MMMMMmmmmm. Imagine an irritable, tired growl with a guttural scratchy losing-my-voice catch to it. Not even sure what letters of the alphabet go with that. Mghmghmghmgh? Something like that. I’m not one of those gratitude people, but I try to think of positive things each day when it’s really hard (code: it’s really hard right now). The kids are…um…challenging. Doing state test review sucks. Trying to come up with stuff for the kids to do after testing but while I’m gone and before sex ed is stressful (although I had a minor breakthrough last night after working from 8 AM to 8 PM…you should try it sometime. Not.). Trying to manage departmental things without my co-chair…fuck me. I might crawl into a hole next year. Certainly this year I say no no no a lot and it doesn’t seem to help. So yeah. Behind on grading still too. And exhausted. Not sleeping. Just my brain…the same brain that is still seeing that swirling cabbage, that gets to call radiology today because it’s been two weeks and they haven’t called me yet to set up a brain MRI. I’ve never put my head in an MRI. I do have some claustrophobic issues. I also meditate well. I think I need blood tests before that test and blood tests before the surgery, but within certain time constraints. Ugh. My head hurts. Ironically. I’m supposed to be keeping a migraine diary but I don’t have migraines…I just have stress headaches and overwork headaches and body needs a massage headaches.

So that’s me this Wednesday. The first two days of the week seem to kick my ass. I wrote more referrals this week in those two days than I’ve written in the last two months. I’ve had two middle-school boy apologies, one stoned-out mumbling complaint and then acknowledgement, and one tantrum on Instagram (he was, not me) that concluded with my telling him to put his head down as I walked away with his computer. Let’s be clear…these kids are going to high school in three months. And they’re acting like 5-year-olds. I get it. Testing is hard. Growing up is hard. But so is dealing with their shit. 21 days. 21 days of my trying to feed my sanity with art and books and apparently yardwork. Yesterday, it was weed whacking, which is surprisingly restorative. So is watering and seeing monarch caterpillars…or protea blooming…or the new bushes I planted thriving. All good.

So. Art. The planter finally got to leather hard a week after the class (note to self for future reference…make it earlier). And I got the tool I needed in the mail, so Monday, I continued carving. I started in class, just did the basic outline of the face and arms. I haven’t finished carving out the background, so there’s still stuff that needs to happen.

But I’m really enjoying this. It’s really just drawing on clay.

You can draw in pencil first, because it will burn off in the kiln, but I didn’t. I just drew with the carving tool.

I see today that there are more details I could add before the next step, which would be adding color in. But realistically, this isn’t something I could sell easily. That’s over three hours so far in making the pot and carving, and I’m nowhere near done.

Carving vertically is a challenge. I did hold it a few times to get a part done, but it’s heavy. Definitely logistics for clay are very different than for fabric.

Definitely enjoying the process though. My brain has to work everything out inside it before I do it, so I’ll be driving to work, mentally working out how to paint this thing. I guess the pro is that I won’t get dementia because I’m overthinking everything under the sun. I don’t think my brain ever stops. Hence lack of sleep, right?

I did finally start cutting out the big quilt. She has a deadline now. Not that it changes how I’ve been working…an hour a night, sometimes more.

Thanks, Simba, for the assist. I set a little goal every week, every night. I want it all cut out and sorted before I leave for Maine next week. I figure an hour to cut out each yard (sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less) and there were 7 yards, so 7 nights? Plus a couple hours of sorting. Should be cut out by Monday, should be sorted by Wednesday. Easy peasy.

Thanks, Nova, for keeping that hip warm. You know, I worked until 9:30 PM last night…not 8. I even worked while I was cooking dinner…this after teaching a lesson on the negative impacts of multitasking in advisory yesterday. Whatever. Reality sometimes means doing more than one thing at a time. I can record videos while the food is cooking, before the next step. It’s true I forgot to empty the dishes out of the sink, but I did it later, after complaining happened.

Whatever. OK. Today. More tea. Definitely. I saw 12:49 AM last night. I must have fallen asleep eventually, but then I saw 4:45 AM too. So we’re thriving!!! Hmmm. Mghmghmgh. Maybe it’s Grhmgrhmgrhm. I don’t know.

Finish planning egg drop stuff. Make a table of contents for this stupid last packet of stuff I don’t even want to grade (and might not…don’t tell the kids). Probably meet and fix a bunch of things that sit on me until I shove them off. Play Blooket with the kids (although I need to edit that before school starts…ha! Maybe not). Call for a brain MRI. Not scary at all. Go to pilates. Good for the body. Good for the brain. Work some more (ugh). Not my night to cook, so do the dishes. We need a palate cleanser after watching Baby Reindeer…train wreck that. Ugh. Something funny but not stupid funny would be good. Or heartwarming. What a concept. Then cut some more pieces out. Read my book somewhere in there. Gotta finish it by Wednesday…maybe sooner. I think the library loan is up sooner. Double ugh. It’s a slow start so far. Someone was murdered 20 years ago. Not sure when she’ll get to the point.

Owls! No babies. But parents. And lots of threat noises last night.

It makes me sad that there are no babies…that’s at least two that have died. But they haven’t given up…