Mahna Mahna*

Ah. Hello morning. Painful. Yesterday. Sheesh. I’ll talk about it later. It could have been worse. Currently the little yappy dog is barking at the Mexican parrots in the trees outside. OR there’s a mountain lion at the door. Let me check. Nope. Just parrots.

So with yesterday being a bit more crazy and stressful than usual, I came home and eventually got the dogs harnessed up and walked for three miles. Sometimes that’s what you have to do for sanity. Just walk out the toxic shit. So I did.

And then I came back and graded for a while, because grades are due next week, and besides, I’m a teacher, and all we do is lesson plan and grade stuff. Oh yeah. And teach.

My brain was mush. Truly. I thought about drawing. Nope. Brain not into it. I thought about starting to trace Wonder Under, but I was physically tired, so standing sounded painful. I came in here and submitted the coloring book for review. And then I remembered the owl. Poor thing. He’s been lying around for ages, waiting for a human interaction.

Seriously, I’ve had the background fabric since August. And this is a commission and she’s very patiently allowed me to get other shit done. So last night, I ironed him down…

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I should tell you, this guy is tiny…maybe 8 or 9″ across.

Then I stitched him down.

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It’s so nice to work on a small easy project after a big complicated one. Everything is so fast and easy.

Then I sandwiched and pinbasted…

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And then I acknowledged my tiredness and went to bed.

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So he’s ready to be quilted…although I don’t think I have the right thread for the background, so I’ll have to think about that. I don’t have time to get any today…so it will have to be tomorrow.

This spider was attached to the outside of my car (apparently…I didn’t see it when I got in) from school all the way to my ex’s house, where I pick up the dog. When I was driving, he was being thrown around so much that I thought he was dead. I’m calling it a he? That level of strength…obviously a she.

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I’m fascinated by spiders, but they do creep me out. In the house, they die…by cat or puppy or shoe or water. I don’t care. I protect my boundaries (yes, I know they are still here, living in the corners, but if I SEE one…that’s it.). But this one, I took a stick and gently knocked her off my car (at my ex’s house…not mine) and let her live, because first of all, I just drove her 3 miles away from her first home (unless she was on my car from my house to school as well) and second, because she’s tough as hell for surviving that ride. She deserves another chance. But not on my car.

*Cake…or the Muppets…or Sesame Street, Mahna Mahna

There Is Freedom Within…*

Yeah, a late post from me. But the dog was barking from 4:30 AM on, so I was barely alive this morning, and I chose to spend about 5 hours of nonawake time trying to finish up the feminist coloring book I’m putting together for one of my art groups. It’s ALMOST there. Holy fuck, it has taken a ton of fussy little changes, probably things only I would notice, and there’s still one issue, maybe two, I can’t get to go away (I hate you, Word)…and I apparently need to color the cover…or part of it…but it’s almost done! Yay!

I didn’t iron last night. And I’m coming down with a cold or something, so I feel like warmed-up crap at the moment, but at least now I know why I was having those really violently scary hot and cold flashes Thursday…I thought menopause or the diabetes were going haywire, but no…it was just my body trying to beat the virus into submission that some kid gave me as a special gift. Thanks kid. I so rarely get sick…I guess that shows how stressed I’ve been.

So I ironed this afternoon. I was on a mission. I needed it done. I just wanted to see it all together…so I finished all the little tiny pieces in the clouds…

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Then I ironed the upper torsos to the last figure’s head…

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And I positioned the land/water pieces on either side of them…

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It got a little fussy when I tried to fit the lower torso in. It’s never perfect, but you can stretch things a bit and make them fit.

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I try to build in enough overlap so that there won’t be holes, but sometimes there are. I’m not perfect. So then the bottom piece went in…

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And then I laid it out on the background fabric and tried to get it ironed down flat. I have to iron it twice…once to get everything placed right, and twice to spray it with water and really try to get it to stick. It doesn’t stick forever though, so I will be stitching it down. I wanted to be doing that today, but I haven’t felt well all day and I’m also really tired (thanks, puppy).

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She’s taller than I am. But all ironed down.

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I think she’s about 42″ wide by about 77″ tall. Remind me to check my batting stash. Actually with a long skinny one like that, odds are I have a random piece that will work. It’s the big, mostly square ones that are the biggest issue.

