Last Minute

The number of reminders on my phone right now to remember to do all the things. A kid emailed me yesterday and asked which day I was grading things, and I answered ALL the days. I am getting close to done, though. Seven days. Seven days with one at Belmont Park on a field trip and one is graduation and one is graduation practice and a carnival. So actual teaching days? I have literacy stuff this morning, so half a day today, a whole day tomorrow, and two next week. But honestly, it’s not the teaching that’s the issue. It’s sex ed and that’s easy, although I’m not a fan of all of this curriculum and I wish I’d been able to give myself more time to teach it. I wrote a note in the calendar for next year. Because I don’t even remember what I did last year…the kids were telling me (the ones I had in 7th grade) and I’m like, big fat blank space where my brain was y’all. Sorry. I guess that’s a plus. Nah it’s all the adult crap…last-minute contracts for kids who don’t want to come to school any more, last-minute drop-a-new-kid-in-my-class…oh wait! No! He’s an opt out, but last minute, you have to add him to all the things and GRADE him, this kid who you will never see. And oh yeah, we’re gonna completely change the schedule at the last minute so you have to scramble to finish what’s already a tight finish. People are pissy. I’M pissy. I know I am. I sat in my room during prep yesterday after creating another last-minute thing and just tried not to cry. Because I’m overwhelmed. Texted my co-teacher who was at the zoo with my other work wife (they’ll be back in August…it’s OK) and they wanted to FaceTime me, but then I knew I’d cry. Sigh. Just need it to be done.

I watered my newly planted plants last night. It’s nice to see them grab hold of the dirt and start to grow on their own. I have more to plant…maybe Saturday. After my brain scan. Sounds delightful.

I am making art. I’m making lots of art. Just very slowly. I finally finished the sgraffito planter. Well…for some definition of ‘finished’.

I’m really happy with how it turned out. It’s fun. This is over 8 1/2 hours of creating so far though. So not fast. Maybe faster than a quilt? But now it has to dry, slowly, over a couple of weeks. Then bisque fire. Then decide if I’m going to put any glaze over it? Not sure. I have the two tiles still and I asked a bunch of questions on Monday of the more experienced potters, and got a name of a clear satin matte glaze that MIGHT work, but I’m going to try it out on the tiles first before I do anything to this one.

I almost forgot to do the eyebrow.

I love the hair.

Rainbows for Pride Month.

I’d do this type of thing again.

When I finished, I still had some time left before I needed to head for home. The winged woman piece has been drying for a while. I pulled her down at one point to fix some cracks. But I wasn’t sure how to glaze her. While I was in Maine, I would just let her percolate in my brain until I decided to do some underglazing first…

There will be more, but not a lot…

And then I’ll fire her, and then do an iron oxide after that. Hopefully she’ll survive the firing. That’s always the issue. If she didn’t, I’d probably try to build her again. It really is more about the process than the product for me. Don’t get me wrong…I love the product when it turns out, but the time spent building is what I like most. Same with quilts.

I’ve had this thing lying around since COVID.

Parts just need to be sewn down. Some more parts need to be added. I worked on it a little last night instead of grading.

Then I headed in for about 30 minutes of ironing. Hung up the HUGE drawing…

Made a video about it…practice for an Insta takeover I’m doing later this month.

Very rough and very squinty. Gotta work on that. Laid out the first 100 pieces…

Ironed the first few big ones…already pulling from the 100 and 200 bins. So logical numbering.

It’s a start. It’ll be browns tonight.

Here’s Simba on Monday night, very sleepy.

The owls are still here, they’re still going in and out of the owl box, which is a good sign that they haven’t given up on procreation. No baby sounds though.

Glad to see them still here. Late babies are fine by me. We’ve lost at least two that I know of. Sigh.

OK, to school for a meeting, then another meeting, then a free lunch (this is how they bribe us), then teaching in the afternoon, trying to get some of the packets recorded in the gradebook while they finish their stuff, then another meeting (at a restaurant with one drink and appetizers), and home to another meeting. WTF. So many meetings. Art in between. Book in between? Maybe. Maybe not. Yeah. I need the pillow fort.

