And if I Was Stronger…*

There are people who probably exit a 3-day weekend with a sense of relaxation and repose. I am not one of them. I am pleased with what I got done, but wish (always) it was more. Wish I could move time a bit. Although if I could move it a bit, I’d probably move it a lot, and then it would always be Spring Break…not Winter Break, because Christmas and all the holiday stuff is hellish. Not Summer Break, because it’s too hot here. Yesterday was delightful. I had to put a sweater on at one point. It was the precursor to Fall, except here that’s a joke because our summers come in September and October, so the hot hell just hasn’t hit yet. But I enjoyed it while it was here. Not by going outside, unfortunately…I did work all weekend. I wish now that I had hiked a bit.

Mostly I ironed…I got the bottom part of the three larger torsos done and in the boat, with the cat and the smaller figure in front. It’s hard to tell them apart at this point…but the quilting and inking will help with that.

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In fact, the overlapping figures makes this a pain to iron as well. I originally numbered the front figure first, and then back…and it would have made more sense to do the back one first. What I’m doing is ironing from multiple numbered bins as I go, filling in from the back to the front. This makes it hard to know how much I have done.

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The front figure is the smallest, but has the most visible detail.

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And the arms aren’t making it easy either. I don’t really think about ease of MAKING while I’m drawing. I just count on my ability to figure it out. So in this section, I finished the 400s, did most of the 500s, but also have 600s, 700s, and 800s scattered around in there..

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I like to know how much I have done…it helps me figure out how much there is left. Not happening with this one.

I had to iron the face separately, because I couldn’t see all the parts well enough in the middle of all those other pieces. The teeth were the main issue.

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Then once the front figure was done, I started in on the one behind her.

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Yeah, she looks scared. But I don’t think it’s because of him. I think he’s trying to help. She’s just not getting any real comfort out of that. I’m gonna have a lot of fun trying to explain this one. Yup. Another dream.

Anyway, so I’m into the 600s now, but almost done with them…just his head, I think. Then I’ve already done some of the 700s. So I know I’m more than halfway through, which is good, because I’m over 10 hours in (in two days) and I want this thing ironed down to the background this week. And stitched down by the end of the weekend. In fact, it would be ideal if this were a quilt sandwich by next Monday. Is that possible? Well, of course it is. Although life always ALWAYS gets in the way. The question is, how badly? We shall see. I set goals, people, so I can break them or make them. If I don’t set them, the work doesn’t happen.

The girlchild posted this over the weekend. The boychild and I are pointing out the three peaks…Cuyamaca, Middle, and Stonewall. This is from the Sunset Trail hike in the Lagunas this summer, the one that apparently almost killed the girlchild. The one where I remembered I need to carry chocolate…really GOOD chocolate…on every hike with her.

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I did a lot of this over the last two days. He needs it. It’s blurry because he never stops moving except when he’s asleep.

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And I graded a bunch…although only one long torturous assignment. Midnight was absolutely no help.

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And the laundry had this lone sock. Not mine. Boychild says it doesn’t help, although it is his.

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This is kind of my life right now. The one left-behind sock. Yeah, the long weekends are hard. I don’t have time to go out and socialize, but my head doesn’t do well with all the alone time. I had a shitload of work to do, so I was busy, but not busy enough. It is what it is. And now it’s the “work” week. Because I don’t work all the time. Amusing.

*Ingrid Michaelson, Sort of

Sweet Freedom Whispered in My Ear*

So I didn’t get as far Saturday as I wanted to. Shit happens. Basically whatever I SAY I’m going to get done on a Saturday is never going to happen. I suck at Saturdays. But I did get all the pieces sorted into bins…by 100s. It makes it easier to deal with a 1200-piece quilt.

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There’s about 140 pieces of rock in the bottom section.

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So I did that yesterday afternoon. Ironed them all together…

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It’s very calming and relaxing to do this part, the ironing. Enough of my brain is engaged in the process that everything else just sort of wanders away. Plus the quilt finally shows up, the image finally comes together.

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I finished the rocks before I went to my parents’ for dinner, and then came back and kept going. Were there other things I needed to be doing? Well yeah, there were. Thanks for reminding me. I’m a little panicked about all that right now.

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Then I went up one side…

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And the other. These sections are pretty easy to iron: big pieces, not a lot of detail. They go together quickly.