Hallelujah. Stitch down tomorrow and maybe sandwich. I don’t know…I have a bunch of school stuff to do as well, so I have to kind of analyze and prioritize my time. I probably should have (for work) stayed home last night, but for my sanity, sometimes I do go hang out with humans. Time is still tight on this piece. I can’t afford to waste time. But I really like it too. I’m glad. It’s nice when I like them.

So now I just have to stay well enough to be able to sit and sew. At least I’m through the standing stage…that will help. Over 17 hours, by the way, to iron it together. When did I start? Sunday? Oh yeah, but I had a holiday in there. That helps. I may be blowing off some social events this week. Maybe. Thinking. My priorities…

*Crowded House, Don’t Dream It’s Over

Save Tonight*

Gotta write this fast…totally forgot about a meeting this morning. I don’t like those early meetings. They throw me off. I need a certain number of minutes to function well, and it’s not enough unless I get up earlier, which I of course forgot to do, because when I finally made it into the room where all the art occurs (OK, there’s more than one room where that happens, but just go with it for now), I didn’t want to leave until I was done. But NO…those tiny pieces were not ironing together quickly (duh), so there was no way I was finishing last night, even though I worked for two hours.

I did finish the face first…I always iron the eyes separately, so I can make sure they aren’t wonky when I put them on…and as for the Tlingit imagery, I was born in Alaska and have this weird sort of overwhelming reaction to their art, to the graphic nature of it. I wonder if it was being held up to totem poles and lodges as a baby that sort of imprinted on my brain. Plus I’m not a religious person, so when I think of protective spirits (which she is), I think outside the box of what most Americans think of as protection. So the thought of a protective spirit animal of sorts, of the connection to nature as well…I’m more inclined toward those images than the standard Christian images of Jesus and/or God. Or any god really. Those are very masculine images and feelings, and that doesn’t feel protective to me…which is interesting if you look at the rest of this quilt, because the protective figure in front of this one is in fact male…but not very Jesus-like.

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So there she is, ready for the clouds behind her.

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It’s hard to see them on a white background, but they’re there…

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And then I made all these tiny things, like this woman in a gas mask, to go in them…

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And that’s where I gave up…with about 50 pieces to go. Seriously. So close to done.

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But it was late and I was tired and honestly not feeling totally well. Sore throat this morning, dammit. It could just be overuse…or some form of allergies, because I do get that every Fall, but I don’t have time for that shit.

Some nuclear power plant towers, an oil spill, three graves, and a river full of pollution and dead fish. You know, like you do.

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More tonight.

These came yesterday. My dad funded their purchase, because mom wanted one. And he wants me to send one to my brother, who describes my quilts as vjuilts (vagina quilts). Not in a bad way.

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I’m happy to have these…even happier to have the extra BadAss Quilters Society pins she sent. Woo hoo!

OK. School. But you know what I’m doing tonight.

*Eagle Eye Cherry, Save Tonight

I’m Not Gonna Crack*

Unhhhnhhh. That’s what this morning feels like. Maybe a little Arrrggggghhh as well. But mostly Unnhhhnhhhh. The whole day feels like that when I do that morning review of what I need to do. Sure, the first cup of tea has not been ingested yet. That might help. Was it yesterday? Did I not get enough done last night? Did some hellish things happen? No. That’s not it. I did a ton of school stuff and went to the gym and then started ironing. Pretty damn effective. No sitting on the couch and staring at a TV or a phone.

I would have liked to get more ironing done, but I think that’s always the case. I laid out the 1000s, but I haven’t finished the 900s…I finished the last figure’s arms. Shit. I didn’t even do 100 pieces last night, I think. Sigh.

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Then I took the other two figures and ironed them into the center of that circle. That was a bit fussy. Sometimes I have to uniron things and move things around a bit. Even stretch fabric to make things fit. And it’s hard when the piece is bigger than the ironing board. I’ve been known to iron on the floor. Explains why the floor is damaged, I guess. So that’s three torsos right there.

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I thought about trying to fit that onto the lower torsos last night, but it was getting late and that sounded complicated. I didn’t have much brain power left at that point. It was late.

So I started on the fourth figure’s head. I didn’t get super far. Well, those trees had a goodly chunk of pieces in them. She looks uber-creepy without a face. Who knows…maybe she’ll look just as creepy with one. So that’s all that’s left…her face, the clouds (with 100 pieces of stuff going on in them), and then iron the big pieces together and onto a background. Piece o’ cake. Haha.

