No Discrimination Here, Squirrel*

Huh. Yeah. OK. This week. I started a blog post. Internet (or lack thereof) just ate it.

Some weeks…some days…I get up and I eat my breakfast and take my meds and get showered and dressed and shuffle through. And it’s already a trial, so I do that thing in my head where I try to talk myself through it or persuade myself there’s some light at the end of some shortish tunnel. But some days. Weeks. Are just hard. October was a bitch. November can only be better.

It has to be. There’s no other way to go but up. Cooler weather (90 on Saturday. Shit.). Days off from school (piles to grade). Shut up brain. A chance to hike. Maybe go to the movies. Just be instead of having to be it all.

So eventually last night I got up off the couch (I was trying to grade…until I just plain gave up) and started tracing the new deadline. I’m really tired of deadlines. I need to stop thinking of them as a deadline and think of them as a way to make another quilt. But themes kick my ass at the moment. I’m tired of themes. I just wanna make stuff.

So maybe I will figure that shit out.

I didn’t get far, somewhere into the high 50s. But that’s OK.

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There’s only 800 pieces in this one…so about 8-9 hours of tracing. Probably not getting that done before the weekend, especially not with Trimester 1 ending and a field trip. Really I should just go back to bed and take a few days off. Ha!

Calli’s got it. She understands.

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Here’s the one I couldn’t post yesterday. I decided it was a laser for radiation therapy. They probably don’t really look like that at all, but tough shit. I’m OK if I’m the only one who understands my art. Today at least.

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Ugh. This mood. Sucks. Operation take care of Kathy. Going to the gym and reading my book tonight. That’s a start.

*Outkast, The Way You Move

Guess It Will Have to Wait

The tech issues continue to plague me. They’re sending a tech out Saturday. Now they think it’s the external lines. Woo hoo! “You just need to have someone home at a random time during the day.” “Do dogs count?” I guess everyone has someone waiting around to deal with the internet provider. Oh well. I’m struggling here, but surviving with waves of internet on and waves of internet off. But grades are due this weekend, and I don’t want to do that in a Starbucks.

Yesterday was mentally exhausting. I think I added up the field trip numbers 17 times and got a different answer each time. So it was an actual requirement to walk the dogs last night…especially since with the time change on Sunday, I’ll be lucky to do that after school for a good four months or so…

The sky rewarded me.

Kitten was chilly, so I didn’t get much attention from her…she wants me to iron things so she has a space heater.

It’s really not cold here compared to where the kids are.

I finished drawing. I told you it needed a dinosaur.

It’s the first time I’ve put a dinosaur in a quilt.

I tried to persuade the little dog that the big dog would let him curl up next to her. He didn’t believe me.

She’s warm, little boy.

I finished drawing an eyeball, like you do…

Gave her some weather…

And though ’twas late, in good Kathy fashion, I stayed up way too late numbering shit. Hey! Only 803 pieces.

Not bad.

I’m having to do this from my phone, as the computer is being an asshole. Which is too bad, because I have this edited photo on the computer that won’t freakin’ load of one of the things I drew originally on this drawing…and I’m not sure what it is.

Guess it will have to wait.

Don’t Matter What I Do*

Internet is sorta resolved. I spent hours on it this weekend, and I’ll need professional help at some point, but for now, I’m mostly up and running. Slowly. (“I’ll need professional help”… ha ha ha. Story of my life. Seriously though…it would be nice to be able to fix something without help.)

So it was an insanely busy weekend. But I managed some drawing time…like I wrote on Saturday, I’d decided one of the problems with this drawing was the existing head. It wasn’t quite right…her expression was off. At least for what I wanted.

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Then I filled in with white paper…this thing is like a Frankenstein drawing with all the things I keep cutting off.

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That’s as far as I got Saturday…and then last night, I started drawing in. No the old head isn’t staying. She’s just watching…

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I still don’t think this thing is done. For one reason…there’s no dinosaur yet. And there needs to be a dinosaur (can’t think if I’ve ever put a dino in a quilt? Don’t think so…it’s about time.).

I’m using this Google extension Momentum on my home and work computers. It makes you write a focus each day…Sunday was impressive. But the to-do list went from 16 or so things to just 5, so I did good.

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I made the semi-last-minute decision to add a cloud to this thing, but was trying to figure out how to attach it without the staple gun that I’m pretty sure is at my ex’s house. The animals were not helping.

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Yes. I made a cloud out of fabric and stuffed it. I might make more.