Let’s Be Real…

Hey. Two more Mondays. Nine days. Panicking a bit about finishing grades on time, but with all the grading I did all weekend, I’m hoping I’m OK. I’m not taking any more late work, so that should help. One hopes. I still need sub plans for Wednesday morning, another literacy meeting that was incredibly poorly timed. Can’t have the swing sub teach sex ed, but I don’t have spare days, so I’m just gonna have to come up with magical things. The sex ed packets are too long for a normal period, and we have short classes today, so I’m gonna have to figure that out because they can’t do Wednesday’s thing without me if I can’t get through the two packets today and tomorrow. FUUCKKK. Not thinking about that. I’ll figure it out. By myself. Like all fucking year. We have a field trip Friday, and then we’re back for two periods…where I’ll be showing a video and hoping I don’t have another drug overdose in class because of the field trip. What are the odds? I mean, that would be USEFUL professional development. How to deal with overdoses, what to look for, what to do. Let’s be real here. I’m beyond cynical right now. One of the things we do with sex ed is a question box, and the first question I got in there, I had to call Child Protective Services. I was on hold from when I got to the ceramics studio on Friday, through 90 minutes of underglazing, the drive home, and 15 minutes at home with my book until they finally answered. Finished the report at 7 PM. And will anything happen? Well mine isn’t the first report, so there’s that. Disheartening. Extremely.

Ah well. Let’s start with the glazing…I’m almost done…

I did the reds, all the arteries, the heart, tongue, etc.

I also did the darker skin tones. I have a lot of clean up to do in the lines.

Fingernails…

And I started the hair. I got tired after about 90 minutes. I think I only have three colors left to do tonight. I knew CPS would pick up and I’d have to go outside and have this conversation, and I didn’t want to be that tired and still have to clean up after the conversation. So I didn’t finish Friday.

I graded Friday night, most of Saturday, and for about 5 hours on Sunday. Still not done! It’s all the fiddly last-minute redoes and late work that take for-freaking-ever to go through. The Man says I shouldn’t allow that, but I’m pro-growth-mindset. Learn from your mistakes. Figure out the right answers. I love the persistent kids. Well, some of them. Some of them don’t listen and keep submitting, even though they still haven’t read the comments or changed what they’re doing. And some use AI to help and it’s so freaking obvious…I mean, there’s not a lot of 8th graders at my school using the phrase “chronological constant”. I ran one through an AI detector just for fun. I mean, all I had to do was compare the first answer, which wasn’t bad, but was more kid-real language, to the second one, which read like a Wiki article. Sigh. I wrote both of them notes about the future. I doubt they’ll read them. Or listen. YES, I am in defeatist mode. Survival mode.

I also ironed things all weekend. Friday night, got to here.

Saturday night, all but the head…

Sunday night, did the head and ironed it to a background…

Hoping to see my sewing machine soon. We know a part arrived, but there was a medical emergency and we’re not sure if it got installed before that happened. It’s OK…I’m just going to start ironing the big quilt to fabric. I was ready to do that when I realized I had this one piled up too and it was easy enough to iron it together. Feels like a success. Progress. Looks nice. All that.

I had my quilt guild meeting Saturday…worked on her hair.

Slowest stitch ever. I also got a place to stay in Phoenix for QuiltCon 2025. Fun drive.

We hiked…

Babysat the ex’s dog again…

She’s constantly on the hunt. For animals.

It’s always nice to get outside in nature. I miss it. Want to do it more. Although apparently we discriminate against giraffes.

Doesn’t say if they must be leashed.

It’s not exactly a playdate because Simba is annoyed by her, but at least she gets some exercise and attention.

Saturday night, we tried some local breweries/wineries.

Just for something different. Felt bad for the band…there were only four people listening. Ouch.

And here’s where we’re at…

Although I definitely wasn’t smiling even that much.

OK, clay today, plus grading (you knew that was coming), plus starting to iron the next quilt to fabric. I’m tired. I’m done. Today I’m teaching pregnancy. The boys are notoriously stupid about this until I start talking about the financial responsibility of spilling sperm. Fun times.

Maybe in That Order

OK. This week. Is gonna be a bit nuts. I worked all Saturday morning/afternoon trying to get the alternative assignment done for sex ed. Successful at that. Can’t use the same one they use in 7th grade. That’s silly. But now it actually exists. I have a ton of stuff to get done in the next three days. I spaced out on packing up a quilt this weekend, so that’s after school. So is clay. So is book club. It’s all good. I’ll get through it all. I might even sleep at night. Maybe.

So clay stuff. I finished carving the sgraffito piece and started adding underglaze colors.

It’s going to take a while…

Someone was like, then stop! Don’t do it! It’s fine the way it is!

Maybe. But I want to try what’s in my head. I can always do this again without all the colors. I know how now.

Getting the space to experiment as an established artist is hard. Also people are always telling me what they think I should do.

I really don’t do critiques. I have a voice, I know what I’m doing most of the time. It’s in my head. My SAQA local group met on Zoom yesterday and now they’re setting up critiques, and I’m like, ugh, no. Don’t wanna. It’s fine. I know some people want other people to give them suggestions. I don’t. Thanks.

