Push That, Push That, Push That to the Floor*

Well it seems like my summer break isn’t starting until July. I picked up a copyediting job…with a rush on it. Good news? Money. Pay college. Honestly, try to pay for the summer too. Bad news? Well, now it’s gotta get shoved into the two weeks after school gets out, which already has three quilts that need quilting for the art show I’m helping curate, plus jury duty, plus I’m sure I don’t even remember all the other shit I’m supposed to be doing. Finishing up for the solo show and delivering all that (need to work on one part of that tonight…maybe see if I can get all the paperwork done). Plus I wanted to make a coloring book for that show of my drawings. Hoping to still be able to pull that off.

Unfortunately, my assistants either roll over to have their bellies rubbed or roll their eyes at me.

Where are the post-it notes. I need to write things on them. Somehow that helps. Chipping away at the crazy to-do list a little at a time. FIVE days of school left. All the awards are at the printer. Grades are closer to done (not done though). My classroom is a disaster. My house is a disaster. I took 5 minutes and gathered shit to be tossed off the kitchen counter. And then I tossed it. Well. I recycled it, because I try to be environmentally responsible.

I do try to leave the house for something besides my job sometimes. This is my stitching group…since I was pregnant with the girlchild, who turns 20 in August (really. Holy Moly). My friend Julie has been working on this uterus pattern from Knot by Gran’ma for me…we both bought the pattern, but it turns out there is no way in hell I would be able to make this…I’m just not talented (or experienced) enough. Luckily Julie likes to do weird shit like this for me. (I have a zombie fairy doll and a Frida Kahlo fairy doll from her.) So last night was the finishing touch…here’s a side view as we tried to decide how to photograph her.

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On the ledge behind the chairs at the Starbucks inside the Mira Mesa Barnes & Noble…in case you want to replicate this look. I LOVE IT. Seriously. Love.

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Almost as much as I love the uterus I built. And the girlchild around it. (Yes, I should dust…I didn’t realize until I saw this photo).

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Freakin’ awesome pattern and hard work by Julie (she had to say her personal mantra many times in constructing this). Much appreciated.

Then I did the blue-green cretan stitch on the far left. I still need to fill in some, but wanted to spread out as well.

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I should remember to take a shot of the full piece of fabric so you can see that I will probably run out of room by December.

I worked on this at the meeting. That’s trellis stitch in a psychotic rayon thread…it’s fussy shit man. I love that in two hours, all I really got done where knotted Italian stitches on the tree and the whipped stitch outline on it. Time-consuming shit.

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Speaking of time-consuming shit, I did start tracing Wonder Under on the climate piece. I did all of it until I got to the fussy tree trunk. Then I went to bed.

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Like an hour late. I really need to have more sleep, but I was incredibly stressed by the increasing to-do list and couldn’t fall asleep anyway, so whoo! Yeah! It’s Friday! And I’m currently teaching sexually transmitted diseases! Yah!

My lord. The plus is that the teeth are no longer grinding (no, I don’t really know why), but both eyes are starting to twitch. I’m going to get a better night of sleep tonight. Really. I am. And then finish EVERYTHING. I’m going to finish it all. Yup. I am. Just don’t fucking bug me while I’m trying to do that, OK?

Oh yeah, I forgot. I was desperate for something cookie-like last night and we had a box mix of gingerbread that said you could do this that or the other and make cookies out of it. It wanted me to roll them out and use cookie cutters (who the fuck do you think I am? Is it fucking Christmas?)…well so I made hockey pucks.

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They taste about as good as they look. Sigh. Left them for the boychild.

*REM, Radio Free Europe

Ready for Me

You know when you’re stressed out and there are things you know will help with like the grinding of the teeth and the flopping around in bed? Obviously exercise is the most healthy of those, but it takes time and often daylight or driving somewhere that you might have a membership for sweating in public. Then there’s the less healthy comfort-food eating (I’ve avoided that so far), the donuts or the cookies or whatever floats your boat. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll follow closely after (well, music anyways, since who knows which will make you happier, and for teachers, alcohol is probably the drug of choice). For me there’s art as well…drawing or sewing or cutting or whatever. Embroidery also…the meditative motion of needle in and out and thread pulling through just as you had planned it. I manage a little bit of that almost every night. Art has been harder for the last two weeks…just too much work and art management (ugh, that horrible thing) going on. It’s getting in the way of my destressing dammit.