This came in the mail on Saturday.

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Obviously I’m on the Turmoil side of that with my Goddess of Never-Ending Chaos…

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It’s hard not going to the opening, but oh well. People are there seeing her, vulva and boobs and all. No there’s no penis. Why? Because she’s a goddess and the only appropriate place for a penis in that scenario is perhaps in her hand. Of which she has 10.

So she’s premiering in Houston, Texas, right now at IQF, which I think officially starts Wednesday or Thursday.

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That quilt has a lot going on in it.

Then over the weekend, Quilts=Art=Quilts opened with two of my quilts…although I haven’t seen pictures of them yet at the show…

Here’s Finding Peace (Bathtub 5)…

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And the ever cheery You Make Me Wanna Die…

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Yeah. That one. Crazy painful. Or painful crazy. However you wanna look at it.

So hopefully people saw those too. No penises in any of them…although technically there’s a male in that one. Maybe 2.

OK. Well it’s Monday. I have an early parent meeting. It’s Halloween, so everyone will be dressed up. The teachers have this thing for themes. They annoy me, the themes (well, sometimes the teachers too). This year is Heroes and Villains. I debated Trump. But I decided to make a different statement…I’m going as Ms. Marvel, the Muslim female Captain Marvel. Easy costume from one of the covers. Way easier than last year’s cow costume, which was hot as hell…but kinda like wearing pajamas.

I’m hoping to come home, walk dogs, and then finish this drawing, maybe even number it…OR make more clouds. Whichever makes more sense to me at the time. I am so not ready for it to be November. Sheesh. Not sure where the month went, but it went. My deadlines. Yikes. And I think I’m supposed to hear about 3 entries in the next two days. Knock on wood. I don’t need to get into all of them, but one would be nice.

*The Style Council, Don’t Matter What I Do

In This Time, Give It To Me Easy*

Technology is frustrating me. My pool is frustrating me. The neighbor who is blasting PBS radio to the whole neighborhood is frustrating me. ICloud is frustrating me. My internet is frustrating me. Or maybe that’s the wifi or the router or the repeater or the modem. Fuck if I know. My schedule is frustrating me. My to-do list is frustrating me (notice a theme yet?). Shit. Seriously.

The only plus is that Sears finally sent me a check for the service they never did (probably my swearing at the 9th person I talked to when she told me that they installed on the 25th of August and my husband let them in might have been the impetus for them to finally write a check. Don’t make shit up, Sears. I fucking hate that.).

Last night, I fought tech and then graded stuff for a while and played with puppy, and finally had to leave the house. Just to find a brain. I went and watched music for a while and then came back and couldn’t function at all. I varnished the nightstand again. It’s got three coats and that might be enough.

I stared at the drawing…

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And couldn’t decide what to draw. There’s no point in fighting it. I can’t MAKE stuff come out on paper. It has to go with the idea I’m working with on this one. I wish it didn’t. Part of the problem is that this original drawing is months old, so I have to reacquaint myself both with the drawing and the ideas behind it. Apparently that worked down in the leg area, but up here around the head? And the head is part of the problem. I already cut off the bird that I originally drew because it was god-awful, but I’m not real happy with the face either. I’m seriously debating cutting her head off.

Seems appropriate for Halloween weekend. In fact, yes. I’m going to cut her head off.

So there we are.

I still need to trim this up a little for the opening next week. Not a big time consumer there, but I had this pair of pajama pants lying on it that needs fixing, and then I was thinking they needed to be part of the show too. Not sure.

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I guess this brings up a whole bunch of ideas about who sleeps naked (um. It’s hot here. I have hot flashes. Did I mention hot?). I don’t ever actually sleep in pajamas. I live in them in the mornings on weekends and after school if I know I’m not going anywhere, but I take them off to go to bed. Too hot (see hot above). So I don’t know. I’ll think about it.

This was last night, after music, when I was feeling spectacularly unmotivated to do shit.

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Apparently I am an animal magnet. Hi guys. You’re not helping.

OK. Cut off her head. Draw a new one. Draw a bunch of other related shit. Number it and start tracing it because Deadlines Abound! My SIL offered to fly me up to Seattle for Thanksgiving, but I really need to stay here and make art for 9 days straight. Tempting. But no. Work. Also. Grade a bunch of shit. Input it into the grade program. Try to make kids get a clue about how grades work (I can’t grade invisible things. I am not that special.).

