Feeling Off

I’ve taken myself to bed early (for me, of course…normals have gone to bed hours before me). I’m feeling off, kind of an ironic term, because I’ve felt off for quite a few days, weeks, months now. But something’s wrong. I’m freezing, have the chills. No fever or other symptoms but general falling-asleepness. Best to try to get some more rest.

Ah, but the heater just went on. That means the house has dipped below the 66-degree mark. Maybe chills are quite reasonable. Whatever. I’m here now, still freezing. The bed is not welcoming tonight…it is cold and the sheets need washing.

Eyeball dissection tomorrow. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I always hated that phrase, like it gives people permission to treat you badly…you’re strong…you’ll be fine. My personal strength does not give you permission to treat me badly. I will remember that tomorrow during eyeball dissection.

I’m having a crisis of art thought at the moment. With no obviously looming deadlines, I can’t seem to focus. The forgetfulness continues…left the water bottle in the car at the gym. Who knows what else I’ve forgotten? No one is helping me keep track. How will I know if I’ve forgotten it? Will it send me a petulant email, or will it just show up on my doorstep, lip lifting reproachfully, disapproving?

Maybe I’ll write more coherently in the morning. Maybe I’ll do my taxes instead. Hard to say…at the moment I am still shivering too hard to decide.