I’m getting there though. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, even if the tunnel is days away. Meanwhile, in the middle of all that, I’m bidding on copyediting jobs for the summer, trying to make sure the paycheck continues. That’s a whole ‘nother stressball.

Here’s an anti-stressball.

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Of course, she’s lying on the gradebook. Not helpful. It’s OK…I did about 3 hours of grading last night and managed to get a chunk done. Not enough, but some.

I did two spiderwebs in a blue/brown that I swear looks like another thread I already used…on the right side in the middle sort of.

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Then I numbered…I told myself I would do the piece that had the lowest number of pieces…this is the climate one and she’s only got 398 pieces, compared to the 700+ piece drawing of a few nights ago.

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And that’s including this crazy mess. I thought about trying to find the overlaps and continue the pieces, but realized the headache and the problems with stitching through all those layers…so they’re all numbered.

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The next one, Desert Daughter, came in at 542 pieces…which surprised me.

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It seemed simpler than the other two…but apparently 25 pieces just for a scorpion adds up.

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That’s not a flower…it’s a succulent. Lots of green stuff in this one.

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So I guess the climate one wins. Of course, when I look at my schedule for the next…well…week? I don’t know when I’ll have time to work on it. But at least I know it’s ready for me.

I Know You Better Than You Fake It*

Good morning. Here in East County, it is a little cloudy, maybe even foggy in places. My house is quiet, sans boychild and dogs. It’s OK for it to be quiet sometimes honestly. The cats are wandering around, rubbing up against my legs. I’m not very awake. Sleep was troubled…a vomiting cat (I’d already washed the bed cover once…she’s on a roll in the last 24 hours), some wacky stress. I managed to finish one part of the solo show, but two more parts are left. Someone needs to do the dishes. And I need to grade stuff. Yesterday was the last tutorial of the year (oh hallelujah). I finished the academic awards and sent them off to the printer. There’s still a few awards left…I need to check one batch of those today…another will final tomorrow morning.

Meanwhile, 27 boxes of science materials that have to be parceled out to all three grades just showed up in our prep room. And it all has to be put away, locked up even, before next Friday. Ah shit.

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I think another 8 boxes came after this. We’re gonna have our homerooms help unpack. We hope. Well. Maybe not MY homeroom. The last two weeks of school are just a little more stress than I need. I think I need another walk.

And yeah. There’s that. I do usually roll on the side of too many fucks given. I have four assignments left to grade, plus some stuff to input that’s literally just check off that they did it or not. The last assignments to be graded come in Friday, so the weekend is kinda shot I think. I’m not totally panicking yet. Maybe I should be?

One thread on here…let’s see if I can remember where. Oh yeah! There was some blank space on the left side where the L of Live is…I filled it with chain stitches in a purple color.

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And then because I was hanging out and watching Fear of the Walking Dead (man there’s some plot holes and bad writing in that show), I worked on these guys.

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These are blocks 9 and 10 in Sue Spargo’s Folk Tails. I also have block 25 in with this pile. Looking at the quilt, it seems so overwhelming with all the stitching detail, but it’s not so bad one block at a time. I did the grass in Ohio and then I’ve been couching them since then…at my art meeting on Sunday (I have a really hard time just sitting and listening at meetings…I need something for my hands to do), and then last night I finished the couching and did the bullion knots for the flowers. Thems some cute hippos. I really like working on these. They’re very meditative. I don’t have to think very hard to make. I just read the instructions.

Yeah, kind of the opposite of what I do on my own, which are still meditative in their own right. I didn’t have any time after working on the solo show photos last night to go number another quilt. I made the managerial decision to go to bed 30 minutes earlier than I usually do. Except it didn’t help. Oh well. I’m managing. I’ll survive. There’s tonight (gotta grade tonight…and finish a statement and a resume).

Thinking about the summer though. I want to finish the Bird Crazy quilt, put it together and do the borders. I need to do these three quilts for the FIG show…but that’s just sandwiching, quilting, and putting together. Remind me not to hand sew those bindings. I want to make some big and impressive quilts. I need to deal with some deep cleaning in the house and garage. I need to find a way to make some money over the summer (bidding on another copyediting job this afternoon). That’s not a small to-do list. It never is.