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I would have gotten further if I hadn’t done all the school work, but honestly, I can’t blow all of that off every night. My prep periods are getting eaten up by planning for the next unit, so I can’t get anything else done. It’s really time-consuming. Plus next week is crazy for school, so I’m trying to get ahead of it. And that’s amusing, because as a teacher, I’m never ahead of it. I can run as fast as I can, and it’s still right there, underfoot, tripping me up. September really is a survival month for teachers. Like June, but without vacation at the end of it.

Trying to keep my head above water. The plus is that hopefully I can get this thing ironed down soon…maybe trying to get it done tonight is a bit much, but certainly tomorrow? Then the stitch down. This is big, but not huge. Big quilts take about 10 hours to stitch down. So less than that. I think I might still be able to get it sandwiched this weekend. I should check my batting stash though. I know I have enough to piece a backing, but batting for something this long might be an issue. I feel like I just bought a chunk of batting though. So maybe that problem is already solved.

So I’m almost all the way through the first cup of tea and it’s still Unnhnnnh. Laughing to myself. Because today might be a bit of a challenge at school…lab day. You give them equipment and sometimes stupid stuff just happens. Like I told my co-teacher, at some point yesterday, I’m like “Drop everything and step away from the lab table…hands in the air,” because you put this stuff in front of them and their brains stop working. All they can do is play with the stuff. “Put ALL the rulers down. Now. Before someone gets hurt.” I remember about 10 years ago when I was in a teaching program where we had to videotape ourselves teaching and I went back and watched the lesson and EVERY kid had a ruler and was doing something with it besides measuring something or drawing a straight line with it. I don’t know what it is about them, but they twirl them and try to bend them and flail around with them, and if you watch the video, you wonder how anyone teaches anything to middle-school kids EVER. Because that. I’m sure they wonder why we get so crazy about their behavior. I need a room spray that helps them focus on something besides pencil leads and lab equipment. None of them will remember how to USE it today after yesterday’s lesson. But whatever.

So that’s what today will be like, and hopefully I can keep a sense of humor about it (it would help if I were less tired)…because honestly that’s how I survive most of what they do. I think to teach this age group you have to be just a little bit nuts.

*Nirvana, Lithium

Try as Hard as You Can*

I do most of my artwork at night. Occasionally I can work on a weekend afternoon, and during my breaks from school, it’s more common to find me working during the day, ironing or cutting or tracing. But in reality, I’m a night owl. Mornings are not productive for me. It takes me about 2 hours of being awake before I’m ready to talk to people (I talk to animals at all hours). Being a teacher means I usually have to talk before I’m really ready, but that also means I really understand those kids who are at half mast in 1st period. I also flail in the afternoon…basically from 2-6 PM, I’m mostly useless. Except I can still teach. Because you have to, I guess. I can iron then. Sew sometimes. Mostly I start artmaking after dinner and then go until I should really be asleep…until all of you are asleep. The thing is, I suck at falling and staying asleep too. Although I think the latter is sometimes only noise-related. I’m a light sleeper. And my brain doesn’t like to turn off for sleep. Melatonin doesn’t work. It’s art brain. It’s not happy that it gets tuned out during the whole workday. It wants more of my time.

I try to give it big giant chunks. Like last night, I had a plan, but it got side-tracked. And then it was 10 PM. So I did almost two hours, but then I have to head to bed or significantly suffer the next day. Art brain whines. Ugh. I tell it I will give it more tonight. It’s sulking. I give it more tea. It wants to go back to bed. I’m with it. I also want to go back to bed. But that’s not an option, because work. The other work. The pay-the-bills work…that I totally blew off last night. I need to do a vocab page plus grade shit, and eh. Last night? No way. But I am so tired this morning…and I know I slept better than the night before, when Simba barked with his brothers, the coyotes, for a good 45 minutes. Asshole. Seriously. That’s one of his nicknames…Mr. Barkypants and Asshole. Too bad for us that he is also sweet and adorable on occasion. Last night he tried to eat soap. Apparently it did not taste good.

So starting at 10…I gave the second male figure a head, hands, and the other arm (but not a penis). Those hands were easy.

