Resting in Uncertainty…

From last night at an awful hour: “My god, I feel like I’m drowning in tears. I went to bed early because I was so exhausted, and now I am wide awake and crying. WTF? The brain and the body are so disconnected they can’t work together for a common goal: mending me.” So tonight, I’m up late, because my brain won’t wind down. It really isn’t a healthy mix of behaviors. I did go to the gym tonight…left school as early as I could (tutorial) and left a recipe and ingredients for dinner, but said I would deal when I got home. Girlchild has lots of schoolwork this week…but she was starting to cook when I got home. She really is amazingly good at it, and she’s forced me to be a better cook too…using ingredients and trying recipes I wouldn’t have tried before. It’s so strange how creativity that runs in families actually manifests itself. Maybe the next generation will include a clothing designer or a creative architect…you never know.

I forced myself to enter a show this morning; then cried all the way to school and barely got it under control crossing the parking lot. I wanted to make sure I did something art-related after last night. It was a good thing to enter. I don’t remember what made me cry…I often don’t think it’s anything logical. A piece of music, some lyrics, a reminder of something somewhere. Whatever. Logic is not in play at the moment. It’s all about emotion.

Jake keeps going to the door, expecting to be taken back to his house…looking for his daddy. Poor guy. He’s restless. He has been behaving though…no jumping up or biting. Good boy.

My school day was ruled by technology management…iPods with dying batteries, bad cords, learning iMovie on the iPod and phone and how to move files from there to here, setting up my new school computer, trying to set up my new tablet for school…you end up having multiple Google accounts, multiple YouTube accounts, just to manage school and home lives separately. It gets confusing and overwhelming. The new Mac plugs suck, by the way…the part that attaches to the laptop itself is a pain in the ass to use. When is everything going wireless? My life would be so much easier if we could charge everything wirelessly…I spend so much time plugging things in and managing plugs and charging stuff. In other Apple news, one of their commercials made me cry tonight. Then again, I cry at the drop of a hat. No, it didn’t have any jewelry in it. Those ads just annoy me…same with the car ads and the shaver ads. Christmas this year is a little rough. I need to shop for stuff, but have no free time away from kids, due to the ex being gone and multiple events that a parent should attend. No one to help at all. I think it will be a different kind of Christmas this year…I think I will just enlist the kids’ help…I know they realize I am struggling. As the girlchild told me tonight, I’m a downer. I try. They know. They are trying to keep me up. It makes me cry just to type that. Whoops. I read this morning about why some people have repeating depressive episodes and some don’t…something to do with the brain and how it works. Does it take into account the same damn shit happening to a person? Wisdom comes from experience. I will be a very wise old woman…or a just plain old crazy one.

I spent all day at school repeating “seriousness will occur.” Sometimes I wonder what the people in charge are thinking when they say things like that…seriously. We aren’t allowed to show any movies or do any celebrating of anything this week, let alone finishing the damn performance tasks, or in my case, their Project Fred is due tomorrow. No food, no parties, nothing but serious work. We’re all a little loopy, especially the teachers. There is apparently video of me dancing on one of the iPods. Hey. Whatever gets me through at the moment. But dammit, seriousness will occur. (I don’t know when, and if it does, you can’t blame it on me…I will be the goofy one with the Santa hat)

The kids found a new timesuck: Quiz Up. This app will suck up all available time if you let it. That’s the UP in the app name. I’m beating college students, though. I feel really really good about that (no I don’t). I’m really good at walking away from these types of time sucks. The boychild is reasonably good, unless it’s role-playing games (although if he has actual schoolwork, he does prioritize well…just don’t ask about college apps, because I might scream). The girlchild? She sucks at it. Seriously. These things take her down. Brain chemistry. I guess mine is ruled by the artistic bent…hers by procrastination and distraction. I wonder how much of that she will grow out of and how much she will fight for the rest of her life.

So, after yesterday…well, I always learn stuff about me after really bad days (weeks, months)…I learned that I need to make art. Every. Fucking. Day. So I did lots of it tonight to make up for the lame crap of yesterday…I cut stuff out…

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mostly flesh and thorns tonight…lots of big fleshy leg pieces…

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There’s all the scraps. The pile grows.

Girlchild left this lying around…

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Apparently if they send all these postcards to Macy’s, they’ll donate money to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. She did one card about her AP Bio grade and another about snow in San Diego for Christmas. Good luck with that, child.

I also quilted tonight…because the girlchild was in one room doing homework and I didn’t want to disturb her by watching TV and cutting stuff out, so I did the other art quilt task that is hanging over my head…

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Although I did have a thought about whether it was better to have this piece be finished in January 2014 rather than December 2013…for one thing, I could show it longer…but then I would have fewer quilts finished in 2013…which wouldn’t really matter in the big picture. Who’s looking at that as a matter of my success? Well, except for me, and I can just get over it. I’ve finished 8 quilts in 2013, although two were small and none have been finished since September. It’s OK. I rarely finish anything between September and December.

The cats are all adjusting to Jake’s presence, which means Babygirl is perched up higher than normal…it’s hard to move the mouse when she sits there.

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I asked her to deal with the computer backup issue, and she just stared at me.

Girlchild came to school yesterday so we could get to her soccer game. I left her alone in my classroom for 15 minutes and she started writing song lyrics on the board.

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I left it up to entertain my students this morning.

I finished this book today…Blackout by Connie Willis…

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It’s one of two books that I’m reading for a book club…the second one is on its way via the library system. I wasn’t sure I liked it at first, like for the first two thirds of the book. It was mostly WWII historical stuff, although it’s about time travel, but then it got more interesting when the system stopped working right. I’m not a history fan usually, and even less so of wars, but this is less about the war and more about people’s reactions to what was going on in England during WWII seen through the eyes of people from the future. The second book, All Clear, is really a continuation of the story, so we decided in the book club to read both for the months of December and January.