I also need to find time to just sit outside and draw. And time to go outside and hike. And time to just sit and read. Hang with my kids when they’re still around. Let the brain come back.

*The Smashing Pumpkins, 1979

Well Every Day My Confusion Grows*

Yesterday, after working all day, racing around to try to fix stuff (one of my banks shut down all my accounts last week after some unknown problem with security…unfortunately one account is the one my paycheck deposits into) and mail important stuff and pick up quilts and photos, I was on my way home, negotiating stupid end-of-day traffic, and the need to get OUTSIDE and walk hit me upside the head. Hard. One dog still can’t go out and walk, but the other one, the little one, he needs it. Hell, I need it too. So we walked…

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It was good. We went further out than usual and found this weird pipe and bridge…

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They REALLY didn’t want us to go over this.

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Came back and ate and graded stuff and got really frustrated by the kids who didn’t complete the simplest assignments. Aargh.

Sat on the couch and stitched a bit with these guys…

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I did a blue/green lazy daisy above the orange flowers to the right of the hand. I seem to have run out of creativity…keep using the same stitches over and over. Seems like there’s no more stitches.

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Very philosophical that. I was fighting off a panic attack of sorts…too much to do, getting irritated by the cat’s tail on the keyboard, annoyed by people and all their crazy shit, putting together a crazy to-do list that keeps me at this heightened state of teeth grinding for at least another week.

Not a good place to be. Manage the shit…best I can. Grades are priority at the moment, but so is my sanity. I’m describing it as a very “intense” part of the school year. True that.

So I eventually managed to get off the couch and start numbering these. Because that’s gonna be part of the decision-making process…how bad are they? I did the 4-square of women first. It’s one of my favorites and will definitely be a quilt some day.

Although maybe not soon, because that sucker has over 700 pieces. And most of them are small.

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But it would be fun to do…

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Except all the women overlap, so I’d either need a huge run or two separate runs. Definitely doable…

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I feel like I should work on something easier…something quicker…to start.

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I don’t know why I feel that. Maybe it’s the tension I’m still carrying after a 3-mile hike and a crazy stressful day. Eight days. I swear I can do eight days. I’m just not sure I can finish all the other crap people want me to get done in those eight days. Plus I got my rescheduled jury duty crap, which just annoys me. I’m trying to bid on copyediting jobs and I don’t even know if I’ll have time to do them. Frustrating as hell.

OK. Well. Deep breaths. Meditative positive thinking (well survival thinking anyway, which in my eyes is positive. I WILL survive. And get mostly everything done.).

*New Order, Bizarre Love Triangle

Words Are Very Unnecessary*

It’s Monday. You know how we all feel about Monday. Except there’s some anticipation here…only two more Mondays of school this year. Now that’s stressful because of awards and grades and cleaning the classroom…but in general, it’s a good thing. People keep asking me what I’m doing this summer. I really don’t know. I mean, I need a copyediting job or 17…and I’ll surely make quilts. Plus the boychild claims we’re cleaning the garage. Frightening! I have some quilts I need to do for an art group I’m in…the first of 3 came home with me yesterday, but it’s big enough that it will have to be 2 different pieces for quilting. So it’s not like I have nothing to do. I have too much to do, as always.

I spent some time looking at art and listening to music at Art Around Adams this weekend. We walked the whole 2 miles again, even though we said we wouldn’t after doing it last year. We stopped twice for refreshments this time. I think that helped.

We saw some cool ceramics at Clay Associates…

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Made me remember how much I loved to have my hands in clay.

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Love the spiderwebs on this guy (he’s been hanging up there a while I guess)…

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I always love work by Peter Geise.

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He has such an interesting way of looking at things…

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This one had quite a few wonderful word combinations…couldn’t decide whether they were band names, quilt names, or the names of future children…Chinchilla Forcefield Mishap seemed particularly good for that one.

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I didn’t get the name of this artist, but I know my friend Julie will have it, because she bought one of the smaller pieces.

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Ah those eyes…this is one of the painted city boxes.

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It was nice to get outside and relax a bit (I didn’t…I was grinding my teeth most of the way, still stressed by school etc.). Sigh. Getting there.

