Golden Dreams Were Shiny Days*

‘Twas better yesterday. The labs were a bit smoother than before. Mostly I dealt with kids who can’t work with other people. I’m having a hard time getting stuff done at home though. I’m really tired…even went to bed early (ish) last night (before midnight). Really tired is usually a message from the body, and I try to pay attention to those. I didn’t try sewing on the machine yesterday though…another deadline popped up. So I tried to deal with that…a friend has written a performance piece and wanted a drawing. I’ve been sitting on it for months because it was hard to wrap my head around it. I’m not particularly good at drawing to commission. To theme? Even then, it’s a crapshoot. My version of the theme is often not the organizer’s version. I’m not sure my brain sees what y’all see. I don’t know because all I have is my brain, but I know that words and music put images in my head that don’t necessarily match others’ perceptions. I’m OK with that, but in a situation like this, I just have to hope that what I see is what they see (it probably isn’t).

Anyway, I started drawings about 7 times…this one was doing OK until I got to the legs and the guy, but it’s OK…I used it for the next three iterations.

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So this is where I’m at now…then I was sort of frozen because I hadn’t put the other figure in and I was afraid I was gonna fuck it up.

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So I’ll try to do the other figure and the rest of the tree tonight. So that’s why I didn’t sew, although I could have at that point. Maybe. I just wasn’t in the mood to fuss with the machine.

I spent most of the night with animals…it was cold…

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There is no room for people on my couches. At some point, they all moved around and I got three in a row…

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I took a break from drawing to do the feathery leaves around the P…

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Then I had two of them back…

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A yin yang of furballs.

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Not the most productive night…but whatever. I’m trying not to get frustrated with myself for not being further along on this quilt, but it is what it is. I’m stressed. I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m doing the best I can right now. Much like many of us, I think. So hopefully tonight I’ll finish the drawing and then go back to the stitch down. Hopefully the machine will behave.

*Earth, Wind, and Fire, September

Karma Police, Arrest This Man*

Plagued by frustration this week. Really. So what is one to do? Well actually DOING does help, although sometimes, like last night, it causes additional frustration. At some point, sleep is the only option.

I did start stitching down at a fairly early hour, and was mostly successful…

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Although the tension was having issues, which is more than a little frustrating. I’m thinking it needs adjusting of some sort. It seems really random. So I kept trying to get it to its happy place (and me to mine).

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And then I broke a needle (still not sure how) and then I couldn’t get it to anywhere happy at all. I rethreaded everything. Tried everything.

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Finally turned it off and walked away. Fucker. It better work tonight. I did finally bring the other one home, and it does work as long as it doesn’t get too hot (not a problem this week), so I can throw it in for a while if this keeps happening. But so frustrating…because there doesn’t seem to be a logical reason for the lame-i-tude. I hate not being able to fix it myself. How long have I been sewing? 42 years? I should be able to make it work.

That was after a frustrating day at school. So. Hopefully today will be better, because this week is kicking my butt and I’m not even halfway through.

Sometimes puppies help with that and sometimes they’re just bitey assholes. You pick.

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I added the orange stars and crosses on the left. Gonna fill in all that space around the words.

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I pulled the beanbag out of my son’s room into my office, so the puppy could sleep in there while I’m stitching. But this is what happened. And she’s scary, so he just stares at her. Now I feel bad, because Simba really did think that was his beanbag. Sigh.

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My daily ball-throwing exercise…once they had decided they were too tired to run any more.

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Calli gave up way before Simba did. He would just leap over her.

OK. Well. I have a plan if the machine continues to create stitch nests. I’m not sure I have a plan for how to deal with students being frustrating today, but I’ll work on it. I know they don’t think things through and I have to remind them of 17 million things, which frustrates me as well. Today will be different than yesterday. I just have to keep telling myself that. Also true of the big picture…the political stuff is weighing on me. I just keep taking tiny actions, because that’s what I can do. And not engaging with those who still think I don’t have a right to object. There’s really no relief at the moment.

