To Get Me Through

Oh hello. Friday is here. I have very little of my voice…unfortunate, because the new sex ed curriculum is EVEN MORE talking than the old one. I’m depending on tea today, and hopefully I can find (and make work) my mic system. It’s fussy as shit, so I’m not confident it will work.

We have officially reached the time of the school year when you just do 10-hour days every day (10? Let’s see…left at 7:45 yesterday after sending three emails from home, probably started at 7 AM, and came home at 4:30 and then worked mostly until 9:30…yup) until you collapse and hopefully that’s graduation day. I’m not fully planned for next week. I need to grade three thousand things (that’s after grading a ton the last two nights). My house is a disaster. Fun times. I am going to the ceramics studio after school today. I went Tuesday, but just to make sure stuff wasn’t drying out. Tonight I’m going to do some underglazing on the sgraffito piece. Meditation. Before I come home and grade another three thousand things. Fun times. I keep saying that. I hate the end of the year. I really have not enjoyed this school year. I have a cart full of supplies from the other grade level who just dumped everything off, apparently for me to clean up and put away? I put away all the egg drop stuff yesterday. That was a fun thing though. We dropped 47 eggs and 7 survived.

Bethany did NOT survive.

I. Am. Overwhelmed. And the contractor and the stained-glass guy are both trying to schedule with me, and I’m like, y’all need to schedule with EACH OTHER. Leave me out. I can’t even answer the phone for 7 hours a day. Y’all are grown men. Figure it the fuck out.

Hopefully that works.

I’m ironing. It’s brainless at this point. That’s good, because so am I. Wednesday night…

Thursday night…

With Kitten hiding under the ironing board. IDK who the fuck numbered this thing (it was me), but the arm is on top and should be numbered after the torso (it’s not). So fussy. Who drew this thing (also me)??? I actually like it. It’s OK. I almost gave up when I got to the leaves though, and some of them need to overlap the heart, and it’s numbered higher, which it shouldn’t be. So I was obviously tired/out of it when I numbered it. Blame my school self for that. Suspect there’s another three nights of this…It’s actually pretty small. Still no sewing machine. I’m calling today. I know the part shipped. Insane.

The Man is still enticing crows.

And apparently other birds. OK. Teaching body image and decisionmaking today (ha! that last one.). Yesterday, we changed seats for sex ed. I let them pick one friend to sit with to help them feel comfortable, but these two boys (at two different tables) both were mouthing off about what SIDE of the table they needed to sit on, and I finally blew up, explained that they are constantly trying to interact with people across the room, so I made them face the other way so it would be incredibly uncomfortable for them to do so and obvious to me that they were doing it. I explained (rather loudly) that it was incredibly lame that I was having to babysit the behavior of kids going to high school in two months at that level, and if they kept arguing with me, they would be out. They shut up.

My patience is low, bottom of the barrel…with adults and children. Sorry. I’m doing my best. All the emails about how to redo things? Go look in your email. Stop asking me how to do it…it’s the same way we’ve been doing it all year. Follow the instructions I’ve said all year. In fact, if you were here last year, all three 7th-grade teachers, one of whom was me, also used the exact same instructions. Sigh. Double sigh. Fucking sigh.

OK. I’m walking dogs tomorrow at some point. I’m hopefully taking a break to go to my quilt guild meeting. I’m doing ceramics tonight. I’m ironing every night. I’m drinking chai tea because it makes me happy. I bought a piece of monkey bread from our student coffee store, to be delivered today during first period. A treat. To get me through.

