Loudly.

Lots of people ask me how I do art stuff every day (and I don’t…I’d like to, but…), and the reality is that I have a fairly hefty art drive that MAKES me make almost every day, and if I don’t, I start to feel off, cranky, bereft, pissed off, sad, ugh, growly etc. So I try to balance all the other shit I’m supposed to do AND make art every night, and one of the number one drives toward retirement is the way my day job has sucked all of that time away from me and just takes more and more and more. Since COVID in 2020, I can’t get that balance. I can’t get enough art time. And I just get more and more frustrated with the time demands. Beyond frustrated. Art Brain is like a little kid who was promised time to do something they really love (read a book, swim in the pool, go to the beach) and then it’s a no. And not a good explanation for why (because I have to work). So of course it pitches a fit. You would too. Right now, Art Brain is counting the days until Spring Break (21 days, 16 actual days in school) so it can do more fun things. I haven’t told it about all the house things we have to do, because we can’t afford a weeklong camping trip like we usually do. So yeah. BUT…I am going to start a big drawing between now and then (need to finish some art stuff first) so I have one going for the end of the school year. To get me through. To PULL me through, because I think that’s what it’s gonna take.

So all I’ve been doing the last two nights is sewing binding on (and grading shit because the trimester ends today).

I do like sewing binding by hand. It’s relaxing. And those two colors are fucking awesome. And it’s for someone I really love. So it’s OK. But I’m also glad it’s done. Well. Almost.

Nova is such a sweetheart. She bumps her head up and starts kneading the air (and sometimes me)…

She’d be ON me if I’d let her. But it’s hard to stitch when she is. So she settles for there. And when Simba is here, HE’S there. And those are good things. The quilt is done except for one area on the back where some stitches did something that I can’t quite figure out (looks like a knot), so I need to tease it apart, tie it off, and maybe requilt that bit. And THEN it’s done, which is good, because the baby shower is tomorrow afternoon. But when it’s done, I can do my own stuff. Well, sort of. Because I’m doing an interpretation of somebody else’s stuff first and trying to make it my own and I’m not at the point yet where it feels like mine.

I did have a mental aha moment Wednesday night when I realized how to combine the ceramics and the quilts. So I’m going to try that. The girlchild is also taking ceramics and we had a cool conversation by text last night about that stuff. I do appreciate the change in medium and want to try to continue. We’ll see how that works, if I can make the two work together. It’s worth a try.

In other news, it’s Friday (OMG THANK THE GODDESS). Stressful week…both in trying to get kids to think and do things, but also in trying to get stuff set up for the next unit and there’s a field trip that may or may not happen and OMG there’s some other counseling thing that they haven’t told us about yet. I just want to come home and read my book and draw for a bit and stitch for a bit and trace for a bit. And get some yardwork done before it overwhelms me (too late; it already has). And clean house things because they’re gross. And not feel like I’m not allowed to have the time to make art because the day job is so all encompassing…do it for the KIDS. Hate that. I do it for the kids all the time. On the daily. Constantly. Wake up to thinking about them, worrying about them, trying to figure out how to engage them and help them learn. Fall asleep to it. It’s never-ending. I need some time off from that. Also I need some time off so I can plan the next unit. Which is thinking about them. Ah well. Art. It calls. Loudly.