Meditation…it was about change…about being thrown off course and maintaining one’s position, resting in uncertainty…I think that’s what I’ve been doing for 6 months now. It doesn’t feel good, but that’s not because of the change itself…it’s because of how the change happened, which sort of created a reaction in me…this sadness, grief, depression now I think…I think it has moved into that, because I can’t shake it. I mean, I do shake, like a dog, and bits and pieces fly off, and then I get angry and pull pieces off and throw them far away from me, but there are so many clumps that are clinging to me and just hanging on and I can’t shed them. I was so much better at this post-divorce. My anger at the situation was so much stronger and I was so much stronger, and I just jumped back up and into living and forcing myself to be something. Now I just don’t have the energy or the drive for that. I don’t want to do some things over again. This is why the girlchild labeled me a downer. And my counselor says I purposely do some things to push people away, and I say, but those people that are pushed? I don’t want to deal with them anyway. I’m not going to stop being an artist to please the majority of people out there. I’m not going to start wearing makeup or high heels and cute little dresses just because people expect women to do that. I’m not going to start being like the majority of women out there just because that’s what women do. I just don’t care enough to do that. If that’s what your expectation of me is? Then fuck you. I want to make more art. I want to get into more shows. I think I might want to write a book or seven. I want to be at peace. I want to be happy. None of these will be under the Christmas tree this year. This year is all about survival…of the fittest? I’m not sure I am the fittest. I don’t seem to be. I seem to be pretty messed up. That said, I am pretty damn strong. Strong enough to keep getting up, to keep creating, to keep trying to make it better.

Resting in uncertainty…it’s an uncomfortable place.

Reviewing IQF Houston 2013

Yes, I took pictures. I’m never very logical about it. Sometimes I take pictures because the piece speaks to me…sometimes it’s because I want to complain about it. I try to stay away from the latter, but there are a couple in here. I don’t take a whole lot of traditional quilt photos, mostly because I find them boring. I suspect there are traditional quilters who walk right past the art quilts in the same way. So this is Kathy’s highly selective (I take fewer photos when I’m tired!) reconstruction of maybe 1/32nd of the International Quilt Festival at Houston, 2013, remembering that she had already seen West Coast Wonders and the Dinner @8 exhibit in Long Beach, and somehow she missed the placemats completely…I SAW them…I just didn’t have the mental energy to photograph any of them. My bad. But since most of you don’t come here for my quilt-show reporting, I’m not going to worry too much about my lame-ass reporting style.

Caryl Bryer Fallert-Gentry (sweetie, it’s too many names…I get why you’re keeping all of them, I really do, but please…maybe just calling yourself Caryl would be good) has created a series of thirty 30-inch-square pieces that celebrate her thirty years of quiltmaking, referencing her past work, themes, etc., and using her fabric collections to complete them.

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So. Here’s what I think. First of all, the more power to her. She has a strong body of work that is well-liked by many, the exhibit already has 8 venues it’s traveling to, and she definitely has the technical ability to be showcased like this. I liked being able to look closely at her insane stitching…

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(Electric Ellipses #2)

Especially in the more cellular-looking pieces and the two beach sand pieces.

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(Casting a Long Shadow #2)

That said…why redo ideas from the last 30 years? I don’t get it? I know it might be hard to put a retrospective together if a lot of your work has sold, and I do get what you’re saying about the exhibit being pulled together by all of them being the same size, but…eh. Make New Work. Put some old work in the show. I don’t understand. It was popular, though, so apparently I am in the minority. I want to see new work, though. You have a new life…how will that change your art?

Bodil Gardner had at least 4 pieces in Houston…with two in the SAQA: People and Portraits exhibit with mine. I’ve always liked her work…it’s quirky and graphic and slightly off, but Martha Sielman mentioned something in the People and Portraits Walk and Talk that I’d never really thought about…her work is inordinately cheery. There’s never a sad moment. It’s just nice and joyful and chaotic and happy (unlike my own work).

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This is Santa Lucia and that is one BIG and happy spiral-eared dog. Maybe I need to channel some Bodil. Maybe she’d let me come stay with her for a while. One of the pieces in the People and Portraits exhibit had a large central female figure, like her pieces (and mine) often do, and there was a coffee cup balanced on her shoulder, like I often do. Sielman said that Gardner says it refers to how women often share a cup of coffee (or tea) together as part of their socializing, and that if she were doing men, she would probably do a beer stein instead.

Another featured artist in People and Portraits is Sonia Bardella, whose faces have a particular quality to them.

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This is Venice’s Carnival, which takes place near where she lives.

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The best part is the detail she puts into the clothing in contrast to the skillfully painted faces.

Dianne Firth made four elements pieces for an exhibit, with Wind currently showing with the traveling Quilt National exhibit. This is Fire…

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Which, like Wind, is much more stunning and vibrant in person…and was based on the volcanic eruptions in Iceland in 2010.

Betty Busby curated an exhibit of quilts called A Walk in the Wild, a SAQA exhibit of artists from New Mexico. Below is Busby’s piece, Desert Fox.

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All the pieces were similar sizes…this is Where Earth and Sky Meet by Susan Szajer.

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Her work deserved a detail shot…there are even tiny beads in there…

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This one…Eight Ravens by Judith Roderick…was one of my favorite quilts in the show.

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Her silk-painting technique adds a lot of interest and depth to her pieces, which have that graphic quality that I love, coming out of the printmaking world.

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And the subject matter of the ravens is also a favorite. This piece glowed in person.

There were two dinosaur pieces by Shannon Conley that I liked…S Is for #4 is below…

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Coelophysus bauri is the dino depicted in both quilts, apparently was thought to be a cannibal until recently. In the quilt above, Conley shows him in his Triassic-era habitat, with S Is for #3 below showing him in modern-day New Mexico.

