Hello panicked Friday. Have you seen my work to-do list? Yeah? Me too. I’m deep breathing right now. Literally couldn’t get through everything on it today if I could clone myself (and I wish I could). I wish my district could figure out how to say no to parents, but they can’t. I suspect none of them can at the moment. But when you do that, it all falls on staff to deal with…and I’m done. Yesterday was a clusterfuck of tiny fires threatening to be big ones. I put most of them out, and then after school, there were more…this morning, more…I either need to up my meds, stop sleeping, or call in sick for three days. Just to deal with stuff for a tiny few kids. Can’t deal with the large majority at all. If I stop taking time for myself, to make art, to read, fuck that, to eat and sleep and poop, well then I might get through it all. Deep breaths. Let’s hope that I’m efficient as hell today and get through a healthy enough chunk that I can do one fun thing this weekend. ONE.
Trace trace trace.
I’m 15 hours into the tracing…and just hit the 1300s. So I have about 350 to go.
Pretty sure my original guess was 20 hours.
Last night, I traced a barn owl, two bombers, and a bunch of bombs. Fun times. Oh, and the moon. I’m getting there.
I also stitched with friends, although I tore out the roof stitching 4 maybe 5 times.
It’s not like the picture, but it will be fine. This is the last house I need to embroider for this block of the month. Then the center piece (which is large) and put it all together. Then borders. Finished by 2035.
I was watering the other day, and saw these…
And this…
And this…
No time to water, plant, clean. Ugh. OK. Gotta go in and start dealing with all the things. Which includes some literacy meeting time. Ugh plus at least I might have some time to work. Maybe. We’ll see if I have the brain power for it. Clay after school (after doctor’s appointment). Then grade things and trace things. I’m really trying to carve out time tomorrow for a museum visit with my guild. We’ll see. Also a hike would be nice. Hanging out with the Man might be nice too.
We have both parents! But still no baby squawks. Me sad. At least they’re both still there. Presumably there’s eggs? More of them? They can lay up to 13 apparently. Get on it, you owls!
Middle of the week. State testing. Pro: some time when I’m not teaching. Con: state testing. Not a fan of the testing, y’all. Not a fan of the long sitting (or standing for me) and trying to keep kids on task/awake/quiet. Don’t understand the purpose of it all. And although we have short days for the kids, and we get to have a lunch for once (which is nice), I’m then pretty much useless for schoolwork for the afternoon. Which sucks. I did get some grading done, which is good. I have a plan for Friday, when I have to be out in the afternoon for literacy. Also good. I’m completely NOT planned for next week or anything after. Well. I know basically what I’m doing. I just don’t know what it looks like. Stressful. I’ll get my head around it eventually; just probably not today. Today is the second day of English testing, then lunch with friends, then union meeting and a late pilates class. It’s a lot. Tomorrow is a new sex-ed curriculum meeting because ugh.
Monday was yucky. Mostly because of the stuff after school. I’m not a fan of all of us reading and listening and taking tests in the library as a staff. People are noisy, my brain is overwhelmed, and I can’t think straight. They give us stuff and expect us to be able to process it immediately, but this is not how I learn. It’s frustrating. And the ‘homework’ they give us…it’s concerning. I know kids need to learn to read. I’m completely pro. I’m concerned though when they talk about using my (shitty) curriculum to set up supports for all the different levels of literacy. Because I would have to create all that. It doesn’t exist. And I’ve spent four exhausting years creating things and I don’t think I can do a fifth. Not the way it’s being presented right now. The amount of thought and insight that goes into considering that for two whole kids? Now multiple that by 130 kids. Or more. Hurts my head.
So my solution to that crazy was to go do ceramics. I added things in the bottom.
I guess I was feeling whimsical? It happens. I spent about an hour building things. I’m still waiting to get the tools to finish the sgraffito planter. Maybe Saturday?
Then I came home and worked for a bit, then traced for a while. I forgot to take a picture, which is OK, because they all look similar. I traced again last night after going to the gym and reading my book for a really long time and booking a place to stay when I visit the girlchild in July in San Francisco. I’m excited about that. We didn’t get our Spring Break trip due to money issues mostly. Summer is looking equally bleak. Lots of painting and furniture moving and handing money over to contractors to fix the flooding issues from January. Not fun. So having a short trip in there IS fun. Here’s three of the five yards that are now traced after last night…
Twelve and a half hours into the tracing, at about 1075 pieces so far, 600 to go, probably at least another 6 hours. Fun times. It is actually very meditative. Just long. Big complicated piece.