Recovering Dammit…

OK. Made it home. It was questionable for a while, but it all happened. The girlchild is sick so I’m taking all my meds, hoping my middle-school-trained immune system is strong enough to counteract hanging in a car with her for hours plus all the other exposures, because surely, she got it from the same people we were all with all weekend. My first day back at school, I wrote 5 referrals for the kids who couldn’t figure out how to deal with a sub…kicked them out for the egg drop. Got pictures taken and labeled during class of the egg drop materials. Got kids through their assignments (it helps that I overthink every day…the pro of an anxious brain is that I plan a class period in my head about 700 times before I actually teach it. This is also a con.), got packets done for the sex-ed opt-out kids. Need to set up materials this morning for the egg drop; I have one set for each table, but need to be ready to swap out stuff if necessary. I had to sub my prep period yesterday, but luckily, it was mostly a good class and I was able to post the things I needed to and start the seating charts for sex ed. I let them pick one friend to sit with, but then, you know, not everyone picks each other and some kids don’t pick at all, and there’s always too many boys in my classes. I had to kamikaze to the dentist after school while calling pre-anesthesia to make an appointment for the REAL pre-anesthesia appointment, which is before the REAL anesthesia. Gotta make a list of all my meds and supplements. IDK why my surgeon doesn’t have access to the same list I have to review with my doc, but they don’t. It’s annoying. Then I went to the ceramics studio to make sure my stuff hadn’t dried out, picked up my glazed pot that I forgot to photograph and isn’t that exciting anyway, and then went to Costco for the eggs for today. Dropped those back at school in the fridge so I wouldn’t have to do that this morning. Realized as I got back into the car at 5:30 Pacific Coast Time that I was hella exhausted. Like bone-tired. Ah yes. Because it’s 8:30 PM East Coast Time and my body isn’t really sure which time it’s on. Came home, napped, laid around half-dead for a bit, got up, made dinner, made seating charts. It took a massive amount of willpower to not just go to bed, but to come in here and iron for 24 minutes.

Got the other side of Christmas lights done. From a week ago. It’s a start.

I stitched on the plane once I finished my book and my bullet journal for the week. I finished the last house block for Sue Spargo’s Homegrown…

While watching Barbie. It had its pros and cons.

And I started the centerpiece…

While watching the first half of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes or whatever that title actually is. I didn’t draw at all this weekend. Didn’t have the energy or the brainpower. I constantly have to explain why I stitch other people’s patterns when I’m sitting somewhere or traveling. Mine isn’t very travel-happy. I couldn’t have ironed anything on this trip. I have taken stuff to cut out before, but only when it’s at a very controllable stage. I won’t do it on a plane. Too much possibility of losing pieces. Everything I have going is at the ironing or stitchdown stage, so not portable. Plus I don’t have to think about this pattern at all. Someone else already thought it all out for me.

Kitten was glad to see me…

She didn’t eat much and wouldn’t take her meds while I was gone. She doesn’t do well at the moment when I leave. But she’s bouncing back.

This is one of Luna’s most commonly seen facial expressions…

Not sure what she saw (but I suspect it’s usually a demon behind me, based on how she looks).

The ex found a duckling…

It’s OK; he has since found the owner. Apparently another one is wandering around somewhere (not good…we have coyotes). Crazy times. My yard has had all the normal wild animals, plus a chicken, an elderly deaf and blind pug, an injured crow (my neighbor dealt with that), random dogs and cats, but no ducks. Yet.

OK. Well. Today I do 50 egg drops…well, just under that. Plus pilates, which my creaky post-travel body really needs, although after the 500 squat lunges I did a day going up and down the steps in that rental house, my knees are still complaining, but the muscles are fine. I still haven’t watered, so I need to do that tonight, plus take the trash out. And then start grading all the late work. With only 12 days of school left, everything gets rather panicky. Must do it all NOW. Hoping the sleep evens out soon, and the stress too. Too many health issues on top of all that. The next person who asks, “so what are doing this summer?” might get punched. RECOVERING DAMMIT…from a really tough year. Plus doing all the things I haven’t been doing. The floors are disgusting, there’s drawers and cupboards and parts of the house that need a ton of work. I need to paint at least one room and the hallway, plus all the carpet. I don’t want to think about the rest of it. We go back to school so early this year, it just sucks. Anyway. So I’m gonna think about that later, and make sure there’s plenty of hikes and ceramics and quilting and whatever else makes me feel better. And be hopeful about the medical stuff because it’s really stressful to think otherwise. Plus read a ton of books. Sound like a plan? And go see the girlchild in San Francisco. All good.

My Head Is Exploding…

OK. So I managed to do 70 trillion things yesterday to try to make sure I’m ready for ANYTHING: my sub for the next two days, missing my flight Monday afternoon (Alaska Air has already offered me money to switch my flight day, which does not bode well for getting home on time), running out of toilet paper here, the faucet that is failing, a shortage of cotton balls for next Wednesday’s lab…WHATEVER. I feel like my head is exploding. I even had all my breakfasts and lunches planned this week, and then my bosses fell through on today’s breakfast burrito and made it lunch instead…OK, so I have an extra lunch now. I’ll take one on the plane. But the point of the breakfast burrito is that I don’t have a prep during testing, so eating is more complicated on those days, so a solid breakfast helps. Cheerios isn’t gonna do it. Ah well. Roll with it.

