All My Nightmares Escape My Head*

So first of all, another type of protest art quilt show…when my quilt got pulled in August from the AQS QuiltWeek exhibit in Grand Rapids, Michigan, because there was an invisible penis in it, Maddie Kertay offered to show my two quilts (because in the end, they pulled both my quilts) at her quilt store in Chattanooga, Tennessee, during AQS QuiltWeek down there. By the way, Facebook thinks Bonnie Browning and I should be friends (she’s the AQS Show Director…probably the sweet dear heart who pulled my stuff). This is how you know Facebook is an idiot. Because Bonnie and I are not friends. Bonnie can’t even have the decency to contact ME about pulling my work.

Then Maddie decided to host an online show called The Skin We Are In (not safe for work)…

I just love that picture. I should say that Maddie is the badass chick in charge of the BadAss Quilters Society and you should totally be a member. ANYWAY, the show is up and you should go see some of the very cool work that has been posted. Molli Sparkles has made a lovely quilt with ALL the penises very clearly marked so you can easily report them to Bonnie Browning. I’m hoping someone has sent her this link.

Sometimes grading is amusing…

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I feel like I would totally give her extra credit if she would provide me with some proof.

Sometimes grading is annoying and I walk away from it. That happened last night. So after battling with a bag of hash browns and eventually winning (I’ve never been able to cook them right, but last night I triumphed! I had to throw out the first two tries, but the third was successful! High fives!), I did some feathery things in the middle…

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To fill in space. Because I’m realizing I should do that. Otherwise I won’t be able to fit 365 days’ worth of stitching in there.

So then I came in here and quilted, and I actually got started relatively early (9:30?) because I really couldn’t stand grading any more. I thought maybe I was being extra mean, but it was more like no one wanted to read instructions. It’s hard to grade stuff when it’s all bad grades. It makes you feel like a shitty teacher. And it’s true, I missed one day when they were working on this. Sigh.

I finished the arm and the rest of the skeleton. I didn’t take a picture because I was on a roll. Don’t stop when you’re on a roll.

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It’s funny because I feel like I’ve really achieved something by finishing all the outlining, but in reality, now I have to do the background quilting, and that’s not a small task. It’s a different rhythm though…

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I don’t have to be as careful as I do when outlining. It took 12 hours to outline all this, by the way.

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It’s not a record for me, I’m sure. I have some quilts that might be as big as this? Maybe?

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I need to go back and catch some places where I didn’t stitch down properly. And then I’ll start on the background…probably not tonight…

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But definitely tomorrow. I want this quilted and the binding at least machine-stitched on by Monday night. At the photographer by the end of next week. Starting on the next quilt (which does not even exist on paper) by next week.

Yeah. Crazy. Kitten slept through all that.

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Although at some point, she woke up to give me a high five.

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Thanks Kitten. I know, right? It’s awesome that I finished that part. BOOM!