I graded through most of testing. These strata things were fun.
For some, I guess. Some kids were just confused by it, even though I did a sample with them the day before to show them how. Hopefully I’ll be able to do more with it next year. We ran out of time. We always run out of time.
Anyway. Today. Kinda long, but punctuated by good things. Hopefully chill.
I’m up early again. Another eye exam. I failed the field vision test in one eye. I told the doc it was because the spinning cabbage was in the way. So I’m up an hour early on a Monday…a MONDAY…before school to go in and fail again. Fun times.
Busy weekend…but good in general. Still had to do some work, but not as much as usual. I think. Who knows at this stage?
Art opening in Liberty Station on Friday night, in pure exhaustion mode…
Ah. Just realized the show is up for a while.
Moya Devine and I shared words, made pieces, and then made pieces in response to those pieces.
The drawing at the top left and the quilt are mine. Moya couldn’t make it to the opening. She is in San Francisco. Part of the reason we paired up is because she lives far away and I didn’t have time to meet with anyone locally. I love all the people who did, and hopefully I can post some stuff from the show later this week, when I’m not totally rushed.
We had dinner out afterward. And I drew.
I drew Saturday night too, but IDK what happened with that one. Oh yeah. Great food, nice servers, shitty ambience caused by uncontrolled screaming children, and then when we moved outside to escape that noise and kids careening into our chairs, then we had cigar smokers. Multiples. Surrounded. Not going there again.
Anyway. I had quilt guild in the morning, an interesting lecture on Aurifil threads…
My official stitch for guild meetings.
Also took a ceramics workshop this weekend with Sarah Anderson to learn sgraffito.
It was really fun to do. And it came with dogs.
I will always come for the dogs.
I did two tiles…
But I also had a planter…it just wasn’t quite hard enough yet.
I started carving it in class and realized I’d never finish. Plus it wasn’t hard enough. So it’s on my shelf hardening now. It’ll be fine. I’ll get it done. Although I have no carving tools. It’ll be fine!
It’s a fun way to turn my drawings into a physical thing though.
If that’s a goal of mine. Yeah, I made it into the official video (everyone did…it’s OK).
I did a bunch of tracing too.
Almost two hours Saturday night (to make up for none on Friday…too exhausted).
Almost an hour last night. In the mid-800s…finally halfway.
Tetris washing up in science prep room on Friday.
Doing the dishes. Things they never told you about in school.
Anyway. I did relax a bit this weekend. Well, I say that and I’m still grinding my teeth. Ah well.
OK. Eye doc, start of state testing review, long staff meeting, hopefully followed by some clay stuff and tracing. We’ll see. That’s my goal anyway. I won’t be done tracing this week, I think…maybe next week. My clay pieces won’t be done this week either. I have to make some glaze decisions though. Scary stuff. OK. Gotta go. Oh wait! So I haven’t heard the baby owl for a few nights…again. I hate this. I think like two or three have died so far. There was a parent around last night, some squawking. Thought this was dad…maybe mom was in there laying another egg and that’s why baby was quiet? I don’t remember any quiet the last two years though.
Who knows?
Hope everything is OK in there. Hope everything is OK everywhere.
Hey. I’ve thought every morning this week was Saturday, and I was wrong about all of them. Including this one. Today is so not a Saturday; it’s like the antithesis of a Saturday. Give a quiz, then take your kids to an assembly, then do duty, then go to an art opening. Collapse somewhere appropriate (bed or couch), rouse self, grade things, trace Wonder Under, sleep. Hopefully. The dog is here without the boychild and sometimes he’s a rabble rouser (the dog, not the boychild…well, I mean, IDK about the rabble he might be rousing). Did I just use some conjugate of ‘rouse’ three times in the last paragraph? My brain must be trying to tell me something (DRINK YOUR TEA WOMAN).
Things that were awesome about this week: My teacher’s aide covered all my sciencey boards for state testing this week so I didn’t have to. She’s amazing. Really. I will miss her efficiency.
