Mt. McGinty Take Two

The Julian hike two weeks ago wasn’t very long, so I came back and still needed exercise, if just to counteract the calories eaten at lunch. Plus the weather improved (no more hail or rain), and I had a bunch of dogs and a lazy teenager, and a pile of grading staring at me, so I hustled them all into a car.

Yes, that means I did two hikes in one day. I am approaching crazy. See the bird at the top of the photo? Mt. McGinty overlooks Jamul, Rancho San Diego, etc., and you can see for miles on a clear day…

The clouds made it a cool hike, which is good, because this isn’t an easy hike…

There’s switchbacks, then hills, and it’s dry with no trees.

Even the dogs were tired at the end…

Lots of desert plants…

Long stretches of dirt with clouds filling up the sky.

A long 2-hour conversation with an 18-year-old who is going off to college soon.

A shot-up sign.

The last time I did this, it was pure mud…even though it rained in the morning, it was mostly dry by the time we got up there.

You can see the path stretching out…the rocks make it harder. You have to pay attention. I did actually fall at some point on the way down. Landed on my knee.

There’s a few mines out there…not sure where the access point to this one is…

The view makes this hike totally worthwhile. I could have done it the next morning with my hiking group too, but I had somewhere I had to be.

There’s a couple of nasty climbs on this hike…I think they are all called Heartbreak Hill.

and the ubiquitous yucca…

This is looking east, toward Cuyamaca.

I believe this was looking west…

One of the kids my daughter went to middle school with was recently killed in a car crash. Apparently this was a hike he enjoyed…so the sign had been put up recently.

Boychild and dogs resting at the top.

And leaning on each other for support on the way down (looking south towards Chula Vista and the Jamul Mountain Range).

5 miles and a bit, 2 hours. Definitely a workout. The dogs slept well. Perhaps we did as well.

Julian’s Warlock Mine

Last weekend, in the rain (and sleet and hail but no snow), we had to adjust our hiking expectations…originally we were going to do a 10-mile hike in Santa Ysabel, but the trail was closed with the rain, so we headed towards Julian’s Warlock Mine. You should go check out the Hidden San Diego website, because they actually found the mine…we tried and found A mine, but not THE mine.

When we got to the trailhead, the wind was blowing about 40-50 mph, but it wasn’t raining, so that was a plus. We managed to get all our gear on (it was registering about 32 degrees out too, so that was a factor in my putting 5 layers on, which is why we all resemble colorful snowmen…seriously…3 shirts, two jackets). We stopped near this “sign” (which was mostly illegible) and sent the men on ahead so the women could have a bathroom break. I have to say, there was no way in hell I was peeing then…it was too damn cold.

That was a good decision on my part, because here’s where the hail started…

It’s the beginning of the hike, so we look all happy and excited and fresh. Honestly, this was not a difficult hike with the weather out of the equation…or even WITH the weather. It did rain though. And hail. Here’s a view of the valley below…that’s a road, not a river.

You can see the water drops on the camera lens. I didn’t take a ton of pictures during the rainy bits because my camera is troubled enough as it is…water just gives it an excuse to behave badly.

Here’s the processing part of the mine…

Apparently there were many more structures before (you can see all the leftover metal bits), but the 2002 fire took out all the wooden bits.

My attempt at a selfie. I suck at them. It took three tries to get the building in.

Someone else took this one. Yes, it was cold and rainy.

The hillside below the processing mill.

And from up above. Apparently the hill above us is where the mine entrance was. We hiked around a little bit, but couldn’t find it.

The weather started to clear a bit at that point. We saw blue sky, the clouds started to lift, the rain stopped.

It could actually be a nice day. Unfortunately, Kathy, being the geek girl she is, had already consulted her weather app and knew the rain would start up again at 10:00.

That was about 10 minutes away, so we hiked and took photos of the plant life.

And the valleys and mountains around Julian, including the Elsinore Fault, part of the San Andreas Fault.

The trail is actually really easy.

I think this was raining again.

More valley…you can just barely see the mill in the center of the photo.

For some reason, it was really slow hiking this, mostly because there were lots of photo shoots. I think I had lost my patience at that point and actually wanted to HIKE instead of stroll.

It’s a fault of mine. Even though I was way ahead, I did stop to take photos of flowers…

Oh wait, she was ahead of me and stopped to eat her lunch. Notice the clouds coming back in on the left?

Must be getting closer to 10 AM.

The flowers enjoyed the rain…

The cliff sides on this trail were geologically very interesting.

I never know what the flowers are, but this is a test for Julie, to see if SHE can identify all of them.

It’s a beautiful time of year on San Diego trails.

Ah, the OTHER mine we missed on the way down…this is the Golden Gem Mine, totally unsafe and tiny as hell. I did NOT go in.

I’m not really a fan of mines. I mean, they’re cool and all, but I don’t want to drag myself on my belly in one to see if it opens up.

Here’s another interesting rocky hillside.

And more pretty views of clouds that are about to kick our asses again.

At this point, the weather is starting to change again.

Yucca!

No matter where you go in San Diego, there are yuccas and cactus. At this point, I was way ahead of everyone, and it was raining. A lot. I stopped here to wait, because the sound in the trees of the wind (and eventually the rain and hail) was really nice.

I waited there a LONG time….long enough to look back and see two different faces in this rock (can you see both of them?).

Long enough to stare at this tree with roots growing out into the air.

I think I made some rock piles too, like you do. At some point, I gave up and walked back to another group that was standing and waiting (in the pouring rain) for the last group. Eventually we all caught up and I took off again.

They’re all strung out behind me. I guess I needed a quiet contemplative space. God knows why…I have tons of that and seem to waste most of it making myself more depressed.

Rain rain everywhere. Socks wet. Shoes wet. Pants wet.

Gloves wet. Camera definitely wet.