*Radical Face, Welcome Home

Your Ignorance Is Showing

It’s after midnight. I’m not gonna finish writing this tonight. But it’s in my head, and I straight-up know I won’t go to sleep until it’s out. Simply put, I’m in a mood…I’m pissed off at all the political crap that’s bombarding us on a regular basis. The stupid decisions that aren’t seeing the big picture, the world view. I’m irritated by having to deal with a president who is only barely more mature than the majority of my students. I want to bitch slap all the…well, shit, most of them are Republicans, so I’ll start there…who want to get rid of human rights and instead promote racist and sexist propaganda. Who think it’s OK to put people in charge who don’t understand science, whether it’s climate change or homosexuality, mostly I think because reality scares them. Who want to destroy the environment so they can make money. Dammit I remember Los Angeles in the 70s and not being able to take a deep breath. Who think China made up climate change. Who think the Department of Education is only for rich white people. We don’t need to educate poor people, right? What the hell? I keep thinking, “Your ignorance is showing.” Did I tell you my meditation app has an SOS setting? For when you need 2 minutes of meditative thought because a bunch of men are refusing to listen to an intelligent, educated, ELECTED woman read a letter about human rights…that men were allowed to read later. I’m boggled by that…absolutely boggled. I listened to a mom tonight almost in tears about her worries that her daughter’s IEP (Individualized Education Plan, for those with learning disabilities) would be scrapped by the incoming Education Secretary. Well yeah, because that shit is going by the wayside…along with a million educators’ jobs. And 8000+ EPA jobs. (Who are we making great again? The great unemployed masses?) And the dumbass ignorant rants from my state senator about immigration issues. And others who think a wall will stop the drug trade (wow. really?), let alone that Mexico will pay for it. Or those who think vouchers will be good…why? Because they’re rich white people. And that’s who vouchers benefit. If you don’t have money, your school choices are what you can walk to…they can’t just up and move to La Jolla. DeVos’ assertions about school ratings are so damn IGNORANT that you just want to invite her, as another teacher said, to come stay in my house, in my reality, come to my school and sit through a week, AT LEAST, of my classes. I’m not a shitty teacher because I teach in a Title 1 school…I’m in a Title 1 school because they need me there. Try, just try, to understand the social background of my students and realize that some of them are just glad to come somewhere that feels safe and has food on a regular basis.

And this doesn’t even touch what happens when the stupid decisions and dumbassery start a war. Because that’s looming.

I know for most, I am preaching to the choir. And many of you are feeling as torn apart and stressed by this as I am, and it’s not because I’m a fucking snowflake…it’s because idiots are damaging the world I live in…for me and for those I care for. So I will keep yelling until the pendulum swings back (fast please), because this is not acceptable. And the country I live in allows for protest…it was built on it. So if my rant offends you, so be it. This snowflake (I am so NOT a snowflake) doesn’t really care if you’re offended. I want to know WHY you’re offended, simply so I can probably say, again, “Your ignorance is showing.”

Meanwhile, protest art exhibits and concerts are proliferating, which I think is great. I love listening to the whiners, the ones who think we shouldn’t make MEAN art or PROTEST art because they had to suffer through the last president so why don’t we just shut up. Yeah. They can bite me. “Your ignorance is showing.” I’m making art. I really need this quilt done so I can make 17 more. Like now.

OK. Now I’m going to bed. I’ll write the rest tomorrow…

So I didn’t finish last night, but writing that helped me sleep. I had book club last night, and near the end, when we were done with the book and a few of us were just chatting, which turned into that up above, there was this guy at the bar, maybe 30 years old, and all of a sudden he yells out something like Fuck De Vos! or something, and then apologizes, and then lays out a very well-designed plan for taking care of all this chaos…something about using the government to become a trained assassin and learning how to change his identity with their help and then going out there and “taking care of” anyone who was an issue…sigh. I think there’s a movie about that. At the time, we’re all joking about that as a solution, but we’ve all thought about it, because there doesn’t seem to be a calm rational way to change what’s happening. But sitting around and waiting for the ninja warrior to take out key players in the chaos is probably not a good or healthy plan.

So I’m choosing the art resistance mode…here’s a call for entries for one of the resistance shows popping up…

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I already have work for this one. So if you follow me for my cool quilts, hopefully you realize that most of them have a message, and it’s about women’s rights usually, although sometimes it’s just about being female…which apparently now is a lesser thing again, making me clearly remember being told multiple times that I was imagining a conspiracy against women a few years back. Imagine, My Ass. Your ignorance is showing…and in that case, it was a liberal…but still a rich white male. And if they say it doesn’t exist, honey, well then you KNOW it doesn’t exist, right? My ass. Did I say My Ass?

I came home, and you know, I worked an almost-11-hour day yesterday for school alone, plus an earthquake/fire drill and then a fire NOT drill…so I stitched. Not very much…the lighter-colored fly and lazy daisy stitches on the right. Not sure why. It just happened.