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Conley is a scientist who put real teeth on that first quilt…hopefully not valuable fossils (naw, they’re polymer clay). Here’s a link to her posts about these quilts.

Kathy York is one of my favorite brightly colored artists…you’ll notice I photographed lots of bright-colored quilts (a dream? hope? wish?). I posted York’s video of populating this quilt, Park Place, a while ago…

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You can see it here on her blog post where she writes about making this quilt…

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This is Stella in Yellow by Joanell Connolly.

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Stella is the dog in the raincoat, rescued from the animal shelter. I love the contrast and the pattern, with the pitiful-looking dog off to the side.

Both Stella and this one were part of a pet exhibit, It’s Raining Cats and Dogs, bringing awareness to saving animal lives. This is One Cat, Two Cat by Laura Bisagna.

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Bisagna had been feeding a stray gray cat, and every day it would come out and eat, then go behind the house, and seemingly come out and eat again…until she realized there were two gray cats.

This piece was deceptively simple-looking until you studied it up close. This is Winter by Laurie Weiner.

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The piece is whole-cloth, hand-dyed, and trapunto, but the quilting is what drew me to it…

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Intense pattern and texture makes up this piece. I saw a lot of this close, patterned quilting and I’m always attracted to it, which is amusing, because I so don’t quilt like that…but it’s true that type of quilting would not lend itself to the images I create…so I am happy to admire it in other people’s work (and call them insane behind their backs…while they say the same about me and my 2000-piece quilts).

The sky drew me to this piece…In the Bleak Midwinter by Ruth Powers.

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Being a Southern Californian, we rarely see winter landscapes such as these.

I always like to show Tanya Brown what pieces hers are hanging with…so there’s Under the Gingko Tree…

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featuring her painted whole-cloth work and crazy tiny stitching…

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As well as her boy actually standing still…a minor miracle in itself.

This one drew me to it with all the crazy detail…It’s a Crazy Life by Gail Thomas.

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Gail’s own beautiful, long white hair was used to quilt this piece as she recovered from health issues…

Her painting on the fabric is very colorful and detailed.

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This piece drew my eye because of parts of it…overall, I wasn’t sure I liked it, but I liked the faces. This is You Are Here by Victoria Findlay Wolfe…

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The people are from digital photos manipulated in Photoshop and printed on fabric.

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It’s an interesting use of a traditional pattern with modern tones to it…I’m not sure I like the whole thing (the silver lamé really bugs me), but I liked those parts.

This quilt had lots of funky details in it…and I kinda like how it’s just all globbed together…

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And the use of pattern in the fabrics is really interesting too…

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This is Japanese Calendar by Fumi Kido. The Japanese do often have a certain feel to their quilts…

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I’m not sure what that’s about…because they often use American patterns, and it STILL feels Japanese to me. This one has a different appeal to me, though…very stylized but with those details.

I do hail from an applique background…and this one was beautifully done. This is Four Loons and Friends by Patricia Sellinger.

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The symmetry and design in this quilt are stunning…and she embellished the birds with beads as well.

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This is an original design.

I liked this one because of the flame-like blobs wandering across the design. This is May Your Burdens Be Light by Kazuko Covington. This is an original design using New York Beauty blocks, made after the tsunami that destroyed her hometown.

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Those blobs now look like tsunami waves…

This one won best of show…Chihuly’s Gondola by Melissa Sobotka. That’s $10,000, people. It’s a beautiful quilt, but it is from a photograph of Chihuly’s installation in Texas from a few years back.

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So tell me this…is there a difference in the art applied between Sobotka’s copy of another artist’s work (is this a Sobotka or a Chihuly?) and the Jane Sassaman (original design) below? I think yes…but I wasn’t a juror in this show (and probably never will be invited to be one either). I think Chihuly deserves a healthy percentage of the prize.

This is Jane Sassaman’s Illinois Album, also an award winner, but in my eyes, a much more deserving one.

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You decide.

Another Bodil Gardner happy piece, this is I Arise from Dreams…

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Sheila Frampton-Cooper had two of her graphic, colorful pieces in the show…this is Lair of the Amethyst Deva…

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I see legs…Sheila’s another tight, detailed quilter, which suits her big, bold, abstract work.

Nearby was another somewhat controversial piece…yes, it’s abstract; yes, it’s colorful, even pretty…Roses in the Window by Carol Morrissey. On the surface, an original design from a photograph she took…but how did she get all those circles? Is it the same place my mom gets her circles? Where is her hand in this quilt?

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Does what equipment we use to create a piece make it more art or less art? You’ll notice I have no pictures of quilts with digitized photos where the artist has printed it out full size and just stitched over it. I need to see the artist’s hand in the work…I need to see what they’ve changed or made their own. Feel free to BE a photographer (there was a great photography show at IQF), but if you’re going to put it on fabric, make sure there is a purpose to that. Why fabric? Why not just print a photograph on paper and frame it and be done with it? It’s something to think about…

Another Kathy York…this is You Are What You Eat…

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Speaking of having your hand in your artwork, York made the batik flowers herself.

This piece…I still need this one explained. The graphic nature explains why I like it, but there is some weird stuff going on in this quilt. This is Alice’s Kitchen (obviously Alice in Wonderland) by Miki Murakami…I love that this is so NOT typically Japanese.

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All she says is that this is how she imagined a kitchen in Alice’s story, even though there wasn’t one. I think I want to talk to this woman.

Sue Bleiweiss makes wonderfully graphic and deceptively simple pieces. This is Tutti Frutti City.

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This one intrigued me…it was just plain weird, yet cool. This is The Birders by Suzanne Marshall, an original design inspired by a 1565 manuscript…ahhh…there’s why it’s weird.

