I don’t sleep much, but when I do, I dream quilts. I dream the drawings, the tracing, the ironing, the piles of Wonder Under, the fabric, the quilting. I dream of it finished, although I can’t quite see what it looks like. I dream parts of the drawings, but they don’t coalesce in the dream. The drawing turns away as I try to get a full view of it.
My brain is playing tricks on me.
I’m 4 inches away from finishing the current quilt. It will be done tonight. I do have three others that are pinbasted that need quilting, but I think my machine needs a cleaning, so I’m considering taking it in and forcing myself to draw the Earth Stories (and 17 other) quilt(s). They’re in my head. They’re right there. I can see the Sharpie lines on paper, I can see myself taking the drawings in to be copied and taping them together. I see myself numbering the pieces and pulling the cover off the light table (first I need to put away all the crap that’s on top of it). I see myself over Spring Break ironing the pieces to Wonder Under and getting that quilt seriously started before summer (Yes, I am already thinking about Spring Break and summer). I just need to do it. Otherwise I will only finish three pieces this year, because this thing will take over my brain for too many hours.
Or not. Maybe I need to let myself quilt the other three pieces, because they are weighing on me. One has been pinbasted for a year, another for even longer. Two are relatively small and wouldn’t take long. I have an extra day of weekend coming up. I could use that time (or I could go to school and grade the projects that have been sitting there, haunting me, since the last week of school in December).
Actually, I was thinking of dying fabric on Monday. I have a pile of stuff I ordered last year in January to dye…fabric and socks. Important stuff. I was thinking of doing that Monday…or Sunday afternoon. No one has filled up my days yet (give it time…it’s only Wednesday).
My brain has been arguing over the Finish the Quilts vs. Get Started on the New Quilt thing for about 2 weeks now. I’m not even sure it’s that important an argument, but it is one I am unable to stop. It’s constantly in my head, quibbling, snarling. My brain has brought up a compromise multiple times. I have two types of nights here at home: nights when I have the kids and I cook dinner. These are the nights I usually use to design lessons and to make art, the quilting and fabric and ironing phases. Then there are nights when I don’t have the kids. I usually use those nights for going to the gym, eating leftovers, grading papers, and hanging out with that guy who doesn’t have his own TV, so he comes here. I might also trace Wonder Under and cut it out or trim fabric pieces on those nights, since that’s TV work. My brain says that on the nights I have the kids, I could quilt. Monday, Wednesday, Friday could be quilting nights (and design-lesson-plan nights…can’t escape that). And then Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday nights could be for drawing the new quilts…once I have a few drawings done, I could move on to the numbering and tracing on THAT quilt while still working on the others.
Seems logical, right? I’ve done it before. But my brain is in an incredible fussy mood about this. I don’t know why.
When my brain goes off like this, I just sit back and wait. At some point, the dreams of drawings and quilts will make sense to me. I think part of my hesitance is that the image is not fully realized in my head. I remind myself that Disrupted took two or three tries to start the final drawing. I remember that many of the drawings in my sketchbook have never become quilts. I remember that there is one LONG skinny horizontal drawing in there that I keep fussing with and will eventually become a quilt, but still isn’t complete. Drawing has been hard for me in the last year. I’m not sure why. But I do know that to DO drawings, I have to start just DOING them. The first few will suck. I don’t have to show them to anyone. I can just turn the page. Eventually the one I’m dreaming will out itself. I just have to start.
More on the brain argument later, I’m sure.
Kathy Nida 