Back to (Semi) Normal

So yesterday was mostly normal. I finally ironed and cut stuff out the way I should have been all week, interrupted by many sessions of Kitten petting and loving. She’s not a lap cat or a cat that likes to be held much, but she did follow me all over the house, even asking to be on my chair with me (which yes, means I perch on the edge while she takes up the rest). She disappeared at about 7 AM this morning when I was letting the Incredible Peeing Dog back in, but girlchild found her (yes, I panicked. Even though every window was closed). She was in the hanging sweater container I use for smaller older quilts. It’s in the closet…perfect size for a small cat.

I’m so glad she’s back. It’s amazing how much emotion we have tied up in these little creatures who are only around for 10-20 years (or in Babygirl’s case, only 2 1/2). Kitten’s 6th birthday is next Friday. She’s supposed to be with me for the next 7-10 years. I hope she knows that.

Yes, I am a crazy old cat lady. But as everyone starts warning me about empty nest syndrome and I start thinking about how to fill all that time with some social stuff, so I don’t go hermit crazy (I’m an introvert, yes, but I still need human interaction beyond my 175 12-year-old students), I realize that I do come home and talk to the animals and they help when I’m sitting there on the couch, cutting out a trillion tiny pieces of fabric. It’s the difference between alone and not.

I picked fabrics for a little over 4 hours yesterday…including these feather shafts that I wanted to shade from one color to another…

I finished the larger of the two figures and the bird above her. I’m ready to start the smaller figure. I wanted to be done with ironing today, but I’ve gotten through about piece 1120, so there are at least 700 to go. I don’t have 7 hours today, so probably tomorrow. I have 16 hours in so far…and I guessed about 21. Think it will be closer to 23. Maybe not. There are more Things That Are Alike in the second figure. The first figure had all these tiny animals and plants that needed to be picked out separately. That shit takes time…and sometimes research. What color are a bee’s legs anyway? You’d be surprised.

I was tired yesterday. Didn’t sleep well enough the night before, plus I’m still recovering, and Thursday’s drive all over San Diego County plus tons of walking and stress basically kicked my ass. I took a nap yesterday and when I was too tired to stand, I would go sit on the couch and cut pieces out.

I did about 2 1/2 hours of cutting stuff out yesterday…

The cut-out pile is on the left…after 6 hours total, it still looks awfully small. The bin on the right is the stuff that still needs to be cut out. You’ll notice that swirly flesh color has been in there for like the last three posts, mostly because I never get DOWN that far. So I’m ironing faster than I’m cutting. That’s OK. I’ll get to the flesh eventually, probably early next week.

August 5 is looming as a deadline (for something?!) because I know I’ll probably be starting work on a new major project with a September 12 (well, that’s the opening, so earlier) deadline, and that whole school-starting thang is popping up as well, and then there’s the two kids I need to get to college. One needs jeans and the other needs Everything in the World. Or is that just what is piled up in my living room? Hard to say.

I have made zero attempts to clean up the house this summer. There is no point until they both leave. Actually, the boychild does clean up after himself.

Here’s all the fabrics I’ve used so far…

As I’m going through, I do try to pull from what’s already there to tie everything together, so although now I’m working on the city girl, some of those reds and whites and grays and yellows will show up in her as well. I will need more gray though. And I haven’t made a flesh decision yet, but will be doing that probably in the next 20 minutes or so, because the next stuff I pick is her feet.

So there we are. The panicked end-of-summer creativity surge of an artist who teaches science to pay the bills. I’ve mostly ignored school all summer (that is such a load of crap…there have been at least 200 texts about school and a host of emails, plus I did a bit of Google Classroom), and that will have to stop. Damn job. Why are you messing with my ART??? Yeah, OK. Whatever. Seriously though. It’s August 1, and this is the first day I allow myself to consider school schedules and lesson plans and copies to the print shop. My team lost its history teacher (again!), so the three that are left are meeting Tuesday after my first professional development of the year. Next week is an appointment clusterfuck. All the teeth-cleaning, boob-squeezing, meaningless followup with an OB/GYN I’ve never met because I had the procedure done and my insurance has their crazy followup needs (I’ve already seen my primary care doc…so this really is pointless)…all of that is this coming week. I seriously have no day without at least one appointment on it, most with two or more.

Remind me to take up meditation again. Right now, I’m doing the best kind of meditation…fabric picking. Makes me smile.

Kitten: Lost and Found

Yeah. I know. It’s early for me (except in about two weeks, this will be normal again…ugh). It’s been a rough 24 hours. So many of us who create have pets, furry beasts who stand on our stuff, headbutt our hands as we’re drawing that crucial line, creatures who mess up or throw up on or eat what we’re working on. I’ve always had cats and dogs in some combination or another, although at the moment, very few of them are actually MINE. I still take care of them though. My current household contains the fewest furry beasts it has since…shit…early marriage? Two cats: Midnight (who is my daughter’s notionally) and Kitten (who is most certainly mine). One dog half time: Calli (most definitely my daughter’s). When girlchild goes to college, the thought is that Calli will have a change in living situation, certainly not trading houses every other day like she does now, but we haven’t determined what that situation will be. There are factors like her undying wiggly love for the man who sticks his fingers in her ears (that is NOT me) and who will be home the most (that IS me). I mean, Calli loves me…but she doesn’t OMG LOVE me. Which is fine.