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I’m actually not sure there will be enough space on this for 12 months of stitching. I think I decided 12″ square was enough…We’ll see. That’s 39 days of stitching there…326 to go?

And then it was 11 PM, so I came in and quilted for an hour. I got the skull done…

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And the ribcage on the outside of the arm, plus part of the arm.

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I was hoping to finish that whole section, but it was late. So I wrote the screed above and went to bed, although it was probably 1 AM by then. And I’m up early again today for yet another official meeting, possibly one where I’m told to make nice with another employee…but I don’t know that anyone can make me do that at the moment. If you’re in the school system and not serving my students? Because? Then I’m not really interested in making nice.

I’m looking forward to coming home tonight and finishing the outlining at least. There’s not much left. I really need this to be done…not because I have a deadline (I do), but because there’s so much else that needs making and saying and yelling and drawing, and I’m going to keep saying it until it doesn’t need to be said any more. I don’t actually believe that will be in my lifetime, dammit, but I’m still not going to give up.

Eating Cheese on Toast*

I quilted. This is good. Because I got through the intestines…and that’s the purpose of the intestines, for things to get through them…plus stress release dammit.

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And for some reason that complicated bit in the middle of her torso was fucking with my head. It really was kind of fun to stitch…around all the bits.

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Somewhere in the middle, Kitten whacked me because I tried to pick up my phone to take a picture (probably the one above) and it was under her tail and I offended her. I don’t know if you know about calico cats, but they are kind of attitudinal. I guess I’m a calico cat. You can see in her face that she’s still significantly pissed off at me…

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But then goes quite happily to sleep in the pile of fabric I obviously left for her benefit.

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So I kept quilting…got the right arm (well, it’s her left arm) stitched…

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And then stopped, because the other side has that crazy-ass skeleton ribcage, and that’s gonna take a lot of fussy stitching. It was after midnight too, and I needed to be up early today for a parent meeting. Staying late for a union meeting. Still sick to my stomach over the DeVos confirmation. I’ve seen a few of my more conservative friends express their joy (?) over DeVos as a choice (my non-US followers or non-education people may not know that Betsy DeVos is now the Education Secretary of the US, despite her utter lack of qualifications to be such a thing…don’t get me wrong, I didn’t like Arne Duncan either, but she is a significant order of powers less qualified and more likely to fuck us over more than we already are, also damaging my students. But whatever.). I would invite any of those conservative friends to spend a week in my classroom. And do my job. All of it. We ran out of our budget last week, I think (I haven’t put the last receipts in). For the year. In January. And strangely, I still have to teach for the next 5 months. I won’t even tell you about all the extra hours, especially this year, because we have no curriculum. And both my kids have federal loans for college on top of scholarships. Because otherwise I couldn’t afford to send them (honestly, I can’t really afford it anyway, but that’s another point). But let’s put someone in charge who doesn’t even know the difference between proficiency and growth.

Sick to my stomach. Just keep teaching and dealing with kids and all their stuff, trying to get them at least to think about what we’re learning…despite the crazy that’s going on in my government.

I stitched…the yellow three-pronged stitch in the cretan stitch on the right.

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This morning’s sunrise over the possum/armadillo tree (it’s actually two trees)…

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I realized yesterday my meditation app has an SOS mode…quick 2-minute meditation for days like yesterday. This will be useful.

*Kate Nash, Merry Happy

We Always Take More*

Wow. Need focus. I’m trying to relocate my gym/hiking time now that I’m back at school (let’s not talk about how I’ve been back for a month, OK?), and so I did that yesterday…bribed myself with reading my book, and it worked. I really enjoyed working out. But then came back and had to make dinner and deal with some other stuff, and by the end, it was almost midnight. No quilting at all. Sigh. So frustrating. Of course, I’m in that difficult part of the quilt…the part where it feels like it will never be done. Where it just seems endless. Where it’s hard to even sit down at the machine. Where it seems like if I don’t have a big block of time, there is no point in even starting. I have to get my head past that…because I suspect with a few more hours of quilting, ironically I will be able to see an end. Aaargh.