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The rest of the quilt will not be so easy, unfortunately. From here on out there are a lot of overlapping body parts.

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But the cat and the boy…they’re not so bad.

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See, here’s where it gets wiggy. The boat is in there too. There are four figures all behind each other. So I’m starting with the ones in front…because that’s how I numbered it. Now I’m wondering if that was the most logical way to do it…but it’s what I did, so I’ll just keep going.

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So the original drawing is behind the teflon sheet, and I iron right on there, using it as a pattern. All the pieces have Wonder Under on them, so they stick pretty good. They seem to stick better when I accidentally iron something in the wrong place. I don’t know why that is. Anyway, I got about halfway through the 400s. I’m hoping to do more today, but I do have to do some other stuff too. Cleaning and schoolwork and some stuff for an art group I’m in. So I can’t do what I want, which is start ironing now, briefly stop for some meals, and iron until it’s done. Oh well. That’s what being an artist is like, really. Fit it in around the job that pays the bills. Put off cleaning the floors. Don’t just sit on the couch watching TV. It takes willpower to do that. And I guess I have plenty of that.

So Abby Glassenberg (who interviewed me for her article on AQS’s bad social media decisions) did a podcast with Maddie Kertay (who is currently showing my two banned quilts in her store Spool in Chattanooga, Tennessee). The podcast is here.

My two quilts are hanging at Spool right now…

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This is kind of exciting…I mean, I’m glad to see them again. It’s been a while. And um. Well. Fuck you AQS. Really. And thank you Maddie and all the other people who are supporting this craziness. The GOOD crazy. The support for the quilts. The work. The art. The artist.

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I appreciate it. So stop by and see them, buy some fabric, and maybe pick up some of these…

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Because they’re awesome. Maybe take a photo with the pin or the quilts (Melly Testa’s quilt will be there too! And it has a penis in it!) and hashtag it…I don’t know what? #wheresthepenis? The AQS show is in a week and a half. We have time to figure that shit out.

Saw this while going to art exhibits Saturday night. The lefthand side is the shadow…

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OK. I need to eat something and then get to work, so I can iron later. Make more work.

*Elton John, Someone Saved My Life Tonight

It’s Been a Hard Day’s Night*

So there’s this three-day weekend, and all us teachers sit around and joke about how we always lose this weekend to work. We don’t do anything exciting. We don’t even WANT to do anything exciting, because we’re two weeks into the school year, and we need a recovery day. Honestly, I need a full day just to catch up on schoolwork. Because you forget how sometimes you have to force yourself to grade some assignments. You forget how much TIME…your personal time…goes to this job.

And then I am still trying to adjust to cooking just for myself again. I get tired of it. If it’s a day I know I’m hiking with the dogs or going to the gym, I have to assume there will be very little cooking when I get home, or if I know I have a meeting, same deal…so I have to cook in advance. Sometimes I get lazy and think, “Oh, it’ll be OK if I eat the same thing every meal for the whole week.” Well. It’s not. Funnily, this week, one of the three meals I cooked (one breakfast, one lunch, and one dinner) was causing some digestive issues by the end of the week. But I couldn’t tell which meal it was…so I really should have just tossed all of them. I mean, I am a science teacher, so I could conduct an experiment where I remove one meal from each daily rotation until I figure out which one it was, but I probably would have run out of food by then. So you know…I just bullied through…and reminded myself to cook more meals during the week next time. I really don’t like eating the same thing every day. And where some people might give up on a Friday and go out, I was too tired. So I ate leftovers. I think I officially have no edible leftovers as of today. That’s probably a good thing.

So a three-day weekend with nothing but stale bread and cheese. And whatever is in the freezer. Sounds good. (It’s really not that bad. I have an artichoke and two kiwis. And an old peach.)

The really really amazingly good and miraculous news is that I finally finished cutting out all those damn pieces! Whoo! Yes, I stayed up past midnight. It was 16 1/2 hours in the end…

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And it looks like nothing. Seriously. All 1200 pieces fit in a shoebox-sized plastic box. I’m hoping to get a significant chunk of it ironed this weekend, finish during the week, stitch down started by next weekend.