Anyway, the point of all this is that sometime between 3:30 AM Thursday morning and about 6 AM that same morning, Kitten escaped. She was devious about it, using her claws to pull a screen corner out of the frame, not ripping it, but pulling the spline out of the groove. So even though she didn’t wake me up by headbutting my boob and face and hurdling me 1700 times while meowing, I figured she was asleep in a closet somewhere. She does that sometimes. We didn’t think she could have gotten out of the house. There were only two windows open, and because of how she pulled the screen, we didn’t notice it until 11 AM. At that point, all three of us had searched the house, opening cupboards (she’s gotten stuck in those before).

I took this the night before…

She was sitting so happily while I cut stuff out and Midnight was happily next to me on the couch and I thought, you know, even though both my kids are going far away to college and I’m going to be terribly horribly alone on the human front for the next four months (which alternately sounds wondrous and horrifying), at least I have these two sweet cats and some of the dog and that will do.

So when we couldn’t find her outside either, realizing that the last time she got out, I found her cowering on the deck, frozen like a bunny in the lights, we all pretty much panicked. She doesn’t come to anyone except me, and that…well, not all the time. We knocked on neighbors’ doors, put a Craigslist notice up, made fliers, posted them all over, then went to every vet and shelter and one pet store. Because the little beast won’t wear a collar, and when we got her, microchipping was bloody expensive. Now it’s incredibly cheap. So if someone found her or brought her injured to the vet (or just to the vet because she was lost), no one would know who she was. We cancelled all the appointments we had yesterday and did random walkarounds, but mostly sat around depressed, because what can you do but wait? She’s a hider.

At night, the kids went to their dad’s and a friend came over and helped me look again. No sign. I finally tried to iron at about 9 PM after getting absolutely nothing done all day. The night before, I managed a bunch of trimming, because I was too tired to stand any more (the doctor’s visit kicked my ass…driving plus stairs plus giving blood. Crazy shit). But all this is cut out…

That’s about three hours’ worth I did there. Doesn’t look like much, but there’s about 60 black triangles for the damn snake.

Here’s what was left to cut out after all those hours…

I have Netflix on while I iron, but I heard noises on the slope behind the house and so I paused it and started to chirp for Kitten, thinking it was probably a skunk or coyote or raccoon. But she answered. Or I thought she did. I grabbed shoes and a flashlight and ran out there and called her and walked around through all the spiderwebs, but no more mews. I figured I imagined it…we have hawks and owls that can sound like cats and god knows what else was out there with me. Or she was in a tree or hurt or trapped or hiding or I didn’t know what. So I came back in and ironed some more, and there’s more noise outside, and I chirp again, and dammit if she doesn’t meow again (or so I thought, because I really did go to bed thinking I’d hallucinated the whole damn thing). I was out there and all around the yard, the house (I have over half an acre of mostly wild untamed jungle), flashlight, I swear every spiderweb wrapped around my body, and I can’t find her. Girlchild is texting me from her dad’s, wanting to come over, and there’s no point, because when I’m standing out there, dead silent for 15 minutes, then chirping and calling, there’s not a sound.

If she’s out there, she doesn’t want to be found. Yet. There’s nothing I can do. Worst feeling ever.

So I went to bed. Not well. Not sleeping much. She sleeps with me every night. At that point, I’m sure she’s been gutted by a coyote and I just can’t find her dying body (trust me, I tried) or I was hearing things, and I would be sleeping without my baby (ah, sigh) for EVER. Not a good night.

Here’s what I got ironed last night.

More little stuff. I’m missing an artery (kind of a big thing to lose, yes). And those raindrops are still MIA. Bastards.

I organized the fabrics finally…before I started ironing (they’re a mess again now)…

I woke at 1:30 AM and 4:10 AM and then at 6 AM I hear yowling. Holy crap, where is that? A mom’s adrenaline rush would probably restart the walking dead. I opened doors and called out and listened, and then found Midnight growling, half yowling at the window where Kitten had escaped (now closed, due to screen issue…we left it open all day in case she came back, but didn’t want Midnight escaping). I went out the front door…there’s a ledge on the front of the house (apparently for rat races…or lost cats) and there she was, Kitten, meowling at me (yes, that’s a word…it’s that weird meow they make when they’re hurt or scared), but terrified, won’t come to me at all. I try inside at the screen; I try the deck, for the other side of the ledge. I’m sure my neighbors were amused, because I did not get dressed for this (I don’t sleep totally naked…it’s OK…and honestly, I don’t fucking care.).

