Category: Quilting

And There She Is…

People ask me sometimes what inspires my work (or sometimes, why the hell do I make what I make?). It’s just what’s around me…what I see, hear, read…and cats have been in my art since the early days. Kitten was no different. In fact, if I’m correct, she was in 45 of my quilts in the last 17 years. Geez. I must have liked her. Why do I put cats in quilts? They are in my life, my world, on my fabric, literally IN my quilts (that fur, y’all), on my quilts, on my computer, on my book, and they are comfort to me. They lie next to you, on you, claws in your clothes, drooling on your arm, biting you (Kitten bit me so many times, and once I needed antibiotics…she was mad), licking you, making biscuits on your near you, pouncing on your toes, waking you up in the middle of the night, in the morning, bounding on top of you, disrupting your book, your sewing, your ironing, your grading, your sleep, your yoga, and your meditation. Cats are pretty judgmental and often snooty, but they do love and come when they’re called…sometimes. Kitten got out once, through a screen, and disappeared for 24 hours and I freaked out. She came back though. And she swallowed thread once, after 10 years of totally ignoring thread, and cost me over $3000 in the summer to save her life. She had some weird genetic disorder and lost half her teeth, but still ate the hard food happily. She was feisty and sometimes vicious, but loved in the best way ever. And every time I come in here, into my studio, she is not here and I’m having a hard time with that. Do you know that this is the first time I haven’t had a cat (of my own…there are three here who belong to the Man) since I was 22? Yeah. Crazy. And no, I’m not ready for another one. There will be one…just not right now.

Oh man, the old sewing machine. On the left, Limbo, who was also 17 when he died, and Kitten at about 2 years old.

So here’s a retrospective of quilts with Kitten in them (Limbo is in some too…they all end up in the quilts at some point). From oldest to newest.

Disrupted, 2010.

Huge piece, made for the Sightlines exhibit. All the quilts connected with the two smaller pieces on each side.

There’s the detail. I didn’t always put the color behind her eyes…I had simplified cat drawing at some point. But in this one, it looked like her.

Green Tea, 2011.

I hand-dyed that background. Crazy how simple this piece was.

Water, 2012.

Most often, she’s on a shoulder.

And I often picked weird fabrics for the calico parts. A bell? She might have worn a bell in the early days. We did put collars on the cats early on, so we could hear them. Not any more.

Babygirl, 2013.

Interestingly named after another cat we had, an adoptee when my great great aunt died, but Kitten is in this piece, which won a Pussy award.

Earth Day, 2013.

Still simple.

I remember drawing this quilt in a cabin in Julian.

I Gave Already, 2013.

She’s in this one twice…the big plate the woman is holding was a list of all the things that were costing me money at the time.

But she’s also on my shoulder (and Ivy, the dog, is on my hip).

That might have been the year she swallowed thread. Can’t remember.

Wise Choice, 2013.

This is the quilt I made about Planned Parenthood International providing birth control to women who wanted it overseas, who couldn’t get it otherwise. It was considered political (why our bodies are political, I don’t know) and there was some questions about whether it was an OK topic for the show, but the curator, Carolyn Mazloomi, talked to me and said OK. It was my first introduction to Carolyn. This traveled with the Earth Stories exhibit for three years.

Here’s Kitten…

Bottom right, protecting the baby in the basket.

Love (not), 2014.

Rough year.

But there was a cat. Those Australian aboriginal fabrics are one of my favorites for calico cat coloring. So much variety.

Absolutely Nothing, 2014.

War, what is it good for? Yes, that’s a pile of men she’s standing on. Those who freak out about penises in my quilts should count them in this one. And there’s Kitten!

Awakening the Crone, 2014.

The crone, mother, and maiden in this one. Plus cat and owl on a shoulder. Look, barn owls before I had any!

In 2015, I made a bunch of smaller cat quilts and sold them all. The last one sold last year actually. Took it a while because it was the weirdest one. Here is Cat 6, 2015.

Owned by a friend of mine.

Here’s Cat 3, 2015…

One of my favorites.

Cat 2, 2015, owned by my mom…

And Cat 1, 2015, also owned by a friend.

Earth Mother for Ventura, 2015.

One of two quilts where I hid a cat in a boob.

In Deep, 2015.

Ivy the dog is on the right, fully asleep, and Kitten is checking out the bathtub. This is the first of a series of bathtub quilts, and she shows up in all three.

Part Time Oasis, 2015.

I can’t remember who argued the cat should have a heart, but I did add one.

The Goddess of Never-Ending Chaos, 2016.

There’s a lot going on in this piece, but Kitten is sleeping through it. That’s a Kaffe Fassett fabric I think.

Holding It All In, 2016.

Second cat in a breast. This was a response of mine to Earth Mother for Ventura, where I was told I could not have nudity. So this one has nipples. And a uterus. Although one nipple is part of the tiger pattern and one is a flower.

Give Me Time, 2016.

I actually have all the Wonder Under cut out for the head reversed. I somehow flipped the drawing and traced the whole head backwards and had to go back and retrace because the bird wouldn’t fit backwards. Haven’t made it yet.

Finding Peace, 2016.

The next bathtub quilt.

And Then There Was One, 2016.

A remarkably small piece with over 800 pieces in it. Crazy.

All Stacked Up, 2016.

Kitten hated water.

I Can’t Be Your Superwoman, 2017.

Simba is on the right of the stove, and Kitten is on the left AND on the burner.

More than one appearance…

MomSleep 2017.

This is a quilt that actually laid on a bed.

Not Less Than, 2017.

Midnight, our black kitty, died just before I drew this one. She’s on one shoulder…

She looks pissed off. And Kitten is on the other one, playing with a rocket. She was pretty playful until the last 18 months.

Some Like It Hot, 2017.

Calli (the dog) is on the left in this one, but also Kitten, who would occasionally walk on the edge of the bathtub.

We Won’t Go Back, 2017.

More man piles. Probably a penis or two. And Kitten.

Womanscape, 2018.

Yup. She made it into this one too.

Sweet Delicious, 2018.

Based on a poem I wrote.

Portrait of the Artist As a Young Woman, 2018.

Always a cat.

This quilt got stolen from a venue and put in the trash, but someone saw it there and called me. Thank goodness.

Heart-Shaped Box, 2018.