I did get two days in the ceramics studio this week, mostly because I’m trying to finish the sgraffito piece so I can work on the OTHER piece…there’s no room on my shelf at the moment. Plus I wanted to make sure all the paper towels were damp for the week I won’t be in there.

So here’s Monday’s progress…all the blues…

Then yesterday, I did the flesh color…

Sorry about all the talking. I forget that people are in the studio while I’m working. Then I add music before I post on Insta, but forget that I would need to download that version. So you get random studio conversations. Ugh. Monday, there was no one else there. It was delightful. Tuesday was busy.

I need some shades of flesh for all the bits I didn’t do. And I realized I should have done the teeth when I did the other whites. Ah well.

And some of the raindrops need touchup.

No clue what I’m going to do with her hair. Definitely red arteries and heart and probably nails.

It’s definitely fun. It’s basically drawing and coloring. On a curvy thing.

So there’s that. Maybe finished mid-June (or 2025…whichever seems more reasonable). No, I need to finish so I can work on the other one.

The cloud/grass planter went into the bisque fire yesterday. That was fast! I’m close to putting the winged creature in for a bisque fire too. Soon. I probably need help with that. The shelf isn’t big enough for me to just put her there.

I’m also doing quilt stuff. Have not stopped that. It’s my late-night art. So really, I’m just doubling up some days. I sorted all the Wonder Under (in two nights) for the new big quilt…

And then realized I had never ironed the last little one together and it’s taking up space in the office. I know it won’t take long, so I’m just doing it.

I cleaned up first, then started setting stuff out. I love this part of quiltmaking, when all the colors come together. I’m going to have so much sewing to do when I get my machine back. Good times.

The Man is trying to make friends with crows.

This one wouldn’t get out of my way when I was trying to go to work yesterday. There are two hanging around. He is just feeding them at the moment…not sure when they start bringing us people’s jewelry, but I think it’s soon.

The proteas are still fascinating…

OK, state science testing is today. I’m a little freaked out by the next 24 hours, but I’m sure I’ll survive. I need to come home and do laundry (after pilates and during book club, apparently), pack, make sure I’m ready because tomorrow is an early start. Gonna be a long day. But we’ll be with family at the end of it, so that’ll be cool. Looking forward to seeing my niece graduate. Yay for her!

How to Do Things…

Oh hey. Apparently I missed Wednesday. What did I do Wednesday? Talked to someone who is going to stabilize the stained glass near my front door (it’s big, it’s old, it needs help). Went to the ceramics studio and forgot to take pictures. Remembered why I like going places late at night so no one will talk to me. Why do older men always wanna tell you how to do things. And then they say, “I don’t want to tell you how to do it” as they go on and tell you how to do it. Sometimes that’s helpful, but dude, see the airpod in my ear? Only one, because I’m female and we don’t feel safe with both in? Well maybe I’m bringing both next time. Graded some stuff. Went to pilates. It was a pretty chill day, honestly; so chill, I forgot to write. I don’t do well without routines. Well, let’s put it this way, I use routines to get shit done. And sometimes I ignore all that and get nothing done. I did finish my book actually, so that’s a thing.

OK. So I’m officially panicking about school again, because yesterday did not feel productive except in the plant-buying department, and now I have to plant them, so that’s on today and tomorrow’s list. The buying has been on the list for over a year, so I’m doing well. And I didn’t get two I needed. Also doing well. But I finally got down to Native West Nursery, which is all California natives…think the stuff you see when you go hiking. So I picked up some native ceanothus and some other fun stuff that should appreciate my slope. And maybe then I can stare at the chain-link fence less and butterflies more. That’s my plan anyway.

The Little Barn is the retail section; it has native seeds too, but I was afraid of the checkout bill if I looked there too. So I didn’t look. So I can go back. Limited hours though.

That was yesterday…all the errands I never get to. I went to Freeform Clay in National City, because they’re not even open on the weekend, and I needed glazes. Buying them online just seems weird. So I did it in person. Hopefully I did a good job. So many decisions. I don’t have room on my shelf at the studio for them, so I will have to do what I see other people doing: carrying in boxes of stuff. It’s not like I’ll be glazing every time I go in. I did take one picture on Monday or Tuesday, whenever I went in before…

