The Power

Hokay. Wednesday. I’m a little tired, I must say. Not sure why. Rejiggering my lesson plan for today, I think. Some catchup, some kids finishing stuff up, instead of starting the next thing. I may do a piece of the next thing, but I have two classes that need to finish yesterday’s thing still. It’s OK. It’s fast. But I hate having classes on different things. It’s just easier when they’re all in the same range of stuff. It’s Back-to-School Night tonight…set for 5 PM, which makes more sense for parents, but it means I have 90 minutes after school where I’m just there. I have grading to do and will do it, so I don’t have to bring it home (the first batch of progress reports are due next week, which seems really early). I have a lot of work to get through. I really just want to finish my book though. And finish another one by Monday for book club. I had to finally buy that one, because it was still 5 weeks out at the library.

Artmaking is going slowly. I am not giving myself enough time because of grading, unfortunately. It sucks. I hate it. I guess I lose Sunday afternoons? I don’t know any other way to do this. I feel like I lose half the Saturdays too. UGH. So I traced the two little pieces onto Wonder Under, which took almost no time at all…

And last night, I cut them out…

Superfast. Hopefully I’ll have the energy tonight to iron them to fabric. I’m not holding out much hope, but some.

Monday, I worked on glazing the mug still…

Anybody who’s thinking, oh, Nida will make a bunch of these and sell them…HA! My god, they take so long. Which is fine. I’ve always been more about the process than having a product to sell…obviously.

This already has 10 hours into it.

Consider time, materials, firing fees…

Completely unaffordable. Sorry y’all. This is not going to be a second (third? fourth?) income generator for me. And I’m OK with that.

Enjoy the video in the round.

That long thin quilt is going to this show…

In Miami, Florida. As soon as it’s back from the photographer. It still needs a name, but I think I had one somewhere. I just need to figure out where.

OK. School. Ugh. Redo plan for the day. Get the kids working independently for at least half of class time. Grade things. Prep for next week. Try to figure out how to efficiently grade the thing the other teacher fucked up. Sigh. Spend more of my prep time not prepping. Yesterday started badly with a last-minute switch of two resource kids who need support into a class with no support, literally 2 minutes before they were supposed to show up to my class. They needed seats, they needed to be added to my Google Classroom, they needed to be told not to delete themselves out of the other classroom until I graded things. FUCK. And no support? So that put me over 20% resource kids in that class, so after my complaints and reminders of how shit should work, I have support in there today. But the long string of emails leading up to that last one? I could have been included. So I would’ve known. But no. Not important. So my mindset during prep was to put on loud music with lots of swear words and grade all the makeup work so it was off my plate. Pro? That last bit.

Anyway. Today will be better. I command it. And I don’t have to try to cook after pilates, like last night, cooking after 7:30 PM. Tonight the Man cooks and I collapse. With my book, hopefully.

One Way or Another

Still trying to find a balance. It’s way too easy to fall into the habits of previous years, where work follows you home. I did work last night…and the night before…and the day before that. I’m not getting enough done at school; we’re setting up labs during prep and trying to figure out what we’re teaching next. There’s adjustments…plus not everyone has computers, so we still need stuff on paper, and then our building’s copier is broken (again), so we have to compete for a copier. And I’m trying to grade one academic thing because I know there’s another one coming today. It’s not hard; it’s all just time-consuming. Plus we had to meet yesterday to explain (justify?) the way we grade in science. And the teacher making the complaint didn’t even show up to the meeting. Love that. Well it’s done. And realistically, we never really hit a balance until the end of September. It’s not even the end of August. Yikes!

Art is slow too. Just getting the time and energy at the end of the day is hard. I’m almost done with this one…Monday night…ironed the main figure…

Last night, ironed a bunch of bits and pieces…

The two side heads, the eyeballs, etc. This is all I have left to do…

Some buildings, a bird, some hair, lips. I’ll be done tonight finally. Then cutting them out.

I did make it to clay yesterday…checked the boot…

I could underglaze it Friday…if I remember to bring the underglazes. I didn’t yesterday. The bag is also drying…but it will have glaze after bisque. Need to buy that glaze.

I worked on the mug…

Apparently I’m trying to make it as lumpy/bumpy and bulky as possible.

