My Neighbor Burping.

That’s all I can hear this morning. Which is better than the other neighbor, who is constantly hurking up a lung. Haven’t heard him in a while. Maybe he stopped smoking. He’s not dead, because I saw him the other day. But the burping…and you have to understand, I don’t have neighbors real close to me…it’s over a half-acre lot. But burping carries. There he goes again. Thank you sir. I feel better now.

Still having problems getting this quilt done…which is funny, because I’ve had the time…I just keep grading stuff first and it takes forever. I set a goal like “I will grade all of this one assignment” and then my SIL calls and we argue about public school teachers and stuff and then the kids are going back and forth about when girlchild will leave for Ithaca to visit for Thanksgiving and that’s all by text and then the boychild is texting me quotes from Greek poetry before he goes to bed.

And then I’m braindead. Why? I worked hard yesterday. I stretched their brains. I demanded critical thinking. I didn’t do a lot of hand-holding. I WILL make them think and think harder than they have ever thought before. I even made one boy cry (it’s OK, he came back and hugged me later and even apologized for arguing with me). It was hard for me too. It’s easier to just give them an answer, honestly. That’s why a lot of teachers just do that. Go research something and find the right answer. Not Make a claim and then do some testing and some creative thinking about the possible outcomes and then write about it clearly. Without my helping you much because you do know what you are doing and I have faith in you. I know you can do it.

Anyway. Today we move on to the next step…and we were just as vague about this one, but some kids will prefer this because it’s visual rather than writing. And I’m just going to be glad to be almost done with pulling teeth and fingernails, and to be moving on to the next unit. Although I will still make them think, but not until the very end will it be this hard. And I’ve done that one before, so I know how it feels.

The dog is escaping from my yard…my daughter’s dog. She chewed through a rather thick bit of metal fencing my ex put up to stop her digging under the fence. She runs to his house and there is no one there. He must play with her all the time. I’m the boring grandparent apparently. Hopefully we can come up with another solution…or maybe she just needs to stay with him full time. Even though he’s never home. Golden Retriever brains aren’t very logical.

So binding. I didn’t start until 11. Which was lame. I’m not even sure why. I was zoning out.

And then I went to bed early. I’ve only gotten down one side. And I have something to do tonight, so I guess tomorrow morning I will get up and sew around the other three sides and two sleeves, because I already emailed the photographer. It’ll be fine. And I need to ink it too. Am I crazy? Possibly. Always. I was working all that time or managing stuff anyway. Paying bills. Booking flights. Organizing shit. Staring off into space maybe. Can’t remember. It’s all a blur.

I want to go to the Earth Stories opening in San Jose, but it’s on a Sunday afternoon. Ugh. And I teach the next day. And the flights are a mess. Nothing is nonstop. Everything takes forever. I guess I’m not going. Saturday, I might have tried to do it, but it’s going to eat the whole weekend AND I’ll have to come back super late on a Sunday because there’s nothing nonstop. Whatever. Someone will have to go to that opening for me and take pictures.

I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed and subsequently nonfunctional at the moment. Too much grading, too many responsibilities, too much I need to get done, too much mess, not enough money! (always), and don’t I get paid next week? That’s probably a good thing. Then I get to book two flights for the kids and there’s the next scary Visa bill.

Kitten doesn’t care. She does care about all the lizards that keep climbing our windows at night…kind of amusing to watch honestly.

There’s a lot of tail-twitching and meow-y chirpy sounds. And she’d like it if I’d pet her more. I heard a nasty cat yowl last night and then I couldn’t find her (because she was hiding somewhere). The yowl was outside, but she got out that one time, so now I’m paranoid. Anyway, she finally showed up and was quite happy to get extra attention because I was so relieved, so now she will probably yowl in corners of the house and then hide until I run panicked into the room, then stroll out ready for extra love.

OK. It’s only one day of school before the weekend. And glorious sleeping in. And finally finishing this quilt. I can do one day. Right? I can?