But now one arm is attached, the other hand has an arm, there’s another bug on the torso. So many changes. I was going to go in yesterday evening, but I was tired from all the driving around San Diego County, and then school whacked me upside the head. Fucking A. That will be the next 10 weeks. Begging for time for art. Anyway, hopefully today, I’ll get the other arm on and decide about head and heart. Probably need shoulders first. I can only build for about an hour before I have to let it harden up. I made a pot on Wednesday too, because I wanted to try it. This sculptural piece actually started as a mug that went wrong. I do want to make a mug, and that was the plan, but that new one would have been way too big…like think about pouring the whole teapot in and having to boil more. So it became a pot. For plants. I need to decorate it. I can still make a mug, although I’m running out of shelf space. Finish the pot, keep going on the sculpture, then make a mug. I can do all the things. I figure an average sculpture for me will take all month to build if I’m back at school. Two days a week. It’s OK. I’m going to be OK with it. I knew the next 2 1/2 months would be hard.

In art quilt news, I’m still missing a sewing machine. I called yesterday; they said ‘soon’. I’m like, ‘how soon’? No answer there. It’s fine. If it gets to next weekend and I don’t have it, I’ll go over to mom’s and use hers for the thing that needs to be done by the following weekend. With binding. It’s small. I’ll be fine. Although I should think about binding fabric today or tomorrow. Next weekend just got more busy with family coming to town. This weekend…I was going to go to my guild meeting, but the FEMA inspector is coming by. Hopefully with a check. OK, that’s not how it works, but I’m hopeful. Anything to make up the shortfall to pay for the carpet would be nice. I also need to finish my taxes so I know how much I owe. I’ve been slogging through the data on that. I’m getting there. Slowly.

But I am working on the third unfinished quilt for this Spring…I started ironing onto fabric Monday night…

Then Tuesday was a clusterfuck of doctor’s appointments (meeting with surgeon in late April, thing in eye is not discernable by anyone but my brain) and an opening of Trauma at the Hyde Gallery at Grossmont College…this is my piece Doctor’s Orders…

And me with my eyes dilated, trying not to squint too badly. Woo! Not a way to see an art exhibit, by the way. The show is up through April 18. It’s a college, so the hours are during the week.

Back home to iron more things…all the flesh. Side-eye provided by Kitten…

Stayed up late to do that. Like you do.

This is all that’s left after that, all the non-flesh, non-background things. It doesn’t look like much, but it took two nights to get through it…

Heart, cat, trees, etc. There’s everything used by Tuesday bedtime.

Then Wednesday…

More color!

Then last night, I finished it off…

A closeup of the pile that now needs trimming…

It took 6 1/2 hours to pick the fabrics…

Only 71 fabrics…and a cat head. In case you think there’s ever a time Kitten is not in the room with me. She’s here. Old and decrepit, sometimes smelly, skinny, needs pets. But here.

So tonight, I’ll start trimming.

I trimmed three trashcans worth of yard stuff Monday and Wednesday…found this…

Totally molded on those branches. I always feel bad removing them, but that plant needed major trimming. NEEDS. I didn’t finish. Maybe not today, because rain. Plus planting supersedes trimming. Also found this…

Looks like some predator bird lost hold of dinner. Sorry. I popped it off the branch and into the undergrowth for some small thing to eat. Ew gross though. Aged alligator lizard.

Some other notes. The Man. Asleep. But the sisters are being nice to each other!

Nova usually gets kicked off the bed by Luna, because Luna is a jealous asshole. But this went on nearly all day.

I trimmed the ferns and found a bunch of freesias underneath, and now they’re blooming, which is lovely.

I love freesias.

And this is my school self, lurking in the back of my head.

I know going back is going to be hard. But at least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Speaking of light, there’s a thunderstorm that just popped up over us. Super dark and rumbly. Probably not a good time to go out and plant. It’s OK. I need to write warmups and posts for next week. And finish my taxes. And plant 11 things. And go do some ceramics. JAYSUS. That was thunder of the crashing type. Not so rumbly. OK. Maybe gonna unplug the computer. Make another cup of tea? Not a driving day today then. School? Ugh. I’ve worked almost every day on school stuff over break. Never done. We were supposed to go on more hikes and maybe a trip to a winery. None of that happened. Oh well. It is what it is. Survival mode again. Still need to go in and copy one thing for Monday. Not gonna wait until Monday and fight the copy hordes.

Here’s owl video…I’ve been hearing a baby at night…

And then it started hailing here…

Always fun.

Fun start to the day. Certainly makes you mentally redo your to-do list. Maybe that’s a good thing?

