I’m Going Down Just Like a Pill*

Oh yeah. It’s a cold. Not a cute little one, but a phlegmy scratchy-throated sweaty beast of a cold. Whatever. I rested a few times yesterday, because going to the grocery store wasted me. I really do worry sometimes about getting older and living alone. I can see how some things, some days, just would get to be too much. I had to go shopping because I didn’t have any food. Imagine being really ill and by yourself. I guess I will need to make sure I have a good support system by then. I mean, if I were REALLY sick yesterday, I wouldn’t be getting up and going to work today, and I could have forced myself to eat the leftover frozen waffles the boychild left (see, that’s a sign of how sick I am…will I eat the waffles? No. I will not. Not so sick then.). I even cooked for the week last night…lunches and a couple dinners. Chicken Tikka Pizza on pita bread. It’ll get me through all the lunches at least.

img_8679-small

The chair I use when I sew at the machine…I bought a new one this year, because the old one (which was older than my kids) was no longer staying together when I sat on it. But Kitten really likes this one. So I have to move her a lot. I used to perch on the edge and sew, but it hurts more now that I’m old, so I just move her.

img_8678-small

She is never particularly happy about that.

Simba was my couch companion whenever I needed to sit and rest in between cooking tasks.

img_8674-small

After finishing a bunch of school work and errands, I managed to start stitching this down. I really wanted to be done today, but…sigh.

img_8680-small

And this is the first quilt I’ve stitched down on this machine, so there were some adjustable moments. Like when I realized the bobbin was misbehaving.

img_8681-small

Dude. Don’t waste thread.

I felt better after I ate. A little. And luckily, this is sitting down. So less strenuous.

img_8682-small

I set some goals. First I just said I’d sew until 10, because I didn’t feel good. But at 10, I felt much better. And plus, wow, once you’re going, it’s hard to stop. So I kept going. And I said, I’ll just get to the bottom of the boat, but then I kept going. So I said, both sides of land, and then I kept going. So I said, just finish the boat. Then go to bed. Um. Yeah. Finished the boat. Then I said, just the lower torso under the hands.

And that’s when the machine stepped in for me…because the foot wasn’t on tightly enough (I think) and I broke a needle all over the place, but not before I got most of the lower torso done. I found all the sharp bits, and luckily, none of them hit my face this time (I do wear glasses…but maybe my glasses-free friends should consider sewing goggles), but I figured that was a sign from the goddess that I should go to sleep.

img_8684-small

So I cleaned up, restarted the thread and got everything tied up, and then went to bed. An hour early. So I got three hours in, and honestly, I think I might be able to finish it in another three. Except I’m at school all day, which will kick my butt (stupid 2-hour staff meeting) and I’m supposed to go to a science thing tonight, but I’m too sick for that. NOT too sick to sew, honestly. The timeline is tight.

A bunch of us teachers are sick. What was funny was the one (male) teacher who emailed last night that he was running a high fever, so he had called a sub. I was thinking to myself, I’m pretty sure if I had a working thermometer, I would also be running a high temperature. But it’s probably better that I’m ignorant of that. I do have a pretty low-key day planned for school, so that helps…but I rarely take days off because either we don’t get subs, or they don’t do anything we ask them to do…so it’s easier to go in and bully through. Sad state of affairs really.

*Max Frost, Withdrawal

There Is Freedom Within…*

Yeah, a late post from me. But the dog was barking from 4:30 AM on, so I was barely alive this morning, and I chose to spend about 5 hours of nonawake time trying to finish up the feminist coloring book I’m putting together for one of my art groups. It’s ALMOST there. Holy fuck, it has taken a ton of fussy little changes, probably things only I would notice, and there’s still one issue, maybe two, I can’t get to go away (I hate you, Word)…and I apparently need to color the cover…or part of it…but it’s almost done! Yay!

I didn’t iron last night. And I’m coming down with a cold or something, so I feel like warmed-up crap at the moment, but at least now I know why I was having those really violently scary hot and cold flashes Thursday…I thought menopause or the diabetes were going haywire, but no…it was just my body trying to beat the virus into submission that some kid gave me as a special gift. Thanks kid. I so rarely get sick…I guess that shows how stressed I’ve been.