The One Right Answer

Planning life out just doesn’t work. It was on the calendar to walk the dog or go to the gym, but by the time the plumber was done with the garbage disposal (now I can grind up my hand, no problem), I was too exhausted to move. If I sit down at all, for more than 20 minutes and a cup of tea and a snack, I’m a goner. I won’t leave the house. Part of the problem is work is hard right now…I’m trying to get kids to problem solve, to think critically. I tell them they can’t google the answers for what I’m asking them, so what do they do? Google the damn things. Then say “I don’t get it!” because they can’t get an answer. Engage the brain, my pretties. Today I’m ramping it up even higher. The kids who do well are the creative thinkers, those who can think outside the box. We train students with state testing to look for The One Right Answer. Ironic. Isn’t that how we try to live all our lives? The One Right Person. The One Right Answer. No such thing. And even the support teacher wants me to give her “The Master” so she can check the resource kids’ answers. There is no One Right Answer. I will accept any claim as long as the student supports it with evidence and reasoning. I’m looking forward to some of the answers…there are some bright kids in there, and they’re not always the ones with A’s. The ones who turn in all their homework. But I don’t know if I can get those kids to Write It Down. They hate that part.

So yesterday I had to push them out of their boxes. I’m watching them google “How do I know if I have cells?” and I’m cracking up. Then they’re looking up the traits of zombies, which might help them today, but was totally useless yesterday. I didn’t ask you to prove he was a zombie. I asked you to determine if he had the characteristics of a living thing. Today I push them further out. Then tomorrow I give them an assignment with no example, no Please Ms. Nida Can I See the Sample So I Can Just Copy It? I feel like an evil doctor, chortling in the corner. In some of the slower classes, there’s a chorus of “I don’t get it!” (don’t get WHAT, I ask…the answer, they want to say but know I won’t respond well to that. Use your brain. It’s not in the book.) and “I need help!” (use your table brains, use google, use YOUR brain. This is a code phrase for “Give me the answer.”). Hard work for me to supervise this, to push the kids who don’t want to, who want it to be easy. I can’t just assign it and sit down and grade. That’s not how my job rolls.

So yesterday, I graded stuff online. And then the girlchild Facetimed me for a couple of hours on the Hardy-Weinberg equation…which is why there’s stuff like this all over the couch this morning…

My brain hurts. But it was nice to see her and 17 of her closest friends. I was joined by all three animals…cats sitting on opposite sides at all times…

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They just can’t be friendly. By the end of the evening, Midnight had knocked all the books on the floor. She kept the Kleenex. No one knows why she does what she does.

I did finally get to pin and start sewing binding. By then, I had watched the Dr. Who episode with Van Gogh, which made me cry. There was no explanation of why he still killed himself, although I can guess. But a tearjerker…for the hormonally challenged.

Miles and miles to go…miles and miles to go…

Could Be Something Else…

I love that WordPress is still trying to persuade me to use their improved posting experience and I just ignore it. I tried it once but couldn’t find everything easily. I realize at some point, they’ll just get rid of my lame posting experience here, and I’ll have to experience improved on a daily basis…kind of how life works, right? You have choices until you don’t, until someone decides that you don’t know how good it’ll be until they force it on you. Wait. That’s not a good thing. Anyway, I’ve been using this particular interface or some very similar version for so many years that this is easiest right now. I guess I’m old. Except if I can find an easier way, then I appreciate that. I appreciate the positive changes Google Classroom has made for teachers to use their system. Now I need the Google Docs/Drive people to come along for the ride. It must be hard to go to a party and admit you work for Google. I’d corner them and make my demands. No food or drink until you give me a way to delete footers from a doc!

It’s OK. I’m not invited to parties anyway. And that might be why! Actually I went to one and met someone who was a teacher and now worked for WordPress. We had a long conversation, but he was the instigator…called me an early adopter (been blogging since 2004…can you believe it?). Holy crap. Eleven years. I must have had a lot to say.