Seems that way…

It keeps me occupied at least.

Today. At least I don’t have to be at school early. Although it is unknown if the other teacher expects us to have prepped all her labs for today (I didn’t finish yesterday…we don’t start until tomorrow). I need to go fight for the copier because of the kids with no computers. I have one loaner and an iPad that I can’t figure out how to make it connect to the kids’ accounts. And more than one kid without a computer in more than one class. I have pilates after school. And I’m cooking dinner. So there are three more classes of that academic thing that need grading, and I’m not going to get to it at school today probably. Which is unfortunate. Not gonna think about that right now. Right now, I’m going to finish this cup of tea, wash my dishes, make more tea, take my meds, and head for school. The rest will figure itself out, one way or another.

NOW It’s Friday…

OK. NOW it’s Friday. Yesterday was NOT Friday, despite my brain repeatedly trying to make it so. It’s fine. I’m tired. We’re all tired. We’re all already behind on school stuff. Very little that is supposed to be done by today is actually done. I stayed an hour at work yesterday to finally type my rosters up. Sure, I could use the school ones, but they drive me bonkers, and I add stuff like nicknames and tutorial teachers for the special ed kids so I know who to bug about missing work. Makes MY life easier. Once it’s done. I have to start grading things today. Fun times. I also need to find the demo stuff for today when I get to school, plus lock everything up because the district is doing this mock Williams Act thing where they inspect our classrooms and make sure every kid is assigned a book, except science doesn’t have books, so we have to show them digitally, but not every kid had a computer until yesterday afternoon (and some STILL don’t), so there was no point in going through the process until everyone had one. So they come today and we are explaining today. PLUS, we get a school board member touring today…stay the fuck out of my classroom. Yay!

Anyway, we’ll get to a routine. The kids are starting to test the boundaries with gum, food, games, phones, airpods, and dress code…fun times. Oh yeah, and throwing things. I might need to stay after school more than an hour today to get seating charts done.

So I’ve been short on art time most nights. I cooked late Wednesday because of pilates and getting all the trash ready for pickup and IDK what else I did. So I finished cleaning up the studio finally and picked the fabric for the background of this one, and laid out the first 100 pieces.

Not much…cleaning took a long time…a few hours. I swept the floor even…didn’t mop though.

Last night, I started late because I ate late because I had my stitching Zoom…but I got a few pieces ironed.

Honestly this piece isn’t very big…hopefully it’ll be done sometime in the next few days.

At my stitching Zoom (during the Zoom? At the couch?), I worked on embellishing the flowers around the edges.

Not quick. But I finished one…that I started during dinner TV hour sometime this week…

They’re not hard, unless you’re tired, and then reading instructions is hard. Stitching is not hard. Progress.

Nova has taken to hiding in the hammock because the kitten can’t reach her.

His neutering is maybe scheduled. He was sleeping with me last night, and then he wasn’t (he bit my knee at some point), and then he was again, and then he wasn’t. I get it, Nova. I’d sleep in a hammock too if I could.

Bowie trying to figure out how to attack Luna from below. Luna contemplating landing on Bowie.

I don’t think I fell asleep until 1 AM because of the cats and dog moving around and making noise (barking at whatever was on the roof…nice, Simba). Not a lot of sleep all week.

Apparently the Man’s car resembles enough of a naturescape that this praying mantis was hanging out.

OK. Go to school, lock up all the cabinets so they think we don’t have chemicals in a science classroom, then find the demo stuff. Wait. Find the demo stuff, THEN lock everything up. Teach kids how to access a digital curriculum we never wanted and will probably never use, then teach about energy…while we have none…ironically. Get through the whole day, work some more after school, and then go to ceramics and try to figure out what I’m doing next. All good. It’s Friday.

Teeth Chaos…

Hey. Monday. Too early. Too much. Bright sun, blue skies. Still pretty chill…morning air…but we know what you’re gonna do for the next three days…be hot. Not a huge fan of the hot. Don’t really feel ready to teach today, but what’s new? I tried not working all weekend, until I remembered there were a few things I actually needed to do. It’s a balance…I spent an hour typing kids’ names and printing their pictures. I sent a parent email. In three languages. It’s OK. Friday self wasn’t prepared to get the classroom set up for Monday, so I need to do some things this morning. I’m not quite into the routine yet…after two full days with kids. This week? It’s the first full week of teaching. It’s gonna be tiring. But it’s not hard teaching. Reminds me: I need to find my apron for tomorrow.