So I ironed this afternoon. I was on a mission. I needed it done. I just wanted to see it all together…so I finished all the little tiny pieces in the clouds…

img_8660-small

Then I ironed the upper torsos to the last figure’s head…

img_8661-small

And I positioned the land/water pieces on either side of them…

img_8662-small

It got a little fussy when I tried to fit the lower torso in. It’s never perfect, but you can stretch things a bit and make them fit.

img_8663-small

I try to build in enough overlap so that there won’t be holes, but sometimes there are. I’m not perfect. So then the bottom piece went in…

img_8664-small

And then I laid it out on the background fabric and tried to get it ironed down flat. I have to iron it twice…once to get everything placed right, and twice to spray it with water and really try to get it to stick. It doesn’t stick forever though, so I will be stitching it down. I wanted to be doing that today, but I haven’t felt well all day and I’m also really tired (thanks, puppy).

img_8665-small

She’s taller than I am. But all ironed down.

img_8666-small

I think she’s about 42″ wide by about 77″ tall. Remind me to check my batting stash. Actually with a long skinny one like that, odds are I have a random piece that will work. It’s the big, mostly square ones that are the biggest issue.

Hallelujah. Stitch down tomorrow and maybe sandwich. I don’t know…I have a bunch of school stuff to do as well, so I have to kind of analyze and prioritize my time. I probably should have (for work) stayed home last night, but for my sanity, sometimes I do go hang out with humans. Time is still tight on this piece. I can’t afford to waste time. But I really like it too. I’m glad. It’s nice when I like them.

So now I just have to stay well enough to be able to sit and sew. At least I’m through the standing stage…that will help. Over 17 hours, by the way, to iron it together. When did I start? Sunday? Oh yeah, but I had a holiday in there. That helps. I may be blowing off some social events this week. Maybe. Thinking. My priorities…

*Crowded House, Don’t Dream It’s Over

Save Tonight*

Gotta write this fast…totally forgot about a meeting this morning. I don’t like those early meetings. They throw me off. I need a certain number of minutes to function well, and it’s not enough unless I get up earlier, which I of course forgot to do, because when I finally made it into the room where all the art occurs (OK, there’s more than one room where that happens, but just go with it for now), I didn’t want to leave until I was done. But NO…those tiny pieces were not ironing together quickly (duh), so there was no way I was finishing last night, even though I worked for two hours.

I did finish the face first…I always iron the eyes separately, so I can make sure they aren’t wonky when I put them on…and as for the Tlingit imagery, I was born in Alaska and have this weird sort of overwhelming reaction to their art, to the graphic nature of it. I wonder if it was being held up to totem poles and lodges as a baby that sort of imprinted on my brain. Plus I’m not a religious person, so when I think of protective spirits (which she is), I think outside the box of what most Americans think of as protection. So the thought of a protective spirit animal of sorts, of the connection to nature as well…I’m more inclined toward those images than the standard Christian images of Jesus and/or God. Or any god really. Those are very masculine images and feelings, and that doesn’t feel protective to me…which is interesting if you look at the rest of this quilt, because the protective figure in front of this one is in fact male…but not very Jesus-like.

img_8649-small

So there she is, ready for the clouds behind her.

img_8650-small

It’s hard to see them on a white background, but they’re there…

img_8651-small

And then I made all these tiny things, like this woman in a gas mask, to go in them…

img_8652-small

And that’s where I gave up…with about 50 pieces to go. Seriously. So close to done.

img_8653-small

But it was late and I was tired and honestly not feeling totally well. Sore throat this morning, dammit. It could just be overuse…or some form of allergies, because I do get that every Fall, but I don’t have time for that shit.

Some nuclear power plant towers, an oil spill, three graves, and a river full of pollution and dead fish. You know, like you do.

img_8655-small

More tonight.

These came yesterday. My dad funded their purchase, because mom wanted one. And he wants me to send one to my brother, who describes my quilts as vjuilts (vagina quilts). Not in a bad way.

img_8658-small

I’m happy to have these…even happier to have the extra BadAss Quilters Society pins she sent. Woo hoo!

OK. School. But you know what I’m doing tonight.

*Eagle Eye Cherry, Save Tonight

I’m Not Gonna Crack*

Unhhhnhhh. That’s what this morning feels like. Maybe a little Arrrggggghhh as well. But mostly Unnhhhnhhhh. The whole day feels like that when I do that morning review of what I need to do. Sure, the first cup of tea has not been ingested yet. That might help. Was it yesterday? Did I not get enough done last night? Did some hellish things happen? No. That’s not it. I did a ton of school stuff and went to the gym and then started ironing. Pretty damn effective. No sitting on the couch and staring at a TV or a phone.