My piece from class that I made in February or March finally came out of the glaze kiln, completely fucking awesome.
I love this…even the brown splotches. I am not a perfectionist with glaze. At all. This is great. Imagine a tiny quilt in the center bit. This is awesome. I need my sewing machine. And time. Lots of time.
I love my current book, The Hexologists by Josiah Bancroft. And it’s a series! Even better. Although maybe the next one doesn’t exist yet. Nope. Get writing, man.
“Strobing fistula”…that’s a quilt name. Or a band name. Or a medical diagnosis.
Progress report grades are done so I don’t have to panic for a while about grades. Also, state testing starts next week, so there’s two days I can grade while they test, plus two days I just have to manage kids and not present a lesson on something I’m unclear on. Like space. Ugh. I love space; don’t get me wrong. I just don’t know enough about it.
So I have a ceramics class tomorrow on sgraffito. Which is fun to spell. It’s less (for me) a class about the technique and more the experience with the instructor. So we’ll see how that goes. I had to go in yesterday and build something to practice on (I made a planter). It needs to be leather hard by tomorrow afternoon. I wish I knew how to predict that, but whatever. I’m excited to be learning something new.
I am also still building the world woman or whatever I need to call her. I’ve got ideas for the body cavity and ideas for adding to the world she’s standing on, and eventually I’ll start working on her upper torso, which will have to be separate until I am ready to dry her, because she doesn’t fit in my shelf. Ah well.
There’s a couple people I see in the studio all the time, so you talk. This one guy walked past and said, “your stuff is always so cute” and I’m like, WHAAA, that’s a BUTT…
And he’s like, “I was gonna say I liked your butt, but…”. Funny. Like that. The butt is a little saggy. Might be pretty real. The back needs some work. Added a whale tail.
And a wildfire…it needs smoke. I’m stuck in this place of not knowing how to glaze these types of sculptures. I’m going to have to think about it with the other female figure. She’s getting close to dry I think. Maybe. I’m doing it slowly. Anyway, this is fun. I enjoy it.
I’m also enjoying the tracing, although my thumb is sore…not sure if it’s drawing or clay or something else.
I’m up to the 600s. More than a third, less than a half.
I had to start a 4th yard. Lots of big pieces in the figures. Long leg parts.
Probably someone wants to know about the weird eye thing and the doctor. Well, it’s not my eyes. My retinas and optic nerves are fine. They are happy campers. All 10 layers of the retinas are attached firmly. So that’s good. But that means it’s my brain. In fact, we were finally able to figure out that I see it with both eyes…so that rules out the eyes anyway, because I see it in the same place and the same thing. So. I’m getting a brain MRI. Occipital lobe? Also the doc thought maybe it was a migraine aura…for two months? Apparently a possibility. She asked about stress. After I fell out of my chair laughing…well. So I’m keeping a headache diary, even though I’m not really getting headaches. I mean, I am, but they’re the normal kind that come at the end of the school year. Some of them have names and presences attached to them. All very weird. Trying not to think too hard about it. Because that’s more stress. Thanks, brain. Appreciate the message.
Yeah. I mean, not really, because I do still care; I’m just so tired of caring. And managing.
I needed to pick emojis for the next unit.
Seemed fair. The sex ed unit was harder…I’ll let you guess (and no, I did not use an eggplant, although I thought about it for a good long while).
Simba is a good boy.
The bear vs man thing is hysterical…and then so not.
It would be lovely to live in a society that listened to women. And believed them.
Ending with this…Faith Ringgold’s quilt on the cover.
Such amazing stuff. Wish I’d met her.
OK. Really. I can do today. I can. It’s easier than yesterday. I might need a lot of tea. A LOT of tea.
Up early, another doctor’s appointment, this one to figure out what this weird thing I’ve been seeing in my eye since March is…probably not an optical migraine for this long. So that’s been worrisome. I’ve had one batch of scans/dilations/bright flashlights and look at my ear things, and they found nothing, but it didn’t go away (they never do, y’all), so I got leveled up! And it’s a 3-hour appointment plus some other thing, and I can’t take a whole day off at this point, so I’m going in to school for the second half. Hopefully the eye dilation will be toned down by the time I get in. Anyway, it means I have to leave in 24 minutes, so write fast!
