Time Will Prove Everything*

Well apparently every online service I’m using has switched up its format in the last 36 hours…or less. I’m sure there’s a good reason for it. In the case of WordPress, everything that was over here is now over there. It’s OK. I got this.

I meant to write yesterday, but I lost time to taxes. And no, they’re not done. Almost. Well, if by almost, I mean I’ve finished the hour or so it will take me to track down all my teacher expenses. So yeah. TurboTax wants me to file in 4 days, so they should come here and find all those expenses for me. I’ve found all the others.

Meanwhile, doing taxes takes away from very important artmaking time. I think I did a whopping 25 minutes of ironing yesterday and zero so far today (aiming for after dinner, I think). So yeah…I ironed a spool, an embroidery hoop, and a pair of scissors. That’s it.

IMG_2897 small

Still have the other arm and the stuff floating around that hand, plus the three heads, a cat and a teacup. Huh. That’s actually not a small number of pieces. I’m a gonna say I probably won’t be done tonight. Just guessing. Because it’s almost 7 PM and I’m not cooking dinner, because I’m not hungry, because it’s not really 7 in my head, so everything’s gonna run kinda late.

Calli has no break. But signs of arthritis. Poor baby.

IMG_2880 small

So she’s off walk duty for a while. Which doesn’t make her happy.

Gaming on Friday…I’m still stitching. It keeps me awake…I need multiple inputs. It’s interesting though that when I’m really tired, creating shit keeps me awake. So it IS my fault that I stay up late.

IMG_2882 small

I got a good chunk done Friday night…

IMG_2885 small

And then came home and tried to persuade the puppy to come inside instead of trying to chase possums or bunnies, because I was hearing big animals up in the bushes and he wasn’t…so I wasn’t leaving him out there alone with the coyotes.

IMG_2889 small

I did three nights’ worth on this…let’s see if I can remember what I did. I did a light blue bullion and fly stitch above the orange lazy daisies I did last week. Then I added a green fly stitch, but there was still green thread left, so I filled in with a chained fly stitch below the tree roots. And then I did a satin stitch in columns below the orange lazy daisies. It looks kind of like a wall. Maybe.

IMG_2892 small

Back to filling in the spaces.

Kitten during tax time…needing entertainment…

IMG_2899 small

Last night, I finished this block, Block 4 of Sue Spargo’s Folk Tails.

IMG_2905 small

It’s really bugging me that I haven’t done Block 3…but to work on the embroidery, I have to sew on the wool pieces that are on the block that’s sewn to it…like block 15 or something, I think. I may do some of that first…just a bit a day, to get me onto the next one. It bugs me to NOT do it in order. Left brain/right brain crap. I wanna be really creative and all, but only in a certain order. I’m like that with my own stuff too…I like to iron all the pieces down in order. It bugs me inordinately if I’m ironing stuff out of order.

Here’s the three completed blocks…

IMG_2906 small

I don’t think they actually go together like this.

So my plan for the week…finish ironing the current quilt down and get it stitched down and sandwiched…then start quilting by the weekend. Seriously, none of that should take very long. By the end of the week, I’ll know whether I should be making another bathtub quilt or something else. Because time is flying past me. As always. This week is less meeting-heavy, so it should be good for dog walking (well the little dog, anyway) and going to the gym, but also for artmaking. I’m hoping. Let’s not think about the grading (again. as usual.). The left eye tried to twitch this morning and then quit. So that’s a good thing. But right now? I probably need to make dinner (ugh). Because my leftovers are my lunches…so that would be a good thing to have done before tomorrow morning.

morrissey

*The Smiths, There Is a Light That Never Goes Out (OK, this isn’t actually a quote from the song, but from one of the live recordings when Morrissey proclaims this post-song…2004 apparently).

The Soul within Will Tell No Lies*

I’ve just spent 10 minutes I don’t have trying to find my small sketchbook. I know it’s in here somewhere, because I used it less than a month ago or maybe exactly a month ago, yes, that’s what it was, and I’m the only one who lives here, so it IS wherever I put it last. That’s frustrating. It must be nice to at least mentally blame it on someone else in the house who possibly moved it or at least doesn’t remember NOT moving it, or in the boychild’s case, remembers where I left it and can tell me, thus turning it into a win.

I’m sure it’s somewhere logical, at least logical to me at the moment when I returned and photographed the three drawings I did in it at the last staff meeting, because that’s why I need it. I’m already up early for a parent meeting and then I have to sit through two more hours when I am at my tiredest. Yeah. Need drawing for that. There’s no freakin’ way.