So what can I say about this hike? First of all, it’s not long, maybe 3 miles round trip. Somehow it took us three hours (are you kidding me?) to do the whole thing, which is probably part of why I was frustrated. This would be good to go on with kids, as long as you realize most of the mines are not safe to go in (and you have kids who will actually listen). Here’s another article from the Reader about the hike that gives better directions. The best part of this hike is that when you are done, you can go get pie in Julian. We actually went back to Dudley’s for lunch, but Julian IS right there. And if you’re smart, you won’t be 5 layers damp from a whopping rain/hailstorm that dropped wet on you for three hours. It’s probably pretty hot in summer. There are plenty of wildflowers in Spring and none of the hike is particularly hard. There are great rock formations and many interesting types of rocks around, plus you can see the Elsinore Fault across the valley. I’d do it again for fun, a light walk, with pie to follow…if I were hanging out in or near Julian, this would be a good pre-dinner or post-lunch jaunt.

Overfeeling

Hey. So. The girlchild is on a rampage. I think she has screamed at me for extended periods of time every day since Thursday. I am so removed from my own emotions at the moment, at least in terms of being angry/irritated with her, that I can do nothing but teacher voice. Calm. Reasonable. Repeating the same thing over and over again. Offering two choices. Calm. Yeah. So I know I wasn’t the easiest teenager in the world (ask my mom; she’ll tell you), but mom actually said she was sorry to me tonight, it was that bad. And it’s stupid stuff. Time home. Driving places. Communicating. Planning ahead. Cleaning up her crap. Not taking responsibility.

All normal parent stuff. The stuff we all do. All the time.

Problem is, at the end of it, I’m pretty much empty of the ability to deal with my own shit. It just takes it out of me. I can’t deal at all. I can’t even think straight. I just used up all my strength on not screaming at her (I was not so successful Friday night, when she really pushed too far and I went off.). It’s OK. This is how she pushes away. This is how she can leave and go far away to college. This makes it easier for her. Not so much for me, but hey…I’m the fucked-up overfeeling one anyway. It’s not about me.

I will survive it. I have to. I don’t have a choice.

I hiked this morning…more on that later. It was pretty good, a little short. The weather here has cooled down a bit, but it was still in the mid-80s…a little on the warm side for serious hiking.

I managed ironing eventually, later than I had wanted…

It’s always later than what I want. My own fault. I don’t remember what I was doing. I’m sure it was crucial. Oh yeah, it was. I made apple crisp (fuck you, I deserve it after the three-day-long screamfest of Mom Knows Diddly Squat) and I meditated and I cleaned house a little (a very little…don’t hyperventilate). I did some computer stuff for school.

Anyway, I didn’t get much ironed…a uterus and related parts, a spider and its web, some nipples, and lips. Exciting stuff. I got tired. There are lots of pieces. Plus the cat really really wanted to sit on the ironing board, and when I kicked her back onto the chair she normally prefers, she jumped up in front of the computer and glared Kitty Glares at me until I was done and she could climb back up there again.

It’s funny, because I’ve been ironing for days and she’s shown no interest in being on the ironing board until today.

But there she is, sending me her best Fuck You looks.

I really am tired tonight. Something about Saturday nights makes me want to stay up way too late, and unfortunately, I still had to be up this morning.

The pile of fabrics I’m using grows higher…

Maybe taking over the room.

OK, I’m falling asleep sitting here. Brain is sending a pretty strong message to go to bed and sleep it off. You were trying to come up with one single positive thing about today…OK, girlchild makes awesome penne with vodka sauce and there are lots of leftovers (do not imagine the boychild at this time. Yes, he is capable of inhaling the whole batch of leftovers without any effort at all, but with any luck, you’ll beat him to it tomorrow morning because you will be getting up before him). See, I can be positive. Penne Positive.

I forgot to post this panorama of the Kitchen Creek Falls area from a few weeks back…

OK. Brain to bed. Rest of me too. Maybe I’ll have more energy tomorrow. Right now I’m too tired to even focus my eyes on the letters.

Done with the Flesh…

Done with the flesh. It only took about 4 hours to find and iron all the pieces for the main figure. I think I’m at 14 1/2 hours into this ironing of fabric…

Not a small amount. More than the Celebrating Silver quilt, but less than the Earth Stories quilt…which I can start writing about this week, I think. I had to stop in the middle, right after finishing this fabric, actually, because girlchild called because her hives were back and she had no Benadryl at her dad’s house, so I got to drive over there and deal with some screaming. Apparently I am no longer the most irritating of the two parents. Oh joy. I have to say it is incredibly difficult to deal with being the mom of a typical hurricane (aka teenager) without a spouse around to commiserate with, but at least my ex and I can joke about it. While drinking wine. Because I think that’s the only way to survive certain types of teenagers.

The bin now has all the flesh for the main figure in it…

I will probably get around to cutting all these out not this week but next. I think I still have about 400 pieces to iron on this thing, so that’s at least 4 nights. I haven’t done the lungs, heart, eyeballs, all that stuff that clutters the human body…those pieces are all here…

With some other stuff mixed in. I think there’s a cloud in there with a giant face. You know, like you see all the time. Sometimes I really wonder where my brain comes up with this stuff. I draw sober, people. Stone cold sober. Oh heck, it’s not really a cloud, it’s one of those thought clouds you see in comics. Except there’s no words. This entire quilt is word-free. That is a bit strange for me.

So tomorrow night, maybe, I will have the patience to deal with organs, with parts. With hair. I already know she has gray hair. It’s a quilt about menopause. I guess she could have white hair. I’ve done that before. Certainly mine is going white, not gray. Is she me? Fuck yeah, she is. Hence the cracks.

Nothing feels right. Can’t just stop being depressed. Can’t find myself. Whoops! That’s where my brain was post-gym. It’s still kinda there, but I tried to squash all the boring depressoid crap with fabric. And Brussels sprouts. Slight addiction with those. Seriously. If it weren’t so hot, I would have tossed some apple crisp into the mix. Had a craving. Tend to listen to those these days. No reason not to, and if apples and cinnamon make my world a better place, then so be it. I mean, really…it’s not going to kill me and I’m having a hard enough time as it is. Why be mean about apples?

The boychild’s piano recital went well…I have video, but haven’t processed it yet. He made no mistakes (Chopin) and it brought tears to my eyes because it’s his last one. I’m such a mopey beast. They gave him a graduation trophy and then a bunch of total strangers congratulated him (and us) after because he got into Cornell. That’s weird. I think. I mean, the kid worked hard enough to get in. Yes, I guess we raised him to think he could, but…I still think it’s his thing, not mine. I’m just glad he’s happy about it. And he is. Should I be feeling better about my own life because my boy got into Cornell? It’s his life. Mine’s a fucked-up mess. His should be better, simply because I’m not in charge of it. Move on, kid…do it better than your momma. Please.