It’s OK, all I do is work work work (8:30 PM last night, 6:20 AM this morning) and make art (hallelujah). I did work on the clay thing on Monday, but as often happens, I forgot to take photos…I’ll do it tomorrow. The quilt is just being traced…it’s big and complicated, so I guessed about 20 hours…
It all pretty much looks the same, day after day.
I’m still on the second yard of Wonder Under…that will change.
I found a numbering fuckup…I managed to skip backwards 20 pieces and had to add ‘a’ to all 20 because I’d already used those numbers.
Good times. Rolling toward 1700 pieces.
I’m just about 400 pieces in, so less than a quarter of the way through…and just over 4 hours, so that’s impressive. I do usually estimate 100 pieces an hour, but it’s rare that I make that. I figured 20 hours for this…we’ll see.
In house progress, here’s one old fix from the previous owners…
That wood has all been replaced…
Then we realized there’s about three different colors of brown paint. Ugh. Picked one. Suspect no one (but you) will ever notice. Certainly I haven’t for years and I live here. They are slowly moving around the house and getting this bit done. Putting gutters in will hopefully permanently solve the problem of the water damaging the wood down there…that and digging out a trench around the edges. Fun summer project there.
From The Hexologists, the book I’m reading for book club.
Not that my anxiety needs any support in that. It’s well-versed in arming itself.
OK. Doc. Uncomfortable eye things. For a long time. School…teaching lunar phases again…yesterday’s lab had me walking them through each step…the instructions say, for the lower grades, you may need to walk them through this. 8th grade, y’all…not so lower. It’s OK. It was fine. My voice is shot though. Then pilates, then sleep. Oh wait. I might have to do some other stuff first. Like work, eat, trace. All good. Not the work part. That can fuck off. I had my final observation/evaluation review yesterday. I did fine. Wasn’t really worried about it. I don’t have to have another one (unless I get a psycho principal…had those before) until the year I’m hoping to retire. That’ll be a fun one.
Chaos weekend. Grades are done though. Last progress report of the school year. Hallelujah. Today is the day all the kids panic because they realize what their grades are and that they didn’t do anything in time to bring them up. Ah well. Learning experience. I can say it every day and it falls on mostly deaf ears. Moving on.
Today and tomorrow are lab days; not preferred to have them run right next to each other, and there’s a fire drill or something today I think that wasn’t on my list of things to avoid, so we’re gonna figure that out, but with a doc appointment Wednesday and some portrait thing for all of 8th grade on Thursday, there was really no way around it. Ah well. We survive.
I did do some art stuff this weekend. Friday afternoon, I did some clay stuff, getting the figure up on the world and making it look more worldlike, although the continents are a little wiggy.
I draw them wiggy too, so I’m OK with it.
The butt sticks out too much. Hopefully I can fix that. It looks good from the back, but the side view is a bit much. I also glazed this…
I was overthinking it. It’s not precious. I can always make another one with the 17 million ideas rambling around my head. I could make hundreds of them if I wanted. Or not.
I started tracing the big crones quilt. Nova was watching…perturbed by the big paper coming over the couch.
She’s scared by the weirdest things.
When she was little, she’d do everything she could to go under. I’d have to wait for them both to be sleeping to be able to trace anything.
I graded a good chunk of Saturday. It wasn’t fun. I don’t recommend it. I’m not really planned for this week yet either. Saturday’s dinner drawing.
It was also trivia night, but we sucked at that. Mostly. We weren’t planning on trivia night. It just happened while we were there.
Ah, grading middle-school boy work.
Nice udders.
Need more milkweed…
Tried to get some a week ago but it was hella expensive.
My haul from the neighbor kids throwing fruit into my yard.
There was another tangerine, but it was deep in a bush, so I left it.
I had an art meeting yesterday and they had this cool flower…
Fascinating things, plants. Finished stitching this during the meeting.
One more house to go.
OK. I need to get out of here. Construction people are here to tear up the outside of the house where it leaked. Fun times. Teaching gravitational pull today, plus apparently another lockdown drill? Ugh. I’m really done with school. I finished making all my test review docs yesterday. Just need to check them and then get them printed, do sub plans, post all the crap for this week, decide what the sub can actually do, then write an academic question. Plus clay and book club. I think. Ugh. Did I say ugh? I did.