It probably didn’t help that I had a 2-hour staff meeting last night…although it was shorter than that…by 20 minutes? But it was after duty in the crosswalk (prepare to die!) in the rain. I was not in the mood. OK, it’s possible I am never in the mood. That said, I had a professional development on Saturday morning, worst time of the week ever, and I was engaged with the content for the entire 4 hours. Can’t say that happens with PD…certainly hasn’t this year. Luckily because of all the holidays this month, I won’t have to deal with this for another month. I did draw. I just need something that will keep me engaged. I can listen and draw. I can even stop drawing to discuss stuff. (In reality, I can draw and discuss, but people think you’re being rude if you continue to draw while they’re talking to you. Which is too bad. I am listening. I’m just entertaining art brain…like you would a child.)

I had my little sketchbook with me, so everything is tiny.

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And perhaps a tiny bit weird…

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I didn’t finish this one…

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This was after dinner. I did the star stitches in the cretan stitch.

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I almost put a tree in. But then I decided to finish dealing with the cretan stitch first. I might change my mind. This stitching helps me relax, find my brain. Except for last night…last night, it just reminded me that I had seventeen thousand other things to do.

I honestly didn’t do anything else artistic. Which explains how frustrated and tense I feel today. Well, partially, because part of it is that I didn’t do any grading either, so that’s weighing on me. Plus we’re trying to plan this unit and it’s taking so much brain power and time. I even need to do a drawing for it, which isn’t hard and probably won’t even take that much time…I just need the mental space to do it. I know there’s a 3-day weekend coming up, but I don’t want to spend all of it working. And I have so much stuff going on this week. I hate feeling this overwhelmed. And I know the only way to beat it is to get more caught up. So work harder. Yeah.

Music helps…here’s a video for today’s title…didn’t realize the song was so old…

*Zero 7, The Space Between

I Know Who I Want to Take Me Home*

Well now I know the difference between concrete and cement…and more importantly, I know the history of concrete…because I have to teach about it…what’s funny is that for 4 hours, I was completely engaged with the content…unlike every single staff meeting and school district professional development thing I’ve been to all year. That was Saturday morning.

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Frustrating, eh? I didn’t get paid for THIS 4 hours, but it was way more interesting and useful than all the stuff I’m paid for. Yes, there is a 2-hour meeting this afternoon about 8 pages in a book. I don’t disagree with the book. I disagree with how my district is interpreting the book. Oh well. Bring a sketchbook. Try not to increase blood pressure. Just ignore the stupidity. Insert rant here about micromanaging professionals.

Some of my eucalypti were dropping branches in the last storm, so we made them look funny. Don’t worry…they come back.

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I wish tree trimmers were smarter. Oh well.

Then we spent part of the evening wandering a mall. I never go to malls if I can help it…but look! Sewing machines! And all the clothes in this store were black and grey…

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My kind of place.

Unlike this Hermés scarf…holy crap, that’s some color.

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Celebrating the new year…

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And part of a whale tail…

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I was so tired, I slept through the movie…it’s OK. If I’m that tired, it’s best if I sleep.

This is two days of stitching…the cretan stitch in green on the right with the fly stitch in blue.

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Sleepy puppy while I stitch.

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I was watching a show and wanted to finish watching before trying to quilt, so I cut and ironed some pieces while it finished. This is more of the Folk Tails BOM.

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It’s kind of a crazy BOM…lots of overlaps. Kind of a pain because of that.

And then I finally started quilting, after nothing all weekend. Sigh. I’m 7 or 8 hours into the outlining and not even halfway up the body.

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That said, I think there is less outlining and more background quilting in the top section. We’ll see…if it takes another 7-8 hours just to outline? This week is a clusterfuck of meetings and stuff before and after school, so it will be a challenge to get a lot done…

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But I did get SOME done yesterday…look how big it is!