OK. That’s a little crazy, but I’m running out of time. I keep saying that like it’s gonna change something. I guess the good thing is that all my calendars just went to September, so I can see the span of time clearly. If I look back through past quilts, I don’t see any that are equivalent in time at the moment. But I would guess at least 13 hours to iron. Really? I can do that this weekend, right? I still need to sort the pieces though. So I should aim for about 3 hours today. Because I have this shit to deal with too…

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That’s three assignments. I have fewer students (knock on wood) this year, although I can tell the behaviors are a bit more challenging. And they got their Chromebooks this week, so then a bunch of this goes online, which just means I can’t see how big the pile is. I’m not sure that helps. Certain things take more fortitude to grade, though, like essays. So I made it through two classes yesterday (well, I had taken all week in class and prep trying to get through one. I really just needed to force myself to sit and read them. I would have been a lousy English teacher.). I plan to do one class a day, so as not to strain my brain. The good ones are easy…the ones that some of my language learners write? Oh. My. OK. Now I know why writing has been so hard to get them to do this week. But how do we get better? We practice. Which then I have to read. I love that the training we sat through talked about giving them complex texts…because I don’t think they can access those. But whatever.

Puppy. Sigh. I took him for a 2 1/2 mile hike, then played Pull on the Toy and Throw It When I Can Get It Away from Him for about 45 minutes. But he still wanted to bring his toy and put it in my face.

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My new thing is to put the pillow between me and him…so I can get a break. Eventually he calms down, but still wants to be in my lap. So I cut pieces out with him perched on my leg. Poor puppy is missing the kids. I know he doesn’t understand I’m tired on Friday nights. We’ll figure it out.

Anyway, I’m working on the weekend post-it note, and it’s not too bad looking, if you forget that most of the things on there are multiple hours of work. Yeah. A day off. My ass. I’m glad to have the time to iron and just wish the schoolwork was less of the work time.

*The Beatles, A Hard Day’s Night

My Brain and Tongue Just Met

Definitely a Friday tired feeling. I even went to bed early last night. I know! Before midnight even. It’s like the world is ending. But really it was just to make up for the huge lack of sleep the night before. If any raccoons were on my roof last night or if my neighbors were moving all their vehicles into my bedroom, I did not hear it last night. I was asleep quickly and mostly stayed that way. Well, until 5 AM? Don’t you hate that…you’ve got another hour or so, but then your brain starts to rehash all the shit you need to get done, and you’re like, NOOOO, you must sleep that hour, but the brain is seeing the hints of daylight and hearing the dogs fuss. Yeah. My brain is not helpful.

I did take my scissors and accoutrements to the stitching meeting, which is good, because when I came home, between being tired and Simba launching himself at me with toys (I did play with him for a good long time before I started), I only got an hour in. So much for my thinking I’d be done last night. Ha! Three hours in last night, and I still have a lot to do. It’s deceptive. You don’t think about how hard cutting around a bunch of rocks might be. But it’s time-consuming. Waves are much easier to cut. I have all the waves and hills and mountains to do…plus a bunch of little rocks. Probably there’s only a couple hundred pieces left to cut…but they are not the easiest pieces…you can see how empty the box is though.

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SO CLOSE. So tonight I’m going to sit here and watch TV and finish. Here’s what’s done so far.

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At least I have a 3-day weekend. It’s a post-it weekend though. A weekend when I have so many things to do that I need a paper reminder. My desk in front of my keyboard often has 4 or 5 post-its sitting there, trying to force me to do stuff, until I get annoyed with them being under my arms. One of my important post-its, the one with all the art deadlines on it, got partially eaten by the puppy. It’s OK. I wrote it on the door (on a whiteboard thing), but honestly, I barely look at the door, so I should stick to the stickies (ha ha). I have 3 attached to my monitor, but they all remind me of how to do or access things on the computer that I can’t remember how to do without help. As I get older, this will get worse, I’m sure. It has to be in front of my face for me to see it. Reminders on the phone have to be timed just right, or I’ll ignore them…or not even see them.

I’ve been getting a lot of peer pressure (which you might notice I’m ignoring) to do a penis quilt…at some point, I had this post-it started…

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The numbers are for something else. I think. Really, I don’t work like this. I sit down with my sketchbook and I draw. But now you kinda know how my brain works. I have 5 bathtub drawings, with two having been made into quilts already. I’m not sure I want to (or need to) go there. But I wrote it down. I also have a list on my phone, which is where these will get transferred eventually. But probably will never come to anything.