Hey Friday. This week has been confusing. Doc appointment yesterday meant I only taught half the day, got up first and worked, then went to doc, then to school. It was tiring, but being at school all day would have been as well. Just a different tired. Worked a lot of hours despite the half day. Grades are due Tuesday and I’m trying to get caught up. Always. Always trying to get caught up. This weekend is crazy busy, though, and that’s without putting grading time in. Ugh. Last progress report of the year though. That’s finally happening! Woo hoo. Getting to the end will be sweet. I hope. Gotta survive the chaos before that.
Speaking of chaos, I finished numbering the big drawing. Took two nights…
and almost two hours…
Numbers in a circle are because I couldn’t fit the number in that particular part, so there’s a line going to it…
OR the piece continues…there’s usually an arrow to tell me that too, to look for the rest of the piece.
There’s 1644 pieces. Actually, there’s 1647 pieces…I have two ‘a’s’ and one ‘b’ because I missed something as I was numbering and I wanted those pieces to have numbers close to their neighbors.
In the past, I have double numbered pieces…somehow started counting 40 or 50 pieces below where I was and had 40 or 50 ‘a’s’. I’ve also skipped pieces before, up to 200 of them. So you never know what my brain will have done at 10 PM on a Thursday night. Could be logical. Could be not.
I do know that now it’s time to trace…and I’ll be here for a while. Maybe 20 hours? There’s some big pieces in there. They take longer to trace. But there’s also a ton of little pieces. Because I’m me and that’s how I roll.
There are 34 days of school left. Four of those are testing, one is graduation, there’s one field trip to Belmont Park, and I’ll be out for two days. It feels doable and yet the longest stretch of time possible to endure. And my surgery will almost definitely be the first week after school gets out. Sounds easy, quick recovery (knock on wood), good odds there will be no nasty surprises. The house is finally getting fixed from January’s flooding…the drywall looks great. So painting the hallway and doing carpet is on the summer to-do list, maybe painting the bedroom as well, but that might be a bit much for me. I’d like to relax, read books, and make art too. Plus visit the girlchild. That would be nice. Hoping to do that in late July. We’ll see.
Nova loves geckos more than they love her.
Actually, they seem to ignore her completely.
OK. Teaching planets and gravity today. Debating how to go about it. Thinking more independently than not. I think that’s the way to go for my mental health. I’ll do the notes with them, and then they can go do the slides on their own. Easier on all of us. I can get some grading done and they can go at their own pace. We did that yesterday and it was pretty chill. I’m up for more chill, especially with two labs next week. Which ended up two days in a row because of my eye doc appointment and some crazy photography shit we had to shove into the week at the last minute, plus there’s an assembly. Crazy week. It’ll be fine.
After school, I get some clay time (I earned it), plus tracing at home. Apparently cooking dinner. Then get through the weekend, getting as much done as efficiently as possible. Which is mostly how I roll. When I roll (read, hike, sleep should be part of this). Come back next week and do it again.
OK, my art brain finally kicked in a little stronger. Not sure why? But I appreciate. Monday after school, I went to the ceramics studio and made a base and the start of the next piece. I really wish I had my sewing machine so I could start the fabric bits of the ceramics that are done, and I wish I had the brain power to figure out how to glaze the bisqued piece (too many decisions), but for now, I just wanted to start something new. I had an idea and there was a bowl in the studio to help me out, so now I have this…
A possibly much sturdier base than the previous one. I hope.
Then I started this…
Needs work…
Also needs to stay under 17″ so it fits on the shelf. Also has paper towel wadding to hold the butt up (it started to sag). So we’ll see how that worked on Friday, when I have time to go back.
Meanwhile, parts of the drawing were slowing me down…the one side on the left, for reproductive rights, and the bottom, under the women’s feet. I did add body bags to the right.
Monday night, I added the crouching woman with the man pointing at her, then last night, the rest popped in.
Thinking of women dying because they’re denied basic healthcare related to pregnancy, thinking of unwanted children or children born into families that can’t afford them because they had no choice, thinking about men who spill their sperm and are never held to the same standard as pregnant women, never have to be responsible. Society places all of that blame on the female. So yeah. I guess I channeled some of that anger. Then the base wanted a magma chamber underneath it all. Seems fair.
