fit in exercise. We had dinner with the man’s family, short and early…I forgot to take the annual photo of food, but this was pretty…

We came back, did some more family stuff, ate leftover homemade pizza for dinner, felt sleepy, all those things.

Awww. So that’s Luna…used to be Sue-Bob. She’s the bigger kitten.

I also took apart that turkey I cooked, bagged it up for turkey sandwiches in December. Then I finished grading all the kid videos for the project I’m grading. It’s boring, so I have to do something else while I’m doing it…so I drew my November Patreon drawing…

Lots of holiday stuff in that…kittens and holly and snow.

Friday was all about grading. And kittens.

I can’t say I was efficient. I wasn’t. I’m on the last phase of grading this project though so I’m motivated to get it done.

It’s such a pain in the ass. I don’t know how to make it better though.

Oh look! It’s a puppy!

He’s been my companion as well.

Somewhere in the middle of this, I got sick. It wasn’t too bad. Everything came up. I felt off for a few hours. I seem to be OK today. OK then. Food rejection.

This is Nova. She’s the smaller kitten. In this photo, she’s staring at MY Kitten, who is so NOT a kitten, just named that.

It’s a little tense. We’re hoping it gets better. If not, Kitten has me and the kittens have each other.

So no progress on the quilt in two days, which sucks. But it happens. Today will be better. But first, my electricity is going off so they can install the thing that makes the solar panels work with my electrical company. I didn’t know this was happening, so I guess it’s a good thing that I’m home to turn all the electrical things off first. Woo hoo! Art today. Later. I swear. It makes me a better person.

Trust Yourself…

So this is my day off. I did sleep in. With a pillow over my head. Because some people not getting the day off, plus dogs and cat and trash trucks. Not really sleeping, but trying to make up for two relatively early mornings. When you wake up early and your brain goes into overdrive, panicking about all the shit you gotta get done. Yeah. That.

The crockpot is going in 7 minutes. I prepped it already. I showered. I need to…hang on…do laundry. OK. That was 4 minutes. I got the laundry, started it in the washer, filled the dog water bowl, and started the crockpot 3 minutes early. Because it’s stupid to get up again. I’m watching the leaves fall outside. Because it’s Fall. Except it’s supposed to be like 85 degrees tomorrow, so Fall. Yeah. In Southern California.

I’m waiting for my hair to dry, and then I need to go to the grocery store and the pet store, and I really really really need to finish grading. I graded yesterday for a few hours and finished a bunch of stuff, but there’s one really heinous thing I have to do today. And another one I might just toss. Hmm. Don’t tell. It’s just a homework assignment. Nobody’s grade will change because of it. Not just one assignment.

Anyway. Those things are all going through my head, plus the fact that no one in the house wants to deal with Friday’s dinner, least of all me, so I guess we just won’t eat. That’s what I did last night. Long story.

OK, the weekend. I taught a fiber class for the Mingei Museum. Not a lot of people, but it went well…here was the original setup with some background fabrics and some samples I had done already.

I had instructions, just in case. The plus with not many people is being able to work a little bit with everyone. This girl did an awesome solar system.

This guy was amazing.

He did that guy and then built him a mountain.

There were adults in the class (and honestly, I wasn’t expecting kids…)

But everyone brought some creativity.

I gave her a link to a stitch website…I hope she adds some.

I love that someone took this background fabric and ran with it.

Good eye for color.

Here was Julie’s…

It was nice of her to show up…she knows what she’s doing and has a stash, so she took it home and finished it…

Awesome!

I spent the rest of Saturday mostly braindead. I graded a little. We went out to dinner. And I traced until I was done.

Gradebooks. So red.

Oh yeah, I did some embroidery on this one at the class…

And I made this one as a sample…

It needs more stitching.

I love that I used all that Wonder Under for just one long skinny piece.

It took 10 hours to trace everything…

Here’s all 4 full yards and about another 1/3 of a yard…not huge.

Now I need to cut all those apart.

This week is probably a good one for that. I’ll be tired. I’m already tired.

There’s the pile. Kitten was very high energy in between naps.

I’m listening to a podcast about differentiation for students, but it’s super vague. Science is always hard for this. I can’t really differentiate labs easily, not and have them get the same learning.

Yeah. Sleeping hard. I’m jealous.

So Sunday, we had signed up for a food tour of North Park, one of my Christmas presents from last year to the man. It started in a beer and cheese shop…this beer name amused me.