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I’ve taken pictures of her work before…liking the weird medieval qualities to her work…

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Just look at that unhappy face.

This one caught my eye because I couldn’t (at first) figure out what it was…I thought maybe it was leaky tubes of paint. Silly me…it’s just Oregon Buoys by Jane Haworth.

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I like my idea better…but I guess it caught my eye. Chaos and color.

Another Frampton-Cooper piece, this is Venus in the Garden, named by her sister, who saw Venus Flytraps (I see an angry parrot…that wouldn’t be a nice name though).

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This one had a stunning use of color…this is Antelope Canyon by Kimberly Lacy.

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And another winner, Tuning Fork #11 by Heather Pregger.

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It’s a very graphic piece…she does lots of pieces like this, though. I wonder about that. I guess it’s a different challenge to work abstractly with the same shapes than to do what I do. (It would drive me bonkers though!)

OK, so there were all these cow quilts…something to do with a book. I liked this one because?

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Come on. Guess. OK. It’s a cow skelly. How can you not love a cow skelly? Actually, I was walking past this part of the exhibit when someone pointed to the earrings on the cow and said, “Honestly, some of these quilts you cannot use as a QUILT!” Oh my. No ma’am, you can’t (she wasn’t old…younger by far than I am). So. There you have it. It’s a MooSkellyNotQuilt. Actually, it’s Dia de los MOOertos by Patricia Ward.

This one…it’s cute. It’s tiny. It’s beautifully made. It’s a prize winner. This is Masanobu Miyama’s Wind, a picture of the artist’s dog.

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The statement talks about an original microfused applique technique. I do not know what this is, although micro means small and those pieces are freakin’ small (I should know).

This one caught my eye because of the fabrics…in the US, we are so into our cotton and occasionally a silk or two…this piece, The Berlin Bear by Marjan van der Heijden, was made completely with leftovers…

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That were stitched together sort of haphazardly, but in a beautiful way…

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Truly amazing use of fabric.

This Japanese landscape is so Japanese because of the taupe, but the imagery is so American…I wonder what the Japanese countryside actually looks like and why this appeals to them. This piece is A Place to Long For, by Aiko Yokoyama.

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The fabric and design is beautiful…I just wonder why it’s so appealing.

So that’s my take on IQF 2013…there were probably quilts I didn’t photograph just because I was tired or in a mood (I was in a mood a lot), so don’t take it badly if yours isn’t here…mine is just one set of slightly jaded, tired, and miserable eyes among 60,000 viewers. I do know that I will miss IQF coming to Long Beach, California, because it was cheap and easy to get to, and I don’t think I’ll be going to Houston again for a good, long while, but I did enjoy some of the quilts quite a bit. I’ll talk more about the experience in general at another time. I do provide artist’s links when I can easily find them and confirm that they belong to the artist. If your work is here and you have a link you’d like me to use, please let me know.

Don’t Think Too Hard…

Some days it’s like I’m watching myself from a distance moving through life. I shake my head, thinking, she should be more careful, she should slow down, she’s not thinking about what she’s doing…as I watch myself walk here, move there, drive over here, go to the gym, buy groceries. Nothing of import. Nothing that has meaning…just the chores. Today was one of those days. I got up at 2:45 AM San Diego time, although it’s possible my brain was on Texas time…hard to say. Then rode two planes, ate some food in between, read a long book and started another, slept a little…and I was home.

Home didn’t feel good…well, it did and it didn’t. It’s my bed. My stuff is here. My fabric is here. I can make a cup of tea without having to hunt down ingredients. Those are all good things. I came home, though, to a pile of laundry, a bunch of dirty dishes, cat vomit (fun stuff), an empty fridge, an empty life.

Well, it’s not totally empty. I make art. I have my kids (I did not see them today…I only saw my exhusband…twice…weird). The cats were glad to see me (lovely to feel needed). But there is too much of the stuff that feels like drudgery and not enough of the stuff that makes my heart soar…mostly because I don’t know how to do that any more. The quilt show…it was OK. I wasn’t comfortable being there. I wasn’t interested in a lot of what WAS there. I had some good moments, but…I wasn’t in the right mindframe to enjoy myself. I don’t know how to shake the grief long enough to enjoy myself. I get to a point where it feels like I’m trying to climb out of my own skin. The closest I get to anything resembling enjoyment is at the gym or when I’m doing art stuff, but even that today was an issue. And that’s not enjoyment…it’s not a rush or a soaring feeling…it’s just like taking a deep breath at the top of the stairs, getting some air.

My emotions are very distant today…a combination of travel and tired and overwhelmed, I think. Mr. Meditation says to be less critical of my feelings…don’t identify with them. It’s not MY feeling or I FEEL LIKE, but just labeling it. That? That is sad. That over there? That’s angry. I recognize those. Even using the words ‘pleasant’ or ‘unpleasant’ is not meant to be judgmental of the feeling…just a label. I couldn’t get my brain to label anything during meditation tonight. And is SAD unpleasant? I guess so. I don’t like being sad, so I guess that’s unpleasant. Anger is definitely unpleasant. Sad just seems like it’s there. It has a purpose, it seems, as long as you don’t wallow in it forever. I’m sure some people think I am wallowing. I’m not. I’m just not capable of jumping up and yelling Happy! right now. And fuck you for thinking I should be able to do that right now.

I’m thinking way too hard about this. When I feel like that, bogged down in the thinking, I go to the gym, I draw, I read. I did two of those today.

Then I had a choice after the grocery shopping (because shopping on a Saturday night doesn’t make me feel like a total loser…OK, it does, and it’s even worse when you run into your exhusband there, who is buying stuff to feed at least one of your kids…). I could work on school stuff or I could work on art stuff.