I would have liked to get more ironing done, but I think that’s always the case. I laid out the 1000s, but I haven’t finished the 900s…I finished the last figure’s arms. Shit. I didn’t even do 100 pieces last night, I think. Sigh.

img_8640-small

Then I took the other two figures and ironed them into the center of that circle. That was a bit fussy. Sometimes I have to uniron things and move things around a bit. Even stretch fabric to make things fit. And it’s hard when the piece is bigger than the ironing board. I’ve been known to iron on the floor. Explains why the floor is damaged, I guess. So that’s three torsos right there.

img_8641-small

I thought about trying to fit that onto the lower torsos last night, but it was getting late and that sounded complicated. I didn’t have much brain power left at that point. It was late.

So I started on the fourth figure’s head. I didn’t get super far. Well, those trees had a goodly chunk of pieces in them. She looks uber-creepy without a face. Who knows…maybe she’ll look just as creepy with one. So that’s all that’s left…her face, the clouds (with 100 pieces of stuff going on in them), and then iron the big pieces together and onto a background. Piece o’ cake. Haha.

img_8642-small

I would have gotten further if I hadn’t done all the school work, but honestly, I can’t blow all of that off every night. My prep periods are getting eaten up by planning for the next unit, so I can’t get anything else done. It’s really time-consuming. Plus next week is crazy for school, so I’m trying to get ahead of it. And that’s amusing, because as a teacher, I’m never ahead of it. I can run as fast as I can, and it’s still right there, underfoot, tripping me up. September really is a survival month for teachers. Like June, but without vacation at the end of it.

Trying to keep my head above water. The plus is that hopefully I can get this thing ironed down soon…maybe trying to get it done tonight is a bit much, but certainly tomorrow? Then the stitch down. This is big, but not huge. Big quilts take about 10 hours to stitch down. So less than that. I think I might still be able to get it sandwiched this weekend. I should check my batting stash though. I know I have enough to piece a backing, but batting for something this long might be an issue. I feel like I just bought a chunk of batting though. So maybe that problem is already solved.

So I’m almost all the way through the first cup of tea and it’s still Unnhnnnh. Laughing to myself. Because today might be a bit of a challenge at school…lab day. You give them equipment and sometimes stupid stuff just happens. Like I told my co-teacher, at some point yesterday, I’m like “Drop everything and step away from the lab table…hands in the air,” because you put this stuff in front of them and their brains stop working. All they can do is play with the stuff. “Put ALL the rulers down. Now. Before someone gets hurt.” I remember about 10 years ago when I was in a teaching program where we had to videotape ourselves teaching and I went back and watched the lesson and EVERY kid had a ruler and was doing something with it besides measuring something or drawing a straight line with it. I don’t know what it is about them, but they twirl them and try to bend them and flail around with them, and if you watch the video, you wonder how anyone teaches anything to middle-school kids EVER. Because that. I’m sure they wonder why we get so crazy about their behavior. I need a room spray that helps them focus on something besides pencil leads and lab equipment. None of them will remember how to USE it today after yesterday’s lesson. But whatever.

So that’s what today will be like, and hopefully I can keep a sense of humor about it (it would help if I were less tired)…because honestly that’s how I survive most of what they do. I think to teach this age group you have to be just a little bit nuts.

*Nirvana, Lithium

Try as Hard as You Can*

I do most of my artwork at night. Occasionally I can work on a weekend afternoon, and during my breaks from school, it’s more common to find me working during the day, ironing or cutting or tracing. But in reality, I’m a night owl. Mornings are not productive for me. It takes me about 2 hours of being awake before I’m ready to talk to people (I talk to animals at all hours). Being a teacher means I usually have to talk before I’m really ready, but that also means I really understand those kids who are at half mast in 1st period. I also flail in the afternoon…basically from 2-6 PM, I’m mostly useless. Except I can still teach. Because you have to, I guess. I can iron then. Sew sometimes. Mostly I start artmaking after dinner and then go until I should really be asleep…until all of you are asleep. The thing is, I suck at falling and staying asleep too. Although I think the latter is sometimes only noise-related. I’m a light sleeper. And my brain doesn’t like to turn off for sleep. Melatonin doesn’t work. It’s art brain. It’s not happy that it gets tuned out during the whole workday. It wants more of my time.

I try to give it big giant chunks. Like last night, I had a plan, but it got side-tracked. And then it was 10 PM. So I did almost two hours, but then I have to head to bed or significantly suffer the next day. Art brain whines. Ugh. I tell it I will give it more tonight. It’s sulking. I give it more tea. It wants to go back to bed. I’m with it. I also want to go back to bed. But that’s not an option, because work. The other work. The pay-the-bills work…that I totally blew off last night. I need to do a vocab page plus grade shit, and eh. Last night? No way. But I am so tired this morning…and I know I slept better than the night before, when Simba barked with his brothers, the coyotes, for a good 45 minutes. Asshole. Seriously. That’s one of his nicknames…Mr. Barkypants and Asshole. Too bad for us that he is also sweet and adorable on occasion. Last night he tried to eat soap. Apparently it did not taste good.