Tonight? Apparently crash some Halloween party to support the band (that’s what I did last night, but it was probate lawyers. Yeah. I know.). Also go to one art show and drop some coloring books at a local gallery. I gots a plan.

*The Zombies, Time of the Season

Wrong Way on a One-Way Track*

Well the wifi is strangely working again today. It was only one side of the house, you see. I actually powered up the ancient Mac Mini and did grades last night in the kids’ sanctuary. Pain in the ass. I figured it was the repeater dying or something, but today it’s fine…which means either it’s still dying, but this is a gasp of renewed life, or it’s the damn cable company screwing stuff up somehow. I don’t have time (or patience) for that. Too much to do.

The Feminist Artists Coloring Books are going to be in two galleries after this weekend, plus the Women’s Museum. Plus it’s on Amazon. Plus there’s me…trying to make back my investment and earn some money for the group’s next big show. Plus maybe even pay me for some of my time. What a concept in the art world, eh? Paid for your time.

Anyway, the nightstand has another coat of varnish on it…it’s making it look deeper somehow…although not in a philosophical sense. I think at least one or two more coats.

But I was frustrated this week, trying to get done with the nightstand, AND all the grading I have weighing me down. And realizing I have another deadline in December (wow, I actually get a whole MONTH or more)…plus deadlines piling up in the spring. I had pulled the beginnings of the drawing for the one in December…and I just couldn’t do much more than tape more paper to it. Very creative process that.

Until I finally just penciled some stuff in. Ironic after drawing a ton of stuff on the nightstand without penciling anything in (didn’t think the paper would hold up to lots of erasing), last night, I needed graphite support. But once I started, it got easier…

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I was missing the normal quiltmaking process. Drawing on the nightstand was artmaking, but it wasn’t the same. I’m still not even sure about the product. The quilts though…they have a satisfying finish to them.

I’m still fascinated with layers below the ground, with digging around down under there, or what’s hiding under there. So I put her in a hole in the ground. I’m still debating a dinosaur somewhere in the distance.

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Anyway. So this is the next one in process. I’m trying not to add a ton of tiny pieces (don’t look at the snake’s face and you might just believe me). This school year is stressing me out and I need a break from it. I think art is going to be the only place I get that, honestly. Although I’ll be glad to have the deadlines behind me.

I’m just really glad to be starting a new quilt. Really. And yes, I need to grade like crazy over the next week, but hopefully I’ll get a good start on this quilt too. And start drawing for the next two major deadlines. Which I think are right on top of each other. Yikes. No stress. Grinding my teeth dammit. It’s only October. And the next unit in science? I don’t fully understand it. Minor issue. It’ll be a relief when we get to photosynthesis and cell respiration. I know that shit. And I know a shitload more about elements and the periodic table and atoms now than I did two months ago. So there we are. I’ll be fine. It just feels really stressful in the moment to realize you either don’t remember anything, or that they’ve discovered new shit that you didn’t even know about because you were focusing on a different portion of the science world. Yeah. I’m not feeling stupid or anything. Sigh.

*Soul Asylum, Runaway Train

Can’t Stop the World*

Well first of all, I’ve been working on this beast technically since June, I think, but it’s finally done. I created and edited the Feminist Artists Coloring Book for one of my local art groups, and I’m really excited about it…first because I think it’s an awesome idea and second because now I have the skills to make my own. It has 47 drawings by 18 of our feminist artists, ranging from nice and simple (you could even zentangle a few) to super complicated. Topics are adult, so this is not a kid’s coloring book. It includes three of my drawings, one of which actually exists as a quilt…

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You can find it on Amazon here…or if you know me and live locally, send me an email and we’ll figure something out.

Here’s one of my drawings that’s in there. nida_3-revise-small

YES! The next step is to make my own coloring book. Give me a minute to get there though, because I’m a little buried at the moment.

When it gets crazy at school, our natural tendencies come out…this is me and my co-teacher in science. Yes. These are our yearbook photos. Next year, we’ll actually plan ahead and do something even weirder.

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Katie was really trying to entertain little Mr. Annoying last night. I was playing tug o’ war with him and then she grabbed the end and dragged him off. I think she was trying to help.

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Or she’s just jealous when he gets all the toys (yeah, that).

Eventually the big dogs calmed down, while the little one went on a rampage throughout the house. He’s kinda driving me nuts…

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I was trying to work on this. I did OK. There’s a lot left to do. A lot more than I thought.