I bet you know which one I chose…the one where there is some hope of mental rest, of peace…maybe…some days. I cleaned up a little in the office to make room, putting away fabrics etc…and then I started ironing…

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I’m missing two toenails…they will probably show up eventually.

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Most missing parts do. I had to cut one missing rug piece because it went above and over another piece…so of course, I found the missing piece AFTER I had done that…it was in the next box by accident (I sort them into boxes by 100s before ironing).

This really is a rather simple quilt after the last beast…

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I have about an hour 40 minutes in, and there’s about 150 pieces ironed down. A couple more nights like that, and I’ll have it done. That would be nice. The colors are a bit more subdued than normal…at least so far. Interesting. I never really get to see how the colors work together until I get to this stage, since I don’t really have a color pattern…I just sort of color it in my head and hold fabrics next to one another to see if they’ll work.

I knew I would be grading at two soccer games tomorrow, so that helped me make the decision to blow off work for yet another day. I’ll be grading at games for about 5 hours tomorrow…that seems plenty. I should be allowed to do stuff besides work and clean and cook.

I do have pictures from Houston and will get to them eventually. I didn’t take a ton of pictures, though…not inspired, I guess.

I hope some day there is some feeling besides all this sad and blah. It’s wearing on me. I want to be able to just go out somewhere and laugh and enjoy myself, but I can’t get there. The sad is always looming over me, poking me in case I forget about it. Sounds like there will be more drawing this week…let this muggy emotional mess solidify into a drawing and vomit it out on the page. Then I’ll feel better maybe…as long as I don’t think too hard.

It’s Not Easy

First of all, I’ve been awake since 3:30 AM, so anything I write should be suspect. Second of all, I’m in Houston, Texas, home of the International Quilt Festival, where approximately 60,000 people (yes, mostly women) will attend the quilt and vendor show.

Why the hell am I here? I have two quilts in one of the special exhibits, so I came for that. I’ll be doing a Walk and Talk of the show (I will only be talking about mine) tomorrow at 11AM (tomorrow is Friday, in case that’s confusing, because honestly, I don’t what time it is at the moment).

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Mom came with me…she will try to record me tomorrow, but we haven’t persuaded her phone to DO such things yet, so I don’t hold out great hopes. I did much better this time…I actually talked to people at the SAQA Meet and Greet (be impressed…I think it’s because I am seriously sleep-deprived).

I woke up this morning thinking, “Normal dreams?” I’m having dreams of a normal life, perhaps even MY normal life…like not sad and stressed and walking in a fog (I have now typed ‘dog,’ ‘fig,’ and ‘fof’), but like normal-feeling. Maybe that’s why waking up is so difficult. Reality doesn’t feel normal. Reality feels bad.

Everything is tainted by associations with the past nine…twenty-two (??) years. I can’t go anywhere or do anything without feeling it resonate with something that now hurts. Airports, airplanes, sitting on a plane, sitting by the gates. Bloody hell, some peace please??? Can I just have something that’s just mine and not attached to all this crap?

I sat there on the plane as mom talked to some other quilter, and I hurt. I read, I stitched, I tried to sleep, and the hurt tied my guts in knots until I couldn’t sleep. Or eat. I turned the music up louder and worked on my stitching callous.

Sigh.

I’m better now. A lot of the quilt show doesn’t interest me…there are lots of quilts that just don’t even touch me (and I’m not being very open-minded at the moment…it needs to seriously catch my eye for me to even get closer). We’ve only made it through half the quilts (saw mine!) and skimmed a portion of the vendors.

One woman told me I should exhibit in Europe because they’re not prudes like the Americans (not her exact words). Another woman told me never to lose my unique style (I don’t think I could do that if I tried). I met some people I already knew and some I’d never met but had known for a while.

I need to go to sleep (mom was down for the count an hour ago). We’re getting up to go to the gym in the morning before the show opens (so virtuous). It’s not easy being here, but it’s not easy being anywhere at the moment, so I might as well be uncomfortable here. It’s not fun, but it’s a change, and change can’t be bad at the moment.

Art Quilt Portfolio: People and Portraits Blog Tour

When I saw the topic for the first Art Quilt Portfolio, I knew I had nothing relevant. Although nature features largely in most of my work, it really is the human figure that has fascinated me for years. So when I saw the announcement for the second volume, People and Portraits, I was happy because that is where I fit.

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(Maria Elkins’ piece Windblown)

I have been using the human figure in my art since college, well before I started this obsession with fabric that is currently taking over my studio. I started with drawing people, taking life drawing classes as part of my college degree in studio art. I would try to figure out how the bones and muscles under the skin gave the body its form.

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Way back when, I still ran off the page…(this is actually fabric crayon on fabric, one of the transition pieces from drawing to fabric work)

I was mostly a screenprinter (on paper) after college, and almost all of my work was of the human figure. As I began to consider having children, I switched to less toxic methods of printing, but I also found myself taking quilt classes and trying to figure out how to make the same images in fabric, because I could carry it around with me. Screens are time consuming to clean; you need big blocks of time to get the prints done. Fabric could be stitched in the tiny bits of time in between raising kids.

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(a mockup for an old screenprint…I’ve actually considered making this a quilt)

I started with hand appliqué and moved from there to fusible appliqué. I still use hand embroidery on some of my quilts, but I also use ink to shade pieces. I still draw the image first, much like I did with the screenprints. I just use fabric instead of ink to make the image.

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(the original drawing for Feeding Time)

Being one of the featured artists in Martha Sielman’s book is a real joy, especially because the book has such a wide range of styles of working. I also appreciate seeing some new artists and their work. I know Martha could have published three or four books under this subject with all the interesting work that’s out there, but the sections in between the featured artists show a bit of what others are doing with people and portraits in the fiber world.

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(Feeding Time completed in fabric)

This is my favorite kind of art book…lots of color pictures and variety, but also some meaty text about how and why artists do what they do. I could read books like that for the rest of my life and never get tired of them.