So starting at 10…I gave the second male figure a head, hands, and the other arm (but not a penis). Those hands were easy.

img_8631-small

Then I started ironing the arms of the last figure, number 4, who is behind all the others…mostly hidden.

img_8632-small

It was easier to do that with the rest of the ironed bits out of the way. I have two of these big teflon sheets for ironing. They’re not cheap, and I have to keep them away from the cats who like to chew plastic, but I have definitely used them enough to make it worth it. Some tools are just non-negotiable.

img_8633-small

The hands were a pain because the fingers overlap. It will be easier to see that when it’s stitched. But you can see where the other part I just ironed will fit right on top of that. And then the lower torsos will go underneath, with the land on either side and the water below. So I currently have 5 large pieces of the image ironed together. Really, all I have left to do is the top right part of the arm, then the head of the 4th figure, and the clouds above her head (which have about 200 small pieces of stuff in them). And then iron it all to a background.

I’m not finishing tonight. There’s at least 300 pieces…that’s at least three hours. And I need to go to the gym tonight. But I can get a lot of it done tonight and then hopefully finish tomorrow? Maybe? I got nothing else going on (please don’t look at the pile of stuff to be graded…which will be significantly worse next week when Unit 1 gets turned in). Aack. Yeah. Be efficient at work today.

The dogs were rampantly annoying last night. I love them, but sometimes they are very needy beasts. Calli was adamant that this bone was hers…and hers alone.

img_8626-small

I played fetch for a while with Simba, but then Calli wanted to play. That worked for a while, until Simba wouldn’t bring back the other ball…he would just race after Calli. And then Midnight wanted attention (she doesn’t fetch). So I’m sitting on the floor with three out of the four house animals.

img_8628-small

I know I’m the only person here, guys…but maybe you could get attention one at a time.

Anyway, you’ve heard my plan for getting this thing ironed down. Seriously, though, people always ask how I get so much done. Well, first of all, besides the furry beasts, I live alone most of the time. And I don’t socialize much. Hermit! But even when the kids were home all the time, I always set goals…quarterly goals, monthly goals, weekly goals, daily goals. Part of my sitting here and typing every morning is a way to tell myself what I want to…what I EXPECT to get done today. And then I don’t mope around when I don’t get it all done…I just set a new goal. Adjust it. I have high expectations…and failure is normal. It’s a minor blip. OK, so I didn’t iron for three hours last night…but I did two. That’s more than most people.

With that, I need to get off to the other job. And finish this cup of tea, because I still don’t feel awake. Remotely.

*Depeche Mode, Shake the Disease

And if I Was Stronger…*

There are people who probably exit a 3-day weekend with a sense of relaxation and repose. I am not one of them. I am pleased with what I got done, but wish (always) it was more. Wish I could move time a bit. Although if I could move it a bit, I’d probably move it a lot, and then it would always be Spring Break…not Winter Break, because Christmas and all the holiday stuff is hellish. Not Summer Break, because it’s too hot here. Yesterday was delightful. I had to put a sweater on at one point. It was the precursor to Fall, except here that’s a joke because our summers come in September and October, so the hot hell just hasn’t hit yet. But I enjoyed it while it was here. Not by going outside, unfortunately…I did work all weekend. I wish now that I had hiked a bit.

Mostly I ironed…I got the bottom part of the three larger torsos done and in the boat, with the cat and the smaller figure in front. It’s hard to tell them apart at this point…but the quilting and inking will help with that.

IMG_8615 small

In fact, the overlapping figures makes this a pain to iron as well. I originally numbered the front figure first, and then back…and it would have made more sense to do the back one first. What I’m doing is ironing from multiple numbered bins as I go, filling in from the back to the front. This makes it hard to know how much I have done.

IMG_8617 small

The front figure is the smallest, but has the most visible detail.

IMG_8618 small

And the arms aren’t making it easy either. I don’t really think about ease of MAKING while I’m drawing. I just count on my ability to figure it out. So in this section, I finished the 400s, did most of the 500s, but also have 600s, 700s, and 800s scattered around in there..

IMG_8620 small

I like to know how much I have done…it helps me figure out how much there is left. Not happening with this one.