No luck. She won’t come; she’s frightened even of me. I bring food out and she comes close and I almost get her, but she bolts. SHHIIT. Then Midnight is guarding the screen, so I try to shoo her off, but she’s determined to protect me from intruders (funny how the mouse that came in that same window one year did not get the same treatment). I pick her up and she bites and scratches me (seriously?), so I drop her and yell at her until she runs to her mom’s room and I shut the door.

It takes another 10 minutes of coaxing and then waiting, and Kitten comes back in…the same way she went out…through the screen. And she’s dirty and skittish as hell, but goes straight for the food bowl and lets me pet her and feed her and holy shit.

She’s back. She’s fine. She’s not hurt.

Blurry because she is cleaning herself…

And I don’t know if escaping again is on her agenda, and yes, she’ll be chipped as soon as I can get her in (although I don’t think that would have helped in this situation), and now we have to take signs down (that’s a good consequence), but my baby is home and I am slightly more sane than I was yesterday.

No sleep, very little food, kinda weepy, but slightly more sane. Hopefully ironing today to make up for yesterday.

Just Plain Tired…

I’m taking a break from ironing, mostly because I’m tired of standing. I’m actually just plain tired. Today was a harder day for me. I had to go to the doctor for a followup and that meant driving and walking and stairs and waiting and standing and then more of all those things when they decided I needed to give blood and try to make another followup. I even took a nap after dinner (which both boy- and girlchild made, although their dad had to berate gently for that to happen). I set the alarm and made sure I didn’t nap more than I’m supposed to. But I’m still physically exhausted right now. It’s OK to sit down for a while, and maybe I shouldn’t try to iron any more tonight. Maybe I should just go settle down on the couch and rest.

But I feel like I lost yesterday somehow. I made no art. I did a million other things, but art was not apparently on the table. So I lost a day. No time for that. Not with all the days I’ve lost so far.

So I managed to iron today. This was a snake I had seen online…I liked the coloring, so it became the snake around her legs. Bright!

All those little pieces to the right were the ones that weren’t so easy to locate, the shadows or the pointy shapes. It’s a complicated snake.

Then I ironed a lioness and a cat and a small landscape. That might have been it. It doesn’t sound like much, but the snake alone was about 150 pieces. I have 10 hours into the fabric part, still probably less than half, and the large figure still isn’t nearly complete. There’s a spider and a bee and some plants, and then the huge bird and all the seawater and sealife that makes up her hair. Probably there’s about 800 pieces ironed, maybe a little less. Like I said, less than half.

Those are all the things in or on the body that still need doing, plus the bird is in its own bin…

And I still have 5 lost raindrops. I have faith, though, because I found the lost bird in its nest. Those raindrops are hiding somewhere.

It’s almost like I’m running on a treadmill though…like I’m not getting anywhere. It’s just endless work on this one figure. I know it’s not, but the pile doesn’t look much different. What did I actually DO for three hours today? The logical part of my brain will start to argue about how the entire snake was in another bin, not on the table, so it does look like I did almost nothing. But I look at the calendar and hear the countdowns and planning beginning with my fellow teachers, and it’s my late July, early August panic. The knowledge that I never ever get enough done during the summer and I’m running out of time and school is going to kick my ass and I’m not going to get done in time.

Seriously. I hear this in my head every summer. It’s a drumbeat. I go into hermit mode. You can’t barely get me out of the house, out of my office even. I don’t want to talk…it distracts me from the (insert appropriate word here…ironing? sewing? quilting?). And I look at what I haven’t even come close to finishing, and I know that I need to get up tomorrow morning, while I’m fresh, and NOT listen to the siren call of fabric pieces, but quilt that commission piece NOW. Get it done. Seriously. Out of here.

Aargh. I’m so tired. And yet, when I lie down, I can’t sleep.

Here’s all the crazy piles of fabric I’ve used so far. Totally disorganized.

Much like my brain. Usually I have them in neat piles by color.

Here’s the pile of stuff to be cut out. As soon as I finish here, I’m picking it up and heading to the couch.

I will still be working on the quilt. I just won’t be in here. This part is addictive, I must admit. It’s so purely creative and enjoyable. Hard work, but enjoyable.

Tomorrow I can pick out the spider and its web, the bee, the plants. I can even start on the giant bird. Maybe. I’ve got a lot going on tomorrow too.

I am glad I get to be an artist though. I think I’d be really bored if I weren’t.

Feverish…

Good morning. Ugh. Between my uterus speaking to me in the middle of the night and the dog needing to pee, I’m feeling like a new mom. Something’s waking me up every two hours and then won’t let me back to sleep. Otherwise, though, I was much better yesterday, after ditching the mind-bending opiates that weren’t kicking the pain. I was up more, ironing more, and resting when my body said it was time (going to get pet food kinda kicked my ass). And now I have stuff I can cut out as well, so I’m not wasting time (in my mind) when I’m just sitting on the couch. Progress!