I Blinked

OK, I’m pretty sure I blinked and the weekend was gone. I know I did things because the bathroom and kitchen floor are finally clean and there’s dead leaves in my hair and clean clothes in the laundry basket, but I honestly don’t remember much of it. Just took a deep breath in and it was over. What are the odds the school week will go so fast?

Five days until Spring Break. I have no clue what I’m teaching Friday (and I’ll have a sub for half of it due to pretty shitty literacy planning), so hopefully that will come to me in a dream or something. It’s actually more about not knowing how long this stuff will take to teach more than being totally clueless. I’m juggling a variety of things in my teacher brain, but I need to know how much time I have. I also need to write sub plans. All of that might be happening Thursday night, which I hate, but when you’ve never taught these lessons, it’s a crapshoot. Plus the kids are amazingly tuned out to grades and work completion at the moment, so sometimes I just walk around and look at the kids who are working and compare the kids who are fast to the kids who are super slow but still work, and kind of pick a place in the middle. The lazy kids who do nothing are not part of that equation. It’s not ideal, but it’s where we’re at. Hopefully some of their brains will turn back on after Spring Break (not expecting it really) and we’ll see some progress again. Ha! I’m not really counting on it.

Meanwhile, I did do some art this weekend…some more ironing…

I got the bugs done and the bird…

And the sun. And then ironed everything onto a background…

Looks good. That’s one of my hand-dyes…where I slop up all the leftovers with a piece of fabric. Works. So tonight, I’ll be doing stitchdown.

My ceramics studio posts a video when stuff comes out of the kiln…some of my first class pieces are in there!

Mine are all the weird non-cactus shapes. I made a bunch the first time. I think one of the coil pots might be mine? Can’t remember. Need to go back and look at my photos. I joined the studio last week, ordered my first clay yesterday, and have been writing down all the things I want to make, some of which are very utilitarian, like plant pots and a mug and a number sign for the house since my cheap plastic one is fading. But also, I’m making a list of art things I want to try. This is cool. I’m looking forward to spending some time there making new things.

I did read a book and a half on Saturday, started a third on Sunday…actually, no, started it Saturday night while waiting for the Man’s band to start playing. I might be hiding in fiction, y’all.

Beautiful. Plus I listened some more to another book. So LOTS of fiction. I know I wrote “mother tree” in my journal. That must be something. Certainly it feels like something.

I got my copy of the Fierce Planets catalog…

It looks like a really beautiful show, y’all. I’m hoping to see it somewhere. I can’t go to the opening…too far, wrong time of year. But it will travel, hopefully closer.

Dinner drawing, Friday night with the Man. Using up a restaurant gift card…

We had to drive to two locations. Long story. It turned out nicely. Weird drawing though.

There he is at his Saturday night show.

I didn’t make it all 4 hours. He barely did. He’s got some nasty cough. Both he and the boychild are sick, so knock on wood that my immune system is strong this week. Ha! Boychild went back to work today. His breakfast smelled better than mine. I should get that recipe. You know when you make something and freeze it to get you through the next two weeks, and then it’s OK, but not really great? Yeah. That’s this week.

Simba would totally eat it, if I’d left him.

Man, he has crusty nose again. Need to find the nose butter. He doesn’t like it, but it helps. Weirdly designed dog.

This popped up. Might be relevant in November.

In some states, much sooner than that.

OK. Teaching adaptations. Not hard, I think…but you know…Monday brains. I think my staff meeting after school is watching the staff-student basketball games. Last time, I felt like I needed to stay and watch the girls play, because they play last and everyone leaves, which I think is rude. Also, why can’t they play first sometimes? Sigh. What I really need after school is to get a handle on the rest of the week and the week after we come back from break, so I don’t need to come in and prep over break. We don’t have a nice trip planned for many reasons, which sucks. But I have shit to do around the house…hoping to get some of that set up this week. Yeah. Well. It’s just not a fun year. Parts of it are (the ceramic stuff) and parts are just keeping me going (all the books) and parts could feel better (the art in general)…so those are all things to think about that are more exciting than cleaning bathrooms and floors.

Problem Child…

Yo. It’s Friday. I woke up almost every morning this week hoping it was Friday. Exhausted. Daylight Savings has kicked my ass this week. That and my schedule. I know I voted for this craziness to go away, yet here I am, battling fucked-up blood sugar and feeling like a truck hit me. And my life is relatively simple. I get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up. Right? Hmm. Not quite. Yesterday, I didn’t have a meeting right after school, so I came home and graded two periods of an assignment, and then felt relief that I had finished that. Although there’s another one I assigned this week. Ugh. I lost most of my prep period yesterday to just crap. Today’s needs to be focused as hell. But it’s Friday and probably we are short subs so we’ll see how that goes. And then I drove north to my stitching meeting. So not so chill.