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Holy crap. No wonder it feels like it’s taking forever. Anyway. My goal is to have all the quilting finished by the end of this coming weekend and get the binding on. Then maybe get it photographed by the following weekend and be started on the next one…which means drawing it. Which means no more trying to avoid drawing it or avoid quilting or just being too mentally tired to deal with any of it. Yeah, like I can proscribe that.

I shouldn’t really give myself so much shit. I wrote 4 pages about my quilting life for an article yesterday, plus packed two food boxes for the kids, entered a show I wasn’t even planning on entering (because I’m nuts like that), and who knows what else I did. Lots. Stuff and things. There’s just too much of it. That’s the word I associate with Sundays…Overwhelming. Always.

*Semisonic, Closing Time

Watch Out, You Might Get What You’re After*

I guess I got to sleep in on Thursday morning instead of going to school, so that makes up for being awake early on a Saturday to go to school. Ugh. My brain is so not ready. It wants a 3-day weekend. It’s coming, dear brain, it’s coming. But then you’ll have to get up early to go to the dentist. Because teachers have to do all their dental work on holidays and breaks.

I was encouraged by a friend the other day to say No Thank You to a bunch of things. I tried that yesterday with a doctor’s referral. Let’s see how that goes. (It’s OK…it’s not really something I need…it’s something the insurance company thinks I need, which is ironic, because usually insurance companies want to do less rather than more.) I have some social commitments where I feel the same way, though, so I’m going to try the polite No Thank You with them as well. I’m just way too overwhelmed with stuff in general this year, mostly because of the art stuff and the constant planning of curriculum for school. Every day, dammit. And some people are really not understanding about that and it irritates me. So instead of trying to explain to them that my life is not like their lives, I’m just going to say No Thank You over and over again until it catches on.

So sometime last night, after 90 minutes on chat with AT&T, who can go suck my dick right now (seriously), and another 20 minutes with my dad talking about how my house is falling down and how the trees are trying to kill me and my pets, and then trying to get in touch with my daughter, whose phone is intermittently dead at the moment (see AT&T above), I was done. I wanted to come home yesterday and be uber-efficient and grade for like 3 hours and…holy shit, because I graded for like 6 hours on Wednesday and Thursday and I didn’t even make a fucking dent in it…but that didn’t happen. I sat there and did my stitch for the day…the weird purple flower thing above the e in Prosper. It’s a whipped thing with some other stuff.

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Seriously, I’m not getting up to figure out what it’s called. It’s one of those spiderwebby things, but whipped around, so you get the ridges on top. And I had thread left over, so I did some lazy daisies and a few French knots. There’s a shitload of French knots in this thing. Doing this makes you realize how few stitches are actually out there. I should probably pull a different stitch book out…maybe one of the crazy quilt stitch books.

I should go back in the day. I picked this sweet beast up from the other house after work (don’t even ask)…

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How can you not love that face? Then in my mail was this patch/mini-quilt from Joshua Durst, a quilter who saw that my quilt was banned from AQS and made this patch and wore it around the next AQS show and then sent it to me…

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After yesterday at school, this was nice to get. It was really nice. Even though that seems like a million years ago. Still no penis though.

And then there’s this guy.

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He wanted a tummy rub. They’re cute when they’re small. They’re also bitey and barky, but cute. Almost makes up for the other crap.

Anyway, after all that, I graded for a bit and then made dinner and then sat down again and thought, holy shit, self, I’m way too tired and stressed to do anything, let alone quilt, and I stewed in that for a while, graded some more, tried to release some of that stress, because that’s really just shit I’m doing to myself and I don’t need to do that.

I finally got up and came in here and did some stuff online (paid bills, cleaned up email, worked on some stuff for school), and then sat down to quilt.

And oh my god, why do I never remember how relaxing it is to just quilt and listen to music (when the machine is behaving and the world is good)?