Curled up in a ball, paw over her face.

Bigger in the Outside, 2019.

Back to the shoulder.

Swallow Me Whole, 2019.

Can’t have a quilt about anxiety without a cat in it.

Oh wait, I was reviewing this post, and I found another Kitten in it.

Space Cat, 2020.

These are in order by year, by the way, but not in order within the year. I made this one after I put an astronaut cat in another quilt, Connected at the Hips, 2020.

So this was the first one.

Coronawood, 2020.

No pandemic without Kitten.

Here Comes Life, 2021.

Apparently she shows up for childbirth too.

The Way Out, 2022.

I’m making this one in clay. I think it has a cat too. It does.

Same As It Ever Was, 2022.

Shoulder cat. In real life, she never sat on my shoulder. She rarely sat on me. She was a right-next-to-me cat.

War Zone, 2024.

This was drawn well before 2024 though. The bottom bit was drawn at the end of 2023, but the original drawing was much older. I added to it though.

Seeking the Crone’s Protection, 2024.

That crone deserves a cat. Kitten was a head butter. Even at the end.

Lost in the Trees, 2024.

This was another old drawing made recently into a quilt.

Same fluffy cat that was in War Zone.

Portrait of One Self, 2025.

I mentioned before that Kitten spent the last year getting really sick and we’d think that was it, and then she’d rally. I drew this in one of the really sick stages. Didn’t think she’d survive to the end of making this quilt. Hence the wings.

She’s in here twice too. Another castronaut. Catronaut?

And last, but probably not last…because my brain does what it does…AI Is Not My Friend, 2025, the last quilt I finished with Kitten in it.

The original drawing on the right was repurposed into this drawing, so it’s older.

But there she is. She’s not in the one I’m working on right now, but I can guarantee she’ll show up somewhere in the next few months. Hard to imagine her not being here in the room, and all over my stuff. I’ll be finding her fur in fabric for years, trust me…Midnight’s is still everywhere. And she’s obviously in my heart and mind at the moment. Today is International Cat Day and everyone was posting cats and I’m like, but I don’t have one anymore. But I do. She’s in a whole ton of the things she made, and I even have a quilt my mom made of her. I’ll post that next week. I kind of feel like it was appropriate to spend a few hours today searching through all my work, looking for her. And there she is.

Remember Fabric

Summer Break is officially over; ironically, summer in Southern California is just beginning (it was like 97 degrees yesterday). We’ve got at least two months of ugh weather, depending on how bad the apparently nonexistent climate change wants to make it. At least I’ll be in air conditioning during the day, right? With 140 kids. It’s fine. I’m totally not ready and had to be up at an ungodly hour this morning…it was early enough that the baby barn owl hadn’t gone to sleep yet.

It was light out by the time I got out of the shower. I’m not feeling positive about today. I know some people totally get into the first day back, they’re all hyped up. I’m an introvert. A million people in the mall (yes, we are meeting in a mall on the first day) is not my idea of fun. Honestly, talking to people at 7:30 in the morning is not my idea of fun. They give us popcorn and soda (can’t have those) and then the new guy posted all the treats he has for us, and I can’t have any of it…it’s either chocolate or sugar or both (I’m allergic to chocolate, if you didn’t know, and diabetic). So whatever. I already have the nutrition menu pulled up for our lunch options, so I know the carb issues. How does a salad have so many carbs in it? Sigh. And that doesn’t even count the dressing. So I bring my stitching with me for the morning part, and I have a book on my phone, snacks in my bag, ready to walk if the blood sugar alarm goes off. Wearing my new school year shirt (we had to go in early and pick one up). I’ll be OK next week when the kids come. Just not a fan of the adulting part (the part with the hundreds of adults). And I get to be one of the first people to talk at our meeting this afternoon. I actually don’t care about that part. It works OK after so many years of doing it. Get up in front of a hundred people and talk? Whoopdidoo. Got it.

Here’s baby owl and a parent…

I’ve had a hard time being in the studio the last few days. Kitten is supposed to be in here. When she was an actual kitten, she was in here…

That’s my old office chair. I’m three chairs past that one now, I think. They’re always covered in cat fur though. Already just hanging out with me. Sigh. Poor baby. Miss her. Maybe I’m the poor baby in this equation.

So I spent a bunch of time futzing with Spargo stuff in the living room yesterday instead. I still have a million things to stitch onto the borders of Homegrown…

And then all the embroidery. I then checked on some of the other in-progress Spargos and cut out pieces for another month of the mushroom one (just finished a mushroom book…seemed appropriate), reminded myself I was close to done on one of the forest blocks, and remembered that the critter blocks are next on the embroidery list when I finish the Rooted trees…think I’m on June or July with that one, so another three? I think. I appreciate the brainlessness of following someone else’s pattern sometimes.

I did iron in here: two hours yesterday and two and a half the day before. I know it’s hard for you to see the difference between the days, but I can. Here’s Wednesday night’s progress…

Made it through all the swamp trees and maybe a little past that…looks like there’s two rockets in there.

Then yesterday…

I did all the space stuff…well the ‘sky’ stuff, which is the big blue and purple pieces you see, but not the planets and stars and sun…that’s all that’s left. About 100 pieces. Complicated because I try to decide what each planet looks like in terms of color, but not super hard like all the people pieces. I should be able to finish tonight and then start cutting them out. A good part of the process for the start of the school year…sitting on the couch and bingewatching a show the Man is calling “Call of the Midwife in India”, which it kind of is: The Good Karma Hospital. Light fare, but about helping people, certainly, which is what I need right now.

I was reading a book by T. Kingfisher, one of her shorter soldier series based on old stories (I liked the second better than the first, which was based on House of Usher)…and she wrote…

That’s definitely from the second one. They are definitely dark. And in the acknowledgements, even better…

I’m amused by that. The first is What Moves the Dead; the second book, which both of these quotes are from, is What Feasts at Night. The third comes out this fall.

When it’s hot, cats flop.

Nova makes biscuits. It’s adorable. Bowie is less adorable, but I still like him.

OK, damn, I have to leave in 15 minutes. Ugh. I did make it to ceramics on Wednesday, but it was packed, so instead of trying to get the big torso out, I worked on the head.

This thing will never be done.