I don’t do sick well. You might have noticed.

The night before, I managed to get all these flesh colors and pieces sorted out, but it wasn’t even all the way up the torso and I had to stop.

In a previous quilt, I wouldn’t have stopped, but I really am listening to the body. Pushing it a bit, yes, but listening. Two and a half days on the couch were enough for me. Then I got up yesterday and sorted more…

but as I went through and picked out what had to be flesh colors, I realized the figure on the left had almost 1100 pieces in it (it’s big) and about half those pieces (maybe more) weren’t flesh. They were heart or lungs or the vast number of bugs, mammals, and plants that I placed all over it. The spider and its web. The thistle. An entire rooted tree with birds nest. So. I started putting those in groups on the table by what it was…a pile of heart and blood vessels. One pile of clouds and lightning bolts and raindrops (5 raindrops are currently missing in action, documented on a post-it). A pile of hair, including the top of the head, the eyebrow, and the pubic hair.

And then I considered what to do with the flesh of the second figure. And decided one thing. Fell asleep Sunday night and decided another thing. Waffled over it all day yesterday (still don’t have a decision…honestly). So I stopped and started ironing the first one…

And honestly, now that I’ve ironed one figure, the two lightest fabrics in the run? I don’t think there’s enough of them to cut out the second figure from the same fabrics. Which is OK. It’s not like I have a shortage of flesh-colored fabrics. I can replace the first two in the run or I can pick a whole ‘nother run for the second figure.

So at some point, I had a box full of stuff to cut out…

And honestly I had overdone the physical, get out of the house and act like a normal human being stuff, so I sat down on the couch for almost two hours to recover, and cut stuff out…

Then made dinner and put it in the oven and then sat down again…still running a fever on and off (it’s OK, it’s another acceptable symptom).

I could have ordered out. If I’d had more than 20 hours’ notice of the procedure, I would have cooked some stuff and frozen it before all this happened. Girlchild was at soccer practice last night. I could have pushed her to prep the meal, or even the boychild, but I didn’t have the energy. I had picked an easy meal on purpose. Plus leftovers. Because I’m not particularly hungry these days. I eat because I know I have to, but girlchild ran to the store yesterday because I expressed an interest in popcorn (of all things) and all we had was kettle corn (bleck) and a year-plus-out-of-date packet of the normal stuff. She ripped them out of my hands and came back ten minutes later and put it in the microwave and cooked it. Sounds silly, I know, but food. Right now? Yuck. I guess that’s the “poor appetite” symptom.

Then I managed more ironing of all the bits…here’s the pile of fabrics now…

The iPad is for looking up things like ivy and wolves for approximate coloring. I do my research. The thermometer is there too…I keep taking my temp to confirm that it’s not a hot flash…it’s a FEVAH!

And here’s the new pile to be cut out…lots of little bits now…

In fact, I have one whole box that is just the snake wrapped around her legs…it’s that many pieces…

And another box that is just the giant bird above her hand…

And here’s the rest of the stuff in or on her body that is not flesh…

Well, except all the stuff in and on her legs (a moth, a wolf, some plants), because I did those yesterday.

Usually I know how many pieces I’ve finished, because I go in order. I have no freakin’ clue how many are done. I know I’ve done all the flesh pieces through 1100. And I’ve done some of the non-flesh-colored pieces on the way there. I did about 4 hours of picking and ironing fabrics yesterday, with almost 7 hours total into the fabric part. Probably there’s a good 14 more hours to go. I should be able to get that done this week.

I only spent about an hour and 15 minutes cutting pieces out yesterday, so there’s a lot more work on that section. That’s OK, though…I can sit down for that. So I’m stronger each day, but still definitely recovering.

So I ran into a post by someone who’s been on my blog-reading list for many years…Kate Kretz. She makes beautiful work that is sometimes challenging (for some, not me). Actually, I like the word ‘disturbing’. I don’t think that word is BAD. I think there are times we SHOULD be disturbed by what we see and read and even think. I believe artists SHOULD disturb. I think the first pieces I saw of hers were the mouth pieces done in hair embroidery, and that’s when I started following her blog (that’s 2006?).

Yesterday she wrote a post on shocking art that is right on. I’ve had a few people over the years accuse me of making work that shocks on purpose, that I’m TRYING to piss people off or upset them or whatever, and I try to explain that I’m really never thinking about the work in that way, and mostly people nod their heads, like SURE you’re not. But I’m really not. I draw from a place in my head where I don’t even consider my audience. I don’t care who they are or what they might think. They are so far away from my point of view that they might as well not exist. I don’t make art for y’all. I make it for me. Now once I’m making it, sure, I’m putting it out there and entering it into shows (and getting it rejected more times than not), but that’s the other part of the artist brain…trying to figure out where it fits, making sure it’s out there, that people eyeball it. The one I’m working on now? It’s not that controversial (I think), but someone’s panties will get in a twist about it, I’m sure, just like some of the other work I’ve made. Anyway…great article.