*Radiohead, Karma Police

Pressure Pushing Down on Me*

I’m feeling. Yup. There we are. I write postcards to my senators yesterday, amusingly, because I’m in California and they’re both women, Democrat women. But I expect more from them because of that. My local guys, well, that’s another thing. They’re gonna get me in person. A voter and teacher in their district…maybe they don’t have a clue that not everyone is is a white Made in America. That seems unlikely, but whatever.

So I came home from a staff meeting where I felt frustrated. I’m an adult, not a young one, and I know how I learn, how I retain information. And I’m back to an authority figure who won’t respect that. Sigh. The first one I remember was maybe 2nd or 3rd grade? My mom handled that. But now I’m not allowed to use technology to take notes. So to keep art brain entertained, because otherwise she causes issues, I drew.

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The principal was talking (incorrectly) about nuclear fission and fusion…hence the nuclear power cooling towers. I can’t explain the rest. It would make a nice coloring book image maybe. It’s not even done. I brought it home.

I did all my school and political stuff after that…and then made dinner. Honestly, my brain wasn’t into anything last night. Just tired. And frustrated. Three animals in this picture, two of them on or very close to me.

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Then I stitched the last word. Now to fill in with all the stitches.

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I stitched down for a little while. The dogs needed a lot of entertainment yesterday, so I didn’t get much done. Here it is piled up on the sewing machine to keep the cats off it.

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I’m hoping I have a better attitude toward it tonight. Hard to say. It’s a long process. And sometimes frustrating. The machine is having some random issues that make me swear at it. I finally threw out the end of the spool of Sulky transparent thread, because it was behaving so badly. I don’t like wasting supplies, but it was causing me to waste time, which is more important than the throwing-out part. But it’s still having some issues. Oh well.

Sigh. OK. Gotta go to school, much as I don’t want to. Days and days of labs…kinda driving me nuts. A couple classes are fine, but one is remarkably incapable of reading instructions. And the clean up. Sigh. Geez, I’ve got a great feeling going into today. Meditate on the way to work?

*Queen and David Bowie, Under Pressure

This One Goes Out to the One I Love*

‘Twas a busy weekend…a march, two meetings, two openings, some level of exhaustion. School prep and grading in the middle of it. I’m still short a printer cartridge, so I can’t print anything. I think I have enough groceries for the week. I think the house and yard are still intact, although more and more damp and muddy each day.

The Women’s March was an amazing thing. A wondrous and beautiful (although slightly damp, thanks go to the other Kathy for buying me a poncho at the last minute) thing. I saw a friend I hadn’t seen for years…

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And in Boston, my daughter marched as well.

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And in Seattle, my SIL and niece; in Ithaca, my son…and about 5000 of my closest friends throughout the world (and another 3 million I’ve never met?). I feel for those women who feel like it wasn’t about them. I read one FB friend’s account of a pro-lifer told not to attend. I would have no issue with a pro-lifer marching right next to me. My real problem is when they take away my choice. I don’t want to take away theirs…I want to make sure they have all the choices available to them so they can personally make the best choice for them. They often do not want the same for me. So I guess my politics are clear. It’s funny…because some of those same people think my quilts are beautiful and amazing, but they often have these messages running through them. I guess that explains why the one quilt I did two years ago that was politics-free and only a beautiful creature covered in plants and animals (it had its own politics there) was one of the most popular quilts I posted.

The politics aren’t going away. They’re gonna get louder. There’s no other way to go through the next 4 years…loud. Nasty. Adamant. Insert your favorite descriptive word here.

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So that was all good. And now I’m continuing not just to protest with art, but also with action where I can find it…I’m starting here: with 10 actions in 100 days. I can’t go stand in my representative’s offices (although I keep getting invited to town hall coffees and the like…I’m going to make an effort to show up to some of those), and it’s really hard for me to make phone calls, just because of my job, but I can write and do other things. And draw. I can do that.

So sometime last night, late, I was going to start stitching down. I had one piece that was missing, a forehead wrinkle. I had found it flopping around and put it in the box to iron down when I ironed everything to the background, and then it disappeared. I couldn’t find it anywhere. Oh well, I thought. I guess she wasn’t meant to have that forehead wrinkle.