So the little quilt for the show that opens in late April, early May, is progressing. I ironed two nights running…here’s Wednesday’s progress…

Lots of letters…

Then last night…

I was so exhausted after my stitching meeting and getting food that I didn’t think I would have energy to do this, plus it was already almost 10 PM, so then I started on the leaves, but then the arm spoke to me, and then I was going to bed late. I like it like this, actually, but I’m gonna add the bugs and bird and sun and see if that makes it better.

My next plan is either for a boob quilt or a crone quilt (or both!), and then I have a proposal with a venue for a possible duet show, except the other person just pulled out, so IDK what’s gonna happen. I thought I was the problem child, but we are all problem children, eh?

I had my stitching meeting last night and spent most of the two hours on the roof…

And didn’t finish. It looks cool though. I should maybe do more of the embroidery on these blocks and less of the applique, but the applique is so satisfying for some reason on a night when I am exhausted. All of them. That’s all of them at the moment.

Anyway. Today has no meetings. Oh wait, there’s one this morning; that’s why I’m up a little early. Then teaching Darwin (who apparently thought women’s brains were inferior to men’s??? WTF? Oh man, I gotta teach something about that bullshit. I’m sure this is how I’m brainwashing kids.) and giraffes and natural selection. Tonight we are using up a restaurant gift card so no one has to cook, and because tomorrow night (our normal date night), the Man has another show. Another 4-hour show. I have a ticket this time, but I don’t think I’m staying until midnight. I just don’t think I have it in me this week. Honestly, a quiet night at home sounds lovely. With my book (that I don’t really like, but need to finish for book club so I can read another book that I might like more. I mean, you can’t love ALL of them. That’s just reality.). And a cat/dog combo of some sort. Yeah. Sounds lovely.

Glorious Bit of Sky…

Glorious world. Hmm. Not a good start. Glorious SKY…that I can attest to this morning. Well, only in one direction. Don’t look south. Very grey and cloudy. Glorious BIT of sky. There we are. I can see that and stare at it. I should’ve gone to bed earlier…every night of my life, but I have not. Unless I was sick. Which I’m not (knock on wood; everyone else is). Yet. Wait, no, this is not a time for ‘yet’. I will NOT get sick. Ugh. Anyone else have a fuzzy brain? Hell, it’s not even fuzzy…it’s just like not vacuumed and the cat puked somewhere but you can’t find it. YET. There’s a good use of that word.

OK, so lets get through this because apparently I have to go to work. I checked. It’s a yes.

Monday night, I finished sorting. Or maybe it was Sunday. I think it was Monday. Fuck.

Apparently I also started ironing that night…

I didn’t get very far. And I laid out the 100s first for some inexplicable reason, and then didn’t want to waste the time to put them back in the box and start over with the less than 100s, so I just started at piece 91 like the brainless pile of art brain that I am right now.

I did none of it last night, because I was in school meetings and/or teaching from 8 AM to 5:30 PM (got to school at 7:40) and then went to ceramics, not home until 9 PM. Not ironing after all that. I did make something…

It may all collapse (the sponge and newspaper are currently holding everything up)…

The holes are for hanging fabric down into it. I don’t know that this one is as successful as what I did last week, which is still drying, but these are all experiments anyway, so we’ll see how it goes. I did sign up for a membership though, so there will be more. Experimenting. At least through summer. We’ll see how it goes after that. I need to be able to go in and work for an hour or so and then leave it to set up a bit before I go taller. So I need more time.

I have decided that every unit cover page I do for science this year (and maybe forever) will use rainbow colors in the title, just to fuck with the people in my district who say that rainbows are dangerous and should not be student-facing. Even though we teach the science of them.

Yeah, I still have some coloring to do. I realize I am so behind, so buried, at school right now that ugh. Fuck it. I am trying. I need all the to-do’s to go the fuck away. After I count cow eyeballs today. After I find the fucking screwdriver so I can get the damn bucket open. IDK what the fuck I did with it. The prep room and materials are kicking my ass.

Trying.

Yeah. I teach both at the moment.

OK. Fuck today. It’s nuts. Gonna get through it the best I can. Hopefully someone will feed me when I’m done.