Here’s all the fabrics I’ve used so far…two sets of flesh fabrics…

I really tried to be efficient today, to get stuff done, to get that feeling of achievement, of purpose. I did finish some things. I am trying to be positive. I updated the website for one of the groups I manage, I sent my website photos in for another group I’m in, I wrote the appeal for the tax board thing, I submitted for the next SAQA portfolio, I went to the gym, I graded a bit, I prepped almost everything for school next week. I have a plan for tomorrow, groceries and hike etc. I cooked dinner. I finished two books (both of which are books I need to review, so those will be separate posts). There are about a million things I didn’t do, but there aren’t enough hours in the day. But doing all that doesn’t make me feel good.

I miss going to the movies on Saturday nights. I miss those hours of mental space and relaxation that I had. I can’t seem to replicate that on my own. Hiking is the closest I get, and that’s still not the same. Movies provide a visual/emotional outlet that hiking doesn’t always give me. I could just go to the movies on Saturday nights by myself, but I’ve found that is a dangerous place to let my brain be, so I just don’t. I really miss it. I miss lots of things, though, and that just makes everything worse. That’s what’s behind the statement above, that nothing feels right. Because it doesn’t. It isn’t just about missing the movies. It’s about missing my life. I don’t feel like me. I don’t know who or how I am. This is where I am, and I don’t like it. It’s like I’m trying to break out of my own skin. I did not ask for this.

The counselor says I need to just keep turning things around to the positive. But she says things that seem crazy to me. Things I don’t want to do. I’m sure normal people could tell themselves those things and not have an issue with it, but my brain doesn’t work like that. I do tell myself, hey! because of all the shit you’ve been through, now you get to hike all the time. You get to make more art. You get to…sigh. That’s about where it stops. There are some things I don’t have to deal with any more, and I’m relieved about that, but there are so many yucks that I have to deal with instead that it doesn’t feel like a plus. I like to hike, yes…but I feel a bit obsessive about it, like I’ll go crazy if I don’t. I’m not sure that’s healthy.

Hey, here’s the new video…actually, the video is nonexistent. It’s all about the song.

Harvey Danger, Why I’m Lonely…I wonder sometimes who in this world will put up with my weirdness in drawing, art, music, hiking. I think, from experience, the answer is No One.

I’m not sick, but I’m not well…

Tomorrow morning’s hike should help. Clear my brain. Maybe I’ll scream a little. Stomp a little. Cry a little. Maybe I’ll run the whole thing. Maybe I’ll eat Skittles and be on a crazy diabetic sugar high (bad plan). Maybe I’ll just hike fast and hard and bring my brain back some wildflowers. Whatever. It’s got to be better than being alone in my head.

In My Head, There Are Wobbles

I’m reading a book that is a lot like many other books I have read. There is a person who wants one thing and is forced to follow what’s expected of him, until they try to kill him, and then he becomes something larger or better. I can’t decide whether or not I like the book because the plot is so standard, and yet it’s not, because of the specifics of the story. I want to keep reading, because I’m interested, but I already think I know the gist of what will happen.

This is like the opposite of my life. I don’t know what will happen. My story is pretty typical (OK, except for the part where I stay up all night and make art while y’all cuddle with your pillows and mammalian bedfellows), and maybe I’m the character with the crippled hand or the one sold to slavery by her uncle. Where I’ve left the characters now is huddled in a tiny, hot, dark room, waiting for the command to rush out and vengefully kill everyone who wronged them, to somehow right all the wrongs with violence and death.

I don’t know why my brain is focusing on this now…in my head, there are wobbles. Hazy areas that I travel through where the brain just sort of wanders off and explores weird ideas (yes, art comes from this). It’s hard to let it wander freely, though, because I have a counselor who tells me that those wanders are often what pulls me back into the serious bit of depression that I seem to be having a hard time shaking. That part of my brain tends toward the negative, the depressoid, the hopeless. Unless I’m outside hiking. Or staring at my sketchbook. Then it can still be unhappy or dissatisfied, but the clean fresh outdoor air pulls that black smoke out of my head and it disperses in the sky. I can almost watch it. If you hike with me, you’ll hear it…you’ll hear me take a few giant breaths, great big sighs, like it’s a relief to finally be in this place (because it is). I can’t explain that.

The drawing, the sketchbook…hell, I just draw the damn wobbles. I draw the negative. I draw the pain. I draw it and then it is less in my chest. It’s less in my heart (my heart, so small, so broken).

While I’m waiting in this tiny, hot, dark room, looking for vengeance? I don’t want that. I just want an explanation. I want answers. I want it all to make sense, and the fact is, it probably doesn’t make sense. It’s someone else’s messed-up brain that caused all my pain, someone else’s delusions. And you can’t do anything about what someone else’s brain is thinking if they won’t listen to you. If they aren’t paying attention. That’s their deal. These are the wobbles.

It’s been really hot here this week, up to 100 degrees. I can handle the heat, but it makes it hard to hike. We joke in my hiking group about going earlier and earlier (I think in August that means we hike at night and not during the day…I do have a headlamp!). I have a hike for tomorrow, when it’s supposed to cool down to 83 (wow)…and I’m a little concerned, but will take plenty of water. It’s a big group tomorrow, which I’m not thrilled about, but my regular group is all training for Mt. Whitney, so they’re up in Idyllwild doing San Jacinto…and I’m not. I’ll still be on the PCT tomorrow, though. And yes, I still have two hikes to report about, but this weekend really has a huge pile of to-do messing up its pretty, so who knows if I’ll get to that.

Yesterday I was tired, so I didn’t post. I survived work by being a little on the crazy side. I’m leaning more and more that way as we get to the end of the year. Keeps the kids on their toes. Keeps me from crying in class. After counseling I had told myself I had to go test drive cars. I need to make a decision, and my parents are helping because I am significantly poor (ask UC System…they said I was) and can’t afford to fix the old car, let alone buy something that won’t die tomorrow. So I drove. I, who hates dealing with salespeople, went to three different dealers and told them what I wanted to drive, and did that, and then they all tried to double-team me and force me to buy TODAY TODAY TODAY and I did the tough old lady thing and gave them all fake phone numbers (OK, I didn’t actually do that, but I thought about it) and walked away. So we have a plan and Dad is helping me because I basically said I couldn’t deal. I had too much other crap to deal with, so he’s looking and he’ll be my filter. I need that. I need someone to be my secretary, my assistant, my aid. Too bad he can only do the car stuff.