I had to iron the face separately, because I couldn’t see all the parts well enough in the middle of all those other pieces. The teeth were the main issue.

IMG_8621 small

Then once the front figure was done, I started in on the one behind her.

IMG_8622 (1) small

Yeah, she looks scared. But I don’t think it’s because of him. I think he’s trying to help. She’s just not getting any real comfort out of that. I’m gonna have a lot of fun trying to explain this one. Yup. Another dream.

Anyway, so I’m into the 600s now, but almost done with them…just his head, I think. Then I’ve already done some of the 700s. So I know I’m more than halfway through, which is good, because I’m over 10 hours in (in two days) and I want this thing ironed down to the background this week. And stitched down by the end of the weekend. In fact, it would be ideal if this were a quilt sandwich by next Monday. Is that possible? Well, of course it is. Although life always ALWAYS gets in the way. The question is, how badly? We shall see. I set goals, people, so I can break them or make them. If I don’t set them, the work doesn’t happen.

The girlchild posted this over the weekend. The boychild and I are pointing out the three peaks…Cuyamaca, Middle, and Stonewall. This is from the Sunset Trail hike in the Lagunas this summer, the one that apparently almost killed the girlchild. The one where I remembered I need to carry chocolate…really GOOD chocolate…on every hike with her.

IMG_8609 small

I did a lot of this over the last two days. He needs it. It’s blurry because he never stops moving except when he’s asleep.

IMG_8612 small

And I graded a bunch…although only one long torturous assignment. Midnight was absolutely no help.

IMG_8613 small

And the laundry had this lone sock. Not mine. Boychild says it doesn’t help, although it is his.

IMG_8614 small

This is kind of my life right now. The one left-behind sock. Yeah, the long weekends are hard. I don’t have time to go out and socialize, but my head doesn’t do well with all the alone time. I had a shitload of work to do, so I was busy, but not busy enough. It is what it is. And now it’s the “work” week. Because I don’t work all the time. Amusing.

*Ingrid Michaelson, Sort of

Sweet Freedom Whispered in My Ear*

 

So I didn’t get as far Saturday as I wanted to. Shit happens. Basically whatever I SAY I’m going to get done on a Saturday is never going to happen. I suck at Saturdays. But I did get all the pieces sorted into bins…by 100s. It makes it easier to deal with a 1200-piece quilt.

IMG_8565 small

There’s about 140 pieces of rock in the bottom section.

IMG_8566 small

So I did that yesterday afternoon. Ironed them all together…

IMG_8581 small

It’s very calming and relaxing to do this part, the ironing. Enough of my brain is engaged in the process that everything else just sort of wanders away. Plus the quilt finally shows up, the image finally comes together.

IMG_8584 small

I finished the rocks before I went to my parents’ for dinner, and then came back and kept going. Were there other things I needed to be doing? Well yeah, there were. Thanks for reminding me. I’m a little panicked about all that right now.

IMG_8587 small

Then I went up one side…

IMG_8588 small

And the other. These sections are pretty easy to iron: big pieces, not a lot of detail. They go together quickly.

IMG_8589 small

The rest of the quilt will not be so easy, unfortunately. From here on out there are a lot of overlapping body parts.

IMG_8590 small

But the cat and the boy…they’re not so bad.

IMG_8592 small

See, here’s where it gets wiggy. The boat is in there too. There are four figures all behind each other. So I’m starting with the ones in front…because that’s how I numbered it. Now I’m wondering if that was the most logical way to do it…but it’s what I did, so I’ll just keep going.

IMG_8593 small

So the original drawing is behind the teflon sheet, and I iron right on there, using it as a pattern. All the pieces have Wonder Under on them, so they stick pretty good. They seem to stick better when I accidentally iron something in the wrong place. I don’t know why that is. Anyway, I got about halfway through the 400s. I’m hoping to do more today, but I do have to do some other stuff too. Cleaning and schoolwork and some stuff for an art group I’m in. So I can’t do what I want, which is start ironing now, briefly stop for some meals, and iron until it’s done. Oh well. That’s what being an artist is like, really. Fit it in around the job that pays the bills. Put off cleaning the floors. Don’t just sit on the couch watching TV. It takes willpower to do that. And I guess I have plenty of that.

So Abby Glassenberg (who interviewed me for her article on AQS’s bad social media decisions) did a podcast with Maddie Kertay (who is currently showing my two banned quilts in her store Spool in Chattanooga, Tennessee). The podcast is here.