I’m feeling ever greater relief about this project…I got it trimmed last night…

which was a bit stressful, because there is a size limit and I pushed it. But it worked out. I really need to clean out the entryway so I have room to trim the giant-ass quilts. It’s actually just short of 60″ square…so not huge but not small. I tried not to spend time quilting parts that would be cut off, so I actually ended up having to do a little bit of quilting on one side and corner after trimming it…which is still quicker than quilting a shitload of stuff that then got the axe.

It was late by then, but putting binding on is pretty mindless…so I just did it.

I actually had a hard time finding a gray that worked with the grays already in the quilt. They were too blue or too brown or too light. That’s when the clerk told me they had more grays than they’d ever had. I didn’t believe her. I have a ton of grays in my stash that would have worked, but I needed at least 3/4 of a yard, and I don’t usually buy anything but 1/2 yards for my stash. So I had to buy something. I think it works. I’ll know for sure when I get it all stitched down…

Starting tonight. I sew pretty fast. But I still have lots of grading to do too. Everything’s a balance. Always. And my brain really wants to consider options for the next big quilt instead of thinking about all the other things I need to do…like clean the house. I don’t blame it. Cleaning house isn’t fun. Making art is. I’m still going to do art every day, although next week might be a bit iffy. I’ll just keep it light. Finish the boob! It has top priority. I might even do that tonight, while the machine’s set up for quilting anyway.

I’ve only made three big art quilts this year…this will be the fourth. I’m not counting the 17-foot woman because I don’t know what other show she’ll ever be in. I have three small art quilts, but they all have nudity in them, so the shows where I could put small work wouldn’t take them. I like to finish six biggish quilts a year. Don’t think that’s happening this year. I guess I’m aiming for five. I just have to decide what number 5 is…could be another bathtub…could be something else.

Make What I Love

So first of all, I’m done quilting the beast. It’s a bit of a miracle, 21 hours plus of a miracle honestly. Longer than I thought it would take, and I made sure I wasn’t doing a tiny background scribble. I’ve got it laid out on the ironing board right now…

I didn’t even remember to take pictures while I was quilting, I was so determined to finish (and yes, it was late when I did…feeling it today). Of course, I walked the dog (3 miles), graded for an hour or two, and ate leftovers for dinner before I even started quilting, because I didn’t think it would take long…and it didn’t. Tonight hopefully I’ll trim it and get a binding on it, so I can start the handsewing. It will need ink as well, but that will maybe take an hour. I’m loving that I timed this so well. Gave myself some buffer in case I got the flu in the middle…or like this morning, with a dead and leaking garbage disposal. Cuz I have time to deal with that right now.

Anyway. Big quilt. Brain already reaching out, trying to pick the next one. Letting it think about that before I make any decisions. I have some small stuff to do first and a copyediting job and some writing. And the small things are already in process, so they won’t take a huge amount of time…enough time to let my brain look at the two deadlines I’m considering and make a decision. It is true that last Fall I managed two decent-sized quilts between mid-September and the end of December. It was a little crazy, but I did it. I think the size restrictions on one of them actually work in my favor on that. My tendencies to work huge and complicated don’t work for me on the other one though. I have so many of my newer pieces in shows…not a bad thing…that I don’t have a lot that I can enter in some shows. I’m still irritated that some of what I consider my strongest pieces don’t ever get into shows. I guess I will be hanging those at the Grossmont show in January. At least they’ll get out of the house.

It does make you wonder though. Make more pretty art that doesn’t get in people’s faces? Eh. Or make what I love. Yeah. Always been an easy choice for me.

And I really want to draw too. Missed that.