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It doesn’t help that I graded first, so I didn’t even start until almost 11 PM. One of the other artists came over to pick up coloring books, and she said it would look good. I’m still not sure about it, but at this point, I’m just going to keep going.

Because I really don’t have a choice!

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The next two deadlines are weighing on me as well.

Meanwhile, this weekend? I’m not getting any of this done. But that’s OK.

*Modern English, Can’t Stop the World

Lovin’ Is What I Got*

Ah my brain is fuzz. I blame the 150-pound raccoon on my property. Long story.

So I think I’m done with the quilted piece. I want to trim some of the batting away, but I think as far as the show goes, it’s really done. I may rethink it once this show is over.

So now I have to focus on the nightstand itself. Ugh. My brain. First of all, it’s hard for me to draw on something that is upright in front of me. And not flat. But I started.

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I’m not sold on it yet…it needs a lot more. Seriously. This is one side and it’s not done. I kind of hate it at the moment. Artists are supposed to admit that shit. I do have more book pages I can paste on over it if I really hate it.

My brain was blanking last night, though. So I went to bed and started brainstorming other things I would draw on there. Dreams. Hopes. Nightmares. What do we write books about? Why do we read books? Pretty much that’s everything, right? I’ll work on it more tonight. Some of the things I think of aren’t easy to portray in a drawing. Oh well. Still working.

I made it to book club finally last night, after like 5 months of not being able to go. I read all the books for each month. I just couldn’t get there. Amusingly, last night it was about a book I had last read in the mid-80s. But I’ve read the whole series. So I could talk about the whole thing. I just couldn’t remember what specifically happened in the first book. I just wanted to get the hell out of the house and be with other intelligent humans. So I achieved that.

I was amused by this.

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Because Calli is on Katie’s bed. Simba is way too small for Calli’s bed (can I please please sleep on the big dog’s bed?), and Katie gets nothing. Simba has to be crated because he doesn’t behave at night.

Eventually everyone got a bed. Even me.

OK. That’s all I got.

*Sublime, What I Got

Using Your Headphones to Drown out Your Mind*

Artmaking is the core of my existence. It really is. I’m not happy without it. If I look back over the years, when I was just out of school, first married, I made art a few days a week. I actually had a studio downtown for a while, which was nice, but still…I had a life outside of that. I went places. I hung out with my husband. I worked on the yard. Walked the dog. I still did art…probably a good amount, because I made about 6-10 new pieces a year (this is before quilting, so screenprints). I entered shows and got rejections and acceptances and shipped stuff all over the US.

Then the kids came along and that kind of put a minor wrench into it. It was a lot harder to find the time, so I shifted from screenprinting to making quilts, because I didn’t need big blocks of time and I could carry parts of it around with me. It wasn’t a quick shift. It took a long time to figure out how to do what I wanted to do. Sometimes I think I’ve figured too much out about the how…it’s not a challenge any more. And then I remember all the images I want to make into fabric, and I tell myself to shut up. I do about one piece a year that’s a challenge, usually for this feminist artist group I’m in. So I’m good. I usually get significantly frustrated with the process and feel some relief at going back to what I usually do. So I guess that’s good. “I’ll never do THAT again,” is often how I feel after one of those.

Now the kids are at college, gone 3/4 of the year, and even though I do have some social stuff, I mostly do art. Yeah, I’m an introvert, so honestly, at the end of a school day, I need fewer people around anyway. I need some quiet space.

So I have two for this feminist group at the moment…the fabric one is going OK…not TOO out of the box…I pinbasted the top part…batting and a backing even. Like a quilt. Going onto a bed…

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So I’m making a quilt of someone sleeping on a bed. To go on a bed. Weird.

My cat…because she’s there almost every night…I’ve always had a cat in the bed.

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Here she is modeling for her next cameo

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Oh yeah. And before I did all that (and made dinner and graded stuff), I walked the dogs. It was nice. Not hot (unlike what it will be later this week). We got the whole three miles in. Only one horse (two of the dogs go a little bonkers at horses…I have to stand off the trail and rein them in).

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I found yesterday very frustrating. I’m getting a lot of that this year. Some difficult kids. Trying to build a relationship with someone who acts like an idiot most of the time is a challenge in itself. I’m not sure I always have the patience for it. Sometimes I’d really just rather find a job that doesn’t follow me home and stress me out. Then just make more art.