The tiles got bisque-fired…

They need a clear glaze on top.

Friday night’s dinner drawing.

We had a family dinner Saturday night, so no drawing then.

And then lots of Wonder Under being trimmed…Friday night…

Saturday night…

And I finished Sunday night, just over 10 hours…

I started sorting, but then was reminded that we had to make the bed, and then it was bedtime. So I didn’t finish. Tonight there’s a lot going on, but I’m hoping to finish sorting and get the office organized and cleaned up for ironing to fabrics. I do still have another quilt that is ready to be ironed together. I may start that first. We’ll see. It’s all starting to pile up in here. I have a quilt top that is half stitched down, still waiting for my sewing machine to come home. I know the necessary part was shipped a little over a week ago. Frustrating.

This silly boy apparently had fleas.

Like WTF, that’s why you’re on flea meds. So he got a bath. I didn’t do it.

I spent a little time cleaning up plants on the deck and found this swallowtail cocoon.

It was empty, but it was cool to find, hidden away like that.

OK. I’m very much in survival mode at the moment. Getting stuff done, a little bit at a time. Panicking when I realize something isn’t done. Lots of not sleeping and trying to remember shit. I write a lot of things down and then forget to look at the lists, plus I have phone reminders, but then I ignore them. Good brain. Silly staff meeting today. Hopefully better than the last ones about literacy (unlikely). Then clay. Then pack up quilt. Book club. Sort Wonder Under. Clean office. Maybe in that order.

Mghmghmgh…

MMMMMmmmmm. Imagine an irritable, tired growl with a guttural scratchy losing-my-voice catch to it. Not even sure what letters of the alphabet go with that. Mghmghmghmgh? Something like that. I’m not one of those gratitude people, but I try to think of positive things each day when it’s really hard (code: it’s really hard right now). The kids are…um…challenging. Doing state test review sucks. Trying to come up with stuff for the kids to do after testing but while I’m gone and before sex ed is stressful (although I had a minor breakthrough last night after working from 8 AM to 8 PM…you should try it sometime. Not.). Trying to manage departmental things without my co-chair…fuck me. I might crawl into a hole next year. Certainly this year I say no no no a lot and it doesn’t seem to help. So yeah. Behind on grading still too. And exhausted. Not sleeping. Just my brain…the same brain that is still seeing that swirling cabbage, that gets to call radiology today because it’s been two weeks and they haven’t called me yet to set up a brain MRI. I’ve never put my head in an MRI. I do have some claustrophobic issues. I also meditate well. I think I need blood tests before that test and blood tests before the surgery, but within certain time constraints. Ugh. My head hurts. Ironically. I’m supposed to be keeping a migraine diary but I don’t have migraines…I just have stress headaches and overwork headaches and body needs a massage headaches.

So that’s me this Wednesday. The first two days of the week seem to kick my ass. I wrote more referrals this week in those two days than I’ve written in the last two months. I’ve had two middle-school boy apologies, one stoned-out mumbling complaint and then acknowledgement, and one tantrum on Instagram (he was, not me) that concluded with my telling him to put his head down as I walked away with his computer. Let’s be clear…these kids are going to high school in three months. And they’re acting like 5-year-olds. I get it. Testing is hard. Growing up is hard. But so is dealing with their shit. 21 days. 21 days of my trying to feed my sanity with art and books and apparently yardwork. Yesterday, it was weed whacking, which is surprisingly restorative. So is watering and seeing monarch caterpillars…or protea blooming…or the new bushes I planted thriving. All good.

So. Art. The planter finally got to leather hard a week after the class (note to self for future reference…make it earlier). And I got the tool I needed in the mail, so Monday, I continued carving. I started in class, just did the basic outline of the face and arms. I haven’t finished carving out the background, so there’s still stuff that needs to happen.

But I’m really enjoying this. It’s really just drawing on clay.

You can draw in pencil first, because it will burn off in the kiln, but I didn’t. I just drew with the carving tool.

I see today that there are more details I could add before the next step, which would be adding color in. But realistically, this isn’t something I could sell easily. That’s over three hours so far in making the pot and carving, and I’m nowhere near done.

Carving vertically is a challenge. I did hold it a few times to get a part done, but it’s heavy. Definitely logistics for clay are very different than for fabric.

Definitely enjoying the process though. My brain has to work everything out inside it before I do it, so I’ll be driving to work, mentally working out how to paint this thing. I guess the pro is that I won’t get dementia because I’m overthinking everything under the sun. I don’t think my brain ever stops. Hence lack of sleep, right?

I did finally start cutting out the big quilt. She has a deadline now. Not that it changes how I’ve been working…an hour a night, sometimes more.