Now back to recovery…and artmaking…temp’s gone up a full degree since I started writing this. Sigh.

Sorta Standing…

So I think I spent about ten hours yesterday in this space…doing some hand stitching on all that stuff over there.

I can’t show you pictures of that stuff until it’s published, but it’s more Sue Spargo blocks. It’s easy and brainless…I’m just stitching wool pieces down, not doing the embroidery yet. I had no brain power for that.

I was determined to stand today. It didn’t have to be long, but I wanted to get something done. It always helps when Calli covers half the floor.

Kitten had the chair. It’s a good thing I didn’t need to be sitting down.

I ironed all the stuff on the bottom of the quilt, at the base of the two figures.

Here’s all the fabrics I’ve used so far…

Lots of colors already. And here’s all the pieces ready to go…

I could start cutting them out tonight I guess. If I can sit up again.

I only made about 55 minutes of standing, and that was pushing it. Sad but true. I’m back on the couch now, lying down, because even sitting up is too much. Aargh. I stopped taking the heavy-hitting meds, because they weren’t helping much and I think they were messing with my sleep. I sleep more on the couch than in my bed. So I’ll try Motrin tonight instead. It’s kind of amazing how tired I am with no actual wound or stitches. It’s just dying fibroids making me sick. Poor things. No really. I’ve had these things for over 20 years. They show up in my art, in the uteri of multiple quilts. They’re my little alien beasts. The doc says I’m really good at making them…there were over a hundred of them. Impressive, eh? And now I’m killing them. Weird to think of it that way.

Anyway. The healing process continues. Too slowly for an impatient person like me. I just want to make art. I don’t do a good job decorating the couch.

On the Couch…

It all started on the couch…well, it’s still on the couch honestly. But Wednesday morning, after I found out my procedure would be Thursday and might knock me out of commission for a week or more, I had a goal. I didn’t REACH that goal, but I tried. I’m still on the couch today…been home since about noon yesterday. I tire easily. I’m in some pain, not a lot, but the meds are also making me tired…especially the Benadryl to counteract whatever I was allergic to in the hospital.

So Wednesday, I finished trimming all the Wonder Under, taking about ten hours total…

It doesn’t look like much, does it? Then I found a plastic bin for each 100 pieces, not an easy feat at the moment…

A lot of them were being used for other things. Kitten was after a bug in one of the bins, but the Wonder Under was also intriguing.

Then she sat right up against the first three bins, pissy that I was taking up space on her light table.

It took about an hour and 40 minutes to sort all the pieces out…

Then I headed to my office and hung up the drawing, and put away some of the fabrics that were piled up in that room (which really needs a serious deep clean…something I was supposed to do this summer)…

I started by putting the first 100 out in order and then began the ironing…

And got a whopping 35 minutes in.

Before I realized I had to be up in like 4 1/2 hours to go to the hospital. Yeah, so that’s where I didn’t meet my goal. I wanted a huge pile of stuff ironed so I could sit here, on the couch, and cut little pieces out. I guess I could do that, but it wouldn’t take very long. I think there’s only about 30 pieces ironed.

What I need now is enough energy to stand and iron fabrics to Wonder Under pieces. And that’s not happening today. In fact, I’m sitting here with my computer on my lap and my eyes are drooping again. Sigh. So I don’t know if I’m getting that burst of energy today.

I’ve been sitting on the couch and watching stuff saved on Tivo and stuff on Netflix, and then I’m sewing some wool bits to other wool bits, nothing fancy, just basic. Because I can’t deal with anything beyond that. Last night, I tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but then didn’t fall asleep until after 4:30 AM. At some point, I finally got up and read a book. An entire book. The Sculptor, by Scott McCloud…

I like the idea of this book, but had some issues with the story. I’m not sure it needed to be as long as it was (and it’s 400 pages long)

I think I need another nap. I don’t WANT another nap. I WANT to be making art.

Note: I put the computer down because my eyes were drooping…it’s now 2 hours later, so I guess I really needed to sleep. I’m hoping tomorrow is better. I know recovery takes time.

Hermiting

Making art is so often a solitary process. Yes, I love having the time off during the summer where I can spend a ton of hours making art (although I feel guilty the entire time for not getting my yard into better shape or finishing the painting of the house or cleaning out the garage or whatever), but it is really isolating at times. I spend hours talking to no one, texting occasionally, with a random phone call NOT from a solar manufacturing company tossed in there for some semblance of sanity. I try to get out and go to the gym or hiking or to meetings with friends, and that helps, but really…I’m spending hours in my head making stuff. I do WANT to be making the stuff. It would just be nicer if there were more people around occasionally. I need to be in an artists’ commune or something. Or not. That would drive me nuts.