Do Not Touch Gimbals

Hmm. I am drop-dead exhausted. Hoping I’m just fall-slowly-to-the-ground exhausted once I get this cup of tea into me. We should never do field trips on Thursdays. Coming back to teach on a Friday seems like a mistake for everyone involved. And yesterday was a doozy. Not violating any kids’ rights here by saying that. But if you see a teacher today, you should just spontaneously hug them and tell them it will all be OK. They may push you away and stare at you funny, but most of us would just lean into that hug.

When I think about teacher training, I realize how little of it actually helped me do ANY of the things I do now. I haven’t been trained on most of what I do. It’s instinct, or I figured it out by trial and error or with my teammates or coworkers. Some of it is common sense. Sometimes Mom brain kicks in (or caregiver brain for those who aren’t moms, because some people have that and it’s not because they gave birth) and we do the things to make things OK. Or not. We do the strict things that aim for OK in the future. I just know that I had planned to take my book to the gym yesterday after school and I did not. I came home and just sat on the couch, staring at pictures, for a good hour or so before I started working. Because I don’t want to work this weekend (I’ll have to anyway, but I’m trying to limit it).

So I graded one thing and fixed the final grades on another thing and then input them for the parent meeting later today, which may be contentious. Imma be chill. I hope. I don’t have a lot of filters at the moment. I’m trying to rebuild them by drinking tea. Nova is being very helpful, by the way. She is actually lying ON the gradebook. Which I realize is her way of saying, mom, stop working, but I needed to get that done. It’s OK. When I got up to heat up the 17th cup of tea (not really), she took over my spot.

Cute toes kitty. I won’t usually move her. She snores lightly. I just sat next to her and finished stuff. Hopefully I’ll have a prep period today to finish other stuff.

Art stuff: I finished ironing on Wednesday night…

It took a little less than 3 1/2 hours…for 313(?) pieces. Not bad. Then last night, I started cutting them out.

I’m probably halfway? I have a bunch of letters to cut out next. They’re time-consuming. I need to pack a quilt tonight to deliver tomorrow, and the Man has a show at the Music Box. Thank goodness he’s the opener, so I can be home at a decent hour…to collapse into bed, because I signed up for a quilt Zoom class tomorrow morning. Like an idiot. Like an idiot who wants to do fun things and not just work. So that is why.

Yesterday’s field trip was to the Midway, which is not my favorite.

I prefer animals to badly posed mannequins.

Although, if I were more of an abstract artist, that would be fun to make as a quilt.

I could have used this in the kids’ bathroom.

And this just made me giggle…

Mostly because I don’t know what a gimbal is. And it’s such a weird sign if you don’t know what the things mean.

It’s a military boat. It’s a lot of walking, lots of ups and downs. It’s not the most exciting thing. I had a group that would not stay together. I lost one kid and found him (well, he found us) and then lost three at the end, which was a problem. So I walked about twice as much as I needed to (knees held up), and then came back to school to a major issue that sucked. Still sucks, but less so. Wasn’t how I planned to spend the last 90 minutes of the school day, but whatever. It’s All in a Day! Perky smile and face and tone! Oh I don’t do those well.

I did read for about 45 minutes last night. I do love this character.

Ironically the same name as the cat who was lying next to me. Weirdly appropriate.

Here you go.

Anyway. Meeting this morning. Teaching all day, which will be hard, I’m sure. Probably talking to some kids/classes about yesterday’s events. Duty after school. Contentious parent meeting after that with principal and team. Then home to pack a quilt to be delivered. Then eat something. Then show…home…sleep? Maybe fabric trimming somewhere in there. I’m not gonna feel bad if that doesn’t happen though. It’ll be OK. It’ll happen tomorrow.

Mit dem Geist sitzen…

I don’t know what’s happening to the school weeks, but it seems like the first two days are the hardest. Tuesday nights, I’m like, WTF just happened. And why? Yesterday was a masterful example of that. But I made it through…and am hopeful that today has less stupidity involved. But probably not. I had to hand back last week’s homework and tell them to redo it. They hadn’t been explicitly taught by ME how to do it, but I gave them everything they needed in order to do it. They just didn’t use any of it. Not the notes, not the slides, not the genotypes I had them write on their paper and told them to use. Mind-boggling. So I guess the plus is that I don’t have to try to come up with another homework before break. I had two and needed a third. Otherwise everyone (but 6 kids) would have started the trimester with an F. I saw a teacher video about apathy the other day. Yeah. I care way more than they do about their grades. And promotion. And going to high school. Sigh. That’s not entirely true. Some of them care. Just not enough of them. And I realize as a parent that a lot of the dumbass behaviors we are seeing is precisely because some of these kids are worried about going to high school.