You can read my post here about Art Quilt Portfolio: People and Portraits from the end of March; I linked to all the featured artists in that post. I did do a giveaway back then…so sorry you missed it, but stay on the blog tour and I think you’ll find others doing the same. I knew I couldn’t handle a trip to the post office in the last 7 days of school…I’ll be lucky to handle keeping my head on my shoulders!

The blog tour continues through the end of the month:

June 3rd – Lark Kick Off!
June 5th – Sarah Ann Smith –  http://www.sarahannsmith.com/weblog
June 6th – Maria Elkins – http://mariaelkins.com
June 7th – Laura Wasilowski –  http://artfabrik.blogspot.com
June 9th – Katherine McNeese –  http://blueheronquilts2.blogspot.com/
June 10th – Cheryl Sleboda –  http://blog.muppin.com
June 11th – Linda McLaughlin –  http://notesfromstudiob.blogspot.com/
June 12th – Kathy Nida –  http://Kathynida.com
June 13th – Marilyn H. Wall –  http://www.marilynhwall.blogspot.com
June 14th – Janice Paine Dawes– http://thedistoriatedquilter.blogspot.com/
June 16th – Pamela Price Klebaum –  http://pamprice.blogspot.com
June 17th – Deborah Boschert –  http://DeborahsJournal.blogspot.com
June 18th – Lisa Chin –  http://somethingcleveraboutnothing.blogspot.com/
June 19th – Sue Bleiweiss –  http://www.suebleiweiss.com/blog
June 20th – Leni Wiener – http://www.leniwiener.com
June 24th – Cheryl Lynch –  http://www.CherylLynchQuilts.blogspot.com
June 25th – Lesley Riley – http://ArtistSuccess.com
June 26th – Stephanie Forsyth –  http://thefibernation.blogspot.com
June 30th – Pat Kumich – http://patkumicich.blogspot.com

Quilt National 2013: The Artist Talks

I suspect someone out there, like that one woman with the iPad who is in a lot of my photos of the artist talks, is going to post short, 2-minute videos of each of us talking about our art. Someone let me know when she does. I wasn’t that organized. I did take notes as people talked, and I tried to take photos of each artist with their piece, but the place was really crowded and I’m really short so I missed a bunch. Or I got just the top of their forehead. Needless to say, none of us looks awesome when we’re talking, except for maybe Elizabeth Barton (see below). Artist talks are always my favorite parts of any exhibit. I like to hear what they think, even when it’s just technique rather than inspiration. If I didn’t have a photo of the artist talking, I’ll talk about their inspirations/techniques when I post pictures of the exhibit later this week. For now, this is what’s intriguing me…people talking about their work.

I should also admit that I have barely looked at the catalog, let alone read statements yet. I’m saving that for when my head is less busy. I suggest you buy the catalog for the really good photography (unlike mine) and the official statements. I’m all about supporting art quilt endeavors.

This is John Lefelhocz‘s piece Mona in the Era of Social Butterflies.

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When you look at this piece up close, you can see text in each box. John talked about the concept of a social butterfly and starting a dialogue, but the most amusing thing he said was “What would Mona Lisa say on her Facebook page?” I’ve seen a couple of parodies of famous artists dissing each other on FB. It’s an interesting take on the classics talking to the modern world. What is it to be a social butterfly these days? Is it the woman with 1000 FB friends that she’s never met?

Charlotte Ziebarth talks about her piece Reverberations: Yellowstone Waters.

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Charlotte won the Persistence Pays Award, with 9 entries over the last 16 years. I don’t remember how many times I’ve entered, but it wasn’t that many. She has some good background information on how she made this quilt on her website, on the right under Recent Posts. She is very interested in the patterns that water makes and using altered photographs. This is part of a continuing series and shows a dichotomy between hot and cold, using the geyser basins. What I find interesting about this piece is that it reads completely differently if you stand far away from it than up close.

Karen Rips is standing waiting for that funny-looking recording device we all had to talk into…the weird rainbow reflection on the top right of her quilt is not there in real life. Remember how I said my viewfinder wasn’t working? Yeah. Well, it wasn’t. Karen’s piece is called High Water Mark and is one of a series of three about the tides and how the body and emotions are related to tidal movements.

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This is a very subtle piece and photographs don’t do it justice. There is a lot of detailed stitching in the black areas.

Cris Fee does a lot of drawing of live models, and sometimes self portraits, because she is an easy model to us. This is her piece Contemplating Self.

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She likes to catch her drawing style in the quilt work. Everything is held in place with thread and paint.

Karen Tunnell does a lot of marbling on fabric. In this piece, Bubbles, she was trying to make the bubbles look like were sticking up off the fabric, using oil paint sticks and freezer-paper stencils, as well as trapunto techniques to achieve her goal.

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It’s quite beautiful in person.

This picture amuses me. It’s Pamela Allen. I love her work. Is her work in the photo? Barely. Her piece is called My Town by the River and is very different from her brightly colored portraits with all their embellishments and stitching.

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She explained that she had given her students an assignment to use toned-down, greyed fabrics, so she needed to do one herself. She has been working on a series of quilts of her home town. Her best quote? “I’m known for wonky.”

I missed pictures of Peggy Brown, Linda Colsh, and Susan Polanski, so next was Robin Schwalb, whose arm you see below pointing to Jive Boss Sweat.

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Robin talked about putting pieces together from a bunch of cool places she’d been in Japan, including the beckoning cat, maneki-neko. The quote is basically that the native Japanese see differently than the tourists.

I missed photos of Kate Sturman Gorman and Dinah Sargeant, although I have pictures of their work that I will post later this week, and Susan Shie and Paula Kovarik as well. I don’t know how I missed so many…there were lots of people.  I did take notes, so I know I heard them…I just couldn’t see them.