So on the 4th of July, as the sun goes down, when most people gather with friends and family, I gathered with my fabric…

Only for a little while though. I did go to fireworks with the kids and their dad, like we do every year. But I got her eyes ironed down in the right place before I went. I always iron them together separately and then make sure they’re placed NOT crooked.

Sunday, I spent most of the day cleaning I think. Or trying to avoid the grocery store. The fridge is all cleared out and totally clean, except for the drawer that only comes out if the door comes off. I think I need to replace the door seals. I don’t know how to do that, but I’m fairly sure I can Google that shit. Maintenance is not my strong point.

But I did finally go back to the ironing. I only had the snake’s eyes to do, and then I needed to iron the whole thing down to the background…

That’s what it looks like when I pull it off the teflon sheet…ready to place on background fabric. I had a brief moment of panic when I thought it was totally the wrong size (I am making this one for a show, so it probably won’t get in, and I don’t care, because it will go somewhere. Sometime.)…

So I obsessively measured it and it’s fine. Not huge, though, which is a good thing, because I think I have to finish it this week. Deep breaths. So that was last night around 9 PM. Or so.

So what next? Start stitching it down? I’m working on this small commission piece, though, and it just seemed easier to put that one together now that the iron was all set up and ready to go…

So I started doing that. This is a smaller version of a section of my Mammogram quilt. This one is the actual size of the original drawing, whereas the quilt was enlarged probably 200-250%. So it’s tiny in some ways…

Yup. Those are some tiny fingernails. I probably could have reduced the detail in those for the size, but I didn’t think that through. But I did get it all ironed down to a background…

It’s straight in real life. Actually, it’s going to wrap around a canvas frame, so I’m leaving extra on the sides for that. Not sure how I’m going to finish it though…need to figure that out.

Then and only then did I start stitching the other one down…

Yes, I looked at the clock. I wasn’t going to finish it last night…just start it.

At least, that’s what I said to myself at the beginning, but then it just got easier and easier to think I should just finish it NOW (here’s how I get into trouble sleepwise)…there’s the back.

Yes I finished the damn thing. Why?

Now I can clean the entryway floor (dogs have been sleeping on it) and then lay this out. I think I even have enough batting for this one. Although I should be watching sales…because I know the next big one will need a chunk of batting and I don’t have anything big enough. Although I haven’t finished DRAWING that one yet (minor issue) and there might be another experimental one in between. PLUS, I’m supposed to be working on those little ones for sale. Got sidetracked again. By art. And yes, I have my own chores for today. Sigh. But I’m going hiking with the boychild (he doesn’t know this yet…in fact, I’m not sure he’s awake. I think he is. He has not shown his face.). But first, clean the floor and lay out the quilt. OK, I should eat too (diabetic). Maybe shower just in case someone comes here (doesn’t happen). Another cup of tea. I do shower every day. I swear. Unwashed artist hermiting in her house. I could do that. I could.

Ironing All Day…

A nice cool breeze wanders in the window. I spent over 7 hours yesterday making art. I was pretty significantly braindead at the end of all that, but I got a lot done. I didn’t get anything else done. Well, I made dinner. I copied some stuff. I picked up some stuff for my parental units. So not NOTHING. Just close to nothing. It’s OK to do that sometimes. Seriously.

I actually started by picking the fabrics for the breast commission…I had my iPad with the original quilt, so I could see if I could get similar fabrics.

‘

Which meant sitting on the floor and going through 5 drawers of flesh fabrics…but I found a range that worked.

I was supposed to be at my quilt meeting about 30 minutes after I got to this stage…I was only about 15 minutes late.

And this is what was underfoot.

The first fabric in the range, I’m down to this much fabric on this print…the long piece and the pile of tiny pieces above it.

I think I had a 1/2 yard to start. Luckily, I didn’t need much. The way I make quilts works well with tiny pieces of fabric for most of it.

Here they are, all ironed down…

And then I went to the meeting and cut them out…

I also started working on some smaller quilts for sale. I have 1 owl, 2 hearts in hand, and 6 cats. One cat is really weird. Can’t seem to not make the weird. They are all numbered and two are traced onto Wonder Under. I did all that because the larger quilt I’m working on is not really portable at the moment.

Then I came home and ironed for a good long time.

Kitten was hiding from Katy. The stuff above was what I got done before I started dinner. Well, except I had already done the head and random hand last night. Each hand has around 27 pieces in it. And they’re tiny. Kinda crazy.

I kept going after dinner…

I did actually converse with humans (albeit related to me) at dinner. OK, I conversed at the quilt thing too. Before that, I went 16 hours with no talking, except to the dogs and cats.

I stopped here, tired, and took a break. I had one part of an arm and another hand to do (you can see the fingers in the bottom right)…

I actually ironed the lungs and heart separately, and then put them on top and made them fit.

