Do the Things…

There’s an old cat behind me, rubbing her head on my back, which is why I will have cat hair on my back and not even know about it all day. It’s OK. She’s old. I don’t know how much time she has left and she’s become pretty antisocial, except with me. And sometimes even with me. I didn’t see her last night until bedtime. She has a new hiding place, which I know about, but if she won’t come out on her own, it’s sufficiently hidden enough that I can’t get her out without dragging her out. And there isn’t usually a need for that. So I’ll be cat-hair lady today.

I got a goodly chunk of trimming done on Monday night, after grading a whole class of unit packets. I even started reading a new book.

I was so efficient. Shorter staff meeting, I guess. I copied stuff after school, but was still done by about 4:30. Yesterday, I went to the gym. So pro…I got a lot more reading done on that book, plus I exercised. Con…I didn’t get as much trimming done. I did grade another class unit, though. Two more of those. Hoping to get a chunk done in class today while walking them through a thing I’ve never done before, so that should go well. Ha! Only 30 minutes of trimming last night…

Lots of bigger pieces down there left to cut. I think I’m close to being in the swamp and the earth on the other side. Lots of 200s and a few 300s still. Getting there. My goal really is to be fully trimmed in the next two nights. I think I can do it. I also need to pack for camping, though. And get school stuff ready for next week.

School. Ugh. Kinda lost my mind yesterday. You know how you take on stuff, and then more stuff, and then the stupidest tiniest thing gets added on, and that’s it, that’s the one where your brain is like, NOPE. Can’t do it. Can’t make me. Not gonna. Yeah. Well that was possibly over the weekend and then yesterday. It’s fine. I CAN do it. I’ve been trying to push stuff out to the other teachers so I’m not doing so much. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. So then I’m losing my prep period again to something that wasn’t planned. Plus I don’t really have someone to plan my curriculum with. It’s not working well. It’s just sort of a repeat of last year’s scramble, except with new stuff, but then I see my kids not getting it, or it’s just a boring fill-out-the-worksheet thing…again…and I’m like, nope, can’t do that, revise again with my kids in mind, they need hands-on and repeats, and I think here I am in September and it feels too much like last year and last year sucked.

I turned yesterday’s worksheet into a table competition and it was awesome. Sometimes my planning brain is really good.

So I’m trying to revise all that in my head and having a hard time with it. My team wants me to ask my principal if he can evaluate me another year, that I have too much on my plate. I’m not sure whether it matters. I’m also not sure I won’t cry at our first evaluation meeting because I’m still straight up dealing with the shit from last year in my head. I had hopes for this year, and they’re not gone, just on hold, which is what I keep telling myself. You can do this little bit. It’s not a lot. Just keep forcing the issue of responsibility back on others. My team wants me to let the others flail, but I can’t do that. All those 7th graders will be on our teams next year, and I don’t want to deal with the fallout if I let it all go. Certainly the thought of having to reflect on what I need to ‘progress as a teacher’ and then finding the time to apparently DO THAT? Yeah, that’s gonna make me cry right now. I’m a little too much still in survival mode.

Too much to think about. What I really need to do is go in today, do the things, meet with the people, do what I can, go to pilates, come home and grade, then cut things out. Read a little. Start packing for camping. Take a deep breath. Or ten. Thousand.

Here’s a happy puppy.

That said, he was a total barky asshole last night. So sleep would be nice tonight as well.