And as we go back into the school year, one run by AI apparently (even in my district, they are pushing it)…see in June, when school gets out, what happens to the graph?

I am so amused. And not. Ah well.

OK. Back to the crowd in my head and my personal space. Remember to keep fabric at the forefront. Remember Kitten. Finish ironing tonight. All good.

Reality Check

Hey it’s a Monday. The last Monday before I officially go back to work, although I am in fact going to go lesson plan today with my coteacher. Because that’s what teachers do, y’all. On summer. When we don’t get paid. Why do I do it? Because my later-August self will be so happy that I didn’t leave everything to the last minute. I’ll be exhausted because school started, but things will be mostly planned, because the planning days they give us will get eaten up by stupid meetings. They always do. So. That’s what we do. This will be the third 4-hour session this summer for us. We’ve done more in previous years; we’ve done less. Luckily (or biologically), as of Friday, I started feeling much better, able to stand and iron things, and I tested negative for COVID yesterday. The Man is still paranoid as shit (he started a new job this morning after 18 months of unemployment due to a work injury that has still not been solved), so he does not want to get sick. I agreed to giving him the 10 days of ‘stay away from me’ and even wore a mask in the car with him. It’s fine. He would get much sicker than me anyway. Although this is the third time I’ve gotten COVID (that I know of), and he gave it to me the first two times, including the first day of school a few years back. Fun times. Strangely, I was not sick at all last time (18 months ago) and was definitely sick the first and third times.

So, ironing!! Oh bliss, oh wondrousness. It’s funny. Often I put it off, OMG, it’s gonna be so hard, especially this time, because Kitten is now living in the studio with me (it’s not very big) and so I have her on a rolling office chair, her food and water is in here, with the damn litter tray, and the ironing board and another rolling office chair for my butt, plus the 17 tables that live in here. I finally just up and moved a bunch of stuff into the girlchild’s room (needs to be managed anyway…although now that school is starting, ha!). It’s crowded, and I can’t reach some of the fabric because Kitten is in the way. She gets freaked out if I move too much around or over her, and rolling the chair out of the way is problematic too. So it means I am limited to the fabric I can reach.

I started ironing before I went to San Francisco…got about 2 1/2 hours in, but hardly any pieces. This thing is complicated. Lots of little things. Friday night, I did about 90 minutes, I think…nah, almost 2 hours.

Definitely did some flesh in there, although there’s way more to come. Not much in the way of color yet.

Saturday, I felt FINE. And I had nothing else to do, so I got about 5 hours done.

Yeah…moved the pieces into a bigger box (had to find one that wasn’t being used). Lots of little people in this…still not very far into the pieces though. I was trying to keep track of what flesh colors I used for which arm (this thing has a lot of arms)…

Then yesterday, I went over two hours, no, almost three, and got the main figure ironed…

Still lots of brown and earth colors. But another Statue of Liberty. So far, I’m in the 700s, but I haven’t done all the 600s, and I’ve ironed for 12 1/2 hours. So almost halfway? It would be nice to get all these ironed down by Friday (the day we go back). We’ll see. I have all day tomorrow. I have some time on the other days. I had to move the dentist and the eye doctor to this week. Plus you know, all the stuff I was going to do all summer? Well, I never get it all done and so I should finish it all this week. Ha! Not happening. Never does. I know I need the down time, and I did so many fun art things this summer. I am worried about my ceramics. Don’t know if I can get there today though. We’ll see. The animals are going to have a shocking day with no one home. They’re already freaked out. Ah well.

I like this.

Especially as a public school teacher. But boss, the president told me to! New boss this year. Ugh.

I definitely need one of these, but I would just ignore it. I have a nonfiction book I’m trying to finish (so much harder than fiction), and I tell myself to read a chapter a day, but every chapter is LONG. Like 30 minutes or longer. Yes, I am spoiled by short fiction chapters. Remember reading real books (I’m reading one right now) and you would have to flip forward to see how many more pages until the chapter was over?

Well now it tells me how long it will take to read it, so I can read one more before I go to bed. Or work. Or whatever.

In reality, I just keep reading. OK, I need to take meds, find my work stuff (it’s all in the bag I shoved it in the last time we met, in the beginning of July), and get out of here for a few hours. Reality check. Not the fun kind. Wait, is there ever a fun kind of reality check? Huh. Then run errands and come back and find time to iron a bunch of things on the main figure, before I iron the ICE swamp. Second quilt ever with a swamp in it. Same president. Same fucking swamp. Enjoying the last four days before the next school year starts. Deep breaths.

Still Down With It

OK. So I’ve been sick with COVID since Sunday night, apparently (sorry to my plane mates…I didn’t know). Yeah, I should have been masked, although I’m not sure where the girlchild and I both got sick. Hoping today is fever free. I am better…the first few days were very low energy and sleepy. I’m definitely increasing in energy, but was still running fevers yesterday on and off. I’ve canceled/rescheduled the dentist, exercise, lunch, not sure what else. I was planning on getting a booster shot this week, before going back to school. Oh well. Interestingly, the last time I tested positive, I had almost no symptoms. Not so much this time. Lots of sleeping and reading going on, and when I felt more energetic, I started appliqueing wool bits down to the borders of Sue Spargo’s Homegrown.

It’s mindboggling how long this takes.

Once I had tested for COVID, I moved into the girlchild’s room and my office, trying to limit the other people in the house from exposure. Hoping I wasn’t too late. It didn’t even cross my mind when I first started feeling sick. Silly really. The Man starts his new job on Monday and we’re hoping he doesn’t come down with it.

I’ve stitched down all the stuff on the top and bottom borders; I’m doing the side borders now.

Five flowers a side. Big ones. Time-consuming. Not hard though, which is good, because my brain is mostly nonfunctional. Amusingly, I’m also doing my district/state-mandated online trainings today, with about half my brain. Seriously, I’ve experienced over 20 years of integrated pest management and bloodborne pathogen trainings. The assessments are often stupid, making you memorize things that are not useful, like how big an opening a mouse needs to get in a building (all of them were small; you literally had to memorize which small thing they had mentioned in 28 minutes). I’m not saying we don’t need to know these things…it’s just a lot of minutiae.

Back to the stitching…there’s about 85 pieces that need to be appliqued down on the two side borders, and I probably have spent 8 hours so far. Not all of it this week…

Last night, I had Simba on the bed (past his bedtime) and Bowie coming to visit.