Then I had some apple crisp and managed to finish the arm. And that’s where I stopped last night, well after midnight.

There will be a lot of detail added with stitching. There’s just the last head left (and all the crap around it). And I need to iron the legs to the torso. I’m at 7 hours and 15 minutes. Not bad. It’s fussy ironing, tiny pieces, but not particularly hard to do. There’s at least another hour, maybe two in this…and that’s to get it down to the fabric as well.

It’s actually really hard to stop at this stage. But I needed to sleep. And be woken by dogs early and often until one kid took one onto his lap (yes, a dog) and the other finally settled and I put my pillow over my head, which is my signal to Kitten that I really need to sleep and she’s annoying me. And for the first time all summer, I did sleep. A miracle.

Katy really isn’t letting Kitten be Kitten…

That look. She might kill you, Katy. Katy is under the ironing board there. Because that’s not an annoying place to sit.

But no. I need to go to the gym, and there are fireworks tonight, and I might even socialize with people. OK. Person. Let’s not push it people. I don’t count my kids in all that. And I should get some ironing done as well, as I’m waiting for everyone to be wherever it is they want to be. No barbecuing with the family (parents are gone, kids are with their dad…I got them last year), no party, just another Independence Day. Reminds me of the July 4 we spent in Sweden, where no one celebrated with fireworks etc. It was strange. I think it was the first year in my life I hadn’t had all that. We are not hiking to fireworks this year. Maybe next year. I just don’t feel like it. Too tired. I want to sit right under them and hear all the annoying people playing their stupid radios and the crowd getting there and getting back. I want to hear the little kids alternately squealing and screaming, not sure if they’re scared or excited.

Meanwhile, need to get my butt out of here so I can come back and iron. In true independent fashion…

Found My Happy Scissors…

I’m plugging along on the art stuff. Summer is so strange. I don’t have to deal with the stress of students and lesson plans, but the home stress increases because everyone is home all the time or they don’t want to be home and they’re going to complain about having to pay for gas or whatever. And yeah, I made you come back and wash all your dishes. I’m that mean.

Giant ass sigh. I actually got shit yesterday for making art instead of driving someone somewhere. Someone who has a license and doesn’t need me to go to that place. And I wanted to say, you know, your mom actually made some money last year and this year off her art, and she used that to buy food last summer. Did you eat that food? Plus art. Sheesh. It’s the part that keeps me alive sometimes. It’s the part that keeps me going when I don’t get enough from elsewhere. It is the only thing I really truly know I have, the only thing I know I can trust to be there. I no longer listen to that voice from that early professor who had lost it, the ability to come up with new ideas. About how it would someday be gone and I should plan for that. I am older now than he was then. And I have enough drawings in my sketchbooks to make quilts until I’m 172, so I think I’m good. Fuck you for putting that worry in my head. Or thank you, because I’ve fought to make sure it would never happen. Hard to say which.

I know the girlchild knows how important it is. Notionally. And when she gets older, she will understand more. I know she knows it was more important for me to be sorting pieces than to drive her to have her TB test checked. I was there at the physical. I am at as many places as I can be. My job…that’s what she should really be mad at…because it’s sucked up more time than my art ever has. And I’m blowing my job off to fly her to college, even though I know we will probably argue the whole time and I will go back to my hotel room in tears…it’s OK. I know it will be OK.

But right now, today, this week. Not so much.

So I make art. And apple crisp. And tea. And I try to shut down the part of my brain that gets sad.

I finished cutting yesterday…because I found the good scissors…and I labeled them so I could find them easier next time…

And because I couldn’t be in the living room because it was already occupied, I came into my office…

I think the cutting took about 5 1/2 hours. Everything on this quilt is taking about 5 1/2 hours.

I’ve been having to manage the animals though. Because Kitten, that’s where I lay out my pieces, so you can’t sit there.

No really. Even though Katy is staring up at you…

saying to herself, Oh My God, what IS that? Is it tasty? Does it want to play? Katy, the answer to all your questions is No. No, she does not want to be your friend. Kitten. I need that space.

Then I got Calli, and Kitten moved down onto the chair (see the tail?)…

So I could actually start ironing. And when Calli left, Katy took her spot, so I was always walking over a dog.

I started ironing in the afternoon…

And then onto the legs, after a 45-minute-long conversation on what the girlchild should be allowed to do and who was responsible for what. Because honestly, I’m a little tired of being responsible for everything. More than a little tired.

So the legs were not easy to iron. Fussy little shading pieces that overlap in a very specific way…

Plus I had numbered by body, not by logical ironing order. Or maybe I thought it was logical at the time, but it obviously wasn’t. Because it never is.

So I pulled the 200s before the 100s, ironed the bottom of the front leg (front body’s leg), then the top of the back person’s leg, then the top of the front person’s leg, then the top leg, which belongs to the back person. Oh yeah. Follow that?