So things for this weekend include some cleaning, some errands, the basic laundry and groceries that happen every weekend, plus grading at least two assignments, lesson planning, updating the website, and maybe sleep. Possibly an art opening or two. But what I really want to do…starting to iron this quilt together. Maybe doing all of it in one day (I suspect it will take more than a day)…I just want to be in here with all those pieces and an iron and my brain…yeah.

Midnight agrees.

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I need to be able to walk away from the school stuff a little. We’re two weeks in and this first month is always too much, so I need to find the balance and stick with it.

I forgot. Yesterday a woman from this official state group who comes every year to make sure we have enough textbooks for our kids was in our room. I’m a little irritated (or as my daughter says, salty) about this, because I know they don’t go to the “richer” schools. And they’re only supposed to check 20% of the classrooms, and they always come to mine. Last year, I got busted for having hand sanitizer not locked up. It was the stuff the district gave me. It was in a cupboard, but it says it’s not safe for kids (because they might drink it), and I was like…um…sure, these are 12-year-olds and sometimes they make really dumb decisions, but drinking hand sanitizer IN CLASS WHILE I’M HERE has not been one of them. So this year, every god damned fucking thing they might fuss about was locked up, including the pinto beans, because they might put them in an orifice. And you know what she did? Besides checking every faucet (safety issue?)? Came up and asked me if all my lights were on, or was it always dim in here.

I took some significantly deep breaths. Because she just came in from outside and it does seem dim in here when you come in from outside. But uber brightness isn’t a great thing in a classroom either. I also did not say to her (although I thought it), “You’re dim.” Because this law…I understand why it exists. I know there are assholes in education who don’t give us books…in fact, at the moment, the entire fucking state of California does not have a relevant science curriculum, because the damn state hasn’t adopted one, even though we have to teach to the new standards. So I almost told her all that, but instead, I used my superpowers of momhood to (probably quite scarily) smile at her and say, “No, they’re all on.” Rolled my eyes though. I love bureaucracy. I wish we could trust people to just provide the stuff they’re supposed to in schools so this shit wasn’t necessary.

But yeah. You can see why I need to come home and just make art and not think about work.

*Regina Spektor, The Consequence of Sounds

Each Morning I Get Up, I Die a Little*

I’m sort of braindead. It’s true I went to bed a tad late, mostly because I was cutting out tiny pieces of fabric and I wanted to finish all the flesh pieces, so I would know I only had about 300 pieces left, so I kept cutting. Plus I wasn’t tired. At all. Unlike this morning. So it was a late start in sleeping, and falling asleep was an issue as well. But then Simba was Mr. Barkypants last night. Someone was outside moving cars or something at 2:30 AM and then a raccoon was dancing on my roof at 4 or so. So I’m sure I slept, because I had 700 dreams of large cats (like lionesses) all around the house, stalking me, stalking the dogs and cats, and I kept trying to get good photos of them to prove it to all of y’all, but the damn things were sneaky fuckers and kept fading back into the shadows just as the phone clicked the photo. Plus I kept having to grab Simba, because he wanted to attack the big cats and they would have eaten him. I have a lot of those rescue-type dreams where I’m essentially failing at it. That’s part of what that big penis-free quilt is about. But AQS doesn’t want to hear that part.

It’s unfortunate that I didn’t have enough sleep, because I think I have to teach metric conversions today (I almost wrote conversations…that would be hard. A metric conversation?) and that takes voice and brain power. I’m a fan of metrics for measuring things, mostly, but some part of me really likes that we Americans stuck with a bizarre measuring system that includes the length of some king’s arm or foot or thumb, or whatever the fuck it was. I mean, I can’t be the only ~~fabric hoarder~~ um quilter who uses the fingertip-to-nose measurement for yards? I mean, I guess I could measure how many centimeters or meters it is from fingers to nose, but then I’d have to remember that, and being raised in the US means we don’t even realize metric is a thing. Until we have to convert its ass. And then…confusion. Because what the hell is 2/5 of a cup. Impossible to fucking measure, let me tell you. Why do I know this? Girlchild cooks. Her dad is a Brit. Hence we have British recipes. I convert better than she does…and honestly, I write the conversions in Sharpie marker on those British recipes. Because I can’t think that hard every day.

Unsleep mental wanderings.