This Brain…

This is what teaching looks like now. I check my email on my phone. All my accounts go to one place. I see an email from a student, asking me to review something he’s written, an assignment, to make sure it’s specific enough (I say “Be Specific” so much, I can’t even tell you. I’m thrilled that one of them heard me.). I open it in Google Docs, read it on my phone, see that it’s awesome, and email him back about that. Done. Now yes, I did that on my personal time. But I didn’t have to. Another kid opened a Google Hangout with me (somewhat disturbing) for a similar question. I hung out and answered him. Do I get paid for that time? No. Do I do it anyway? Yes. Could I have done it on my prep? Well, normally, I wouldn’t be as booked on my prep period as I have been, but it’s been a mess lately. If I were busy, I wouldn’t do either of those things, but it was OK. I made that choice. Then later at night, I see a kid repeatedly asking for access to another student’s document, presumably because he doesn’t know how to do the assignment? And then his sister asks for access. I send an email telling him how to access his own document. Yeah, sure, the other kid could have given him permission as well, but I suspect I’ll be able to tell when I see it.

This is teaching in the age of the internet. Saturday night I graded analysis questions on my iPad. I suspect I will need a new one (just a mini…I don’t want a big one really) soon, because there is a storage problem and it’s getting slower with the new updates. It’s not a new mini. I use it all the time for work though. My phone as well. School gave us a tablet to use, but it doesn’t work well. I don’t like using it. I haven’t used it at all this year. Sad really.

So yeah, I spent some time on school stuff this weekend, but I also quilted. For hours. Really. Yesterday was over 5 hours. I think my butt grew roots into the chair. The plus is that I am so much closer to done, so that’s a relief.

Saturday morning, when I realized I was still in the outlining, I kind of panicked. I don’t have a lot going on at night this week, but I also know the binding will take a while. So before I even left the house to run errands, I finished the outlining. It only took about 30 minutes. Then I went and delivered a quilt, a box to UPS for the girlchild (need to do one for the boy next), stopped by Trader Joes for stuff (hate that parking lot…would go there a million times more if that parking lot was better designed), and to the quilt store for binding fabric.

I had this discussion with the staff about a gray shortage, and they said they had more grays now than they ever had. Say what? They were all light gray or conversation/holiday grays. Not a lot of standard middle range gray that could be used for binding. I checked the whole damn store twice (Rosies has a ton of fabric). Almost considered going to another store, but I found one that would work. They didn’t ask to see my quilt this time. Guess they’ve learned their lesson. Not sure I would have shown this one. It’s not that it’s weird…OK, maybe it is. I don’t know…it’s one thing to show your art to people who are expecting art. In a quilt store, that’s not always the case.

Sunday, I did a lot of sewing obviously. I started quilting in the background Saturday afternoon, and then that’s all I did yesterday. Fought it. The quilting in the middle means half the quilt is shoved under the arm…this is a 60″ square quilt. Sure I’ve done bigger and wrestled more, but this was work…because it was 105 degrees here yesterday. I didn’t know that until afterwards. But yes, I had that quilt on my lap and the damn hot lights were on and I quilted with no A/C in that heat. Ugh.

The result is that last night, when I finally quit, I had about 20 hours of quilting in (whoops…that’s how long I thought it would take total) and I’ve gotten around more than 3/4 of the quilt. I need to go back and do more on the one side, but I will figure that out tonight. Really, I hope to be done quilting tonight. Maybe I’ll even trim it…but I suspect that will be Tuesday. Then bind it. And probably ink it. All before it has to be delivered to the photographer on Sunday or Monday. Damn. Sometimes I even amaze myself. Now I barely talked to anyone for two days. I blew off two art openings and another event. I only talked to a few people in that time frame. I woke up this morning with no clue as to what day it was. But otherwise? I did do what I needed to do.

Of course, my brain is already trying to plan the next big quilt, trying to decide what to do next, looking at deadlines and thinking way too hard. There are two shows I want to enter. I’d like to make new work for both of them. That might be crazy.