OK, so artwise, I wasn’t super productive because the girlchild was here and there was stuff. Plus I needed an oil change…and to finish a book. Very important. And recover from school.

So I finished cutting out all the Wonder Under for the newest quilt, which is pretty small. This was Friday night’s progress…

After taking a nap on the couch and trying to figure out what dinner looked like because everyone left.

Saturday night, I was more awake…

Finished it up and then sorted it…

There’s less than 400 pieces, so it was fast. Next step is cleaning the studio, putting all the fabric away from the last quilt, so I can start ironing for this one. I did not do that last night.

Saturday, the girlchild and I went to ceramics. I finished up the basic shape of my mug…

Very lumpy bumpy. Gotta work on that, but it was getting too wobbly for that. Girlchild made two things…a bag…

And then a cowboy boot…on the left…

Both need a little work, firing, and glazing, so those will end up on my to-do list. Fun to hang out with her and clay though. I realized I have like no pictures of her from this weekend except that. And we took no family photos last night at dinner. Totally out of it. I keep meaning to do those things and forgetting. I do have Bowie helping to hold my book up.

Not really. He does like to lean on an iPad though.

I said no to one of said roles last week.

Life/work balance y’all. And J.D. Vance? You’re a dick.

Although I guess technically you could argue I take care of kids, if by ‘take care’ you mean ‘educate for the future’. I’m with the princess. Where do men come up with this shit? I hope his wife has read Lysistrata and is withholding until he stops being such a dick.

Here’s my brain.

I just realized I could see all my brain pictures on the app, so I’m totally using one in a drawing in the future. This one is nice. Teeth chaos in the front.

And this is from the book I’m reading. I can’t decide if she’s being serious or making fun.

I’ll keep reading…maybe it will become obvious.

OK. Teaching safety today. Some other general sciencey stuff too. Two staff meetings, ugh. Then driving the girlchild to the airport. Fun times. I’m tired, it’s true. I often am. Hoping to figure out the sleep thing soon…doesn’t help that there’s a kitten who sleeps like a 1-year-old…or worse…actually, maybe like a 4-month-old. Not up every two hours…he gets a solid five. But that’s it. Neutering is in his future. Should help.

A Lot of Hope

Hey. Yo. It’s Friday. I’m tired. I have survived the first day of actual school with kids. It was fine. Too much talking. I have a new prep period; kind of adjusting to that. It’s earlier but not by much. Definitely had a pulled muscle yesterday, but I think it was from pilates on Wednesday. After school, I did a 1-hour round trip (rush-hour traffic with accidents as a side) to drop another quilt with my photographer. That’s three. It’s cool. I feel like I finished some stuff this year finally.

I traced the last two nights…

Either Bowie is slightly better at listening, or I’m better at picking kitten sleepy times to trace. I had to move him off the light table to be in zoom with stitching friends and trace, but he was so tired, he just curled up again and went back to sleep.

And I managed to finish tracing…

Small quilt, small pieces, not very many of them. Compared to the bigger ones. And then I started cutting them out. This is where small is not so fun.

I started. I will continue. Probably tonight, but who knows? I’m missing the Man’s show tonight…

The girlchild is here, I’m exhausted, the boychild is home from fires. I just wanna hang out. Watch, they’ll both just disappear and I’ll be home on the couch with all the furry beasts. That also might be OK. The Man has a ton of weddings coming up in the next 6 weeks…wants to sneak me in. I don’t mind crashing like birthday parties and stuff, but weddings are dress-up things. Not doing it. So lots of Saturday nights coming up where I will just have to sit around and make art? Hmmm. Pros and cons.

Ceramics-wise, I know two of my things came out of the bisque fire fine…the base of the world figure is there on the right.

The top part is still drying. And the sgraffito thing I made for the garden stake thing they’re doing…it’s there in the middle bottom.