I’ve been doing this every night (or doing three nights in one, like I did Saturday, while watching The Handmaid’s Tale)…

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Is it halfway done yet? I’ve noticed a huge dropoff in people posting pictures of their pieces.

Puppy love.

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I’m rambling. My brain.

I’m in this show with three pieces, I think. I’ll be at the opening Sunday from 1-3 PM.

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I graded, of course. Then I made the huge time commitment (not) to tape these together…still trying to decide which one to work on first. This one still has tiny pieces, even though I enlarged it 300%…

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I ran off the paper on this one…

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So I added a little piece at the top to do the meteor and then added some on the right so the nuclear power towers could be completed.

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It looked weird otherwise. It was bugging me. I leave things for a bit sometimes, hoping it will stop bugging me…but then it doesn’t stop. That’s a sign I should do something to it.

Here’s the third, another in the Earth Daughter series, I guess. I didn’t originally consider a series, but here it is.

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People tell me to do all three, but I do actually have stuff I need to do as well…I just can’t deal with those AND with the end of school…so I need a transition piece. That’s all. Time and space to create without all those other pressures. So I’m trying to give myself that…because after the drawing, the rest of the quiltmaking process is pretty easy. It can take time, but the creative input is easier. So there we are. Decisions later…tonight probably.

*Depeche Mode, Enjoy the Silence

I Never Did Anything Out of the Blue*

Fuzz brain. Ten-hour days at school don’t help. I’m just trying to give my body a little more sleep than normal. I know a lot of people are getting sick, so I’m trying to keep myself healthy. Making art helps with that, but art brain seems to have wandered off…or she’s still asleep. I pulled out all the art entry information last night, made a list of what was coming up in the next 9 months that I had an interest in, started looking at requirements, sizes, due dates, whether I already had a drawing that would work…one that I actually wanted to make into a quilt. I even considered just picking a smaller drawing and starting to make a quilt, even if it wasn’t going to fit a specific place in the to-do list…just to get me working and jump-started.

I’m still considering that. I have three drawings marked. I need to get them enlarged though. I might do that tonight. Maybe.

I have 5 quilts that need better photography for the solo show, so last night, the boychild and I went through the crazy pile of quilts on the girlchild’s bed (yes…she’s coming home in July. I will have a solution by then.) and found all of them. Well, one was on the wall above my bed, where it’s been for years. But otherwise, all in the pile. I ironed all of them and cleaned them up, ready for the photographer tomorrow…

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I think they’ve all been in shows somewhere before…but it was interesting to look at this older quilt and see how I was using color and fewer fabrics back then…and BEADS. Yeah. I love me some beads.

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I don’t use them much any more though.

I did some blue/brown variegated cross and herringbone variations on the right side between the light fly stitches, near the red flowers. I wanted to fill in some space.

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And then I sat there and looked through the sketchbooks. I knew I had some gun-related stuff in there that never became anything. Looking at the feet and the hands in here, I can see why I didn’t go anywhere with it.

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Plus, honestly, just drawing a gun is scary for me. I wasn’t raised around people who shot guns. I don’t like them. I don’t even like fake ones. They just scream out danger and death and pain to me.

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So I’m going to have to figure that out if I want to pursue that imagery. Mostly I sat and stared at a blank piece of paper while art brain curled up in a ball.

So I suspect I’ll have to jump start it with something else, something easy and light? Well. I don’t necessarily roll that way either. I have a couple of ideas. We’ll see. Or maybe I’ll come home tonight and the drawing will roll right out of me, right? It could happen.

*David Bowie, Ashes to Ashes

Don’t You Shiver*

I’m apparently still in recovery mode. Yesterday was long and exhausting, and my body responded with a few dizzy spells. I think it’s because of the diabetes…not knowing when I should be eating (my body…not me…I know when to eat…I’m back on California time…I just think my body is somewhere in Texas or something). I taught all day yesterday and did tutorial, and then went to the vet to pick up the dog. I wish they’d say what time she was ready, so we didn’t have to sit around there for an hour (ugh) waiting for her to be released. She had a fox tail that was causing abscesses in her foot, and finally we had to go surgical to clean everything out. The fox tails are nasty here this year because of all the rain…so she’s wearing a sock at the moment (not sure how long that will last…) and looking somewhat miserable.

