Think but This, and All Is Mended…

Today was better. I drew last night for 2+ hours. I think that made a difference. It certainly wasn’t exercise (did that) or sleep (didn’t do that) or a decent meal (sort of) or anything else that happened during the day. I read a little, I meditated, but the drawing was what helped me focus my brain on something BESIDES all the crap and the sad. It’s strange, because I’m actually DRAWING the sad out, but somehow in being in that creative space, in the deep drawing alpha brain, the emotional stuff is flowing from my brain through my fingers out the pen and ink onto the paper, and it seems to stay out of my eyeballs and tear ducts. The emotions are there, but they’re not acting on me. I think the biggest problem is that sometimes I’m so emotional that I just CAN’T draw, I can’t even put pen to paper. So there’s some balance, fine line, cosmic something going on there. I can’t force myself to draw, but if I’m in the right frame of mind, it all comes spilling out.

Not so today. Today was busy. School was busy. After school was busy. The kids, their dad, and I made our annual pilgrimage to the local Shakespeare festival to see Midsummer Night’s Dream, one of my favorites. I’ve seen it 3 or 4 times on the stage, and another 2 or 3 times in movies or on video. This presentation was good, and it continues through September 29 at the Lowell Davies Festival Theater, the outdoor theater near the Old Globe in Balboa Park, San Diego. I love this theater. We go to two or three plays each festival season and enjoy all of them, but this one was especially good, with wonderful fairy costumes and a great Oberon character. I almost lost myself completely in it. That’s a good thing. We were lucky to get free tickets this year through a friend of the ex’s, who also got us food and drinks (we owe him)…and we had front-row seats, so we could see the fairies up close (one was planking in front of us). I love that my teenagers laugh at Shakespeare’s jokes. Next week is Merchant of Venice.

Oberon and Puck

(Oberon and Puck, photo by Jim Cox)

And yes, I’ve come back exhausted, but maybe that too is a good thing. Falling asleep has been an issue, but I’ve managed to stay asleep for 4-5 hours each night. I’m like a baby sleeping through at 6 months, eh? Sad but true. If I take myself to bed with my book tonight, maybe I can fall asleep quickly and dream of Oberon and Puck tweaking my fate, dusting my eyelids with potions that make everything wrong then right. Fairies chirping and gurgling in my sleep. Nice to think someone might be watching over you.

Tomorrow I can draw some more. In fact, I think I will just draw every night, and when someone wants to know why I haven’t graded anything, I will just tell them that I was drawing instead. I’m sure that will be OK.

“If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends”

 

–Midsummer Night’s Dream, William Shakespeare

I do need Puck to come around and fix everything for me…

One thought on “Think but This, and All Is Mended…

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