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Then I started ironing the arms of the last figure, number 4, who is behind all the others…mostly hidden.

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It was easier to do that with the rest of the ironed bits out of the way. I have two of these big teflon sheets for ironing. They’re not cheap, and I have to keep them away from the cats who like to chew plastic, but I have definitely used them enough to make it worth it. Some tools are just non-negotiable.

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The hands were a pain because the fingers overlap. It will be easier to see that when it’s stitched. But you can see where the other part I just ironed will fit right on top of that. And then the lower torsos will go underneath, with the land on either side and the water below. So I currently have 5 large pieces of the image ironed together. Really, all I have left to do is the top right part of the arm, then the head of the 4th figure, and the clouds above her head (which have about 200 small pieces of stuff in them). And then iron it all to a background.

I’m not finishing tonight. There’s at least 300 pieces…that’s at least three hours. And I need to go to the gym tonight. But I can get a lot of it done tonight and then hopefully finish tomorrow? Maybe? I got nothing else going on (please don’t look at the pile of stuff to be graded…which will be significantly worse next week when Unit 1 gets turned in). Aack. Yeah. Be efficient at work today.

The dogs were rampantly annoying last night. I love them, but sometimes they are very needy beasts. Calli was adamant that this bone was hers…and hers alone.

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I played fetch for a while with Simba, but then Calli wanted to play. That worked for a while, until Simba wouldn’t bring back the other ball…he would just race after Calli. And then Midnight wanted attention (she doesn’t fetch). So I’m sitting on the floor with three out of the four house animals.

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I know I’m the only person here, guys…but maybe you could get attention one at a time.

Anyway, you’ve heard my plan for getting this thing ironed down. Seriously, though, people always ask how I get so much done. Well, first of all, besides the furry beasts, I live alone most of the time. And I don’t socialize much. Hermit! But even when the kids were home all the time, I always set goals…quarterly goals, monthly goals, weekly goals, daily goals. Part of my sitting here and typing every morning is a way to tell myself what I want to…what I EXPECT to get done today. And then I don’t mope around when I don’t get it all done…I just set a new goal. Adjust it. I have high expectations…and failure is normal. It’s a minor blip. OK, so I didn’t iron for three hours last night…but I did two. That’s more than most people.

With that, I need to get off to the other job. And finish this cup of tea, because I still don’t feel awake. Remotely.

*Depeche Mode, Shake the Disease

And if I Was Stronger…*

There are people who probably exit a 3-day weekend with a sense of relaxation and repose. I am not one of them. I am pleased with what I got done, but wish (always) it was more. Wish I could move time a bit. Although if I could move it a bit, I’d probably move it a lot, and then it would always be Spring Break…not Winter Break, because Christmas and all the holiday stuff is hellish. Not Summer Break, because it’s too hot here. Yesterday was delightful. I had to put a sweater on at one point. It was the precursor to Fall, except here that’s a joke because our summers come in September and October, so the hot hell just hasn’t hit yet. But I enjoyed it while it was here. Not by going outside, unfortunately…I did work all weekend. I wish now that I had hiked a bit.

Mostly I ironed…I got the bottom part of the three larger torsos done and in the boat, with the cat and the smaller figure in front. It’s hard to tell them apart at this point…but the quilting and inking will help with that.

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In fact, the overlapping figures makes this a pain to iron as well. I originally numbered the front figure first, and then back…and it would have made more sense to do the back one first. What I’m doing is ironing from multiple numbered bins as I go, filling in from the back to the front. This makes it hard to know how much I have done.

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The front figure is the smallest, but has the most visible detail.

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And the arms aren’t making it easy either. I don’t really think about ease of MAKING while I’m drawing. I just count on my ability to figure it out. So in this section, I finished the 400s, did most of the 500s, but also have 600s, 700s, and 800s scattered around in there..

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I like to know how much I have done…it helps me figure out how much there is left. Not happening with this one.

I had to iron the face separately, because I couldn’t see all the parts well enough in the middle of all those other pieces. The teeth were the main issue.

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Then once the front figure was done, I started in on the one behind her.

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Yeah, she looks scared. But I don’t think it’s because of him. I think he’s trying to help. She’s just not getting any real comfort out of that. I’m gonna have a lot of fun trying to explain this one. Yup. Another dream.