The left eyelid is back to twitching. I know at least part of it is due to not enough sleep the last two nights, stress waking me up or some noise or some barky puppy. Last night, I was trying to finish reading the stuff for today’s staff meeting. It still seems vague and undefined. I’m sure that will all be solved by the meeting (insert rolling eyes here). One teacher called it dense. It’s repetitive, actually, and vague. I need more specifics. Presumably those are in later chapters. At the rate we’re reading, we’ll get to that in 2020.

I did manage to get a few things done yesterday, even though work sucked up some time…sending out the weekly parent email for the whole grade, plus warmups for the week, and trying to make a rubric that’s not stupid for these projects the kids are supposed to be completing this week. Behold the clusterfuck! is what I think I’ll be saying on Friday.

I started by finishing the ironing on the newest quilt…only 64 pieces, because it’s tiny…but finally more color.

img_2802-small

There’s all the pieces…mostly tiny, really. And not a lot of them.

img_2803-small

My parents gifted me this book by local author Christen Brown, as an assist on the year of stitches.

img_2805-small

I forgot to photograph what I did on this guy Saturday night…more bullions and the start of some chain stitching…

img_2806-small

And then this one, 60 days or so in…added more leaves. There’s more! I did use a stitch from the book…a lazy daisy with a tiny bullion knot on the anchor stitch.

img_2807-small

Puppy was curled up next to me but got tired of my moving around and so he pretended to be a cat.

img_2808-small

There’s my regular seating corner. The quilt ready to be cut out (I had been cutting until I remembered I had to read about 20 pages in a book for the meeting today), a puppy asleep, a cat mostly not asleep behind my head.

img_2809-small

A random dog toy.

So I didn’t get much cut out because of that book. I was trying to read and watch TV and focus on whatever and it was largely ineffective. It didn’t help that it was after 11 PM. Oh well. He (the principal) can’t expect much the weekend we were all working on grades. And I can’t expect much to be cut out. Tonight I’ll do better…

img_2810-small

I keep thinking I should solidify my schedule on this one, especially if I need to get another one done after it. It’s March 6…I should be able to get this cut out and start ironing this week, maybe get the ironing done over the weekend (remembering that I have to do taxes and probably grade some shit). Then iron it down to the background by the 13th, and do stitch down that week. Quilting the week of the 19th? Be done by the 25th…that’s late though, if I’m really going to get the next one done. Huh. Well. I should pull the next one out. I have to make a decision about making another political one or making one for the show in July, which is fully dependent on a show I entered that notifies March 15. OK. Well no decision until I have that notification. If it’s a reject, definitely do the next bathtub. If they take one? I’ll have to make an executive decision. If they take both? Do the political one. The one that’s not drawn. That might make the decision right there, if it doesn’t get drawn before the decision has to be made.

At least I can see it all in my head now. I needed the space to talk it through. Reasons why I have a blog…it’s not for you…it’s for me. This month. Sheesh. And I lose a week in April…for a good cause though, my mental health.

*Nightmares on Wax, You Wish (there was no actual singing in the version I was listening to…)

Am I Already That Gone*

Field trips…usually I like them. I suspect some of the annoyance this time was my incoming mood. But whatever. I liked the movie…this ice chest frightened me. I think it weighed 100 pounds, all ham sandwiches. And the seatbelt wouldn’t fit on it. And every time the bus driver took a turn, it would shift ominously toward me. Death by ice chest.

img_2730-small

We arrived safely…my upwards sky view of the Fleet Science Center…

img_2732-small

This is when my group of kids started to realize I was one of their stranger chaperones. Whatever.

I’m posting this for Julie…because it’s a bike. With fish cutouts. That were used (?) to print the fabric. Except I can’t figure out how they did such tight turns in the middle. And because I was trying to follow and keep track of 10 diverse individuals in the museum, I couldn’t even find the card to read it…

img_2747-small

Same with the Sherlock exhibit. I went through twice, but so totally didn’t have the brainpower to figure out the mystery.

img_2753-small

But I took selfies with the props.

img_2754-small

Which makes me kinda like a middle schooler. No attention span, but damn, I got a selfie. I dare you to solve that mystery while you’re trying to keep track of 10 12-year-olds.

This was cool…it was at the start of the Sherlock mystery.

img_2757-small

I wish I could say I’m gonna go back and figure it out, but I think the Fleet just makes me think of school field trips and I’ve got PTSD on that right now.

This is what happens when you send photos/video of Simba to the girlchild right now…

She misses him. She can have him at the moment, because when you have a lot of work to do, he’s an annoying butthead.

So I stared at this a lot last night. I did start drinking at some point. It’s OK…by then, I was watching videos the kids had made and was laughing.

img_2773-small

Maybe that was the wine. Fuck. But you know if you’ve never been a teacher or lived with one, you just have no fucking idea what it’s like. I stress over my job and the kids and the time it takes constantly, and there’s no easy solution to any of it. And this year has been so hard with all the planning. I’m done. But I can’t be. Because I’m a responsible adult. No really, I am.