I kicked Bowie out later because he keeps climbing on shit and knocking things over.

Sleepy boy.

So I still have a ton of those to stitch down if I need more down time, which I probably do. I’d like to be energetic and well enough to stand in here (I’m in the office right now) and iron things to fabric…the thing I started before I went to San Francisco. I’d also like to have enough energy to go to ceramics, because it’s been a while and I’m worried about my piece. Not much I can do about it at the moment. I’ve had to move a bunch of stuff to next week that was supposed to happen this week, so it’s all of a sudden more full than I like. It is what it is, I guess. It’s now officially August and I have to think about school. Total mindset flip.

Meanwhile, the cats are all exhausted.

And hot…

Kind of with them.

There’s this…

No hubs but…and this is a joke, but I’d rather spend time making art, thanks.

OK, back to mandated reporter videos. I would like to thank them for making up a new complicated story for each year. Just watching this set of videos is traumatic. And having reported more than once, it’s too bad that humans can’t be better across the board. I have one anonymous card that I’ve kept for three years now. I do often wonder about that child and how they’re doing (multiple reports, police were involved, they sent the kid home with parents). Ah yes. And watching this training while thinking about the current government and the Epstein files? WTF. There’s a gap there that cannot be explained.

Sigh. Hopefully no fever today so I can be a little more active…starting tomorrow, I can be out of the house if I have no fever, although I need to track down a mask. Pretty sure there’s one in a purse or bag somewhere, or maybe in the car. I have a million at school…ironically. My gym bag? I’m glad I had enough books and brainless stitching lying around to entertain me, and furry beasts to provide sighs, boofs, and love. And someone to go out and buy more meds and food. Not that food is very exciting at the moment. I’m doing a lot of revising what I eat to get blood sugar to behave (hard when you’re sick). The CGM has been really helpful and I’m glad I finally agreed to it. Insurance is covering it completely, and if I keep up how I’ve been doing, my A1C will be coming down in the next three months. All good. Art. Health. Balance.

Kick Them Out…

Summer is the time for all the doctor stuff. I am squeezing in three appointments this week and two next week. Pro: I got the tooth pain hopefully taken care of this morning with a root canale (been dealing with that on and off for a year) and got rid of an early morning ultrasound (fasting before school; torture). I’m doing the best I can with this aging body. I have a team of specialists trying to help. I just need one to drop off meals! Is that a thing? OK, I know people can cook for me but it’s completely outside of my means and not required. I’m just tired of trying new things and having them taste blech or react badly with my digestive system or just make me feel crappy. Working on it.

I might be done dye painting for this time around. I need to type up a document for myself so the next time I do it, everything I need to know will be in one place. I painted two more at home here, but won’t have time to do any more, and I’m pretty sure the dyes are wearing out. We’ll see when I wash these two out…here’s the first one…

I think a lot of the vibrancy will wash out, but it will still be cool. I set up a table in the driveway in the shade, no wind, very nice.

That said, my table is ancient, water-damaged, and heavy as hell. I should replace it with one of those fold-up plastic tables, yeah? First need to find somewhere to dispose of this beast, which is probably 25+ years old.

Then I spent 2 hours painting this one…

Crazy. We’ll see what it looks like. It’s the biggest one I’ve done.

Then I sorted the first 100 pieces, after cleaning up the studio and moving Kitten’s stuff around.

She’s almost 17…and much slower.

Bowie doesn’t leave her alone, so I moved her food and litter tray into here, the smallest room in the house (besides the bathrooms), where I have the most shit, but I can close the door against the teenager who wants to bug her. I can’t get to a chunk of my fabric at the moment unless I move that really old chair with her on it. Sigh. It’s fine. I’m working around her. She’s peacefully sleeping most of the time.

A lot of the Wonder Under was releasing this time, so I have this lovely selection of web that belongs to a piece somewhere.

I started ironing last night…

Dirt and rocks and a little bit of grass under the gravestones.

I also managed to make my Quilt National artist talk video (only 4 tries to get it under time without my staring off into space because I’ve forgotten the plot multiple times). Today, I need to clean up the dye stuff, wash out those two, and pack for leaving tomorrow midday. San Francisco is like 20 degrees cooler than here, so packing is intriguing. Plus two days in hot. It’ll be fine. I’m actually really looking forward to all the art stuff. And the kid. She’s cool, mostly fun to hang with. She probably says the same about me.

I finished one tree at the residency (during Zooms) and started this one. I’ve worked on it a little this week.

I think there are only three left. This is my post-dinner, still watching our show stitching, assuming I don’t need to jump on the stationary bike because my blood sugar is blowing up. Really fun times.

This concerns me. As I age and my partner and parents age…

I’m not worried about 99.9% of the undocumented, except making sure they have food and healthcare and their kids are in school and OK. I realize that makes me woke or liberal or an activist. OK then. I am all those things, because I care about people I don’t even know. And I know that ICE is trying to deport people that we need here. And they’re not qualified, most of them, to do the job they’re doing, as evidenced (evidence y’all!) by their trying to deport children and US citizens and people with green cards who have committed no crimes. Who pay taxes. Dumbassery. But cancer…damn, not paying attention to that? That’s gonna fuck all of us up. Even MAGA. Even Republicans. Maybe especially them because they’re so busy saying it’s the undocumented immigrants causing all their problems that they don’t have time to go to the doctor for those weird symptoms that are actually cancer.

My dad and I had a conversation about socialism the other day. Because what we do here in California is not socialism…it’s capitalism. It’s just capitalism with some empathy for the not-rich, not-white, not-man. Some. Not enough. Ask the mentally ill. Because they don’t get what they need.

Anyway. Sigh. Politics. Always. It’s hard to get away from it. OK. Wash out dye paintings. Clean up dyes. Eat lunch (mouth is still numb; they said an hour, ha! Not even). Talk to diabetes dietician on video call. Go to pilates. Pack. Probably need to do laundry again to do that. Then iron some more. Maybe buy some snacks for travel. Maybe not. When is TSA gonna get rid of the no-liquids over 3 ounces rule? OK great, I can wear my summer flipflops through TSA again instead of going barefoot (that’s a plus), but I want to bring my tea and water without having to search out a drinking fountain and wait in line in a super-expensive drinks line. Maybe that will make me stop wanting the Epstein files released (it won’t…but they can try). By the way, in case it was ever unclear, I think everyone on the Epstein list should be removed from government. EVERYONE. Don’t care how important they are, don’t care what their politics are. Kick them out.