Here’s the whole thing…
The drawing is 42″ x 70″. Not small. Good though. I’m happy with it. Good thing because I’ll be working on it for the next three months probably. Time to draw it? Well the original drawing of the women was about 90 minutes to 2 hours (I don’t keep track ALL the time), and then drawing full size, which I do keep track of, was 6 hours and 12 minutes. Not bad. Lots of staring at blank paper though. Looking forward to making it. I’ll number tonight…hopefully.
I love when these things pop open. They’re so weird looking.
Nature is whack.
The book I started reading last night (that almost kept me from going to bed) had this great Author’s Note at the beginning…
I love that. I just need to know she’s gonna be OK.
Speaking of being OK, I have an eye doc appointment next week for the weird swirling black hole universe I see in the dark. They keep warning me about flashes of light and going to the ER (ah, retina detachment), but the last doc didn’t know what it was…he couldn’t see any evidence of what I was seeing (good? or?). So I got leveled up…to a 3-hour appointment. Woo hoo! Another morning off school. Ugh. Tomorrow is the boob surgeon. Next week, eye. Or is it eyes? I don’t really know. It seems to be the right eye, but I’m not sure it’s not my brain. So there’s that.
All fun times. Today? Teaching embryology (fun) and comparative body structures (also fun unless you have the kneejerk creationist class) who just refuse to see any of it. Whatever. I’m not in charge of you people. I’m doing my best to show you the things. And next week, with the doctor appointment and some picture thing the 8th graders have to do, I’m not sure where to put the lab I was gonna do. Ah well. Things will happen when they happen. It’ll be fine. Then pilates after school and book club (not sure which book, but pretty sure I read it). Then numbering that beast. I’m guessing 2000 pieces. And I’m OK with that. Meditation by numbers.
So I was productive this weekend; always feels better than when I’m not. I got all three of the big plants I bought planted, although the first one was such a challenge that I thought the next two would be horrendous too, but they were easy peasy. Nice that. Don’t give up! It might be easy the next time. Am I done planting and weeding and trimming? Never. I met this guy…I left his weed standing so he could continue to shelter sort of under it.
It’s OK. There’s lots of weeds out there. I left a bunch. My protea is gonna bloom nicely this spring…
I have two volunteer tomatoes…one is inside (it’ll have to move) and one is tiny…
They’re both compost tomatoes. Best kind. I let the mice eat them really, they’re so tiny. Must have been cherry tomatoes.
So artwise, I got this one out of the kiln and now have to decide on glaze…
She’s from February and is meant to have a tiny quilt hanging inside her.
Then I got this one together and onto a shelf.
Hopefully she holds up. I changed her a little, moved the mug. Now I get to start something new…although I should figure out glaze first on that other one. Two drying, one bisqued.
Then I worked on the big crone drawing…
Added a barn owl and some bombers…and a cat.
Then sketched out what’s next down below…
Hopefully I’ll draw that tonight. And I did more up top…
Oh, I forgot, I framed this for a FIG show that will open next Friday at Liberty Station at the Dance Place hallway gallery.
My co-artist used this for a digital piece she made that I haven’t seen finished yet, and then I made that smaller quilt from another digital collage she did. So we’ll have four pieces hanging together in the show.
We also went on a hike Saturday…lots of flowers…
And one big coyote that kept traveling toward us until it found its way up the hill.
So one of the thing that has needed to be fixed for about 6 months is my stained-glass side window in the entryway. The supports had come loose and it would wiggle and make noise if the door was closed too hard. It’s been there since before we moved in, so probably from the 80s. The previous owner made it. The wood around it has been an issue too, so with the repairs related to the January flooding, I had asked for the wood to be replaced. It took a while to find a glass expert…
But he had a plan for it…enclosing the art glass in layers of tempered glass to protect it and weatherproof it and stabilize it. Sounds good.
So they leveraged it out of there on plywood…and now we have this lovely view for 4-6 weeks.
It has a tiny gecko door in the bottom left. The cats are excited. The entryway is also very dark now.
Saturday night’s dinner drawing…
They forgot about us so I got more of the drawing done. It’s been hard to finish one lately (and this one isn’t finished); they bring the food out so fast.