And then yesterday morning, there it was, in the middle of the hallway floor. Uh huh. So cat, right? Yup. Cat.

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I did iron it on before I started stitching down. There’s Simba!

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I took a break about an hour in…to do my stitching for the day. Saturday night, I managed the stitching for both Friday and Saturday, which was the curly bullions to the left of Long and the thick green grass and the & for the rest of the phrase. Then last night, I did the pink stitching to the top right…they have a name, but they always look like bulls heads to me, and then some french knots to finish off the thread.

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Then I found renewed energy for the stitch down (often happens when it’s late) and went back to it…

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I was trying to finish the bottom part of the stove…just to have a place to aim for…

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And then I realized how late it was and went to bed…

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But as you can see, there’s some feminist commentary going on in this piece. That’s always been there. It’s not going away. I don’t foresee any just-pretty quilts coming in the near future. Sorry. Not sorry.

*R.E.M., The One I Love

I Am Thinking of Your Voice*

So I’m up way too early, earlier than I would be for work, but it’s for a good cause. It’s often hard to get women to show up, to come together…after the last 6 months of political crazy, after listening to some of my more conservative friends continue to throw support at Mr. Crazy, despite his hate-mongering, while trying to make art in the middle of all this…I need to go out and be with a bunch of people who feel the same…or at least similarly. We all have our issues, our pressure points.

So we march. We protest because we live in a country based on freedom of voice. We’re allowed to say what we think, sometimes a bit too much of course (um, Presidential tweets for example). Personally, right now, I don’t have enough caffeine in me to make any great statements except I march.

And that’s the spirit in which I am making this quilt. Yesterday I made it to the quilt store after work, avoiding a flooded freeway and a mile-long backup on surface streets (thank you phone maps!). When I had bought the background fabric before, I forgot to add a border around the image, so it wasn’t enough fabric. I had two choices: buy all new, but more of it, or see if I could find the original one and just buy 2 more yards. The latter was my plan, but as I was pulling that fabric off the shelf, the one next to it started screaming at me. Huh. OK. So I bought it too. Because it will all get used…trust me.

I had to piece it…twice. This is a big fucking quilt guys. Seriously big.

Then I started ironing the funny bits and pieces I had in a pile onto the background fabric.

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Usually when they’re this big, I have to do them on the entryway floor, but this one is relatively long and skinny (if 60″ is skinny), so I chose to do it on the ironing board. It worked really well…

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So here you can see the one I picked versus the one I originally chose (on top). It was just a little too purple.

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And 2 1/2 hours later, here we are…

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Yeah. It needs outlining, desperately, but it’s good. I like it.

It’s gonna take a monster shitload of time to stitch down and quilt. Sigh. Oh well. I don’t think I’ll be done in January like I wanted to be. Another oh well. The plus is I think it will fill a wall…the one I was originally going to put three pieces on…and then thought two? I think this one is big enough to go all by itself with room to breathe. But we’ll see.

I didn’t do Year of Stitches last night…I’ll catch up Sunday I think. Or maybe tonight. Or this afternoon. There are some options for free time, depending on how everything rolls.

Meanwhile, Here was chosen for the Art Quilt Retrospective book that SAQA is putting out. Cool. But I took the picture myself on an ancient camera and it needs a new one. Quick.

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But first I have to find it, because my quilt storage is currently a disaster. And I haven’t been able to lift the rolls up onto the shelves by myself this year, so then I just keep piling them in my bedroom and that’s not working. I need a better storage system. So I pulled everything and piled it on the girlchild’s bed.

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I need a solution by the time she comes home. Better than the three giant burritos of quilts that I currently have.

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I found Here and ironed it and dehaired it for the photographer tomorrow. My to-do list this weekend is deadly. But I got this. Clouds are clearing and hopefully the rain is out of the forecast for a few hours. I lost no branches or trees in yesterday’s downpour. Yeah, there’s water in the garage, but that’s nothing new. This new quilt is gonna be awesome. I’m going to keep making art throughout this presidency, just like I always do…and I’ll keep making political art, even when I don’t think I’m making it political…because that’s what I do.