My two quilts are hanging at Spool right now…

IMG_8594 small

This is kind of exciting…I mean, I’m glad to see them again. It’s been a while. And um. Well. Fuck you AQS. Really. And thank you Maddie and all the other people who are supporting this craziness. The GOOD crazy. The support for the quilts. The work. The art. The artist.

IMG_8595 small

I appreciate it. So stop by and see them, buy some fabric, and maybe pick up some of these…

IMG_8586 small

Because they’re awesome. Maybe take a photo with the pin or the quilts (Melly Testa’s quilt will be there too! And it has a penis in it!) and hashtag it…I don’t know what? #wheresthepenis? The AQS show is in a week and a half. We have time to figure that shit out.

Saw this while going to art exhibits Saturday night. The lefthand side is the shadow…

IMG_8567 small

OK. I need to eat something and then get to work, so I can iron later. Make more work.

*Elton John, Someone Saved My Life Tonight

It’s Been a Hard Day’s Night*

So there’s this three-day weekend, and all us teachers sit around and joke about how we always lose this weekend to work. We don’t do anything exciting. We don’t even WANT to do anything exciting, because we’re two weeks into the school year, and we need a recovery day. Honestly, I need a full day just to catch up on schoolwork. Because you forget how sometimes you have to force yourself to grade some assignments. You forget how much TIME…your personal time…goes to this job.

And then I am still trying to adjust to cooking just for myself again. I get tired of it. If it’s a day I know I’m hiking with the dogs or going to the gym, I have to assume there will be very little cooking when I get home, or if I know I have a meeting, same deal…so I have to cook in advance. Sometimes I get lazy and think, “Oh, it’ll be OK if I eat the same thing every meal for the whole week.” Well. It’s not. Funnily, this week, one of the three meals I cooked (one breakfast, one lunch, and one dinner) was causing some digestive issues by the end of the week. But I couldn’t tell which meal it was…so I really should have just tossed all of them. I mean, I am a science teacher, so I could conduct an experiment where I remove one meal from each daily rotation until I figure out which one it was, but I probably would have run out of food by then. So you know…I just bullied through…and reminded myself to cook more meals during the week next time. I really don’t like eating the same thing every day. And where some people might give up on a Friday and go out, I was too tired. So I ate leftovers. I think I officially have no edible leftovers as of today. That’s probably a good thing.

So a three-day weekend with nothing but stale bread and cheese. And whatever is in the freezer. Sounds good. (It’s really not that bad. I have an artichoke and two kiwis. And an old peach.)

The really really amazingly good and miraculous news is that I finally finished cutting out all those damn pieces! Whoo! Yes, I stayed up past midnight. It was 16 1/2 hours in the end…

IMG_8562 small

And it looks like nothing. Seriously. All 1200 pieces fit in a shoebox-sized plastic box. I’m hoping to get a significant chunk of it ironed this weekend, finish during the week, stitch down started by next weekend.

OK. That’s a little crazy, but I’m running out of time. I keep saying that like it’s gonna change something. I guess the good thing is that all my calendars just went to September, so I can see the span of time clearly. If I look back through past quilts, I don’t see any that are equivalent in time at the moment. But I would guess at least 13 hours to iron. Really? I can do that this weekend, right? I still need to sort the pieces though. So I should aim for about 3 hours today. Because I have this shit to deal with too…

IMG_8544 small

That’s three assignments. I have fewer students (knock on wood) this year, although I can tell the behaviors are a bit more challenging. And they got their Chromebooks this week, so then a bunch of this goes online, which just means I can’t see how big the pile is. I’m not sure that helps. Certain things take more fortitude to grade, though, like essays. So I made it through two classes yesterday (well, I had taken all week in class and prep trying to get through one. I really just needed to force myself to sit and read them. I would have been a lousy English teacher.). I plan to do one class a day, so as not to strain my brain. The good ones are easy…the ones that some of my language learners write? Oh. My. OK. Now I know why writing has been so hard to get them to do this week. But how do we get better? We practice. Which then I have to read. I love that the training we sat through talked about giving them complex texts…because I don’t think they can access those. But whatever.

Puppy. Sigh. I took him for a 2 1/2 mile hike, then played Pull on the Toy and Throw It When I Can Get It Away from Him for about 45 minutes. But he still wanted to bring his toy and put it in my face.

IMG_8545 small

My new thing is to put the pillow between me and him…so I can get a break. Eventually he calms down, but still wants to be in my lap. So I cut pieces out with him perched on my leg. Poor puppy is missing the kids. I know he doesn’t understand I’m tired on Friday nights. We’ll figure it out.