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So I finished the bottom part of the skeleton and wandered around the pelvic girdle and did the sides of the stove and then that tree with all the peaches and the tiny hands and came back up and did part of a ribcage and THEN…

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Then I was tired. Because it was after midnight. This is a large beast and it is a bit of a pain in the assholular area in the middle to move it around, but it’s getting done. I’m not quite halfway up on the outlining, and there’s a lot of stuff in the gut area, but I’m getting there. Please remind me next time when I’m sitting on the couch all cranky as shit that this crap makes me feel better and yes I stay up way too fucking late, especially when I have to be up early, but whatever. This is me and how I roll and what’s goin’ down. Fuck yeah. Now I’m going to teacher school to learn about concrete. Fuck me.

*Talking Heads, Burning Down the House

It Doesn’t Matter if You Want It Back*

I didn’t post yesterday. I had a good reason. I also didn’t quilt on Wednesday. Good reason. And didn’t go to work for two days. Good reason, but I might have to do some damage control today, looking at what didn’t get turned in. I hate that. Teacher’s not there, can’t do my work. Frustrating. If teacher’s not there, there’s a damn good reason for it.

I did quilt last night for a bit…

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The machine is still quilting just fine. Who knows what that tension clusterfuck was about. I’m about 5 1/2 hours in…hopefully more tonight…the weekend is a little busy though. Probably only have 20 hours to go.

Here’s where I spent a good chunk of time the last two days. Grading stuff.

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So at least I got a bunch of that done…not enough…never enough.

For the year of stitch, I did two days in one…see? I didn’t even do two stitches…or did I? I stitched the whipped running stitch and then dropped some extra French knots in the flowers where the running stitch stopped and then filled in the ‘s’ with something…not split stitch. Aargh. Can’t remember the name.

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Stem stitch. That’s it. It needs a hand. Like an actual stitched hand.

Then I went to my stitching meeting last night and almost finished this block with the stuff in the center of the flower. I needed a marking pencil and some circle templates to do the last bit.

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I can’t find any marking pencils. Should have bought one when I was at JoAnns hell the other day. I know I have a circle template somewhere.

This is the 2nd block in the Folk Tails quilt. Those are warthogs. Aren’t they cute?

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They need eyeballs and tusks and hairy bits. All of which is coming. I was pretty braindead at some point last night, so I started tracing and cutting the Wonder Under for the next month of these. I actually have the first three months all sewn down, but not embroidered. The next few months, four months actually I think, are cut out, but not sewn down, so I figured I’d get the rest cut out. I really like this pattern…it’s funky. But I don’t have a lot of free time for these any more. Perhaps I should add to my daily stitch practice…must stitch something down on this quilt.

Anyway. I had some good ideas for the next quilt. It’s impossible to keep it from skewing politically. I can’t keep that shit out of my head. I’m sitting here trying to teach my students not to make claims without evidence that backs them up, and my government has decided that lying and making shit up is the new status quo. I hate this. Yes, there’s always been lying going on in government, but not like this. This is just plain crazy.

*Amanda Palmer, Want It Back

She Splutters Pistol Shots*

A late afternoon post…not because it’s been a lazy day, of course, but because I was up and out early, too early to get my act together on the computer. Now it’s mid-afternoon and I’ve spent three hours in an educators’ meeting for those trying to protect our students from any political fallout (wow…I don’t even know what to say about the immigration crackdown), but also to protect teachers who are facing issues with what they’re required to teach and parents or community members who are clueless. Honestly. They are clueless.

I stitched during the meeting. I listen while I stitch…

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I even sign up for committees, take notes, look stuff up, and contribute. Because I can do two things at once. Some people can’t…and that’s OK. I love being told I can’t stitch and think at the same time. That didn’t happen today, but I’m having some work-related frustration that goes with that.

I don’t get much done on these normally, because I’m not sitting in a lot of meetings really. Or I grade during meetings, because that’s a have-to.