*Suzanne Vega, Tom’s Diner

I Follow Where My Mind Goes*

Today I wear all black. Today is gloomy and dark and excessive water drops from the sky. Tomorrow I march for everyone that won’t or can’t. I’m pleased to see so many of my friends will be there with me, whether here in San Diego or in other cities or just in their heads.

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The start of a new drawing for the next quilt. I have to think about keeping it small…although my deadlines have changed all of a sudden. I was drawing because I couldn’t get any further on the current project…

I started ironing the hair and head…

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Got it all done…

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Then the heads above…

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In a cloud…

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Then I realized I’d miscalculated how much fabric I would need for the background. This fucker is huge. So I need to go shopping after school. Which sucks because I wanted to be done last night…oh well. It’s only 20 hours of ironing so far.

I stitched more on here…the pink flowers and (hard to see…bad lighting) the anchor stitches on the herringbone.

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Petting dogs makes them and you happy. Notice how he sticks his bone between the couch cushions to hold it? He’s a pretty smart puppy.

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Even Kitten ventured out to see what I was doing out of the studio.

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I drew after that. Needed to start the next drawing, at least some version of it. And that’s how I was feeling.

Opening today at the Erie Museum of Art is Earth Stories…this is my piece Wise Choice…

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This piece is about the choices Planned Parenthood provides to women around the world, mostly through the science of birth control, giving women control of their futures. There was some controversy about my picking this group in the beginning, but I would not change my mind and eventually got the support I needed to do a quilt about this group. The show opens today and continues through June 11.

On a lighter note, because I’m gonna need some of that today, here’s some of the science supplies that arrived the other day. It’s a good thing our principal doesn’t read the labels of what we’ve got in the lab…we’ll be opening a new craft beer brewery to support our science classroom costs sometime soon.

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Or not.

In other news, I have two pussy hats…one from a friend (which I’m going to give away today or tomorrow to someone who needs one) and one by my mom (which I’m wearing).

Yes. I considered wearing it to school. But my principal wants to avoid WWIII. So I’m ready. Peace out.

*Psychedelic Furs, Love My Way

I Know Those Lights Still Call You*

Well. Yesterday. Yeah. At some point I went into overload. I think that was around 11 AM yesterday. And it just kept coming! At some point, you just stop dealing and start ironing instead.

First of all, I’d like to thank Betsy…whoever she is. This was in my driveway.

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Her message is a little late but appreciated anyway. Whoever she is.

Boychild was stranded in Newark last night until tonight, and wasn’t sure what to do. So I sent him some options. I love trying to get this kid in and out of Ithaca. I should just buy him a car. It would be easier. Possibly cheaper.

The fun part is he’s not even flying into Ithaca tonight. He still has to get there from Syracuse. The options are limited. I can put him in another hotel or put him in a taxi. I don’t envy him these trips. Apparently grad school might be located closer to a major airport.

I emailed this to a few students. Apparently telling them to Google That Shit all the time is not something they can handle. So I did it for them.

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Seriously people. I did also explain it in class. But this is the kind of thing that frustrates me. And then I realize I’m becoming easily frustrated because I’m overwhelmed or emotional or all of the above. That was yesterday.

I don’t know what’s going on here. I just started stitching flowery leafy bits.

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So I gave up on all that shit, trying to get boychild home, figure out phone upgrades and phone plans, answer a multitude of emails, organize a photo shoot, figure out where to be on Saturday. And I ironed.

As far as Saturday is concerned, first of all, I used to be one of those people who stood in front of Planned Parenthood and escorted people in during the years of bombing places where women go to get health assistance. What is Saturday’s Women’s March about? Feminism? Solidarity? Reminding people that we have a voice and opinions and we’re allowed by law and morality and ethics and biology to have those? Reminding people there are a shitload of us? Standing with a bunch of women (and men and children) across the country, the world even, and having some hope for the next four years, despite the bassackwards slide I’ve seen toward women in the last ten years? Yeah. Fuck yeah. If you don’t agree, then stay home. If you agree but don’t want to march, that’s fine. I’ll do it for you. Or not. And if it looks like we’re protesting Trump’s existence and nominees, then so be it. I’m OK with that. I have the right to protest anything in this country that pisses me off and/or hurts other people. That’s why we live here…because this country gives us that right.