By the time I got home, it was after 6. I graded, I cooked, I exercised, and the girlchild finally came home and that was explosive. I get tired of people not listening to what I’m saying, not respecting anything I’m saying. It was too close to all the shit that’s in my head about the last year, about not being respected, not being a part of the conversation. Except she’s 16 and that’s normal for the mom/teen girl relationship. So I walked out.

And came in here and then went in the kitchen and washed all the dishes and the boychild came in and confirmed that I wasn’t crazy. Thanks kid. Who’s gonna do that when you’re gone?

So then I ironed…

Oh wait! You know what’s funny? I didn’t iron anything. I’m still trying to find all the flesh pieces on the main figure, so I spent 48 minutes sorting and trying to place them by color value…you can see above that fabrics 1 and 2 in the flesh range are where all the big pieces are (the one on the top left is cracks…the fabric for all the cracks; flesh 1 is actually the second from the left on the top row). I have all of the body picked out and sorted…now I just need to do the face and THEN, only THEN can I start ironing. That’s my goal for tonight. And when I actually start ironing, it will probably take me two hours just to do that, so I might need to budget my time carefully. (MIGHT?)

Today is not a free day. It has things poking into it that have to be done. I can be lackadaisical about school planning because I’ve taught this stuff for 12 years now and although I tweak stuff, I’m not starting from scratch. I do still have to deal with a bunch of college and tax stuff, though, and then there’s grocery shopping and the gym.

But I will finish ironing that damn body today if it kills me (it might).

The funny thing is that I’m not done picking all the bits INSIDE the body: the lungs, heart, weird tattoos, the uterus, all the details I stuff into the body shape…

Because they will be all different colors, so I just put them aside until the main figure is done. Because there isn’t room on the damn ironing board for all that right now anyway. All those pieces? They’re all waiting for me to finish ironing the body. The body has pieces from the 700s-1300s. I’m finally in the 1200 bin, searching for flesh pieces, but it was midnight last night and my brain was tired and I knew I would have to get up at a reasonable hour this morning and deal with piano recital. So I decided to embrace sleep for once.

But then I had to cover the ironing board so the cat couldn’t jump up on it. I’m super paranoid that she’s going to knock the whole thing down at the moment…

This is probably the biggest reason I want to get the flesh done today.

I don’t know what occupies YOUR brain when you are trying to wake up on a Saturday morning or go to sleep on a Friday night, but this is what mine does. I know you’re jealous.

I forgot to post this picture of my daughter’s Christmas stocking that I started before she was born (yes, she is now 16), just to keep documenting the Incredibly Slow Progress I’m making at my monthly stitching meeting.

Yup. That’s a lot of cream colored thread. I’m amazed by how slow this is. Maybe I should stitch the damn leaves first and then stitch around them with the cream? Fuck. I’ll think about it NEXT month.

More progress next post…fewer wobbles maybe. Or maybe the wobbles will be let out onto paper or into the sky. Need more of that. Certainly I will have finished the book where the once and future king with the crippled hand is in the dark hot room, waiting to kill his uncle…and then maybe I’ll know how my own story will go.

PCT Continued: Lake Morena to Kitchen Creek

I’m behind in documenting hikes…a couple of Saturdays back, I hiked the section of the Pacific Crest Trail from Lake Morena to Kitchen Creek, including a side trip to Kitchen Creek Falls. It was about 10.5 miles and took us approximately 5 hours with a couple of stops for lunch and exploring falls.

This hike was beautiful, roaming through a variety of landscapes, from oak-dotted meadows…

That seemed to stretch for miles…

Into the mountains on either side

There were wildflowers everywhere of all types…

Into more desert-like areas…

This section of the PCT is not particularly difficult…

The day was warmish in the beginning…I’m sure it’s a bit hellish in the summer.

We did climb through a few mountainous areas…

Again with the funky flowers…

An arch in the rocks…

And long trails like this…

My first official viewing of a California Horny Toad…

which are really lizards…and lots of yucca in bloom…fascinating plants.

Lots of long vistas with mountains rising in the distance, as we hiked across the valley…

This butterfly landed on the thistle just as I took the photo…

The rock structures in the area were strange at times…

And succulents nestled in rocky cracks

A long stretch of rocky ground…

I think turkey vultures were our only bird visitors…

We were a medium-sized group, about 16 hikers.

Apparently yucca flowers are edible…

They are also beautiful.

This is looking down at the valley from where we came…

We hiked towards Interstate 8, moving north on the trail.

The day was beautiful…and that bridge down there on the left in the middle? I think we go under it at some point.

This section of the trail is fairly well signposted. Here we had traveled 3.5 miles from Lake Morena.

Some signs are less official-looking…

Here’s that bridge from below…

Underneath the bridge, there was some graffiti…this looks like something my students would draw.

The other side was a bit more acceptable PCT graffiti…

We crossed what looked like a dry river bed on the other side…

And another sign showing 2 miles to our lunch spot at Boulder Oaks…

It was in the high 70s that day, maybe a little warmer…

At least at the beginning…

More oaks everywhere…

These trees are older than my parents, I think…

More green meadows…

Some trees had lost their will to stand upright…

I was really tired for this hike; I can only blame jet lag from traveling back to New York (and maybe staying up for 24 hours straight on Thursday).

We stopped at the campground to eat our official lunch.

There were cars parked here…and we saw a lot of runners on the next section of the trail. If you just wanted to go to Kitchen Creek Falls, you could leave from here (not sure of the mileage).

There are gates along the trail…

This section ran next to and then under Interstate 8…

We are finally north of the freeway, heading into the Lagunas…

There’s the 8 going east…

A rosy boa!

I’ve never seen one in the wild…

Manzanita tucked into a rock…

This section got more up into the mountains, but still wasn’t a difficult hike…

We were pretty stretched out here…I had wobbly legs for part of this.