Thanks, Simba, for the assist. I set a little goal every week, every night. I want it all cut out and sorted before I leave for Maine next week. I figure an hour to cut out each yard (sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less) and there were 7 yards, so 7 nights? Plus a couple hours of sorting. Should be cut out by Monday, should be sorted by Wednesday. Easy peasy.

Thanks, Nova, for keeping that hip warm. You know, I worked until 9:30 PM last night…not 8. I even worked while I was cooking dinner…this after teaching a lesson on the negative impacts of multitasking in advisory yesterday. Whatever. Reality sometimes means doing more than one thing at a time. I can record videos while the food is cooking, before the next step. It’s true I forgot to empty the dishes out of the sink, but I did it later, after complaining happened.

Whatever. OK. Today. More tea. Definitely. I saw 12:49 AM last night. I must have fallen asleep eventually, but then I saw 4:45 AM too. So we’re thriving!!! Hmmm. Mghmghmgh. Maybe it’s Grhmgrhmgrhm. I don’t know.

Finish planning egg drop stuff. Make a table of contents for this stupid last packet of stuff I don’t even want to grade (and might not…don’t tell the kids). Probably meet and fix a bunch of things that sit on me until I shove them off. Play Blooket with the kids (although I need to edit that before school starts…ha! Maybe not). Call for a brain MRI. Not scary at all. Go to pilates. Good for the body. Good for the brain. Work some more (ugh). Not my night to cook, so do the dishes. We need a palate cleanser after watching Baby Reindeer…train wreck that. Ugh. Something funny but not stupid funny would be good. Or heartwarming. What a concept. Then cut some more pieces out. Read my book somewhere in there. Gotta finish it by Wednesday…maybe sooner. I think the library loan is up sooner. Double ugh. It’s a slow start so far. Someone was murdered 20 years ago. Not sure when she’ll get to the point.

Owls! No babies. But parents. And lots of threat noises last night.

It makes me sad that there are no babies…that’s at least two that have died. But they haven’t given up…

Dirty Windows

My windows are dirty. This is not a euphemism for something. My actual house windows are dirty. I see them every day and it’s on my to-do list to clean them, but then I do 5 things and the day is gone and I still haven’t finished everything, I’m still eating dinner at 8:30 because I didn’t start cooking early enough because I was grading things and making videos (I made 11 videos for school yesterday). I think I read my book yesterday. Maybe. A chapter. I know I didn’t shave the Man’s head…I remembered this morning that I was supposed to help with that. Oh well. He’ll do it himself. If only the windows would do themselves.

Busy weekend, but they all are. I actually slept in on Saturday until 9 AM. I mean, minus the dog barking and the Man opening and closing things. It was delightful. But apparently not enough, because here I am on Monday morning feeling like a truck hit me and maybe I need another three cups of tea before I’ll be functional again.

Let’s start with clay. I have this mug that was too big so it became a planter that I was making, just for fun, not art, and it was finally dry enough to either fire or decide what I wanted to do about glazing. Glaze is hard, but I wanted to try these glazes that are shiny after the bisque fire. So I remembered to bring the glazes to the studio on Friday (not enough room to store them there) and painted it…

Painting glazes is a pain in the ass…you need at least two coats, maybe three. We’ll see how this turns out.

Pro: it’s done. Con: I realized when I was done that it had taken me 2 hours. Another late dinner. Ah well.

I also traced…in fact, I finished tracing the Wonder Under last night…15 nights…

19 hours and 13 minutes…

7 yards and a bit…

I think I stayed up too late for all of those 15 nights trying to get an hour in, or last night, just trying to finish. It’ll be at least 7 hours to cut it all out, probably more. Lots of little pieces in there.

Saturday, I went to Visions with my quilt guild folks to see the new Latine exhibit there. There’s a design thing going on because San Diego and Mexico, so the museum had some new and different artists showing, which was nice.

Mely Barragàn…

Her piece Shallow Water Emerges Til Dawn…

Very much asks you to touch it. The chains were especially nice, dangling off the ends.

Chain fabric even.

Marisa Raygoza…

Emotional Support Rock…I’m feeling this one especially.

Tumble Dry

Some embroideries from her movie The Path of a Tear…

And some soft sculpture, although there’s nothing soft about a gun.

She Used Her Head As a Revolver

There were art dresses, which somehow I didn’t photograph, and weavings as well…

The most intriguing part of this piece, by Olivia Arreguin, Womb in a Dress, was the DNA she knotted into the womb.

Cool exhibit…check it out.

Also walked the dogs…was puppy sitting Annie…

We all needed a walk.

The path was really overgrown with flowers…

The two old guys were a little…um…panty.