I almost quit then, even though it was only 10 or so. But then I realized the remaining leg was a piece of cake compared to what I’d just done, so I whipped it out. Four legs…

Very pale without their outline stitching of course. I could have stopped then, but sleep has been difficult lately, falling asleep, so I figured I was better off continuing the work…

Then a patterned head. This is back into the 100s…

Which are almost done. So I think I have about 275 pieces done, close to half. I need to do the whole torso and the hands (the hands are fussy bitches, and there are four of them.). That will take a while. Unfortunately, my quilt class today is taking up the afternoon, and this isn’t really a portable section of the quilt, so it will have to wait until tonight and tomorrow.

I’ve got a brace on my right foot. Rolled my ankle back in April…now I have another list of exercises. Luckily, my podiatrist is a hiker, and besides telling me to spend about $300 on new shoes, he doesn’t want me to stop exercising and hiking, which is awesome, because at one point, I was looking at the shelves of boot casts in the doctor’s office and saying Oh Fuck, Not Again to myself. So I’m relieved. And pleased.

Now I just need to get my butt out of the studio long enough to do those things. It’s hard, because there is so much art to be made. Meanwhile, I have been bidding on editing jobs, but it hasn’t turned into real work yet. Hopefully soon. Meanwhile. It’s not so bad to be making art. Really.

Finishing Up…a Quilt and an Exhibit…

Normally I’m a fan of rain, but not when the thunder associated with it makes the girlchild’s dog want to climb into my lap. Then it just sucks big time. She shut the computer down in the middle of a long post for one of the art groups I’m in. I finally managed to close the door to my office, just to get some peace without her trying to dig a hole in my fabric (she’s a Golden Retriever, not something that is easy to hide in a drawer of fabric, but she does it nonetheless). Her mom (the girlchild) is apparently NOT at the Fair, because it’s raining up there too, and the boychild just lost 4 wisdom teeth, so his patience is worn a bit thin and bloody. Plus it’s humid and muggy, not good for me either. But I’m trying to get all this computer crap out of the way, and then I can come out and sit with Ms. Whinypants, because I really need a Retriever on my lap.

Last night, finally, after a ton of stuff was done, I managed to finish ironing the pieces for the newest quilt…

I told you I would be adding color. It has 49 fabrics and it took about 5 1/2 hours to pick them all.

Pretty fast, actually. That’s because the majority of them were the same fabrics, so I just had to find them all and figure out which of the 6 flesh or 4 bone colors it needed to be, rather than find all new fabrics.

Kitten has appropriated the chair once taken by Babygirl and by Limbo before her.

In fact, she’s sitting there now, curled up against my back. I rarely get to sit in the chair properly. I’m always sharing it.

I did start cutting them out last night, mostly because I had to stay up until the girlchild came home, but also because I’m a night owl…

Although I’m feeling it this morning. Hopefully I’ll get the rest cut out tonight and then move on to ironing. Or maybe I’ll cut out the commissioned breast fabrics. That wouldn’t take long. We’ll see how tired I am. Cutting is fine while tired (I still have all my fingers). Ironing is harder. It requires standing and conscious thought. Always a problem.

I posted for California Fibers about the show opening on Saturday. You can see it all here, on the California Fibers blog. There were a few other artists involved in the show, so I wanted to post about them here.

This is Dani Dodge’s Sutured Jane with her video The Weight of Fabric playing on top of it.

I met Dani and had a conversation with her after we accidentally photographed each other in this panoramic…

She’s holding up the camera in the right middle…you can see how crowded the gallery was.

And here’s another view from more in the middle…of the gallery, not Dani.

Sandra Lauterbach was there with 6 pieces…yes, I know there are only 5 in this photo. I’m not sure where the 6th was.

Here’s a view from the stairs in the back, where more pieces were hiding…notably, Camilla Taylor’s We Waited, 4 figures total.

Here you can see three of them and her piece on the right, Feign.

I was more than a little fascinated with their construction…

listed as fabric, welded steel, paper pulp infrastructure. The stitcher in me wants to know HOW.

Terri Hartman’s work continued down the stairs with her Melancholy Sideshow…

Her Bullseye pieces…

In different sizes going up the stairs…

And her highly amusing My Family Tree…

consisting of descriptions of people we ALL want in our family…

Sold separately!

Seriously. I know these people.

And her Altered Definitions…

Lastly was a room with an installation, photographs, and video by Marisa Caichiolo…No More Blood in Your Clothes…

As you can see here…

The requisite picture of the harried artist, finally in front of her art (which was in a good place, right in front of the wine station)…

This guy matched the quilt…

Anyway, it was a good exhibit opening, which was nice, considering the drive. I would love to go back and peruse the hardware store as well…

Walls and walls of fun stuff. Now on to the next exhibit…although, honestly, I’m not sure I have one coming up with a local opening (or even one within a 3-hour drive), so it might be a while before I get to have those types of photos again. All the more reason to enjoy this one.