Not enough to drink it. We had great cheese…

and then pretzels and cheese (with kombucha for me…)

Off to an Italian pizza place and a burger place…apparently I stopped taking photographs in between…oh wait, here’s the pizza place…

Good stuff.

There was a little talk of history.

We’ve been on a couple of these. They’re fun. Interesting.

It was just a coincidence that I had been to more than half of the places we went to (it wasn’t my Christmas gift…). There’s so many things wrong with this…

We came back and I didn’t eat dinner, because the timing of the 3 hours of eating constantly didn’t work with my body. Oh well. I think I ate cereal at midnight because my blood sugar was having issues…and it was low this morning. I suck at weekends and managing food.

OK, so I graded a lot last night and then cut one yard out, plus those other two small pieces.

I stayed up too late. All weekend. It’s quiet late at night.

I’m tired today. Really tired. I’ve been really tired for a couple of weeks. Maybe decades. Hmm. I’m looking forward to a week off from school. Ironically, I’ll have a major project to grade over that week, so I’ll be working. Oh well.

Today, I need to finish grading and run all those errands. I need to prep for the week, mentally at least. Too many meetings. I’m trying to fit in exercise regularly. I’d like to spend some time drawing and reading and maybe even sleeping. Not sure those are options. This is the rundown teacher going into the holidays. The podcast is ending well…”you are one teacher…trust yourself to know when enough is enough.”

Let’s Go Be NOT Irritated

Ten days of school until break. Less than ten until I NEED a break. I get Monday off, but I already know it will be full of grading. I’m so far behind. I did manage a few reassessments last night. I finally could get my head around them. My co-teacher showed me how to see the old comments. That was a revelation. I’m not sure why it wasn’t a revelation before, but hey…I don’t always click on all the little icons at the top to see what they do. I probably should do more of that. In my spare time. CLICK ON MORE THINGS. I’ll get there. I swear I will.

Yesterday was good (but short) on the planning side. The in-class with the counselor side? Oh fuck me. Serious chaos. Not a level of chaos I’ll do with 36 kids in the room. Not this crew. Anyway. It’s done (you have to do it again, two more times. Don’t think about that.). Today will be painful…for the kids and for me. Because they have to turn stuff in and that is like tearing off toenails for them. The kids with a pile of crap in their backpack that is all disorganized and crumpled…do I help them? Do I toss them into the fire? I did record a video with all the pages in order. You’d think they’d use that. I already know where my frustration levels will be by the end of the day. I’m putting my chill hop YouTube station on and maybe grading some stuff. I’m going to keep a big, slightly scary smile on my face all day. I’m going to nod knowingly and shake my head at appropriate times. I’m going to take deep breaths. I might wave at kids. I might grab the rolling chair and just hang out. I’m not going to take their crazy on myself.

Oh yeah. OK. I can do this. It’s a nice thought anyway. A goal. Something to aim for.

After school yesterday, I kamikazed across town to the Rose Gallery, on the campus of Francis Parker School, which is chi chi and bougie and oh-so-not like my school. Three friends of mine had art in this cool show, Words Imagined, where they picked words and then made art to go with it. I love these…

The artists are Peggy Wiedemann, Don Weeke, Polly Jacobs Giacchina, and Johanna Hansen.

Their work is all different and fascinating.

So many weird little things to see. It’s cool that it’s at a school and the kids will be interacting with the work.

Then I kamikazed (much slower due to rush-hour traffic) back home, ate some food, wrote some instructions for tomorrow’s class I’m guiding (not really teaching am I?), and went to my first ever full-length Pilates class. The pro is that I’m stronger than I think I am. The con is the core is not. It’s all good. I will get there.

Back home, dinner after 9 PM. Hmmm. Planning sucked there. Oh well. I did eat. And then I graded, and then I traced.

Kitten watches me with one partial eye…

Oh wait, somewhere in all that, in between the bits and pieces, I cleared a space for them to check my attic…

Here’s the resultant mess that I will have to deal with…

Sigh. Whatever.

Finally tracing. Fifty one minutes…

Yes, I went to bed late. I have one more person to trace and the center, and that’s it…plus the space cat. So that’s about 200 pieces. I could do it tonight, but suspect I will be panicking about grades and the class I’m not teaching tomorrow. Why did I sign up for this? New experiences. OK. Let’s go be NOT irritated. I can do this.