Got my 3 miles in though.

Check out the glare on that cat…

Nova seemed very offended by Simba’s presence.

OK, well, I’m still reviewing science for the state test. The kids are rebelling against it, but whatever. They’d rebel against anything but naps and candy right now. Makes my life fun. Friday was annoying. Thank goodness for clay at the end of the day. Today will be different…I changed it up. Constantly trying to find different ways to get info in their heads…takes a ton of time and energy. I’m running low on both. Then staff meeting. Then clay again…not sure which piece I’m going to work on. Then cutting things out. Probably need to grade things in there too. Ugh. Or planning. That’s definitely a thing. This week is survival. Maybe all of them are. Well, I start teaching sex ed at some point, so that’s at least an attention-getter…but they’re all convinced they don’t need to do anything else for the rest of the year. Fun times.

I Like Your Butt…

Hey. I’ve thought every morning this week was Saturday, and I was wrong about all of them. Including this one. Today is so not a Saturday; it’s like the antithesis of a Saturday. Give a quiz, then take your kids to an assembly, then do duty, then go to an art opening. Collapse somewhere appropriate (bed or couch), rouse self, grade things, trace Wonder Under, sleep. Hopefully. The dog is here without the boychild and sometimes he’s a rabble rouser (the dog, not the boychild…well, I mean, IDK about the rabble he might be rousing). Did I just use some conjugate of ‘rouse’ three times in the last paragraph? My brain must be trying to tell me something (DRINK YOUR TEA WOMAN).

Things that were awesome about this week: My teacher’s aide covered all my sciencey boards for state testing this week so I didn’t have to. She’s amazing. Really. I will miss her efficiency.

My piece from class that I made in February or March finally came out of the glaze kiln, completely fucking awesome.

I love this…even the brown splotches. I am not a perfectionist with glaze. At all. This is great. Imagine a tiny quilt in the center bit. This is awesome. I need my sewing machine. And time. Lots of time.

I love my current book, The Hexologists by Josiah Bancroft. And it’s a series! Even better. Although maybe the next one doesn’t exist yet. Nope. Get writing, man.

“Strobing fistula”…that’s a quilt name. Or a band name. Or a medical diagnosis.

Progress report grades are done so I don’t have to panic for a while about grades. Also, state testing starts next week, so there’s two days I can grade while they test, plus two days I just have to manage kids and not present a lesson on something I’m unclear on. Like space. Ugh. I love space; don’t get me wrong. I just don’t know enough about it.

So I have a ceramics class tomorrow on sgraffito. Which is fun to spell. It’s less (for me) a class about the technique and more the experience with the instructor. So we’ll see how that goes. I had to go in yesterday and build something to practice on (I made a planter). It needs to be leather hard by tomorrow afternoon. I wish I knew how to predict that, but whatever. I’m excited to be learning something new.

I am also still building the world woman or whatever I need to call her. I’ve got ideas for the body cavity and ideas for adding to the world she’s standing on, and eventually I’ll start working on her upper torso, which will have to be separate until I am ready to dry her, because she doesn’t fit in my shelf. Ah well.

There’s a couple people I see in the studio all the time, so you talk. This one guy walked past and said, “your stuff is always so cute” and I’m like, WHAAA, that’s a BUTT…

And he’s like, “I was gonna say I liked your butt, but…”. Funny. Like that. The butt is a little saggy. Might be pretty real. The back needs some work. Added a whale tail.

And a wildfire…it needs smoke. I’m stuck in this place of not knowing how to glaze these types of sculptures. I’m going to have to think about it with the other female figure. She’s getting close to dry I think. Maybe. I’m doing it slowly. Anyway, this is fun. I enjoy it.

I’m also enjoying the tracing, although my thumb is sore…not sure if it’s drawing or clay or something else.

I’m up to the 600s. More than a third, less than a half.

I had to start a 4th yard. Lots of big pieces in the figures. Long leg parts.

Probably someone wants to know about the weird eye thing and the doctor. Well, it’s not my eyes. My retinas and optic nerves are fine. They are happy campers. All 10 layers of the retinas are attached firmly. So that’s good. But that means it’s my brain. In fact, we were finally able to figure out that I see it with both eyes…so that rules out the eyes anyway, because I see it in the same place and the same thing. So. I’m getting a brain MRI. Occipital lobe? Also the doc thought maybe it was a migraine aura…for two months? Apparently a possibility. She asked about stress. After I fell out of my chair laughing…well. So I’m keeping a headache diary, even though I’m not really getting headaches. I mean, I am, but they’re the normal kind that come at the end of the school year. Some of them have names and presences attached to them. All very weird. Trying not to think too hard about it. Because that’s more stress. Thanks, brain. Appreciate the message.