And then the rain cloud started to wander in…

But looking towards the freeway looks more like summer.

Hey! It’s my old school…I used to teach out there…Mountain Empire High School (I actually taught at the middle school, which was on the high-school property and is now closed).

We lined up for a photo…

Here it is from below…

Again, that rain cloud is lurking…I think it dropped about 4 drops on us.

It looks ominous, though. We were trying to find the path off to Kitchen Creek Falls on this section…

We actually asked for directions and then headed down a hill…

A slightly steep hill…heading for that section in the middle…

The falls weren’t particularly large, but they were pretty…

A snail…Ken kept finding wildlife for me…

The rocks on the walls surrounding the falls had plants and lichen wedged in between them…

Water bugs…

Exploring the falls…

And some form of squishy freshwater algae (squishiness demonstrated)…

It was a lovely place to hang out for a bit…

Different flowers to what was up on the path…

It had been a while since we’d had rain, so the falls weren’t particularly wild…

But the rocks surrounding the falls area are certainly interesting.

Yes, they are perusing an actual paper map…

This little guy was watching us from up on the hillside…

More rocks and plants…the weather by now had cooled considerably…

Cactus blooming…Southern California is an interesting mix of plant life…

The water colors the rocks.

While some nap…

The light was interesting for the last section of the hike…I think the last section was only 2 miles, but it seemed to go on forever…not because it was boring, but because I was tired.

Somehow I ended up between the speedy hikers and the slow photograph-taking hikers…

It gave me a chance to quietly walk and take photos…note the lime-green lichens…

And to focus on some flowers

Way up in the distance, you can see the speedy hikers. They would occasionally stop and wait for me and make sure the last group was within sight or hearing range, and then they would set off again.

At some point on most hikes, you just want to get done.

Although this was still beautiful.

I had to stop to see the flowers more often…

See? They’re waiting for me again. My legs? Still tired. Couldn’t keep up with them.

There’s more of Kitchen Creek…

And finally! We came out to the end of the trail…this is the group behind me…

And the last group finally making it out.

We were dirty and tired, but it was a good hike. Good weather, beautiful landscape and flowers, not particularly difficult (as long as you’ve had enough sleep, I think). I’ve now done 21.5 miles of the PCT…only 2,628.5 miles to go! Or something like that. We did shuttle cars for this trip so we could hike through the whole section and not double back. The section we’re doing in a couple weeks will be north of this…and I think I’ve already done part of it over 10 years ago, right after the fires went through that area.

It’s Not the End of the World…

I have this way of dealing with life at the moment. I just divide it up into these blocks. There are the blocks that are mindless, things I have to do and can almost do in my sleep (strangely, school is one of these blocks). There are the blocks that are sleep; they’re short. There’s the blocks that are art…I try to fit one in a day. There’s exercise and meditation and a hike a week. There’s the grocery store. I divide each day up again. The block that gets me up and out the door for school. The block that deals with the time right after school. Blocks that aren’t already filled or designated, I make sure there’s a plan for those, because it’s the fucking down time that messes with me. There are some blocks I used to have that I don’t have any more. They’re the hardest to fill…and they need to be filled. It’s kind of ironic, because it’s not like I have time to add groups of new friends or activities, but I almost have to in order to make sure there’s no down time for the brain to sink lower. I need to keep it occupied.

That said, those of you who are parents (or just empathetic to parents) know that you can plan all you like, but life is gonna bitchslap you some days. Tuesday the girlchild had some things that looked like bug bites. She showed them to me, they were itchy, there were like three of them. Wednesday, there were more, but they were moving around and we talked about washing her sheets this weekend (except Tuesday night, she wasn’t at my house), still thinking bug bites. Thursday, they were somewhat worse, and I decided they were hives. We talked about stress (she is still making up work from her surgery AND AP tests start next week…good enough reasons to BE stressed, but she said she wasn’t). We talked about food and soap and lotion and all that good stuff. Nothing new. Apparently Thursday night (again at her dad’s) was bad, but eventually they went away and she went to sleep. When I texted her during the day on Friday and suggested the doctor, she said no way, it was fine, she was better. I got home Friday, she was not home yet, she slammed in the door about 15 minutes later yelling for me, lifted her shirt, and holy shit. Hives everywhere. Solid. Yeouch. I called the nurse, who asked 17 questions, then sent us to Urgent Care. Meanwhile, the kids have been watching way too much House (and I’ve already seen them all), so we were diagnosing her. (Lupus…no, not really). We took her in…you know it’s bad when the staff at Urgent Care gasp when they see it. Anyway, a couple of tests later and we still know nothing, but she has Benadryl in her and they’re prescribing an epi-pen. Sure enough, she was asleep (love Benadryl) by the time she got home, pretty much, and the hives were gone by midnight. Hopefully, whatever freakish thing that caused it is gone, out of her system. Impressive bumpiness, though.

So that was not a block of time that I had planned. It never is, when you’re a parent. I do think that most parents (the ones who pay attention) are much better at dealing with life because of shit like that. You have your afternoon/evening planned, and hives just fucks it all to hell and back. Seriously. It happens all the time, so often, that you always have a contingency plan. It’s how I survive. The back of my brain is always trying to budget time here or there to deal with bumps in the road like that. Like What Will You Do if the House Floods with Human Waste? And you already have a plan for that…and the zombie apocalypse…and random visitors.

So I dealt. Ordered dinner instead of cooking it. Did a little grading, but not a lot. Blew off the exercise in favor of meditation. Made it to bed at a reasonable hour because I knew I had a hike…a hike that might get moved due to weather issues. No problem. I can adapt. I just roll with it. I’m not always happy with the adjustment, but in the end, and I don’t know again if this is the depression or the meditative practices talking, I just need to go with the flow. It’s not the end of the world. There will be another day for ironing fabric. One day of missing exercise will not end my life. So we joked with the doctor about how she needed to send her staff over to check BOTH houses for mold and drugs, and girlchild was probably lying about sex or drugs, because they always do, and when would they start random medication? Yeah. We do watch too much House.