My Long-Lost Used to Be’s*

I don’t know why I agreed to teach a quilt class on Saturday. It’s drop in. How do you know how much stuff to bring? All of it? Assume 20 people are showing up? What if you run out of materials? How many copies do I make? Do I need another iron? Do I HAVE another iron? Seriously, I kill those things. What if I forget the scissors? I’m not even really sure what I’m teaching. WTF was I thinking? It’s funny, because I can manage 165 12-year-olds through 12 stations of chemistry labs and not freak out (well, there’s some stress there), but this sounds like the end of the world at the moment.

IT’LL BE FINE. It will. It has to be. I should get my shit together though. It’s all in my head. Some of it needs to be on paper, a good chunk needs to be organized and put into some sort of containers. I need to figure out how to get it to the classroom.

I think I need more time. Because I found out yesterday that I have to get access to my attic for a site review for installing solar. And my attic access is awful.

It’s above all that. Up there.

So all that has to come out, and then I have to take out the top shelf as well. It’s a bitch. All this when I need to do some prep for a fabric thing, which should be taking place in here as well. Tonight is when I’ll have to pull everything down. Tonight after an art opening and pilates. Uh huh. OK. Oh yeah. Wait. That’s a song.

You can see how my brain is working right now.

I need a list of things to bring to class. I need something to hand people with instructions or something. I need to organize everything.

I also need to finish grades. They’re due Tuesday. Ha. Ha. I did some of that yesterday…

This is not a picture of what I graded. It’s a picture of Kitten judging me for not petting her more while I was grading. And the essay regrades just give me a headache. So I’m listening to The Style Council and Paul Weller this morning. Tryna channel some 80s Brit pop in my soul. School today? I’m not teaching. I’m meeting and filling out some form, but mostly planning with my homie, and then I have to sit through two periods of a counselor teaching social-emotional learning with two of my better classes. That will be after my first two classes have burned down the building.

Yeah. Uh huh. OK. My ever-changing moods are mostly panic and anxiety and stress. Hence pilates. And the gym! I went there yesterday and finished one book and started another. I’m not reading enough at the moment. Or exercising enough. Or relaxing at all. Whoops!

The boychild and his dad (my ex) were recently in Boston to visit the girlchild…not sure when I can pull that off AND not freeze my feet off…but I got this photo out of the trip…

Art museum trip. Nothing’s changed. He always took them to the museums when they were little. This is one I didn’t go to when I was there. Anyway, so last night at 11:30 PM, I was leaving the airport’s cell phone lot to pick them up…so it was a late night and I didn’t get much done. To be specific, I traced this bird…

Yup. That’s it. Not quite as far as I wanted to be. Tonight might be more of the same. And I think dinner will be chips and hummus. Maybe a pear. In between school and art opening. Oh wait, this opening always has good food…but I can’t eat too much, because pilates. Let’s get that core taken care of…

This morning’s view of the table.

Slow progress. But it’s progress.

*Paul Weller, Uh Huh Oh Yeah

Pillow Fort?

My 52-year-old brain sometimes just wants to wander off and be 12 again. Not really 12, because then I’d have to get my mom to drive me places and I wouldn’t be able to drink, but I’d have more time to make art and read books and possibly even sleep and I’d stress out less about money and the to-do list and how to get people to get along and my job and who’s going to go buy more toilet paper (that last one? It’s me. I’m the one who’s going to go buy more toilet paper). I don’t want all the drama of middle-school existence. Ironic that, since I do have to deal with that every day, but at least it’s not ME who is in trouble or has to go to tutoring or didn’t finish their homework or whose friends are bugging her. Or worse.

This week is kicking my ass. It’s only Wednesday morning. UGH.

I did make scones last night for the next 8 breakfasts. That’s nice. They taste good. I had to go buy more butter to do it, because I didn’t realize we had so little in the fridge (my fault…should’ve checked on Sunday. I checked everything else), but for once, the store wasn’t crazy at 5 PM. So that was nice.

I graded nothing. Tutoring just takes everything out of me. I’m done with school when I get done with tutoring. I can’t. I just can’t. I walk in the door at home and I just need to pee and eat (oh body, you are a delight) and then sometimes I just want to cry because I still have to cook dinner and do other stuff and I am just done. It’s not just walking around…it’s being ON the whole day. I gave a makeup quiz during lunch too, so it was ON for too many hours. Way too many hours. Makes me want to build a pillow fort.

I made an animal fort instead…one at my feet…

Another one on the other foot…

The cat was behind me, then on the desk, then to the left.

Eventually I decided to trace. This is yard 3.