Yup. Still cutting shit out. Over 11 hours of cutting shit out right now. And I don’t think I’m going to finish tonight. Dammit. Sigh. Puppy. Speaking of dammit. He was relatively well-behaved last night. The night before, he stuck his head in the pile of cut-out pieces and tried to run off with them. He also grabs fabric. I’ve never had a dog go after my fabric before. Cats sit on it, occasionally vomit on it, but no dog action. I think he’s jealous of the fabric. It gets more attention than he does.

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I did manage to do all the flesh pieces. The cut-out box on the right is almost full.

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This is all that’s left…the ocean and that one kid with the fish (OK, a little more flesh) and the sand, hills, and mountains. A sun and a cloud and a lightning bolt.

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I have my sewing meeting tonight. It’s in a Barnes & Noble coffee space (it’s not a shop). It would be hard to bring this with me, but I think I’m going to anyway. Because I fucking need to be done with the cutting out of pieces. So I can sort and start ironing. Plus I need to iron that baby owl down. I have the background for that. Three-day weekend coming. Coloring book needs to get done too. UGH.

See…OK, actually, it looks like a lot in this view. I shouldn’t have looked at that. Dammit. It’s OK. I can do this. The hand is sore today, but only a little, and I did lift weights at the gym yesterday, so that might be part of it.

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See I was playing with him…he was resting.

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Little psycho.

I have to play music in the morning (a) to wake myself up, (b) to distract the parts of my brain that miss my children in the morning, and (c) to drown out my neighbor on the phone on the slope above me. SHHHH. It’s morning. No talking. I really am not a morning person.

*Queen, Somebody to Love (this is actually a good waking-up song…just inspirational and sing-along enough to perk my brain up. Not as much as highly caffeinated tea will, but it’s a help.)

I Look at the Floor and I See It Needs Sweeping*

Oh bless the world, after a long summer of no official teacher paycheck, of scrambling to make sure the mortgage payment was in the right place, of wondering if I should buy this or that because no pay…today, today is the glorious day when not only do I finally get paid, the first time since June, but also when I turn around and give a significantly larger chunk to the two colleges where I sent my kids off to be official and get jobs. Oh wait. College doesn’t do that any more (well hell, it didn’t do it for me either. Art degree. Comparative Literature degree. Not so marketable.). I’m always told to have high expectations, though, so I do expect them to get jobs and not move home to live for the next 10 years of unemployment. High expectations follow in my school, so even if a kid doesn’t read in any language at all, I should be giving them complex text so they can make meaning out of it (someone needs to explain that gigantic gap to me. I’m sure it’s magical. That was this week’s training.). My teacher cynicism is showing. Sorry. I spent too much time being a teacher brain yesterday. A year with no state curriculum but new standards makes teachers a little cranky. Like, I can DO this, but when can I do anything else? Like clean my floors (need to do that) or have some sort of life outside school (it’s questionable that I do that). But I got paid! Well, it’s still pending. So hold your breath that it posts.

Enough. I will have to spend all day persuading kids that writing is part of science. And they can DO IT. It’s OK. I do the impossible a lot.

And in free moments, I dream of working on quilts. I come home and do chores and deal with dogs and cats and sometimes have a meeting or go on a hike or go to the gym, and then I find time to make. Every day. Well. Almost every day. Last night was one of those nights when my brain wandered into depressoland. Whatever, brain. We’ve been there before. Ignore. Distract. Cut shit out. That’s what I need to do right now. Get this quilt done.

That’s hard to do when you only have 2 or 3 hours a night. But it’s happening…last night, my biggest issue was with the two animals that wanted to be close, on me, licking me, biting me, playing with me. I had already sat on the floor for a good long throwing-ball session, but it was not enough. Midnight eventually settled down next to me, but kept trying to lick the cutting hand. Not a good plan.

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And I kept flipping through new Netflix shows, trying to find something I cared about. Eh is all I’m getting at the moment. Oh well. I’ll keep trying.

I did finally get well into the flesh fabrics. So the left side is cut, the right is trash. I don’t throw any of the trash away until the quilt is ironed together. You never know what you’ll accidentally have tossed into the trash…plus if I lose some tiny piece, there’s a good chance I have a small piece of it in that box. I also don’t put the fabrics I used away until the quilt is ironed together, in case I need to recut a bigger piece. You never know.

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This is the side of the box of stuff that still needs cutting. Yeah. It’s still a lot, but once I get through all the flesh, there’s only about 300 pieces left (ONLY…laughing at that).