So Much Easier

I’m back home. Briefly. Like four days, then gone again. I seem to have squished all my travel into a two-week time period. Like it’s almost not worth unpacking before packing again. Different trips though. For the residency, I needed to take seven thousand modes of artmaking. For visiting my daughter, I can stick to a sketchbook and some stitching. I do want to finish up using the dyes today…I should already be doing that, but I got distracted by things. I am very distractable. Distracted. Possibly distracting.

So here’s the last bit of things from the week at Dorland…this is where I dye painted every day in the morning and the evening, when the wind stopped being a crazy dick.

Sometimes it would pick up again right at 9:30 AM; sometimes it wouldn’t even have died down at 7 PM. I’d get a random 20-mph gust and be holding onto everything. But that was part of the challenge. Get up! Get off the chair, out of bed, and go paint before the wind or the dark comes! I’m having that problem today…no wind to make me move my ass. But I will paint today. As soon as I’m done with this, I’ll go set up the table in the driveway and paint until I run out of prepped fabric and/or dyes. I think I can do another 3 or 4. I like it! I don’t like all of what came out of it, but some of them I LOVE.

This is the last one I painted up there; the dyes washed out a lot (but I don’t have a picture of that yet).

I still love it. I’m going to wash all of them this week in the washing machine, final wash. Then decide what to do with them next.

Here’s these two washed out…I love the different ranges of brown in the top one. It all looked the same before I washed it out.

And the bottom one is perfect! By the way, I finally got test results and contact from Sharp…the test results popped up around midday (yes, I was obsessively checking the goddamned app every hour). Benign! Damage from last year’s surgery, probably from the radio transmitter thing they put in, because it went in in a different location from the surgery. Probably next year’s MRI will show damage from this biopsy. Sigh. Thanks body for inflammation and necrosis.

I also finished the second leg on this thing…

Just needs arms and a head. Not sure when I’ll get to that. I like doing it, but it’s so freakin’ slow. Not that the other methods I use are fast really.

I also tested out some of the other mark-making devices I had around the house. I need to wash these out and see what survives.

Some of those line drawings need color or something.

This view is of the valley during the day.

Oh man, I killed so many spiders in the house, mostly littles, but some bigs. One might have been a scorpion and one was a yick ugh camel spider/wind scorpion, not really either of those. It was under my bag when I moved it, went under the wood stove. Then the leather chair. I was obsessively watching it because it was huge. Went to bed and it moved across the room, under another bag (or worse…there were TWO of them). It was moving sluggishly and then sped the fuck up, when I screamed and brought in the shoe. I was gonna put it outside, but fucking no, not if you are that speedy and aggressive. Apparently it doesn’t have venom though…it just wants to be UNDER. Blech. No pictures. You can google it if you want.

I think this was from Sunset Point, which has a similar view to my porch. Closer to sunset.

There was a need to see the sun set each night. I’m going to be honest and say I never saw it rise. Mornings are not my thing. I did do one hike, but didn’t bring poles, so I didn’t do the whole thing. Probably did a mile and a half. Was strangely paranoid about wild animals and/or falling. Anxiety is a fun thing. It manifests wherever the fuck it wants.

Here was the indoor space when I had multiple projects going. I was in a Zoom or webinar, one project on the porch, a pile of stuff under the table, sewing machine to the left, the beginnings of the woman on the right. It was chaos.

Probably a smaller space wouldn’t have worked for me. I didn’t play with everything, but I did play with a lot of things. It was good; it was nice that it was close enough for me to fill the car with things to try. A longer trip? I’d focus on one type of thing, I think, and probably not the dye painting. It is chemical/supply heavy and a pain in the ass, honestly. It doesn’t mean I won’t do it again. I just am aware of the time suck now.

Once a day, y’all.

Some things from what I was reading over the week…

Drawing boobies whenever you want to. Still Christopher Moore’s Anima Rising.

This is intriguing…

From Rebecca Solnit’s Hope in the Dark.

Terrifying to think of…

More about education…

It’s mind boggling. But true. As is this…

Not my Supreme Court…still.

On fire.

I didn’t consciously know about the poet Andrea Gibson…I don’t follow a ton of poets. Maybe that’s a problem. But their stuff is beautiful.

And the world is less full and rich with their being gone…although their poetry remains.

While I was gone, two artist friends of mine were at the Lubeznik show in Indiana…in front of my work.

Which was cool to see.

I got home and unpacked a lot (not all of it) and cleaned part of the fridge, ironically, because to check out of the cottage, I had to clean it to save the cleaning fee, and I probably worked harder there than I ever do at home. That said, there were some things I pulled out of the cupboard that were sticky and I cleaned them prior to using them. But my fridge at home is mostly gross and I needed to get rid of some stuff, so I did all that. Kitten is now full time closed up in my office, to avoid Bowie interactions. So I’m living with a litter tray and food and water. This will be a little problematic when I need to start ironing tonight, but we’ll manage. She’s seriously old and needs peace. She’s currently on an old office chair and can jump down for what she needs. What she really needs today is a bath. Maybe later.

I also sorted the Wonder Under I finished cutting out up at Dorland…

I was tired after that. I’ll need to do some cleaning in here to be able to work on the next step. I also need to go into the ceramics studio…not sure when that is happening. I’ve got three doc appointments in two days (and one is a root canal, fun times), plus pilates (my hip is looking forward to that). Still trying to figure out the patterns of my blood sugar. Oh! And I need to make a video for Quilt National…I should do that today. Maybe. Maybe I should clean first.

Nova was glad to see me yesterday…

Lots of love. The others too…

OK. Dye painting today. I should shower first. I have pilates later today, but in the middle of the day, like a freak. I need to eat something. Might go straight to eating lunch. I have a headache. Sleep related? Not sure. My hip really hurts for some reason. The weather is weird, all cloudy and delightful. I should take advantage of that. So many things to do! That’s why being gone was so much easier.