Anyway, so I’m into the 600s now, but almost done with them…just his head, I think. Then I’ve already done some of the 700s. So I know I’m more than halfway through, which is good, because I’m over 10 hours in (in two days) and I want this thing ironed down to the background this week. And stitched down by the end of the weekend. In fact, it would be ideal if this were a quilt sandwich by next Monday. Is that possible? Well, of course it is. Although life always ALWAYS gets in the way. The question is, how badly? We shall see. I set goals, people, so I can break them or make them. If I don’t set them, the work doesn’t happen.

The girlchild posted this over the weekend. The boychild and I are pointing out the three peaks…Cuyamaca, Middle, and Stonewall. This is from the Sunset Trail hike in the Lagunas this summer, the one that apparently almost killed the girlchild. The one where I remembered I need to carry chocolate…really GOOD chocolate…on every hike with her.

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I did a lot of this over the last two days. He needs it. It’s blurry because he never stops moving except when he’s asleep.

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And I graded a bunch…although only one long torturous assignment. Midnight was absolutely no help.

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And the laundry had this lone sock. Not mine. Boychild says it doesn’t help, although it is his.

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This is kind of my life right now. The one left-behind sock. Yeah, the long weekends are hard. I don’t have time to go out and socialize, but my head doesn’t do well with all the alone time. I had a shitload of work to do, so I was busy, but not busy enough. It is what it is. And now it’s the “work” week. Because I don’t work all the time. Amusing.

*Ingrid Michaelson, Sort of

Sweet Freedom Whispered in My Ear*

So I didn’t get as far Saturday as I wanted to. Shit happens. Basically whatever I SAY I’m going to get done on a Saturday is never going to happen. I suck at Saturdays. But I did get all the pieces sorted into bins…by 100s. It makes it easier to deal with a 1200-piece quilt.

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There’s about 140 pieces of rock in the bottom section.

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So I did that yesterday afternoon. Ironed them all together…

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It’s very calming and relaxing to do this part, the ironing. Enough of my brain is engaged in the process that everything else just sort of wanders away. Plus the quilt finally shows up, the image finally comes together.

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I finished the rocks before I went to my parents’ for dinner, and then came back and kept going. Were there other things I needed to be doing? Well yeah, there were. Thanks for reminding me. I’m a little panicked about all that right now.

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Then I went up one side…

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And the other. These sections are pretty easy to iron: big pieces, not a lot of detail. They go together quickly.

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The rest of the quilt will not be so easy, unfortunately. From here on out there are a lot of overlapping body parts.

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But the cat and the boy…they’re not so bad.

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See, here’s where it gets wiggy. The boat is in there too. There are four figures all behind each other. So I’m starting with the ones in front…because that’s how I numbered it. Now I’m wondering if that was the most logical way to do it…but it’s what I did, so I’ll just keep going.

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So the original drawing is behind the teflon sheet, and I iron right on there, using it as a pattern. All the pieces have Wonder Under on them, so they stick pretty good. They seem to stick better when I accidentally iron something in the wrong place. I don’t know why that is. Anyway, I got about halfway through the 400s. I’m hoping to do more today, but I do have to do some other stuff too. Cleaning and schoolwork and some stuff for an art group I’m in. So I can’t do what I want, which is start ironing now, briefly stop for some meals, and iron until it’s done. Oh well. That’s what being an artist is like, really. Fit it in around the job that pays the bills. Put off cleaning the floors. Don’t just sit on the couch watching TV. It takes willpower to do that. And I guess I have plenty of that.

So Abby Glassenberg (who interviewed me for her article on AQS’s bad social media decisions) did a podcast with Maddie Kertay (who is currently showing my two banned quilts in her store Spool in Chattanooga, Tennessee). The podcast is here.

My two quilts are hanging at Spool right now…

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This is kind of exciting…I mean, I’m glad to see them again. It’s been a while. And um. Well. Fuck you AQS. Really. And thank you Maddie and all the other people who are supporting this craziness. The GOOD crazy. The support for the quilts. The work. The art. The artist.

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I appreciate it. So stop by and see them, buy some fabric, and maybe pick up some of these…

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Because they’re awesome. Maybe take a photo with the pin or the quilts (Melly Testa’s quilt will be there too! And it has a penis in it!) and hashtag it…I don’t know what? #wheresthepenis? The AQS show is in a week and a half. We have time to figure that shit out.