OK. So drawing tonight, clay this afternoon, staff meeting with homework (ugh). Teaching today is an assessment of what we did for most of last week. We’ll see how that goes. The previous assessment was eh. So many kids didn’t turn it in that it made it easier to grade. I did that this weekend, all but one class. So hopefully I can get through that class today as they’re doing the next assessment. Getting closer to the end…one more short unit, then test review, egg drop, sex ed, and I’m out! OK. That’s a lot. This week is a lot. Getting there.
Ugh. Tea. More tea. I don’t know what’s up with my sleep these days. I can FALL asleep, which is nice, because that used to be an issue, but after about 2:30 AM, it’s a crapshoot as to whether I’ll STAY asleep. Or toss and turn. Lie there watching the light increase, feel everyone fussing around me, wonder when the alarm will actually ‘wake’ me up. Huh. Could do without it. I get to the end of the day and feel like a mack truck rammed me.
Some drawing has been happening. Not a ton, but some in the last two nights.
OK, maybe that is a lot. I drew a crone; she’s part of a tree, like a Mother Tree overhanging this group of women. She is holding onto war, not because she wants it, but to protect the women from it. I stared at pictures of really old, wrinkled people when drawing her.
Hence the knuckles, which I’m really excited about. This arm is not done. It needs things.
But I’m in love with the hand.
Not so in love with war. The effects of war…on families and children especially. I’ve taught too many kids from the Middle East to ignore the effects of war on kids. Just stop. There’s a lot of anger in the world right now, a lot of people trying to grab a bigger piece of pie instead of trying to make peace. I’m not a fan. So if you’re killing kids or kidnapping people or bombing hospitals or destroying people’s homes? I’m not for you. I may have empathy for things that happen to you or your people; I may want you to have a home, somewhere safe that is yours, but not if that’s how you’re handling it. And I realize sometimes you feel you need to protect yourself (Ukraine, I see you), but I’m not sure that’s legit if you are killing kids or aid workers or health workers in the process. That’s me, though. I’m one person. But this quilt has some war in it. Some aftereffects of war. It’s also going to have some reproductive rights in it, because that’s another kind of war. Another place where I don’t think what people are doing is legit, putting women’s lives at risk, even the aftereffects of forcing pregnancy on one gender and not the other. I wouldn’t choose to force it on anyone…again, I’m thinking about the kids…I want them to be wanted, to be loved. I’ve seen what happens when they’re not.
So all that is in my head as I draw. Clay this afternoon…gonna try to put her back together. We’ll see. I have about 78 things I need to do this weekend, so if I have to come back and do that later, I will, but the goal is today.
Those illustrations are too real. This week was a shitshow. It’s not over yet, but I am only teaching half of today, and it’s independent, shut up, I explained it yesterday, I need you to do things on your own, you’re going to high school in four months for goodness’ sake. I realized I’ve been ON, direct instruction, ALL week, and that is part of the tired. Also revising the curriculum from day to day. Yesterday, I stayed after school for 90 minutes just to get ready for being in a literacy meeting this morning. I had to make a video for the absent kids. I had to copy seating charts, write sub plans, I forgot to put the pens out (I’ll do that this morning), and because I had no projector for two days this week, everything was off. Plus we got voluntold for something next week that thoroughly fucks everything up, and today I get to tell the literacy coaches I’m not doing any more of that for the rest of the school year. I’ll do these meetings and try to plan for next year, but I’m not taking any more time from stuff my kids need for state testing. Sorry. Not sorry.
I don’t need to be violent. Just not tolerating your shit.
Simba misses the boychild. This is his bedtime side-eye. You? I have to sleep with YOU? He does like me. He even cuddles. But there’s not enough room for all of us (cat, dog, two people…luckily the other two cats are staying away at the moment).
OK. Literacy AM. They’re gonna want decisions about next year and I don’t have the working brain power for that right now. And I’ll let them know that. Then teach in the afternoon…should be pretty chill, but you know how that goes. Stand on a corner for afterschool duty. Then go play with clay. Come back, cook dinner, prep art to be delivered tomorrow. Read my book. SLEEP. Although it’s still the SAQA conference, so I’ll be up early. Ugh. No sleep for the weary. At least it will be a weekend.
Kathy Nida 