Yeah. I mean, not really, because I do still care; I’m just so tired of caring. And managing.

I needed to pick emojis for the next unit.

Seemed fair. The sex ed unit was harder…I’ll let you guess (and no, I did not use an eggplant, although I thought about it for a good long while).

Simba is a good boy.

The bear vs man thing is hysterical…and then so not.

It would be lovely to live in a society that listened to women. And believed them.

Ending with this…Faith Ringgold’s quilt on the cover.

Such amazing stuff. Wish I’d met her.

OK. Really. I can do today. I can. It’s easier than yesterday. I might need a lot of tea. A LOT of tea.

Working Brain Power

Ugh. Tea. More tea. I don’t know what’s up with my sleep these days. I can FALL asleep, which is nice, because that used to be an issue, but after about 2:30 AM, it’s a crapshoot as to whether I’ll STAY asleep. Or toss and turn. Lie there watching the light increase, feel everyone fussing around me, wonder when the alarm will actually ‘wake’ me up. Huh. Could do without it. I get to the end of the day and feel like a mack truck rammed me.

Some drawing has been happening. Not a ton, but some in the last two nights.

OK, maybe that is a lot. I drew a crone; she’s part of a tree, like a Mother Tree overhanging this group of women. She is holding onto war, not because she wants it, but to protect the women from it. I stared at pictures of really old, wrinkled people when drawing her.

Hence the knuckles, which I’m really excited about. This arm is not done. It needs things.

But I’m in love with the hand.

Not so in love with war. The effects of war…on families and children especially. I’ve taught too many kids from the Middle East to ignore the effects of war on kids. Just stop. There’s a lot of anger in the world right now, a lot of people trying to grab a bigger piece of pie instead of trying to make peace. I’m not a fan. So if you’re killing kids or kidnapping people or bombing hospitals or destroying people’s homes? I’m not for you. I may have empathy for things that happen to you or your people; I may want you to have a home, somewhere safe that is yours, but not if that’s how you’re handling it. And I realize sometimes you feel you need to protect yourself (Ukraine, I see you), but I’m not sure that’s legit if you are killing kids or aid workers or health workers in the process. That’s me, though. I’m one person. But this quilt has some war in it. Some aftereffects of war. It’s also going to have some reproductive rights in it, because that’s another kind of war. Another place where I don’t think what people are doing is legit, putting women’s lives at risk, even the aftereffects of forcing pregnancy on one gender and not the other. I wouldn’t choose to force it on anyone…again, I’m thinking about the kids…I want them to be wanted, to be loved. I’ve seen what happens when they’re not.

So all that is in my head as I draw. Clay this afternoon…gonna try to put her back together. We’ll see. I have about 78 things I need to do this weekend, so if I have to come back and do that later, I will, but the goal is today.

Those illustrations are too real. This week was a shitshow. It’s not over yet, but I am only teaching half of today, and it’s independent, shut up, I explained it yesterday, I need you to do things on your own, you’re going to high school in four months for goodness’ sake. I realized I’ve been ON, direct instruction, ALL week, and that is part of the tired. Also revising the curriculum from day to day. Yesterday, I stayed after school for 90 minutes just to get ready for being in a literacy meeting this morning. I had to make a video for the absent kids. I had to copy seating charts, write sub plans, I forgot to put the pens out (I’ll do that this morning), and because I had no projector for two days this week, everything was off. Plus we got voluntold for something next week that thoroughly fucks everything up, and today I get to tell the literacy coaches I’m not doing any more of that for the rest of the school year. I’ll do these meetings and try to plan for next year, but I’m not taking any more time from stuff my kids need for state testing. Sorry. Not sorry.

I don’t need to be violent. Just not tolerating your shit.

Simba misses the boychild. This is his bedtime side-eye. You? I have to sleep with YOU? He does like me. He even cuddles. But there’s not enough room for all of us (cat, dog, two people…luckily the other two cats are staying away at the moment).

OK. Literacy AM. They’re gonna want decisions about next year and I don’t have the working brain power for that right now. And I’ll let them know that. Then teach in the afternoon…should be pretty chill, but you know how that goes. Stand on a corner for afterschool duty. Then go play with clay. Come back, cook dinner, prep art to be delivered tomorrow. Read my book. SLEEP. Although it’s still the SAQA conference, so I’ll be up early. Ugh. No sleep for the weary. At least it will be a weekend.