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The cone isn’t helping. She has a new one now…hopefully she’ll be less capable of folding it out of the way to nibble on her wounds.

When I took the dogs out to pee (when I finally got home), there was a weird plopping noise in the pool. So I finished up with them and went back outside and there was this guy clinging to the side of the tile…

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I helped him out and he did that weird running lizard dance to the nearest bush. I’ve never seen one that color before. I was debating whether it was normal for his species or not. Looking at the California herps list…I’m not sure. I didn’t get a great picture of him, but he was really pale gray and white and spiky around the head…anyway, he’s in the yard now, doing his lizard dance.

I spent a bunch of time last night putting together stuff for the solo show. I need to take about 5 quilts to the photographer this weekend…then I’m done. I think.

So I came out to stitch for a while…too stressed to manage anything else. Both these guys were all over me, so I petted them and scratched them and combed them.

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I did three nights’ worth on the stitch a day (how did I get behind?)…some blues and browny greens and another green purple…honestly, I was just filling in spaces with straight stitches and French knots and fly stitches…all around the lower part of the hand and above the tree. Bullion knots as well, I think.

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I forgot to post this last week…this is what’s done on Sue Spargo’s Folk Tails, my hobby stitching. There are 6 blocks done…the block attached to the funny-shaped tree is not done yet. I think it’s part of the next month. I’m not exactly doing stuff in order apparently.

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I did do some of the next month while I was traveling, but not much, honestly. I was too tired last night to do anything else. I brought the sketchbook to the couch with me, but gave up to exhaustion. Today won’t be better…we have a World Cultures Fair at school until 6 PM. I’m hoping I’m still functional by then, but I don’t have much hope for getting a lot done tonight.

I think I need a week to sleep off the jetlag. Ask me when grades are due. Plus I have all the photos from Quilt National and from the other show…need to deal with all that stuff too. This is teacher survival mode even without all that! I’m laughing. Seriously. It’s all you can do at some point.

I am starting the pregnancy video today. What I really want to do is sit in my chair and stitch while the kids watch and take notes. I will not be doing that. My grading will be screaming at me instead. No rest for the public-school teacher (until June 16).

*Coldplay, Shiver

I Did What I Could

It’s really early in the morning…it’s even earlier in California. Some Saturday nights, I would still be awake, for whatever reasons. On school nights, I try to pretend I am not as nocturnal as I really am. We’re leaving Athens, Ohio, and Quilt National. As usual, I feel like I should have seen the exhibit one last time, taken more pictures, something. But that was it. I did what I could.

Now we just hope we can make it home easily. Thunderstorms are all over the place…it’s peaceful right now, but it’s not supposed to stay that way.

Yesterday afternoon, we had quiet time. I sat and stitched and then drew. Trying to recharge my brain. I graded nothing. No surprise there. I’ll scramble this week. It’ll happen.

Drawing 1, while a thunderstorm passed over…

Some Sue Spargo, for it’s calming effect…

I managed all three days on this piece, all around the hand…fly and cross stitches…

And drawing 2…

I think I miss pizza.

Quilt National was very abstract this year, lots of channel quilting, very tight and perfect. I joke that I can’t quilt that perfect (it’s true), so that’s why I make the quilts I make. Some of the abstract was loose and free or big and open or detailed and complex. And sometimes talking to the artist made you feel something more about the piece then you did when you first saw it.

I missed seeing Pamela Allen and Paula Kovarik this time…I was here in 2013 with both, but never found a chance to talk to Pamela. They both had work in again this year. I really loved making it to the opening this time though! Even though I missed a San Diego opening, I think the interactions between artists are truly amazing here: people I’ve followed for ages and finally got to talk to in person. That’s the value in coming out.

Well I started writing this at 5 AM in Athens. Then we drove to Columbus and that’s where I’m sitting now, waiting for my plane. Hoping for trouble-free travel. Looking forward to my own bed and normal water pressure in the shower and a non-sticky floor…plus hopefully some mental space to process what I saw and heard.

Hello Quilt National…Hopefully

It’s not really morning. It’s still night, as far as my brain is concerned. But I’m up! Woo! Ouch. It hurts to be up right now. There’s something in the backyard that made really weird noises and the dogs totally ran away from, which seemed like a good idea to me as well at the time. And apparently my sprinklers are possessed. They’re set to go off at 6:45 PM, and one of the sections went off just a little while ago, at 3:18 AM. Confused beastie.