So no art last night. I did hike this morning…interesting story. I’m now three hikes behind on the blog! Aack! It’s OK, one is a repeat…the morning hike did not turn out to be strenuous enough to count for exercise, so I dragged the boychild and the two dogs (girlchild and ex are in Lancaster for National Cup, which no, she is not playing in…just supporting her team) out on a long, bitchy hike…

Because I’m nice like that. Jake on the left, Calli on the right. This is Mt. McGinty, take 2. I think I can do it by myself now. Maybe. More on that hike later. Whenever later is (did I mention grades are due on Tuesday and I’m not done with them? Whatever. They’ll get done. It’s not the end of the world.). The dogs were extremely tired by then and were apparently huddling together for support.

Then we came home and I managed the depressoid hour of grocery shopping (Saturday night just sucks bigtime. The only plus is that it’s quiet and there are no lines). Drove to Sonic for dinner, because there was no way I was cooking. Plus I am feeling down and out and overwhelmed by shit that I can’t control, so I have not been eating great the last few days. But I got time with the boychild, and he’s moving away to college in a few months, and he won’t call, text, or email when he’s gone, so I’m kinda saving these moments up with just him for later. For when he’s gone. Makes me sad to think of it, but he’s an adult now and this is what he needs to do. I’ll be OK. I’m not a child. I can handle him leaving. I’m just sad about it. It’s OK for me to be sad about things. It better be OK, because I feel it a lot. It’s OK to not be happy when things don’t feel happy. It’s not abnormal. It’s not broken.

OK, I AM broken, but not because I am sad. I am sad because I am broken. Or I am sad AND I am broken. Hard to say.

Then I graded for a while, trying to get all the loose ends tied up, or at least enough of them to make a difference. Or something. I still need to input everything, but I’ll deal with that. It’s not the end of the world.

I feel like I already survived the end of the world. Like three or four times. Godzilla wasn’t there. No one was. Just me.

So then I started ironing, awfully late. Later than I had originally planned for today, but today’s plans came apart at the seams at about 5:20 this morning, or maybe even last night, and so I just two-stepped it and dealt. I’m good at that.

I’m through the 400s…into the 500s. I could have started ironing the 500s, but didn’t feel like starting it. Depressing subject matter. Couldn’t look at it. Need some distance from it. Maybe tomorrow night. I just ironed all the leftover bits from the body…the heart and the nipples and the eyeballs and the hair and the eye she’s holding onto, or is she trying to catch it? Who knows.

Tomorrow is gym and a meeting and chaos and grading and exercise and meditation and maybe ironing. Hopefully ironing. A little bit of progress a day makes it better…

It does. This is the pile of fabrics used so far…I’m not even a third of the way through, so there will be lots more.

There is a lot on my plate at the moment. I’m trying to divide it up into doable chunks, things I can handle. There are a couple of things I can’t deal with at all. So I’m not. It’s not the most mature way of living my life, but it’s what I can do at the moment. Really, there should be times in your life when everything is smooth sailing and then times when you are challenged to even get through the next 10 minutes, but that challenge…that’s probably what makes you who you are. Not how you deal when it’s easy…but how you deal when there’s too much and you have no help and stupidity reigns around you. That’s when it’s important. And if you’re a selfish asshole when that’s going on, then you suck. I’d like to believe karma will kick your ass, but I have no evidence of that.

So yeah. I’m ironing. I’m making art. What more do you need to know.

Hello Cornell…

Last week, the boychild and I visited Cornell University so he could make a decision about college for next year. He had said all along that he didn’t need to visit a college to decide, but hey, when reality is staring you in the face and it’s a few thousand miles away, then apparently you change your mind.

So I scheduled a last-minute trip during his (and my) Spring Break and their Cornell Days. I watched the weather and was a little freaked out about snow being forecast, especially since we were flying into Syracuse and driving to Ithaca (cheaper). We got into Syracuse (and Ithaca) pretty late. Luckily, I’ve realized that all college towns in the East have the same pizza place that delivers (yes, even to hotel rooms) late at night.

The next day, we ventured out into the rain to the registration area and a class and an info session and lunch and the bookstore, but it was nasty wet rain (I actually bought an umbrella, it was so bad…I know. I’m from Southern California and my old umbrella had BROKEN way back in January or February and I hadn’t replaced it because I DIDN’T NEED TO. I realize my entitlement). I took zero pictures during the rain, mostly because it was so wet and then it got cold, dropping about 40 degrees from the morning to the late afternoon. So ALL of these are from the next day. Well, except this lovely photo, taken from the (crappy) hotel room window when I realized it was SNOWING. Yes, I don’t get out much.

It’s not even sticking at that point. We actually went out in that to find a local brewpub for dinner.

The boychild doesn’t like to write his name…in fact, I have no problems posting this online, because you can’t even read it (OK, not really).

He did wear this, but under his jacket. OK, wait, I lied. I did take pictures at Buttermilk Falls State Park, where we went before dinner, just to get a walk in. It was bloody freezing and snowing and absolutely different from what he’s used to here at home, and gorgeous.

I’m not sure you can argue with any of that. Certainly, visits to see him at college will be fun. Although I might avoid some of the snowier months.

To many of my readers, this style of house and yard is probably very familiar, but San Diego doesn’t do it this way.

The next morning, we headed back out to campus to wander around in NON-rainy weather. This I believe is one of the cooperative houses on campus…there were a few of them. At this point, there were some brief snow flurries, but mostly it was just a pretty (and bloody freezing) day. I managed to keep my nose from freezing off my face, but only barely.

Boychild acknowledged that he might need gloves and better shoes for next year. He wore short sleeves the entire time we were there, but the jacket I bought him for Christmas was entirely the right move.

There’s a lake on campus (it’s not very big, but it’s cute) and a bridge going over the river that exits the lake…

The falls were very impressive in the morning…

He was kind of amazed by the color of the water and the walls of the ravine on each side.

I was kind of amazed by the ice…

And the tree icicles.

Towards the bridge we walked over in the rain yesterday.

I know. Not much snow.

This time, we just wandered around to get a feel for the place when water wasn’t sluicing into your eyes.

He likes it. He says it’s pretty.

And it has its own art museum.

Lots of old buildings that remind me of going to school in Wales.

With Spring just around the corner.

We ate in there the day before…the bathrooms looked like something out of Hogwart’s, and there was a library with lots of soft chairs and tables, a really old library, that I was too lame to take pictures of…

Part of the student housing is down this big hill…so I made him walk down it…

Looking back up at the main campus…

So he could then experience walking back UP that hill. Definitely a good exercise option if you have to do that a few times a day.