I’ll be staring at that screen for about another hour or two this morning, and then I’m done. Seriously. For Trimester 2. There is still another trimester. Sigh.

For those of you who were worried that I had lost Block 3 of the Folk Tails quilt…I was pretty sure it was sewn to another block…and it was. There it is…something about elephants needs to be sewn down.

img_2774-small

For a while, I was trying to get all the wool bits sewn down first and then I thought I’d do the embroidery, but at some point, the embroidery needs to be done before you can sew stuff together, so I started doing that. So freakin’ organized. Anyway. I’ll figure it out.

I did two nights’ worth of stitching on the tree…it’s looking better with more variety of color and stitch types. I added a double fly stitch and more lazy daisies, but in a different color.

img_2775-small

I’m glad I picked black for a background. It’s nice…although I can’t use any really dark colors. Pros and cons. Probably this is why I usually pick dark backgrounds for my quilts…I like the color pop.

Then I headed in to the studio to cut more fabrics, another hour and a half in. I did the heads and some of the hair. It doesn’t seem like much…

img_2777-small

And there’s still not a lot of color in this piece, besides the flesh. There will be more. I’m hoping to finish the rest this afternoon. There’s not a lot left…

img_2778-small

But I have to finish grades first, so they’re out of my hair. I still have kids trying to turn in late work. This morning. Nope. NOPE. Gradebook is closed. Respect my time. I have a hard enough time doing that myself.

And then art…because I’m tired of grinding my teeth and having my eyelid twitch. Gimme a break.

*Sarah McLachlan, Sweet Surrender

If You Bring Your Blue Sky Back*

I seem to be running late all the time. Not sure what happened. I know the left eyelid is now twitching. Last weekend it was the right eyelid, but I exercised and tried to take care of myself and the crazy backed off. I try to manage that stuff, manage the stress, but at some point, until I get a handle on grades really, it’s not going anywhere.

So I hung out with friends last night (that’s one thing that helps)…but I couldn’t find block 3 of the Sue Spargo thing I’m working on. I pulled everything out of the bag and looked at the picture. I know it exists. I remember sewing all those freaking spots on the tree…don’t I? Sheesh. The other Kathy (I stitch with another woman named Kathy, not my alter ego, although that exists as well) claims the cat stole it (certainly a possibility)…but I think it’s just sewn onto another block that’s in the other box where I’m sewing bits of wool on, the box I organized like last summer. And then forgot about. Yeah. That one.

Stitching is one of those things that reduces my stress, even when it’s 70 billion bullion knots. Julie (one of my other stitching friends) reminded me that when I started my first Sue Spargo quilt a million years ago I was terrified of the bullion knot, and then I did 90 trillion of them on one block and I was cured. True story. I can do bullions in my sleep now. So I started on block 4…with a bunch of bullion knots.

img_2723-small

I’ll find the other one eventually. Not this weekend.

I spent a lot of the evening with doggy attentions. They are really missing hanging out with my ex (I told them it was this weekend too, and they are now even more upset…I am that boring…and I WILL be this weekend, until grades are done)…you will NOT grade. Because I am on your lap.

img_2706-small

They do seem more friendly than a few months ago. A cold and lonely winter? Or just getting used to the little bastard. Calli’s look is hard to read. Make him stop? Why? Oh Why?

img_2712-small

I might eat him…if you weren’t sitting here documenting the whole thing.

img_2717-small

Well I gave myself one episode of some TV show to grade shit. I wasn’t in the mood. Too late. That’s a good way to motivate me…when the episode is over, I’m done.

So I went and did something else to release stress…picked all the fleshy bits.

img_2719-small

Except I didn’t get to the heads. Yes. Heads. Plural. Seems to be a new trend for me.

I still have all these bits that go inside the body…bones and hearts and shit. I’ll get to those.

img_2720-small

But look how tiny they all are. Sheesh. This quilt. That’s the end of the 300s up there on the bottom of the picture. The stuff on the top is all the 200s and 300s that weren’t flesh. I usually do them after. There’s a bunch of stuff floating around the hands.

I’m at just under 3 hours in picking fabrics…probably another 2 to go? I could do that tonight, but I really need to grade shit. Hopefully by the end of the weekend though. I can’t grade nonstop. It hurts my head.

Fabrics I’ve used so far on the left (mostly pinky bits)…stuff ready to be trimmed on the right.

img_2721-small

I’m really looking forward to this little beastie. It’s a good size for getting expression out quickly…without killing me with a big quilt.

But before I get to any of that…it’s field trip day. With the tail end of a cold. OK. I got this. I think. It’s not like I have a choice.