A Thought

Sure I’m never gonna have just one thought. My brain works way too fast in a branching psychosis that may be helpful in some situations, but sometimes ties neurons up in knots and creates flailingness. I’ve been working on art stuff most days for about 4-6 hours on and off, depending on the state of my brain. I should be able to work for 12 hours, right? I do know that pre-COVID, I would spend 6-8 hours on a break day or a Saturday, just working on one piece…but that’s a known process, it’s ironing all the pieces to fabric, it’s cutting things out…the idea already exists, the process is something I’ve done for years. This? Is not. This is fucking around with new ways of making. New ways of thinking and working. Somewhat exhausting. GOOD, but definitely the neurons needs breaks.

Here’s my thought. And it’s one I’ve had before but it is just being reinforced by this week away. I need to do this full time. Well…I first was going to type “more”… but full time is the reality. Nope, the reality is that I can’t afford full time right now. I’m watching a webinar right now where I know these artists are full time…and I don’t know HOW (retired? Partner supports? Independently wealthy?). I am none of those things. I am aiming for the first. The other two are out of reach. That said, I can do more. I think. I say that and then school punches me in the face. Imma punch back this year.

SO. I just posted all these pictures in order of when they were taken using the ancient iPad, and that’s not how I usually write. I usually do it more thematically, but I don’t want to waste two hours like I did Wednesday. So it’s gonna be that way.

The dye paintings have to sit MOIST and DAMP for 24 hours, so I make piles of them in cut-up and taped plastic bags with the dates/times written on them that I painted them, and then I wash them out as I go, more than 24 hours later. I knew that peach would get less orange, but I love that the blue stayed so blue. I love the top one…the bottom one I also love, but it will need some handwork, I think.

I’m trying things out here. On the one hand, I like the thin line I get with the tiny applicator, but it’s hard to draw with on fabric. The thicker ones are easier, but bleed more. But I also want to mess with just color and dye. So this is all trying stuff out.

Scrub jay. It’s loud and visits every evening. Last night, they brought a friend.

I forgot to take a picture of this piece before I covered it; the thin lines dry out really fast and it was in the afternoon, so it was warm and windy and I was afraid it would dry out too much and not set. And I haven’t washed it out yet…so I don’t know whether it set or not. That’s on my list for this afternoon.

Here’s the other line one I did that WAS washed out, although it needs more washout with Synthrapol…there’s a shadow as I let it dry. Obviously, these need color. Or maybe not. I think they do.

I have fabric paints and pencils and pens and a whole host of shit I brought and am not going to get to try. I overplanned. Wait, I always do that. It’s not a surprise. The Man is coming to visit today through tomorrow, and I’m going to send some stuff home with him, because I’m either done with it (threadpainting) or I’m not going to get to it (ceramics, probably paints & pens & pencils…still thinking about that). Once he leaves, I don’t have much time left anyway…just Saturday afternoon and evening. Sunday is mostly packing and cleaning.

This one…I love this one. I outlined with a thin brush, not the applicator. Still a pain, but less than the applicator. Then painted. The color, the orange, a lot will wash out. but I still love this.

Once you mix the dye paste, it’s hard to know how long it will last. One book says 5 days; the other says “keep track as you work so you know”. Um. Well. This was yesterday morning, and I mixed all the dye paste on Monday (took forever because of the wind). I think today is day 5. I still have a bunch of paste left, though, so I might just keep going and assume they’ll get more pastel with time? It really is just a matter of how much of it washes out. I have a shit ton more fabric. And a lot less wind at home. And a few days off before school starts. Actually, there are a million doc appointments in three days, and then I leave for San Francisco and the girlchild and more looking at art. I love this for me!

I read Christopher Moore’s new book, Anima Rising. It was great. Lots of art and cultural and literary references.

I love Sedna.

This is either the same alligator lizard that was on the door or another one (I think it’s a bigger one, honestly). NATURE!

Luckily, this one was outside. With the snake and the squirrel and the fox and the ravens and the owl. But NOT the spiders. I’ve killed 5 so far, 4 of them giant ugly grass spiders who survive multiple shoe whacks, and one bit me while I was asleep (not the grass spider; something smaller and bitier)…on my NECK. Freaked out by that. And yet, I continue to walk around barefoot. I did leave out the spider-killing shoe though…as a warning?

I was on two Zooms yesterday, one where an artist explained how she bought a church and remodeled it to be living space and studio (not happening here in San Diego…Susan Lenz, in case you’re interested) and one was my local SAQA meeting, with a presentation by another artist (Angela Jean). Both were interesting, but I couldn’t focus on anything else, so I embroidered the…is this June?…block of Sue Spargo’s Rooted. Finished this one…

And started July. Here’s the setup where I’m working on the female figure. I thought I might work on that, but apparently the brain can’t listen with intent AND make art with intent.

I need to edit some of these photos, but I might have to go back to the iPad for that, OR leave them be. Frustrating process. Not sure why I can’t do it on the app here.

Here are these two washed out. I love the top one. The brown washed out but still looks great. I can quilt this and it’s done. The bottom one…well, I loved it when I painted it, but I used the thicker bottle applicators and it bled like crazy…which doesn’t work for this. I’ll have to decide whether to fix it somehow? Or chalk it up to practice and make a cat blanket.

This one I think will wash out well…the browns have a lot more colors in them that will show up after the washout. I had a plan, but then accidentally dropped dye in some places I didn’t originally have dye…

A learning experience. I did this one last night. It was dry and the wind kept picking up randomly. There were storm clouds floating around, but nothing stuck…until the 5 seconds of rain at midnight or so.

I just take lots of sky pictures…weird for someone who isn’t really a landscape artist. The sky is way more complicated in person.

In the afternoon and evening, I worked on this. OMG this is so time consuming. I guess I didn’t come up here to find faster ways to make art. This is with 9 hours in.

I get one section pinned and then stitch it all down (by hand…that may be part of the issue, but hand stitching doesn’t make things as flat as machine, and that’s what I want). I had to add another section to the bottom to accommodate the feet. I still need to work on the lower legs and then the arms, and goodness, she might need a head. So it’s not getting done here. But I like it. It needs a lot more. Also, I so did not need to bring two giant boxes of fabric for this. But I ran out of time to edit fabrics.