Saw this while going to art exhibits Saturday night. The lefthand side is the shadow…

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OK. I need to eat something and then get to work, so I can iron later. Make more work.

*Elton John, Someone Saved My Life Tonight

Tell Me Why It’s So*

Hey. First Friday of the school year. I’ve almost survived the first week. It’s gonna be a challenging year. Which is why I’ve come home every single day and launched myself into artmaking as soon as I could. I’ve walked dogs and gone to the gym and done some ball throwing and general lying on the floor so dogs could check in, but mostly, I’ve come home and made art. Luckily there’s been food in the fridge, so I haven’t had to do a lot of cooking.

And some time Wednesday night, my brain released most of the crap about AQS and their statement (I had already released the censorship part…it’s just irritating stupid crap that I will keep running into as long as I make the art that’s in my head). I’m in serious Fuck You mode on all of it now. I briefly considered making a quilt of a certain AQS high muckymuck with a penis coming out of her head, and then I grew up and continued on.

OK. I still have that image in my head, but I don’t have to make that quilt. Honestly, I don’t have time. And I don’t care enough about it to do that. I have a million other deadlines I’m dealing with right now, and I want those quilts NOT to be reactions to this, although the censorship angle…it works for a show I’m hoping to be in next Spring. So maybe that’s where I go. I was going that direction anyway. Honestly, so much of my work is feminist and/or based on women’s lives and experiences, that all this focus on a penis that was never there is kind of a slap in the feminist face. Or a highly amusing, ironic event that got my work some eyeballs they otherwise wouldn’t have gotten. So there we are. Come for the imaginary penis! Stay for the real art!

This is how I keep my head straight. Well, as straight as it ever is.

Yeah, I saw SAQA’s statement. I saw it ahead of time. I honestly think they are trying to make all this work. I really really don’t want them to pull the whole exhibit because of this. And I am still concerned, because I think my work will still be an issue…and I know that because it’s pretty recognizable, there are probably jurors who will see it and think, um, do I want a Nida quilt in this show? And they’ll decide no. But they probably would have said no anyway. So thanks to the jurors who say yes. And I’m OK with the jurors who say no because it doesn’t fit. Because that happens. But yeah, the gut is still concerned. The brain has a tiny bit that worries all the time. Well. A not-so-tiny bit. I’ve told it to shut up and have a margarita and get back to me when it wants to worry about real shit, like paying for college.

I do exhibit in art shows too…but that’s a challenge as well. So. I guess I’m up for some more challenges. Bring it.

If it seems like I’m ironing all the time at the moment, it’s because I am. I have not organized this for two days. Wait. That’s not true. I organized it right before I started ironing because I couldn’t find anything.

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And it’s messy again. That’s my real issue with cleaning.

Kitten sat in the box and squished all the pieces down. I kicked her out, turned around, and she was back in it. Sigh. So it looks like less than yesterday, but I did all that detail stuff…hearts and veins and tattoos and lungs and hair and I don’t even know what else. A knife.

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I still have a rocket to do (they keep showing up in the last few quilts)…and the top part of the main figure’s face, because it’s not flesh colored. And then the clouds and everything (fucking tiny pieces) in them. So I realized this morning I really only have about 150 pieces left. I can do that. Not right now. Even though I’m already exhausted. And it’s morning and I have to get through a Friday with 140 7th graders on their first real lab day. Yeah. I’ll be FRESH when I get home. And after I go hang out with gamer buddies and maybe play games. Uh huh. No really. I usually do work on Friday nights too.

It’s a big quilt. Not as big as the last one. Taller than I am. Not that that means much.

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My students make cover pages for each science unit, and I always do one too. The girlchild says this is weirder than usual. The snake happened because I had this empty space and the kids said, “you’ve been talking about snakes getting loose all week…where’s your snake?” So I drew one. But he was up in the air, so he needed wings. And then he was too fat in the middle, so he must have just eaten. Probably shouldn’t fly so soon after eating.

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I kept calling the mad scientist female, and they were convinced it was a man. Oh my. Well we will have to change some of that shit this year. Yes children. Girls SCIENCE. That’s why she has pink pants. Because I would never wear pink pants, but in their minds, a male never would either, so they HAVE TO SEE HER as a woman. And I didn’t even give her boobs and a uterus. Ha! Yes. I think that hard about what I teach and how I teach it.