*Peter Gabriel, Sledgehammer

Tell Me Darlin’ Please, Tell Me True*

Look! It’s March! Not February! Did anyone notice February? It’s so short. March is a weird month…if Spring Break comes in March, then it’s a nice month, usually punctuated by spring flowers and temperatures, bright blue skies and fluffy clouds, the first sunburn of the year if I go back to the soccer years, mostly because I would have forgotten sunscreen after months of winter (OK, we don’t have much in the way of winter here, it’s true). It’s also my birthday month, which isn’t really a big thing for me, but it’s a day in March. If it’s a school day and kids find out, then it’s a cross between really annoying and amusing. If you’ve never had 90 7th graders sing Happy Birthday to you in the morning, then you don’t know what I’m talking about.

But when Spring Break doesn’t come until April (and this year, not even the first week in April), the month seems to stretch out almost as long as October…a vast expanse of five 5-day weeks where students are losing their minds to pubescent hormonal slush and dreams of summer. This year is one of those, so February slammed by like a drunk clown, but March is gonna stretch out like a bad cold, uncomfortable and exhausting. The plus? Spring Break is coming. It will be here. I see it (I don’t actually…but maybe I will later this week, once I’m done with grades).

Yeah, I’m still sick and maybe a bit delirious. Sorry. I left my cold meds at school yesterday, so I had to go out last night to get more, and the nice pharmacy woman was only a little amused by my discombobulation. Sinus stuff gets me all wiggy. Can’t think straight.

So last night was not the most productive evening of all time, but shit happened. I put more leaves on …different color thread and different stitch. Gonna keep doing that.

img_2664-small

Then I was trying to finish an episode of something I was in the middle of watching, so I finally used the white pencil I found (at a store…ironically, last night, when cleaning the studio, I found one of the ones I had here)…and did the concentric circles behind the bird.

img_2665-small

Yeah, they’re wonky as hell. I like it. This block is done now. So that’s two! Wow. You don’t even wanna know how many months I’ve been working on this block. First there’s about 98 bullion knots in it.

Then I came in here and dealt with the mess. First I had to put all the fabrics away from the last quilt, which wasn’t a small amount. I always clean up the fabric stash between quilts. Helps me think. I like everything put away to start.

img_2666-small

I do need more storage though, and since this room can’t take any more storage, I’m going to have to dream about a larger space. I actually wouldn’t want to move the studio into one of the kid’s rooms (like they’re ever going to move out), because I like my corner view here…but who knows. Maybe I’ll go two stories just for more storage…some sort of loft thing. (Yeah right.)

Then I sorted the first 100 pieces. Sheesh, that’s some tiny shit there.

img_2667-small

Even the drawing, seen from across the room…it’s so small compared to the last one. It won’t take long…

img_2668-small

I didn’t actually start ironing anything, because it was it was almost midnight when I got to here. And I’m sick, so I should probably go to bed earlier (ha! I couldn’t breathe well enough to fall asleep quickly). Ugh. Colds suck. They just drag on forever.

If I feel well enough after school, I’m going to walk the dogs. They’ve been pretty impatient with me the last few days. They’re used to a lot more weekend entertainment than I gave them (rain didn’t help…they got a 2-mile walk)…and this weekend is a repeat of last weekend…they’re stuck with me again. If I don’t feel well enough, I will sit in the hallway and throw balls for them until they quit. But I also need to grade tonight, because I couldn’t deal with it yesterday. And then ironing stuff to fabric. That’s something to look forward to.

*Sarah Jarosz, Tell Me True

Words Like Violence; Break the Silence*

First, here’s a photo that’s kind of what my brain looks like at the moment…

img_2592-small

That’s an impressive piece of sidewalk. So the concrete is my brain, and the dark gray cracks and dirt are school and all the crap I have to get done and deal with. Like closing the gradebook yesterday and having about 40 assignments show up after that. Because I can’t tell time? The real questions are (1) how big of a bitch am I? and (2) can I even get all the grading done that was turned in on time anyway? We’ll see. The green though! The green is artmaking. So that’s a good thing.

So I figured out the piece of wool in the bathroom. It wasn’t me. It was Kitten. Or Midnight. Or both of them. Because another piece was left somewhere yesterday. So I think Midnight pulled them out of the bag (one at a time, because I was organizing the other night, so I know the other piece wasn’t out of the bag), because she’s the one who goes in bags and likes plastic…and then Kitten walked the one piece to the bathroom, because that’s her shtick…carrying crap and depositing it in strange places. The bathroom is her place to sleep. The other piece was just left outside the plastic bag. Kitten hadn’t seen it yet. Here’s the blocks I haven’t sewn down yet…

img_2595-small

Weird cats. Guess they’re bored when I’m gone. Wish they’d do something like put all my clothes away. Or clean something. Maybe I should leave dusting equipment out or a toilet brush.