Pictures of hat to follow (was not that organized last night).

I started by ironing intestines. And Christmas lights. I don’t know if I can explain that, except to say that if I pull open my torso, I would hope there would be Christmas lights in there.

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I ironed all the innards.

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Then came the fun part. I pulled the rest of the torso off the teflon sheet and piled it up.

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And then made the innards fit in that hole…with the zipper.

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What’s miraculous is that it fit! No really. It’s always a crapshoot. Some quilts are better behaved than others. This one has been good so far.

Then I started the neck. I thought about starting the head, but it’s a lot of overlapping snaky hair and it was already after midnight.

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More delays. That whole day job thing is cramping my style. Tonight? The head, the cloud, and hopefully down to a background.

The dogs were quiet yesterday without all their entertaining friends. When I told Simba to go to bed, he got up, crawled onto Calli’s bed, and curled up next to her. I felt really really bad making him go in the crate, but he’s awful otherwise.

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He’s been much calmer since the kids have been home. He needs more people interaction. That makes me feel bad…especially since I’m going to be gone all Saturday. But I warned his other people, so hopefully they’ll come release him relatively early.

Today I go back to school, the home of those who think they are already done with yesterday’s assignment. Oh no, my chickadees. You will write a scientific claim with evidence and reasoning that includes more than made-up stuff that you thought was in the video. Because I will make you. Trust me. I am way more stubborn than you are.

*The Alarm, Spirit of ’76

Control Your Poison, Babe*

Up early. Two meetings before school even starts, then off to the district office for (cough cough useless) professional development, then BACK to school to teach the rest of the day. Meanwhile, boychild flies back to school. Damn. All the feels. Stress AND sad and all the other crap. Stress levels are way too high. Deep breathing before I deal with kids. Or parents. Or admin for that matter. Maybe should go back to bed. I was so busy ironing and trying to get to the next part last night that I forgot to go to bed early. It wouldn’t have worked anyway…I wasn’t physically tired enough to fall asleep. That part sucks.

The good part is at least it’s not raining yet. And I might get some work done at the PD this morning (we’ll see if that’s a thing). And I might finish ironing tonight. Maybe. A girl can dream.

I started on the hands…they’re pretty light in color, so it’s going to take stitching line and ink to make them stand out.

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But there’s one side, with the sperm gauntlet. You know, like you do.

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And then the other side, with its corresponding egg gauntlet. She’s the ultimate mom, I guess. Got all the parts. Or maybe those gauntlets are the ultimate birth control. I also ironed the skeleton in where it belonged on the left side.

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All this will show up much better on a dark background for sure. I will start on the innards tonight, and then there’s the head and the cloud above it and I’m done. Ha. I’m not going to be done tonight. I wanted to be, but I did two hours last night and only really got through the 1000s and a super tiny bit of the 1100s. I’m at 16 1/2 hours…I’m guessing 3-4 more. Then stitch down. I probably won’t get to that until Sunday night, if I’m lucky, and since we’ll be underwater (stormwatch!) by then, there will be no electricity. I do live on a hill though. Maybe there’s a chance I’ll survive.

One year of stitches…second word.

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I’m gonna decorate the shit outta those letters. Once I finish that goofy phrase. Originally (after a very bad day) I was going to add FUCK to the sampler, but then decided against it. Although it’s still in my head.

Calli wondering when she might be fed. She doesn’t tell time very well.

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Head down. Deep breaths. The drawing voice in my head is very loud.