I got through most of the second to last figure. Not all the way. It was late, I was tired, my brain is just sucky right now.

Figure 3 needs the other arm and a head. Then I have one figure left and the stuff in the middle and a few things in the sky. I really should be doing some other things, but I don’t feel like it…grading for one. Sigh. I’ll get there. Today I will be trying to get kids to write an essay again. It’s not even really long…just 7 sentences. You’d think I was trying to torture them with they way they react. It’s exhausting.

Positive attitude ahead. I have some paper stuff I can work on. I can move from table to table and check in while working on the paper stuff. Maybe it will work. It works in my later classes…my morning classes are just a challenge. Tomorrow I don’t have to be in my morning classes…I should consider that a gift, I guess. We’ll see. (Comes back to room on fire…)

Meditating with Wonder Under

It’s Tuesday morning, in case you haven’t noticed. I made the big old lady dog come in here and lie next to me on the floor, because she’s in a mood, and when she’s in a mood, she hunts out paper things to eat and or tear apart. She especially likes pads of post-it notes, but anything will do: boxes, napkins, receipts, 20 dollar bills, books. You name it, she’s eaten it. She’s a little anxious because the boychild isn’t here, and she knows it. We got rid of the parents’ dog last night (they came back; nothing drastic), but the boychild is gone for another two days in dog brain. Well, the dog brain doesn’t know that. She just knows things are different and she doesn’t really like different. Neither does the little boy dog. I had to go chase him down in the backyard already this morning to get him to come back in. Fun stuff. Stuff I used to do every day. Stuff I will probably have to do again someday.

I know we gained an hour, but apparently I only gained the tired hour. Seriously, shouldn’t my body be happy I’m getting up later (well, no, because it’s not like I’m going to bed earlier…)? Daylight Savings time switches just mess with our brains, no matter which way they go.

Yesterday was hard work. Lots of waiting for kids to get their needs for attention out of the way. My first two classes are a challenge in that way. I stand a lot, arms crossed, eyebrows up, waiting. Eventually they settle down, like jumping beans who ran out of jump. But every time we transition, they do it again. It makes for a long couple of periods some days. Today is a lab, so it will be fine. Tomorrow is hard, so it will not. Acceptance. Mindful acceptance of chaos? Huh.

Anyway. My room is set up for the lab today, because everyone at school got to pick new furniture but us 4 science teachers. We’re good! They say. Whatever. Then I kamikazed over to the bank to figure out how to pay for solar…which is happening! I’m so excited. I finally found someone willing to design an affordable system that didn’t make me cut all my trees down. I love my trees. He was awesome. I’m hoping this is as cool as I’m feeling it is right now. I also refi’d my home loan for a shorter time period, so when I retire, I’ll be mostly paid off. I may have to refi again (god knows I’ve done it enough times) to remodel stuff, but for now, this is really cool and I’m really excited.

That did take up a chunk of the evening though. I packed a quilt to ship later this week, I tried to deal with some photos for some posts I have to do, and I graded absolutely nothing. After dinner, I actually did a tiny bit of applique…

Stuff I’ll never finish. Apparently.

Then I decided to trace stuff. Because why not?

I seriously wasn’t in the mood for anything else. It’s funny, though, because one of the reasons I stopped the previous night (well, it was late) is that I couldn’t find the next number on the drawing. Granted, I’m reading upside down and backwards, but it was seemingly invisible. Until yesterday. I’d traced the entire body, but not the head. Duh. Back to the neck, the head, the hair…then onto the next dividing space between bodies.

I’ve filled one yard and most of another yard…started a third yard, but barely.

I’m up to piece 443, which is dividing space between two bodies. I think I only have one body left? Maybe two. Yes, two. So I’m about halfway. Five and a half hours in…so a goodly chunk to go. Plus I really should be grading stuff. Ugh though. Will it make a difference? The reassessments…some of them will. The rest? I don’t know. We reviewed quizzes yesterday and they can retake today or tomorrow. Oh yeah, more shit to grade. If they improve, OK. OK. OK.

Sigh. Kitten, you feel me?

She’s like, momma, I got this. Let me just finish cleaning my armpit.

Another sighting of Bill! Bill! Bill! Hope he enjoys his travels.

You know what? I hope the real Bill gets to see it at some point. OK. Lab day. I might lose my mind in the first two classes. Hopefully not. Then tutoring. Exhausting. It’ll be fine. FINE I SAID. Looking forward to meditating with Wonder Under later.