I had gaming last night, but I’ve been grinding my teeth all week, plus the right eyelid has started twitching…and I haven’t gotten good sleep all week, so I knew I’d probably fall asleep during the game if I didn’t work at it. So I stitched the whole time. It helped me concentrate. I should just do that. It works for staff meetings too. So there’s the warthog block…

img_2593-small

Awww, they’re cute. And here it is with block 1, which still needs a stitch thing in the background, but I need a white pencil, and I can’t find one to save my life. In my house, that is. Kitten? Midnight!

img_2594-small

It’s on my list for today.

When I got back from gaming, I made the intelligent decision NOT to sit down on the couch. I went straight to tracing…

img_2596-small

Even though it was like 10:30…but I got into the 400s, which means I only have about an hour and a half left…just the necks and heads…hard to believe there are about 130 pieces in there. Oh wait, the last-minute cat and teacup are also part of that.

img_2597-small

Yes. I stayed up well past midnight. Why does this shit surprise you? This is how I live. All those stupid ass articles about how not getting enough sleep harms your health obviously don’t understand everything that I need to get done. OR the plus of making art in my life. I WOULD have slept longer today, but some small puppy thing was offended by coyotes and neighbors and I think just daylight and life in general. Dog walks today and tomorrow…seriously. I feel bad for him when I’m this busy, but I can’t fix that shit. I’m doing my best. He needs more entertainers. I need some kid to come by and leave me alone but play with him for about an hour a day.

OK, I have seven thousand things to do this weekend. Seriously. One of them might be to find all the feminist slogan t-shirts I can afford and buy them. OK, that’s not productive. But certainly here’s what’s on the plate for today: pet store for dog food (apparently they like that shit), JoAnns hell for that white pencil (or 10 of them so I can’t lose all of them like I’ve lost the three or so that must be in this house), grading as much as I can, finish tracing the current tiny quilt, probably eat dinner and hang out and watch movies or something (I can grade and/or stitch and/or cut up Wonder Under at the same time). Tomorrow, repeat, but add more school shit and grocery shopping. Pick up my big quilt, which I can’t show you until July. Hmmm. I’ll show you details.

Probably go buy more Motrin. Headaches. Look at art deadlines and make some sort of flow chart, because I’m losing track of all of it. Start taxes. UGH. OK, also need to consider septic pump, new tires, and oil change. If we’re gonna go into the big yuck of life and home and car ownership, let’s just fucking go there. Yeah.

Now I need to add sitting on deck in lovely sun and drawing (I really don’t think I have time for that, but it sounds extraordinarily nice…more likely tomorrow, but it’s supposed to fucking rain again tomorrow). Walk dogs! Walking dogs in sun will work. And I forgot finish filling second greenery trashcan, plus cleaning up the rest of the leaves around the pool. Ha! OK. First morning cup of tea is partially ingested. I can semi-function now. It’s possible that I live by myself for a reason LOL.

*Depeche Mode, Enjoy the Silence

They Tell Me to Breathe Easy for a While*

I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t do anything Friday but teach and veg out really. Not really, but close enough. It happens. I’m a fan of giving oneself a break when one needs it, best one can. Sometimes the best thing you can do is go to bed early with a cup of tea and read a book. Not that I did that, but sometimes I do.

I have too many things I need to do this weekend. Yesterday I started with the quilting…wanting to be done with the background this weekend. And then I couldn’t stop. I was going to grade stuff first, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. So I didn’t. There’s three days. Surely I can force myself to grade at some point (ugh).

So I fixed the bits I hadn’t stitched down…and then started quilting the background.

img_2308-small

Trying to remember to not do it really small and tight…it’s not necessary on this quilt and it would take forever. It wasn’t always easy though…I broke two needles (probably going too fast) and a lot of thread. Sigh. It’s frustrating sometimes. I think I did about 3 1/2 hours or so…and got more than halfway around. So that’s a good sign for today.

img_2309-small

Because my goal for today is to finish…so after dental cleaning tomorrow, I can go to fabric store and buy yardage for binding. Seriously. It’s almost done. That snuck up on me.

I have the parental dog at the moment, on top of the other two. It’s OK…she entertains the little one.

img_2305-small

When she’s not lying on my floor.

I kept getting distracted while quilting. I need breaks every 45 minutes or so (yeah, I know, it’s supposed to be every 20 minutes, but whatever…I get on a roll)…so I was trying to find the stuff for this quilt. I had all the blocks and the stuff for the borders, but I couldn’t find the instructions until I stood motionless in my living room for about 10 minutes with my eyes closed, visualizing what I had done with it (taken it to stitch meeting to confer with other stitching people about how best to do the borders: attach before or after). Now it’s where it should be.

img_2306-small

Not that I have time to do anything about it. At least it’s organized. That helps.