The clay is really light for the background. Wondering about getting some black clay for a sgraffito thing. I just don’t need 25 pounds of it. Hmmm. Anyway, I haven’t been able to get to the studio yet…maybe tomorrow. I also need to fill a tire with air, possibly get new tires, put oil in my car, and also washer fluid. All that popped up in the last week or so. Sigh. Couldn’t do that over the summer when I had plenty of time? Nah.

School! Here’s the 8th-grade team (minus the combo team). We’re back together after…um…2 years?

Yes, we have matching shirts, but science went for a darker gray. I would have gone even darker if there’d been an option. They like their super light colors. I do not.

Here’s my specific team, again.

IDK how many years we’ve been a team, but it’s been a long while. The principal thought about breaking us up because there were so many new teachers, to spread us out. I’m glad he didn’t.

Sometimes they drive me nuts, but that’s true of all teams. And no, I don’t get to be on the same floor as them. So they talk about stuff up there and think I know what they’re talking about. I don’t.

My district passed that stupid parent info thing that violates state law. And some states do this stupid shit.

There’s a local election in November. If it goes a certain way and the dumbasses are in charge, the next 5 years are gonna be shit for teachers in our district. Please vote intelligently. Research the stories you post and make sure they are the truth and not made-up-shit, because I see so much of that. And it’s exhausting. And if you’re trying to friend me on Facebook and we don’t have a personal connection, and you have a picture of Trump and his fist in the air with his tiny ear scratch as your main photo? Don’t friend me. I’ve been unfriending a lot. I keep some because of that personal connection, but I do sometimes question their sanity. Kids first. Your adult agendas need to consider that if your child tells their teacher their pronoun/name preference and NOT YOU, it is because YOU ARE NOT THE SAFE SPACE. You do WANT teachers to be a safe space, right? Well then don’t fuck with our ability to be that. And figure your own parenting shit out on your own time.

Welcome to my TedTalk. Oh, yeah, today is a chill day in science…some vocab, some cover pages, some coloring. I’m in for it. Plus trying to learn kids’ names (hard!) and get ahead of next week for once. Sundays free! Hopefully. I have a lot of hope for life-work balance this year.

Because I Do…

OK. Midweek. No kids yet…they start tomorrow. I’ve sat through a ton of meetings, including a really stupid school board meeting that is gonna cost thousands to fix (why are we passing things that are against state law?). Plus I had an EEG with sleep deprivation…26 electrodes stuck onto my scalp, then got to go back to work after that. Yesterday was LOOOONG. I was up at 4:15, per instructions, at work by 6:15 (I worked here first because the alarms at school were on…and maybe I set them off yesterday, because now they’re telling us a later time. Whoops! I searched through my email and found an earlier time, so who the fuck knows what happened there.), worked until 11:30, when I went for the EEG, came back, worked some more, went home and showered gel and crap out of my hair, then to the school board meeting. Home. Cooked. Ugh. I remember how hard it is to get up off the couch after all that and DO something. But I did. Because I do. I packed up the big quilt to deliver to the photographer tomorrow. Had to iron it and dehair it and wrap it up. THEN it was 10:10 PM and I still wanted to do real art, like something besides paperwork and gruntwork.

So on the art front, I’m going to have a piece in an upcoming show about women’s rights, called We Got the Power, based on the story of Lysistrata. The CAMP Gallery in Miami, Florida, has been doing an annual show of art related to literature, called Women Pulling at the Threads of Social Discourse and this is this year’s version. I did a drawing back in June/July and was accepted based on that. But now I need to make the actual piece. It’s small. It’ll be easy. Well, but it’s complicated, because…me. It’s got about 390 pieces in it I started tracing Monday night…

I forgot what it was like to do this with a kitten in the house. Luckily, it’s small. And Bowie mostly listens to ‘no’. With Luna, I just had to wait for her to be asleep to trace.

The pieces are small too, so it’s going pretty fast, although most of this was Monday night. Last night, I got about 30 minutes after getting that quilt ready to go.

Much easier when he’s asleep.

I’m somewhere in the 200s. Not very far in. Tonight I need to pick up the girlchild from the airport, plus I’m fucking exhausted from yesterday, and kids start at school tomorrow, so I have to be awake, alert, and not cranky. First day. Yikes. All that to say, I don’t think I’m getting this fully traced tonight…it’ll probably be done tomorrow night.