So yesterday was business day 6 of not hearing back on the boob biopsy. I called in the morning and they said all the things, I found out that my doc IS on vacation this week (she’s allowed), and I asked for the sub doc to call back or something. The nice man (who is a man and maybe doesn’t understand boob anxiety) said “oh I’ll send a message and they’ll answer in another 3-5 business days”. OMFG. I explained that I’d already waited that long. I have an appointment with my doc next Tuesday anyway, but I really don’t want to wait another however many business days to hear. Did I hear yesterday? Nope. Nothing. Kept my phone on all day, nothing but fire warnings. SIGH FUCKING SIGH. So this morning, I wake up, slowly, and I check my email while trying to get functional enough to do another dye painting, and Sharp sent an email that new test results were released, check the app, and my heart races until I get the app opened…and there’s nothing. No new results. No letter. No message. Nothing. Fuckers.

So I painted this.

The wind picked up, but I think I got my point across. It’s not even the correct boob, but I don’t care. And then I sat through an art webinar that told me I needed to quit my job and make art full time. Ha! It didn’t actually SAY that; I just thought it afterwards.

OK. So I’m still boob anxious. Betting that doesn’t change today. I need a walk, I think. I need to wash out like three things? I think. Maybe two. I have a meet and greet tonight with the other people here. Need to bring an example of my work. Ha! I need to clean up and organize a bit so the Man has a place to sit. I need to work on the lower legs of that other piece. Oh shit, I drew last night too…apparently that picture didn’t come over. Let me see if I can do it on the phone (how many devices do I need to post one thing???).

Answer: three devices, because two of them suck. Well, they all suck in some way, or I wouldn’t need more than one. Original post started on ancient iPad, added most photos there. Saved draft. Typed most of words on laptop. I am old school. I am also old. It’s just easier to type with a real keyboard than hunt and peck. Edited photos and added the drawing photo on the phone…too small for typing.

Walk, then eat lunch, read book, then clean up. Wait. Check Find My app to see if the Man left already. Nope, he’s in the bedroom (scary, huh? He’s actually probably in the bathroom.). So I have at least 90 minutes before he gets here. Then wash out any dye painting that’s more than 24 hours out. Then do other things. Art things. Maybe talk to a human today. I haven’t in a few days. Except on Zoom and the phone with Sharp. OK. Do the things.

On Time Is What I Say It Is…

Oh yeah. Again. Lost days. I can’t remember WHY yesterday was a lost day, but it was. It wasn’t. I did things. I might not remember what I did, but I did things.

The current quilt: I’m trimming Wonder Under…

It’s remarkably slow.

I’ve made it halfway as of last night…

And it’s taken almost 5 hours. There’s two more yards to cut out. Just a lot of smaller complicated pieces. I won’t finish before I go on my residency. I’ll probably take the remainder with me, just as brainless filler. Along with other things. All the things.

I met with friends on Thursday and did some stitching on this…

I worked on it last night too, and it’s almost done. I’m taking it with me next week too. Like I said; I’m taking everything. Just moving the whole stash up to the cottage and then bringing it all back. Not really. But it kinda feels that way.

I thought I had finished all this until I was packing it up and realized the gun on the tank is not glazed.

In reality, I’m gone for a week and we’ll see where it’s at when I get back. This hand has broken off more times than I can say…it’s slightly lower than the board and the board doesn’t fully support it.

Stupidity on my part. Hopefully it will survive the next week. I am taking some clay with me…one thing that’s formed that I started carving into like three months ago. Another slab of clay to make something else to carve. I need to make the wet box today for that.

The girlchild is here for a long weekend. She cooked us dinner last night, but there is always time for Simba.

He likes it.

I screenshot this because I like it…

I actually have been trying not to use the word beautiful to describe people or smiles or eyes or hair or whatever. I’m not perfect at that though. But yeah, beautiful is not something I’ve ever been…and I’m OK with that. Or pretty honestly. And right now, I have another hole in my boob and an allergic rash from the adhesive patch and a scratch from Kitten. Oh, and acne at age 58! Ah well. I forgot to wash my face one night. So there we are.

Today. Today is packing and organizing and trying to be ready to leave tomorrow. Plus an art opening down in San Ysidro. And getting the office ready so Kitten can be in here without my carrying her out to the litter tray and food 5 times a day (yes, that is what I am doing at the moment.). Hopefully next week, I’ll be able to get lots of fun things done. And maybe blog on time (it’s my schedule, so it’s on time is what I say it is.). And maybe just be an artist for a week. I food prepped yesterday to help with that. I don’t need to think about what food; I just need food. Yeah. Looking forward to this, even though I am also anxious about it. That’s how the brain works. Art brain is racing forwards and the rest of my brain is trying to make sure there’s enough fabric. And it’s scoured. Crazy, right?

So Out of It…

Well hello. I don’t know what day it is. Don’t ask me. I know my art residency is coming up soon and I should be maybe panicking more about packing for that. Although I’ve been collecting shit in piles for days. There needs to be more though. Really. Really? Welcome to my brain.

The Man says I can’t call this a waste of a day. Even though really nothing is getting done, it’s a day when a thing needed to happen, which is why I am currently strapped up in three Ace bandages with an ice pack on my boob. Fun times. I got less than four hours of sleep last night and then had a needle stabbed from the left side of my left breast all the way across to my cleavage. Also, I’m fascinated by the word ‘lavage’. It has such a nice sound for what it actually is. And I had an official ‘boob holder’ nurse who kept pressure on the bleeding hole while I walked across and through a waiting area and a hallway and another desk area to a lying-down place (it had a name), where she continued to squeeze my boob as we talked about school and art and her kids. I wish I could tell you I remember her name, but I don’t. The bleeding did stop. Eventually. I don’t remember the last biopsy being this annoying…it also wasn’t over 90 degrees out and I probably had more sleep. I slept on the couch through the middle of the day and then all of a sudden, it was 4:30 PM. Girlchild is coming tonight. I need to deal with her room, the compostable trash, and dinner. It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m annoyed by the compression bandage (who wouldn’t be?)…it’s uncomfortable and hot and itchy. That said, they found a thing they didn’t like and now they have sampled it and hopefully it is nothing and if it is something, then that boob will get a second scar, and it’s a good thing I didn’t get around to tattooing the first one, because they will be dueling scars. SIGH. Fucking huge sigh. Science is good. Really. Also, I found the acetaminophen (yeah, I knew I spelled that wrong, flipped the a and the o)…so pain relief! Well, no, because honestly, aceta…fuck…Tylenol doesn’t do much for me. Tomorrow! I can remove the 17 Ace bandages and take real meds.