I also tried organizing all the BOMs I have collected. Probably should stop collecting and finish them instead. Easier said than done.

img_2307-small

Anyway, eventually, each time, I would come back to quilting.

img_2311-small

With or without Kitten’s help.

img_2312-small

Well, hello. Get off the quilt.

img_2315-small

Mommy, you called me. Did not.

So then last night and this morning, I was trying to make sense of all the shows coming up, deadlines all over my head, images all over my brain…nasty nightmare last night that’s still in my head, but not relevant to ANY of this, dammit.

img_2318-small

Straight up, honestly, hard to focus. So I pulled up a calendar this morning on my phone and talked my way through it. “If I do this first, the drawing doesn’t exist, so I need that done by say Wednesday, and if I make that a 6-week quilt, which is one that’s a reasonable size and number of pieces, instead of the crazy-ass thing I’m currently doing, then I could finish it by this date, and that only leaves me this many weeks to finish that one, and that’s not gonna work, and then there’s this other show, and I would have nothing for it, and that’s my local group and I’m a juror/curator/someone in charge, so I want to have something for that, so that’s not gonna work. But what if I do this one and draw that one and then I’d have two of those for that, but no, that still doesn’t solve the problem of having a piece for that show.” Dammit. There’s so many political quilts in my head at the moment that I can’t focus at all. But that’s one thing I need to get through in my head right now. What to do next, with no fucking down time, which is fine, because down time is focused on bad shit and I don’t need that. I need to DO, to MAKE, to SOLVE.

You should go read what I wrote for Through Our Hands though. They approached me and asked me to write about censorship if I wanted, or just about my work. I kinda did both. And that’s where this next drawing was going…

I had had an idea back in November or October? for the local show and I didn’t write it down, but just held on to some piece of it in my head, so last night, while watching Raiders of the Lost Ark for the 17th time (still good, but not the female character…she sucks), I tried to draw it.

img_2325-small

So I’m not saying I can’t do this quilt…on a redraw…but this isn’t where I want the piece for this show to go. So I stopped. Right before the big money moment, yes. This is still a thing, it’s just way far fucking out from where I need to be right now. Ugh. So I quit.

And then had that conversation this morning. And then driving home, the entire drawing for the local show popped into my head, PING, repopulating itself as I drove. Seriously, my brain erased bits and then added more and then adjusted and drew more. I wish I could just download that. Well, I can. It’s called drawing. I’m afraid I’m going to lose it. The boychild gave me these artsy notebooks for Xmas. I used to have a small sketchbook for jotting shit like this down, and then got out of the habit. I’m back into it. It sits by the side of my bed or in the living room (I carry it around) and all these ideas get scrawled into it…words and sketches. So I put it in there…and it’s censorship. That’s where I needed to go. Sometimes my brain scares me with its ability to create shit out of almost nothing. Just random ideas and nothing else, and then there’s a picture, all the lines drawing as I watch, often while I’m driving, and it’s just there. Boom.

I know it’s years of practice. But it’s still cool.

The immigration one is in the notebook too…it’s fully drawn in my head too, but I don’t have a place in the schedule for it yet…maybe summer? We’ll see. Because there’s a fine line between making for one’s own self and making to get into shows. I’m always trying to find that balance. There are some this Spring that I’m just having to say no to…I can’t do everything. Shows and drawings.

Anyway. I need to draw today. I think I can do it in about 2-3 hours. Aack! Plus three hours of quilting and then grocery shopping and I thought walking dogs, although maybe that’s tomorrow at this point. Plus grading. Sheesh.

This is the book I’m supposed to be reading for school. Apparently Midnight was offended by it.

img_2322-small

Whoops. Seriously. It was the cat. Not me. I actually don’t mind Hattie…I just mind how my district is implementing it…by completely ignoring what he says about how it should be implemented. So they keep calling it Visible Learning, but they’re not actually doing it. They’re micromanaging. Oh well. Trying to keep my frustration low on that. Read the damn book, yell while I’m reading it. Trying to assume best intentions. It’s not worth more energy.

I didn’t stitch Friday, so I did two yesterday…the lazy daisy green leaves around Prosper, and then the blue flowers on them until I ran out of thread.

img_2326-small

Still trying to fill in. That’s 42 days. Still want to put a hand and a tree in. So gonna figure that out. Maybe not today.

Today…draw…quilt…shop…cook…clean (seriously. the floors.). But first? Man I’ve got a headache. Splitting. Weather? Probably. Gonna take meds and do the grocery list. Then get my focus on. Art brain demands it.