Monday, I went to ceramics and put two things on the drying rack, after finishing this up last week. There will be some glaze added after the bisque firing.

And some iron oxide. I also started a mug. Like a real mug. To drink tea out of. Both my mugs (the ones I like to use) have cracks in them. In fact, there might be three with cracks, now that I think about it. So I am preemptively making a new mug. We’ll see how that goes. I have a few non-artsy things to make and this seemed like a good time to do that…finish up the little bits of clay I have before I pick a new type to try. Not sure when I will next be able to go to clay…maybe tomorrow after school? If I’m alive? Oh wait, no, I’m delivering a quilt. Ha! Well. Maybe Friday or Saturday.

There was a fire near where we often hike…

They stopped it, but there’s only one way in and out to the area that I know of, so they were having people shelter in place. Scary. I don’t think it burned the actual part of the reserve we hike, but we might need to go up and hike it. Once it’s safe.

This amuses the crap out of me.

Seriously. I wear all black all the time. When I’m depressed or not. It’s just easier than colors. I know, ironic when you look at my quilts, but black always goes with black. Although there are different shades of black, but they all go together! OK, I know some fashionistas would argue with me, but whatever.

OK. Today currently has three meetings, plus I really do need to get all the school stuff done. Well or do I? Because then what would I do on my prep tomorrow? I know all my preps will be buried eventually, but not yet. I am tired. Really tired. The beginning of the school year is always like this…tiring, sort of anxiety-making, too many meetings, lots of discombobulated rushing around and trying to remember to do things. Plus coming home and realizing you have no free time anymore. I hate that part. But I gotta pay the bills, so that’s how it rolls. OK. More tea. That’s a given.

My Head Is Exploding…

OK. So I managed to do 70 trillion things yesterday to try to make sure I’m ready for ANYTHING: my sub for the next two days, missing my flight Monday afternoon (Alaska Air has already offered me money to switch my flight day, which does not bode well for getting home on time), running out of toilet paper here, the faucet that is failing, a shortage of cotton balls for next Wednesday’s lab…WHATEVER. I feel like my head is exploding. I even had all my breakfasts and lunches planned this week, and then my bosses fell through on today’s breakfast burrito and made it lunch instead…OK, so I have an extra lunch now. I’ll take one on the plane. But the point of the breakfast burrito is that I don’t have a prep during testing, so eating is more complicated on those days, so a solid breakfast helps. Cheerios isn’t gonna do it. Ah well. Roll with it.

I did get two days in the ceramics studio this week, mostly because I’m trying to finish the sgraffito piece so I can work on the OTHER piece…there’s no room on my shelf at the moment. Plus I wanted to make sure all the paper towels were damp for the week I won’t be in there.

So here’s Monday’s progress…all the blues…

Then yesterday, I did the flesh color…

Sorry about all the talking. I forget that people are in the studio while I’m working. Then I add music before I post on Insta, but forget that I would need to download that version. So you get random studio conversations. Ugh. Monday, there was no one else there. It was delightful. Tuesday was busy.

I need some shades of flesh for all the bits I didn’t do. And I realized I should have done the teeth when I did the other whites. Ah well.

And some of the raindrops need touchup.

No clue what I’m going to do with her hair. Definitely red arteries and heart and probably nails.

It’s definitely fun. It’s basically drawing and coloring. On a curvy thing.

So there’s that. Maybe finished mid-June (or 2025…whichever seems more reasonable). No, I need to finish so I can work on the other one.

The cloud/grass planter went into the bisque fire yesterday. That was fast! I’m close to putting the winged creature in for a bisque fire too. Soon. I probably need help with that. The shelf isn’t big enough for me to just put her there.

I’m also doing quilt stuff. Have not stopped that. It’s my late-night art. So really, I’m just doubling up some days. I sorted all the Wonder Under (in two nights) for the new big quilt…

And then realized I had never ironed the last little one together and it’s taking up space in the office. I know it won’t take long, so I’m just doing it.

I cleaned up first, then started setting stuff out. I love this part of quiltmaking, when all the colors come together. I’m going to have so much sewing to do when I get my machine back. Good times.