This brain…it wants to make all the time. I guess I should be glad of that…

One Post-It-Note List at a Time

You know when it’s time to go to sleep? When your eyelids are drooping while you sew. It’s certainly time to stop sewing, that’s for sure. Three hours! I got three hours in, plus grading and getting a quilt ready for a show and packing a box for the girlchild and cooking dinner. Not bad. I need to quilt like crazy today though. I really wanted to finish the outlining last night, and I got close, but no cigar.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to do the math to pay for the next month of college bills. There’s money coming from multiple places, both parents, the kids have multiple accounts. It makes my head spin. And every month about now, I add up what I still owe and my heart stops in my chest and I take a deep breath and freak out for the next 24 hours. Which is now. Because I just can’t see how I’m going to pull it off and that’s frightening. Terrifying. Stomach dropping fuck me I can’t even do this. I do the math on the calculator and it just stares at me and I shake my head at it and go, no. I can’t.

So I have to figure that out. And not cry while I’m doing that. This month is taken care of. Next month is a month away. Next month I won’t have a hellish credit card bill…except I need to fly the kids back for Winter Break and I haven’t booked those yet.

I have 17 places I need to be today, and some of them are optional and I can’t do it. I just can’t. I’m buried and I can tell it’s having a stress effect on me because the eyelid is twitching. So I’m dropping anything that’s not necessary. I’m making a list on a post-it (sometimes it just has to be a physical piece of paper that I can see) and then I’m throwing out this lame pen that doesn’t work that I’ve had for 10+ years and getting a better one, and then I’m going to deal with the things on that list only. If you’re expecting me somewhere to do something, please just realize that I can’t handle it today. Or probably any time in the next week. Love you. See you in a bit.

It’s a good thing my parents already canceled Sunday dinner, because I would have had to.

I did finish both arms and the entire torso and the bird and got up into the face. There’s just a lot of tiny details on this thing and so then I have to go slow.

Which takes forever…you know, cuz it’s slow. And I’m usually kinda tired and afraid I’m going to sew through my finger.

And then my sewing machine doesn’t even warn me that the bobbin is running out. It’s supposed to, but half the time it’s like…fuck! I forgot to tell you! Sorry! I have a machine that can’t multi-task. It’s so busy sewing, it can’t do all the other jobs it’s supposed to do.

Fucker. Because then I can’t plan for where to end, and it’ll be some teensy weensy spot where restarting is a pain in my ass, and I’ll have to do it because Machine Sucked. Damn bird is done. It’s not upside down in real life.

So I still have the head and the hair, and then miles of background quilting, but I need to run errands first. So I’m going to do that. Yup. Shower and food maybe too. Mornings aren’t good for me. I mean, I guess I was sewing until really late, so that should count for something, but it just feels like I can’t get my act together. Sigh. I wrote the list out, though, and it looks doable. Like I think I can handle it. Plus about 5 hours of quilting? Maybe? We’ll see.

Meditative breathing. Taking on the world, one post-it-note list at a time.

Not Far Enough…

This is my life right now. I got at least 6 major things handled yesterday. So far this morning, not really awake, I’ve handled one (it took 20 minutes. I fed the dog while I was dealing on the phone. Multitasking.). There were four things on my calendar yesterday that I re-calendared for today while I was sitting in a meeting at school. In fact, one just popped up, so I’m going to do that real quick…because it’s another thing I need for school. OK. Done. Trying to be efficient as well. But the quilting is suffering. I was really tired last night. I was so tired, I went to bed early, before midnight. Did it help? Fuck no. I’m still tired this morning. And really, I need to NOT spend all morning sleeping tomorrow, because I’m nowhere near as far in my quilting as I wanted to be by now. Dammit.

I hit 9 hours in last night, but only got about an hour and a half done total. I wanted at least two, closer to three. Not near enough. Will have to make up for that tonight.

Last night was lots of tiny fussy bits, which means all I really got done with the pubic area, the torso between there and the very bottom of the breasts, and part of the hand. Oh. And the lioness.

You can see the tiny stuff in the grass on her breast…I guess I made it onto the breasts…so slightly further up…but neither arm is done. One is barely started.