*Sara Bareilles, Love Song

I Know Who I Want to Take Me Home*

Well now I know the difference between concrete and cement…and more importantly, I know the history of concrete…because I have to teach about it…what’s funny is that for 4 hours, I was completely engaged with the content…unlike every single staff meeting and school district professional development thing I’ve been to all year. That was Saturday morning.

img_2181-small

Frustrating, eh? I didn’t get paid for THIS 4 hours, but it was way more interesting and useful than all the stuff I’m paid for. Yes, there is a 2-hour meeting this afternoon about 8 pages in a book. I don’t disagree with the book. I disagree with how my district is interpreting the book. Oh well. Bring a sketchbook. Try not to increase blood pressure. Just ignore the stupidity. Insert rant here about micromanaging professionals.

Some of my eucalypti were dropping branches in the last storm, so we made them look funny. Don’t worry…they come back.

img_2189-small

I wish tree trimmers were smarter. Oh well.

Then we spent part of the evening wandering a mall. I never go to malls if I can help it…but look! Sewing machines! And all the clothes in this store were black and grey…

img_2191-small

My kind of place.

Unlike this Hermés scarf…holy crap, that’s some color.

img_2192-small

Celebrating the new year…

img_2193-small

And part of a whale tail…

img_2194-small

I was so tired, I slept through the movie…it’s OK. If I’m that tired, it’s best if I sleep.

This is two days of stitching…the cretan stitch in green on the right with the fly stitch in blue.

img_2200-small

Sleepy puppy while I stitch.

img_2202-small

I was watching a show and wanted to finish watching before trying to quilt, so I cut and ironed some pieces while it finished. This is more of the Folk Tails BOM.

img_2203-small

It’s kind of a crazy BOM…lots of overlaps. Kind of a pain because of that.

And then I finally started quilting, after nothing all weekend. Sigh. I’m 7 or 8 hours into the outlining and not even halfway up the body.

img_2204-small

That said, I think there is less outlining and more background quilting in the top section. We’ll see…if it takes another 7-8 hours just to outline? This week is a clusterfuck of meetings and stuff before and after school, so it will be a challenge to get a lot done…

img_2205-small

But I did get SOME done yesterday…look how big it is!

img_2206-small

Holy crap. No wonder it feels like it’s taking forever. Anyway. My goal is to have all the quilting finished by the end of this coming weekend and get the binding on. Then maybe get it photographed by the following weekend and be started on the next one…which means drawing it. Which means no more trying to avoid drawing it or avoid quilting or just being too mentally tired to deal with any of it. Yeah, like I can proscribe that.

I shouldn’t really give myself so much shit. I wrote 4 pages about my quilting life for an article yesterday, plus packed two food boxes for the kids, entered a show I wasn’t even planning on entering (because I’m nuts like that), and who knows what else I did. Lots. Stuff and things. There’s just too much of it. That’s the word I associate with Sundays…Overwhelming. Always.

*Semisonic, Closing Time

It Doesn’t Matter if You Want It Back*

I didn’t post yesterday. I had a good reason. I also didn’t quilt on Wednesday. Good reason. And didn’t go to work for two days. Good reason, but I might have to do some damage control today, looking at what didn’t get turned in. I hate that. Teacher’s not there, can’t do my work. Frustrating. If teacher’s not there, there’s a damn good reason for it.

I did quilt last night for a bit…

img_2157-small

The machine is still quilting just fine. Who knows what that tension clusterfuck was about. I’m about 5 1/2 hours in…hopefully more tonight…the weekend is a little busy though. Probably only have 20 hours to go.

Here’s where I spent a good chunk of time the last two days. Grading stuff.

img_2145-small

So at least I got a bunch of that done…not enough…never enough.

For the year of stitch, I did two days in one…see? I didn’t even do two stitches…or did I? I stitched the whipped running stitch and then dropped some extra French knots in the flowers where the running stitch stopped and then filled in the ‘s’ with something…not split stitch. Aargh. Can’t remember the name.

img_2154-small

Stem stitch. That’s it. It needs a hand. Like an actual stitched hand.

Then I went to my stitching meeting last night and almost finished this block with the stuff in the center of the flower. I needed a marking pencil and some circle templates to do the last bit.

img_2155-small

I can’t find any marking pencils. Should have bought one when I was at JoAnns hell the other day. I know I have a circle template somewhere.

This is the 2nd block in the Folk Tails quilt. Those are warthogs. Aren’t they cute?

img_2158-small

They need eyeballs and tusks and hairy bits. All of which is coming. I was pretty braindead at some point last night, so I started tracing and cutting the Wonder Under for the next month of these. I actually have the first three months all sewn down, but not embroidered. The next few months, four months actually I think, are cut out, but not sewn down, so I figured I’d get the rest cut out. I really like this pattern…it’s funky. But I don’t have a lot of free time for these any more. Perhaps I should add to my daily stitch practice…must stitch something down on this quilt.