The Man is trying to make friends with crows.

This one wouldn’t get out of my way when I was trying to go to work yesterday. There are two hanging around. He is just feeding them at the moment…not sure when they start bringing us people’s jewelry, but I think it’s soon.

The proteas are still fascinating…

OK, state science testing is today. I’m a little freaked out by the next 24 hours, but I’m sure I’ll survive. I need to come home and do laundry (after pilates and during book club, apparently), pack, make sure I’m ready because tomorrow is an early start. Gonna be a long day. But we’ll be with family at the end of it, so that’ll be cool. Looking forward to seeing my niece graduate. Yay for her!

Maybe in That Order

OK. This week. Is gonna be a bit nuts. I worked all Saturday morning/afternoon trying to get the alternative assignment done for sex ed. Successful at that. Can’t use the same one they use in 7th grade. That’s silly. But now it actually exists. I have a ton of stuff to get done in the next three days. I spaced out on packing up a quilt this weekend, so that’s after school. So is clay. So is book club. It’s all good. I’ll get through it all. I might even sleep at night. Maybe.

So clay stuff. I finished carving the sgraffito piece and started adding underglaze colors.

It’s going to take a while…

Someone was like, then stop! Don’t do it! It’s fine the way it is!

Maybe. But I want to try what’s in my head. I can always do this again without all the colors. I know how now.

Getting the space to experiment as an established artist is hard. Also people are always telling me what they think I should do.

I really don’t do critiques. I have a voice, I know what I’m doing most of the time. It’s in my head. My SAQA local group met on Zoom yesterday and now they’re setting up critiques, and I’m like, ugh, no. Don’t wanna. It’s fine. I know some people want other people to give them suggestions. I don’t. Thanks.

The tiles got bisque-fired…

They need a clear glaze on top.

Friday night’s dinner drawing.

We had a family dinner Saturday night, so no drawing then.

And then lots of Wonder Under being trimmed…Friday night…

Saturday night…

And I finished Sunday night, just over 10 hours…

I started sorting, but then was reminded that we had to make the bed, and then it was bedtime. So I didn’t finish. Tonight there’s a lot going on, but I’m hoping to finish sorting and get the office organized and cleaned up for ironing to fabrics. I do still have another quilt that is ready to be ironed together. I may start that first. We’ll see. It’s all starting to pile up in here. I have a quilt top that is half stitched down, still waiting for my sewing machine to come home. I know the necessary part was shipped a little over a week ago. Frustrating.

This silly boy apparently had fleas.

Like WTF, that’s why you’re on flea meds. So he got a bath. I didn’t do it.

I spent a little time cleaning up plants on the deck and found this swallowtail cocoon.

It was empty, but it was cool to find, hidden away like that.

OK. I’m very much in survival mode at the moment. Getting stuff done, a little bit at a time. Panicking when I realize something isn’t done. Lots of not sleeping and trying to remember shit. I write a lot of things down and then forget to look at the lists, plus I have phone reminders, but then I ignore them. Good brain. Silly staff meeting today. Hopefully better than the last ones about literacy (unlikely). Then clay. Then pack up quilt. Book club. Sort Wonder Under. Clean office. Maybe in that order.

Head in a Magnet

Well. It is finally Friday. 19 days of school left. Testing for 2 of them. Not gonna be there for 2 of them. Teaching sex ed soon, so that’ll be at the same time easier and harder, depending on my voice and the specific class. Gotta let some of rest of it go…I know who will be in my classroom those two days and I just have to let it go. It’ll be fine. Until it’s not.

I’ve got three days and about 2 1/2 hours of reading until my library book automatically disappears. No problem. Well. I gotta teach today…roller coaster physics. Fun stuff. The kids did awesome on this performance task practice. Really proud of them. Look! I taught them something! Sigh. And I am going to the ceramics studio tonight to get more done on that sgraffito piece…finish carving, maybe start underglaze? We’ll see. Not entirely sure how I’m doing that. Things are easy in class when all the materials are provided…harder if you’re doing it on your own. Have a ton of schoolwork today. I got some done in class yesterday but I don’t think I’ll get much done today unfortunately. Next week though…next week is testing, so let’s hope. Planning has to happen this weekend. I got the egg drop stuff planned, but not the alternative assignment for my 8th-grade opt outs for sex ed. Can’t give them the same shit as last year. There’s an easy option, but it’s boring. I’m not good at the easy option. Tend to double down when I’m buried. Silly really.