There’s a ton of outlining left and a significant chunk of background quilting. This is the view of what’s coming out the back of the machine…the part Midnight really wishes I would leave out so she could sleep on it and deposit large amounts of black fur.

Not happening, you little psycho. Plus you’re the queen of vomit, and I don’t need that right now.

Anyway. Sigh. So a lot of quilting is left. And I’m buried in grading of assignments. Progress reports are coming. And I had to plan/rewrite the zombie lesson in the last two days (but it’s done!). Plus I had a ton of meetings this week. I’m sure if I’d blown them all off, I’d be further along in the quilting, but all that alone time would be fucking with my head (like it will next week). When do I think I can finish all the quilting? I was hoping Sunday. I’m not sure that’s realistic…I’ll know better after tonight. If I rock it tonight, that will help. But I have stuff I have to do tonight as well…stuff I’ve put off all week. Plus a couple of things tomorrow.

This is reality. I set goals. I want to be able to do more than I can. I’m really tired of cooking for myself. I’m tired of having to cook at all. I can’t afford to eat out all the time though. I need something I can just grab quickly in between working, heat it up, and eat it. Yes I know that sounds like frozen dinners. I hate those. So I could make my own (takes time). I get tired of eating the same thing too though. I am going to figure this shit out. And everyone asks how it feels to have the kids gone. It’s shitty. Silly question. At the end of sewing for a long time, I stand up, I stretch. My brain says, “Who can I talk to?” The dog groans and rolls over. A cat meows. There you are. Furry things. A friend told me it took 6 months for her to get used to being alone, and now she doesn’t want to give it up. The kids are back in less than 6 months. I guess that’s a good thing? But I feel so disconnected from them. I know that’s normal too. Girlchild still answers texts. The boy? More sporadically. Nothing new there.

Whatever. Transitioning again. Maybe I’ll make dessert for dinner tonight. That’s real mature.

Overworked and Underpaid…

So the best-laid plans, right? I’m at 7 hours and 38 minutes into probably 20 hours of quilting. I have all of one figure done and I’m up to the pubic hair of the next one. She’s got some major detail above that, so it’s not a short amount of time left just in outlining her, and then I’m going to have to decide how to handle the background…which will probably take a significant chunk of time…the stitching part, not the contemplating part.

The legs in a bunch…

So I was at school trying to figure next week out. When you decide to rewrite lessons, it requires more work. More work equals more time. More time? Well I have to dig deep to find that (dig deep was my classroom motto yesterday. I made them read science content. I know. I’m mean. Horrible.). We’re trying to tie up the zombie unit and there are too many choices. And some of them I just don’t like. One thing we (OK, my co-teacher) actually paid for has typos and bad grammar and a concept that is just a little confusing, but it’s a PDF file and I don’t have a really good converter (aka I use the free stuff online), but I couldn’t let it be. I never can. I can never shortcut it, even when it’s in my best interest. So instead of starting to quilt before book club, I wrangled with this PDF file from hell and made up the stuff for next week, but I think I need a homework assignment as well. We’re meeting today to pull it all together…but I did spend a good 2 hours last night. And then went to book club. And came home and ate mashed potatoes because they were in the fridge and didn’t require much thought.

I did enjoy book club…but next month is Dracula and I really don’t want to read it again. Maybe I will just watch the movie, like I did in high school to get out of reading the story of King Arthur. I’m surprised my English teacher never figured that out.

But I only got an hour of quilting done last night. So that was a fail. Except not…just less than I planned. Tonight I have quilt class, but the thought of lugging all my equipment over and basically making a shitload of noise so no one can talk for two hours just doesn’t make sense. So I think I’ll take something else (maybe even grading) and pick up dinner on the way home and then quilt for three hours after. That will make up for last night anyway. And maybe I’ll have the second figure done by the end of that three hours. Except I might have to lesson plan tonight as well, dammit.

