Spluttering Back Up…

Well, I can wish and hope that today goes well at school (and really, it’s just the last two classes that make it or break it), but even if it doesn’t? It’s Friday. I get a 2-day reset…yes, a reset that will require a shit-ton of working on school stuff to get it all done, but it is still 2 days. When I had COVID, I planned out a whole month of 8th-grade science, but I’m starting to run out of that and panic. I can’t get my head far enough above the water (I’m seriously in that stage where I’m constantly slipping under and getting water up my nose, and then spluttering back up) to feel like I’ve got it. I really hope the entire year isn’t like this. The planning is one piece, and then the 7th grade is the other. The behaviors in those two classes are difficult and require significant management. Some days I’ve got it! Some days make me want to quit and go work at a quilt store. Can’t afford the latter. So there we are. This week has been hard, and sleep has been hard to find, which doesn’t help. Last night, I must have hit full exhaustion mode, because I slept all the way through.

We did two days of labs, which might have helped with exhaustion AND frustration…

Luckily we have multiple teachers’ aides (kids) who will be cleaning up, because there is sand and rocks everywhere.

I do also want time to iron on this thing…it’s taking forever. I got the other arm done on Wednesday night (after a union meeting)…

This detail feels relevant after hearing about a nationwide abortion ban…

Last night was hard…I had a hard day (well, last two classes) at work, then went to Pilates (ugh…yawned through it), then home and realized I had a Zoom meeting (whoops!). I was too tired to iron at all…just stared at stuff for school and chatted. Sometimes that’s all I have. I did eventually iron after, but it’s been less than an hour every night. 52 minutes. 57 minutes. ALMOST an hour. But not. I’ve been ironing this thing together for a little over 14 hours over the last three weeks. So last night, I did the head…

I didn’t get her freckles done. I almost changed this face from the original drawing (there are other things I changed). The almost smile was an issue, although it is a beautiful mouth. The tears and the smile? So I explained on Instagram that this face is honestly where I’m at right now, ironic, since I drew it last November (that should tell me something)…I’m crying because it’s shit, and the shit is so overwhelming that I’m kind of laughing hysterically, and now I notice I wrote “I”, when I don’t really see this as a self-portrait, but maybe most of my women are some version of me. Intriguing thought.

So I got into Quilts=Art=Quilts and Excellence in Fibers (not sure I said anything about that one yet). In the midst of all the chaos and heartache (IDK if that’s the right word…there’s been some trauma too plus frustration plus all the feels), the art is getting out and seen. So that is my good right now. And my school team. Because I know they have my back even when some don’t. So bend into the chaos today, deep breaths, because I have a backup plan if their little brains can’t handle it, but sometimes they surprise me, and that is always my hope. Let today be that day.

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