So. Art. I have two openings this weekend, which is awesome. I posted about Infinite Rivers down in San Ysidro before; I will be at that opening (5-7 PM), and I know I’ve mentioned the Lubeznik show, Women to the Front: Artworks from the Sara M. and Michelle Vance Waddell Collection, but they sent installation pictures…so here’s those.

There’s my piece The Way Out in the center. And there it is again.

This is an amazing show.

Lots of cool people in there.

More installation photos…

Another one…

Another one…

And another…

More…

Looks like an awesome show. Wish I could check it out. Couldn’t figure out how to get there and see it without spending a million bucks, plus I had the residency and the other opening.

I finally finished tracing…

It was 17 1/2 hours total…

Bowie is so not helpful…it’s 4 yards…

Time to trim. Obviously not getting to the ironing before I go on the residency.

I finished making this a solid rectangle.

I’m not sure how I feel about it…I think I will be embroidering it. Words I think. It needs a good solid ironing too. Maybe tonight.

Maybe something about this idiot.

Maybe I’m confused by why you would need to advertise the baby, put the baby in a vehicle that has so many recalls, drive such an ugly stupid vehicle and then put this ugly stupid sticker on it? Ah well, they probably feel the same about my bird-poop-covered car with its National Park stickers.

This is too real. I have a piece of wall in the hallway that’s needed to be painted for over a year. I thought I had bought a roller for it but can’t find it…so I bought another one.

Sigh. But haven’t painted it yet (just bought the new roller yesterday though).

This is mind-boggling…

My Medicaid household member has a workers’ comp back injury. How is that gonna work? Are they going to drive him to wherever he needs to work? Are there farmers near here for that? Are they going to house the babies, children, and elderly who will be doing that work? The disabled? Absolutely so insensitive and idiotic.

Luna has toe beans to show you…

The heat takes it out of the animals too…

Poor Simba. His boy is gone again. No long-term fires yet though. Knock on wood. There was one down here, heard all the helicopters and sirens and got all the warnings on multiple phone apps. It’s under control now…stopped forward progress. It was heading for one of our local hiking spots. Gotta stop it (also houses, so there’s that).

OK. I usually would now tell you all the things I’m going to do today. I am feeling more human finally, although ready to rip these Ace bandages off…ugh. I might get some fabric pulls together for next week. I might read my book some more. I might drink more tea. Feed the dog, deal with trash, make dinner, go get girlchild. Oh shit, finish cleaning up her room. Gonna go do that now. So out of it…

Get My Act in Gear…

Hello Monday. I am, as always, not prepared for your existence. And yet, you arrive. With emails. And a to-do list. I finally managed to cross one thing off my to-do list that has been on there for probably 6 months. Impressive. I’m going to do a few more today. Maybe. Because sometimes I only get one thing done. And the quick start I wanted for the morning did not happen. Ah well. Typical.

It was a slow weekend. I mean, not really…but in terms of a diary of what I did, I got a scratch on the back of my leg from a stabby pot and a scratch/divot on my finger from IDK what plant did that. And bites…buggy/spidery/skeetery bites. I got those. I spent too much time watching flood stuff in Texas. We all did, right? Horrifying. Not preventable, but certainly we could be doing more than we are right now…increasing climate crap plus warning systems. I’m boggled by where the blame goes. I’m boggled by a lot lately. Humans don’t do what’s in their best interests.

The Man had a show on Saturday night downtown. I rode the trolley down and read my book the whole way, as the soccer fans filled up the trolley, and then all got off at the stadium. The band is trialing with a new singer, who actually sings for another band.

It was different. They opened for another band. There weren’t as many people there as usual (day after a major holiday). We ended up having to stay really late to get back. It was fine; I read a lot of my book before and after they played. Not sure what it all means for the future of the band.

I traced for about 3 hours on Saturday and another 90 minutes last night. Those are hot cats on Saturday afternoon…

And Bowie not helping last night…

He stabbed the planet Jupiter (the drawing) and then tried to eat the corner. He’s not the first cat to do so. Nova ate a piece out of a drawing a few years back. I do cover things up when I’m not tracing, because they are excited by paper and want to destroy it.

I have filled two yards of Wonder Under and started on a third.

I’m in the low 900s, so about 450 pieces to go. I’ve been tracing for 11 1/2 hours. Yikes. It’s been slow. I’m hoping to do a goodly chunk today and tomorrow. It’s supposed to get a lot warmer in a few days. Don’t want to be sitting in the window/hottest part of the house then. Although trimming will just be on the couch.

It’s a busy week. Need to clean up the girlchild’s room because she’s coming to visit. I’ve been collecting materials for next week’s residency. I have another breast biopsy on Wednesday…hoping to have negative results before the weekend (they were fast before), but no guarantees. I need to shop for food and do food prep before the residency. I have an art opening on Saturday night. I’d like to get to the gym; I have two pilates classes scheduled, but I’m waitlisted on both. OK, it doesn’t sound busy, but that biopsy will eat up time and energy. Mentally and physically.

Trying to read nonfiction from Rebecca Solnit in between fiction, which is where my brain prefers to be…

And this is what will get me through all the stupid shit my country is continuing to do. And it’s why I make art. Well, that and my sanity.

Here’s the owl hanging out on the pole under the box…

This is dad. There are two babies I can hear. They’re loud this year. And we haven’t even gotten to the part where they come out and practice flying. It’s all good. Just glad to have them back.

Today. Finish strapping the three sprinklers to rebar (fun times). Create a wet box for ceramic stuff. TAKE A DAMN SHOWER (I do that every day, but sometimes it’s hot enough that I need two). Go to ceramics and attach that damn hand again. Sew up the boychild’s pants (they just went in the washer). Trace for a few hours. Read a few books. Go try to find my deodorant at a different store (the only one I’m not allergic to at the moment, knock on wood). There’s probably more things on the to-do list that aren’t here, but many of them are overwhelming so I just do a bit at a time. Which is fine. Pretty much need to get my act in gear though. Like now.