So less of that. I had a sex-ed curriculum meeting after school…the ‘last’ one until APPARENTLY WE ARE MEETING AGAIN NEXT YEAR? WTF. I did not sign on for all this. Ugh. I left early to go to ceramics class, which was fucking awesome because it was slab night and all we did was slam clay into the table. I needed that outlet. That was fun. I had an idea last week to try to make ceramic bases/forms that could pair with fabric, so this was the first idea…

It’s a box that hangs on the wall, but the body parts are on top. I’m imagining a little quilt hanging inside the box. I’m hoping anyway. We’ll see how that goes. I also made a tiny tray, just because I wanted to try the rollers…

Not perfect; I ran out of time. Next week, it’s make what you want…so I need to figure out what that is. And then I think we glaze. And then I consider whether I can pull off a membership here. I want to. We’ll see.

I did iron Monday night…

Almost done…just have a bunch of bugs and a bird to do, hopefully tonight. I’m borderline exhausted. Or maybe it’s just people related. We’re going on a field trip. My team is driving me bonkers. I just need consistency and that doesn’t happen. Plus the kids are whinier than heck about going. ‘My friend isn’t going so now I don’t want to.’ Your friend got suspended for hitting another kid from behind. You should pick better friends. I’m not redoing all the lists. You’re going. Shit. I think I have to redo the lists if that kid isn’t going. Oh crap. I’m out. Seriously.

FOCUS ON ART.

This year has been burning me out since September. A teacher friend yesterday said something along the lines of ‘oh yay, we only have one trimester left,’ but I’m like, I don’t think I can do another one. I just don’t have it in me. Next time someone tells me to call a parent, I’m gonna quote the district on self care.

I wish that were true, but it’s not. I always give a fuck. That’s part of the problem.

My meditation app decided to teach me German last night.

Luckily he didn’t talk in German, although it might not have mattered, because I stopped listening and just started counting the breaths. It was all I could handle.

Final picture of Nova conquering the scratching toy.

Oh wait! I have video of Kitten making her toothless face…

She is a good kitty. And I love her goofy face.

OK. IDK what to say about today. It has to be better than yesterday. Well, except that clay stuff was fun. I just came home and read my book. I couldn’t do anything else. Tonight is pilates and book club. Hmmm. Not sure I’ll be mentally aware for either of those. Tomorrow is the field trip. Yikes. We couldn’t get buses for Friday…that would have been better. Coming back for a Friday…ugh. It’s OK…I’m going to finish ironing fabrics tonight so I can get to the next stage of this little quilt, so I can eventually start drawing the big-ass crone quilt that’s growing in my head. That’s a plan.

I’ll Need to Pick Another One…

IDK what happened this morning, but it’s already late and I’m not ready. Really, today, I’m sitting in my classroom while someone else does a presentation that will apply to maybe 10 of my students, if that, but it’s not MY decision to make, so I’m just going to use the time to work so I don’t have to do it all after school this week. Win maybe win? We’ll see. I know I need to put in a healthy chunk of time this week on work because I didn’t do it this weekend. I finished grades Friday night, then mostly blew it off for the rest of the weekend. I was busy with other stuff.

I went to my quilt guild meeting and worked on this…

Then went to a baby shower and handed over this…

Then went to dinner with this guy…

And drew this…

Friday night, I finished tracing this…

And Saturday night, I turned it into this…

And last night, it became this…

I had picked a background fabric, but I don’t think it’s gonna work. So I’ll need to pick another one.

This was me trying to finish grades Friday morning.

Thanks to our grading program. It eventually figured its shit out. Typical though. I also gave a quiz (it was one question) and then got to deal with this.

I guess. Huh. Fun times. Both A students. Come-to-Jesus moment for them. I guess.

I just now noticed Kitten had thrown up on the top part and under the keyboard. Sigh. Ugh. Cleanup is fun. And somehow I’m still late this morning. I wonder why.

Good explanation there.

OK. Sigh. This week. It’ll be fine. As long as the thunderstorms stay away from the field trip day and all the things work and nothing more breaks and maybe even some good things will happen, in between my boob hurting (still, apparently can for up to 4 months, shoot me now) and my stress levels. At least I have art at night and books on my iPad.