Midnight this morning…apparently it’s cold enough to curl up in the box…

and not splay out on the desk. It won’t stay that way for long…another baby heat wave is on its way through Southern California. So tired of excessive heat. This morning, it’s cloudy and cool and nice. I need more of that. I need to stop looking around the house and studio and wishing I had more time to clean. I need to stop looking at the to-do list that is taking over my brain. I need to stop trying to rewrite everything I teach. The new standards will do that to me next year. I need to stop taking on more than I can handle (ha! But some of it pays money and I NEED more of that.). Yeah well. This is how I roll. Overworked and underpaid.

You Probably Sleep More Than I Do

I’m a little braindead this morning. Apparently the Golden Retriever wanted to play at 3 AM. Or something. It’s like having a baby in the house. She’s making noise and waking me up, but I don’t know why. She didn’t want water. She didn’t want to pee (or maybe she did…it was raining. I know this because I was standing in it trying to make her go outside, but she wouldn’t. She made that mopey-eyed dog face that means you’re getting it completely wrong.). She brought me a toy.

I’m feeling a bit groggy right now. That’s an issue. I’m making kids work on the computer today…they actually have to READ stuff, like instructions and content. It’ll be a slog. It shouldn’t be, but it is. Yesterday, I had them typing answers to analysis questions. It’s so funny, standing there, total silence from the kids EXCEPT for typing keyclacks. And the few kids typing with only two fingers. Teaching has changed so much since I started.

I meant to start quilting relatively early, but got sidetracked by a pile of things that were have-to’s. Finally heard from the boychild, who is alive! A miracle. OK, I knew he’d text me when he needed something. I just didn’t know it would be the family military history. Which I have to admit to being fairly ignorant about (possibly on purpose). I was starting to worry/get irritated, though, so it was a plus.

I didn’t start quilting until 9:30 or so…again. Maybe I should just admit that quilting time doesn’t start until then? But I wanted to be doing 2.5 hours a day and I’m only doing 2. That doesn’t seem like much of a difference until you realize it might take me 10 days to finish the quilting instead of 7, and then I run into issues next week. I think I should make myself go buy the binding this weekend. Remind me, willya? I’ll get my head down and forget.

I still had one arm and the head…and I think one breast…to do on the smaller figure, so I was hoping to finish those last night. As I was quilting, I realized I did not do the best job pinning this beast. I blame the heat. I don’t really care, because it won’t be apparent to anyone but me…but it’s annoying that I couldn’t do a better job of it.

Midnight apparently hasn’t moved from the night before…wait, I think she flipped over.

Kitten is back on the chair. Must be cold. We were listening to the sounds of raindrops falling…that was nice. I think a branch fell in the night, but I haven’t gone out yet to look.

Finished her face and ALL those tiny damn windows. Love this head though.

And then moved back over to the other figure. I didn’t get far on her…just up one leg to the crotch. The other leg is about a quarter done.

Thistles and ivy. Tonight I have book club, but I’ll get my two hours in, at least…maybe more if I can find energy before the meeting. Although I should take the dog for a walk.

Someone said something yesterday about my having talent and energy, which was not a bad thing to say…I do have talent, but that counted years ago, when I was young. I spent 20+ years turning that talent into good work because I worked my butt off. It’s not magic. Using the word ‘talent’ makes it sound like magic, like I was just born with it. I didn’t stop making art all this time. It’s taken years of learning how I work and pushing myself to get here. I don’t have any more energy than you do…I just use it as wisely as I can. Teachers are always talking about balance, because we have to take work home and sometimes we take it home in our heads (OK, not sometimes), because we’re dealing with kids and their issues as well as the workload. You probably have more of a social life than I do. You probably sleep more than I do. Your house is probably cleaner. I live alone (except for the demanding beasts…oh and the kids on break). All those things contribute to my being able to find two hours a day to work on art that you don’t or can’t find. It’s not always a good thing or a healthy thing. Honestly it’s more than a bit obsessive and maybe even crazy at times. Certainly anti-social.