A Hole in the Middle

Hey. Am I glad it’s Friday? Fuck yeah. This week has been a mother. Not the good kind who takes care of you. The other kind. One more day of school…well, 44 more days of school. Had a third of my kids out yesterday, more like half on Wednesday. And yet we teach on! We’re so close to state testing that we can’t just stop. Since the start and stop of Ramadan are dependent on the sightings of crescent moons, some kids didn’t know when it would start (they should watch the news!). And some came back yesterday…but some said they wouldn’t be back until Monday. And then the other kids seem to be out in sympathy with them? Or? Whatever. Most of this week’s school stress has been adult-related or program-related or organizational-related. This whole year has basically been that. The kids are not horrible…they’re not great sometimes. There’s a lot of apathy that drives us nuts, but there’s no constant bad behaviors that make the days horrible, like last year. So that’s good. It’s just a lot of other stuff: do this, do that, now do this. Ugh. I don’t have time to do all the things.

Anyway, today they are working on a natural selection comic, which is pretty chill, so I can like grade homework or plan space…I should plan space. I’m teaching that a week away. I need to figure that shit out.

So exhaustion. Too many late-night wake-ups, not going to bed early enough. This morning’s blood sugar was high…because I was dreaming? I don’t quite remember what I was dreaming, but it was stressful. Environmentally stressful.

Keep making things. That’s my plan. So I had enlarged a drawing I did before. I had some ideas for a crone quilt, but these women are too young, but that’s OK. I think I can make it work like I want. I don’t like the middle head, so I’ll need to fix that. Anyway, Wednesday night, after pilates and working on school stuff, I started taping this thing together…

I did not finish. There’s a hole in the middle. There’s more legs. It’s going to be big. I’m OK with that.

I also started the handstitching on the binding last night…

I should be able to finish this over the weekend. The Man has a show tonight and my brother and part of his family are in town, but since I need to deliver this next weekend, it needs to be done. Also I need to find some decent matboard in my stash to frame the drawing that will hang with it. Ugh. Time.

Absolutely no clay has been touched since Monday. I was hoping for today, but I have to take two animals to the vet after school for regular tests/etc so they will continue to give us meds.

Luna looks like she’s about to attack Simba, and Simba looks like he knows it. The boychild is working part of the week, so Simba gets to sleep with us. He’s been pretty good.

I did have my stitching meeting last night, so I got this mostly done, except for the flowers…

Check out the book Kitten’s reading.

It’s a very visual way to figure out what things in nature are. I read through a bunch of it Wednesday night when I couldn’t deal with life. It’s always amazing how little we know. Fascinating stuff though.

OK. Watch them draw today, encourage them to be done drawing. Finish planning. Do the other things that need doing. Take animals to the vet, figure out dinner, then go watch the Man’s show, which thank goodness, is early. Then sleep, beautiful sleep. Or maybe stitch for a bit first. Then get a million things done this weekend. No problem.

55% Eclipse

OK. School. 48 days of it. With an eclipse today and Eid tomorrow. I think half our kids will be out for the first 2-3 days for one of those or some weird combination. We only get 55% of the sun covered today, so I’ll pull out the class that starts right after the peak…I’m not sure about the class before, because my prep period is the first 40 minutes or so…I don’t know that my 2nd period will be able to see anything. We’ll see. Also they are ‘fun’, so I’m not sure I want to deal with them outside.

East Coast gets an earthquake…we had a 7.something a week or so ago that I didn’t even feel. Californians. Seriously.

I did buy some weird plants last week…so we’re fucked.

Anyway, should be an interesting day…mostly an exhausted day…ending with a 2-hour staff meeting about literacy. Ugh. What are the odds that the woman in charge of literacy will have any interesting things to say today? I’m so not in the mood. Don’t know if you can tell. Pro? I slept last night. I don’t usually sleep well the Sunday before we go back.

OK, let’s do the art stuff. I cut stuff out Friday night but forgot to take a picture. Actually, I thought I had taken a picture, but it was not on my phone, so did it ever really happen? Here’s Saturday night’s progress.

And last night…I’m almost done.

I’m hoping to get my sewing machine back today or tomorrow so I can quilt that piece that has to be delivered in less than two weeks. If not, I’m probably going to Mom’s. I should probably tell Mom that.

I also finally remembered to take clay pictures. This was at the beginning of yesterday’s session…

The sponge was supporting the arm after I attached it. The wings are for support only. I have holes in the arms to support fabric wings I’d like to make. I wasn’t sure how big to make the supports in the beginning, so I erred on the side of way too small, so yesterday, I added more…

They’ll be hidden from the front by the fabric versions, which I obviously haven’t made yet. Let’s see if this thing survives the kiln first. And we’re weeks away from that happening.

Here’s the chest…

And the back…

I started a head/face, but I’m not sure about it.