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I wish I could finish tonight, but I doubt it. So I’m hoping to finish cutting Thursday AND sort them all. So I can iron Friday night. Might be tough, but it’s a goal, and as long as I keep setting goals, I’m moving in the right direction. There’s a three-day weekend coming, and it’s full of shit I gotta do. Those damn floors, plus a feminist coloring book, and this quilt. Plus have a life. Just a little one. OK, straight up, these quilts, my art, are a huge part of my life. I remember the amount of art I used to make when I was first married, before I had kids, and when I had a job I didn’t have to take home with me every night…I think I make more art now. I even had a studio then, and I would go there after work…but now my house is the studio and so it’s everywhere. It makes it easy to just make…especially if my other choice is cleaning a floor or crappy TV.

When the kids were little, it was harder to make art, but I hit some barrier, slammed right through it a few years back. I used to wait for school breaks to work on quilts, but now I just do it all the time. It probably helps that the kids are away at college, but I was powering through before they left.

This is some kind of obsession, sure. I can’t even truly say it’s healthy, but I can say that I don’t mind it. I wonder what it’s like to come home from work and just watch television, to do nothing else. I love making art. I love how it makes me feel. I love sending work off to be shown (well, most of the time…I don’t love the crazy shit that sometimes happens when I send it off and people get upset that I drew parts. That part I could do without. Which reminds me, another interesting article on how AQS handled me…or the issue…badly. Apparently social media is not their super power.).

So it’s good. There should be more of it.

Simba in a rare quiet moment, after boisterously cleaning Midnight’s ears. I think she’s licking his chest here. It didn’t last long.

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Work. Then the real work.

*The Beatles, While My Guitar Gently Weeps (No really. This song came on while I was typing. The universe is in tune with me.)

Now This Is Apparently My First Life as a Woman…*

So I realize that showing you piles of cut-up pieces and the trash resulting from the cutting is very exciting, and you, like I, can see the subtle difference in the size of the pile from yesterday to today and that interests you as much as it does me. Uh huh.

But that’s what I’m doing. Coming home. Walking two dogs that were very enthusiastic about walking until we actually started doing it, and then were very eager when we finally turned around to head back to the car. So eager at that point that they forced me to run. The car! The car! Where is it!

Yeah. The excitement was palpable. (A thesaurus was used in this post. I originally had the word excited or some variation of it at least 10 times. It’s early. My brain not so worky.)

After dinner, I got to sit and be repeatedly attacked by a puppy who apparently didn’t get tired from the hike. After significant interaction with said puppy, I was allowed to cut things out for a significant number of minutes. Seriously, I’m at about 5 1/2 hours. Honestly, I don’t know how close I am to done. Not much in closeness, I think. The to-do pile is still hugeish…

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But I’m down into the hair, which is right before the fleshy bits…so I’m getting there. Wherever there is. I suspect I’ve got at least another two nights of doing this. The hand is sore today, but not too bad. I’m going to run out of things I know I want to watch though. Or maybe I should look more closely.

Pile of stuff that’s cut is on the left. The box with the trimmed bits, which the puppy at some point head-butted into the air and all over the couch, is on the right. That too was ~~exciting~~ stimulating.

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It was an ~~exciting~~ tumultuous night. Really. It was. I’d like to be ironing this together before the weekend. I don’t know if I can actually pull that off, but if I keep staring at the calendar and panicking, maybe I can make the days longer just by the force of my own will.

I’m trying anyway.

I used to make clothes and other household items, but they’re pretty boring. I’d rather do what I do.

*Laurie Anderson, Oujia Board

I Slipped Away*

Every Sunday, I make a list of all the stuff that needs to be done to get me through the week: lunches, dinners, sometimes even breakfasts when I feel like I need control of that (this week? Yup.). Then there’s the stuff I have to prep for school: update the website, send out a parent email (those haven’t started yet), prep for the week, write warmups etc. I grade papers. Yesterday I even set up the gradebook, because that’s a thing. I grocery shop and run errands if I need to. Laundry. And then, sometime usually after dinner, I get to do what I want. It depends on how efficient I was during the rest of the day. Certainly I woke up yesterday with all of it weighing on me, and then I tried to book through as much of it as possible. I’m sure I forgot something, though.