Anyway. I had some good ideas for the next quilt. It’s impossible to keep it from skewing politically. I can’t keep that shit out of my head. I’m sitting here trying to teach my students not to make claims without evidence that backs them up, and my government has decided that lying and making shit up is the new status quo. I hate this. Yes, there’s always been lying going on in government, but not like this. This is just plain crazy.

*Amanda Palmer, Want It Back

Watch It All Fall Down*

Some days, I get to the end of them, and it feels really good, really satisfying, mostly because I blasted through a bunch of stuff on the to-do list. I think my whole life is the to-do list sometimes. I’m driven. Sometimes to tears or insanity, but definitely driven.

It was a productive weekend (not for school, but that place eats up too much of my time anyway). I spent most of Saturday afternoon, evening, and night finishing the stitch down on the newest quilt. I spent a lot of time fighting tension issues with the machine, but for the last 2 1/2 hours, it stopped. Proof that it’s crazy. So at some point, even though I was tired (over 5 hours of stitching), I just kept going because (a) I wanted it to be done and (b) I was afraid if I left it for Sunday, it would start fucking up again and I just couldn’t deal with that.

img_2057-small

Sometime around dinner time, I took a break from stitching down though…and did two days of a year of stitches…the yellow french knot flowers above Long and the purple flowers around the P.

img_2064-small

That’s a month of work, basically. This piece of fabric might not be big enough. Huh.

I was waiting for the pizza guy. No, I didn’t plan for Saturday dinner. Don’t ask. I thought I might have other plans. So I kept working on this one until he showed up. It’s almost done.

img_2065-small

It’s the first block of Sue Spargo’s Folk Tails, started a long time ago. Sigh. I like the hand-stitching part of these…not so much the finishing though. I have one that is ready to be quilted and one that is ready to be pieced and borders put on…and this one is from two years ago? I think. I love her stuff, but without soccer games to waste time at, I don’t do as much of it as I used to. I’m more inclined to grade papers if I have time in a waiting place.

Then I got back to stitching. This is when it started being much smoother…about an hour in.

img_2066-small

I finished around 11:30 PM.

img_2067-small

What a relief. The machine was being a pain.

This is Sunday’s year of stitches…the green little plants in the middle. They’ll get flowery bits too.

img_2071-small

This is how it ends up on the couch when it’s cold. Kathy sandwich.

img_2076-small

I only just persuaded the cat to get off my lap so I could sew.

Then came the hard work of the day. I pieced, ironed, and taped the backing to the floor. I had realized around 4 that I had no piece of batting big enough, so I kamikazed to JoAnns and bought that and thread for quilting. I thought ahead! Then after dinner with the parentals, I finished drying the batting, which I had washed quickly…and then ironed the front. It was too big. I knew I’d be trimming like 6 inches off each dimension, so I did it beforehand, so I wouldn’t waste time and fabric quilting all that extra crap that I was gonna cut off eventually anyway.

img_2078-small

And then I pinbasted it. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would.

img_2086-small

I started around 10:15 and was done around 11. It’s currently measuring 56″ x 92″. I think that’s the longest quilt I’ve ever made. I warned my photographer. His eyes went a little wide.

Anyway, it’s such a relief to now be ready for the quilting stage. And as for the tension, it was freakishly perfect during the straight stitching…so I’m wondering if this machine just doesn’t like the new invisible thread. Except it started doing this on the last quilt a little, which was the old invisible thread (different brand). I honestly think it just needs some adjustment. My machine guy said I had to bring it in once a year to stay in his warranty, and I will do that, but I suspect with the amount of quilting I’ve been doing, that it needs more adjustment than that. We’ll see how the quilting goes, starting tonight. I’m expecting the quilting to take more than 20 hours, so no way am I finishing this week. And with a 4-hour class on Saturday, the weekend is kind of a mess too. Oh well. It will be enough to get started and try to get 2-3 hours done a night. And hopefully start drawing the next one.

I’m revising goals left and right. All the solo show stuff needs to be done and photographed by April 28. Oh shit. OK. I got this. There’s an immigrant quilt in my head too, as of the crazy of the last two days. I have to say it’s at times like this when I really love my country, coming out in support of those being detained in airports, of governors and senators showing up in airports and demanding release, of judges doing the right thing, of people yelling loud, of McCain and Graham, Lindsey Graham for gosh sakes, standing up for our people. I never thought I’d have a positive thing to say about that man, but there it is. So yeah, this quilt is huge in my head, YUGE, but I don’t have time to draw that right now! So I’m writing notes about what’s in there, sketching out some stuff. For later this year.

When the boychild was a baby, he loved the Natalie Merchant album with the song below on it (Tigerlily)…he had colic and would scream and cry for 2 or 3 hours every night. I would stand and rock him to this album. I wonder if he remembers the songs.

*Natalie Merchant, San Andreas Fault