The weather stayed nice (but still freezing!) the whole time we walked around.

When we were done exploring (he had decided…he needed no more exploring), we headed off for Syracuse…driving the Bob Nida (my dad) way: If there is a two-line road running parallel to the main highway, then you should be on it, because it is more interesting than the main highway.

Plus, it has more cemeteries (I warned the boy that I like these…he has experienced my cemetery habit before)…

And the trees and blue skies with the snow made it quite lovely…

Meanwhile, back in San Diego, it was SO HOT (per the girlchild)…

It was in the 80s.

Certainly a temperature difference.

We had some time when we got to Syracuse, so we went to a local lake…

Where fish were dropping from the sky…

And geese were squawking…

and trees were falling in the lake…

More icicles (things I NEVER see).

Anyway, the goal was to help him decide and it worked, and now I know where he’ll be for probably the next 4 years, so that helps me be less freaked out by it. Besides, I figure he’ll WANT to come back to Southern California after 4 years of freezing his butt off…and it gives me a good excuse to go out there and hike some new trails.

Agua Caliente and the PCT

Saturday found me on a portion of the Pacific Crest Trail with some of my regular hiking buddies…

The weather was pretty much perfect, in the low 70s with a cool breeze…we’ll be dreaming of that in a month or so.

The plan was to hike on the Pacific Crest Trail for about 4 or 5 miles, and then to follow the stream up as far as we could.

The hike starts out in a pretty valley with lots of oaks and wildflowers…we even briefly saw a deer hiding in the brush.

We crossed the stream multiple times…there was enough water for it to be pretty and make noise, but not so much that crossings were difficult.

I’m writing these words without being able to see the photos…probably not the best plan, but I’m sitting in the Minneapolis airport waiting for our flight…I preloaded the pictures into the post, but the preview function is being funky, so I have no idea which picture is which. Annoying.

This was a fast hike with not a lot of elevation gain.

We saw some PCT through-hikers, including two women in their 60s.

We also saw a bunch of Boy Scouts who were doing training hikes, with one group camping out.

After walking through the valley for a bit, we started to climb a bit.

You can see the valley for miles as you climb into the hills.

I finally gave up on writing this until WordPress updated the app last night, so now I’m writing in the Syracuse Airport. We were about 11 people, a good size for this type of hike.

There were lots of wildflowers among the chapparal.

Lots of Yucca about to get serious about blooming.

The mountains we were hiking towards…

More mountains…

And a look back at the valley…

Ah ha! There’s the stream…must be Spring in California…there’s water.

And more wildflowers…

This tree was persistently growing out of that rock.

There were plenty of oaks everywhere…

In oasis-like environments where you could imagine setting up a campsite for a while…

Or perhaps, like the Native Americans, grinding some acorns into flour in a mortero.

At about the 5-mile mark, we went off the PCT to follow the stream. This required some minor bushwhacking, which might have been an issue if what we had seen by the stream had been poison oak. We didn’t think it was, and it’s been a few days since I got slapped in the face by one of the questionable plants, and I am still rash-free, so I think we did OK.

We kept seeing more flowers…

And some significantly large manzanitas with their gorgeous red bark…

More flowers…

And more manzanita…

At this point, we divided into two groups, one that went further up the stream and one that went back to a beach area. Unfortunately, one of my group (the continuing bushwhackers) put her hand on a plant with tiny needles that got stuck and caused some swelling. Luckily, old people (like me) travel with a wide variety of drugs and equipment. Here she is being operated on with my tweezers, and later she got ibuprofen and Benadryl for the swelling. We recommended medicating with wine and a soak when she got home.

We stopped here for lunch, perched on rocks around the stream…

Enjoying it rushing around us…

Sitting in the sun or shade, it was restful to listen to the water rushing by…

I know the picture below is one of the frogs who joined us for lunch.

More beautiful stream…

There’s where the Boy Scouts camped out…

And here we are heading back…

There were many varieties of cactus…

And no, I don’t think it was cactus that injured her…there were nettles too, and these were super fine and caused swelling.

The wildflowers were plentiful down in the valley.

The meadow with the grasses rustling in the wind…it was amazing watching each plant shift position in unison with the others as the wind blew through.

Another flower-strewn meadow…

The official PCT trail sign…

And a big old dead tree.

We did probably 11 miles…this trail isn’t difficult. It is an out-and-back trail, so you will have to hike back however far out you go…I don’t find that to be a hardship because I think it looks different as the light changes during the day. This would be easy to do with kids, especially with the water crossings, although summer may reduce water flow and heat will make it more difficult.

3 Sisters Waterfall

Last Saturday’s hike was an interesting little trip down to 3 Sisters Waterfall(s), out near Descanso. We met at a couple different park and ride locations to carpool, because parking is difficult and it’s a long trip out there with some parts of it on a dirt road. Despite all that, there was a huge group signed up for this…seems it’s something to cross off some list. Thanks to a couple of people for group photos.

The parking is all on a road that is barely wide enough for two cars and goes around a tight curve. We were amazed by how many cars were already there.

This is the entrance to the “unofficial” trail, with warnings about heat killing and no cell service once you’re out there (true that). It doesn’t look so bad from here.

Hiking with this many people on a flat trail is a little strange, but honestly, when we got to the hilly section, it wasn’t a big deal. And surprisingly, we all made it back out.

The weather was nice…started out not too cold, not too warm.

Lots of those big California oaks…

And hills and blue sky on either side.

Rolling hill vistas…

There were lots of people taking photos…

And then we started down into that space over there on the right, where the falls are located…

That part was pretty easy…until we had to come back up it at the end. But it was a relatively mellow downhill into this nice green area, obviously being fed by water.

Hiking through the overhanging trees seems really nice…

Until you realize what’s surrounding you…like everywhere…reaching out to grab you…yes that’s poison oak.