But I did get to the cutting stage last night. I had to tire the puppy out first, so he wouldn’t try to help…

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I threw all the balls for him for a long time.

All the stuff I’d ironed last, all the tiny stuff in the brain cloud above her head, had to be cut out first. I don’t even cut out the tiniest of them, not until I’m ready to iron. But they were all small anyway.

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Doesn’t look like much, but it was about 150 pieces.

It got easier after that, bigger pieces that didn’t require tiny scissors…then medium-sized pieces that are the meat of the thing.

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I got through a good chunk of them, almost 3 hours of cutting, and surprisingly, my hand doesn’t hurt today. But there’s still a ton left. I didn’t even get to the flesh pieces. They’re all piled in the box in backwards order of when I ironed them. So all those inner body pieces, the hearts and lungs, that’s what I’m cutting out now. I’m always amazed that I can look at a little piece as I’m cutting it and know what it is…because they don’t really usually look like anything. But I drew that piece. And then I traced that piece. And then I cut it out of Wonder Under and ironed it to fabric, and now I’m cutting it out again. Somewhere my brain has an inventory of all those pieces, and it knows what each one is. Which explains why I can’t remember anything else some days.

I keep staring at the calendar and then the due dates, and getting a little hyperventilaty. No, that’s not a word. But it should be.

I think I can finish it, but I’m not sure. And there are two standing right on top of it when I finish.

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I didn’t mean to have so many due dates on top of each other. I’ve already ditched another one and revised one of the ones I can’t ditch. But that one got doubled up when I wasn’t looking. Long story. A collaboration I need to get started on…and then one I’m going to simplify…which is what this pre-drawing is for.

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I’m going to draw it bigger, but then I think I’m going to be taking some short cuts. Using a real sheet. Not quilting it maybe. I can quilt it later, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be quilted for this show. I need an old sheet first though. Thrift shop. No pattern, solid color, gray, blue, green, but muted. I think.

Anyway. The brain is working on it. The rest of the brain needs to get to school and figure out the teaching part. Which includes a 2-hour staff meeting after school. I wish they’d figure out that the second hour is a waste of time, because we are all completely checked out. I guess I can grade stuff. Then maybe I won’t have to do that tonight at home. Plan.

*Boston, More Than a Feeling (I never knew the words to this one…always thought it was “I see my derriere walking away.” Which makes no fucking sense, I know. But whatever.)

Pouring Down All Over Me

Finally was able to name this one…

Art Quilts and Fiber Arts

I’ve been calling her Earth Mother 2016 since I started her in April. I knew I wanted to do another Earth Mother. I’ve done a few over the years. Well, more than a few. So I named it Holding It All In…because that’s what it felt like. Usually titles are much easier than this. It took me over two weeks after finishing it. Most quilts name themselves during the drawing stage or as I’m working on it. I listened to a bunch of music, looked up quotes about earth mothers and nature and the planet. I wrote down some stuff to try to stimulate my brain. Finally I just put the picture up on the screen and stared at it, let my brain wander around with the image. Took about 10 minutes. Kinda funny. Because otherwise she was gonna be Yet Another Earth Mother and that’s a shitty title.

The one I’m working on right now already has so many titles. I will have to choose.

I didn’t get anything done last night. Sometimes that happens. It’s OK. I make art almost every day. Sometimes my brain is on another quest. I’m going to finish the fabric choosing today. As soon as I get back from picking a background for the owl. I need to get ready to leave honestly.

I came back last night to Kitten in the damn fabric box again. My fault for not covering it. She was not happy when I did that. Sigh. Because there aren’t other boxes filled with fabric that cats have sat on in here? I can point her to another one that three other cats have sat in besides her. But she doesn’t want THAT one.

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I sent one dog to her dad’s to play. Two is easier, but only slightly.

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OK. More accomplishment of art stuff will happen while you’re not watching.

*Peter Gabriel, Red Rain

Tell Me Why It’s So*

Hey. First Friday of the school year. I’ve almost survived the first week. It’s gonna be a challenging year. Which is why I’ve come home every single day and launched myself into artmaking as soon as I could. I’ve walked dogs and gone to the gym and done some ball throwing and general lying on the floor so dogs could check in, but mostly, I’ve come home and made art. Luckily there’s been food in the fridge, so I haven’t had to do a lot of cooking.