So I’m on my way to Quilt National in Athens, Ohio. This is the second time I’ve gotten in. The last time, Delta cancelled my flights at the last minute and I was late, missed the opening. It was depressing as hell, being stuck here and not being able to get out. We missed it by about 6 hours. My parents were there though.

This time, I’d like to be there…and hopefully I will. Neither flight has been cancelled yet. Maybe the boychild’s delayed flight, night in Newark, and lost luggage will be the karma balancing out my perfect flights. Yes? Are the airline goddesses smiling upon me today? I hope so. I’ve got art to see and online friends to meet in person for the first time.

I had high hopes last night of grading assignments that turned into stressed-out panic about the girlchild’s insurance, state testing, and packing. So I did the only thing I could…I stitched…I did blue lazy daisies to the right of the hand.

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I am taking this with me.

Then I finished the 6th block of Sue Spargo’s Folk Tails…

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I did actually go back and add all the damn bullion knots around the tree. More texture good. I’m taking the next three blocks with me. Hopefully I’ll finish at least one of them and they won’t confiscate my kiddie scissors or my needles. My good scissors are in my checked luggage.

Beyond the Concrete is the piece that’s in Quilt National…

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I originally made it to enter in SAQA’s Concrete and Grasslands exhibit. It didn’t get in. I’m quite happy to have it in Quilt National instead. Plus it is now concrete proof (ha ha ha…see what I did there?) that I can get a nude quilt into QN. The first one I got in actually had no nudity and no uteri, let alone a penis (this one doesn’t have one of those either), so I needed to get in again. I’m OK now. It’s OK if I never get in again.

I think this might be one of the first earth mother-type quilts where I put animals all over her body…I was trying to contrast the earth mother who cares about, well, the EARTH vs the mother of the Earth that we have made…the concrete and asphalt and electrical wires and power plants and smoke and cars and lighted buildings. (I think I did a good job of that.)

I know who I want to win…

Anyway, if you’re on your way to Athens, Ohio, say hi. I’ll be the one with my mom and dad (please. Help me. I’m joking. They’re nice people. And they’re paying for me to get there, so I’m immensely grateful.). I’ll be the one pleased to be missing school for two days during testing and sex ed. Hopefully I’ll be the one on time this time, instead of stranded in an airport on the other side of the country.

If You Can Hold On, Hold On*

Holy crap we’re in chaos mode (me, not we). Did I make any art last night? Well if you count collapsing exhausted on the couch and stitching two pieces of thread down art (I don’t), then yes (no). I taught teens about periods and sperm. I coached two lovely ladies during tutorial on what they should have been doing for the last week. I talked to a friend. I drove home and graded stuff. I texted the boychild about his missed flight and the wonders of New Jersey. I FaceTimed the girlchild about her new (not new) car and how to deal with insurance and license plates. Like I know anything about license plates. I graded while I did that. I think I ate dinner at 9:30. Then I started cleaning out where the washing machine is, because a new one is being delivered tonight.

It was exhausting. I was exhausted before 5 PM. It only got worse.

I leave at holy shit in the morning tomorrow. I am not packed. A washing machine is being delivered this afternoon. Today we have state testing for math and a science meeting. I think I have 30 seconds between each task. The grading is still hanging over me. Like a slavering monster. I feel the hot drool. Oh yeah, and the boychild will finally show up today. His flights get screwed up about 75% of the time. We got a voucher this time though.

No panic. I did this.

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What exactly did I do on it? Brown tree things off the hand, then filling with orange French knots.

Oh yeah. I helped Calli soak her paw. She can’t do it by herself. She requires talking and pets. Some scratching of the chest as well.

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My dope daughter and her “new” (no it’s not) car. She’s picking names for it now.

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And the two doofuses who would not leave me alone while I was trying to veg out on the couch.

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Needy little beasts. I combed the pale one. He needed it.

OK, off to school. I’m a little crazy in the head right now. Not enough caffeine. Plus interaction with an insurance company first thing in the morning. Ugh.

*The Killers, All These Things That I’ve Done