We came by one young couple and their dog was standing right in the middle of it. Um. Excuse me. Your dog? Don’t touch it until you wash it well, and maybe not even then. I suspect a lot of the less-experienced hikers on the trail (not in our group) are currently nursing pretty bad-ass poison-oak rashes from that hike, based on the lack of protective clothing and protective behavior that we saw. It was nice and green, though…

And then we got our first view of the falls…

Realizing then that those little dots on the slope careening before us were the first part of our group (I was in the middle at that point). Oh. Hmm. OK. Downhill. When I hike, I am always aware of the fact that if it’s not a loop, I have to go up whatever I went down. Although sometimes down is harder.

Here’s the view on the way down. It didn’t seem too bad at this point, although this is my going AROUND the ropes section (I did go UP the ropes on the way back).

And in this one, you can see the line of people above. We were a really LONG line of people today.

This is the second rope section…again, I found an easier way down, but went up it on the way back.

After a brief rest (trying to get most of our group together) at the bottom of that slope, we started the next part of the hike, rock scrambling. There wasn’t always a clear path up the stream, so you’d often have to stop and go back the way you came, looking for something more doable, whether it was getting over the rocks or getting past the poison oak. Both were an issue.

I wore gloves for this part. Saved my hands. But path? For instance, see the arrow? Good…path. See all the greenery? All of that is poison oak.

Our whole group found about 5 trails going up this section. It was very pretty though.

The mountains were towering above us on both sides. Mountain goat territory.

This is looking up towards where the waterfalls are.

And then we were there. Along with 30 million other people. Seriously, I don’t know where half of them came from, but many of them were high-school or college-aged, and they were sliding (bump bump BUMP) down that rock on the right into the kinda shallow pool below. We were sure on a regular basis that people must have to be life-flighted out of there.

There’s no cell coverage though, so you’d have to hike back out first just to call life flight.

It was a Darwinism moment. There’s the lower pool. The rock just drops off and they fall a couple of feet into the pool. Mom brain is worried about these boys (and a few girls) hitting the back of their heads on the way down.

Despite all that, we enjoyed the day and the view. Sat in the shade for a bit to cool down…

Ate some food, and then sat out in the sun because it felt good.

This is looking up toward the upper portion of the falls. I did not climb up to the upper section because I could clearly see people having a hard time coming back and I didn’t feel like doing it.

See? Thirty million people. OK, not really, but here in San Diego, we joke about the number of people on Cowles and Iron mountains, weekend hikers who mess up the trails and won’t follow trail rules (damn, that sounds elitist, but seriously? Don’t hog the trail and get off the slope.)…this kinda was like that except mostly people were polite and helpful as they tromped around you with hardly any clothes on, right through the poison oak.

We’re all spread out on this boulder to rest. The key was to find a butt-shaped impression in the boulder. Notice my socks pulled up to protect me from the poison oak.

I rarely have the right clothes for these hikes. But I still don’t have a rash and it’s been almost a week! So I did it! (thanks to Maritie for that photo and some of the group photos)

Here’s the falls from another view. No, they weren’t sliding down THAT rock (although I kept waiting to see one of them try it).

And a view of the people up top.

This guy was doing yoga poses on a rock in the bigger pool.

No, I don’t know why, but it was amusing to watch. You can see the landscape next to the waterfall and see people going up and down the slope.

There was a lot of people-watching going on. We stayed at the falls for about 45 minutes and ate lunch and enjoyed the view. Then realized THAT below, that trail, was what we had come DOWN…

And if you zoom in, you can see the little people climbing back UP it.

And those little people would be us in a bit.

So we slowly gathered ourselves together and headed back out…past the rushing water…

Back through the pretty poison valley…

Looking back the way we came…

There were lots of wildflowers, but my camera still sucks at taking pictures of those, so this is all you get…

On the way back, I went up this lower rope portion (that’s actually me at the top, post-ropes; the guy behind me is coming up the rope section). You needed the gloves for pulling yourself up and along on a lot of this hike.

I used the ropes there because I remembered the dirt going down as being really loose and I didn’t want to try to go up that. But then I went up this…

Which mostly was easier because you were just pulling yourself up the rocks…until you get to the second ropes portion…

Which stretches from where I’m standing past the first woman to the second woman, who is still climbing at the very top. That was a bit of a challenge. No matter how much upper-body weightlifting I do, I’m not super strong in the arms, so there was a time when I thought…crap. Rest? Can’t. There’s someone coming up behind me. Interestingly, my arms and shoulders didn’t hurt the next day; my quads did, and my right way worse than the left. I didn’t stop hurting until Wednesday. So definitely somewhat strenuous. I think it was the rock scrambling that did that…being short and having to pull yourself up with your legs is hard on the quads, and apparently I often start with my right leg.

The way back was hot hot hot (a few had heat stroke, at least a mild version of it) and long and climbing, but we took it slowly and drank and ate as needed…

And eventually made it back to the cars. The trail was about 4.4 miles (although quite a bit of that was straight up or down, it seemed). It took us about an hour and half each way, maybe a little longer on the way back. I wouldn’t hike this alone…there was a lot of helping people up and down slopes and ropes and up and over rocks. The group was really amazingly good with that. I will say that if it had been any hotter, there would have been a lot more casualties…I think it was in the high 70s, low 80s that day, and it was definitely noticeable and made the trip back more difficult.

There were younger kids out there, and there’s a couple things to be said about that…sometimes kids are way better at scrambling up and down than us old people, but they also would be more prone to running right through the poison oak, so it’s kind of a crapshoot as to whether you would take them or not…I would think a healthy, fit 10-year-old would be OK (with plenty of water and food), but only if you go over the poison oak stuff before you go and make sure they’re covered as much as possible. The dogs were an issue…they mostly could handle the hike (but you better take lots of water for them, even with the falls at the end), but they don’t know to stay out of the poison oak, and the oil carries on their fur, even if they don’t get the rash…you will, as soon as they brush up against you. Plus we saw some dog owners taking their little dogs out there, up that crazy slope to the upper falls, and one of the dogs on the way down looks at the path down, stops, and then looks at her mom, like “WTF? I’m not going down that.” And then mom picked her up and carried her, which is really dangerous on a slope like that, not to have both hands ready to catch yourself.

So a lot of crazy people out there, unprepared and sometimes annoying, but it was a cool hike and destination, so now I can cross it off the list. I did actually enjoy it, even the crazy parts, so I guess technically I’m one of the crazies. And I took a nap when I got home, thus proving that I am officially an old person.