So today, we will science. And hopefully I will have more patience than yesterday.

The dogs aren’t helping. This is a brief moment of quiet truce. Otherwise it’s been chaos.

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I love making art. I love drawing. I love picking fabrics. I love ironing it all together and seeing the image appear. I love adding the stitching line and waiting for the official photographs. I love coming home almost every night and coming in here to iron or sew, or sitting on the couch with a pile of pieces that need to be cut out or with a binding that needs sewing. That’s the shit I need to remember. I love all that more than I love mailing it off for a show. Really. I do.

Thanks again for all the comments. I’m buried and overwhelmed with trying to answer all of them, but know that I’ve seen them. And they mean something to me.

*Tom Waits, Tell Me

Living Life Gets Hard to Do*

In a different place today, in my head. Those late-night conversations I have while I’m trying to fall asleep don’t help. Last night was better, because I know I am just going to keep making art the way I do, drawing what I want (I can’t tell you how many people are demanding I do more penises now…and if they come up? That’s fine. Come up…heh heh heh…see, I AM a middle-school teacher. But I really am gonna just draw like I normally do, without all y’all watching over my shoulder), making the quilts that I want, trying to meet all my deadlines. That’s what I need to focus on. Not the crazy. Hear the good and ignore the bullshit that major companies make up to make themselves look better (by the way, AQS, it didn’t work. I still think you suck. And I’m not the only one. You didn’t count on some introverted antisocial quilter from East County being louder than you. Thank you, internet.).

Whatever. Actually, some part of me wants to enter every AQS show from now until I die, but I don’t have a lot of extra money and I don’t want any of it going to them. I’ve never entered an AQS show. I don’t plan to start now.

SAQA has contacted me, and they’ll release a statement soon. I think they really are trying to change some of the stuff that has not been great in the past. I think one of the best things about this was the people on the floor at Grand Rapids who took a picture of my quilt and were showing it to the viewers and telling them it was banned. That warms my heart.

Someone asked about my exhibition plan…and I always have one. I always enter some, like Art Quilt Elements (got into that this year), Quilt National, Visions (those are always long shots), Quilts=Art=Quilts. I don’t always get in. I look for the SAQA shows that are going to travel, especially the museum ones. I don’t even enter the regular IQF show. I can’t enter my local quilt show, because they have some clause about “family friendly” or whatever it is now. I don’t live in a particularly progressive county. We have a SAQA regional show in a local performing arts center, and it’s always a toss up as to whether I’ll have work that can show there…I didn’t this year. I don’t always plan to have a smaller no-naked quilt lying around. So none of this was expected. I live sort of on the edge of quilt world and art world.

I’m trying to get this next quilt done, despite all this and the stuff at school and dealing with the kids being gone and the herd of dogs I’m now managing. It’s a better place for my head than out in Wonder Land.

I finished laying out the last of the human figures, the biggest one, but also mostly hidden by the figures in front of it…which is an interesting concept in itself.

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This is what a piece of fabric looks like when I’ve tried to fit them all on there. This one will have a lot of little pieces left, but not a lot else. I should design a quilt with a lot of little people in it to use up all the little pieces of flesh color…

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I tend to use the same flesh colors over and over until there isn’t enough of it to use anymore. I have one flesh fabric that I bought yardage of way way way back, like when I started art quilting. Seriously, it’s in my first real art quilt, back in 1999 or so. But usually I only buy 1/2 yards, so there isn’t a lot of it if there are big flesh pieces in the quilt. It might not do more than two quilts or bodies.

But I still hadn’t done all the inner pieces, all the non-fleshy bits. It was a ton of pieces by then. An overwhelming pile.

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But I put a dent in it…an eyeball here, a lightning bolt there. Until I was too tired. About 2 1/2 hours last night, I think. I’m in the 1000s, but I still have a bunch of filler pieces to do. So I’m getting close to done. I don’t think I’ll finish tonight, but I might get close.

Here’s the box…glad I moved to the bigger one.

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Because it’s almost full…

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Kitten keeps adjusting music and video by lying on the keyboard.

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Apparently she doesn’t like Gillian Anderson’s British accent any more than I do.

OK. Artmaking in the brain. Because the rest is too much chaos, even for me. (That may include my job, for which I need to leave rather soon.)