*Lady Gaga, Just Dance

Settle Down, It’ll All Be Clear*

I love how I always feel guilty the first work morning after a 3-day weekend where I’ve completely blown off school…OK, not completely, because I was AT school yesterday trying to get organized. I got sort of organized. But I didn’t take any science units home to grade. I didn’t even finish the warmups from last week, the easiest thing to grade. I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in the mood to iron, though. In fact, I wanted to be done yesterday, but that’s not happening. I have about a thousand pieces ironed down, which leaves about 350 or so pieces to go. That’s about 3-4 hours, plus then ironing it down to a background. So it’s gonna be a couple of days before I finish. If I’m lucky.

Honestly I didn’t start yesterday until after 8:30 PM…again, too many things to do. And it doesn’t look like I got much done…I ironed this to go on the skull…

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And then put it on the skull. I also added another scapula piece underneath the right side of the ribs, because it looked weird before without it.

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Those little figures took a good long while to put together…lots of overlaps.

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And then the rest of the lower torso, minus the zippered part.

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I stopped there because it was after midnight. Tonight, I’ll have to figure out how to attach the skeleton to this…and decide if I’m adding the stove now or later. Probably later…this thing will get pretty unwieldy and heavy if I have the whole ironed-together piece hanging off the ironing board.

I realized the boychild was leaving soon (my yard/house helper). I’d already had him help me with the Christmas stuff, putting it away, but we still had one more rain barrel to install. As he said, unless I wanted it to sit there for six months. There’s too many things around the house that take two people to do. So even though it was getting dark, we went out there with the dogs and installed it (it was easier than the first one)…

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Simba was happy to play in the succulents. No, I don’t know what’s on his face, but it didn’t come off easily.

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At least that is done. It’s the only yard thing I really accomplished over break.

So for 1 year of stitches, I did the one word (there are more to come) in stem stitch but didn’t love it.

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I don’t tear stuff out. I went back and whipped it, whipped it good. It looks much better.

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Remember that for lettering…it’s better as a whipped stem stitch. Just holds together better. Now you can guess what the rest of the words might be. This might be a test of how well you know me.

OK, lots of work and art to be happening in the next week. Lots of time sucks as well. And if you’re in San Diego, maybe you got that breaking news alert: 6 straight days of rain! Oh my. After living in the UK for a year (300 straight days of rain!), I am amused. Although honestly, everything is so saturated, it’s mostly going to be runoff…into my rain barrels! I probably need 10 or 12 more to catch all of it…seriously, it looks like 3-4 inches, which sometimes is our annual rainfall.

Anyway. I have that to look forward to…but today? Sunny and pleasant. Enjoying that while I can. Not really, since I’m in a classroom all day. I love that finding a balance between my personal life and my job is like a protest. Something to keep in mind.

*Phillip Phillips, Home

‘Cause She’s Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone…*

I didn’t start ironing until late…after 8 PM. But I still did almost 4 hours last night…they were almost 4 very slow hours, though…lots of small fussy pieces. I started with this crazy peach/hand tree…

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It’s hard to see the hands because the teflon sheet I’m ironing on is white…the background will be a darker blue, though, so it will be clear.

Puppies who will miss all the kids around…

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And then I started on the skeleton…more tiny fussy pieces. Again, this will be on a darker background…

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The skeleton took a good long time to put together. It also has about 150 pieces in it.

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I accidentally touched the side of the iron…more than once, actually. This is the worst of the burns.

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Whoops. You should see my scissors callous.

Now looking at this picture, I think the right side needs a scapula…just a little bit of it under her armpit. Damn. OK. I’ll figure that out later today. I have to go to school and feed a cat and do a bunch of other shit.

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Then I can add a scapula.

I didn’t do yesterday’s one stitch until this morning while I was waiting for the cheese to melt. It’s the stars at the bottom. I had to move the hoop again. I’m going to need to find my spring hoops. They’re in the house somewhere.

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Worst part about yesterday was taking girlchild to the airport. That is her luggage at the top of the stairs. I thought she was following me, but she went back inside to hug the dogs again.

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These guys. Who miss her too.

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Can’t think too much about the part where I’m living alone again. At least I’ll know where the scissors are. And who got that dish dirty. The rest of it just sucks.

*John Mayer, Dreaming with a Broken Heart