Anyway, I’m working on the weekend post-it note, and it’s not too bad looking, if you forget that most of the things on there are multiple hours of work. Yeah. A day off. My ass. I’m glad to have the time to iron and just wish the schoolwork was less of the work time.

*The Beatles, A Hard Day’s Night

My Brain and Tongue Just Met

Definitely a Friday tired feeling. I even went to bed early last night. I know! Before midnight even. It’s like the world is ending. But really it was just to make up for the huge lack of sleep the night before. If any raccoons were on my roof last night or if my neighbors were moving all their vehicles into my bedroom, I did not hear it last night. I was asleep quickly and mostly stayed that way. Well, until 5 AM? Don’t you hate that…you’ve got another hour or so, but then your brain starts to rehash all the shit you need to get done, and you’re like, NOOOO, you must sleep that hour, but the brain is seeing the hints of daylight and hearing the dogs fuss. Yeah. My brain is not helpful.

I did take my scissors and accoutrements to the stitching meeting, which is good, because when I came home, between being tired and Simba launching himself at me with toys (I did play with him for a good long time before I started), I only got an hour in. So much for my thinking I’d be done last night. Ha! Three hours in last night, and I still have a lot to do. It’s deceptive. You don’t think about how hard cutting around a bunch of rocks might be. But it’s time-consuming. Waves are much easier to cut. I have all the waves and hills and mountains to do…plus a bunch of little rocks. Probably there’s only a couple hundred pieces left to cut…but they are not the easiest pieces…you can see how empty the box is though.

IMG_8527 small

SO CLOSE. So tonight I’m going to sit here and watch TV and finish. Here’s what’s done so far.

IMG_8528 small

At least I have a 3-day weekend. It’s a post-it weekend though. A weekend when I have so many things to do that I need a paper reminder. My desk in front of my keyboard often has 4 or 5 post-its sitting there, trying to force me to do stuff, until I get annoyed with them being under my arms. One of my important post-its, the one with all the art deadlines on it, got partially eaten by the puppy. It’s OK. I wrote it on the door (on a whiteboard thing), but honestly, I barely look at the door, so I should stick to the stickies (ha ha). I have 3 attached to my monitor, but they all remind me of how to do or access things on the computer that I can’t remember how to do without help. As I get older, this will get worse, I’m sure. It has to be in front of my face for me to see it. Reminders on the phone have to be timed just right, or I’ll ignore them…or not even see them.

I’ve been getting a lot of peer pressure (which you might notice I’m ignoring) to do a penis quilt…at some point, I had this post-it started…

IMG_8532 small

The numbers are for something else. I think. Really, I don’t work like this. I sit down with my sketchbook and I draw. But now you kinda know how my brain works. I have 5 bathtub drawings, with two having been made into quilts already. I’m not sure I want to (or need to) go there. But I wrote it down. I also have a list on my phone, which is where these will get transferred eventually. But probably will never come to anything.

So things for this weekend include some cleaning, some errands, the basic laundry and groceries that happen every weekend, plus grading at least two assignments, lesson planning, updating the website, and maybe sleep. Possibly an art opening or two. But what I really want to do…starting to iron this quilt together. Maybe doing all of it in one day (I suspect it will take more than a day)…I just want to be in here with all those pieces and an iron and my brain…yeah.

Midnight agrees.

IMG_8525 small

I need to be able to walk away from the school stuff a little. We’re two weeks in and this first month is always too much, so I need to find the balance and stick with it.

I forgot. Yesterday a woman from this official state group who comes every year to make sure we have enough textbooks for our kids was in our room. I’m a little irritated (or as my daughter says, salty) about this, because I know they don’t go to the “richer” schools. And they’re only supposed to check 20% of the classrooms, and they always come to mine. Last year, I got busted for having hand sanitizer not locked up. It was the stuff the district gave me. It was in a cupboard, but it says it’s not safe for kids (because they might drink it), and I was like…um…sure, these are 12-year-olds and sometimes they make really dumb decisions, but drinking hand sanitizer IN CLASS WHILE I’M HERE has not been one of them. So this year, every god damned fucking thing they might fuss about was locked up, including the pinto beans, because they might put them in an orifice. And you know what she did? Besides checking every faucet (safety issue?)? Came up and asked me if all my lights were on, or was it always dim in here.