Most important problem for next week? What stitching will I take for the plane? What books? I know. ALL the books. I will have to grade while I’m gone. That’s fun. Hopefully it’ll be quick and easy. Hopefully the flight will actually have wifi so I can grade. Better than sitting in a house with all the fam and trying to do it. There’s a ‘dedicated workspace’…it’s a table in the middle of everything. Yeah no. However, sitting on a deck and doing it? That might be OK (or it might be raining and freezing…welcome to Maine in May). It’s all good. It’s new and different. I’m looking forward to it as I’m stressing out about it. Like everything. Brain MRI is scheduled…they wanted to do the same day as my surgery, but I suggested that was problematic. Then they picked the day I get the radiotransmitter thing inserted in my boob for presurgery stuff, which is metal, so that’s out. So now I get to spend 20 minutes on a Saturday with my head in a magnet. Sounds lovely. I should get the results while I’m still teaching. Even more lovely.

We watched the movie Yesterday the last two nights…and it was light and cheesy (good after Baby Reindeer‘s dark and turgid), but the best part, the part that almost made me cry…wait, I don’t wanna spoil it if you want to see it and haven’t…damn, there’s someone who shows up in the movie who is dead in real life. I remember when he died. I was in middle school, it was a rainy morning, because dad was driving us to school, and it was on the radio. Clearly remember it. I didn’t really understand the significance, but I do now. And it was sweet. Lovely. Sad. Or I’m just an emotional exhausted mess and pretty much anything will put me over the top. You decide.

I’ve been cutting things out at night, trying to do a yard a night…or an hour…or both. I was doing really well the first three nights, but last night, this was after an hour and 15 minutes and definitely past my bedtime…

Definitely did not finish that yard. To its credit, there were lots of tiny complicated bits on that yard.

The night before, I finished…

I’ve done a total of almost 5 hours so far…and a little less than 4 yards. I think. Yes. Well, except I had that one small piece with a head and two pieces of hair. Whatever. I’m more than halfway done. Insert arty photo of the same pile of Wonder Under pieces…

Yeah. I know. It is actually relaxing to cut these out. That’s the plus. Boring in photographs. Barely any viewer engagement. Insert photos of ceramics to excite people! Hey those take forever too. I need to get the sgraffito piece done so I have enough shelf space to make the top part of the torso though. Need to use up the clay I have and not buy more of that type too. Ha! That’s my limitation on the world figure…I have a limited amount of that clay. Should be interesting.

ANYWAY. I need to go to school and be productive. I need more tea (I left my teacup in the car the other morning. Almost died.). I need more patience. Seriously, kids, I guess if you WANT to be kicked out, tell me to shut up some more. Love that. Teach roller coasters, let them compete in an escape room…for candy. Go play with clay (very meditative and chill…and Fridays are notoriously quiet at the studio). Then cut things out. Read my book! I can plan school stuff tomorrow…

Mghmghmgh…

MMMMMmmmmm. Imagine an irritable, tired growl with a guttural scratchy losing-my-voice catch to it. Not even sure what letters of the alphabet go with that. Mghmghmghmgh? Something like that. I’m not one of those gratitude people, but I try to think of positive things each day when it’s really hard (code: it’s really hard right now). The kids are…um…challenging. Doing state test review sucks. Trying to come up with stuff for the kids to do after testing but while I’m gone and before sex ed is stressful (although I had a minor breakthrough last night after working from 8 AM to 8 PM…you should try it sometime. Not.). Trying to manage departmental things without my co-chair…fuck me. I might crawl into a hole next year. Certainly this year I say no no no a lot and it doesn’t seem to help. So yeah. Behind on grading still too. And exhausted. Not sleeping. Just my brain…the same brain that is still seeing that swirling cabbage, that gets to call radiology today because it’s been two weeks and they haven’t called me yet to set up a brain MRI. I’ve never put my head in an MRI. I do have some claustrophobic issues. I also meditate well. I think I need blood tests before that test and blood tests before the surgery, but within certain time constraints. Ugh. My head hurts. Ironically. I’m supposed to be keeping a migraine diary but I don’t have migraines…I just have stress headaches and overwork headaches and body needs a massage headaches.