*Regina Spektor, Eet

I Can’t Do Much from Way out Here*

Yeah. I took the weekend off writing. It really was just that I ran out of time. I regularly take Sunday off, but Saturday started with places I had to be, things I had to do, and I never got caught up enough to write. I got a lot done, though…so I guess that’s good. I’m still a little panicked about deadlines and having too much to do this week, but I’ll survive. I’m a few steps closer to being done with what has to be done.

I had ironing to do on Saturday…but Kitten really thinks of the iron as her own space heater…

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I was trying to figure out how to attach the sheet to the background fabric and keep the bottom free, but also leave the possibility of finishing the top as a wall quilt.

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For this show, I want it to hang free…but I don’t know if I want that in the long term…

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So I figured that out, marked the fabric, cut and washed the background, and then headed off to the Visions opening (more on that later), plus band watching. I draw in bars a lot…this because I like the music, and I do sometimes dance, but I’m often in there for 4 hours or so, and that’s a long time for someone like me to just SIT there. So I draw.

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I did two drawings…I don’t think this one is done…

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Nice shadows though.

Sunday, after spending most of the day dealing with household stuff and a ton of grading (I think I described it as grading until my eyes bled), I finally got back to the problem…So I didn’t want a visible stitch line, because I want it to look like the sheet is just pulled up. So I started with Wonder Under underneath…

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And once I had it attached, I hand-stitched the top and the folds…

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Because if I want all that to hold when it’s hung on the wall, it’s got to be more than Wonder Under…you can see the stitching on the back…

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Then I laid out the pieces where they belonged. I had to put another layer of white under her butt so the sheet wouldn’t show through so badly.

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And then I did the stitch down, which took less than an hour, compared to the two hours it took me to get it all on there today.

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I got it all stitched down…here’s the back.

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I don’t even remember what my time estimates were before, but the ironing took a lot longer than I thought, mostly because of the sheet. Hopefully tonight I can sandwich it and start quilting. This is a crappy busy week, though, and I still need to draw on the nightstand. Sigh.

I’ll figure it out. I always do. I think I’m OK on time, actually, so I should stop panicking…but this week feels tight already. Starting with today, because I didn’t prep for today’s lab AND I have before-school duty…so I really need to be at school early. I’d much rather make art…honestly.

*Freedy Johnston, Save Yourself City Girl

There’s a Place That We Belong*

It’s Friday. That’s a good thing. Unless you’re trying to get a doctor’s appointment as soon as possible. Insert crying/laughing face here. Oh well. Urgent care on Friday after school it is. Nothing major…just an allergic reaction I think. Love my body’s immune system. It goes into overdrive for the stupidest shit. It would be fine if it weren’t constantly evolving. Intelligent design, my ass.

So when I got home and was done with dinner, peppered by texting from the kids about politics (well, the girlchild jumped ship early on that one), I went straight to the studio. I had updated the coloring book files, fixed the two typos and the one picture issue, and submitted the new files for review. This thing is almost done! Hallelujah.

But I also need to finish these two projects for the same deadline.

I ironed…

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I lost part of the cat’s ear for about an hour, but then it reappeared. I actually did really well with all these parts…nothing lost permanently.

It was a fussy iron though…lots of tiny pieces.

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I originally guessed 2-3 hours and it was just under 3 last night…but I still need to iron it to a background and engineer the sheet part. So that will take a while.

Here’s the second 100 pieces all laid out for me. You can see all the tiny pieces in the top half. Finger wrinkles and baby faces…

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So I didn’t really get anything else done last night except this…

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Good progress though. Hopefully she’ll get completely ironed down tonight. And maybe even stitched down. We’ll see. That’s the plan anyway.

I have pens for this now, nice new ones. But I didn’t draw last night. I sent this picture to the kids and they were worried about how sad puppy looked.

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Well yeah, he’s sad because I won’t come sit with him (I did eventually and then all he did was bite me). I’m not a good dog entertainer when I’m working.

All our ballots showed up yesterday. Time to vote! Then I can really ignore all the drama. I’ve been trying, although the media certainly doesn’t want me to give up on it. Please tell me how I can lose my right to vote. Please remind me that I’m a second-class citizen for having a uterus…god forbid all of us who aren’t straight white males have rights in this world. I’m often confused by the things people say, supposedly intelligent people, about how I’m imagining the war on women, that it’s not really that bad. Oh yeah? BE ONE. That doesn’t even touch on being someone who’s not white or not straight or not a round peg in the round hole. So frustrated with humans right now. Moving to a really big island and taking the sane people with me.

*Peter Gabriel (with Kate Bush), Don’t Give Up