I took some significantly deep breaths. Because she just came in from outside and it does seem dim in here when you come in from outside. But uber brightness isn’t a great thing in a classroom either. I also did not say to her (although I thought it), “You’re dim.” Because this law…I understand why it exists. I know there are assholes in education who don’t give us books…in fact, at the moment, the entire fucking state of California does not have a relevant science curriculum, because the damn state hasn’t adopted one, even though we have to teach to the new standards. So I almost told her all that, but instead, I used my superpowers of momhood to (probably quite scarily) smile at her and say, “No, they’re all on.” Rolled my eyes though. I love bureaucracy. I wish we could trust people to just provide the stuff they’re supposed to in schools so this shit wasn’t necessary.

But yeah. You can see why I need to come home and just make art and not think about work.

*Regina Spektor, The Consequence of Sounds

Each Morning I Get Up, I Die a Little*

I’m sort of braindead. It’s true I went to bed a tad late, mostly because I was cutting out tiny pieces of fabric and I wanted to finish all the flesh pieces, so I would know I only had about 300 pieces left, so I kept cutting. Plus I wasn’t tired. At all. Unlike this morning. So it was a late start in sleeping, and falling asleep was an issue as well. But then Simba was Mr. Barkypants last night. Someone was outside moving cars or something at 2:30 AM and then a raccoon was dancing on my roof at 4 or so. So I’m sure I slept, because I had 700 dreams of large cats (like lionesses) all around the house, stalking me, stalking the dogs and cats, and I kept trying to get good photos of them to prove it to all of y’all, but the damn things were sneaky fuckers and kept fading back into the shadows just as the phone clicked the photo. Plus I kept having to grab Simba, because he wanted to attack the big cats and they would have eaten him. I have a lot of those rescue-type dreams where I’m essentially failing at it. That’s part of what that big penis-free quilt is about. But AQS doesn’t want to hear that part.

It’s unfortunate that I didn’t have enough sleep, because I think I have to teach metric conversions today (I almost wrote conversations…that would be hard. A metric conversation?) and that takes voice and brain power. I’m a fan of metrics for measuring things, mostly, but some part of me really likes that we Americans stuck with a bizarre measuring system that includes the length of some king’s arm or foot or thumb, or whatever the fuck it was. I mean, I can’t be the only fabric hoarder um quilter who uses the fingertip-to-nose measurement for yards? I mean, I guess I could measure how many centimeters or meters it is from fingers to nose, but then I’d have to remember that, and being raised in the US means we don’t even realize metric is a thing. Until we have to convert its ass. And then…confusion. Because what the hell is 2/5 of a cup. Impossible to fucking measure, let me tell you. Why do I know this? Girlchild cooks. Her dad is a Brit. Hence we have British recipes. I convert better than she does…and honestly, I write the conversions in Sharpie marker on those British recipes. Because I can’t think that hard every day.

Unsleep mental wanderings.

Yup. Still cutting shit out. Over 11 hours of cutting shit out right now. And I don’t think I’m going to finish tonight. Dammit. Sigh. Puppy. Speaking of dammit. He was relatively well-behaved last night. The night before, he stuck his head in the pile of cut-out pieces and tried to run off with them. He also grabs fabric. I’ve never had a dog go after my fabric before. Cats sit on it, occasionally vomit on it, but no dog action. I think he’s jealous of the fabric. It gets more attention than he does.

IMG_8516 small

I did manage to do all the flesh pieces. The cut-out box on the right is almost full.

IMG_8518 small

This is all that’s left…the ocean and that one kid with the fish (OK, a little more flesh) and the sand, hills, and mountains. A sun and a cloud and a lightning bolt.

IMG_8519 small

I have my sewing meeting tonight. It’s in a Barnes & Noble coffee space (it’s not a shop). It would be hard to bring this with me, but I think I’m going to anyway. Because I fucking need to be done with the cutting out of pieces. So I can sort and start ironing. Plus I need to iron that baby owl down. I have the background for that. Three-day weekend coming. Coloring book needs to get done too. UGH.

See…OK, actually, it looks like a lot in this view. I shouldn’t have looked at that. Dammit. It’s OK. I can do this. The hand is sore today, but only a little, and I did lift weights at the gym yesterday, so that might be part of it.

IMG_8521 small

See I was playing with him…he was resting.

IMG_8510 small

Little psycho.

I have to play music in the morning (a) to wake myself up, (b) to distract the parts of my brain that miss my children in the morning, and (c) to drown out my neighbor on the phone on the slope above me. SHHHH. It’s morning. No talking. I really am not a morning person.

*Queen, Somebody to Love (this is actually a good waking-up song…just inspirational and sing-along enough to perk my brain up. Not as much as highly caffeinated tea will, but it’s a help.)