This is Mary Ann Tipple‘s piece The Conversation, between her mom and her dad. She joked that this was the second time her dad had been in Quilt National.

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There was some interesting discussion about Spoonflower and other digital printing services, which I’ll ramble on about at a later date. She did use Spoonflower for the large prints.

This is Carol Goossens piece As Summer Slowly Fades. I was very intrigued by the coloring in this piece. Carol said she had a few months off of work and wanted to do a piece about summer turning into winter. She had started with machine stitching, but wasn’t getting a strong enough line, so she ended up hand-embroidering on it instead. It bugged her that she only had male birds in the piece, but the females weren’t going to show up…then she read that red-winged blackbirds congregate by gender in the fall, so she was happy to keep them all together in the quilt.

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I’m certain I have a detail of this somewhere, but that will have to wait.

Elin Noble‘s piece Fugitive Pieces 11 is beautiful in person, and the detail in the catalog shows some of the specifics of that. She talked about emotions, memory, and grief, relating to the Canadian poet Anne Michael’s novel Fugitive Pieces and all the motions one goes through in life. Her love is for dye and fabric and thread…she even dyes the thread, but emphasized that she doesn’t dye the threads she uses on the back…that would be a waste, wouldn’t it? Unless you put the stuff you didn’t like on the back…

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Across from Elin’s piece was Katherine Knauer‘s Solar City. Katherine has been doing a series on earth, air, fire, and water, and she liked the idea of a whole city running on solar power. She used a digital printing service to make fabrics with a variety of electrical symbols, referring to renewable energy; the sunflowers are made up of taxis, presumably running on renewable energy of some sort.

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Nelda Warkentin‘s piece Bella Woods refers to the cycle of birth, life, and death found in the woods. She likes not just the standing trees, but those that are falling down. She uses the geometry of the line of trees to depict what we have in life, referring again to evolution and rebirth.

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Laura Fogg may be known for her landscapes, so this piece Jammin’ is a departure from those. She drew some musicians freehand with her sewing machine and that turned into a quilt. I think the printed circles look like coffee cup stains, which makes sense to me in this quilt.

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Cathy Kleeman‘s piece Post No Bills wasn’t working for her. She stitched it, painted on it, got stumped by the piece, and painted big black X’s on it to show it who’s boss.

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Sandy Gregg was talking about her piece Listen to the Rhythm of the Falling Rain while someone else was talking to me (this might be my excuse for everything!), so I missed the first part, but I do remember her saying that she painted individual raindrops and added text to the bottom where the rain fell. I suspect I’m hiding a detail shot of this somewhere on this computer for later use.

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Too bad I wasn’t on the other side to get a shot of her face.

I missed Lorie McCown‘s explanation, although for some reason I typed Frida Kahlo into my phone. I have a picture for later…her piece was very cool. I wish I knew why I typed that. I could ask her!

Susan Brooks talked about being commissioned to do a 9/11 quilt, but the fabric they made was ugly, so they each took a piece to do something with it. Her something included ripping it to shreds and putting it back together in this format, which made her think of her art group and the strength it gave her. This is Together.

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Barbara Schneider‘s realistic leaves in Forest Floor, var. 2 are very impressively dimensional. She wanted to show things that were impermanent or decaying, but still beautiful, quoting wabi-sabi. There are about 100 maple leaves that were scanned, printed, stitched, stiffened, and shaped. The quilt is made in 4 sections and show distinct areas of light and shadow interacting.

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I have a totally awesome picture of the artist there too, eh? I am short. What can I say?

This is Susan Lenz‘s Circular Churchyard, an amazing piece of grave rubbings from an historic churchyard in Charleston, South Carolina. The rubbings were done with permission in a graveyard that normally doesn’t allow this, over Halloween weekend…one wonders if any ghosts travel with the quilt. She talked about the ethereal nature of our lives and the passage of time through generations.

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This is the first time I’ve met Susan, although I’ve emailed her with the I’m Not Crazy exhibit and I own one of her auction pieces. I love the work she does, and this piece is truly gorgeous in person.

Kerby Smith waits to talk about his piece Graffiti Series: Chain Link. This is an awful picture of it. Kerby announced himself as the photographer who quilts, and referred to tradition being tied with nontradition, as well as speaking about his focus on color and design. The pieces are linked together with large loops, like in a chain.

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The next artist, Rita Merten (on the right), had Brigitte Kopp speak in English for her about Plastic Trees #5, Olive Grove in Ampolla, Spain. She recycled plastic bags for this piece, liking the idea of bringing the materials back to nature and making them into trees.

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This is a very stunning graphic piece in person.

Lura Schwarz Smith‘s piece Passage refers to her mother’s declining memory. The drawing began on paper and includes digitally printed fabric.

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You can see I wasn’t the only person trying to take photos.

I tried to get a decent picture of Sheila Frampton-Cooper and her piece From a Seed, which was inspired by one of her small watercolors.

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I tried. She is an active talker…she did this as a whole-cloth painting with Procion thickened dyes and some paint sticks, but it’s the quilting that makes this piece. I’m sure I have a detail for later. She called this a subconscious drawing, and talked about trying to get the feeling of rain in the background, referring back to a seed growing into a funky plant.

I told you she was an active talker…

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I missed Eleanor McCain talking about her collaborative piece Swaddling to Shroud–Birthing Bed with Kevin Womack. But here is Kevin talking about it…

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The two talked about referencing traditional bed quilts, yet talking about what might happen IN or ON the bed, such as birth. There are digitally printed fabrics in the quilt, which is pieced from a variety of photographs of babies and prints of reproductive systems, as well as other things. Yes, I have a detail…later. I might be here for days on this one post if I don’t keep going.