*Maroon 5, Sunday Morning

More Than This*

So AQS finally felt enough pressure (thank you all) to make a statement about pulling my quilts (although they only talked about pulling the one). I’m confused because it doesn’t match anything I was told. Well, except that they removed it. The statement is below…I’m not exactly sure where it’s posted in real life, because it wasn’t sent to me by AQS. Nothing has been sent to me or communicated to me from AQS directly.

“After receiving numerous complaints from attendees about a quilt in the SAQA exhibit, AQS removed the quilt from the People & Portraits exhibit at the Grand Rapids QuiltWeek event.

Prior to removing the quilt, the feedback AQS received was not limited to one isolated comment. Attendees reached out to AQS staff at the show and via emails and phone calls to our office.

Despite the removal of this quilt, AQS was able to display more than 700 other quilts at the show for viewing by the general public in Grand Rapids.”

This kind of thing makes me sick to my stomach. I’m amazed by their disrespect toward me and SAQA. And I’m worried that this will hurt me and other art quilters in the long run. I wonder if there were no comments during the other four QuiltWeek events or if I was just kept out of the picture. I remember the feeling in my gut when SAQA told me this exhibit was traveling with AQS. I think I have quilt show PTSD at the moment. So I guess any traveling show I’m in, my work will now get pulled if it goes into one of the quilt show circuits. Thanks to the Mancusos for not reacting that way back in 2011. Appreciate the respect.

Here’s a post by Virginia Spiegel that explains why I haven’t been sleeping for the last week. As I’m sitting here working on the next “controversial” quilt, I’m wondering how this is going to affect me. I have a piece in SAQA’s Turmoil exhibit that will hopefully travel after it shows in IQF Houston this year. Or maybe it won’t. I’ve already been warned that my Earth Stories piece might be too controversial and pulled from some venues (it deals with free birth control and Planned Parenthood, giving women who WANT it the power to control how many children they have and how often).

Will the work I’m making now ever be in an exhibit? I hope so. But if it’s not, I blame AQS. I blame the woman (what I was told in the beginning) who saw an imaginary penis. Shit. I blame the country’s attitude toward women at the moment and controversy and anything that isn’t pretty. Don’t get me wrong…I love me some pretty art and beautiful quilts. But that’s not all there is.

I really really tried last night to get my head into art so I could sleep. The last part was a failure, but I got a lot of ironing done (and know that there’s some shit at school as well right now that is incredibly overwhelming and stressful, so that’s not helping with the sleep part.).

I lay pieces out by the 100s…I think these are the 600s? Or maybe the 500s.

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When I’m dealing with figures, I try to do all the flesh pieces at the same time, so I know what is what color. This is the 2nd figure, the one in front. Some people are going to look at her and be disturbed. AND THEY SHOULD BE. That is my intent.

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Then I laid out the 3rd figure, who is just behind the 2nd one, so mostly hidden, except for head and shoulders.

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I haven’t ironed all the inner non-fleshy bits though…I still have to do hearts and lungs and hair and anything else that wasn’t basic flesh color. I’ll do some of that tonight, I think.

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I’m in the 700s, but there are probably close to a hundred pieces that aren’t done prior to that (hearts etc.). So maybe halfway done. Shit. It’s taken 11 hours. Not a fast process, by far.

Here’s what I’ve used so far…lots of flesh colors. The pile that’s not in the boxes is for the last figure, who does still have arms and shoulders and head showing.

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Here’s what I have ironed down so far.

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I’d like to be done with ironing them down before the weekend, if not before, but I’m not sure I can do that in two nights. Not if it’s another 11 hours. I did iron for 3-plus hours last night. I kept waiting to be tired. Honestly, I was also watching the last episode of Happy Valley and couldn’t stop. Great show.

On top of this, I’m currently dealing with an extra dog. It was more than I needed yesterday. It took two of us humanoids to manage dinner, and I won’t have that help for the next 4 days. Too much stress. Maybe they’ll be more mellow tonight.

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Kitten is fine though. Irritated about the extra dog, because she’s a cat chaser, but…

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She loves me even though I brought the interloper in.

Shit. This week. This month. I’m going into full hermit mode soon. OK. Maybe I’m already there. I hear all of your messages though. I’m trying to NOT hear all the other messages out there in the world.

*Roxy Music, More Than This