And some time Wednesday night, my brain released most of the crap about AQS and their statement (I had already released the censorship part…it’s just irritating stupid crap that I will keep running into as long as I make the art that’s in my head). I’m in serious Fuck You mode on all of it now. I briefly considered making a quilt of a certain AQS high muckymuck with a penis coming out of her head, and then I grew up and continued on.

OK. I still have that image in my head, but I don’t have to make that quilt. Honestly, I don’t have time. And I don’t care enough about it to do that. I have a million other deadlines I’m dealing with right now, and I want those quilts NOT to be reactions to this, although the censorship angle…it works for a show I’m hoping to be in next Spring. So maybe that’s where I go. I was going that direction anyway. Honestly, so much of my work is feminist and/or based on women’s lives and experiences, that all this focus on a penis that was never there is kind of a slap in the feminist face. Or a highly amusing, ironic event that got my work some eyeballs they otherwise wouldn’t have gotten. So there we are. Come for the imaginary penis! Stay for the real art!

This is how I keep my head straight. Well, as straight as it ever is.

Yeah, I saw SAQA’s statement. I saw it ahead of time. I honestly think they are trying to make all this work. I really really don’t want them to pull the whole exhibit because of this. And I am still concerned, because I think my work will still be an issue…and I know that because it’s pretty recognizable, there are probably jurors who will see it and think, um, do I want a Nida quilt in this show? And they’ll decide no. But they probably would have said no anyway. So thanks to the jurors who say yes. And I’m OK with the jurors who say no because it doesn’t fit. Because that happens. But yeah, the gut is still concerned. The brain has a tiny bit that worries all the time. Well. A not-so-tiny bit. I’ve told it to shut up and have a margarita and get back to me when it wants to worry about real shit, like paying for college.

I do exhibit in art shows too…but that’s a challenge as well. So. I guess I’m up for some more challenges. Bring it.

If it seems like I’m ironing all the time at the moment, it’s because I am. I have not organized this for two days. Wait. That’s not true. I organized it right before I started ironing because I couldn’t find anything.

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And it’s messy again. That’s my real issue with cleaning.

Kitten sat in the box and squished all the pieces down. I kicked her out, turned around, and she was back in it. Sigh. So it looks like less than yesterday, but I did all that detail stuff…hearts and veins and tattoos and lungs and hair and I don’t even know what else. A knife.

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I still have a rocket to do (they keep showing up in the last few quilts)…and the top part of the main figure’s face, because it’s not flesh colored. And then the clouds and everything (fucking tiny pieces) in them. So I realized this morning I really only have about 150 pieces left. I can do that. Not right now. Even though I’m already exhausted. And it’s morning and I have to get through a Friday with 140 7th graders on their first real lab day. Yeah. I’ll be FRESH when I get home. And after I go hang out with gamer buddies and maybe play games. Uh huh. No really. I usually do work on Friday nights too.

It’s a big quilt. Not as big as the last one. Taller than I am. Not that that means much.

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My students make cover pages for each science unit, and I always do one too. The girlchild says this is weirder than usual. The snake happened because I had this empty space and the kids said, “you’ve been talking about snakes getting loose all week…where’s your snake?” So I drew one. But he was up in the air, so he needed wings. And then he was too fat in the middle, so he must have just eaten. Probably shouldn’t fly so soon after eating.

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I kept calling the mad scientist female, and they were convinced it was a man. Oh my. Well we will have to change some of that shit this year. Yes children. Girls SCIENCE. That’s why she has pink pants. Because I would never wear pink pants, but in their minds, a male never would either, so they HAVE TO SEE HER as a woman. And I didn’t even give her boobs and a uterus. Ha! Yes. I think that hard about what I teach and how I teach it.

So today, we will science. And hopefully I will have more patience than yesterday.

The dogs aren’t helping. This is a brief moment of quiet truce. Otherwise it’s been chaos.

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I love making art. I love drawing. I love picking fabrics. I love ironing it all together and seeing the image appear. I love adding the stitching line and waiting for the official photographs. I love coming home almost every night and coming in here to iron or sew, or sitting on the couch with a pile of pieces that need to be cut out or with a binding that needs sewing. That’s the shit I need to remember. I love all that more than I love mailing it off for a show. Really. I do.

Thanks again for all the comments. I’m buried and overwhelmed with trying to answer all of them, but know that I’ve seen them. And they mean something to me.

*Tom Waits, Tell Me