Sandra van Velzen‘s quilt Behind the Facades is about Amsterdam’s canals and houses, what is behind the facades, referring to darker paintings from the era of famous Dutch art in the 17th century. This is a 3-dimensional piece, pushing out from the wall.

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Patricia Kennedy-Zafred‘s piece about children and mining history is named Descent into Darkness: The Boys of the Mines. She uses historical images to tell the story. She won The Heartland Award for this piece.

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At this point, I talked about my own quilt, and then got trapped down there for Lisa Kijak‘s commentary about her drop-dead beautiful piece El Cortez, Las Vegas. You can just see Sara Impey‘s Bitter Pills on the left side of the photo and Lisa Way Down There. Lisa’s recent work all draws from neon signs, showing the texture and passage of time. For this piece, she went to a neon graveyard (a cool idea in itself). She comes from a printmaking background (gee, I don’t know anything about that), so the positive and negative spaces have a different kind of importance. She uses thousands of pieces in each quilt, and if you go to her blog, she’ll tell you about one fabric in this quilt that was difficult to find. She also uses only commercial fabrics and tulle to help shade colors. I have details of this quilt for later.

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I missed pictures of Kathleen McCabe, Judith Plotner, and Judith Content, and my photo of Kris Kasaki and Deb Cashatt dancing around with their microphones was amazingly bad, but their comment that they met 50 pounds…each…ago was amusing.

Pam Rubert‘s piece Seattle–Wish You Were Hair, referencing the Space Needle, is part of her vacation postcard series, if you think of those cards that say “Wish you were here,” but realize Pam is into bad puns. She uses world monuments to make really bad hairstyles, but showing that each place has an individuality to it that’s important. She mentioned that things are becoming the same everywhere, so looking for the individuality of a particular place is important…hence the buildings shaped like spools to match the needle.

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Here is Pam herself talking about her quilt…

I didn’t expect her voice to sound like that, but I always have that problem…we imagine artists to look and sound a certain way (who knows why) and we are usually wrong.

Kathy Weaver was another artist I had imagined wrong (I should stop imagining people, eh?)…this is her piece Biomechatronics Development Lab 2 v 2, based on a series of charcoal drawings of robotic arms made for soldiers losing limbs in war, as well as other people. She transferred her sketch onto fabric using a digital printing company, then airbrushed and embroidered over that. She liked the idea of using a classical drawing style to depict modern robotic devices.

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This piece by Marian Zielinski, Goodnight, Sweet Prince, is a farewell piece to her father. She spoke quite emotionally about making the piece. The photos she used were taken as he was diagnosed with the illness that killed him. She commemorates his life by telling her story of her father. She liked the idea of using elemental energies to make the quilt: the sun for printing, the pigment for earth and water, dried by the air.

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Marianne Williamson based her piece Hidden Falls on a waterfall in a cavern where there are no lights, the air sounds muffled, but water is falling. There is a timeless quality to the piece, as she imagined how the rock face might look as it is dislodged by the water and falling to the bottom, how water splashes and hits the pool below.

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Susan Callahan’s piece 2 Top is based on her obsession with food and with setting the table before the people show up.

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Kate Themel talked about the influence of light in her piece Morgan’s Flight. Morgan is the pilot who flew over the town in the quilt and provided her with reference photos for the quilt. She was trying to work with ideas of multiple sources of light or what if buildings were lit from inside.

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I listened to Arle Sklar-Weinstein, Leslie Bixel, Bonnie Peterson, and Dianne Firth, but got no decent photos. I’ll talk more about their pieces in a later post. I do love Elizabeth Barton‘s piece Legacy and her face while talking about it. I don’t remember why it made her laugh. She started this piece about the environment in a smaller quilt, but used a picture of her grandson for the bottom section, supporting the oil derrick, which is much easier to see from far away (and doesn’t even show up in this photo). I think she was laughing because she had called her daughter and told her to drag the boy out of bed and put him in a particular position (what artist hasn’t done this?) and photograph him for this, and yes, she needed it right away. I think I have a full photo of this one for later too.

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I missed Brigitte Kopp…or more accurately, I have a picture of the top of her head and even that is blurry.

This is Sidnee Snell standing in front of her piece Riveted, which is not even in the photograph. She talked about an infatuation with a steel bridge in Portland or nearby and all the photographs she’d taken of how the wind and rain had interacted with the paint. It’s a beautiful piece.

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Miriam Nathan-Roberts was unable to come to the opening due to serious illness, so Judith Content talked about this quilt, Salt & Pepper. Content had to recuse herself from the jurying on this piece, because she had watched her friend take a very long time during her illness to finish this quilt, how she would take breaks for weeks and then come back to the piece.

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Cynthia Friedman is working with symmetry in her piece A Man among Giants. She was interested in the shapes of people and bodies and the shadows they make. Her quilts are often block-based and reflecting, but the blocks can be placed together in many ways for a different look. She uses a computer to mess with the photos and draws from there, using the computer to test symmetrical layouts.

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Silvia Gegaregian started her quilt Bow Tie when she found some fabrics because she had to clean out her studio to remove the carpet. The fabrics spoke to her. She told the story that her husband doesn’t like this quilt and would say to her “You’re still working on that one?”, surprised that she continued to work on something he didn’t like.

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This is Patty Hawkins‘ quilt Sunlit Canyon, based on the mountains she loves, trying to show the wear on the trees caused by elk and bear. She likes to play with the fabrics and uses deconstructed screenprints in her work.

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I heard a few more people speak, but no photographs. I do have other photos of the pieces themselves, the gallery, and my favorite, detail shots, but you can only do so much in one blog post, and this is a LOOONNNGG one. I do like to document though, so you can blame it on that. The artist talk is always my favorite part, and I like to see what the artist looks and sounds like who makes the art, so that was worthwhile. Tune in later for more details on Quilt National 2013.