So that’s me this Wednesday. The first two days of the week seem to kick my ass. I wrote more referrals this week in those two days than I’ve written in the last two months. I’ve had two middle-school boy apologies, one stoned-out mumbling complaint and then acknowledgement, and one tantrum on Instagram (he was, not me) that concluded with my telling him to put his head down as I walked away with his computer. Let’s be clear…these kids are going to high school in three months. And they’re acting like 5-year-olds. I get it. Testing is hard. Growing up is hard. But so is dealing with their shit. 21 days. 21 days of my trying to feed my sanity with art and books and apparently yardwork. Yesterday, it was weed whacking, which is surprisingly restorative. So is watering and seeing monarch caterpillars…or protea blooming…or the new bushes I planted thriving. All good.

So. Art. The planter finally got to leather hard a week after the class (note to self for future reference…make it earlier). And I got the tool I needed in the mail, so Monday, I continued carving. I started in class, just did the basic outline of the face and arms. I haven’t finished carving out the background, so there’s still stuff that needs to happen.

But I’m really enjoying this. It’s really just drawing on clay.

You can draw in pencil first, because it will burn off in the kiln, but I didn’t. I just drew with the carving tool.

I see today that there are more details I could add before the next step, which would be adding color in. But realistically, this isn’t something I could sell easily. That’s over three hours so far in making the pot and carving, and I’m nowhere near done.

Carving vertically is a challenge. I did hold it a few times to get a part done, but it’s heavy. Definitely logistics for clay are very different than for fabric.

Definitely enjoying the process though. My brain has to work everything out inside it before I do it, so I’ll be driving to work, mentally working out how to paint this thing. I guess the pro is that I won’t get dementia because I’m overthinking everything under the sun. I don’t think my brain ever stops. Hence lack of sleep, right?

I did finally start cutting out the big quilt. She has a deadline now. Not that it changes how I’ve been working…an hour a night, sometimes more.

Thanks, Simba, for the assist. I set a little goal every week, every night. I want it all cut out and sorted before I leave for Maine next week. I figure an hour to cut out each yard (sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less) and there were 7 yards, so 7 nights? Plus a couple hours of sorting. Should be cut out by Monday, should be sorted by Wednesday. Easy peasy.

Thanks, Nova, for keeping that hip warm. You know, I worked until 9:30 PM last night…not 8. I even worked while I was cooking dinner…this after teaching a lesson on the negative impacts of multitasking in advisory yesterday. Whatever. Reality sometimes means doing more than one thing at a time. I can record videos while the food is cooking, before the next step. It’s true I forgot to empty the dishes out of the sink, but I did it later, after complaining happened.

Whatever. OK. Today. More tea. Definitely. I saw 12:49 AM last night. I must have fallen asleep eventually, but then I saw 4:45 AM too. So we’re thriving!!! Hmmm. Mghmghmgh. Maybe it’s Grhmgrhmgrhm. I don’t know.

Finish planning egg drop stuff. Make a table of contents for this stupid last packet of stuff I don’t even want to grade (and might not…don’t tell the kids). Probably meet and fix a bunch of things that sit on me until I shove them off. Play Blooket with the kids (although I need to edit that before school starts…ha! Maybe not). Call for a brain MRI. Not scary at all. Go to pilates. Good for the body. Good for the brain. Work some more (ugh). Not my night to cook, so do the dishes. We need a palate cleanser after watching Baby Reindeer…train wreck that. Ugh. Something funny but not stupid funny would be good. Or heartwarming. What a concept. Then cut some more pieces out. Read my book somewhere in there. Gotta finish it by Wednesday…maybe sooner. I think the library loan is up sooner. Double ugh. It’s a slow start so far. Someone was murdered 20 years ago. Not sure when she’ll get to the point.

Owls! No babies. But parents. And lots of threat noises last night.

It makes me sad that there are no babies…that’s at least two that have died. But they haven’t given up…