It definitely needs a lot of work. And more head stuff. This clay is pretty soft and so I left it to harden up a bit. I’m hoping to go back today to work on it some more.

I also had started to make a mug and realized very quickly that it was way too big to be a mug, so now it’s a planter. I feel like that’s how clay works sometimes. That sculpture also started as a mug. So there we are.

It’s currently upside down so the lip on the top will dry mostly flat. Otherwise it starts sagging.

Those are clouds. The next clay I buy will have more grog in it. I already know that. Although I like how smooth this is. So there’s always trade-offs. The real trade-off at the moment is how much time I can do ceramics each week and still have time for everything else. Augh.

I found this while doing yardwork the other day…

Happy owl pellet.

We had Annie for 24 hours…

Yes, that’s a quilt she’s cuddling with.

A sighting of one of my sold quilts on social media…

Always cool.

And a Saturday evening hike…

Lots of water, lots of flowers…

An alligator lizard…

And some dumbass version of an alligator…

Why do we have to spray paint nature y’all?

Baby bunny not quite smart enough to realize we can still see it.

Does not bode well for its survival.

Well, we’re back. Mostly to crazy rat-race tendencies. Not enough time to do anything. Ugh. Gonna go take my meds, pack up my lunch, find a sweatshirt, make more tea, and gird my loins for the sleeping and whining and phones out and hopefully a cool eclipse experience and a chill staff meeting (ha…that last one). Then time with clay and fabric, and maybe sewing. Hopefully. Yeah.

A Day Late…

A day late. That’s OK. I was in the mountains. I forgot it was Friday. Today is Saturday. If I keep telling you what the days are, maybe I will remember them myself. I have doctors’ appointments next week; I have to remember to go to them.

We were up on Palomar Mountain for a couple of days…one full day really. It was nice. It was cold. There was still snow up there. We had a discount to stay in a really nice yurt and it was cool.

These are nice yurts (Baileys on Palomar)…take advantage of discounts if you can. We had a mid-week discount. I’m pretty sure it’s snowing up there right now though, so I’m glad we came home yesterday.

Inside was warm, sometimes too warm. But nice.

My drawing brain was mostly out of it. This one isn’t going anywhere.

And this one might. Maybe.

We couldn’t get a fire started the first night…pretty sure the wood was wet from the previous storm. The second night, after 5 firestarters and some weird juju of frustration (the Man’s, not mine…or the fire’s, for that matter), the fire started and kept going…me drawing by the fire…

The Man telling me about something circular…

It was cold out. I think this was still firestarter fire, not real fire.

Eventually we got cold and came back inside and got violent and slappy with this game.

I won.

That was after hiking to Palomar Observatory, which I’d never been to. The hike wasn’t hard or long…well, it was 5.3 miles with 800 feet of elevation. So not too bad. Certainly my legs were feeling it yesterday.

Those are some really big acorns…

My app says Canyon Live Oak. Acorns and their caps fascinate me. I brought caps home. Dunno what I’m going to do with them.

It’s funny, I only saw the observatory once from the hike until we were on our way back.

It was cool. San Jacinto in the distance…definitely snow up there too.

It was a nice day to hike…mostly not hot, mostly not too cold.

Definitely at elevation snow. Not a lot by the time we got there.

I stitched a little too…finished this block.

I remembered a chalk pencil for the bike. Started another block while I was there.

Forgot the proof of life picture. Yes! We were in the same place together.

It happens.

We came back, cleaned up, I peed some dogs. The one on the right is hunting bees. Or bunnies. Hard to say which.

Stood in line for 3 hours at a quilt store that’s closing so I could use up my gift card and my mom’s too, because she showed up halfway through and handed me more. Then held my place in line so I could find more stuff to buy. She’s a good mom. I’m supposed to be at the ceramics studio right now but there was a full on flood-level band of rain that came through and dropped like half an inch of rain, so I didn’t drive in it. I will now, because I think that band is done and I can wait out the next one. There’s an art opening at Oceanside Museum of Art tonight, though, and that’s gonna be a slog if it’s still raining this hard. Ah well.

Last night, I suffered cats. Lots of them.

They missed us. And then I finished trimming this one…

Time to sort and then to iron. Meanwhile the girlchild and friend camped in the Northern California band of this storm last night. They were not washed away.

There is a tent under there. There is also a rain fly. The tarp is just extra. I wonder if there is a tarp underneath as well? Hmmm. Did we train her well? Maybe not.

OK. Art opening tonight. Ceramics studio for now: gonna see what came out of the kiln plus do another level on what I’m building…maybe start something new? I need to be back here by 3 PM I think. Ugh. I’m sure it made sense to sign up for things weeks ago, but today’s brain is not up for it. Typical.