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But now I’m on a subcommittee. Or a committee. I’m not sure which. It’s OK. It’s the stuff I’m trained for…how to protect teachers who are being told to change what they teach so it doesn’t scare the public. That’s a block from Sue Spargo’s Folk Tails Block of the Month, by the way. I’m way behind.

I had to laugh though. A few people have commented that they didn’t like the Women’s March because of the inappropriate hats…not the pussy hats, because those are cats, right? (although some were upset that we used the word pussy) But the (as they called them) Vagina Hats (yes this is related to the educators’ meeting). So. I googled that shit. Because I’d seen some hats that were what I think what she was talking about…but I also saw some of this…which I love.

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But I think they meant more like this…

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And here’s the deal. Y’all need to be educated if you think that’s a vagina. It’s a vulva. And why they’re reviled, I will never know. They bring babies into the world. They are a source of pleasure. They are a pain in the (um…) vulva because they also deal with periods and shaving stigma and all that crap, but in general, I think very positively of the vulva and its attributes. But we in America are terrified of this small stretch of feminine territory and all it encompasses, so yeah. So that means some people think it’s inappropriate. But they aren’t even educated about what it’s called. Probably aren’t really clear on what it does either. Whatever. So stay home. We’ll march for your freedoms.

Probably this political stuff doesn’t reduce my stress. But I think I’d go crazy just sitting at home and not doing something about the batshit crazy I’m seeing out there.

I came home to a really nice package though…bits and pieces of hand-marbled fabric from the Morans, who did some commissioned fabric for me years back. I think their fabric is in almost every quilt I make, because I only use small pieces and I still have stuff from way back. Seriously, I was still married when I had them do the commissions. I love this batch of colors, though…they will definitely find their way into my stuff.

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Go click on that link and get some of their awesome fabric.

Yesterday. Ah yesterday. So here’s why I got no art done yesterday. First of all, labs all week have stretched the patience of me and my coworker so thin…but we did manage to hammer out a rough version of something I will probably be drawing next week some time…

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And that’s only part of it…trying to connect all the different pieces as we go into teaching climate change. You know, that thing that apparently doesn’t exist. If you believe that, your ignorance is showing.

Here’s the branches I came home to…well, minus the huge one in the backyard. Nothing hit any structures…and they are all now cut up.

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The picture is deceptive. Two of those were heavy enough that they took me pulling with all my might to get them to that spot in the yard. I didn’t even try with the one in the backyard…it was too damn big to drag.

And then I gamed until late. No energy for sewing after that. I went to bed with my book and a cup of tea and eventually passed out.

I’m posting this for Tanya, who is worried that my house is falling down. Oh, yeah, that board that slipped? We currently have a 2×4 propped up in a cement block that is holding it up until everything dries out enough to do something.

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Of course the board with the K on it is rotten. It’s been rotten since 1998, when we moved in. They were supposed to replace it back then and we missed it. So there’s wood to be replaced and boards to be reattached. If you don’t know anything about teaching, you won’t know that making phone calls and trying to get service people to show up on our schedules is virtually impossible during the school year. I’d have to take the day off just to make phone calls, and that’s not an option. I’ll aim for Spring Break. The house isn’t falling down. I just need a decent carpenter or contractor. And money. Ha! That might be the biggest issue, as I send the monthly college tithing off this afternoon. It’s more than I get paid in a month.

Please don’t notice that I don’t have a stitch a day today. You’re right. I’ll have two done later today and then one tomorrow. I always catch up.

Yeah. It’s never-ending. I wanted to go to an art event this afternoon, but I’m tired and can’t deal with parking downtown today. So I’m going to finish this up and try to stitch down for a while. While wearing a vulva hat. Yeah.