I have drive. I’m persistent. I don’t give up. I have an artistic voice that screams at me on a regular basis. But it does that because I learned to listen to it early on and I feed it with regular attention. Almost every single day. Anyone can do that. You just have to pay attention to it.

Genetics Followed by a Bit of Quilting

I managed to get in two hours of quilting last night after going to listen to a science guy talk about genetic engineering. It always sounds so good when you talk about curing diseases or conditions, but scary when you think about modifying food, or the consequences of messing with the other stuff. For all we know, without my diabetes genes, I’d be someone totally different. I’m thinking of the study they did on the foxes in Russia, where they linked fur color to tameness (along with a lot of other crazy things, like floppy ears). So there’s a risk in fucking with DNA…no cancer, but everyone is a ginger? Probably not a bad thing. Or we all have floppy ears. Somewhat goofier looking.

This week is crazy for meetings out of the house…wish I could spread them out a bit more during the month instead of having three in a week, but it doesn’t work out that way. I haven’t finished my book club selection, but I read it when it first came out in 2003 or so…Margaret Atwood’s Oryx and Crake. Read the whole Maddaddam series (more about fucking with genetics! A trend!). Definitely good stuff. Atwood has always been one of my favorite writers. I don’t remember what professor made me read (and then watch) The Handmaid’s Tale, but I thank them mightily. I’ve read everything she’s ever written since then.

It’s still warm here in San Diego…we were promised rain, but it’s been reduced to a tenth of an inch sometime today…much less than the half inch plus they said we’d get starting yesterday. It’s cool enough though that the animals are back in the office with me fulltime (it is one of the warmer rooms in the house). There’s a bit of competition for space, jockeying for position, although Calli is never on the desk or chair or table, so that’s a plus. Midnight likes to lie behind the machine though, even while I’m quilting.

You can see how close she is…you can even see when my machine was last serviced. I was looking for that label. Usually they put it on the inside so I can see it. Good to know I have some time before I need to take it in. Yup, I take it in once a year. I use this beast more than most people.

Calli inhabits the floor. If I’m lucky, she doesn’t lie right behind my chair, like she is right now. She was completely zonked out yesterday.

Too much excitement? Probably not from me.

I didn’t start quilting until 9:30, because I didn’t get home until 8:30 or so and then I had to eat.

Around an hour into it (while I was stitching down those tiny powerlines and electrical towers), I was yawning, tired, wanted to go to sleep. Nope. I need another hour. How about another half hour? See, my body does tell me to sleep. I just ignore it. And if I really had gone to bed then, odds are I would have been lying in bed for an hour, unable to fall asleep. That happened Sunday night and it was later when I went to bed. My brain really doesn’t get it.

Apparently bullying through makes you wake up (or the caffeine finally kicked in, hard to say), because I managed a second hour. While I’m sewing, I set goals…I’m going to get this part done…all of the left breast and the arm…

I did actually do that, but by then I was awake and it was more a matter of looking at the clock and reminding myself what mornings feel like with not enough sleep, and the fact that I teach 7th graders, which are more than a bit demanding of my energies…well, then I set a different kind of goal, like you are going to bed when you finish that left breast.

I just happened to sew a riveted heart and a bunch of nuclear plant towers as well.

I listen to myself about as well as my students do.

There’s a pin in the heart because I didn’t sew that keyhole down…missed it. So I’ll do it after I finish outline quilting probably. Sometimes I end up doing them at the end, assuming there’s more than one. I was going fast, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more than one.

So the first figure is barely started, the bottom border is completely done, and the second kneeling figure is done except for her (very complicated) head, right arm, and right breast. I need to do some writing tonight as well, but should be able to get her done and start on the other figure…because this is just the outlining. It’s quilting the background that’s gonna kick my ass. Dark blue thread on dark blue fabric, sewing mostly at night. Yeah! That’s how we roll.