*alt-J, Breezeblocks

Golden Dreams Were Shiny Days*

‘Twas better yesterday. The labs were a bit smoother than before. Mostly I dealt with kids who can’t work with other people. I’m having a hard time getting stuff done at home though. I’m really tired…even went to bed early (ish) last night (before midnight). Really tired is usually a message from the body, and I try to pay attention to those. I didn’t try sewing on the machine yesterday though…another deadline popped up. So I tried to deal with that…a friend has written a performance piece and wanted a drawing. I’ve been sitting on it for months because it was hard to wrap my head around it. I’m not particularly good at drawing to commission. To theme? Even then, it’s a crapshoot. My version of the theme is often not the organizer’s version. I’m not sure my brain sees what y’all see. I don’t know because all I have is my brain, but I know that words and music put images in my head that don’t necessarily match others’ perceptions. I’m OK with that, but in a situation like this, I just have to hope that what I see is what they see (it probably isn’t).

Anyway, I started drawings about 7 times…this one was doing OK until I got to the legs and the guy, but it’s OK…I used it for the next three iterations.

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So this is where I’m at now…then I was sort of frozen because I hadn’t put the other figure in and I was afraid I was gonna fuck it up.

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So I’ll try to do the other figure and the rest of the tree tonight. So that’s why I didn’t sew, although I could have at that point. Maybe. I just wasn’t in the mood to fuss with the machine.

I spent most of the night with animals…it was cold…

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There is no room for people on my couches. At some point, they all moved around and I got three in a row…

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I took a break from drawing to do the feathery leaves around the P…

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Then I had two of them back…

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A yin yang of furballs.

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Not the most productive night…but whatever. I’m trying not to get frustrated with myself for not being further along on this quilt, but it is what it is. I’m stressed. I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m doing the best I can right now. Much like many of us, I think. So hopefully tonight I’ll finish the drawing and then go back to the stitch down. Hopefully the machine will behave.

*Earth, Wind, and Fire, September

Karma Police, Arrest This Man*

Plagued by frustration this week. Really. So what is one to do? Well actually DOING does help, although sometimes, like last night, it causes additional frustration. At some point, sleep is the only option.

I did start stitching down at a fairly early hour, and was mostly successful…

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Although the tension was having issues, which is more than a little frustrating. I’m thinking it needs adjusting of some sort. It seems really random. So I kept trying to get it to its happy place (and me to mine).

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And then I broke a needle (still not sure how) and then I couldn’t get it to anywhere happy at all. I rethreaded everything. Tried everything.

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Finally turned it off and walked away. Fucker. It better work tonight. I did finally bring the other one home, and it does work as long as it doesn’t get too hot (not a problem this week), so I can throw it in for a while if this keeps happening. But so frustrating…because there doesn’t seem to be a logical reason for the lame-i-tude. I hate not being able to fix it myself. How long have I been sewing? 42 years? I should be able to make it work.

That was after a frustrating day at school. So. Hopefully today will be better, because this week is kicking my butt and I’m not even halfway through.

Sometimes puppies help with that and sometimes they’re just bitey assholes. You pick.

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I added the orange stars and crosses on the left. Gonna fill in all that space around the words.

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I pulled the beanbag out of my son’s room into my office, so the puppy could sleep in there while I’m stitching. But this is what happened. And she’s scary, so he just stares at her. Now I feel bad, because Simba really did think that was his beanbag. Sigh.

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My daily ball-throwing exercise…once they had decided they were too tired to run any more.

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Calli gave up way before Simba did. He would just leap over her.

OK. Well. I have a plan if the machine continues to create stitch nests. I’m not sure I have a plan for how to deal with students being frustrating today, but I’ll work on it. I know they don’t think things through and I have to remind them of 17 million things, which frustrates me as well. Today will be different than yesterday. I just have to keep telling myself that. Also true of the big picture…the political stuff is weighing on me. I just keep taking tiny actions, because that’s what I can do. And not engaging with those who still think I don’t have a right to object. There’s really no relief at the moment.

*Radiohead, Karma Police